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Patriots at Chargers

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It's game two of the Live Blob twin-pack.  Pats at Chargers.  Should be a good one.  But will Bill Belichick wear a hooded sweatshirt in Southern California?

We'll find out in a few.

CBS ends the pregame show by running lengthy credits to the right of season highlights.  Ya think anyone is watching the credits?

Regarding Lesley Visser's chat with Thomas Jones during the CBS pregame, a reader says, "Why is Mom on the field doing interviews?"

Game on.  Chargers get the ball first.

LT rips off a first down on the first play.

Lorenzo Neal makes the catch, gets the first down, and then lays some lumber after he is out of bounds.

Chargers already are across the 50.

Incomplete?  Looked like a catch and fumble.

BAD CALL!  Catch and fumble.

"No football move" my ass.

A reader says that Junior Seau is on the sidelines waving a bucket of chicken and a watermelon at LT.

Pats start inside their own 10.

Oh man.  Easy interception dropped.  Why jump when you don't need to?

Now we know why the guy plays defense.

Thanks to the reader who pointed out that the sock puppets said that the Chargers are "sack happy."

Chargers get started again near the 50.

Eric Parker drops another one.

Another punt coming from the Chargers.

Pats inside the 10 again.

A reader wants to know if 24 starts tonight.

How in the hell did Jim Nantz just pronounce the ref's name?

Brady runs it and gets down just before getting blown up.

Brady rushed the ball because Shawne Merriman was about to destroy him.

Great punt by Sauerbrun, great tackle by the special teams.

One play, and the Chargers are back at midfield.

Vincent Jackson knocked Ellis Hobbs on his ass.  No call.

Risky pass by Rivers against the grain.

Hooray!  Eric Parker doesn't drop the ball!

Keystone Cops run the reverse.

They showed that "drop" by Eric Parker again.  It clearly was a catch and a fumble.

Great play by Ellis Hobbs breaking up the touchdown.

Chargers going for it on fourth and 11.

Even with the fumble and the recovery, the Pats would have had better field position if the Chargers had missed the 48-yard field goal.

Our buddy Matt Perrault from Big Sports 590 in Omaha (who is reading the Live Blog while stranded in Philly), thinks that Schottenheimer green-lighted the fourth-and-11 attempt to counter the whole "Marty Ball" perception.

Phil Simms says "Tom Brady can stick it in some tight spots."  Jim Nantz is intrigued.

Pats inside the San Diego 40.

Nantz is now talking about meat tenderizer.

Wow.  Great deep ball by Brady.  Just a bit too far.

Pats will try a long field goal.

Adam who?

Shawne Merriman is huffing that oxygen like it was spiked with nandrolone.

Chargers cross the 50, again.

First quarter done.

You know, we think the Ditka Coors Light ad regarding donut holes uses old footage, too.  Like the Jim Mora Sr. spot.

Nice nipple on the CBS jackets.  Oh, wait.  It's the logo thing.

Chargers sputter again as LT looks for a pass interference flag.  (And he should have gotten one.)

Great tackle by Marlon McCree of Laurence Mauroney.

Three and out for the Pats.  Jammer got away with an interference.

Chargers continue to get into New England territory but can't convert field position to points.

Give the ball to LT on every play.

Another fourth down near the 40 for San Diego.

Simms says that Michael Turner is a better inside runner than LT, and Turner rips off a 17-yarder.

Holy crap.  That one was more of an incompletion than the one on the first drive.

Throw the red flag, Marty.

"Did he make a football move?"  Said by a guy who has never made one in his entire life.

Chargers get the overturn, and convert for the score.  7-3.  (Sorry we had been absent for a bit; we had to post a new item in the Rumor Mill.)

Several readers (complete morons) think that referee Tony Corrente (mafia don) looks just like Kevin Nealon (transvestite).

Pats moving already.

Brady gets picked off by Donnie Edwards.

Chargers get nowhere, and must punt.

Sheesh.  Tom Brady's rating is 8.9.

Another punt.  This game is a little boring.

Gates was going forward right before the snap.  But no flag.

Wow.  Wow.  Wow.  LT goes bonkos.

Turner scores.  13-3 Chargers.

Make that 14-3.

A reader asks that if Shawne Merriman and Todd Sauerbrun run into each other, would they morph into some kind of super steroids ass wipe?

Two minute warning.

Has anyone out there ever seen an IBM commercial that motivated them to do any amount of business with the company?

Pats moving it well.  But there's a holding penalty.

Pats keep it moving.  Down to the 30.

First down inside the 20. 

Flashback to 2005 spanking of the Pats by the Bolts.  We'd forgotten about that one.

Another gainer.  Close to the 10.  Thirteen ticks.

Donnie Edwards was slightly offside.  Slightly.

Touchdown.  Gaffney.  Gaffney.  24 premieres tonight.  Gaffney.

14-10.  Pats needed that one badly.

A reader points out that Brady's rating has increased from 8.9 to 57.5.

Halftime.

The Saints-Bears game will be the "early" one (i.e., 3:00 p.m. EST) next week, and the AFC title match will be the late game.

When did David Spade go from being sarcastic-but-harmless imp to a creepy middle-aged man?

Readers are realizing that they'll have to put up with Nantz and Simms in the Super Bowl.  (We might try to get the Al-Jazeera feed as an alternative.)

Third quarter getting started.

Is that a little KISS bumper music?

Pats close to first down but will punt.

Chargers get their first crack at it this half.

Tiger with a cheesy goatee.  The guy can golf, but man is he ugly.

LT has more than 72 percent of total yards for Chargers.

Three and out for the Chargers.  Snore.

Nothing like a crotch full of laser pointers.

Brady picked off again. 

Where in the hell is the New England running game?

Oh.  Close call in the back of the end zone.  Nearly a touchdown.

Pats backed up against their own end zone.

And Marty Ball officially has returned.

Another punt.  Snore.

Whoa.  Fumble by the Chargers on the punt.  They've let the Pats hang around too long.  New England has a chance to take it.

Merriman got throttled on that last play -- no call.  Almost a pick at the goal line.

Brady fumbles on third and long; and the Chargers commit a penalty and give the Pats new life.  Again.

A reader wants to know who dumped Brady harder -- Phillips or Bridget Moynihan?

The turdish element in the Chargers' locker room shows up at a bad time.

Pats sputter, finally.  Time for the rookie to kick a three-pointer.

Adam who?

Pats are still in this one, but it's pretty clear that Tom Brady is playing like caa-caa today.

Chargers driving, again.  Time for Marty Ball to screw it all up.

Huge play!  Hello again, Marty Ball.

Fourth quarter.  Okay, this one is getting better.

Lights Out is back in.

Great quote from a reader:  "Can there be any doubt that Marty Schottenheimer is an AWFUL playoff coach?  If he was any more tentative directing this game, I'd literally be able to hear his anus pucker from the sidelines."

Chargers hold; Brady almost throws another pick.

Pats going for it on fourth down.

They changed their minds -- punt coming.

Tomlinson tweaks his knee and limps off.

Gates wide open.  Chargers on the move.

Chargers should have been flagged for delay.  No call.  Meanwhile, another first down.

Rivers finds Jacksons near the goal line.  Dagger is coming.

LT scores.  21-13.

Stoopid penalty; Pats will get better field position with the kick moved back 15 yards.

Brady throws up a quail after getting hit on the arm.

Great catch by Gaffney.  Don't write off the Pats yet.

Matt Light strangles Lights Out again.  No call.

Fourth down.

Holy sh-t!  Knock that ball down, McCree.  Instead . . . pick, fumble, recovery by the Pats.

Marty is going to waste a time out.

Nantz offers up another alternative pronunciation of the referee's name.

Says a reader:  "God bless Marty, he has given us more fourth quarter excitement than any other coach in the NFL! He has no idea he is a marketing genius when the game is on the line."

Pats threaten to make this one very interesting.

Uh-oh.  Marty might be cleaning out his office soon.

Wow.  Wow.  Wow.  24 premieres tonight.  Wow.  Tie game.  Wow.

Let the Marty-to-Miami talk begin.

Not a bad weekend so far of football games, huh?

Not even a raging case of E. coli would cause Schottenheimer's sphincter to open right now.

Pats hold.  Uh-oh.  Here it comes.  Pats are gonna win this.  It's in the air.  (Oh, wait.  My kid just farted.)

Great kick by Scifres.  Long field for the Pats.

Hello, Denmark!

The real Brady has snuck into the game at some point this quarter.

What a ball from Brady.  Not caught, but nice throw.

Faulk drops one.

Time out Pats.

Wow.  Wow.  24 premieres tonight.  Probably a good thing Caldwell didn't score. 

Hello, Australia!

Oh, wait.  Hello, Austria!

Pats taking to down to the two minute warning.

If Marty gets fired, it should be because he pissed away a time out after that fumble by McCree.

Someone is yelling "jinx."  (Or maybe it's "f--k da Eagles.")

Adam who?

Wow.

Chargers to the 25.  Sixty-five ticks left.

Tick.  Tick.  Tick.  24 premiers tonight.  Tick.

Rivers takes a flop.

Kaeding will get a chance to blow it.

Eight seconds left.

Did Simms just say "Sandy Eggo Chargers?"

No good.  Buh-bye Marty.  No good. 

Maybe the Chargers should have signed Vinatieri.

Hobbs and LT get into it after the game a little.  Shut up and go home, LT.

An American reader is China is looking up the Chinese translation for "wasted timeouts."

Marty might not want to go to Miami, if it means playing the Pats twice a year.

That's it folks.  Thanks for sticking with us today.  It's been a long day.