POSTED 9:58 p.m. EDT, October 15, 2005

 

WEEK FIVE "USED FOOD"

 

With all the focus of the past few days upon the Minnetonka Lake Gold(fish) Club, it's easy to forget that we're still smack dab in the middle of the regular season.

 

As a reminder, here's some stuff from the back of the PFT icebox regarding the games played last weekend.

 

1.  "Paper Moon" Shreds 'Skins.

 

Although there has been a string of stellar running backs in Denver over the past decade (thanks in large part to a blocking scheme with plenty of cutting and chopping), the best back since Terrell Davis lost a knee ligament in 1999 might be the guy wearing No. 26.

 

It's not the guy who used to wear No. 26 for the Broncos and who now wears that same number (20 large poorer) in D.C., but the guy who picked up No. 26 when he was drafted in the second round a year ago.

 

Tatum Bell, on only 13 touches, single-handedly delivered last week's win over the 'Skins, courtesy of two long touchdown runs.  The first conjured memories of Super Bowl XVII, in which John Riggins of Washington bowled over Don McNeal and blew up a fourth-and-one play with a rambling 43-yard touchdown run.  Bell did the same thing barely three minutes into last Sunday's game, turning a fourth-and-one into a 34-yard scamper to paydirt.

 

Bell got the ball on a toss to the left, made a great move on defensive end Philip Daniels, and turned on the jets.

 

Bell's 55-yarder in the third quarter, which pushed the Denver lead to 21-10, was a bit less explosive but equally effective.

 

Even more amazing is that Bell wasn't the starter last week.  The start went to veteran Mike Anderson, who also had 13 touches against Washington.  Maybe Coach Teflon is trying to keep his guys healthy or maybe he simply doesn't want to create another Clinton "I Had Two Good Years So Pay Me Or Trade Me" Portis situation.  Regardless, Bell gives the Broncos a different dimension, and he seems to be ready to carry the load.

 

2.  What Was Haz Thinking?

 

Saints coach Jim Haslett generally is getting a pass this year, both in New Orleans/New York/San Antonio/Baton Rouge and in the media.  But he deserves no slack for his decision to leave any of his starters on the field with the Saints down 42-3 midway through the fourth quarter, and even less slack for using running back Deuce McAllister on three of four consecutive plays with the cause long lost before his knee imploded.

 

What the f--k was Haslett thinking?  It was, in our assessment, one of the dumbest moves by any head coach in recent memory (with the exception of, well, pretty much everything Mike Tice has done the last four seasons).  The loss of Deuce transformed a 2-3 team with an outside shot at a wild-card berth into a franchise with, yet again, no real hope of doing anything in January.

 

With all that said, Haslett is one of the only coaches likely to be unemployed after the season who has a real shot at landing elsewhere as a head coach in 2006.  He hasn't had a real G.M. since Tom Benson fired Randy Mueller, and Haz generally is regarded as a good coach in league circles, notwithstanding his mishandling of McAllister.  Don't be surprised if he lands in Houston or Buffalo in 2006.

 

3.  Cards Could Use Michael Bennett.

 

There were rumors a few weeks back that the Vikings had contacted the Cardinals regarding a possible trade that would send Minny running back Michael Bennett to Arizona, for as little as a sixth-round pick.  The Cards reportedly weren't interested.

 

If true, we've got three words:  "Are they high?" 

 

After watching the Cardinals' Week Five loss to the Panthers, it was obvious to us than anything close to a real running game -- which the Cards don't have -- would have enabled them to win.  With receivers Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald helping to move the chains through the air, there would be plenty of chances for Bennett to find some open space and use his 4.18 speed via sweeps and screens and swing passes.

 

Arizona coach Dennis Green used a first-rounder on Bennett four years ago, and we can't imagine that Green wouldn't want to take a flier on a guy who could help a so-so team get a lot better, if he's on the field on a regular basis. 

 

Remember this -- the Meathead gave up on former first-round defensive tackle Chris Hovan last season in Minnesota, benching him in favor of an undrafted rookie.  A year later, Hovan has undergone a rebirth in Tampa. 

 

We've got a feeling that a change of scenery for Bennett would yield the same results, and the Cards would be wise to wrap up a six and send it to Minnesota before October 18.

 

4.  NFL Blew It On Barber.

 

The powers-that-be had two chances this week to take decisive action against Bucs cornerback Ronde Barber for an inadvertent (but nevertheless inappropriate) punch to the face of umpire Butch Hannah. 

 

First, the officials could have/should booted Barber's ass out of the game.  It's been widely reported that the zebras didn't know that it was Barber who bopped Butch Hannah.  If that's the case, then why did Barber draw a personal foul for the exchange?  Before hitting Hannah, Ronde had done nothing to merit a flag.

 

Second, the league should have both fined Barber and suspended him for a game.  In 1999, former Redskins offensive lineman Tre Johnson was slapped with a fine and a suspension for unintentionally knocking off an official's cap during a playoff win against the Lions.  Johnson's total fine was $50,000, but $30,000 of it was earmarked for making contact with the official.

 

So if there's any consistency in the application of the NFL's rules (and, by all appearances, there isn't), Barber should have been suspended, too. 

 

The reality, however, is that the league office does what it wants when it wants how it wants without regard to what it has done in the past.  Thus, the potential exists for players who are favored by the NFL to receive lesser punishment, while turds get tapped for bigger penalties. 

 

It is, in a roundabout way, a method for imposing an unspoken standard of conduct on NFL players.  "If we like you (i.e., if you generally don't act like a thug), you'll get the benefit of the doubt if you ever do.  But if you're a troublemaker, there will be hell to pay when you break a rule."

 

Though we're not opposed to the concept of cleaning up some of the crap that goes on in the NFL, we think that a set of rules is meaningless if those rules are applied fairly and consistently.  "Bad guys" shouldn't get harsher treatment, and "good guys" shouldn't get a pass -- they should all be treated the same.

 

5.  Bears Blow It With 30-Yard Penalty.

 

By all appearances, the Chicago Bears were on their way to nailing down a 10-6 win over the Browns last Sunday.  A punt with six minutes left in the fourth quarter pinned the Browns at their own 16, and Romeo Crennel's offense had done little to suggest that it would be able to drive 84 yards for a touchdown.

 

But an illegal motion penalty on the punt pushed the Bears back five yards, resulted in a shorter kick and a longer return, and gave the Browns the ball at their own 46.

 

And that 30-yard gift was all the spark that the Browns needed.

 

Five plays later, quarterback Trent Dilfer fired a 33-yard touchdown pass to a wide open Antonio Bryant, whose bum busted out of his pants while he skidded out of the end zone.

 

And after Bryant showed his ass on live television, the Bears showed theirs again, fumbling the ball back to Cleveland and allowing them to ice the game.

 

The end result?  The Browns scored a total of six points in the first 56 minutes, 50 seconds.  In the last three minutes and ten seconds, they racked up 14.

 

6.  Griese Must Go.

 

So why have there been so many rumors linking the Bucs to other quarterbacks via trade?  Here's a thought. . . .

 

Brian Griese sucks.

 

The Bucs haven't won four games this year because of the eighth-year veteran, but in spite of him.  Averaging 203 yards passing per game, Griese has thrown for six scores and seven picks.  His passer rating is an anemic 75.8.

 

More importantly, he had a chance to put Tampa in position to win last weekend's game at the Jets with a late field goal.  But with ten ticks on the clock and no time outs from their own 40, Griese threw the ball down the middle of the field.  Receiver Joey Galloway made the catch at the New York 34, and the last few seconds ran off of the clock before the Bucs could even begin to get in position to kill it with a spike.

 

The Buccaneers don't have the horses on defense to cover up for a crappy quarterback.  Sure, things might have been different if Cadillac Williams had played, but Griese isn't going to be Jon Gruden's next Rich Gannon reclamation project if Griese continues to make stoopid decisions with the game on the line.

 

So Gruden, in our view, would be wise to look for someone else to take over the offense, whether it happens this year or next. 

 

POSTED 11:00 a.m. EDT, October 15, 2005

 

DAUNTE ON DECK?

 

According to The Minneapolis Star Tribune, quarterback Daunte Culpepper's name is on a list of players who were aboard the floating Chicken Ranch earlier this month.  A total of 17 players appear on the list, including Culpepper, left tackle Bryant McKinnie, cornerback Fred Smoot, defensive tackle Kevin Williams, tight end Jermaine Wiggins, running back Moe Williams, wide receivers Nate Burleson, Troy Williamson, Travis Taylor and Koren Robinson, cornerback Ralph Brown, and safety Darren Sharper.

 

To date, there are no published reports that any assistant coaches or other team officials were present.

 

The Star Tribune also follows up on a Friday report from The St. Paul Pioneer Press regarding the possibility that the entertainment for the evening was flown in from out of state.  According to a customer at an Eden Prarie restaurant, a woman named "Ebony" said that she and 12 to 15 other women had been flown in from Atlanta and Houston.  (In the wake of this incident, they should all change their names to Nina, Pinta, or Santa Maria.)

 

As we explained on Friday, the transportation of females across state lines for prostitution or other illegal sexual activity could result in a federal felony prosecution of the folks who paid for the plane fare.  Title 18, Section 2421 of the United States Code is the current version of the "white slavery" law which former heavyweight champ Jack Johnson was convicted of violating in 1913.  (Johnson fled the country while the appeal of his conviction was pending.)

 

But Minneapolis FBI agent Paul McCabe told The Star Tribune on Friday that his office had not yet been contacted by local officials.  All due respect, folks, but we've seen Fargo, and we can only hope that the locals don't completely FUBAR the investigation before the feds get a crack at it.

 

And since when does the FBI need an engraved invitation from Chief Wiggum to take a look-see at whether certain behavior violates federal law?  We assume that the feds read the newspaper, and we sure hope that this thing doesn't get swept under the rug at the federal level because of all that money from NFL owners that was contributed to Bush-Cheney '04.

 

T.O. KEEPS TALKING

 

Those Friday radio appearances (in Miami of all places) by Eagles receiver Terrell Owens are becoming so routinely full of potentially inflammatory content that no one seems to bat an eye in the wake of his weekly cases of verbal diarrhea.

 

This time around, T.O. explains that he was wearing a Michael Irvin after the Eagles were pasted by Irvin's former team, the Cowboys, because that's what T.O. was wearing before the game.

 

As to concerns that the fans might not fully understand the decision to wear the colors of the enemy on the day of the game (or ever, for that matter), Owens said:  "It doesn't matter what the fans think.  If they want to stock my closet with a new wardrobe, if they want to be my fashion stylist for each weekend, they're welcome to do that."

 

(Ordinarily, we wouldn't recommend that the average football fan be permitted to provide input regarding the attire of a highly paid pro athlete, but not even the most slovenly sports geek wears camo more than once a week when he's not either hunting or, you know, in a war.)

 

Owens also said on Friday that he wouldn't have rehabbed so aggressively to play in the Super Bowl if he knew in February what he knows now. 

 

"With the dedication that went along with the rehabilitation I did, I felt like I went over and beyond the call of duty for the team," he said.  "With the contractual situation that happened last year, I felt going into this season that my performance kind of spoke for itself, me being dedicated and trying to get back on the field in [a timely] fashion, I felt that should have spoke volumes for the type of person I am and the player that I am. . . .  Once that whole situation arose in training camp, that whole charade, that's why I felt disrespected."

 

Speaking of disrespect, it looks like the potential for further acrimony between T.O. and quarterback Donovan McNabb is growing.  McNabb recently expressed support for running back Brian Westbrook, who is trying to finagle a long-term deal.  Previously, McNabb suggested that he would not get involved in contractual issues regarding other players, and McNabb expressed no support for T.O.'s quest for more coin.

 

"All I can say is two words: 'Go figure,' " Owens said.

 

As to McNabb, Owens suggested that the quarterback still might shut it down in order to get surgery for a sports hernia that is causing him significant groin pain.

 

"Hopefully, he'll make the right decision when it comes down to it, to look at the team and do what's best for the team," Owens said. "Obviously, we have to get him more protection to be effective."

 

On at least two occasions this year, McNabb has asked T.O. to "keep my name out of your mouth."  After Friday, maybe Owens also will be asked to keep McNabb's groin out of his mouth, too. 

 

SATURDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

Good news:  Terry Bradshaw's daughter is singing the National Anthem at the Steelers' home game on Sunday.  Bad news:  He taught her the lyrics.

 

Pats LB Tedy Bruschi reportedly will return to practice next week.

 

Though staring QB Ben Roethlisberger participated on a limited basis in practice on Friday, Tommy Maddox is expected to start.

 

Another day, another inaccurate description by the "real" media of the "real" definition of the term "probable."

 

POSTED 10:37 p.m. EDT, October 14, 2005

 

FRIDAY NIGHT ONE-LINERS

 

If the cost of repairing the Superdome will be 51 percent or more of what it would cost to replace it, the 'Dome will be coming down.

 

Who in the hell are the Gaints?

 

Bengals WR T.J. Houshmandzadeh (hand) has been downgraded to doubtful and likely will miss his second straight game.

 

Browns WR Joshua Cribbs could get some reps in the team's four-receiver sets this weekend.

 

Vikings K Paul Edinger returns to Chicago three days after the Bears cut his replacement, Doug Brien.

 

Jags RB Fred Taylor is questionable with an ankle injury he suffered late in Sunday night's win over the Bengals.

 

Giants CB Will Peterson might not be done for the season, after all.

 

Vikings QB Daunte Culpepper says that his knee is much improved after the bye week (but he still sucks).

 

Bears RB Thomas Jones (knee) practiced on Friday and will be a game-time decision.

 

Cowboys RB Julius Jones remains questionable with an ankle injury.

 

The Seahawks home game against the Texans isn't fully sold out, but it's sold out enough to enable it to be televised locally.

 

Rams WR Torry Holt (knee) hopes to play on Monday night against the Colts.

 

Redskins RB Ladell Betts has been downgraded to doubtful with a groin injury.

 

Colts DE Dwight Freeney missed practice again on Friday, but expects to play on Monday night.

 

Pats S Rodney Harrison is ready to do whatever is necessary to come back in 2006.

 

Texans WR Andre Johnson (knee) missed practice on Friday and is listed as questionable.

 

Broncos CB Champ Bailey is a game-time decision for the second week in a row.

 

CB Reggie Howard is back in the Fins' nickel package.

 

QB Rohan Davey, cut by the Cardinals this week, could end up working out for the Fins.

 

Someone has been scamming Steelers fans with phony tickets.

 

Brian the Brain is smart enough not to address questions regarding his job security.

 

Vikings RB Onterrio Smith has been sued for allegedly using his non-prosthetic penis in improper fashion.

 

Lions receivers coach Fred Graves disagrees with a recent statements from FOX's Troy Aikman that some of the team's receivers are catching Z's in meetings regarding catching balls.

 

Lions RB Kevin Jones and WR Roy Williams have rekindled their man-love (platonic only . . . we think).

 

The Mayor of San Antonio calls Baton Rouge a nightmare for the Saints.

 

At least folks in Arizona can be entertained by the guys calling the game on the radio.

 

Rams S Michael Hawthorne has gone from starter to the street in less than a week.

 

Chiefs LT Willie Roaf (hamstring) is expected to play for the first time since the season opener.

 

POSTED 7:09 p.m. EDT, October 14, 2005

 

PATS DOWNGRADE 14

 

Mike Reiss of The Boston Globe reports that the New England Patriots downgraded 14 players from probable to questionable on Friday, in an increasingly obvious swipe at the Falcons and the NFL for last week's suspected injury report shenanigans regarding quarterback Michael Vick.

 

Vick was listed as probable by the Falcons from Wednesday through Saturday of last week, and he was downgraded to questionable after a Saturday walk-through practice.  Come Sunday, he didn't dress out for the 31-28 loss to the Patriots.

 

The term "probable" technically means that the player is "virtually certain to be available for normal duties," and there was no apparent reason for Vick to be taken down a notch the day before the game.  Still, the league took no action against the Falcons.

 

By all appearances, the Pats' liberal use of the "probable" designation was a specific reaction to the Vick situation.  The only difference is that the Patriots downgraded all of their probables (except quarterback Tom Brady, who has been perpetually probable with a shoulder thing for much of the past two years) a day earlier than the Falcons reeled in Vick a week ago.

 

Did the Pats receive a talking-to for their tactics, along with a strong suggestion that they downgrade the players sooner rather than later?  "Looks like someone got to [coach Bill Belichick]," said an industry source. 

 

"Maybe the league is reading your stuff." 

 

POSTED 4:00 p.m. EDT, October 14, 2005

 

NO MORE GETTIN' JIGGY, SAYS ZYGI

 

Vikings owner Zygi Wilf addressed on Friday reports of the floating Caligula-in-Cleats fiasco, which has made his team the laughing stock of pro sports (as if it wasn't getting there fast enough already).

 

Wilf promised fines and suspensions for the players involved, following the completion of an internal investigation.  

"Today marks a new day, a new era, a new season for this team," Wilf said. "Lack of discipline will no longer be tolerated at any level.  The events of the past week are unacceptable.

"The behavior exhibited lately by members of this organization does not reflect the values of this community.  Minnesotans are fine individuals, with a strong moral center, and high standards for the people who would be role models for their families.  I feel that as an organization, we have let them down.  And for that, I apologize.

"You have my promise, I will do everything in my power to ensure that unacceptable behavior does not occur ever again."

To get there, Wilf plans to impose a code of conduct greater than the league's current standards.  "This code of conduct will establish a new set of rules,” Wilf said.  "It will allow our franchise to operate in the same fashion as my family business, one of high standards, high morals and success."

Wilf also promises full cooperation with the authorities.  "If there was any sense that we would look the other way regarding this type of behavior, I want to make it extremely clear that this behavior will never be tolerated again," he said.  "I will build a first-class franchise, both on and off the field, that's known for its class, integrity and character.  Period."

It all sounds good in print and we applaud him for his desire to clean up that crap-hole of a team, but Wilf apparently hasn't contemplated the limits imposed on his ability to unilaterally set standards of conduct and impose discipline in a union shop.  The Collective Bargaining Agreement sets forth the rules regarding behavior and discipline, and the NFLPA surely will balk if Wilf or any other team tries to employ rules and/or penalties greater than those approved and adopted by the NFL as a direct result of the collective bargaining process.

Another option for Wilf wis to insert clauses regarding conduct into each player contract.  If, after all, the Bengals' loyalty clause is valid and enforceable, we assume that an arbitrator would uphold an individual contractual requirement imposing certain standards of behavior on players. 

But even if such clauses are upheld, the question becomes whether players will choose to sign with the Vikings if, in so doing, they must agree to abide by heightened standards of conduct.  And using those agreements in the future will do nothing to affect the contractual obligations of the 53 guys currently on the team.

 

So this is a very dicey situation for Zagnut and company.  Despite his intentions, we doubt that he'll be able to follow through on his plans.  And we think that he's far better off directing his money and efforts not at requiring turds to abandon their turdish nature, but at hiring folks who won't sign and draft turds -- and coaches who'll set the right example within the organization by not acting like big, stupid, ticket-scalping turds.

 

FRIDAY AFTERNOON ONE-LINERS

 

There might be photos of the events aboard the S.S. Love Sponge.

 

From the "Hey, That Bear Just Sh-t in the Woods" file, Romo admits that he took 'roids while playing in the NFL.

 

Lions QB Jeff Garcia worked out in pads for the first time since September 2.

 

The 23-year-old brother of Jags DE Paul Spicer was shot and killed on Thursday in Indianapolis.

 

Cadillac Williams and Ronnie Brown will be on the same field but won't have to share touches this weekend.

 

Maybe Bears S Mike Brown needs to hire someone like Paul Begala or George Snuffle-upagas before engaging in word games; Brown 'splains his recent criticism of his team by saying, "I said it was 'like' we [stink], I didn't say we [stink]; I said it was 'like' we do."

 

Ricky Williams Jr. took the bulk of the reps with the ones on Thursday.

 

The Meathead says that the Vikings beat the Bears on Sunday.

 

POSTED 9:15 a.m. EDT, October 14, 2005

 

COULD FEDS GET INVOLVED IN LOVE BOAT PROBE?

 

According to The St. Paul Pioneer Press, any local criminal charges resulting from the recent freak-on flotilla in Minnesota are expected to be minor.  But based on our own research regarding the applicable provisions of federal law, the thing could result in a full-blown federal felony prosecution.

 

Acting more like Saudi Arabian sheiks than a bunch of young guys full of booze and testosterone, the folks responsible for the S.S. Love Sponge reportedly flew in the, um, entertainment from Atlanta, Florida, and elsewhere.  According to The Pioneer Press, the females hired for the Gold Club on the Lake work for a high-class escort or call-girl service that caters to professional athletes.

 

And this is where the feds come in.

 

Title 18, Section 2421 of the United States Code states as follows:  

 

"Whoever knowingly transports any individual in interstate or foreign commerce, or in any Territory or Possession of the United States, with intent that such individual engage in prostitution, or in any sexual activity for which any person can be charged with a criminal offense, or attempts to do so, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than 10 years, or both."

 

As the United States Supreme Court observed in 1960, the primary purpose of this law is to "protect women who are weak from men who are bad."

 

And setting aside for now the question of whether it should be a crime where the females willingly make the trek with full knowledge of what will happen when they arrive, the reality is that it is a crime to arrange for the transportation of the persons across state lines for prostitution, even if they agree to go.

 

The real question, as we see it, is who paid for the transportation.  If the owner of the escort service bought the plane tickets, then the owner of the escort service could have a lot of  'splaining to do.  If one or more folks in Minnesota made the arrangements and paid for the plane tickets, then the folks in Minnesota would be the targets of the probe.

 

In theory, prosecutors could (and probably would) go after both the escort service and the "customers," since our research indicates that either or both could be responsible, if it can be shown that the escort service bought the tickets and passed the cost onto the folks in Minny.  A conspiracy charge also could be pursued against the escort service and the persons who arranged for the transaction.

 

Whether prosecutors exercise their broad discretion to pursue this matter remains to be seen.  The NFL, after all, is a generally conservative operation, and the current administration might be inclined to look the other way, given the potential damage that a full-blown investigation, prosecution, and trial would do the the Vikings and thus to the league itself.

 

After all, ardent Bush supporter Mike Tice has yet to receive (as far as we know) scrutiny from the IRS for the extra income resulting from the re-sale of Super Bowl tickets at a profit.  

 

But even if the Justice Department opts not to pursue this one, the message to all pro athletes is clear.  If you choose to spend your money on women who engage in sexual activities for a fee, don't bring them to where you are.

 

POSTED 8:30 a.m. EDT, October 14, 2005

 

SCHAUB BETTER THAN VICK?

 

As second-year quarterback Matt Schaub prepares for what could be his second straight start of the season, there are growing whispers in league circles that this understudy could end up being even better than the guy in front of him on the depth chart, starter Michael Vick.

 

"Upside" is the buzzword in matters of this nature, and the buzz is that Schaub has a huge one.  

 

Sure, he ain't Ron Mexico.  But who is?  Not even little brother Marcus has the same degree of uncanny acceleration and speed.  

 

Still, Schaub has enough mobility to be effective in the NFL, and his passing and decision-making arguably are already better than Vick's.

 

We know, we know.  There's no way the Falcons replace The Franchise with some white dude who looks like Robert Barone.  Vick is the face of the organization, and he's not going anywhere, barring serious injury (and/or disease).  But someone, somewhere will make Schaub their starter in 2007 or sooner, and the current thinking is that he will become a Pro Bowl-level performer.

 

It really shouldn't be a surprise.  Entering the 2003 collegiate season, Schaub was regarded as a serious candidate for the Heisman, and a likely first-rounder.  A shoulder injury derailed his campaign -- and dropped his draft stock.

 

So the Falcons got a steal in round three, but they won't be able to keep both guys around for much longer.  Especially if Schaub continues to play like he has the past couple of weeks.

 

PROPS TO MORA

 

One of our regular sources saw the comments of Falcons coach Jim Mora regarding the Pinnochio photo on this here site, and the source was impressed by the manner in which Mora handled the situation.

 

"Kudos to Jim Mora," said the source.  "For acknowledging your web site and mocking himself and not taking himself too seriously, his stock just went up with me."

 

The source also agrees with Mora's approach to the injury reporting system.

 

"This is a guy that is doing whatever he can to win within the rules, and the league is allowing him to."  The source observed that, like other coaches who push the envelope on injuries, Mora is "honor[ing] his obligation of putting his team in the best position to win."

 

But, as the source noted, "sometimes they take it too far.  When they do, the league should act.  However, the league should be consistent with their actions."

 

And that's why, for example, the league should look back at the Falcons' Week Two injury reports before smacking the Browns for not disclosing Braylon Edwards' arm infection sooner.  For Atlanta's September 18 game against the Seahawks, starting defensive end Brady Smith didn't appear on the injury reports at all in the days leading up to the game -- but then he was inactive on Sunday.  For Week Three, Brady Smith was listed as questionable with a quadriceps injury.

 

Let's be clear on this.  We don't have a Falcons bias, and we're not looking to get Mora in trouble.  Hell, we like the guy, especially after his Wednesday press conference.  

 

But we also think that the powers-that-be in the league office apply different standards to different teams, and that G.M. Rich McKay's presence in Atlanta gets the franchise a pass from time to time for conduct that, if committed in another city, would result in a fine.

 

FASSEL HAS NO SHOT AT RAVENS GIG

 

A league source with knowledge of the situation in Baltimore has reiterated to us that, if/when Brian "the Brain" Billick is fired by the team, offensive coordinator Jim Fassel has no shot at getting the job.

 

"Their offense has gotten worse with [Fassel] than it was with [Matt] Cavanaugh," even though they added "Derrick Mason and Mark Clayton in the offseason and have a healthy Todd Heap and Jamal Lewis."

 

And the source agrees with what we've already heard from other insiders regarding Fassel:  "He'll never be another head coach again in the NFL."

 

POSTED 11:56 a.m. EDT, October 13, 2005

 

MORA SAYS HE'S NOT IN HOT WATER

 

Falcons coach Jim Mora addressed concerns regarding his handling of the Mike Vick injury at a Wednesday press conference, confirming that Mora did not receive a knuckle-rapping from the league for the decision to list Vick as "probable" from Wednesday through Saturday before dropping him to "questionable" after a Saturday walk-through.

 

Mora also made a specific reference to this here site during his comments, referring to the Tuesday "Pic of the Day" featuring Mora with a Pinocchio nose.

 

 

For a link to the video excerpt from the press conference, click here.

 

"I'm not playing mind games," Mora also said on Wednesday.  "It's just trying to preserve a competitive advantage.  If I was trying to play mind games I'd just flat-out lie.  I'm telling you the truth.  I think that we're trying to win the game on Sunday and I think Atlanta Falcons fans want us to win on Sunday.  If I give them an edge that I don't need to give them, then I think that is counterproductive to what our goal is."

 

Steve Wyche of The Atlanta Journal Constitution (a/k/a the print version of AtlantaFalcons.com) calls the flap regarding the Vick injury "speculation," and Wyche conveniently mischaracterizes the "probable" categorization as indicating a "75 percent likelihood of playing" (whatever that means).  However, as we reported earlier in the week, the term "probable" actually means, in this context, that there is a "[v]irtual certainty that player will be available for normal duty."

 

Big difference.

 

The Mora/Vick story and the Wednesday reaction by the Pats, who listed 15 players as "probable," prompted a flood of e-mails from folks who regard the Patriots as one of the biggest offenders of the injury reporting system, and who believe that Mora was merely giving the champs a taste of their own medicine.

 

Whether it's Mora or Belichick or Coach Teflon or any other head coach, loopholes in the NFL's system always will be exploited by guys looking to maintain "competitive advantage."  The problem is that, when the NFL ignores seemingly blatant violations of the letter and spirit of the rules (as in the Vick situation), the violations will become so rampant that the system will be rendered meaningless.

 

And then the only ones who'll know the truth will be the mafia.

 

POSTED 11:17 a.m. EDT, October 13, 2005  

 

PENNINGTON BEING PUSHED BY CONDON?

 

Several league insiders with whom we have spoken believe that the apparent intention of Jets quarterback Chad Pennington to rebuff requests for a partial rebate on his $67.6 million contract is the product of a strong desire on the part of agent Tom Condon to avoid the potential recruiting fallout that would arise if one of his big-money quarterback deals suffers a little ex post facto erosion.

 

Pennington recently dismissed the suggestion that he should reduce his future salary and/or bonus money due to ongoing shoulder problems, saying:  "[I] paid a price for this organization.  I put it out there on the line.  Hurt.  Not hurt.  You name it."

 

"That's Condon talking," one league insider opined to us.

 

The reality is that the agent business is highly competitive and, at times, blatantly cut throat.  We're heard numerous stories, for example, of agents printing copies of our stories and using them as ammunition in the recruitment of other players.

 

Condon, like most successful agents, understands that a decision made in the best interests of one client can be cobbled quickly into an argument presented to the Matt Leinarts of the football mundo (gotta keep the Mexicans engaged) that Condon "did a bad deal," or has lost his contractual kavorka.

 

So even though many folks around the league think that Pennington was overpaid when the deal was done, that his chronic injury problems diminish his going-forward value to the team, and that the open market for him at this point in time would be far less than what he stands to earn with the Jets, Condon never, ever will let Pennington flinch.  Because even if flinching, bending, and/or lying prostrate before Woody Johnson is in the best interests of Chad Pennington, the fact that one of Condon's clients has done so isn't in the best interests of Condon and IMG.

 

Think back to the 2004 preseason.  Condon parted ways with Patriots first-round pick Ben Watson because, as the speculation at the time went, Condon refused to have his name associated with a six-year deal for a guy taken in the lower reaches of round one.  Watson hired another guy, and quickly signed the six-year package.

 

Although, ideally, Condon should have done the deal even for six years, the next best thing for him to do was walk away.

 

And we hope that he and Pennington keep this in mind when the Jets squeeze Chad's chestnuts in the offseason, if not sooner.  We're hearing that the team might try to start on this issue sooner rather that later, in the hopes of getting Pennington's deal reworked before the end of the 2005 season.  The thinking is that the guys in the front office would improve its chances of staying in place for 2006 if they can take care of the Pennington matter in advance.  

 

So if Condon doesn't want his reputation to be sullied by one of his golden boys accepting a little silver instead, then Condon should walk away and let someone else manage Pennington's career.

 

It actually might be in Pennington's competitive interests to make a change.  Our research reveals that, despite being one of the few perceived agents of choice for high-end NFL quarterbacks, none of Condon's quarterback clients have ever won a Super Bowl.  Since, as we believe, Condon's obsession with continuously blowing out the curve for his guys at the bargaining table limits the cap money available to ensure that sufficient quality players are available at the other positions on the team, Condon's guys haven't reached the pinnacle of the profession.  Yet.

 

And we're not sure that many agents really care whether their guys win the Super Bowl.  We've heard accounts of agents explaining that, since they don't get three percent of the playoff share (or of the value of the Super Bowl ring), they're not worried about whether their players are on winning teams.  Instead, they care only about getting the guys as much money as possible under their contracts -- since that's how the agents get paid.

 

In Pennington's case, giving up some money for 2006 and beyond gives the team extra cap room to better prepare for the possibility that Pennington won't be able to play, or will be limited, next year.  Indeed, wouldn't a partial rebate on that $3 million roster bonus enable the team to bring in someone better than Jay Fiedler or Brooks Bollinger or Vinny Flintaverde?  

 

But Condon doesn't care, so he'll convince Pennington not to care.

 

Even if he, in reality, he should care.  A lot.

 

POSTED 11:54 p.m. EDT, October 12, 2005

 

WILLIAMS TARGETED LAVAR?

 

There's a theory making the rounds in league circles that the lack of reps given to Redskins linebacker LaVar Arrington traces directly to the arrival of defensive coordinator Gregg Williams in 2004.

 

Per one league insider, the thinking is that Williams had a chip on his shoulder after he was fired as head coach of the Bills following the 2003 season -- and that Williams made Arrington his "whipping boy" from day one.

 

And as folks outside the organization begin to question the decision to let Arrington, a top-five pick in the 2000 draft who was deemed to be one of the top linebackers in the league before injuring his knee a year ago, languish on the bench, word is that some folks inside the organization are beginning to question Williams' status and influence.

 

We're told that some players are upset that head coach Joe Gibbs seems to constantly defer to Williams, and some regard Williams as a "miserable guy."

 

On Wednesday, Gibbs addressed the Arrington situation.

 

"LaVar said nobody's talked to him," Gibbs said in response to Arrington's recent statement that he hasn't received an explanation for his spot on the depth chart.  "I've talked to LaVar more than any other player I've ever coached in 30 years, probably three times more.  I've had great conversations with him, and told him exactly what he needs to do.  Our coaching staff here has got tons of experience, and, I believe, play the best guys.  And so at whatever point LaVar's the best person to be in there, I'm convinced he'll be in there."

 

Though we've heard that Arrington's situation is the result of both his perceived inability to perform in a freelance-free defense and a knee that is missing all of its cartilage, Arrington claims that he's healthy and smart enough to play in Williams' structure-obsessed system.

 

"If you're not going to play me, then don't play me," Arrington said earlier this week.  "Just don't make things up about why I'm not playing.  I'm healthy.  I'm of sound mind and body.  Don't try to slander me.  It's being insinuated that I'm not smart enough to play this defense.  That's absurd."

 

And for what it's worth, our guess is that plenty other teams will be interested in Arrington when he becomes available in 2006.  Within hours after posting our report last week regarding Arrington's current situation, we heard from a team interested in swinging a deal for him.  Now.  Though a crippling cap hit is keeping the 'Skins from moving him in 2005, our guess is that the team will be able to generate some value for him next year, before the due date on his $6.5 million roster bonus forces them to release him.

 

LACK OF TRADES TIED TO DEADLINE

 

In past years, it was thought that the absence of trades in the days prior to the annual trading deadline was the result of the salary cap system, which requires a team to take the full brunt of the cap hit in the year when a trade goes through.

 

Over the past few years, teams have gotten more proficient in their maneuverings under the cap, as evidenced by an increase in pre-June 1 cuts (which likewise result in all dead money counting in the current year).  As a result, trades of players are making a comeback.

 

But, as we vaguely recall raising in past years at about this same time, there won't be many baseball-type trades as the annual deadline approaches because the deadline simply falls too early in the season.

 

There are no fire sales or salary dumps in the NFL because, in October, most teams still have hope.  For example, the Packers started off at 1-4 a year ago, before finishing 9-2 for a 10-6 season and another division title.

 

Sure, some teams might have a pretty good idea that they don't stand a chance at the postseason unless ACL's start popping in other cities like corn at the multiplex on opening night of a Stars Wars movie.  But part of the whole put-as-many-asses-in-the-seats facade requires teams to play along with the "sure, we've got a shot" thing, especially in the second month of the season.

 

So maybe the earlier trade deadline is intended to protect teams from the temptation to dismantle the machine in the hopes of picking up a draft pick or two in exchange for a guy who'll be a free agent in March anyway.  And maybe the NFL doesn't want the "haves" to be able to cherry pick the cream of the crap in order to beef up for a playoff run.

 

Whatever the reason, the reality is that the trading deadline comes far too early to be meaningful in the NFL.  Any trades that are going to happen will occur much earlier in the offseason, when teams will have more than enough time to get the player incorporated into the system for the coming campaign.

 

Another thing to keep in mind as October 18 approaches -- as of the very next day, so-called vested veterans who are given an outright release must clear waivers.  So if, for example, the Packers are 3-10 in December and Donovan McNabb finally realizes that it's time to get that chunk of intestine protruding against the epidermis in the general vicinity of, ahem, little D-Mac, any effort by Green Bay to essentially hand Brett Favre to Philly for the stretch run will give all inferior teams a chance to squat on his rights.

 

Yeah, that example might not be ideal since the cap consequences could make the move a little dicey.  But the cap wasn't an issue in 2002, when the Chargers prevented Deion Sanders from joining the Raiders for the postseason by making a waiver claim after the Redskins relinquished his rights.

 

AP CLUELESS ON PATS' "PROBABLES"

 

Maybe it's a good thing that most Associated Press reports that show up on the Internet don't have a byline.  Because if they did, whoever wrote the story regarding the Patriots' injury report would be flooded with e-mails from the thousands of fans and well wishers who, you know, actually have been paying attention to issues that have been raised this week regarding injury reporting.

 

Scroll down for our story regarding the Pats' 15 players listed as "probable" for the coming week, even though the team had at least eight players listed as "questionable" in Week One through Week Five.

 

The author of the Wednesday AP report didn't notice anything out of sorts regarding the absence of any "questionables," and a baker's dozen plus two guys who were listed as "probable."  Instead, the focus of the article was that the Pats finally are getting healthy.

 

And even if the presence of 15 probables in the week following a hard-fought win at Atlanta for which 10 players were questionable didn't raise eyebrows, how does someone who covers sports for a living not know about the brouhaha that emerged regarding the Falcons' apparent manipulation of the probable/questionable categories prior to last weekend's game against New England?

 

We received more e-mails on this topic than we've seen in a while regarding any NFL issue, from average fans who instantly knew what coach Bill Belichick was up to, and who agreed fully (as we do) with the tactic.

 

As one reader said, "If I were Belichick, I would be tempted to list Tedy Bruschi, Steve Grogan, and Gino Cappeletti as probable, too."

 

So The AP and the rest of the media should be all over this one.  It's intriguing stuff, to say the least, and it highlights some of the current flaws in the NFL's injury reporting system.

 

POSTED 5:17 p.m. EDT; LAST UPDATED 5:42 p.m. EDT, October 12, 2005

 

GIANTS SIGN SHOCKEY TO LONG-TERM DEAL

 

Profootballtalk.com has learned that the Giants have signed tight end Jeremy Shockey to a long-term deal that makes him the highest-paid tight end in the NFL.

 

The deal ties Shockey to the Giants through 2011, and replaces the final two years (2005 and 2006) of his rookie deal.

 

Shockey gets $3 million to sign and a 2006 $7.5 million roster bonus, which is fully guaranteed for injury.  He also receives a $250,000 reporting bonus in 2006, pushing the total guaranteed bonus money, for practical purposes, to $10.75 million.

 

However, the bonus money is offset by steep drops in his 2005 and 2006 salary.  His 2005 base, for example, drops from $1.723167 million to $900,000.  His base salary in 2006 is reduced from $2.071415 million to $950,000.

 

The new money, then, over the first two years is $8.805 million, and it could drop to $8.505 million (more on that later).

 

In 2007, Shockey gets a $1 million roster bonus, a $150,000 reporting bonus, and a salary of $850,000.

 

In 2008, he receives a $500,000 reporting bonus and a salary of $2.2 million.

 

In 2009, the salary is $3.025 million, with a $500,000 roster bonus.

 

In 2010, the salary moves to $3.825 million, with another $500,000 roster bonus.  

 

In 2011, he'll receive $4.508332 million in salary, and a $500,000 roster bonus.

 

The total value of the contract is $30.183332 million, with new money of $26.388750.

 

The deal, however, also contains so-called "de-escalators," which could reel in his salary by $300,000 per year from 2006 through 2011 if he fails in the preceding season to put up Pro Bowl-caliber numbers.  

 

So the total package could be reduced by up to $1.8 million, in $300,000 increments.

 

Even without the $1.8 million in money that could fall out of his salary figures, the new money is a hair under $24.59 million, and Shockey's per year new money average is $4.91 million -- more than the new money averages for all other recent tight end deals, including contracts signed by Tony Gonzalez, Antonio Gates, Alge Crumpler, Todd Heap, and Randy McMichael.  

 

PATS FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE

 

Given that the NFL won't penalize the Falcons for listing quarterback Michael Vick as "probable" from Wednesday of last week through the day before Atlanta's game against the Pats, at which time Vick was downgraded to questionable, New England coach Bill Belichick has opted to utilize the apparent loophole that the Falcons and coach Jim Mora created.

 

"Utilize" might not be the right word.  "Drive a Humvee through, around, and on top of" might be more appropriate.

 

The Pats initial Week Six injury report lists a whopping 15 guys as "probable," and none as "questionable."  In recent weeks, the Patriots typically have had roughly ten or so players listed as "questionable" for each game.

 

The move is an obvious slap at the Falcons -- and at the league's tolerance of the team's apparent chicanery with the Ron Mexico knee injury.  

 

After all, if it's permissible to list a guy as probable as long as the team also discloses (as the Falcons did last week) that the player missed a portion of practice, and then downgrade the guy to questionable on Saturday, then the Pats and every other team should do the same thing.

 

And when the NFL intervenes (as it surely will) and directs teams to cease and desist this clear abuse of the spirit of the rules, the league implicitly will be admitting that Atlanta and G.M./Competition Committee Chair/Future Commish/Integrity Czar Rich McKay got a pass for doing the same damn thing.

 

POSTED 12:28 p.m. EDT, October 12, 2005

 

RONDE LAID OUT FOR 30 LARGE

 

Jay Glazer of FOXSports.com reports that the NFL has imposed a $30,000 fine on Bucs defensive back Ronde Barber for punching umpire Butch Hannah during Sunday's game against the Jets.

 

Barber reportedly plans to appeal the fine.  He previously has said that he inadvertently struck Hannah as he was trying to get Jets center Kevin Mawae to let go of his face mask.

 

"The guy [Mawae] outweighs me by about 120 pounds," Barber said at the time. "I was afraid he was going to rip my head off. I was just trying to get his hand off my facemask. I'd never try to hit an official.  Everybody knows that's not me."

 

We think that the league should hold firm on this one.  If one player successfully uses the "I didn't mean to do it" excuse, then others could try to take an "inadvertent" shot at an official and claim the same thing.

 

Bottom line -- Jamael Oronde (as his mom might call him right now) shouldn't have been swinging fists at any one or thing.  So when an NFL player cold-cocks a zebra with a curled-up hand, for any reason, the punishment must be swift, severe, and decisive.

 

Hell, Ronde should be happy that the other refs didn't see him throw the punch, and that Jets coach Herm Edwards (scroll down to Monday) opted not to pull a Cindy Brady.

 

 

["If I had tattled on Ronde, Donnie Henderson would have made fun of my lisp."]

 

Otherwise, Barber surely would've gotten the boot.

 

POSTED 9:35 a.m. EDT, October 12, 2005

 

DEAD MAN WALKING IN BALTIMORE

 

In the wake of Sunday's penalty-and-ejection-filled debacle at Detroit, and given Brian Billick's shoulder-shrug response, there is a growing feeling in league circles that Brian the Brain's days are numbered with the organization.

 

Billick has been the Ravens coach since 1999.  He won an unexpected Super Bowl after the 2000 season with a roster very heavy on "D" . . . and very light on "O".  The thinking was that, as Billick and his high-octane Minnesota offense got a chance to catch up with the defense, a dynasty could be in the making.

 

Five years later, it's evident that the Lombardi was a one-shot deal.

 

Though owner Steve Bisciotti, who took over for Art Modell in 2004, might have been inclined to retain Billick on the Shanahan-Cowher scholarship plan for keeping his teams at a level above mediocre but below spectacular, the meltdown in Motown likely was enough to persuade Bisciotti that it's time to bring in his own guy to coach the team.

 

It'll be interesting to see who gets the job, if/when Billick is bounced.  Offensive coordinator Jim Fassel desperately wants to become a head coach again, but some folks around the league don't see it happening, in Baltimore or anywhere else.

 

WEDNESDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

We smell trouble on the horizon between the Jets and QB Chad Pennington when/if/when/when the team tries to get him to take a pay cut.

 

Redskins LB LaVar Arrington says he's in the "doghouse" in D.C., and takes issue with reports that he doesn't fit in the team's current defense.

 

Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger (knee) could play on Sunday against the Jags.

 

With Big Ben's knee ailing and backup Tommy Maddox nursing a bad calf, the Steelers added former Pitt QB Rod Rutherford to the practice squad.

 

Former Pittsburgh practice squad QB Brian St. Pierre turned down a three-week guarantee on the Steelers active roster to stay on the Ravens practice squad.

 

Cowboys RB Julius Jones is not expected to play, due to a high ankle sprain.

 

From the "I Can't Think Of Anything Else To Write About So Let's Take A Stab At The Obvious" file, Sarah Rothschild of The Miami Herald writes that Ricky Williams might have trouble getting endorsements now.

 

Redskins RB Clinton Portis is expected to play against the Chiefs despite a mildly bruised calf.

 

Coach Chin apparently will deal with his crowded backfield issue by taking the position that RB Duce Staley won't be at 100 percent this year.

 

The Bus has a bug up his butt.

 

The Pack will pay DT Cleditus Hunt his $1.25 million salary for 2005, since his release came after he suffered a torn rotator cuff on the practice field.

 

The Texans are doing the two-step with their offensive line.

 

Jags OT Mike Pearson has been a healthy scratch for two straight weeks.

 

Favrether Time is raving about his offseason "core workouts."

 

The Fins sent RB Jesse Chatman to the Saints for a conditional seventh-round pick.

 

Browns RB Lee Suggs (thumb) will miss four weeks.

 

Newly acquired LB Jamie Winborn likely won't make his debut with the Jags until October 30.

 

The broken foot suffered by Pats RB Kevin Faulk could be career threatening.

 

The Pats brought in RB Quentin Griffin on Monday, but not as a potential replacement for RB Corey Dillon, whose injury from Sunday is not serious.

 

Mark Cannizzaro of The New York Post apparently owed Tony Agnone a favor.

 

The Eagles added LB Zeke Moreno and dumped DE Alonzo Jackson and LB Mike Labinjo.

 

Eagles K David Aker would neither confirm nor deny (i.e., he confirmed it) a report that he'll miss another 8-10 weeks with a torn hamstring.

 

The Pats worked out some defensive backs on Tuesday, including a couple of former members of the team:  Hank Poteat, Arturo Freeman, Mario Edwards, Terrell Buckley, Aaron Beasley, and Rod Babers.

 

Former Rams wideout Mike Furrey might now crack the starting lineup at safety.

 

Former Colorado WR Jeremy Bloom will pick Gary Wichard, Leigh Steinberg, or Jack Mills as his agent; Bloom, a competitive skier, plans to head to the Scouting Combine after competing in the Winter Olympics.

 

Only the Texans have forced fewer turnovers that the Pats.

 

Only (only?) 50,000 seats remain for the Saints October 30 debut in Baton Rouge, which features the return to Looziana of the Nicktator and the Pot-toker.

 

POSTED 12:59 a.m. EDT, October 12, 2005

 

VIKINGS GONE WILD

 

The team had Super Bowl aspirations.  Instead, it limped into the bye week at 1-3, featuring two blowout road losses. 

 

So what's the best way to re-focus during the off week?

 

"Howsabout we rent a boat and have a sex romp?"

 

According to The Associated Press, a group of at least 20 Vikings players were part of a group that went out on a pair of charter cruises on Thursday night.  Cornerback Fred Smoot reportedly paid for one of the boats, which featured sexual acts happening "all over the boat."

 

According to The Minneapolis Star Tribune, police are investigating the situation for possible prostitution, drug use, and illegal sex acts.

 

We're not quite sure what to make of this.  Our guess is that, like coach Mike Tice's Super Bowl scalping incident, the only aberration here is that the Viking players were dumb enough to get caught in the midst of their, um, shenanigans. 

 

Really, should it be a surprise that young men with high testosterone levels, plenty of cash, and a misguided sense of invincibility would engage in these behaviors?  Remember the Cowboys and their "White House"?

 

The difference between the 'Boys and the Vikes is that Michael Irvin and company confined their activities to a private residence.  The Vikings essentially engaged in their misbehavior in public.

 

If any of the Vikings players are convicted of any sex offenses as a result of the incident, they could be subject to discipline pursuant to the NFL's personal conduct policy.

 

POSTED 12:32 a.m. EDT, October 12, 2005

 

PFT TEN-PACK:  WEEK FIVE

 

Another week, another collection of observations from the on-field and off-field stuff of the slate of NFL games.

 

First, the five game-related takes:

 

1.  See Ya Later (Sooner or Later), Schaub.

 

Although former 49ers quarterback Steve Young has a chimichanga in his pocket for Falcons starting quarterback Ron Mexico, the guy with whom Young might better relate is backup Matt Schaub.

 

Young, a 2005 Hallf of Famer, found himself stuck behind Joe Montana in San Fran while Joe led the team to a couple more Lombardis in the late 1980s.  Young finally inherited the starting gig in 1992 due to a Montana arm injury.  Joe headed for K.C. after the '92 season, and the job -- finally -- belonged to Young.

 

For Schaub, however, he won't have to sit behind Vick for the next five years.  Thanks to free agency, which didn't take root until the year in which Montana made tracks to Missouri, Schaub will only be limited for a relatively short while in Atlanta.

 

Specifically, Schaub is under contract through next season, when he'll make $385,000. 

 

But even though 2007 currently is poised to be an "uncapped year," only veterans with six years of service are eligible for unfettered free agency.  The restricted free agency rules will still apply, and the Falcons will be required to decide whether to tender Schaub at the low, medium, or high level, which would require compensation in the amount of a third-rounder, a first-rounder, and a one and a three, respectively, from any team who makes him an offer than the Falcons won't match.

 

The real question for the Falcons is whether they'd be willing to take, for example, a first-rounder in 2006 for the rights to Schaub.  His performance in games against Minnesota and, more importantly, New England will make him a white-hot prospect, and with the success rate of first-round quarterbacks somewhere south of 50 percent, we'd ship a one to the Falcons in a Cade McNown minute for Schaub.

 

Teams who could be interested come 2006 include the Fins, the Jets, the Ravens, the Texans (depending on who the coach is in Houston), the Titans (ditto), the Chiefs, the Raiders, the Cowboys, the Lions, the Packers, the Saints, and the Cardinals.

 

But with Mike Vick proving to be somewhat less-than-durable, it might be a good idea for the Falcons to hold onto Schaub at least through 2006, possibly via a short-term bump in his pay in order to keep him happy.

 

Or at least as happy as possible in the No. 2 spot on the depth chart.

 

2.  Home Field Disadvantage Means Delightful January.

 

We can't believe how quickly the pundits in the "real" media jump from bandwagon to bandwagon.  Each of the sock puppets on ESPN's Monday Night Countdown presumed that the Chargers would blast the Steelers, since, as Stu Scott reasoned, the Pats had beaten Pittsburgh and San Diego had slammed New England in consecutive weeks.

 

But this is the NFL folks, where the regular season has more twists and turns than Troy Polamalu's hair after a ride in a convertible.  In a monsoon.  Two impressive wins in a row rarely become ten, and we wish we'd gone public with our belief that the Steelers would complete the loop on the road-team trifecta.

 

Frankly, we can't recall a three-week stretch in which a trio of top teams from different divisions in the same conference went round-robin with the road team winning each game.  And although the development doesn't speak well to each franchise's ability to hold serve at home, the fact that each can win big games on the road against quality opponents tells us that the AFC playoffs could be the best season-ending tournament ever.

 

Regardless of eventual seeding, we see the Colts, Pats, Steelers, Bengals, Chargers, and Broncos making it to the postseason.  And if the final four includes Indy, New England, Pittsburgh, and San Diego, fire up the TiVo for three classic matchups as that quartet gets whittled down to one.

 

3.  Don't Write Off The Packers.

 

A year ago, the Packers were 1-4 after five games.  They then won nine of their last eleven and won the division.

 

This year, the Pack again is 1-4.  And the difference is that they're on a one-game winning streak this time around, with two weeks to get ready for their next game, at Minnesota.

 

The 2005 version of the Pack, however, is a shell of the 2004 model, due to injuries and free agency.  Moreover, the schedule doesn't bode well, with the next six games featuring a home-and-home with the Vikings and games against the Bengals, Steelers, Falcons, and Eagles.

 

Still, in a dreadfully diluted division the Pack could steal the thing if the guys who played 52 smack-down with the Saints can show up on a more regular basis.

 

And if the Pack can sneak into the playoffs to cap the Brett Favre farewell tour, things could get very interesting in the NFC come January.

 

4.  Don't Write Off The Eagles.

 

The same "look only at last week's scores" mentality that resulted in the Chargers being handed the inside track to Motown after beating the Pats has resulted more recently in a widespread media presumption that the Eagles are over.

 

Please.

 

We're not saying that it couldn't quickly be lights out for Philly, if/when quarterback Donovan McNabb can't go because of his sports hernia.  But we're not about to assume that Philly has been exposed merely because the Eagles lost on the road to a division foe.

 

Look, virtually every Super Bowl winner loses at least one road game against one of the teams that know it better than any other.  Last year, the Pats lost at Miami.  In 2003, the Pats were bitch-slapped in Buffalo, 31-0.  In 2002, the 12-4 Bucs were 0-2 against the Saints.  In 2001, the Pats lost 30-10 at Miami.  In 2000, the Ravens lost to Pittsburgh and to then-AFC Central foe Tennessee.

 

In fact, the last team to sweep its division en route to a Super Bowl was the 1999 Rams, who steamrolled through an underwhelming NFC West, which featured a 49ers team led by then-unproven Jeff Garcia, the last year of the ill-fated Ditka era in New Orleans, a mediocre Panthers team, and a Falcons franchise decimated by the early season loss of workhorse tailback Jamal Anderson.

 

The Eagles are still the team to beat in the NFC, and we figure that the "real" media will come back around on this one after they rattle off wins against the Chargers, Broncos, and Redskins in their next three games.

 

5.  Get Rid Of Replay.

 

Okay, NFL.  We're fans of the instant replay system.  But if the zebras ain't gonna use it in the manner it's intended, we prefer that the entire system be scuttled.

 

For two weeks in a row, the dude in the white hat has used less-than-indisputable video to take six points off of the board.  On October 2, the Lions got jobbed out of a win when the powers-that-be carefully cross-referenced multiple angles to overturn the call on the field.  On Monday night, Orlando Brown's favorite guy in stripes concluded that Hines Ward was down by contact when his foot was (apparently) grazed by Quentin Jammer's hand -- even though it hardly was indisputable that Ward had full and final possession of the catch when the supposed contact was made.

 

But the standard for ignoring the live-action call is indisputability.  Unless the NFL plans to yank the old guys in too-tight polyester off of the field and rely on cameras to make every call (which might not be a bad idea given some of the events of the past weekend), Mike Pereira needs to hold a refresher course on what is and isn't subject to reversal in lieu of going on the air (as we assume he will on Wednesday night) to defend another bad call.

 

Now for the five non-game takes:

 

1.   No Maas, Bill.

 

We'll admit that we like FOX's Bill Maas, since he isn't your typical on-air sock puppet.  He periodically has some great insights about the X's and O's, and he doesn't feel compelled to constantly remind the viewers that he once wore a helmet with an NFL logo on it.

 

And while watching the Redskins embark on a 94-yard drive that would have tied their game with the Broncos at 21 if Washington had converted the two-pointer at Denver, Maas astutely pointed out that the Broncos once were involved in a relatively significant postseason game against the Browns involving a similar "Drive."

 

But Maas ventured a bit too far out on the limb when he suggested that "The Drive" occurred "on this very field."

 

It was beyond idiotic, on two levels.

 

First, any self-respecting NFL fan who was following the sport in 1986 knows that John Elway pulled off the unthinkable not in front of the home fans, but in Cleveland.

 

Second, the "very field" to which Maas referred on Sunday didn't exist in 1986. 

 

Maybe we're being picky.  And maybe we should cut these guys a little slack.  After all, it's hard to work for three whole hours every week for 17 straight weeks a year -- and it's even harder to find time on those airplanes and in those hotel rooms to fill your grill with as many nuggets and factoids as possible about the game you love, so that you can, you know, not make yourself look and/or sound like a dumbass when a few million folks are watching and listening.

 

2.  We've Had Enough Of Michael Irvin.

 

We don't like Michael Irvin.  We admit it.  He's graduated from a loud-mouthed, "I'm better than all of you" player to a loud-mouthed, "I'm better than all of you" analyst. 

 

And the difference between us and the Playmaker/Dopetaker/Housebreaker is that we're willing and able to acknowledge our biases.

 

Irvin isn't.

 

Case in point -- in the wake of his cat-fight with Cowboys receiver Keyshawn Johnson, Irvin now takes advantage of every opportunity possible from his bully-bullsh-t pulpit to criticize Key.  But Irvin doesn't always mention his feud with Johnson when providing supposedly objective insight and criticism of him.

 

On Monday night, for example, Irvin called out Keyshawn for getting into a finger-pointing jaw-jabbering with his quarterback, Drew Bledsoe.  Mike says that no receiver ever should do this.  (And did anyone seriously believe Irvin's claim that he never got pissed off at Troy Aikman?) 

 

Irvin then took it to the next level, arguing that the play prompting the scuffle, which involved a D-back putting a hat on the ball while it was in Johnson's arm, somehow was Johnson's fault.

 

We think guys need to know how to tote the pig, and we're amazed at how few of them know how to protect it.  But even the tightest of grips typically will yield to a hard plastic helmet with a head inside it and a body behind it.

 

And even the hardest of heads, as in Irvin's, needs to realize that he's allowing his opinions to be influenced by his likes and dislikes -- and that the purpose of his TV gig isn't to help his friends and poop on his enemies.

 

3.  Buh-bye, Jimmy.

 

Kudos to the folks at ABC for euthanizing the dreadful Jimmy Kimmel MNF halftime segment.  As we pointed out last week, the thing had evolved from a 60-second spot about football that wasn't funny and really sucked to a 60-second segment not about football that wasn't funny and really sucked.

 

Next step for Jimmy?  Perhaps the network will pull the plug on his late-night talk show, which isn't funny and really sucks.

 

Really, if there ever was a guy who was proof positive of the Peter Principle played out in the entertainment industry, it's Kimmel.

 

4.  Maybe Mike Shouldn't Wear A Tie.

 

We were in favor of 49ers coach Mike Nolan being permitted to wear a tie during games.

 

Until, that is, we actually saw him wearing a tie.

 

We eyeballed a shot of Nolan at his Monday press conference sporting jacket, shirt, tie.  Nice touch, Mike, but allow us to offer a tiny bit of sartorial advice.

 

When wearing a necktie, it is common practice in our culture to, you know, push the knot up to the top of the shirt, allowing the tie to obscure the top button.

 

Until Nolan learns this, he'll look like a freshman at a Catholic high school who was late getting back from phys ed.

 

5.  Al Michaels Makes The Forbidden Reference.

 

In the wake of the NFL's insistence that all ads for the current film Two for the Money be yanked from pro football broadcasts because the movie openly acknowledges (surprise, surprise) that people actually bet money on football games, we were shocked to hear ABC's Al Michaels jokingly ask Arnold Schwarzenegger for the winner in the fifth at Santa Anita after Michaels played tape of Ahnold's prediction of a Jets comeback during that classic October 2000 game between New York and the Fins.

 

We're not suggesting that Michaels engages in gambling, legal or otherwise.  But with the National Football League as obsessive-compulsive as ever about avoiding any suggestion that the game and those connected to it would even consider placing a bet on anything, our guess is that Al got a friendly reminder on Tuesday that it might be a good idea in the future to say nothing about wagering of any kind, at any time.

 

POSTED 6:47 a.m. EDT, October 11, 2005

 

BILLICK BLIND, DEAF, AND DUMB

 

After a ridiculous display in Detroit on Sunday, during which the Ravens were slapped with 21 penalties and two ejections during a thumping that gave Baltimore a rude awakening as to how bad the team really is, coach Brian Billick plans no in-house penalty for a team that he has described as "out-of-control men."

 

"What happened [Sunday] is not a discipline issue.  It's not a character issue," Billick said, according to The Baltimore Sun.  "It manifested itself in one game.  I hope it's a one-game aberration, but I can't take that chance.  But I'm not going to overreact to it.

 

"If I thought an internal monetary sanction would suffice or help, I'd do it in a New York second.  It does not.  If they are not remorseful on their own, then we're no better off than we were [Sunday]."

 

Possible translation:  "I am like Siegfried and/or Roy in a cage full of wild animals and I don't think that hitting them with a whip is in my best interests right now."

 

Really, Billick's comments are an implicit recognition that he can't alter the ugly nature of many of the guys who are on his team, and that, in certain circumstances, that nature will manifest itself in ugly ways. 

 

And Billick knows he can't control them.  He told the team at halftime not to talk to the officials -- and two of them were ejected in the second half of bumping them.  ("Yeah, but we didn't talk to them.")

 

So shouldn't a head coach react with the kind of fire and brimstone that made guys like Lombardi and Ditka and Parcells so effective?  According to Brian the Brain, the answer is no.

 

"The only real substantive action they can take is to not let it happen again," Billick said. "The rest is just cheap talk."

 

What the f--k does that mean?  Under Billick's theory, guys wouldn't be arrested for breaking the law.  They'd just be asked nicely not to do it again.

 

The bottom line, as we see it, is that the inmates are indeed running the jail, and that Billick knows in his heart that he'll no longer by playing Colonel Klink by the end of the year, if not sooner.  In Billick's mind, then, cracking down on the crazies isn't worth it.

 

Especially when it could get a guy killed.

 

HENDERSON'S AGENT TAKES OFFENSE

 

We received on Monday night an e-mail from agent Tony Agnone, who represents Jets defensive coordinator Donnie Henderson.  Agnone took exception to our Monday report regarding Henderson's potential role in the creation of the mess with which Brian Billick is now dealing in Baltimore. Agnone also disagreed with our source's opinion that the same mentality is taking root under Henderson in New York.

 

"For your source to hold Donnie responsible for the actions of players he has not coached in well over a year is not fair," Agnone wrote.  "Also, Donnie was a position coach at that time and had no responsibility for making draft decisions. 

 

"In addition I would question the credibility of this 'unnamed source' since Donnie has a tremendous reputation around the NFL and is not known as a coach who preaches the 'thug mentality.'  I would challenge your source to point out the 'anti-social' behavior that has taken place since Donnie has been in NY.  Donnie is one of the most respected Defensive Coordinators in the NFL and has greatly improved the Jets defense since his arrival in NY.  Donnie preaches aggressive play, but within the rules of the league.  I feel strongly your 'unnamed source' owes Donnie Henderson and the entire NY Jets organization an apology for these irresponsible quotes."

 

We'll let y'all know if our "unnamed source" contacts us with an apology for Henderson and the Jets.  For now, though, let's consider the accuracy of some of Agnone's statements.

 

First, our source didn't opine that Henderson preaches a "thug mentality," but that he tolerates it.

 

Second, perhaps we should have pointed out the specific examples of antisocial behavior that have occurred since Henderson has taken over the Jets' defense, such as the chippy (at a minimum) joint practice between the Jets and Giants in August, which prompted Henderson to say (reportedly) to Giants coach Tom Coughlin, "That's how we practice.  We put our [helmets] on people."

 

And then there's the Week One sideline boxing match between linebacker Jonathan Vilma and nose tackle James Reed, which left Vilma with a swollen eye.  In that same game, there was a less-publicized sideline spat between Henderson and defensive end John Abraham, who also is represented by Agnone.

 

And "represented by Agnone" are the key words here.  We respect Tony for taking up for his client, but the reality is that Agnone knows that Henderson is regarded as a potential head coaching candidate.  But who'll hire Henderson to run a team if the owner fears that, under Henderson, the team will misbehave?

 

Since Agnone apparently recognizes that our site is in a position of potential influence, given the opinions of our sources, we'll throw this one open to our network of league insiders, industry sources, and any other readers with front-office or coaching jobs (you know you're out there) for their input on this one: 

 

Is Henderson partially responsible for the current mess in Baltimore?  And is the Jets defense beginning to show some of the tendencies of the AFC North's version of the Mean Machine?

 

We'll let you know what our folks have to say. 

 

TUESDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger's injured knee wasn't wrapped after Monday night's game; "I'll be all right," he said.  "You know me, I'm tough."  (Hey, Ben, "tough" only gets you so far with a torn ACL.)

 

Rams coach Mike Martz says that he's out at least six weeks, and that he has yet to receive a definitive diagnosis that he has endocarditis.

 

Bernie Miklasz of The St. Louis Post-Dispatch makes a great case for Martz to resign.

 

Maybe that ground hog perched atop the head of Texans coach Dom Capers can persuade him that, with an 0-4 record and games against the Seahawks and Colts coming up, it might be time to panic.

 

T.O. caused a mild stir by wearing his girlfriend's jersey on the way home from Sunday's thumping in Dallas.  (Editor's note:  We are not implying that Terrell Owens and Michael Irvin are engaged in a homosexual relationship, or even that one of them has a platonic man-crush on the other.  Both of them are heterosexuals as far as we know, as evidenced by Irvin's past admissions of having sex with women other than his wife.)

 

RB Ronnie Brown and RB Ricky Williams could line up at the same time, with one of them in the slot as a wideout.

 

Even with the Bucs at 4-1, roster changes could be coming.

 

Chiefs CB Eric Warfield is back after a four-game suspension, but coach Dick Vermeil says that he might not be activated for Sunday's game against the Redskins.

 

Vikings defensive coordinator Ted Cottrell takes exception to suggestions that he should streamline his schemes; "[I]t's been streamlined," he said.  "If it was any more streamlined, it would just be one line."

 

Vikings WR Nate Burleson might miss Sunday's game with a previously undisclosed shoulder injury.

 

Steelers QB Tommy Maddox will miss 3-4 weeks with a calf injury.

 

POSTED 7:42 p.m. EDT, October 10, 2005

 

MORA ADMITS TO INJURY REPORT FIBBING?

 

Falcons coach Jim Mora might have said a bit too much on Monday when addressing whether quarterback Mike Vick will return to action in Week Six from a knee injury that made him an unexpected scratch for Sunday's home loss to the Patriots.

 

Asked if Mora has decided whether Vick or backup Matt Schaub will practice with the ones on Wednesday, Mora replied:

 

"No.  I will tell you Wednesday. I have to believe that Michael [Vick] made progress.  We will see if it is enough in my opinion to play him.  He will work out today.  I am sure he will do some stuff tomorrow, and we should have a good feel Wednesday.  Of course I told you that last week too.  Why would you ever believe me right now?  I wouldn't.  I don't want you to though."

 

What the hell does that mean?  We can hear that Mora apologists claiming that, like Bill Bennett, Jimbo didn't really say what he said or, at a minimum, he didn't mean it. 

 

Bullsh-t, we say.  The only thing more offensive than Mora's apparent violation of the injury reporting rules last week is his more recent flaunting of his apparent violation.  Even if Mora's handling of the Vick injury prior to the Pats game somehow was legit (not likely), Mora never should be suggesting, seriously or in jest, that he would lie about the health of his players for strategic advantage.

 

Look, we don't care if Falcons G.M. Rich McKay is the Chair of the Competion Committee, the Commish in Waiting, and/or the Grand Duchess of Buckhead -- if Mora is breaking the rules regarding injury reporting, the league needs to take action.  Now.

 

We're still waiting to see whether the league will.  And whether the real media will have the stones to dig deep into this mess.

 

POSTED 4:30 p.m. EDT, October 10, 2005

 

MARTZ DONE FOR SIX WEEKS

 

A league source tells us that Rams coach Mike Martz will step down for six weeks as he continues to battle endocarditis, a bacterial infection of the heart.

 

Martz, we hear, told his players of the decision at a 2:00 p.m. CDT meeting.  As reported by The St. Louis Post-Dispatch, Martz is back in the hospital for treatment in connection with the condition.

 

Martz was diagnosed with endocarditis last week.  He was on the sidelines for Sunday's home game against the Seahawks. 

 

Per the source, assistant head coach/linebackers coach Joe Vitt will take the reins in Martz's absence.

 

POSTED 4:07 p.m. EDT, October 10, 2005

 

MARTZ RETURNS TO HOSPITAL

 

According to The St. Louis Post-Dispatch, Rams coach Mike Martz is back in the hospital getting treatment for endocarditis, a potentially life-threatening bacterial infection of the heart.

 

Martz's usual Monday afternoon press conference has been canceled.

 

Team president John Shaw will address Martz's status at 5:00 p.m. CDT news conference.  Speculation is rampant as to whether Martz will step aside from his coaching duties as he recovers from this disease.

 

POSTED 1:04 p.m. EDT, October 10, 2005

 

DEUCE IS DONE

 

Jay Glazer of FOXSports.com report that Saints running back Deuce McAllister has a torn ACL and will miss the rest of the season.

 

McAllister twisted his knee with seven minutes left in the third quarter of Sunday's blowout loss at Green Bay.  At the time, the outcome was not in doubt.  Thus, look for some internal finger-pointing regarding the decision to leave McAllister in the game.

 

The Saints will seek a second opinion, but preliminary tests indicate a tear.  With a typical rehab period of six-to-nine months, he could be ready to go when offseason workouts start kicking in next April.  Then again, he might not be ready to play until training camp opens.

 

McAllister, a 2001 first-rounder who fell through the top twenty picks and landed with the Saints, signed a long-term extension with the team before the start of the season -- which helped him to avoid the same fate as linebacker Ian Gold.  Gold, in his contract year, didn't have a new deal in place with the Broncos before tearing up his knee during the 2003 season.  He signed a face-saving long-term deal with Tampa, which turned out to be a one-year deal.  He fired his agents, the Postons, and negotiated a new contract on his own with the Broncos prior to the 2005 season.

 

Deuce won't have to worry about where he'll be in 2006, but he's got plenty of work to do to get himself ready to play, if the second opinion confirms that the knee is shot.

 

Finally, from the "It's Better to Be Prophetic Than Pathetic" file, here's our One-Liner on the McAllister injury from Monday morning, before word of the ACL tear broke:  "Saints RB Deuce McAllister says that he doesn't expect his knee injury to be serious (but haven't we heard that same kind of stuff in the past before learning that the MRI shows a popped ACL?)."

 

POSTED 10:13 a.m. EDT, October 10, 2005

 

IMMORAL BEHAVIOR IN ATLANTA?

 

Folks around the league are questioning the manner in which the Atlanta Falcons and head coach Jim Mora handled the injury that ultimately kept quarterback Michael Vick out of Sunday's game against the Patriots.

 

Vick suffered a sprained knee on October 2, during a 30-10 win over the Vikings.  For much of the week, it looked like Vick would play against the Pats -- especially when he was upgraded from questionable to probable after practice on Wednesday

 

And let's be clear on this.  Although the media routinely describes "probable" as meaning that there is a 75 percent chance that the guy will play, the true definition of the term (per Steve Alic of the NFL league office), is that there is a "[v]irtual certainty that player will be available for normal duty."

 

Virtual certainty.  As in practically certain.  

 

But after a walk-through on Saturday, Vick was downgraded to questionable.  A day later, he was in street clothes for the game.

 

So was it a situation where Vick's knee was healing and then all of a sudden it wasn't?  Did a defensive lineman, for example, ignore the spirit of the NFL walk-through session and throw down The Franchise? 

 

Or was it a walk-through . . . . a bed of flaming coals? 

 

If something indeed happened to aggravate the injury on Saturday, it was news to Vick, who expressed disappointment at the sudden decision to hold him out.  "I thought I'd play," he said.  (Then again, it's possible that Vick was in on the ruse.)

 

In the wake of the game, which the Falcons lost on a late field goal after backup Matt Schaub led the team back from two double-digit deficits, some league insiders think that Falcons coach Jim Mora intentionally manipulated the injury reporting system in order to dupe the Pats into thinking that Vick would play (as we suspected while the events of the week unfolded).

 

Really, how does a guy go from probable after practicing on Wednesday to questionable after a Saturday walk-through?  It doesn't make sense, and it'll be very interesting to see whether the league office does anything about it, given that NFL golden boy Rich McKay is the Falcons' G.M., who also happens to be the Chair of the Competition Committee, which crafts the very rules that Mora might have ignored.

 

An easy step for the league would be to order up video of the team's practice on Wednesday, especially since there are rumblings that Vick in fact didn't take a single snap this past week.

 

Get going on this one, real media.  We don't expect The AJC to do anything about it, since they're so deep in Art Blank's back pocket that they know what he ate for brunch last Tuesday.  Here's hoping that some other folks in the business with Atlanta connections will start poking around in the hopes of exposing what could end up being a major example of abuse regarding the injury reporting system.

 

And beyond the competitive advantage that the Falcons might have gained, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that the truth might have ended up in the hands of a guy or two who might have been inclined to put some money on the Pats minus 2.5.  Indeed, the real reason for the NFL's obsession with accurate and complete injury information is to prevent situations in which folks might conclude that they can get inside information for betting purposes by getting friendly with players, coaches, doctors, waterboys, etc.  

 

So if Mora gets a pass on this one, don't be surprised if lots of guys who look and sound (and eat) like Tony Siragusa start cozying up to those persons who are in position at any given moment to know the straight dope about the health of Falcons players.

 

INMATES RUN THE PRISON IN BALTIMORE

 

In the wake of the Ravens' penalty-filled loss to the Lions, which included two suspensions for contact with officials, a league source tells us that the problem in Baltimore is and has been that the inmates are running the prison.

 

"They certainly don't discourage certain behavior nor do they hold people accountable for acting like thugs," said the source.  "They have embraced criminals like Ray Lewis and Jamal Lewis and projected them as their top players.  They send a message that certain behavior is acceptable.

 

"It's bad for the NFL, not just the Ravens."

 

It's hardly a new phenomenon, says the source, who attributes the thug mentality in Baltimore to former assistant coach Donnie Henderson.  

 

Henderson is now the defensive coordinator of the Jets, and the source thinks that the anti-social approach has followed Henderson to New York.

 

The real question for the Ravens is whether relatively new owner Steve Bisciott will tolerate it.  "He seems like a smart guy and a good guy," said the source.  "But he'd better realize that this team and these guys are a reflection of him personally."

 

And the deeper question is whether the NFL will take a strong stand against such Playmakers-type behavior.

 

"The league better get smart and address this crap," said the source.  "The fans that are supporting football are not looking for this."

 

MONDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

Dookie Davenport has a broken ankle, and is done for the year.

 

To motivate his Pats against the Falcons, coach Bill Belichick showed them a tape of the Marvin Hagler-Thomas Hearns fight from way back in 1985 (gee -- did they also listen to a little "Wham!"?).

 

Rams coach Mike Martz has endocarditis, and his team has a bad case of aintgotnodefense.

 

Ravens DB B.J. Ward, ejected for bumping an official, apparently took the fall for Ed Reed.

 

The Colts are finding flaws in their 28-3 shellacking of the Niners.

 

Colts QB Peyton Manning is on pace for 22 touchdown passes, down just a tad from last season's 49.

 

Lions CB Dre' Bly knows that there's only one place where 2-2 equals first place:  "I'm just blessed to be in the [NFC] North, man."

 

How can a guy who covers a beat for a living in the NFC East not know that the Giants aren't undefeated?

 

Redskins LB LaVar Arrington went from two plays to, well, none in the team's 21-19 loss to the Broncos.

 

Martin Fennelley of The Tampa Tribune sums up the Bucs aptly with this one:  "They don't have a 5-0 offense. Or a 5-0 quarterback. Or, judging by Sunday, a 5-0 mind-set.  That'll get you 4-1 every time."

 

More than 25,000 folks who had bought tickets didn't show for the Texans' free-fall to 0-4 against the not-so-mighty-mighty Titans.

 

Houston owner Bob McNair apparently won't be dumping G.M. Charley Casserly or coach Dom Capers before the end of the season.

 

Mark Cannizarro of The New York Post suggests that the Jets' win over the Bucs with modern-Stone Age QB Vinny Flintaverde is the stuff of Tinsel Town. (Sorry, Mark, but it's been done.)

 

["Yabba-dabba-do I get another pay check?"]

 

Saints RB Deuce McAllister says that he doesn't expect his knee injury to be serious (but haven't we heard that same kind of stuff in the past before learning that the MRI shows a popped ACL?).

 

Pats RB Corey Dillon has passed the 10,000 yard mark for his career (he should get bonus yards for all the stripes he picked up while wearing stripes).

 

Bad news:  The Bears defense collapsed late in Cleveland.  (Good news:  The offense-challenged Vikings come to town on Sunday.)

 

Jets round two pick K Mike Nugent missed two field goals in a narrow two-point win (maybe they shouldn't have said "too-dles" to Doug Brien).

 

With more penalties than points on Sunday, why do we have a feeling that the Fins will be hearing it from the Nicktator this week?

 

Ricky rejoins the Fins on Monday after a four-game sit.

 

Seahawks S Michael Boulware is okay after suffering an apparent back injury on Sunday.

 

From the "Lessons Learned From Cindy Brady" file, Jets head coach Herm Edwards says that he didn't tell the refs that Bucs CB Ronde' Barber had cold-cocked umpire Butch Hannah because "I'm not a tattle-tale."

 

With Jets RB Derrick Blaylock out for the year, could Vinny Flintaverde be joined by former Cowboys teammate Eddie Rubble? 

 

POSTED 2:54 p.m. EDT, October 9, 2005

 

NFLPA TARGETING POSTONS?

 

A league insider tells us that the NFL Players Association is planning to take on the not-so-fabulous Poston boys for their bungling of Redskins linebacker LaVar Arrington's December 2003 contract renegotiation.

 

The Arrington fiasco, of course, is just another example of the Postons' inept (in our opinion) handling of their clients' contractual situations.  In 2004, the Postons placed into Kellen Winslow's contract a big-money incentive minimum playing time incentive (which typically is regarded as guaranteed money) for only one season.  Winslow broke a leg early in the year, didn't participate in 35 percent of the team's snaps on offense, and will never get that extra money.

 

As to Arrington, the Postons conceded that they didn't read the final draft of the contract, which allegedly failed to contain a $6.5 million roster bonus for 2006, in addition to the $6.5 million 2006 roster bonus that the deal already promised.  The grievance filed by Arrington eventually was resolved in apparent face-saving fashion for LaVar, whose spot on the depth chart only one level above the guy who scrubs the mold out of the Gatorade tanks every April arguably is connected to the frivolous claim Arrington and his agents made against the team.

 

Then there's former Pats safety Lawyer Milloy, who pissed away a potential lifetime of off-field financial security in Beantown by grabbing the money in Buffalo.  And don't forget about former Pats corner Ty Law, who turned up his nose at an extension with New England before suffering a foot injury that forced him to take a pig-in-lipstick long-term deal with the Jets, which really is a one-year contract. 

 

At this point, we don't know whether the NFLPA plans to attempt to suspend or expel the Poston brothers, or whether some other sanction is planned.  What we do know is that something is in the works -- and that the it will hit the fan in the not-too-distant future. 
 

WINSLOW GETS AN EXTENSION

 

Speaking of the devils, Jay Glazer of FOXSports.com reports that one of the aforementioned Postons clients, Kellen Winslow, is poised sign a one-year extension with the Browns.  The new deal will enable him via incentives to recover much of the signing and option bonus money that he forfeited as a result of a May 2005 motorcycle accident, which occurred while he was practicing tricks with a high-powered "crotch rocket" bike.

 

In exchange, Winslow agrees to stay with Cleveland for another season, and he also sacrifices a $950,000 bonus payment due in December 2005.

 

The deal apparently is the direct result of Winslow's work ethic in rehab from the torn ACL he sustained when he made like Superman (without, you know, the ability to fly) over the handlebars of his Suzuki.

 

Sure, the Postons played this one the right way, for a change.  But with absolutely no leverage and the Browns in position to hold a lot of Winslow's money, the player's only option was to shut his mouth and bust his ass.

 

Even the Postons are smart enough to figure that out.

 

POSTED 11:25 a.m. EDT, October 8, 2005

 

JOSH A McCLOWN?

 

At a time when some players within the Arizona Cardinals organization are pushing for backup quarterback Josh/Cade McCown to supplant Kurt Warner as Warner nurses a groin injury, we're hearing that the feelings within the walls are hardly unanimous.

 

Some players, we hear, believe that McClown has happy feet, and that he's simply not very good.  There also are some who don't like his "Praise Jesus" routines after touchdowns, prompting locker-room references to him as "Little Kurt."

 

Once again, folks, God doesn't care about football.  He's not helping your team win.  And though we generally have no problem with guys pointing skyward to acknowledge the Almighty and/or a deceased friend or relative after a play, we're still not comfortable with the presumption that God has rewarded the guy who made the good play -- and therefore somehow punished the guy who missed the assignment or got flat-out burned.

 

And even though Don Vito of Viva La Bam did his best to slurp on McCown in his weekly Sheep Tit . . . we mean Tip Sheet . . . , we're hearing from solid and qualified personnel types that anyone who gives starter money to McCown when he hits the market after the season is "f---king insane."

 

"He was playing San Fran on Sunday," said one source.  "Not New England."

 

An intriguing side issue regarding the performance of McCown while Warner gets nightly bull rider massages from Yoko (insert shudder here) is that both quarterbacks are handled by the same agent shop -- and our guess is that Mark Bartelstein, Rick Smith, and/or Mike McCartney will be puckering more than a little bit if/when either Warner or McCown start bitching to one or more of them about the other guy.

 

MANUEL NOT WRIGHT YET FOR FINS

 

Contrary to Don Vito's report that Miami rookie defensive tackle Manuel Wright got some work with the ones this week, we're hearing that Wright has not yet taken the field in practice with the starting defense, and that Wright still isn't ready to play in the NFL.

 

"He's not a football player," said one league source.  "He's more like a sumo wrestler."

 

Then again, many run-stopping, toilet-clogging interior defensive linemen fit that same description.  But don't forget that Wright is still young, and that the Fins use of a fifth-rounder in next year's draft largely was an investment in the future.

 

Still, he ain't ready yet -- and Sheep Tit . . . we mean Tip Sheet . . . is flat-out wrong in reporting that Wright was practicing with Miami's starters.

 

WEEK FOUR "USED FOOD"

 

We were gonna call this new (and possibly one-time only) segment "Leftovers."  But yours truly has a neighbor whose kids call leftovers "used food," and we love that term.

 

So let's take a look at the last few morsels in the back of the fridge as Week Four prepares to yield to the fifth week of the regular season.

 

1.  NFL Got Its Way On Plummer.

 

When the NFL opted not to fine Broncos quarterback Jake Plummer for his blatant violation of the league's OCD-fueled uniform policy resulting from his failure to wear the "Futbol Americano" decal, our theory was that the league decided that the best way to keep the whole thing quiet (and thus not dampen last weekend's Latin love-fest) was to give Jake a pass.

 

If, after all, Plummer had been hit for five large or more for refusing to wear the decal, which we're told was directly related to the guff he got from the league last year when he wore the Pat Tillman decal, the move surely would have landed on the wire services -- and would have been mentioned in newspapers and over el mundo.

 

We think that the powers-that-be within the wire services and all other national media outlets picked up on this "wink, nod" from the NFL, opting to ignore the inherently compelling story of a starting NFL quarterback flipping Una Paloma Blanca to the league office for reasons tracing back to the tragic death of his former teammate and friend.

 

We're still holding out hope that the sock puppets in the pregame shows will mention the decal debacle on Sunday.  But why do we have a feeling that they've already gotten a memo that it's not to be discussed?

 

2.  Pats Said "Uncle" Against The Chargers.

 

If we would've told Peter Griffin a week ago that the Pats home game against the Chargers would be capped by backup quarterback Matt Cassel taking a knee in victory formation, Peter likely would've proclaimed that the news was "freakin' sweet."

 

The reality -- not so freakin' sweet.

 

Yeah, it was Cassel on the field and the Pats burning the clock to close out a blowout last week.  But the home team was on the wrong end of the ass kicking.

 

Cassel actually had entered the game with less than two minutes remaining, when the Chargers had pushed the score to 34-17.  After Cassel coughed up a pick-six, coach Bill Belichick gave the order to kneel.

 

But why?  Why yank starter Tom Brady with a chance (albeit extremely remote) to pull off some late-game magic?  And why take a knee when there was time for the green-horned Cassel to get a couple of extra reps?

 

The decision by Belichick to pack it in sends a potentially dangerous message to the team.  The moves to pull Brady and to then to take a knee and run could reasonably be interpreted as an acknowledgement by Belichick that the team is indeed reeling -- and that the best thing to do was to get out of a bad situation before anything else bad could happen.

 

3.  The Bengals Almost Got Trapped.

 

That 16-10 score in the Cincy home game against Houston was even closer than the final score suggested.  Trailing 13-10 late in the fourth, the Texans were in position to drive down the field and go for the tie -- or the win.

 

But then quarterback David Carr was hit as he was passing, the ball squirted out, and landed in the hands of Cincy defensive tackle (and PFT favorite) John Thornton. 

 

A very questionable replay review upheld the ruling that Carr had fumbled the ball.  Our assessment of the thing was that Carr's arm was indeed moving forward.

 

And if that key call had gone the other way (as it should have), the Bengals could have come out of the game with an unexpected loss to the otherwise winless Texans.

 

The Bengals of old periodically would benefit from superior teams taking them lightly.  Think back to 2000, when Corey Dillon of the 0-6 Bengals ran wild for a then-record 278 yards over the Broncos, who would eventually making the playoffs (as usual) that year, losing (as usual) in the first round.

 

So we suggest that these new guys wearing the ugly-ass orange and black need to pop out some films from some of those games in years past when the otherwise dreadful Bengals periodically rose up and took a chunk out of a better team. 

 

It's a problem that this franchise hasn't had to face for a loooong time, but it's a phenomenon with which the organization unfortunately has been very familiar.

 

4.  J.P. Losman Deserves To Be Benched.

 

After closer review of the Saints-Bills game, it's clear to us that quarterback J.P. Losman earned his spot on the bench. 

 

How so?  Starting a second-quarter drive just after the Saints had cut the score to 7-3, Losman pulled off a great play-action fake, which gave him plenty of time to set up and throw deep.

 

And throw deep he did.  To a not-so-wide-open Eric Moulds.  And when we say "not-so-wide-open," we mean "fully bracketed by Jason Craft and Josh Bullocks."

 

Losman rushed the throw, didn't look to any other receivers, and put the ball way over Moulds and into the arms of Craft, whose return inside Bills territory set up the drive that led to the go-ahead score for the Saints.

 

Most NFL games turn on a handful of plays, and Losman's ill-advised and ill-aimed throw to Moulds shows that he's just not ready to display the kind of patience and accuracy necessary to be a successful pro quarterback.

 

5.  We Still Think The Lions Got Jobbed.

 

Even though we watched and listened to the explanation provided by NFL director of officials Mike "Make Sure You Get My Good Side" Pereira as to that game-determining replay review from the Bucs-Lions game, we're still not persuaded that the call on the field (touchdown for Marcus Pollard and, in effect, a win for Detroit) should have been scuttled.

 

Pereira said that the reversal resulted from the comparison of two separate replay angles.  By looking back and forth between the two shots, it was concluded that Pollard didn't actually have possession of the ball before his knee was on the white line.

 

Sorry, guys, but that still doesn't constitute "indisputable visual evidence" in our book.  How could it?  Anything that requires five minutes to explain and the comparison of multiple video angles with a dash of leap of faith ain't indisputable.

 

Again, there's a difference between using video to make the call fresh and using it to overturn a call that was clearly wrong.

 

In yours truly's primary line of work, judicial decisions are appealed based on an appropriate standard of review.  In a de novo review, the appeals court makes the decision on its own, without regard to what the lower court thought or did.  Other standards require the appeals court to defer to the judge who made the decision, unless the decision was (for example) clearly erroneous or an abuse of discretion.

 

If an appeals court is asked to determine whether a trial judge's decision was "indisputably wrong," that's a ridiculously high standard to overcome.  And if the NFL is serious about providing such an extreme degree of deference to the guy on the field who makes the call live as, in this case, the thing is happening right in front of him, the dude in the white hat needs to refrain from the temptation to review the thing from scratch.

 

POSTED 2:46 p.m. EDT; UPDATED 4:19 p.m. EDT, October 7, 2005

 

McMICHAEL DEAL A WIN-WIN

 

As usual, the initial media report (i.e., Lenny's knee-pad routine for the agent who spork-fed him the info, along with some ziti) regarding a high-profile contract extension doesn't tell the whole story.

 

Discussions with multiple league insiders have yielded some intriguing details regarding the four-year contract extension signed on Thursday by Dolphins tight end Randy McMichael.  Based on the nuggets set forth below it appears to us that both the team and the player benefit from this one, especially in light of McMichael's history of playing life-size Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots with the mother of his children and his potential status (per prior published reports) in the league's substance abuse program.

 

The total bonus money is, at first glance, a solid $8.92 million.  However, only $1.52 million is paid up front.  The next installment -- a $4.4 million roster bonus -- is due in March 2006.  The final chunk is another roster bonus worth $3 million, which comes due in March 2008.  The Dolphins have the right to convert the roster boni to guaranteed payments, which will then allow the money to be spread into multiple years under the salary cap.

 

The Dolphins, then, are essentially paying McMichael $2 million for the 2005 season (his salary is $480,000), with an option to pick up a four-year deal in March 2006 -- if he continues to perform and if he manages to behave.  The Fins also have another "out" in 2006, when they can avoid paying him $3 million if he has become ineffective on the field or incarcerated off of it.

 

Given McMichael's unusual but hardly unique circumstances, the structure of the bonus payment has one clear benefit.  Because he isn't getting the money in the form of a signing/option bonus, the team does not have the same rights to recover payments.

 

We're told that the contract requires him only to repay the roster bonus amounts if he defaults during the year in which the roster bonus is paid.  Thus, if McMichael makes it through 2006 without incident, the $4.4 million stays in his pocket even if he is suspended or holds out in 2007.

 

Ditto for the $3 million due in 2008.  As of 2009, he can't be required to pay any of it back.

 

We're also told that McMichael is in the process of purchasing insurance that will guarantee his $4.4 million roster bonus in the event that the team chooses not to pick it up, if McMichael suffers any injury in 2005 that requires him to miss practice or a game.  The cost of the insurance is roughly $70,000, we hear, but the policy apparently will result in payment of the full $4.4 million even if the reason for the team's decision not to pay the money in 2006 is unrelated to any injury he suffers.

 

The bottom line here is that McMichael's deal is, given his circumstances, a good deal for both sides.  The Fins have flexibility and security, and McMichael ends up getting paid fairly despite the various issues that necessarily would have made any team leery about giving him big money.  

 

BUS BENCHED MONDAY NIGHT?

 

There's talk in league circles that, with four tailbacks healthy for Monday night's game at San Diego, the Steelers might make Jerome Bettis a healthy scratch.

 

Conventional wisdom has been that, with Willie Parker emerging as the go-to guy and Verron Haynes capably handling the third-down duties, the Steelers will sit Duce Staley, who almost surely will be released before the 2006 season, when his base salary is due to skyrocket from $665,000 to $2.5 million. 

 

But there's also a school of thought that the Steelers would like to have the Bus ready for the playoff run.  

 

Another factor to consider here is the potential locker room fallout.  Duce, in our estimation, is more likely to grumble if he's put on ice.  Bettis, on the other hand, surely will understand the team's reasons for letting him stay out of the fray.  Given that Bettis specifically didn't want to carry the load this year for the team, our guess is that he'll be more than happy to save himself as much as possible for his final run at a Lombardi.   

 

Bettis suffered a calf injury on August 26 and missed each of the team's first three regular season games.  Staley underwent knee surgery early in training camp and dressed for the September 25 game against the Patriots, but had no carries.

 

FRIDAY AFTERNOON ONE-LINERS

 

The clock might be ticking on a 90-day window that would allow Saints owner Tom "Montgomery" Benson to move the team out of New Orleans.

 

["I actually feel guilty about this.  No, wait.  That's my sports hernia."]

 

Bengals WR T.J. Houshmandzadeh (break out the hummus -- that was the first time we ever managed to spell his name without having to re-check it seven times) missed practice on Thursday with a hand injury and remains questionable for Sunday night in Jacksonville. 

 

The mood is improving for the 1-3 Vikings (which means that folks in the organization who were ready to leap from a 10th story window have moved down to the 8th floor).

 

FOX's Howie Long believes that Panthers DE Julius Peppers is thinking too much (but this theory presumes that Julius is capable of thinking at all).

 

Q:  How can Vikings QB Daunte Culpepper avoid throwing interceptions in practice?  A:  By not practicing.

 

From the "We Already Got Our New TV Deals -- What's The Rush?" file, it might be a while until an NFL team returns to L.A.

 

Why do we have a feeling that the Falcons are simply messing with the Pats?

 

Packers WR Terrence Murphy won't play again this year after suffering a neck injury Monday night.

 

The Jets will get back some of the money paid to QB Chad Pennington, thanks to a disability policy that the team purchased.

 

The Lions want WR Charles Nelson Rogers to get the joint out of his mouth and the stick out of his ass.

 

Robert Gaddy and Lamar Woodson have filed a counterclaim against Titans CB Pacman Jones resulting from a July incident that resulted in Pacman's visit to the hoosegow.

 

Pacman is bothered by the fact that the Titans fans perceive him as a turd.

 

Super Bowl XLIV will be played in Miami.

 

Steelers WR Hines Ward aggravated a hamstring injury in practice on Wednesday, and did not practice on Thursday.

 

Redskins defensive coordinator Gregg Williams says it's possible that LB LaVar Arrington will see more playing time on Sunday in Denver (it's also possible that Arrington will be the crowned the next King of Uruguay).

 

POSTED 9:00 a.m. EDT, October 7, 2005

 

McCARDELL RULING CALLED "MONUMENTAL"

 

The league has been buzzing ever since an arbitrator ruled earlier this week that receiver Keenan McCardell's refusal to provide services to the Bucs last year in breach of his contract requires the wideout to pay $1.5 million in signing and roster bonus money to his former team.

 

Although prior arbitrations had resulted in findings that repayment was required in the case of retirement (Barry Sanders), temporary retirement (Ricky Williams), and suspensions, there had not been a clear and definitive ruling that teams can indeed pursue and recover payments previously made when a guy under contract  "holds out" of practice or games in order to get a renegotiation.

 

"This is a monumental victory for the NFL and its member clubs," said one league insider.

 

As a result, it was wise in hindsight for guys like Terrell Owens and Javon Walker to not make good on offseason threats to hold out, since they both would have been faced with similar claims if they hadn't shown up for training camp.  So while some folks think that the Javon Walker ACL tear will give ammunition to guys considering a holdout in the future, the McCardell ruling should prevent them from following through on it, once they realize that although a serious injury is a possibility, a repayment obligation is a certainty.

 

And since we are firm believers that players not only should honor their contracts but also should refrain from threatening not to do so, we think that the NFL teams should explore adding clauses to contracts requiring repayment of a bonus if either the player or his agent attempts to use the threat of a holdout as leverage for a new deal. 

 

If, after all, the Bengals' "Loyalty Clause" is a valid and enforceable contract term, we think that teams and players should have the right to place into their deals language requiring the player to repay bonus money if he or his agent say that there will or might be a withholding of services at any time during the life of the deal.

 

POSTED 9:14 a.m. EDT, October 6, 2005

 

CARDS CLAMOR FOR "CADE"

 

Word out of Arizona is that there's a groundswell of support within the locker room for coach Denny Green to keep the ball in the hands of quarterback Josh a/k/a Cade McCown, after his stellar (i.e., we actually won a game) performance against the 49ers.

 

The thinking is that the gap between starter Kurt Warner and McCown isn't great enough to justify sticking with the two-time former MVP, whose performance gradually has declined over the past several years.

 

Warner missed Sunday night's game with a groin injury, and he is expected to sit for a few more.  Though conventional wisdom is that quarterbacks shouldn't lose their jobs due to injury, Cards coach Denny Green hardly is conventional when it comes to his quarterbacks.  Green, after all, went through a string of starters during his tenure in Minnesota, and Brad Johnson lost his gig to a recycled Randall Cunningham in 1998 after Brad broke a bone in his leg.

 

The other factor at work here is that Warner came in under a one-year, $4 million deal.  McCown, on the other hand, is in his third year with the team, and is a much better position to provide continuity as the team tries to develop a young corps of high-potential receivers.

 

Still, there are plenty of folks around the league who think that McCown ain't much better than McNown, and that he'll never become a solid starter in the NFL.  For now, though, the guys in the locker room think he's the best option they have.

 

RIVERS RUMORS REVIVED

 

Our friends at PewterReport.com have tipped us off to renewed rumors of a possible trade of quarterback Philip Rivers out of San Diego.  Current rumors have Rivers being shipped to Tampa for a package that could include one or more of the following:  draft pick(s), an unnamed defensive starter, and/or backup quarterback Chris Simms.

 

The problem, however, is that the Chargers would take a huge cap hit by trading Rivers, with most of his $14.5 million signing bonus (which included a $6.625 million option bonus paid in March 2006) hitting the books right now.  And since the Chargers had only $3.1 million in cap room as of September 1, there's no way they could take the acceleration and absorb the salary of a guy like Simeon Rice without cutting other players.

 

Besides, the Chargers know that they need to keep a solid No. 2 around, in the event that someone hits starter Drew Brees so hard that that land mass on his face explodes.  Even if Brees' performance over the past two weeks against the Giants and the Pats has been solid enough to secure the job for him on a long-term basis, the Chargers need to have Rivers around if they hope to take it to the next level this year.  Sure, getting Chris Simms in trade would help to soften the blow, but Simms doesn't know squat about the San Diego system, so he'd be useless this year if Brees gets busted up.

 

Hey, it's always fun to talk about this kind of stuff, but there's just no way the Chargers send Rivers out of town during the 2006 season -- unless they're also prepared to dump several a few other guys who otherwise would help the team get back to the postseason.

 

THE POWER OF OUR READERS

 

We know that our "Email Us" link discourages folks from contacting us, but we're not really serious about that.  Over the last four years, we've gotten plenty of good tips and insights from readers who have picked up on things that we otherwise had missed.

 

For example, a reader told us on Monday that Broncos quarterback Jake Plummer didn't wear the supposedly mandatory "Futbol Americano" decal.  We reviewed video of the game and confirmed that, indeed, Plummer didn't have the decal on his helmet.  We asked the NFL whether Plummer would be fined for an obvious uniform violation, and the league told us that, basically, he'll get a pass.

 

Eventually, the Denver media picked up on the story.  But we have a very strong feeling that if the reader hadn't clued us in to the story, no one ever would have known about it.

 

So keep the messages coming.  Good, bad, ugly, profane, whatever.  We're happy to sift through the crap in the hopes of finding a periodic pearl.

 

SAMIR STILL EMPLOYED

 

Folks around the league are amazed that the Rams have not fired front-office exec Samir Sulemain.

 

Sulemain, the team's director of football administration, called Bernie Miklasz of The St. Louis Post-Dispatch in late August and left an arguably threatening/indisputably idiotic voice message in which he referred to himself as a "throat slasher."

 

On September 11, team president John Shaw publicly expressed surprise regarding Sulemain's stupid-ass move, and said that Sulemain would be disciplined.

 

Nearly a month later, Sulemain is still gainfully employed.  Sure, he reportedly was suspended for a week and prohibited from traveling with the team to its road game at Arizona, but he still has a job with the organization.

 

Some league insiders are blown away by this fact.

 

"It will never be a healthy organization with him there," one league source told us.  "There will always be someone there who doesn't trust him."

 

Business, after all, is business.  "If my brother did this," the source said, "I'd still fire him.  It's like the mafia.  'I love you, but you gotta go.'  Just like [Michael] Corleone in The Godfather."

 

The deeper problem is that the Rams front office currently is divided into three factions -- the Mike Martz group, the Charley Armey group, and the Jay Zygmunt group.  At any given time, two of the three cliques are ganging up on the other.

 

And since Sulemain is Zygmunt's right-hand man, Martz should be the most disturbed about Samir getting a pass -- especially since the call in question was sparked by a Miklasz column in which he said that front office employees should stop stabbing Martz in the back.

 

But as we now know Martz has been distracted over the past few weeks with a health problem that's a helluvalot more serious than a sinus infection.  Once Martz gets himself right, our guess is that one of his first orders of business will be to insist on Samir's termination.

 

THURSDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

Vikings DE Kenechi Udeze is done for the season.

 

Holy crap, QB Tom Brady actually has a pulse; he said this in response to comments from Chargers coach Marty Schottenheimer regarding the Pats' injury situation:  "You don't talk about our team.  He has no business talking about our team," Brady said.  "He's not our coach.  We'll let our coach talk about our team."

 

Bucs WR Michael Clayton has been playing with a dislocated shoulder.

 

The Lions have signed LS Joe Maese.

 

The A-Train wants out of Big D.

 

Though listed as probable due to a knee sprain, Falcons QB Michael Vick missed practice on Wednesday and his status for Sunday is still a bit up in the air.

 

Redskins LB LaVar Arrington had an extended conversation with coach Joe Gibbs after practice on Wednesday.

 

The Jags won't be back in black against the Bengals on Sunday night.

 

Former Packers CB Mike McKenzie says that he wanted out of Green Bay for reasons other than his contract.

 

Seattle receivers Darrell Jackson and Bobby Engram are expected to miss Sunday's game against the Rams.

 

Pats DE Richard Seymour got hurt while playing fullback on Sunday against the Bolts.

 

Titans rookie CB Pacman Jones can't understand why he's being booed by the home fans (which goes a long way toward helping the rest of the world understand why it's happening).

 

Bears QB Kyle Orton 'splains away his presence in photos with a bottle of whiskey as "having some fun" (yeah, so was Leonard Little).

 

POSTED 7:23 p.m. EDT; LAST UPDATED 8:47 p.m. EDT, October 5, 2005

 

ARRINGTON DONE IN D.C.

 

He's still on the roster, and he likely will be for the remainder of the season.  But it's becoming more and more clear that linebacker LaVar Arrington's tenure with the Redskins will end after the 2005 season.

 

The root cause of the rift, we hear, is that Arrington doesn't get along with defensive coordinator Gregg Williams, who joined the 'Skins in 2004 after serving as head coach of the Bills for three seasons.

 

And the root of Arrington's fractured relationship with Williams, we're told, is that Arrington cannot properly assimilate into Williams' highly structured defensive system.  Arrington no longer can freelance, and thus he no longer is effective.

 

Another reality at work in this case is that Arrington has a knee with little or no cartilage in it.  He'll need something/anything to help avoid constant bone-on-bone grinding, and if he actually were playing it's likely that the pain and swelling from the friction in his knee would ultimately keep him out of action periodically while the thing heals up.

 

So with no future in D.C., the question becomes whether he'll land somewhere else.  The Broncos and the Bucs are typically interested in sniffing around players with big names, but anyone interested in Arrington surely will take a long look at his knee.

 

Even if another team is interested, Arrington's agents royally screwed the pooch by making his $6.5 million roster bonus come due in July 2006.  Listen up, agent types -- if your guy is getting a big-money roster bonus in any year of his contract, make the thing come due as early as possible in the league year.  This will force the team to cut him early, allowing the player to hit the free agent market early, when some teams inevitably will overpay.

 

And the Postons had not one but two shots to alter the trigger for the roster bonus.  Though they missed it when the deal was negotiated in December 2003, they could have adjusted the date of the roster bonus in connection with the "settlement" of Arrington's grievance regarding the alleged existence of a separate 2006 roster bonus in the amount of $6.5 million.

 

Arrington will, in the end, see neither of those payments, and the Redskins will be able to carry him on the roster deep into the 2006 offseason, making it even harder for him to get paid handsomely elsewhere.

 

Given the acrimony between Arrington and the organization over the past couple of years, our guess is that the team will take full advantage of its opportunity to stick it back to the guy who never was shy about sticking it to the team.

 

MULARKEY NEEDS TO MOVE FAST ON HOLCOMB

 

With Bills coach Mike Mularkey suddenly making like Sgt. Schulz regarding his plans for the quarterback position on Sunday, the talk around the league is that, if he's going to bench quarterback J.P. Lostman in favor of veteran Kelly Holcomb, Mularkey needs to do it now.

 

Why?  Because once the team is out of contention for the postseason, the only smart move is to put Losman back in and allow him to develop.

 

It makes sense for Mularkey to make the move this week.  With the 1-3 Bills hosting the 2-1 Dolphins, a loss would put Buffalo at 1-4, 2.5 games behind Miami for the division lead and likely only two losses from falling out of contention for a wild card berth.

 

On the other side of the ball, word around the league is that the Bills sorely miss defensive tackle Pat Williams, who left for Minnesota after the 2004 season.  Look for the Bills to explore seriously the possibility of making a deal for a defensive tackle before the coming October 18 trade deadline.

 

With the Packers falling off of the map in the NFC North, Grady Jackson could be a possibility for Buffalo.  Jackson's contract expires after the 2005 season, and it's highly unlikely that he'll return to Green Bay next season.

 

MARTZ HAS SERIOUS HEALTH CONDITION

 

What initially was believed to be a mere sinus infection for Rams coach Mike Martz is in fact a condition known as endocarditis, a bacterial infection of the heart that could lead to death.

 

The bacteria in question are commonly found in the mouth.  When those bacteria enter the bloodstream (such as during a dental procedure), they can become affixed to the edges of a heart defect or on the surface of an abnormal valve.  The infection, if untreated, can cause serious damage to the heart valve.

 

According to Adam Schefter of The NFL Network, Martz has been fighting the illness for several weeks, and at times he has been unable to speak because of it.

 

It is a very serious condition.  We believe, then, that Martz should shut it down until he gets a clean bill of health.  His life, after all, is far more important that a job he'll likely lose after this season, anyway.

 

WEDNESDAY NIGHT ONE-LINERS

 

As expected, Lions WR Charles Nelson Rogers has been suspended for four games for violating the league's substance abuse policy.

 

Vinny Testaverde will start at quarterback for the Jets on Sunday.

 

Falcons QB Michael Vick (knee) is listed as probable for Sunday.

 

Both S Brian Dawkins and LB Jeremiah Trotter missed practice on Wednesday and are listed as questionable.

 

Eagles K David Akers has a torn hamstring.

 

Bills DT Ron Edwards (shoulder) won't play this weekend.

 

Bills WR Roscoe Parrish (wrist) participated in practice on Wednesday without a cast.

 

Ten Pats are questionable for Sunday.

 

The Jets have signed DB Jeremy LeSueuer and waived CB Darrien Johnson.

 

Ravens TE Todd Heap (ankle/illness) is listed as probable.

 

Bengals WR T.J. Housmandzadeh is questionable with a hand injury.

 

All 53 Browns participated in practice on Wednesday.

 

Colts WR Brandon Stokley was on the field for only three plays on Sunday against the Titans.

 

Giants WR Plaxico Burress is the NFC offensive player of the week.

 

Bears rookie WR Mark Bradley enters the staring lineup across from Muhsin Muhammad.

 

The Pack promoted WR Jamal Jones to the practice squad.

 

Saints CB Mike McKenzie likely will be greeted as a sinner when he returns to Lambeau on Sunday.

 

There's a pretty funny cartoon at Buccaneers.com this week (we never realized how much a certain Jets quarterback looks like Fred Flinstaverde).

 

Bucs RB Cadillac Williams is questionable for Sunday with a hamstring injury and a lingering foot strain.

 

With Tom Rouen taking over for Leo Araguz, the Seahawks are likely kicking themselves for cutting P Chris Kluwe.

 

POSTED 7:22 a.m. EDT; UPDATED 8:53 a.m. EDT, October 5, 2005

 

ZYGI SAYS TICE WILL STAY PUT

 

Sean Jensen of The St. Paul Pioneer Press reports that Vikings owner Zygi Wilf has no plans to fire coach Mike Tice this year.

 

"He's with me this whole season," Wilf said.  "We're concentrating on giving him the manpower and coaching advice to make the team better."

 

Wilf said that the team will be hiring Foge Fazio and Jerry Rhome as consultants.  Fazio was the team's defensive coordinator during its 1998 season that featured a 15-1 record, and Rhome is a respected veteran offensive coach.

 

"These are two close friends that I trust," Tice said.  "I called them and asked them as a friend to help out and they accepted."

 

Making a not-so-subtle slap at former owner Red McCombs notorious parsimoniousness, Wilf says that he'll infuse the cash necessary to help the team improve.

 

"There's going to be more constructive improvement going forward than there was in the previous ownership," Wilf said.  "We think we can do more.  We hope that can translate to a better team.

 

"I'll pay for it.  If [Tice] wants it, I'll pay for it."

 

Jensen also reports that center Matt Birk takes issue with leaks from three unnamed players regarding Tice's Monday statements to the team.

 

"First of all, that meeting was supposed to be confidential," Birk said. "That [ticks] me off.  The last thing said in the meeting was, 'Let's keep this between us.'

 

"At no time did Mike Tice say he was quitting. The whole point of the meeting was he was not quitting.  And by having that meeting, it was for the benefit of the team, to try and figure out how we can turn this thing around."

 

Birk said that the three players who criticized Tice anonymously are merely "unhappy with their personal situations" on the team. 

 

Wilf's willingness to stick with Tice surely is influenced by the fact that the team is merely a half-game out of first place despite its dismal 1-3 record.

 

And since teams that shoot out of the gates with great records often are criticized about the quality of their opponents, it's only fair to consider that the Vikings' three losses came to teams that have a combined record of 11 wins and one defeat.  Minny's schedule gets considerably softer after its bye week, featuring six of twelve games against its NFC North neighbors.

 

So the right tweaks could turn the thing around just enough to allow the Vikings to capture a weak-to-the-point-of-pathetic, earning for themselves the right to get blown out in Atlanta or Philly in the divisional round of the playoffs (assuming that they find a way to win their wild card round game at home). 

 

LIONS GOT JOBBED

 

We haven't said anything about that last-second zebra-giveth, zebra-taketh-away in Tampa on Sunday (even though the boys at FootballForecaster.com slap the nuts of Underwear Supermodel Lenny after he stated that the call of the replay official was "excellent judgement") because we hadn't made up our minds about whether the decision to wipe Detroit's decisive six-pointer off of the board was consistent with the letter and spirit of the replay procedures.

 

And the fact that we couldn't make up our minds ultimately prompted us to believe that there wasn't sufficient visual evidence to overturn the call on the field -- regardless of whether the call on the field was that Marcus Pollard made the catch, or that he didn't make it.

 

The rule, after all, requires indisputable visual evidence to overturn the live-action decision made by the official.  Indisputable.  As in there can be no dispute.  As in there should be no need or desire to spin the thing back and watch it once more -- after seeing it seven times. 

 

Replay isn't supposed to be an opportunity for the guy in the white hat to make the call with the benefit of slow-mo and a rewind button.  Instead, the ref is supposed to stick his head under the hood and decide whether his colleague was clearly wrong.

 

In this specific case, there simply wasn't enough evidence to show that the decision was clearly wrong -- regardless of what the decision was.

 

The incident also makes us wonder whether home field advantage has any influence on the human being who is positioned within shouting distance of the home crowd when he's trying to determine whether the call on the field will be upheld or overturned, especially when the game hinges on the decision. 

 

Calling the play a touchdown would have taken a win from the Bucs and angered a throng of folks who had been baking in the sun in a Coors Light marinade.  Under such circumstances, "getting it right" might have taken a back seat to "getting out of here alive."

 

SOME PLAYERS SAY NFL "WHORING ITSELF"

 

As we continue to post items regarding that ridiculous "Futbol Americano" decal that players were required to wear over the weekend, we continue to hear from more and more league insiders that players around the league were troubled by the whole episode.

 

"I know a number of guys were annoyed," said one high-level league insider.  "They feel the NFL is absolutely whoring itself."

 

The source has heard comments such as:  "'Everyone is making a lot of money -- when does it stop?  Now we're going to have teams travel to other countries during the season.  Are they crazy?'"

 

Little did anyone know, of course, that wearing the decal was actually optional, given that Broncos quarterback Jake Plummer wasn't fined for not allowing it to be placed on his helmet.

 

We're still having trouble understanding the league's reasoning here, and we hope that any players who are fined for wearing things they shouldn't or not wearing things they should will point to the free pass given to Plummer as justification for taking a periodic liberty.

 

WEDNESDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

Vikings WR Koren Robinson explains his poor performance returning punts on Sunday as follows:  "[I]f you ain't done stuff like that in a while, stuff like that happens."  (Nice decision, Meathead, to put him back there.)

 

Speaking of turdish former first-round receivers, there's growing talk around the league of former No. 2 overall pick Charles Nelson Rogers being a bust of Ryan Leaf proportions.

 

Dolphins RB Ricky Williams will be fined four games' pay on top of his four-game suspension, leaving him with only $285,000 in salary for the 2005 season (at that rate, it'll take about 30 years to work off his debt).

 

The Fins could be $25 million under the cap for 2006.

 

From the "Yet Another Reason Why We Think The Postons Don't Know What They're Doing" file, the $6.5 million roster bonus owed by the 'Skins to LB LaVar Arrington comes due on July 15, 2006 -- they should have pushed for an early March trigger to ensure that he'd either get the money or hit the market in time to pocket some of the money that flows in the first week of free agency.

 

T.O. blames the media for misconstruing some of his inflammatory offseason comments (so like when he called Donovan McNabb a "hypocrite," Owens was really saying that McNabb knows that a "hippo" is a "critter"?).

 

A hearing was held on Tuesday regarding the grievance filed by QB Quincy Carter against the Cowboys, who cut him in August 2004 after his troubles with substance abuse were revealed.

 

Steelers WR Hines Ward acknowledges that he's better with Plaxico Burress out of town; Ward says he'll play against the Chargers despite being questionable with a knee injury.

 

With Steelers RB Jerome Bettis and RB Duce Staley both finally healthy, coach Bill Cowher likely will have to deactivate one of them on Monday night.

 

Steelers LB Joey Porter (knee) is questionable for Monday night.

 

Though many thought that he'd have a huge season, Lions RB Kevin Jones is averaging less than 50 yards per game.

 

Texans WR Jabar Gaffney is getting more opportunities.

 

Giants defensive coordinator Tim Lewis is kidding (we think) when expressing optimism regarding his unit's performance:  "I don't know of any problems per se," Lewis said. "Other than the pass rush and coverage."

 

Rams OL Blaine Saipaia is moving to tight end.

 

The Pats hit the road for back-to-back games against cut-blocking teams.

 

Titans CB Pacman Jones was hit with a tab of more than $14,000 when he took the defense out to dinner after signing his contract; LB Keith Bulluck still has a $325 bottle of wine from the evening stashed in his locker.

 

The Ravens refuse to blame a rash of toe injuries on their home turf.

 

The Pats haven't re-assigned the locker used by WR Andre' Davis, which might mean that he will be back; the Packers, however, might beat them to the punch.

 

When an established turd thinks that you're "cool", does that make you a turd, too?

 

The Packers are adding injury to ineffectiveness.

 

Bears K Doug Brien is facing some fresh competition.

 

Cards K Neil Rackers might be booting his way to a new deal.

 

Raiders DT Warren Sapp is getting his groove back.

 

POSTED 7:43 p.m. EDT; UPDATED 9:13 p.m. EDT, October 5, 2005

 

NOLAN TO BENCH RATTAY

 

When he named Tim Rattay the team's starting quarterback prior to the season, 49ers coach Mike Nolan said that he hoped Rattay would hold the job for the whole year, since that would be a sign that the team has played well.

 

He didn't, and it isn't.

 

After only four weeks, Rattay is getting the hook and No. 1 overall draft pick Alex Smith is getting the ball.

 

According to Jay Glazer of FOXSports.com, Nolan has informed the 49ers' quarterbacks that Smith has climbed the depth chart.

 

Smith originally was penciled in as the starter, but his struggles in the preseason opened the door for Rattay.  But under Rattay the offense has been pathetic, and Smith could give the team a shot in the arm -- especially since at 1-3 the Niners are only a game out of first place in the anemic NFC West.

 

TUESDAY NIGHT ONE-LINERS

 

Broncos coach Mike Shanahan told the Jax media that he's not aware of Internet sites that refer to him as "Coach Teflon":  "That's the first time I've heard that.  I've been called so many things, Teflon is just one I haven't read."

 

The Eagles re-signed WR Darnerien McCants after placing DT Paul Grasmanis on IR.

 

The 'Hawks have re-signed WR Jerheme Urban.

 

Good news for Bengals DE Duane Clemons:  His suspension is over; bad news:  The team might not have a spot for him.

 

The Chiefs seem to be lukewarm at best to the notion of re-signing WR Freddie Mitchell.

 

The Chiefs have cut C Johnathan Ingram.

 

The Packers have parted ways with TE Ben Steele.

 

POSTED 5:03 p.m. EDT, October 4, 2005

 

NFL WON'T FINE PLUMMER

 

Profootballtalk.com has learned that Broncos quarterback Jake Plummer will not be fined by the NFL for failing to wear the "Futbol Americano" decal on his helmet this weekend.

 

We reported on Sunday morning that many players were not happy with the requirement that they don the decal, especially since the NFL has in the past curtailed efforts to memorialize former players who have died.

 

Case in point -- the NFL smacked Plummer with a fine for wearing a decal honoring the late Pat Tillman, who was a teammate of Plummer's at Arizona State and with the Cardinals.  The league then threatened to fine Plummer a whopping $30,000 if he wore the decal again.  

 

Greg Aiello, the NFL's Vice President of Public Relations, advised us of the league's stance on the matter.  

 

But the decision doesn't mesh with the league's policy on fines for uniform irregularities, which imposes a $5,000 charge for a first violation.  The decision also doesn't make sense to us in light of the league's reputation for making like Rain Man at Wapner time when it comes to player attire.  

 

Our guess is that the powers-that-be decided against smacking Jake this time around because the imposition of a fine would have resulted in an Associated Press story regarding the fact that Plummer had given the league office the figurative middle finger in connection with the NFL's efforts to embrace the Spanish-speaking population.  

 

It's far better, in other words, for the Mexicans not to know that Jake gave them an el disso, and the Mexicans won't know about it if the story dies a quiet death.  

 

Of course, we don't think that this means Jake will get a pass.  If/when Jake runs afoul of the rules in another way (by, for example, shooting the literal middle finger -- again -- at a fan or two), we think that the league office will treat him like a pinata in a room full of fat boys with Billy clubs.   

 

POSTED 2:25 p.m. EDT, October 4, 2005

 

McCARDELL OWES BUCS $1.5 McMILLION

 

An arbitrator has ruled that former Tampa receiver Keenan McCardell must repay the Buccaneers $1.5 million in signing and roster bonuses for the 2004 holdout that preceded a trade to the Chargers.

 

McCardell also lost $700,000 in salary for regular season games that he missed prior to the deal that shipped him to San Diego.

 

The Bucs will pick up $1 million in extra cap room in 2006 because of the ruling.

 

The message to all players as a result of this ruling is that their contracts must be honored, especially where payments are tied directly to performance.  Whether it's Ricky Williams retiring prematurely or McCardell withholding services in order to get a better deal or Travis Henry getting suspended for violation of the substance abuse policy, teams now know how to write contracts in a way that will to protect them against such developments by allowing the organization to go after money that already has been paid.

 

And before Michael Irvin assumes that Javon Walker or any other player caved on a threatened holdout because a teammate called him out publicly, the Playmaker/Dopetaker/Housebreaker needs to aks how much the guy would have had to fork over to the team if he had followed through on his threat to stay away.

 

For Keenan, his unwillingness to honor his contract cost him, in the end, $2.2 million.  He's far too proud to admit that he was wrong, but he doesn't need to.  It's clear that he screwed up, and we hope that others will learn from McCardell's multi-million-dollar mistake.    

 

POSTED 8:15 a.m. EDT; UPDATED 9:01 a.m. EDT, October 4, 2005

 

MEATHEAD NEARLY RESIGNED

 

Sean Jensen of The St. Paul Pioneer Press reports that Vikings coach Mike Tice contemplated quitting in the wake of the team's bumbling 30-10 loss to the Falcons, in which the Vikings were not competitive even after knocking Atlanta quarterback Mike Vick out of the game with a sprained knee.

 

Three unnamed players told Jensen that Tice told them he was thinking about packing it in, causing one starter to conclude, "I lost all respect for him."

 

By Monday, however, Tice was recommitted.  He met with the team and told them of a lesson he'd learned from his late father, who urged him never to quit.

 

But the damage might already be done.  There's no reason for us to believe that Tice can will this team to de-turdify, and the current talk that offensive coordinator Steve Loney will move back from the booth to the sidelines and that running backs coach Dean Dalton will move up to the booth reeks of misguided desperation and a complete lack of confidence.

 

It's time, in our view, for owner Zygi Wilf to step in and end this madness.  Bring back Bud Grant or Jerry Burns or Les Steckel.  Because it appears that the presence of Randy Moss (scroll down for more) helped to conceal flaws not only in the offense, but also in the coaching staff.

 

PLUMMER PULLS A KRAMER

 

It started with a tip from multiple readers, and we confirmed it via the Sunday Ticket "Short Cuts" service, which replays every game in a 30-minute plays-only package.

 

Broncos quarterback Jake Plummer did not wear the dreadful "Futbol Americano" decal on Sunday.

 

Uh-oh, Jake.  A year ago, Plummer flirted with a $30,000 fine by wearing a helmet decal honoring the late Pat Tillman.  Surely, Plummer's decision not to don the green decal is related to the NFL's stance on honoring guys like Tillman.

 

So like Cosmo Kramer, who refused to wear an AIDS ribbon during an AIDS walk, Plummer is sticking it to the man.  And we applaud him for it.

 

The story, we suspect, isn't over.  The league office likely will be taking a stand on this one.  If it doesn't, other players might be emboldened to not wear the ribbon in the future.

 

Look for a fine or some other form of public knuckle-rapping for Mr. Plummer.  Or maybe he'll just get a visit from the effeminate Puerto Rican who thoroughly intimidated Kramer.

 

["I don't think jou wanna get hurt.

Because if jou wanna get hurt, I can hurt you."]

 

TUESDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

Mooch is still miffed at the zebras for taking away his win.

 

Is Ravens RB Jamal Lewis tanking it?

 

The Packers are 0-4 for the fourth time in franchise history.

 

Falcons QB Mike Vick is expected to start against the Pats.

 

Redskins LB LaVar Arrington seems to be accepting the fact that it's over for him in D.C.

 

Vikings QB Daunte Culpepper blames his crappy performance on a sprained knee; "There's swelling, and it's painful, but I'm a warrior," Culpepper said.  (Hey, Daunte, a true warrior actually plays well when injured.) 

 

Pats P Josh Miller had this to say about Sunday's loss to the Chargers:  "What they were saying about us after the game was being respectful, but hey, they just kicked our asses."  (Hey, Josh -- you're a punter.  When we want your opinion, we'll ask for it.  And then we'll ignore it.)

 

The injury to the hamstring of Eagles K David Akers is worse than thought (way to let him kick while hurt, Andy).

 

The Big Show has a flimsy explanation for not throwing the ball near the end of regulation.

 

Though the Broncos initially intended to bring back RB Quentin Griffin quickly, the performance of Tatum Bell might keep Q unemployed for a while.

 

With the Niners at 1-3, the Alex Smith era could be starting soon.

 

Chargers OL Toniu Fonoti will miss at least three more weeks.

 

The Bucs could be parking their Cadillac this weekend.

 

The Bus is ready to roll -- the problem is that the team now has a 'Vette.

 

The Rams might be thinking about moving S Mike Furrey back to receiver.

 

Chiefs tight ends coach Jason Verduzco tried to pull a Randy Moss on Sunday -- and then got maced.

 

POSTED 7:31 a.m. EDT, October 4, 2005

 

PFT TEN-PACK:  WEEK QUATTRO

 

Hola, futbol fans.  With the NFL looking to export its product to other cultures and the Frenchies more interested in playing balls-ball (yeah, we've been watching The Longest Yard all week), the powers-that-be have made a bee-line for the Spanish-speaking mundo.

 

But tread lightly, Tags.  NFL fans generally are a territorial bunch of red-staters, and many of them ain't interested in sharing their favorite sports with folks who prefer to se habla Espanol on Main Street USA.  The whole "Futbol Americano" helmet decal thing was more than a bit gratuitous, and we've got a theory about it, which appears below as one of our ten observations from the week that was.

 

First, the five football-related takes:

 

1.  It's Complacency, Not Injuries.

 

Most football pundits believe that the Pats got the hair-dryer-in-the-bathtub treatment from the Bolts on Sunday because injuries finally have caught  with the two-time defending champs.  While the loss of safety Rodney Harrison certainly hurts, we think that the real problem with the Pats is good, old-fashioned, American-style complacency.

 

The NFL season is a tremendous grind, especially when playing games that count into February.  Guys have barely two months off to rest up before starting all over again with the offseason program and training camp and the preseason and the regular season and the postseason.

 

The Pats have now stretched the rubber band as far as it can be stretched for three of the past four seasons.  At a certain point, it's hard to care about doing all of the many things that needs to be done when the only reward is the same prize that plenty of the guys on the team have enjoyed on multiple occasions.

 

In past seasons, the addition of established veterans who had yet to ever hoist the Lombardi helped the team keep its edge.  In 2003, it was safety Rodney Harrison of the then-long suffering Chargers.  In 2004, it was running back Corey Dillon of the then-long suffering Bengals. 

 

In 2005, the new guy with a chip on his shoulder was supposed to be receiver Derrick Mason of the currently suffering Titans.  But Mason took less -- less -- money from the Ravens to play for an inferior quarterback in a mediocre offense. 

 

To be successful, NFL teams need raw, unrelenting hunger.  It was obvious on Sunday that the Chargers simply wanted it more.

 

We're not saying that the Pats can't turn the light back on, or that the Chargers suddenly have figured out how to run the table.  Our point is that the Patriots desperately need to recapture their strong sense that failure is simply unacceptable -- before they get too used to failing.

 

2.  The Vikings Traded The Wrong Guy.

 

We're now convinced that the Minnesota Vikings should have kept receiver Randy Moss. 

 

And that they should have traded quarterback Daunte Culpepper.

 

Just think of the pack of picks that Vikes could have pecked for 'Pepper.  Culpepper was coming off of one of the best quarterback seasons in NFL history, in which easily would have been the MVP but for Peyton Manning and his 49 touchdown passes.  Regarded (at the time) as a can't-miss leader poised to join the upper echelon of NFL quarterbacks, as many as a dozen teams would have been interested.

 

If the Vikes had made the move, they would have pulled off the true Reverse Herschel, snookering an unsuspecting owner who would have thunk that he'd landed a guy around whom a franchise can be built.

 

Of course, a discerning trade partner would have been leery of the fact that Culpepper might not quite be the same without Moss -- even though Daunte was stellar during Randy's temporary absence last season with a hamstring injury.  The deeper concern rightly would have been whether Culpepper would be the same guy without offensive coordinator Scott Linehan drawing up the X's and O's -- and without backup Gus Frerotte helping to keep Daunte focused and confident. 

 

Sure, Moss is, was, and always will be a pain in the butt.  But his ability to draw constant double coverage improves the overall performance of an offense, and the Meathead should have set aside his personal disdain for Moss to realize that, like the revolving door of tailbacks in Denver who have benefited from the presence of a stellar blocking scheme, the ability of guys like Brad Johnson and Randall Cunningham and Jeff George to play like Pro Bowlers with Moss in the offense had something to do with the presence of Moss on the field.

 

The fact that Culpepper quietly lobbied for more money prior to the season suggests that he perhaps also was quietly lobbying for the team to shed Moss. 

 

In hindsight, the Vikings screwed this one up royally.  They should've poop-canned 'Pep and retreated to Denny Green's system of fungible passers who can throw the deep ball.

 

Though it's too late to get good value for Daunte now, we suggest that the Meathead have him take a game or two off and give Brad Johnson a chance to finish what he started with the Vikings nearly a decade ago.  Johnson still have enough left in the tank to get it done, and we have a weird feeling that he'd be effective if given a chance.

 

3.  Vick Gone Wild.

 

Though we'll defer the discourse on college football to our sister site, yours truly got a chance to watch Ron Mexico's kid brother do his thang on Saturday, live and in person.  Though Marcus Vick lacks (for now) the same degree of dazzling agility and speed, he's already a better pocket passer than his more famous (for now) sibling.

 

Really, both of the Vicks were stellar this weekend.  Marcus was marvelous in Morgantown, and Michael was on his way to a game for the ages before suffering a sprained knee against the Vikings.

 

The real question for Marcus remains his maturity.  His off-field problems are well documented, and his decision to make like Kyle Orton with the West Virginia fans shows that Marcus needs to learn how to control his emotions.

 

But our guess is that, when he enters the draft, he'll be a very hot commodity, especially if he continues to play like he did on Saturday.

 

4.  This Week's Team Of Destiny.

 

Okay, one week ago we dubbed the Bengals the first official 2005 team of destiny.  After watching Cincy play footsy with an overmatched Texans team at home on Sunday -- and after watching the Colts dismember the Titans in a stadium where Tennessee used to never lose -- we're ready to shift the "destiny" tag to the boys from Indy.

 

The offense is coming around (a mild understatement), and the defense is playing like the '85 Bears (a mild overstatement). 

 

The schedule is very favorable over the next three weeks, and the Colts should be able to push their streak to 7-0.  The real tests will come between November 7 and December 18, when the Colts play the Pats, Bengals, Steelers, and Chargers in a 41-day span. 

 

They way they're playing now, we see the Colts winning three of those four games, finishing with home field advantage throughout the playoffs, and facing off against Mike Vick and the Falcons in Detroit.

 

5.  The Packers Won't Bench Favre.

 

We won't rule out the possibility of Green Bay quarterback Brett Favre packing it in prematurely this year, especially in light of recent reports that Favre almost did just that in 2003.  But anyone who thinks that the Packers would actually bench Favre simply isn't thinking.

 

Favre is a living legend in Green Bay.  Once the Packers are out of the postseason picture, there's no downside to allowing Brett to finish his career on the field.  Along the way, he'll get a crack at playing spoiler against the Falcons and the Eagles -- not to mention two December games against the Bears, who likely are the favorite by default to win the division.

 

And coach Mike Sherman has nothing to gain by sitting Favre in favor of rookie Aaron Rodgers.  Sherman likely is done after the year, if the Packers continue to stink it up.  Why should Sherman spend his last few games helping to get the guy ready who'll be running the offense after Sherman is gone?

 

Finally, the last thing the front office needs to do is risk pissing off the fan base.  Although the Packers have been a perennial contender since 1992, their run of success followed two-plus decades of general futility.  During the era of 4-12 seasons, it wasn't hard to sell out the stadium since only four games were played in Lambeau and four were played in Milwaukee.  A string of crappy seasons following the mishandling of Favre's final days could ultimately could dampen the enthusiasm of the Cheeseheads, that 30-plus year season-ticket waiting list notwithstanding.

 

Now for the five non-game takes:

 

1.    Frank Caliendo Was Hilarious.

 

We're not always rolling on the floor after watching one of Frank Caliendo's bits on the FOX pregame show, but his David Letterman routine with a Top Ten list regarding the pathetic NFC North was dead-on, extremely well done, and gut-bustingly funny. 

 

We laughed out loud on several occasions as Caliendo rattled off ten ways to improve the old NFC Central, culminating with a suggestion that Detroit be permitted to use real Lions.

 

It was the kind of irreverent, smart-assed stuff that we aspire to produce on a daily basis -- and that we actually manage to pull off roughly once a month.

 

2.  Jimmy Kimmel Wasn't.

 

It's time for ABC to drop the Jimmy Kimmel halftime segment, which has transmogrified in less than a month from an awkwardly stiff 60-second monologue regarding football to an awkwardly unfunny 60-second promotion for his ABC late-night talk show that has nothing to do with football.

 

A week ago, Kimmel rolled out a stoopid-to-the-point-of-embarrassing bit with sissy-boy singer Clay Aiken pretending to be quarterback Troy Aikman.

 

Yeah, Jimmy -- that sh-t is funny.  When you're five.

 

But at least the Aiken/Aikman thing was remotely linked to, you know, the sport. 

 

This time around, Jessica Alba shared her recipe for toast.

 

But don't worry, Jimmy.  We'll keep watching.  It's impossible to look away from a car wreck.

 

3.  The Commish Needs Some Charisma.

 

How about that interview with the Commish from Mexico City?  The male lead in Weekend at Bernie's had more personality.

 

Before the owners simply hand the reins to another automaton when Tagliabue packs it in, they need to think about the potential value of someone who, you know, has a pulse.

 

Don't get us wrong here.  Tagliabue has done great things for the game.  But he could have done those same great things as someone's No. 2.  For a sport that is obsessed with expanding its scope to all cultures and races, the face of the league shouldn't be the whitest man in America.

 

4.  Stu Scott Needs A New Catch Phrase.

 

Though we don't spend much time watching SportsCenter (since, you know, we hate every sport but football), we see enough of it on Monday mornings during the NFL season to be very troubled by Stuart Scott's insistence on using a tired old phrase.

 

Stu has his moments -- such as when he referred this week to Falcons quarterback Matt Schaub as Michael Vick with slightly less melanin.  But his insistence of using that ridiculously played "as cool as the other side of the pillow" line at least once in every single broadcast is beyond unbelievable.

 

Look, Stu, for every person in the world who has never heard you utter that line and who is genuinely impressed with you when they hear it come out of your mouth for the first time, there are 50 others that think you are an idiot for clinging to it like an old leisure suit that Joe Schmoe was wearing the time he made it through an entire evening at the bar without getting any drinks thrown in his face.

 

5.  Black Helicopter Alert.

 

A reader raised with us on Monday an excellent X-Files point regarding that butt-ugly green decal that was plastered to the backs of NFL helmets over the weekend.

 

The color choice was odd, to say the least.  Why a solid green background?It reminded the reader (and us) of the screen used by weather dudes and movie directors, so that other stuff can be superimposed over it.

 

Could, then, the "Futbol Americano" decal been a test run of sorts for a move by the NFL to project ads on the back sides of helmets during television broadcasts?

 

It would be, after all, another way for the networks to earn money, allowing FOX, CBS, ESPN, and NBC to dump even more money into the pockets of the NFL.  And since the ads wouldn't been seen by the folks attending the games or in any of the photos taken at the stadium, the move might not be so objectionable.

 

Look, it's only a matter of time before the NFL and the networks deface the field and/or the uniforms in an effort to make even more money.  And what better way to do it that to use a seemingly innocuous green spot on the back of the helmet as the palette for a vast and diverse rotation of products and services?

 

POSTED 8:00 p.m. EDT; UPDATED 8:59 p.m. EDT, October 3, 2005

 

TITANS BLEW IT ON TRAVIS

 

Last week, Titans coach Jeff Fisher said that the team didn't know that running back Travis Henry would be subject to a four-game suspension if he were to test positive again for a banned substance. 

 

Though we jumped on the Titans, and specifically G.M. Floyd Reese, for pulling the trigger on the trade with knowledge that Travis in the substance abuse program, we accepted at face value Fisher's representation that the Titans had no way of knowing whether Henry was facing a suspension.

 

We were wrong.

 

A league source tipped us off to the fact that teams can get more information when contemplating a trade.  We checked out the policy, and we confirmed that, indeed, the Titans were entitled to know whether Henry was on the brink of a suspension once they contacted the Bills and contemplated making a trade offer.

 

So either the Titans didn't ask the magic question, they're lying about the fact that they did, or they were told that Henry was facing a four-game sit but sent a third-rounder to Buffalo anyway.

 

The only other possible explanation is that Henry wasn't facing a suspension for his next positive test when he was traded to the Titans, and that he had multiple positives since joining Tennessee in July.

 

We doubt that Henry generated multiple positives in roughly two months, especially since he likely would have taken advantage of the appeals processes, which slow down the hatchet considerably. 

 

The suspension also calls into question whether Henry will be required to pay back any of the bonus money that Henry received when the Titans signed him to a contract extension.  Since they knew he was in the program, surely they protected themselves against, for example, paying him a lot of money up front and having him become unavailable to play in games.  (Our guess is that there's a 40 percent chance they didn't.)

 

We'll sum this one up with a quote from our July 20 story regarding Henry's new deal:

 

"'The guy is problems,' said an exec from a team other than the Titans, which is fast becoming an organization that by all appearances wouldn't be able to spot a turd if it were turning clockwise in the toilet bowl."

 

Floyd, we really think it's time for you to update that resume.

 

MONDAY NIGHT ONE-LINERS

 

Lions WR Charles Nelson Rogers will be suspended for four games.

 

Cardinals CB Antrel Rolle (knee) is out for the year.

 

Bills DT Ron Edwards could miss Sunday's game against the Fins with a shoulder injury.

 

Falcons QB Michael Vick has a sprained knee.

 

Jets coach Herm Edwards hasn't decided who'll play quarterback this week.

 

Ravens DE Anthony Weaver could miss four weeks with a dislocated toe.

 

Bengals G-C Larry Moore was placed on IR with a dislocated knee.

 

Despite missing Sunday's narrow win over the Texans, Bengals S Madieu Williams expects to play on Sunday.

 

Coach Mike Tice caused a mild stir when he showed up for his Monday press conference more than a half hour late (apparently he had locked his keys in the car . . . while he was still in it).

 

With the Jags O-line struggling, rookie OT Khalif Barnes might get his first start on Sunday.

 

POSTED 1:17 p.m. EDT, October 3, 2005

 

LEAGUE WANTS MORE FOREIGN GAME$

 

Though it might be a looong while before the Bears and the Packers are renewing their rivalry on the not-so-frozen tundra of Fallujah Field, the NFL plans to continue to play regular season games outside of the United States of America.

 

The league office wants two a year, which would require each team to give up a home game once every 16 years.

 

And the problem that the Commish will face on this one is persuading a team like, say, the Redskins to sacrifice a 90,000-plus sellout (including that D.C. luxury suite revenue) in exchange for playing a game in front of 45,203 Yellowskins at the Tokyo Dome.  (We mean no offense to our friends in Japan, but if "Redskins" isn't inherently offensive, then "Yellowskins" isn't offensive, either.)

 

Frankly, the only way the NFL becomes the IFL on a regular basis is that if it exports not the cream, but the crap.  The Cards drew 45,160 for their home opener and 103,467 in Mexico City.  Gee, wonder why the Bidwills didn't bitch about getting the shoulder tap from the Commish?

 

As long as the powers-that-be scan the schedule every year and target the game that is most likely to draw a very small crowd (i.e., Niners at Cardinals), persuading the owners in question to rake in a hell of a lot more money should be a relatively easy task.  But when you start talking about yanking games out of Dallas or Pittsburgh or Philly or Foxboro, then the Commish will have a major problem on his hands.

 

But the challenge with sending bad teams out of the country every year is that our neighbors to the North, South, East, and/or West eventually will figure out that those chocolate-covered cherries are actually turds.  So if the NFL is gonna do this thing, there needs to be a true rotation.

 

Any easy solution to the problem would be to give an extra preseason game at home in the year that a regular season home game goes overseas.  Then, the local fans still have ten chances to watch the home team play -- even if only seven of them actually mean anything.

 

The other possibility is that Tags is using the notion of forcing every team to host a game on foreign soil as leverage in connection with the ongoing debate regarding revenue sharing.  Perhaps dropping the idea of annual games in England or Canada or Uzbekistan will be enough, at the key moment, to get the Jerry Joneses and the Dan Snyders of the world to agree to part with some of their exorbitant local revenues.

 

In the end, as always, money will drive this bus.  And if there's plenty of money to be made by playing the games elsewhere -- and by getting kids all over the globe interested in buying their very own Ron Mexico jerseys -- the NFL will find a way to get everyone on the same page.

 

POSTED 9:10 a.m. EDT; UPDATED 10:03 a.m. EDT, October 3, 2005

 

MOSS TO PULL AN ORENTHAL?

 

Justice, they say, is blind.  But she ain't deaf, dumb, or mute.

 

As a result, folks who find themselves in legal predicaments typically benefit mightily from the assistance of top-shelf legal counsel.  

 

High-end legal talent, of course, costs money.  Lots of it.  And thus the folks who have the money usually are in the best position to procure the best possible legal representation.

 

Look no farther than the case of The People of California vs. Orenthal J. Simpson.  If the Juice didn't have the jack to keep Johnnie Cochran appropriately compensated, there'd be some big-ass dude in San Quentin reenacting every episode of Newlyweds with this Ms. Simpson.

 

Randy Moss, it seems, will be benefiting from the concept of cash justice, too.  According to Jay Glazer of FOXSports.com, Moss is poised to avoid being placed in Stage One of the NFL's substance abuse intervention program after hiring attorney David Cornell to ply the powers-that-be with some silver-tongued "he didn't do it"s.  The decision not to put Randy in Stage One, per Glazer, would be a reversal of the league's initial position on the matter.  

 

Cornwell, you might recall, helped Ricky Williams get back into the league after he "retired" in the face of a looming one-year banishment resulting from his past propensity to puff the magic dragon.

 

The bigger problem, as we see it, is that the placement of Moss in Stage One of the program is a question for guys who wear stethoscopes, not suits.  Under the league's Substance Abuse policy, entrance into Stage One of the program can be the result of conduct that exhibits physical, psychological, or behavioral signs of substance abuse.  In the case of Randy Moss, he admitted that he still smokes marijuana, an illegal substance, from time to time.  

 

Under the policy, the ultimate judgment as to whether the Moss admission constitutes physical, psychological, or behavioral signs of substance abuse should be made by the league's Medical Director.  Thus, no amount of negotiation by Cornwell or anyone else who isn't the Medical Director should matter.  Either the statement made by Moss places him in Stage One as a matter of medical judgment, or it doesn't.

 

And what's so bad about being in Stage One, if the guy isn't still using pot?  The process begins not with a barrage of random tests, but with an evaluation that results in a finding of whether the guy needs treatment and monitoring.  The mere fact that Moss would pay Cornwell big money per hour to help him avoid such an evaluation suggests to us that Moss is nervous about what might happen when doctors start asking questions.

 

Since, as we've been reminded by league office types in the past, the goal of the Substance Abuse Policy is intervention and not punishment, we can't imagine why the NFL would not allow the Medical Director to make a decision as to whether Moss needs an initial evaluation as part of Stage One.  Maybe the NFL recognizes the value of keeping its superstars on the field and is willing to exercise a little discretion toward this end -- even when its policies contemplate no play in the joints (pun intended).  

 

Or maybe the NFL is no different than most other organizations and corporations, which compile a set of rules and regulations for appearance's sake and then do whatever they want to do in any given situation regardless of whether they're following their own policies.

 

So Moss shouldn't get a pass on this one simply because David Cornwell knows how to push the buttons on Park Avenue.  And to all the members of Raider Nation who believe that the zebras are out to get your team, the folks wearing pinstripes just might be handing you a fruit basket on this one.  

 

Just don't let Randy smoke any of the leaves.

 

MONDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

Brooks . . . and done.

 

Vinny, on the other hand, is ready:  "I came back to help this team win football games.  I didn't come back to watch us come close.  I didn't come back to say, 'We'll get them next time.'  I came back to help them win . . . and we need to start doing that right away."

 

Rams TE Roland Williams is out for the season with a knee injury.

 

Chiefs TE Tony Gonzalez isn't feeling all that grrreat about Futbol Americano right now. 

 

We've got exclusive audio of Vikings owner Zygi Wilf's post-game meeting with coach Mike Tice.

 

Sounds like Chiefs QB Trent Green is frustrated about the fact that he's not allowed to audible out of plays like the one that resulted in an interception for a touchdown on Sunday.

 

The Big Show got too cautious when it counted.

 

Donovan McNabb apparently thrives on playing with pain (which might also explain his ability to coexist with T.O.).

 

Jim Souhan of The Minneapolis Star Tribune aptly sums up the Vikings latest road debacle, which pushed their total in away games this year to 67 points allowed, 18 points scored.

 

Redskins RB Clinton Portis returns to Denver next week, and Broncos WR Rod Smith is ready for him:  "If I catch Portis over by the sideline, I'm going to knock him out."

 

POSTED 11:24 a.m. EDT; UPDATED 11:36 a.m. EDT, October 2, 2005

 

PLAYERS PISSED ABOUT "FUTBOL" DECAL

 

As the NFL prepares to tightly embrace (i.e., make a lot of pesos off of) the burgeoning Spanish-speaking population, players throughout the league are pissed that they are being required to don ugly-ass decals that read "Futbol Americano" on their helmets this weekend.

 

[That green background ain't no coincidence.]

 

The concern isn't that the league is going a bit too far (it is) with its efforts to sell a few urban sombreros emblazoned with the NFL shield, but that the NFL is requiring these decals to be worn not long after it utilized half-hearted, in comparison, efforts to memorialize guys like Johnny Unitas and Pat Tillman.

 

A year ago, the powers-that-be threatened to fine Jake Plummer 30 large if he dared to wear a decal in honor of Tillman, an American solider who died in a hail of friendly fire after giving up his NFL career to do his part to preserve freedom.  In 2002, the NFL refused to let Colts quarterback Peyton Manning to wear black high tops after Unitas died of a heart attack.

 

So let's hope that, the next time a high-profile NFL player passes, the league will keep its cabeza out of its culata and permit the guy to be properly honored.  If helmets can be used to curry favor with our muchachos in Mexico, they can and should be used to pay tribute to the guys who have made the game what it is.

 

SUNDAY PREGAME ONE-LINERS

 

From the "You Should Have Listened To Us Before Sending In Your Fantasy Roster" file, Saints WR Joe Horn won't play with a bad hamstring.

 

When did being a supposedly objective TV analyst become a pulpiy for advancing a guy's own biases and prejudices?  Within the first 30 minutes of ESPN's NFL Countdown, Steve Young already has performed his weekly crotch nuzzling act on Michael Vick, and Michael Irvin has rubbed his rings in Meshawn's face.

 

ESPN's Chris Mortenson reports that Bills QB J.P. Lostman might be on a short leash, and that Kelly Holcomb could get some reps.

 

POSTED 8:04 a.m. EDT, October 2, 2005

 

MO' MONEY FOR MANNING

 

In response to recent reports that Colts quarterback Peyton Manning is making eight figures per year in endorsement money, league insiders are again shaking their heads regarding Peyton's hijacking of the team's salary cap via the long-term contract he signed in 2004.

 

He pocketed $16 million last year when he signed the deal, and another $18.5 million in March 2005, for a total two-tiered bonus of $34.5 million.

 

Though his salaries are downright pedestrian in 2005, 2006, and 2007 (when he'll earn $665,000, $1 million, and $1 million respectively), the numbers take off in 2008, when he'll make $69 million in base salary over five years.

 

Some of those numbers might not actually be earned, since Manning will be 32 when the huge salaries start to kick in.  But even though NFL teams have the ability to walk away from contracts prematurely, we can't imagine the Colts being able to punt Peyton without major P.R. problems, barring a huge drop in performance.

 

Arguably, the backslide is already beginning.  Through three games in 2005, Manning has thrown only two touchdown passes, which matches his two interceptions.  His quarterback rating is an anemic 79.9, his lowest rating since his rookie year.

 

Things will only get worse, if the salary cap survives.  Peyton's cap number will skyrocket in 2008, making it even harder for the organization to put a team around him.  The real drop might come as soon as 2006, when workhorse running back Edgerrin James likely leaves because the cap won't allow the team to pay him nearly $10 million in salary under the franchise tag, and because he's too old and banged up to justify a long-term deal. 

 

Sure, Manning might get his ring before it all falls apart, due in large part to the shackles of his cap number.  But if he doesn't win one soon, however, he really will be this generation's Dan Marino.

 

The difference is that, unlike Marino, Manning has some influence over whether the organization will be able to put enough talent around him.  And by stuffing as much cap money into his own pockets at a time when he's making huge money off of the field, Manning will have only himself to blame if the Colts can't afford to buy enough horses.

 

SUNDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

Packers WR Javon Walker will have his ACL repaired not by the Green Bay team physician, but by the guy who tinkers with the Texans.

 

Packers TE Bubba Franks (knee) practiced for the first time since injuring his knee September 18 and could play Monday night.

 

Tef insists that Denver's 34-10 loss to the Fins was "very close" (not even a complete idiot would try to sell that).

 

Rams WR Isaac Bruce is expected to miss several weeks with turf toe.

 

The Boston Herald looks at the Pats' recent history of interchangeable parts, which began with a sixth-round draft pick stepping in for a dude named Drew.

 

Speaking of sixth-rounders stepping in for starting quarterbacks, is the Jets 2003 sixth-rounder sandbagging?

 

Maybe the Bucs should get ride of the pirate ship and park an Escalade in its place.

 

Fins coach Nick Saban doesn't want his players thinking about the season-ending injuries suffered by each of their AFC opponents.

 

Ravens FB Alan Ricard (calf) is a game-time decision.

 

Chiefs LT Willie Roaf will miss yet another game with a bad hamstring.

 

Memo to McNabb:  Vikings C Matt Birk thinks that playing through sports hernias resulted in a torn labrum in each hip.

 

The Giants don't want to stagger into their bye with two straight losses.

 

Falcons QB Michael Vick is confident that he can beat the Vikings, and anyone else:  "Whatever they do, I am ready for it," Vick said. "I get it all.  When I get blitzed, I hurt them with the blitz.  When they sit back, I hurt them when they sit back.  So take your pick."

 

Steelers fans didn't react well to losing to the Pats.

 

The Redskins have signed DB Dimitri Patterson from the practice squad.

 

The Jags have been studying Denver films, and haven't noticed any illegal blocking tactics "this year"; last year, a hit from a Broncos lineman broke the leg of Jax DE Paul Spicer.

 

Bart Hubbuch of The Florida Times-Union takes a look at the history of the cut block, and the move to make it illegal.

 

It's been 53 games since the Jags have scored at least 30 points.

 

Alex Barron, meet Mike Strahan.

 

CB Chris Johnson is nailing down the nickel gig in St. Louis.

 

Titans QB Steve McNair is looking to develop some chemistry with one of his receivers (of course, the guy with whom he already had great chemistry got blown up when the bald-headed dude in the front office started throwing out the test tubes).

 

Bucs coach Jon Gruden has kept his Rocket Backfield in his pocket.

 

Ravens LB Ray Lewis isn't thinking about going 0-3:  "I just have the Jets to deal with.  I don't worry about 0-3 and all that.  I've got a 60-minute ballgame.  If I'm worried about 0-3 and trying to tackle Curtis Martin at the same time, I'm playing the wrong game."

 

Playing with pain isn't a phenomenon restricted to the guys who get the headlines.

 

Pats coach Bill Belichick shrugs at the notion that starting two rookies next to each other on the offensive line is a bad idea.

 

Thomas George of The Denver Post told Fat Albert that he reminds him of Roman Gabriel; said Albert, "Roman who?"

 

Giants RB Tiki Barber wants the team to focus more on the running game.

 

Our reaction to the portion of Denny Green's presso conferencio that played on the NFL Network -- the reporters are Mexican, not deaf.

 

Chiefs WR Marc Boerigter will be suited up for the first time this season, in place of WR Chris Horn.

 

Don McKee of The Philadephia Inquirer should do a little research before he makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me" in stating that surgery on Donovan McNabb's sports hernia would knock him out for 10 weeks or longer.

 

The Broncos are expected to sign CB Curome Cox from the practice squad and release RB Quentin Griffin.

 

The NFL Network's Terrell Davis insists that the decade or so of high performances by a revolving door of running backs in Denver has more to do with the backs and less to do with the blocking schemes (and we'd put a little more stock in his opinion if he wasn't one of those running backs).

 

From the "Is This Pro Football Or Slapdick Johnny's Two-Hand Touch League?" file, Adam Schefter of the NFL Network reports that the Cardinals red jerseys won't be ready until the middle of the season.

 

POSTED 7:36 a.m. EDT, October 1, 2005

 

BURRESS WAS A MINUTE EARLY

 

We stll can't figure out the Soup Nazi.  In order to be on time for meetings, guys must get there five minutes early.

 

Last week, receiver Plaxico Burress was benched for the first quarter of Sunday night's game because he was "late" for a meeting because he got there only one minute early.

 

We're told that Burress arrived in the meeting room at 8:34 a.m., one minute before the start time of 8:35 a.m.

 

Tom, why not just say that the meeting starts at 8:30, and then wait five minutes before you make your grand entrance?

 

But, then again, that would make Coughlin give minutes late.

 

SATURDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

Pats S Rodney Harrison might never return from his torn knee ligaments (so much for that new deal he wanted).

 

Eagles coach Andy Reid continues to wallow in denial regarding QB Donovan McNabb's hernia.

 

Asked if the Eagles can with without Donovan McGroin, T.O. says, "No comment."

 

Colts QB Peyton Munster's bolts have stayed in his neck for 116 straight games.

 

The Bears will get Julius Jones Sr. and Ricky Williams Jr. on the field at the same time, and they also plan to incorporate the shotgun.

 

Attention terrorists and other assorted kooks -- the Bengals are the only NFL team who won't be conducting security pat-downs.

 

The Cards could be feeling a little saintly for  their home game in Mexico City, given that the locals apparently are squarely behind the Quattro-Nuevers.

 

From the "Take The Sock With Two Buttons Sewn On It Off Of One Hand And Put It On Another" file, former 49ers TE Brent Jones has quit his job with CBS.

 

Vikings DE Kenechi Udeze will miss Sunday's game due to a little udeze in his kenechi.

 

Vikes WR Koren Robinson missed Thursday's practice with a "migraine" (which could be, in this case, a fancy-ass word for "hangover"); if he doesn't have another "migraine" on Sunday, Robinson might return punts.

 

A total of 14 Packers will be unrestricted free agents after the season.

 

The Packers are the dumbest team in America (maybe Bill Callahan will be the coach next year).

 

Jags WR Reggie Williams missed practice on Friday with a knee injury, but is listed as probable.

 

The Rams dumped CB Terry Fair for a day when Richie Incognito was signed; once Incognito was sent to the non-football injury/reserve list, Fair was re-signed.

 

A Connecticut company has lost its season tickets to Patriots games because one of its male guests pulled an Ally McBeal.

 

The Freak has no sacks through three games.

 

The Seahawks will travel more than 35,000 miles this year.

 

WR Troy Edwards was scheduled to work out for the Fins on Friday; he worked out for the Pats earlier in the week.

 

We're not sure who to root for in the ongoing Meshawn versus Michael cat fight (maybe they'll have a duel and each will get off one well-aimed shot).

 

The A-Train will be left in the station again.

 

Saints WR Joe Horn (hamstring) participated in individual work but not team drills on Friday; he remains a game-time decision

 

Falcons WR Dez White might not play on Sunday with a hamstring injury.

 

Seahawks WR Darrel Jackson had an MRI on his right knee; he is listed as probable for Sunday.

 

The guy who once was the star of a Super Bowl could soon be the queen of Cell Block H.