WILD CARD SUNDAY

Giants at Eagles

SEND YOUR COMMENTS

(HIT F5 TO GET THE LATEST CRAPOLA!)

Happy New Year, PFT fans.  (And you, too, Len.)  We're dusting off the Live Blogs for the playoff run, and we're getting things started with the Giants at Eagles rubber match, live from the Linc.

Periodic updates will start as soon as the Jets-Pats game ends, and we'll be going full speed as of 4:30 p.m. EST.

So clear a spot for the laptop and prepare to hit F5 until your middle finger goes numb.

Okay, countdown starts.  Pats-Jets game is essentially over.  Kornholio has fallen asleep in his nursing home bed.  Time to get ready for the game of the weekend, as we see it.

Frank Caliendo ripping on Andy Reid for being fat?  "Mr. Pot, I'd like to introduce you to Mr. Kettle."

FOX shows a segment on how the Giants fell apart down the stretch.  A lot of demons can be exorcised today.

Curt Manatee says that Giants fans are rooting against the team so that the Soup Nazi will be canned.

What the hell is wrapped around Pam Oliver's neck?

Wow.  JaMarcus Russell is coming out.  Who would've known?

Pam Oliver asking tough questions.  Why won't someone ask her what's around her neck?

And her broach is making me feel hypnotized.

Since the Eagles are playing, we'd be negligent if we failed to mention that, for the first time this year, Jaws has alternated between his masculine glasses and ladies frames.

On this topic, a reader writes:  "I received the ultimate insult from my wife over the holidays.  We were on the road for a 7 hour ride when I realized I forgot my sunglasses.  So naturally I borrowed my wife's shades since I was driving (2 kids in the back, so there's no stopping). So later on I was pontificating about something when she says, 'Whatever you say, Jaws... nice Vanderbilts.'"

A reader raises a good point -- Why wasn't the FOX pre-game show on location?

Also, has anyone else noticed over the past few weeks that, even though the FOX show was back in L.A., Jillian Barbaro wasn't invited back? 

How does Chris Myers get the on-field gig over Jay Glazer?  The only scoop Myers gets is when he makes coffee.

Says a reader, "If Sean Salisbury sends in any e-mail for the Live Blog, please don't post any pictures that he attaches."

Wow.  Nice catch by Burress.

Sir Tiki for a first down.

Play comes back.  Holding. 

"Buzzer went off, you okay?" says the ref.

(Fortunately, there was no audible burping.)

Says a reader:  "Sir Tiki is flabbergasted by his teammate's abhorrent violation of the relevant rules, compendiums, and codicils."

Fat boy makes a cameo.  And runs for a first down.

"He can move a pile."  And eat a pile.  And leave a pile.

Tiki is running like a guy who wants to win the Super Bowl -- and drive up his marketability.

Touchdown to Plaxico.

We said all week that the Giants are the most dangerous team in the entire playoff field. 

The Bengals are the most dangerous team not in the playoff field.  But not because of their on-field abilities.

Bad decision by Reno Mahe.

Eagles start from the nine.

Garcia gets manhandled.  Under different circumstances, maybe he'd like that.

Quick note from the research department -- team scoring first is 3-0 this weekend.

Giants in business for more points, starting from the 50.

700 level fans have already sent us word that they want Feeley.

A reader notes that Mama McNabb is happy so far.

Three false starts already for the Giants.

Great job by the Eagles to keep Giants from getting a first down.  Eagles return the punt to the 19.

Joe Buck has a man-crush on Shockey.

"I think that you're in love with him," as Kramer said to George regarding Tony the Mimbo.

Says a reader, "Maybe the offensive linemen are confused by both Eli and Sir Tiki calling the snap count."

Inspired by a reader -- "As it turns out, Tony Romo's great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandma had sex with a guy with really sweaty palms."

Another three-and-out for the Eagles.

Det-mer! . . . Det-mer! . . . Det-mer! . . . Det-mer!

Good field position again for the Giants.

If they score another touchdown on this drive, this one is over.

Dawkins has some poo in his facemask.

Giants punt again. 

Great kick and coverage.  Eagles pinned in again.

Buck says aiming punts to give the other team bad field position is a lost art?  Huh?

Hiring sock puppets who actually know what they are talking about is a lost art.

McNabb needs to butt the f--k out.

Another three and out, with a near-pick deep in their own end.

Troy pimps the BCS games on FOX.

Ump almost gets Carson Palmered.

Dhani Jones once got arrested for dancing in a street.  If he was doing what he did after tackling Sir Tiki, we finally understand why.

Who'd he learn those moves from, Elaine Benes?

Another blown opportunity by the Giants.

Jeremy Shockey has a future in pro wrestling.  Or as a fry cook.

Finally, a first down for the Eagles.

Another near interception.

Eagles finally cross midfield.

INCREDIBLE run by Westbrook.  Touchdown.

Speed.  Patience.  Moves.  And in the end smart enough not to celebrate until he's in the end zone.

"Jock straps litter the field," declares a reader.

Joe Buck heading down from the booth to sniff a few of them.

Inspired by a reader -- "The Colts called to say, 'Now that was some bad tackling.'"

Mama McNabb doesn't know whether to cheer or yell, "Newman!"

John Runyan finally has more hair on his face than on his triceps.

Eli finally plays like his brother in the playoffs.  First down, Eagles.

Nice smirk on Eli's face.  He has learned that look from Tiki.

Westbrook looking great so far.

Eagles are alive.

Marty Morningsomething looks like Frank Caliendo impersonating Tim McGraw.

Donovan needs to lose the Teddy Pendergrass beard.

Field goal time.  Bring in Romo.

Good.  10-7.

Kevin Gilbride gave Eli Manning an earful, says Chris Myers.  Maybe Eli will punch Gilbride in the head.

First down, Sir Tiki.

Shockey is a crazy bastard.

Aikman is wrong -- I've never seen anyone lose a helmet and go down to protect himself.

Nice catch from Shockey.

Sir Tiki, running wild.

Says a reader, "I think Joe Buck wants the shocker from Shockey."

Field goal for Giants.  10-10.

Eagles get things going in the other direction.

Great play by Garcia for a first down, eluding the rush and finding L.J. Smith.

Was there spitting?

Runyan has gone bonkos.

Eagles dodged a bullet on that one.

A reader suggests that Runyan got upset after one of the Giants called him "Sasquatch."

Says a reader, "Is it a penalty to yank on Runyan's upper arm hair?"

Wow.  Great catch in traffic.  First down Eagles.

Brown got hit early, too.

Great catch on the sidelines by dude who looks like Marty Morningsomething.

Jeff Garcia is "fiery" during the game.  (Flaming thereafter?)

Meanwhile, touchdown Eagles.  17-10.

Eli just looks to us like he can't wait to get home and play with his wii.  (And then play some video games.)

Eagles wait too long to call time out.

Westbrook back to return the punt.

Half over.

We took a little break during the start of halftime.  Apparently FOX didn't show Westbrook's 50-yard touchdown run in the highlights package.

Jimmy Johnson says that JaMarcus Russel might declare for the draft on Wednesday.  And we might take a dump between now and then.

Chris Myers says the Giants will limit the number of blitzes in the second half.

Eagles get the ball first. 

Flag for face mask should have been the higher level.  Any turning of helmet should trigger a 15-yarder.

A reader claims that Jeff Garcia "caressed" the center's but before the snap.

Stallworth washes his hands.  With gloves on them.

Garcia sacked.  Terrible blocking by Sasquatch.

Great play by Gibril Wilson.  (Or is it Gerbil?)

A reader thinks Eli moves like he has his d--k in a box.

Manning gets wiped out.  Great effort by the right tackle.  (We're being sarcastic.)

That sound you just heard was the Eagles tearing up the remainder of Jevon Kearse's contract.

Joe Buck has it wrong -- the look isn't masking Eli's emotions.  He has no emotions.  He doesn't care.

A reader says that Archie Manning is already lobbying the Competition Committee to institute the 5-Mississippi rule for pass rushing in 2007.

Whoa.  Eagles ball at the one. 

Ball call.  Once Eagle touches it there can be no muff or fumble by the Giants.

Sock puppets are wrong -- ball isn't dead.  Giants can pick it up and run with no downside.

Actually, Eli is capable of some different facial expressions.

Manning's career playoff passer rating?  41.9.  (Thanks, reader.)

Westbrook returns the punt for a touchdown.  But it's coming back.

Nice catch by Reggie Brown for a first down.

Brown runs for a first down.  Corner on that side of the field bailed out pre-snap.

Another catch by Reggie Brown.

Did Osi get hit in the pee-pee?

High snap.  Nice hold.  Akers nails 48-yard kick.

Akers' wife expresses relief by saying "sh-t".

Detmer should have done the ass slap dance thing after that one.

Are some of the camera angles blurry tonight in the middle of the screen, or is it just my TV?

Giants finally get another first down.

Oh wow.  Interference on the Eagles.

End of third quarter. 

Giants get a field goal.

Chris Myers says the Giants are going to a longer cleat.  Makes some reference to a bad bald guy with a combover.

Aikman and Buck yukking it up.

Eagles moving the ball.  First down near midfield.

Eagles forced to punt.

Says a reader, "The Giants totally smeared Garcia's lipstick on that last hit."

Shot of Tim Lewis.  We forget to report recently that he's getting fired even if the Soup Nazi stays.  Book it.

Tiki is NOT a Hall of Famer.

Why does Alec Baldwin now sound gay even when he does voice overs?

Giants move the ball deeper into Eagles territory.

Brian Dawkins flies like Superman to make the tackle.

Eagles CB Lito Sheppard has a dislocated elbow and won't return.

Fat boy returns.

Lord of the Ring Dings.

That helmet fits him like one of those kid-size helmets fits an adult.

Though we'd previously given the name to Corey Simon, we'll reluctantly call Lorenzen the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.  (But we don't like it -- it's like having two guys named "T-Bone").

Fat boy is yanked.

Second effort from Sir Tiki yields first down.

Horrible spot by the zebras.

How were there not 26 broken bones on that play?

Says Sir Tiki, per a reader:  "I am flabbergasted at the misalignment of the officiating crew's placement."

Two straight false starts.  Son-in-law contributes to termination of coach.

Sir Tiki gains 19, but there's a holding call.

Snee screws up again.  Soup Nazi is pissed.

Horrible throw.  Should've run a draw play to Sir Tiki.

Nice catch by Burress.  Giants now have a snowball's chance at a first down.

Time out wasted.

Oh sh-t.  What a play by Burress.  If he'd show up like that more often, he'd get a trip to Hawaii.

Wow.  Wow.  Wow.  Touchdown Burress.

Three plays, three catches by Burress.  43 yards.

More evidence that Burress has far more potential than his usual play would suggest.

20-20.  Five minutes to go.

Westbrook makes a nice gainer and wisely falls down in bounds.

Next play, tight end Matt Schobel tries to get out of bounds.  Go figure.

Another first down, Eagles.  Three minutes left.  Tick.  Tick.

Tick.

Donovan is thinking, "Oh crap they're gonna win a playoff game without me."

Two minute warning.

Another first down.  Over.  Unless Detmer pulls a Romo.

Bye bye, Sir Tiki.

Bye bye, Soup Nazi.

Bye bye, Ernie Accorsi.

Bye bye, Ernie's toupee and/or big jug of black hair dye.

Something weird is going to happen.

We're developing that feeling.

We agree with Aikman -- make the field goal try the last play of regulation. 

Music City Miracle is coming to mind.

Okay, Eagles are playing it smart.

"Garcia wants to put it right in the middle . . . of the field."

Something is going to happen.

We can feel it.

Oh the drama.

Mama McNabb is going to run out on the field and tackle Detmer.

Nope.  That's it.  Eagles win.  Eagles win.

Bye bye Tiki.  Get the f--k out of here.  We don't want to see you anymore. 

Soup Nazi fired tomorrow.

Will the sock puppets quit using the term "willed the team to victory"?

McNabb gives a perfunctory fist pump.  He doesn't care at all.