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POSTED 4:44 p.m. EDT, October 25, 2005

 

PFT TEN-PACK:  WEEK SEVEN

 

Seven weeks into the NFL regular season, and here we go with another ten observations regarding yet another entertaining slate of games from the greatest sport in the world.  (We were going to say "universe" but the Schmorgatrons recently have developed a wicked new take on hacky-sack, which involves the bean bag periodically bursting into flames.)

 

First, five game-related takes:

 

1.  Replay Needs A Review.

 

The NFL replay system is broken.  The thing either needs to be fixed, or it needs to be scrapped.

 

The biggest problem is that the guys in the white hats continue to use the black box as a tool to re-do the decision that already was made on the field by one of their colleagues.  But the rules plainly state that a call will be overturned only if the visual evidence is indisputable.

 

Several weeks back, the Lions got jobbed out of a win over the Bucs when referee Gerry Austin decided to cross-reference two separate angles in order to essentially make the call from scratch.  On Sunday, ref Tony Corrente similarly failed to apply the letter and spirit of the replay rule in overturning a "did-he-or-didn't-he?" touchdown reception by Bengals wideout Chad "Cha Cha" Johnson.

 

Sorry, but with Johnson's black shoes on black FieldTurf and no way of seeing whether his second toe did or didn't drag (kicking up black rubber pellets), we can't say that it's indisputable that Johnson's second foot wasn't in before his hand hit the white line.

 

Here's a tip, refs.  It after watching the best angle more than twice you feel the need to watch the thing again before making a decision, the evidence isn't indisputable and the call (whatever it is) should stand.

 

We've also noticed that the manner in which the refs explain the decision routinely omits the key words "indisputable visual evidence."  Instead, they explain their conclusion as if they re-made the call based on what they saw, not whether they decided that there was sufficient proof to overturn the call that already was made.

 

The other problem, in our view, is the notion that, for 56 minutes of the game, the question of whether questionable calls are reviewed entails a multi-faceted exercise in strategy.  However, the mere fact that the NFL automatically permits replay to be initiated from the booth within the last two minutes (or, as the Saints learned on Sunday, after the two-minute warning) of the second quarter and fourth quarter represents an implicit admission that the league recognizes there are circumstances in which it's important to get calls right.

 

But what's so damned magical about the last two minutes of the half or the game?  Most pro football contests turn on a handful of plays peppered throughout all four quarters.  For every game that hinges on a last-minute drive, there are five or more in which the turning point comes well before the last 120 ticks.

 

So we firmly believe that the system should revert to its original rules, under which the replay official initiated all replays.

 

The argument in favor of the current structure is that it limits the number of replays and thus speeds up the game.  But considering that college games drag on and on for 3.5 hours or longer and given that the delays resulting from replays typically entail a little drama and intrigue, who cares if the games last a few minutes longer?  To the extent the NFL fears that a few extra minutes before the final gun sounds might alienate fans, maybe the league should consider the impact on customer loyalty of a replay system with facets that seem to be arbitrary, such as the tweak in the rules that screwed the Saints on Sunday against the Rams, when an obviously incorrect call at a key juncture of the game could not be reviewed.

 

With that said, we realize that a system rendering replay automatic for every possible mistake could result in a flood of reviews for issues like the spot of the ball on second down and seven or whether a guy got his feet in bounds on a catch that would have been good for a two-yard gain on 3rd-and-23.  So in order to avoid replays of potentially bad calls that really weren't important, we suggest limiting replay to the following range of plays and outcomes:

 

a.  Any play resulting in a change of possession.

 

b.  Any play resulting in a touchdown.

 

c.  Any play in which the outcome of the review would determine whether a first down is or is not awarded.

 

That's it.  It's all they need.  Get rid of the red flag.  Get rid of the two-minute rule.  Get rid of the ref conducting the video review, since he's subject to the influences of loud-mouthed coaches and drunk-ass fans.  Keep it all in the replay booth, and make the replay official completely independent of the officiating crew.

 

And please -- please -- get rid of the stupid down-by-contact thing that prevents a non-call on a fumble from being reviewed.

 

2.  "Ned Flanders is Hepped Up On Goofballs."

 

We still like Jim Mora, Jr., but we'll admit that we're feeling a tad bit confused by his apparent affinity for sniffing ammonia capsules -- and for sticking them under the noses of his players.

 

It's not illegal and by all appearances not dangerous.  Power lifters routinely use ammonia capsules to get "psyched up" for a heavy rep. 

 

But it's bizarre, to say the least, to see a head coach of a pro football team messing with the capsules like a kid who found a box of them in a drawer in the basement.  Though ammonia isn't a threshold drug, the act of inhaling anything for fun is a threshold behavior that can lead to more dangerous and addictive sniffing activities. 

 

Kids, after all, aren't in a position to understand the things that will hurt them and the things that won't.  Ammonia capsules, from what yours truly recalls as Florio Jr. was making his now-I-know-why-I-didn't-got-to-medical-school entrance into the world, surely smell like they can cause harm -- and kids who think it's okay to stick them under their noses because Coach Mora did it could then decide to sample the bouquet of other substances, once they get bored with the aroma of ammonia.

 

So knock off the ammonia sniffing, Jim.  You really need to think about the impact it can have on the youngsters who see you doing it.

 

3.  Assault And Battery.

 

The media can try to polish it up as much as they want, but the indisputable visual evidence is that Cowboys coach Bill Parcells had a Woody Hayes moment on Sunday with receivers coach Todd Haley.

 

It wasn't a shove, it was a punch.  A quick, abrupt, violent punch. 

 

The altercation occurred as the Tuna was talking to the officials regarding a disputed call.  Haley eventually chimed in from over Parcells' shoulder, and the head coach spun around and socked it to him in the torso.

 

Parcells' explanation?  "In light of the things that happened two weeks ago in the league, we got a memorandum from the league about conduct toward officials and rightfully so.  So I told my team and my coaches that I don't want that and that I'll be the one that talks to officials. And I don't berate the officials.  I told [Haley] to stop and he didn't.  So we had to have a little talk with him."

 

A talk?  That sure ain't what we saw.  Haley was sufficiently removed from the zebras so as not to be in position to make contact with them.  And there was no advance discussion or warning from Parcells.  The Tuna simply turned, punched the guy, and then spun back to the debate.

 

Woody Hayes, folks.  Woody Hayes.

 

4.  Gus Must Go, In A Few Weeks.

 

He started the season with a 96.4 passer rating against a stellar Denver defense, making offensive coordinator Scott Linehan and head coach Nick Saban look like geniuses.

 

Since then, Miami quarterback Gus Frerotte has been, well, not good.

 

Frerotte sunk to a 37.3 rating against the Chiefs on Friday night, completing only 11 of 29 passes for 125 yards and an interception.

 

Some in the South Florida media have been clamoring for backup Sage Rosenfels.  But we think that the better bet would be to give Frerotte a couple of final chances to turn it around before giving Cleo Lemon a shot at generating some excitement and pick up some game reps in preparation for 2006.

 

At 2-4, the Fins likely are only two or three losses away from falling out of the playoff hunt (unless that whole NFC North thing continues to play out in the AFC East).  Once the team's chances at a postseason berth are dead and gone, it'll be time for Gus to hit the bench and Cleo to get the nod.

 

5.  Leinart Bowl Looming.

 

Mark your calendars, kids.  January 1, 2006.  Three days before USC quarterback Matt Leinart laces them up one last time for the Trojans in the Rose Bowl (assuming they don't blow their shot at the BCS title game), Leinart's football future likely will be determined by two terrible football teams.

 

And the game will happen just a few hundred miles up the road from Leinart's current stomping grounds.

 

Houston Texans at San Francisco 49ers.

 

If current results hold, the loser will be the winner -- of the right to pay Leinart millions of dollars based on nothing but his perceived potential.

 

The Niners, of course, already have given millions to another young quarterback with no NFL experience.  So if they land in the top spot, they'll likely have a shot at trading down with a team that needs a franchise signal-caller.

 

If they "earn" the top spot, the Texans likely will be ready to dump David Carr, the No. 1 pick in the 2002 draft, and go with Leinart.  But their experience with Carr might make the Texans nervous about using the pick on another unproven quarterback from California.

 

But like a gambler who's afraid to walk away from the poker machine because it might be ready to get hot, our guess is that the Texans won't be able to resist the allure of Leinart -- even as they recover from the crash-and-burn that has been David Carr.

 

Now for the five non-game observations:

 

1.  Kremer Goes Easy On Denny.

 

ESPN's Andrea Kremer generally did a pretty thorough job of breaking down the institutional problems that have plagued the Minnesota Vikings over the past several years.  But one of the guys who should receive at least some of the blame for the current condition of the organization got a free pass.

 

Former coach Dennis Green.

 

To the extent that the payroll now consists of guys who have trouble respecting the rules (especially when it comes to matters of a carnal nature), it was Green's tenure that introduced sexual misconduct (or allegations thereof) to the franchise.

 

In 1995, The Minneapolis Star Tribune reported that the Vikings had paid $150,000 to settle a sexual harassment claim against an assistant coach.  Per the report, an affidavit executed by a former Vikings employee also detailed "sexually inappropriate behavior" by Green.

 

And in those early years of the Green regime, when these alleged events would have occurred, who was one of the players on the roster?  None other Homer J. Meathead, who joined the coaching staff in 1996 and replaced Green after the former head coach cajoled a termination (and a seven-figure buyout) in late 2001.

 

The current environment of lawlessness and/or rules-breaking within the organization arguably traces to Green's handling of his meal-ticket prima donnas, Cris Carter and Randy Moss.  A different standard was put in place for Messrs. Moss and Carter after the Vikes won 15 regular season games in 1998, and the resulting atmosphere of inconsistency surely has made it difficult for Tice to grab control of the team -- especially since Moss was still part of it until a year ago.

 

Moreover, when Red McCombs bought the team in 1998 and ran the thing on the cheap, we assume that Green gave McCombs assurances that bureaucrats like a director of security weren't necessary.  Green was all about building and consolidating power, and the last thing he would have wanted was to add to the building folks over whom he had no dominion or control.

 

McCombs also deserves much of the blame for hiring Tice at bargain-basement rates to replace Green -- and for not beefing up the organization after Green was gone.  By then, however, McCombs had decided to abandon efforts to get a new stadium, and his thoughts turned to spending as little money as possible while he tried to find a sucker to buy the team.

 

2.  Vick Needs A Lawyer With Him At All Times.

 

In its generally goofy up-close-and-personal segments with one of the participants in the MNF contest, ABC usually churns up a couple of corny yuk-yuks.

 

On Monday night, however, the folks at Disney extracted from Falcons quarterback Michael Vick a real eyebrow-raiser.

 

Vick said during the spot that the secret to dating two women at the same time is to have two different cell phones.

 

As one reader commented, "I thought the secret was blaming the stash of Valtrex in the medicine cabinet on your roommate."

 

It was moronic, indeed, for Vick to make that kind of a crack on national television, given that he is facing a civil lawsuit from a woman who claims that he gave her herpes.

 

We doubt that Vick's statement would be used against him at the trial of the simplex suit.  But who knows?  There he was, acknowledging that he has multiple partners and behaving in a cavalier manner regarding a disease that he most likely obtained via reckless dating practices.

 

And we're surprised that the folks from ABC didn't edit that response out of the segment.  Then again, given that the "real" media generally has turned a blind eye to Vick's legal imbroglio, our guess is that no one made the connection between his perception as a swinger and his reality as an itcher.

 

3.  ABC Pimps Video Game Version Of Playmakers.

 

We'll admit that Jimmy Kimmel's segment on Monday night was a bit more entertaining than usual.  Then again, 60 seconds of John Madden reading from a book of Turkish baby names would have been more enjoyable than any of Kimmel's prior offerings.

 

"Okay, first you got your 'Abbarane,' and then you got your 'Abebi.'  Next you got your 'Abellia,' which kinda sounds like 'A bloomin' onion' . . . ."

 

What caught our attention regarding Kimmel's spot was its audacity.  Kimmel's guest was Hall of Famer Lawrence Taylor, and the joke was Jimmy's effort to prod Taylor to anger based on the fact that San Diego running back LaDainian Tomlinson is now known as "L.T."

 

The kicker is that Taylor is in the process of promoting the video game "Blitz:  The League," a face-slap to the NFL that includes profane language, steroid use, and players behaving generally like, well, their real-life professional counterparts.  The plot lines were developed in part by one of the guys who wrote for the fictional ESPN show Playmakers, which was killed by the network after the application of not-so-subtle pressure by the league office.

 

And even though the game also features graphic and dramatic injuries (like compound leg fractures), we were shocked when the old L.T. made light of the most gruesome snap, crackle, and/or pop in league history by saying that, when he get through with him, the new L.T. will think that "Joe Theismann got off easy." 

 

4.  ESPN Pimps Burger King.

 

We know that the NFL is getting paid plenty of money to permit the bastardization of the NFL Films vault via the superimposition of "the King"

over the body of a player.

 

And we're now wondering what kind of consideration the folks in Bristol are receiving after building an Apprentice-style product placement into its actual content.  On Sunday, the "Mayne Event" portion of ESPN's Sunday NFL Countdown featured a profile of "the King" -- characterizing him as one of the hottest rookies in the league.

 

The bit had its moments, but they were outweighed by the cheesiness of the piece.  And every time we saw the "Burger King" logo gleaming on the crown atop the smiling plastic head, we couldn't help but wonder whether a lot of money (or a lot of burgers) changed hands on this one.

 

5.  Fans 1, DirecTV 0.

 

Here's an interesting post-script to last week's refusal by the NFL and DirecTV to permit the Friday night game between the Chiefs and Dolphins to be televised nationally by CBS, DirecTV, or The NFL Network.

 

The game, you'll recall, was pre-poned by the league in the face of Hurricane Wilma, removing it from the Sunday Ticket lineup on DirecTV and restricting it to the Miami and Kansas City-area CBS affiliates.

 

So with no ability to see the game, some Fins and Chiefs fans not living within the local broadcast areas got creative.  Specifically, they called DirecTV and changed their zip code to an area within the Miami or Kansas City markets.  As a result, they got to see the game on their "local" CBS channels.

 

Other readers told us that they tried the maneuver, but that the folks at DirecTV apparently had gotten wise to the scam.

 

Hopefully by next year the NFL will take steps necessary to permit games moved to Friday night or Saturday due to weather or other events beyond the control of the authorities to be televised on DirecTV without jeopardizing the league's antitrust exemption.  If not, there always will be fans who know how to come up with ways to get around any impediments to seeing their favorite teams play.

 

POSTED 9:07 a.m. EDT, October 25, 2005

 

MACK BROWN HAVING SAINTLY THOUGHTS?

 

With Jim Haslett likely gone from the Saints after the 2005 season, Texas coach Mack Brown could be the new guy to lead Tom Benson's team, especially if it moves to San Antonio.

 

Click here for the full story on our sister site, Collegefootballtalk.com.

 

MEATHEAD, BRZEZINSKI FEUDING?

 

Vikings coach Mike Tice retreated on Monday from comments implicitly critical of V.P. of Football Operations Rob Brzezinski.

 

After assistant coaches heard folks from Brzezinski's box loudly calling for the Meathead to take Minnesota's final time out as the Packers prepared to attempt a relatively short game-tying field goal, Tice said (in true Homer Simpson style), "[V]ice presidents should vice president their departments and let us do our jobs on the field." 

 

On Monday, Tice softened.  "Everybody wants to win, and everybody wants to do well," Tice said.  "And then when you do, you get emotional. One thing you never want to do is get sensitive, and maybe I was a little sensitive [Sunday] because I took a shot at a couple of my own guys.  I hope those guys will forgive me because I know they have my back."

 

Still, Tice's attempt to smooth things over won't erase his prior words.  And given that owner Zygi Wilf was in the box with Brzezinski (and presumably is there for three hours or so every Sunday), Tice should be sucking up to the guy who's in position to whisper into the ear of the guy who signs the checks.

 

And even though the team somehow found a way to get in position for a 56-yard game winner with 24 ticks and one time out, we also would've preferred to have a full minute and no time outs to try to steal the win.  Our guess is that Tice opted for a more narrow window to win the game in regulation in order to give the Packers less time to capitalize on an always-possible miscue from quarterback Daunte Culpepper.

 

Then again, that hypothesis could be giving Mr. Stivic a bit too much credit.

 

LEAGUE NEEDS TO GET TOUGH WITH CROTCH-PUNCHERS

 

The NFL has a problem that, for whatever reason, it has failed to properly acknowledge.

 

Players, it seems, have a thing for punching and grabbing other players in the crotch.

 

Although the chestnut clutch-and-crush move has been a long-time staple at the bottom of a pile-up, guys are getting increasingly brazen with the more easily detectable jab to the giblets.

 

Last week, Pats guard Logan Mankins was ejected for punching Broncos defensive end Ebenezer Ekuban in the groinius maximus.  Mankins also was fined $7,500, although he claims that the punch was not intentionally targeted at Ekuban's eggs and sausage.

 

''I was trying to get him off of me and my hand came from the ground and caught him in the crotch," Mankins said.  ''I just know he was on my hand and I wanted to get him off."  (Editor's note:  Whenever discussing the issue of making contact with another man's genitalia, it is not advisable to use the phrase "I wanted to get him off.")

 

On Sunday, Rams defensive tackle Damione Lewis delivered a blow to the bladder bling of Saints center LeCharles Bentley, drawing another ejection, along with the ire of Bentley and Rams interim coach Joe Vitt.

 

"You don't do that where I'm from," Bentley said, according to The St. Louis Post-Dispatch.  "But he's a [University of] Miami guy.  What do you expect?  I hope the league fines him to the utmost degree of the law.  They should ban him for a game, too.  We don't need that in this league."

 

Said Vitt. also per The P-D:  "We will not tolerate it.  It'll be dealt with.  We're going to play the game the right way, and that's not the right way."

 

Last year, Saints defensive back Steve Gleason was fined only $5,000 for a similar maneuver -- which seemed extremely incongruous to us in light of the $10,000 fine that was slapped on Randy Moss for merely pretending to show his cheeks to the Cheeseheads.

 

Although the league apparently has jacked up the price tag for a punch to the pee-pee by 50 percent in the past year, the $7,500 levied against Mankins last week matches the fine imposed six years ago on then-Vikings defensive end Duane Clemons for a power shot to Flozell's mini-hotel. 
 

Look, the only way to get guys to quit attempting to inflict intentional injury on the manhood of other players (who typically don't wear cups), the NFL should significantly increase fines for conduct that, if it occurred in a bar or on a street corner, could get a guy thrown in jail.

 

If the league is willing to fine guys like Jim Haslett and Coach Teflon 20 large for (God forbid) acknowledging that the zebras are human and, like the rest of us, screw things up from time to time, players who see fit to target the testes of other guys should at least pay that amount -- if not much more.

 

TUESDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

Bernie Miklasz of The St. Louis Post-Dispatch perfectly breaks down the Mike Martz situation.

 

A taped message from S Ken Hamlin helped inspire the Seahawks to a win over the Cowboys.

 

Former Ravens DE Michael McCrary thinks that RB Jamal Lewis isn't going all out this year in order to preserve his market value for free agency (or maby he just really misses his cellmate).

 

Bob Glauber of Newsday warns Jets fans that they should relish the next ten games from RB Curtis Martin.

 

Bill Romanowski signed copies of his book in Denver on Monday (until he ran out of crayons).

 

Steve Wyche of The Atlanta Journal-Constitution apparently hasn't been drinking his Mike Vick Kool Aid.

 

Steelers running backs Willie Parker and Jerome Bettis aren't complaining about sharing touches (nobody asked Duce Staley for his opinion, though).

 

Pats DE Richard Seymour says the team's 3-3 record is "not acceptable."

 

The Eagles passed the ball 85 percent of the time on Sunday.

 

Judge Robert Stone extended by 90 days the probation of Titans CB Pacman Jones for a pool-cue-swinging incident from 2002, based on Pac's failure to stay in touch with his probation officer.

 

Ravens coach Brian Billick says that the zebras are targeting DE Terrell Suggs (hey, Brian, it would have been cheaper for you to just punch Mike Carey in the crotch).

 

Jay Glazer of FOXSports.com reports that Giants RB Tiki Barber has de-escalators in his contract based on his failure to gain a certain number of yards, which could be contributing to Tiki's consternation regarding the shift away from the running game.

 

Fins DE Jason Taylor has a torn plantar fascia in his foot but will continue to play through the pain.

 

With RB Ahman Green suffering a serious leg injury months before he becomes a free agent, the market for his services likely will be soft to say the least -- look for him eventually to sign a Ty Law-style face-saving deal that will be in reality a one-year arrangement.

 

Packers coach Mike Sherman calls out CB Joey Thomas for giving up the reception that put the Vikings in field goal range.

 

POSTED 11:22 p.m. EDT, October 24, 2005

 

BROWN'S RUDENESS NOT RUDD-NESS

 

We were shocked to see Seahawks kicker Josh Brown rip his helmet off and pitch it after nailing a game-winning 50-yard field goal with no time left to lift Seattle to a 13-10 win over the Cowboys.

 

Not because Brown is a punk-ass kicker who shouldn't be grandstanding like a "real" football player, but because of a similar incident involving former Browns linebacker Dwayne Rudd three years ago.

 

Rudd, you may recall, threw off his helmet during the last play of a season-opening game between Cleveland and Kansas City.  With the Browns leading 39-37, Rudd's bone-headed play resulted in an untimed down for the Chiefs and a half-the-distance penalty, enabling Morten Andersen to nail a 30-yarder for the K.C. win.

 

So why didn't Brown's behavior trigger a similar outcome?

 

The difference, as NFL V.P. Greg Aiello told us on Monday, is that the game was over when Brown's helmet flew off.

 

In contrast, Rudd heaved his helmet after he presumed that he had sacked Chiefs quarterback Trent Green.  But Green had in reality pitched the ball to tackle John Tait, who rumbled 28 yards with it as Rudd celebrated.

 

So while Rudd's violation occurred on a play that ended with no time on the clock, the helmet flew before the play (and thus the game) had ended. 

 

According to Aiello, Brown's post-game conduct will not result in a fine, either, since it was technically "not a violation of anything."

 

And even if time had remained on the clock when Brown tossed his helmet, the penalty would not have been a removal of the three points but a 15-yard walk-off prior to the kickoff.

 

The play would have directly affected the outcome of the game only if Brown had removed his helmet while the ball was still in play.  This would have nullified the three-pointer and pushed the kick beyond Tom Dempsey distance.  If no time remained on the clock when the play ended, the game would have gone straight to overtime without another attempt.

 

MARTZ IS DONE

 

ESPN's Chris Mortensen opined on Monday Night Countdown that Rams coach Mike Martz likely has coached his last game in St. Louis, and we fully agree.

 

Mort's educated prognostication came on the same day that Martz announced that he will not return to the team this season, and on which it was disclosed that it was team president John Shaw, not president of football operations Jay Zygmunt, who blocked Martz's efforts to relay a play call to offensive coordinator Steve Fairchild on Sunday.

 

Shaw reportedly was "infuriated" that the incident became public.  According to Mortensen, Martz leaked the matter to Jim Thomas of The St. Louis Post-Dispatch.

 

Martz has a bacterial infection in his heart.  He commenced a medical leave of absence two weeks ago, initially telling the players and staff that he would be back in six weeks.

 

On Monday, Martz spoke in terms of returning in 2006.  But even if he wants out of the dysfunctional organization for which he worked from 1992 through 1996 and from 1999 to the present, he needs to be fired in order to be entitled to the final year of salary.  If he resigns, he would be entitled to nothing for next season.

 

ZYGI LOVES MEATHEAD?

 

There's a rumor floating around in Minnesota that new Vikings owner Zygi Wilf has an emerging man-crush (platonic only) on coach Mike Tice, and that a changing of the guard might not be a done deal after the season after all.

 

And maybe that's part of Wilf's motivation for pointing to the organizational deficiencies that have plagued the team over the past few years.  In one respect, Wilf's effort to place blame on former poobah Red McCombs for running the shop on the cheap helps to explain the current state of the franchise.  But it also provides an excuse of sorts for the Meathead, who can only be expected to do so much as the head coach -- especially when he's getting chump change.

 

We're also hearing that Wilf's intention to beef up the personnel department could spell doom for vice president of football operations Rob Brzezinski, if the new chief chooses to go in a different direction.  But multiple league insiders have expressed to us support for Brzezinski, explaining to us that he's one of the few guys in the front office who "gets it." 

 

We don't think anyone should get too caught up in Minnesota's stunning come-from-behind win over the Packers, but the Vikings showed for the first time this season the kind of determination and desire that sorely has been missing.  Whatever Tice said or did to get the guys' attention, it worked.

 

And if Tice can continue to press the same buttons and get the same results, the Vikings (and Tice) might not be dead in the water.

 

POSTED 2:08 p.m. EDT, October 24, 2005

 

AHMAN A-GONE

 

We're hearing that Packers running back Ahman Green's quadriceps tendon has popped off of the bone, and that Green is done for the year.

 

The Packers already have lost primary backup Najeh "Dookie" Davenport for the season. 

 

Green injured the tendon on October 3 against the Panthers and missed the October 9 game against the Saints.  In the wake of the injury, folks surely will be asking whether Green was truly ready to play.

 

We're also told that receiver Robert Ferguson is expected to play again this season despite an ugly knee-buckling that occurred when he came down after making a catch against the Vikings.

 

POSTED 6:37 a.m. EDT, October 24, 2005

 

ZYGMUNT BLOCKS MARTZ

 

According to The St. Louis Post-Dispatch, Rams president of football operations Jay Zygmunt blocked an effort by Rams coach Mike Martz, recuperating at home from a bacterial infection of his heart, to relay a play call to offensive coordinator Steve Fairchild during Sunday's game against the Saints.

 

The move came a day after Martz made a surprise appearance at Rams Park, meeting briefly with the team.

 

Zygmunt, whose oversized cranium could be seen looming over Fairchild during televised shots of the coaching booth last Monday night against the Colts, has spent the last two games parked in the box in which several assistants monitor the game from a perspective that enables them to see the entire field.  And Fairchild has been calling the plays in Martz's absence.

 

Unless Zygmunt's motivation was to get Martz to forget about football while his health is restored, the move is further evidence of a long-standing feud between Martz and Zygmunt, and it makes us wonder what else the team president could be doing to keep Martz out of mind while he's out of sight.

 

It's no secret that Martz is on the hot seat this year.  We thought that maybe he'd get a pass given his illness.  But it now appears that Martz will get no special consideration -- and that Zygmunt is using this merely as an opportunity to slam the door in the head coach's face. 

 

MONDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

After beating the Texans on Sunday, the Colts got a locker room visit from Bush 41; "The prez," said RB Edgerrin James, "that means we're big time."

 

Redskins LB LaVar Arrington had nine tackles in roughly 25 snaps.

 

Packers RB Ahman Green might have ruptured a quadriceps tendon on Sunday.

 

We suggest a paternity test to determine whether Giants QB Eli Manning is the son of Archie or the spawn of Elway.

 

QB Jeff Garcia led the Lions to a win, perhaps prompting QB Joey Harrington to ponder his next career move.

 

["So do you want fries with that or not?"]

 

Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger kept it simple on Sunday, throwing only 14 passes in a 27-13 win at Cincy.

 

Saints C LeCharles Bentley took a punch to the LeCrotch on Sunday.

 

The Giants found extra motivation for their stirring 24-23 win on Sunday in the illnesses of owners Wellington Mara and Laurence Tisch.

 

As the Ravens fall to 2-4, some league insiders are wondering whether the looming coaching purge will also reach into the front office.

 

Packers WR Robert Ferguson, whose knee bent awkwardly when he landed after making a catch on Sunday, apparently does not have any torn ligaments.

 

'Skins coach Joe Gibbs bitched about the fact that his team was an 11-point favorite over the 49ers (and the oddsmakers indeed got it wrong -- the line should have been San Fran plus 34.5).

 

Kevin Seifert of The Minneapolis Star Tribune came up with a perfect title for Sunday's game-winning field goal by K Paul Edinger:  "The love boot."

 

Jets coach Herm Edwards calls playing on Monday night a "privilege" (we wonder if he'll feel the same way when he looks up at the scoreboard in the fourth quarter).

 

POSTED 8:15 p.m. EDT, October 23, 2005

 

CBA DEAL WILL GET DONE

 

There's confidence in league circles that an extension to the collective bargaining agreement will get done, but the feeling is that it will still take some time to make it happen.

 

For the first year of the new deal, which will come in 2006 or 2007, the salary cap per team is expected to be a shade under $100 million, making the league-wide payroll a whopping $3.2 billion.

 

What remains to be seen is whether and to what extent currently unshared revenues will be factored into the formula for determining the team-by-team spending limit -- and whether and to what extent NFL teams will begin to share cash streams that currently are not.

 

The current deal expires after the 2007 season.  Before that, however, the league will endure a season without a salary cap.  Folks from both sides of the bargaining table have acknowledged that, once the cap is gone, it will be virtually impossible to put it back.

 

PACE DONE IN THE DESERT

 

With Cardinals defensive end Calvin Pace on the shelf after suffering severe arm lacerations in a household accident, we hear that his days in the desert are done.

 

We're also told that the team won't be paying Pace the remainder of his 2005 salary after placing him on the non-football injury/reserve list. 

 

The decision to pocket the balance of Pace's $473,750 salary likely is driven by Pace's forked-tongue explanation as to the cause of the injury.  He told the team that he slipped and fell through a window.  As it turns out, he apparently busted through the window while "playing around wrestling" with a friend (not that there's anything wrong with that).

 

Arizona coach Dennis Green won't be "playing around" with Pace.  Guys who make a living off of their bodies need to keep their bodies safe (when, of course, they're not on the field placing their bodies in harm's way).  Pace's actions show that he doesn't "get it" -- and by all indications Green has had it.

 

Pace, a first-round draft choice in 2003, is under contract through 2007.  He's scheduled to earn $642,500 in 2006 and $811,250 in the final year of the deal.  Cutting or trading him next year would result in a $3.205 million cap hit.

 

MADDOX DONE IN THE 'BURGH

 

They wanted to trade him in the offseason, but couldn't find a suitor.  Now that Maddox has stunk up the field in relief appearance a week ago, word is that he won't be back in 2006.

 

It's hardly a shocker.  By next season, starter Ben Roethlisberger will be another year farther along in his development, and there will be no need for a seasoned veteran to serve as part understudy, part mentor.

 

So even though Charlie Batch is under contract for this year only and Maddox has signed through 2007, Batch has a far better chance of wearing black and gold after 2005.

 

Look for the Steelers to take a rookie on the second day of the 2006 draft in the hopes that he can become Batch's successor by 2007 or 2008 as Roethlisberger's primary backup.  We also think that Pittsburgh will continue to be an attractive destination for guys who have had their time as starters and are ready to be paid extremely well to carry a clipboard.

 

POSTED 2:23 p.m. EDT, October 23, 2005

 

SCHOTTENHEIMER SOUR ABOUT LEMON DEAL

 

Earlier this week, we reported that some members of the Chargers' organization were "livid" about the team's decision to trade third-string quarterback Cleo Lemon to the Dolphins.

 

As it turns out, a pretty key member of the operation didn't like it.

 

The head coach.

 

According to Jay Glazer of FOXSports.com, Marty Schottenheimer didn't know about the trade until it happened.

 

To make matters worse, Schottenheimer told the team that he had no idea the trade was coming -- and that he wasn't happy about the decision.

 

This development doesn't bode well for the relationship between Schottenheimer and G.M. A.J. "Smiling is for Pussies . . . and Homos" Smith.  Nor should it. 

 

Really, why in the hell would Smith send a guy packing without at least giving the coach a head's up?  Whatever the excuse, the G.M. failed to give the head coach basic respect.

 

And that's not good.  It's a sign of a power struggle in the organization, and it surely will cause the players and staff to push their loyalties in one direction or the other.

 

Of course, Schottenheimer didn't make things any better by undermining Smith in front of the team.

 

From what we've heard, the Lemon trade has its roots in a tug-o-war between Smith and Schottenheimer regarding former backup Doug Flutie and Lemon.  Flutie was Smith's guy, and Lemon was Schottenheimer's guy.  The team kept four quarterbacks a year ago primarily because the head coach wanted to keep Lemon around.

 

So the decision of Smith to ship to South Florida without telling Schottenheimer is even more of a slap in the head coach's face than it might appear at first glance.

 

The other problem here is that, if Smith is willing to trade Lemon behind Schottenheimer's back, the coach and the team now likely will waste mental and emotional energy worrying about what else Smith is doing.

 

Marty was on thin ice before last year's sudden resurgence, and he was the coach before Smith inherited the G.M. gig when John Butler died.  Our guess, then, is that Smith's next goal is to hire his own head coach.

 

To get there, however, the one who's already there needs to clear out.  And Smith's ability to move Lemon without Schottenheimer's knowledge or input suggests that A.J. is in position to make it happen, if/when he chooses to do so.

 

POSTED 7:36 a.m. EDT, October 23, 2005

 

ED REED MISSED HIS CHANCE TO GET PAID?

 

With Ravens safety Ed Reed potentially missing up to a month with a high ankle sprain, folks around the league are questioning his failure to cash in on his 2004 defensive player of the year performance with a long-term extension.

 

Although it was believed in the offseason that the Ravens were focusing on extending tight end Todd Heap (done) and running back Jamal Lewis (not done) before turning to Reed, whose rookie contract doesn't expire until after the 2006 season, we're hearing that the team made multiple offers to Reed, all of which were flatly rejected.

 

With Reed taking a step backward in 2005, some league insiders believe that he should have struck while the iron was hot.

 

Reed will earn $581,250 in salary this year and $2.15 million in 2006.  And absent an extension to the Collective Bargaining Agreement Reed won't be an unrestricted free agent in the uncapped year of 2007.  Under the current CBA, players with less than six accrued seasons will be restricted free agents in the uncapped offseason.

 

Whether Reed can get back to the form that resulted in one of the best season's in league history for a safety remains to be seen.  Unless and until he does, he'll be hard pressed to get the same kind of deal that he arguably could have gotten if he'd engaged the team in full-blown negotiations in the 2005 offseason.

 

LEWIS STILL WANTS AN EXTENSION

 

Another guy in the Baltimore locker room who wants a contract extension didn't receive any new offers in the offseason -- and isn't likely to see any in the future.

 

Linebacker Ray Lewis has been clamoring for an increase in pay.  The team's general reaction, we hear, has been this simple question:

 

"Based on what?"

 

His performance had declined over the past few years, during which teams realized that he could be neutralized by running blockers right at him.  Lewis blamed his fate on the 3-4 defense that the team was using, which made it easier for offensive linemen to get free and come after him.

 

The problem is that the team's return to the 4-3 hasn't propelled Lewis back to his old form.

 

So Lewis, by all appearances, will be required to live with a contract that pays him $5.5 million in 2005, $5.5 million in 2006, $6.5 million in 2007, and $6.5 million in 2008.

 

By the time the deal expires, Lewis will be 33.  Before then, there's a good chance that the team won't offer him more money, but will ask him to reduce his cap number through a restructuring.

 

And, in the end, a restructured deal could be Ray's tool for creating the appearance that he got his long-coveted raise.  By converting some of his salary in the out years into a signing bonus, the team could tack some phony years onto the deal beyond 2009 or 2010, which would allow Lewis to get some positive press for a deal that, on paper, will be a rim-rocker.  But, in reality, the new contract wouldn't pay him much more (if any more) than he's already set to receive.

 

POSTED 9:20 p.m. EDT, October 22, 2005

 

WEEK SIX "USED FOOD"

 

Another week, another collection of nuggets that were in danger of growing mold in the back of the fridge.

 

1.  Where's Willie?

 

It's amazing how the early weeks of the NFL season can give rise to superstars who, as the reality of a four-month grind settles in, quickly become afterthoughts in the media's constant quest to crown a one-game wonder as the Greatest . . . Player . . . Ever.

 

This year, the shooting star who has fizzled faster than anyone is Steelers running back Willie Parker.

 

He started off like the second coming of Gale Sayers, with 161 yards in little more than a half against the Titans in Week One and 111 yards against the Texans seven days later.

 

In three games since the stellar debut of the undrafted tailback who was hardly a household name during his time with the Tar Heels, Parker has lost his kevorka.

 

In his most recent trio of games, Parker rushed for only 55 yards against New England, a mere 26 against the Chargers, and another 55 against the Jags.

 

So through five contests, Parker is averaging 81.6 yards per game.  Sure, that projects to 1,305 yards for the season.  But if he continues to perform as he has the past three games, he'll end up with barely 900 stripes.

 

And with the Steelers likely to start feeding the ball to a healthy and hungry Jerome Bettis, Parker will have fewer chances to recapture the magic that made him the talk of the AFC in the middle of September.

 

2.  Romo Might Want To Start A Defense Fund.

 

We initially planned not to devote any space to the 60 Minutes interview of linebacker Bill Romanwoski.  Like so many other sports bad boys who claimed they weren't bad at a time when an admission might have harmed their ability to play and get paid, Romanowski is more than willing to 'fess up now that he can write and get paid.

 

But we were intrigued by a couple of things that Romo mentioned during his red-eyed lament that caught our attention.

 

Initially, was it just us or does Romo sound exactly like Rob Bartlett as Brian Wilson from the Imus radio show? 

 

Second, we don't believe for a minute that Romanowski started using steroids or growth hormone or other illegal substances in 2001.  Instead, we think that Romo's confession was carefully tailored so as not to overlap with the period of time covering his criminal prosecution for illegally obtaining phentermine through prescriptions written in his wife's name.

 

Although it appears that Romanowski didn't take the witness stand in a trial that ended in an acquittal on June 29, 2001, our guess is that, at some point in the process, he said something to someone in possession of a badge (such as, "I ain't never used any illegal substances") that would have exposed him to a Martha Stewart-style prosecution if his admitted start date for using illegal substances went as far back as it should have.

 

Indeed, who would believe that Romo began using illegal substances on the heels of a jury trial that accused him of doing so?  "I am just so thankful to the jury that they found us not guilty," Romanowski said weeks before he presumably began blatantly breaking the law.  "I take a lot of pride in being a
good person and being a role model and a lot of that was in question
in the last two years."

 

So if we are to believe that Romo was clean as of June 29, 2001, we also are to believe that he parlayed the vindication of his reputation into an all-out assault on it.

 

Please.

Third, Romo should be expecting to get a nasty-gram from Dave Meggett's lawyer demanding compensation for the admittedly intentional breaking of his finger.  It was the kind of raw and graphic statement that will sell books, but it also was an assault.  Meggett had no way of knowing who had broken his finger at the bottom of the pile until Romanowski confessed.  Arguably, the statute of limitations began to run as of the date on Meggett learned that Romo is the one who broke his finger -- and Meggett likely has at least a full year (if not two) to file suit.

 

The ultimate irony would be for all of the money that Romo earned by coming clean and selling books would go to defending the litigation and settling up with a guy who was one of his victims.

 

3.  NBA Wises Up.

 

Less than a year after the most embarrassing episode in the history of the National Basketball Association, when multiple players entered the stands and beat up paying customers, the NBA is finally getting smart about the things that it needs to do in order to recapture the market share that gradually has eroded since the days of Michael and Magic.

 

We've written in the past about the NFL's desire to avoid experiencing the same alienation of  mainstream fans that the NBA has suffered.  NFL insiders have openly referred to a fear of losing the average, middle-class whites, who are turned off by African-American players behaving badly.

 

The NBA is, by all appearances, attempting to reverse this trend by compelling the players to don attire that projects a more mainstream-friendly image.  And although there have been some scattered complaints regarding the new dress code, the players' union has been conspicuously silent, which means either that the union already has agreed to the dress code or that the union does not intend to argue that it is a violation of the existing Collective Bargaining Agreement.

 

In other words, the union realizes that the move will help to keep the trough from which everyone eats full of green, leafy cabbage.

 

Look, we're not suggesting that wearing blazers instead of bling will prevent incidents like the Pacers-Pistons brawl, or that the move will lure any of the fans who have thrown up their hands in disgust at the words and deeds of NBA players.  But it's a step in the right direction.

 

Falcons quarterback Michael Vick and Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb both have expressed criticism of the rule, even though it doesn't apply to them.  Perhaps both realize that, if the move helps to improve the overall perception of and attitude toward NBA players, the NFL will be next in line to dictate what guys can and can't wear on their way to and from work.

 

4.  Bengals Need To Wake Up.

 

Yeah, they're 5-1 and 1.5 games ahead of the Steelers in the AFC North.  Sure, if they win on Sunday they'll stretch that lead by another full game and be in the driver's seat for a division title.

 

But the Bengals have been sleepwalking of late.  We pointed out several weeks ago their sluggish performance at home against a winless Texans team.  Then the Bengals lost at Jacksonville and followed up the defeat with a game that easily could have resulted in another loss at Tennessee.

 

On closer review, however, it's possible that the Bengals simply aren't as good as advertised.  Their five wins have come against teams with a combined record of 7-19.  And they've yet to beat a team with a winning record. 

 

Now, the Bengals get their first crack at home against a winning team.   Although the remaining schedule points to a 12-4 season even if they lose to the Steelers on Sunday, the Bengals need to show that they can bangle with the big boys or their return trip to the playoffs after a 15-year hiatus will be a one and done affair.

 

5.  Panthers Show Off Their Weinke.

 

After two-plus years on the shelf, Carolina backup quarterback Chris Weinke reminded the NFL that he still has the skills to play quarterback.

 

Entering last Sunday's game with less than three minutes to go and the Panthers training the Lions by six at Ford Field, Weinke coolly took the team 48 yards for the go-ahead score.

 

Weinke remains an NFL oddity.  After giving up on a baseball career, he enrolled at Florida State and won a Heisman at the age of 28.  Drafted in the fourth round by the Panthers, he returned home to Minnesota and won his first career game against a Vikings team that had gone to the NFC title game the prior season.

 

Then the bottom fell out.

 

The Panthers lost a single-season-record 15 straight games -- 14 of which Weinke started -- to finish his rookie season 1-15.  Though the team fared better in 2002, Weinke faded to a 26.2 passer rating in six appearances and was considered barely more than a cap arm when Jake Delhomme arrived in 2003.

 

Now, in a league where most teams can't find two reliable quarterbacks (and some have trouble finding one), Weinke's cameo against the Lions might have earned him a shot elsewhere when his contract expires after the 2005 season.

 

POSTED 4:13 a.m. EDT, October 22, 2005

 

BENSON BLUSTERING ABOUT PRACTICE DIGS?

 

Earlier in the week, the Saints put the wheels in motion to terminate its lease with Louisiana regarding the team's practice facility, citing extensive damage resulting from FEMA's use of the property as part of the relief efforts following Hurricane Katrina.

 

According to WWL-TV in New Orleans, however, the damage to the facility is minimal.

 

"From all indications the site is certainly useable," said Tom Coulon, Chair of the Superdome Commission.  "And we're gonna verify that next week."

 

WWL-TV cameras revealed that the cafeteria has been cleaned, and the weight room (sans weights) and the indoor practice facility are spotless.

 

Frankly, we've grown numb to these stories of Benson and his efforts to B.S. his way out of the Bayou.  He clearly wants to leave, and he obviously will do whatever is necessary to support the decision that he likely made in the days after the hurricane hit. 

 

The NFL was able to sit on his head for roughly a month-and-a-half, but the events of the last week have made it clear that Benson wants out.

 

We're not saying that, in the end, a temporary-or-longer move wouldn't have been necessary.  If much of the population and/or business community doesn't return to New Orleans, there's no way that an NFL team can be maintained there.  But it would have been far more prudent for Benson to put a sock in it until enough time passes to permit decisions to be made objectively and based on all of the facts.

 

Instead, Benson is acting like a spoiled brat who wants to eat his birthday cake while it's still baking.  And as anyone who ever threw a tantrum in front of an oven has learned, if you make enough of a fuss, the whole thing falls flat.

 

SATURDAY AFTERNOON ONE-LINERS

 

Cards DE Calvin Pace might have been less-than-truthful with the team regarding the cause of severe arm lacerations (at least he didn't claim that he tripped over his dog).

 

ESPN's Sal Paolantonio takes an in-depth look at the potential ramifications of Eagles RB Brian Westbrook's desire for more cash and carries.

 

The Turdburglar keeps on talking (and still Tom Benson's lips apparently aren't moving).

 

["Okay, Phil.  Now I want you to say that you think Ray Nagin is gay."]

 

Mooch hasn't decided on a starting quarterback for Sunday at Cleveland.

 

Cards coach Denny Green cut the media's access to practice down to 15 minutes in order to conceal the identity of his starting quarterback on Sunday (this process is much more fun when the coach just lies about a guy's health on the injury report).

 

The Big Show backed off of his efforts to prohibit the players from frequenting Pioneer Square in Seattle.

 

Browns WR Braylon Edwards (arm infection) was upgraded from doubtful to questionable and will be a game-time decision.

 

Steelers G Alan Faneca says that a neighbor once left a pile of dog poop on his porch (Faneca made the identification after touching it, smelling it, and tasting it . . . and he was very glad that didn't step in it).

 

Vikings G "Two-Ton" Toniu Fonoti is down from 404 to . . . 398 (after taking a crap on Alan Faneca's porch).

 

It now costs $7,500 to punch a guy in the pee-pee.

 

Fins S Tebucky Jones could be done for the year if an MRI shows that his pectoral muscle is at least partially town.

 

With QB Steve McNair out due to a back injury, QB Billy Volek will start for the Titans on Sunday.

 

Steelers QB Tommy Maddox and his wife aren't on the same page regarding whether fans have been harassing their kids and/or throwing stuff on their lawn.

 

Falcons RB T.J. Duckett likely will miss Monday night's game against the Jets.

 

No Vikings will be suspended for Sunday's game against the Packers.

 

Giants WR Plaxico Burress missed practice Friday due to a back injury, and he is questionable for Sunday.

 

Who'da thunk that former WVU QB Rasheed Marshall, now with the 49ers, would be returning punts in the NFL before teammate Pacman Jones.

 

Best Buy has said "buh-bye" to two Vikings players who were being paid to sign autographs at the grand opening of a new store.

 

POSTED 9:47 a.m. EDT, October 22, 2005

 

BUSH EYEING WICHARD?

 

A league source tells us that Trojans running back Reggie Bush could be leaning toward hiring agent Gary Wichard.

 

Wichard has a reputation throughout the league for enhancing the draft stock of his clients through relentless promotion of their strengths.  He wouldn't need to do much to polish up Bush, since many already are describing Bush as the next Gale Sayers.

 

For our first crack at connecting agents with college players who likely will be in the draft in 2006, click here.

 

POSTED 8:40 a.m. EDT, October 22, 2005

 

CARROLL EYEING VIKES, PACK, SAINTS?

 

USC coach Pete Carroll, we hear, is monitoring the situations playing out in Minnesota, Green Bay, and New Orleans/San Antonio/Baton Rouge.

 

For the full story on this rumor and two other NFL-related college football scoops, click here to pay a visit to our newly-reconstituted sister site, Collegefootballtalk.com.

 

POSTED 7:54 p.m. EDT; UPDATED 8:22 p.m. EDT, October 21, 2005

 

MIXED SIGNALS ON FINS-CHIEFS

 

As the Dolphins and Chiefs get it on before a limited television audience that doesn't include us or thousands of Chiefs and Fins fans nationwide, we'll do the next best to seeing the game.

 

We'll bitch about not seeing it.

 

The league's handling of this matter is unacceptable.  The NFL moved the game on roughly 30-hours' notice from Sunday afternoon to Friday night, and prohibited DirecTV from sending the game out to customers who have paid good money for the ability to view all Sunday's game.

 

And a straight answer isn't forthcoming from the parties involved.

 

NFL spokesman Greg Aiello explained the reason for the decision not to broadcast the game live in markets beyond Miami and Kansas Ciy/Topeka as follows:

 

"We are not extending the telecast to more markets because we want to adhere as closely as possible to the spirit of our longstanding policy not to conflict with high school and college football during their seasons (which means Friday night and Saturday)."

 

Aiello cited no legal impediments to broadcasting the game nationally, and no exceptions to those impediments that would permit the game to be broadcast locally only.

 

A league source tells us that, despite the NFL's reluctance to cite legal prohibitions to a national broadcast, the league's decision-making in this regard was influenced by a federal law that, in the opinion of the league, precludes national broadcasts on Friday nights or Saturdays during the college/high school seasons but that somehow permits the games to be shown in the local markets of the teams involved.

 

DirecTV is singing a different tune.  In an e-mail sent to one of our readers by Pablo with directvcustomercare@directv.com, Pablo 'splained:

 

"[L]egal restrictions do not allow the NFL to air live games on Fridays or Saturdays without getting waivers from high schools or colleges.  Because of the last minute switch, the NFL and CBS were only able to secure waivers from schools in the Kansas City and Miami local areas and not nationwide."

 

As we've previously explained, the law in question doesn't prohibit broadcasts on Friday night or Saturday from mid-September through early December; broadcasts merely jeopardize the league's antitrust exemption.  And the law in question, as we break it down, applies with equal force in Miami and Kansas City as it does in New York and Albuquerque and Honolulu.

 

But it's now apparent that the driving force for the decision not to broadcast the game is the potential loss of the antitrust exemption.  Multiple readers have advised us that the game currently is being shown in Canada, on channel 432, Rogers Cable, in Ottawa.

 

The end result here, in our opinion, is that the NFL needs to carve out an exception of its "longstanding policy" where games are bumped from Sundays due to hurricanes or other impending national disasters.  If is there's indeed a law that ties the league's hands on Friday nights and Saturdays, the league needs to call in some favors in exchange for all of that that Bush-Cheney-DeLay money and get the law in question amended to permit DirecTV to beam the images to the folks who have paid hard-earned, after-tax dollars for the ability to watch the games. 

 

Meanwhile, we're hearing that some readers have managed to get relied from DirecTV in the form of partial refunds or free programming.  We also have learned that the Dolphins will consider requests for refunds from folks who were unable to attend Friday night's game on a case-by-case basis.

 

NFLPA FORM AVAILABLE

 

In response to e-mail messages that we've received from several readers, we have commissioned our tech guys to transfer the NFLPA's LM-2 form into a linkable file.

 

So if any of you would like to eyeball the publicly-available financial information regarding the NFL players union, click here.

 

Of course, this statement has been made amid published reports that Benson intends to invoke the force majeure clause in the Superdome lease, which would allow him to leave town without penalty.  Also, the team recently notified the powers-that-be in Louisiana that its practice facility is unfit for further use.

 

So we think the statement is a load of hooey, and that someone from the league office twisted Benson's boobies in order to get him to put his name on it.

 

POSTED 8:28 a.m. EDT; UPDATED 9:32 a.m. EDT, October 21, 2005

 

VICK SPIN MACHINE CONTINUES TO CHURN

 

In the wake of the Falcons' decision to demote former starting receiver Dez White to the bottom of the depth chart, league insiders are saying that it's just the latest example of the in-house efforts to excuse quarterback Michael Vick's flaws by placing blame on other players.

 

As one league source told us, "Mora can promote every f--king receiver he wants, and he can go back in time to get Raymond Berry, Jerry Rice, Lynn Swann, and Steve Largent.  It wouldn't matter.  Vick still sucks at throwing the football consistently.  All they are doing down there is making more excuses for the fact that he just isn't that good of a passer."

 

As another league insider put it:  "Coaches and front office people do funny things when they don't want to admit that a player isn't what they figured he would be."

 

On Thursday, Falcons coach Jim Mora did another "funny thing" when asked by a New York reporter about Vick's progress as a "quarterback, per se."

 

"What do you mean, 'per se?'" Mora said, according to The New York Daily News.  "In the mold of Peyton Manning or in the mold of Mike Vick? Because, in the mold of Mike Vick, he's outstanding.  I think it's unfortunate that people always put him in a mold.  Let him be him.  He's a quarterback.  He's a great quarterback.

 

"When are we going to start talking about when Peyton Manning is going to start doing what Mike Vick does?" Mora said.  "Let's flip it.  The guy wins games, and that's the role of a quarterback, to win games.  He doesn't need to do anything.  I think it's ridiculous that people keep asking me that question.  I don't know why people are so narrow-minded that they can't understand why the guy is a great player."

 

Jim, no one is saying he's not a great player.  The point is that he's not a great pocket passer, and cutting Peerless Price or Dez White won't make Vick a better pocket passer.

 

Our guess is that, in time, Brian Finneran and then Michael Jenkins and then Roddy White will be demoted as the revolving door of receivers continues.  And even though Terrell Owens has expressed interest in joining the team, maybe the Falcons realize that they can't credibly blame him when Vick rarely throws T.O. the ball because Vick's first instinct is to pull it down and run when the pocket cracks -- or to throw it to tight end Alge Crumpler when Vick gets toward the sideline.

 

Hell, why not just poop-can all of the receivers and go with two running backs and three tight ends on every play?  If the defense puts corners or safeties on the tight ends, throw them a short pass and let them bowl the guys over.  If the defense uses linebackers, Vick sprints to the outside.

 

We like Mora -- but we'd have a lot more respect for him if he would just recognize what everyone else around the league has already figured out. 

 

And ain't it funny that, as we pointed out in a Thursday Morning One-Liner on Collegefootballtalk.com, that Vick's little brother Marcus doesn't want to be like Mike.

 

Instead, Marcus is emulating Peyton Manning.

 

GREEN LOOKING TO PULL SOME WEEDS?

 

Word out of Arizona is that coach Dennis Green has been deferring much of the actual coaching at practice to his assistants, while Green instead monitors the practice sessions carefully and in detail.

 

The thinking is that Green is looking at whether guys are loafing, in order to determine who is buying in to the program -- and who isn't.

 

At 1-4 in Green's second season, he's not yet on the hot seat but he likely knows that he won't be placed on the Shanahan-Cowher scholarship plan without making it at least to the postseason. 

 

During his early years in Minnesota, Green won games by simply out-coaching opponents.  Green might be realizing in Arizona that he needs a little more talent on both sides of the ball before he can start stealing games in the desert.

ANOTHER TWIST ON THE FINS SAGA

 

A reader in South Florida has provided us with a different perspective regarding the decision to move Sunday's game between the Dolphins and the Chiefs to Friday night, and to televise it only in South Florida and in the Kansas City area.

 

The reader is a season-ticket holder who won't be at the Friday night game because he won't be in town because, you know, a hurricane is coming.  The interstate highways are jammed, and many of the folks who already have paid for tickets won't be hanging around to attend the game in person or watch it on television.

It'll be interesting to see whether the Dolphins offer refunds to people who purchased tickets but who aren't inclined to hang around until late Friday night or early Saturday morning before getting out of Dodge.

 

Our guess is that the position will be that since the game is being played, no refunds will be available.

 

By the way, we've yet to get a response to any of the e-mail messages we sent on late Thursday afternoon/early evening to folks at the league office and at the Dolphins facility asking for an explanation regarding the decision not to make the broadcast of the game available live. 

 

Stay tuned.

 

FRIDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

From the "Hey, When Did They Elect A Catholic Pope?" file, Tom Benson plans to cancel the Saints' lease on the Superdome. . . .

 

. . . . even though the Superdome could be ready to go in 2006.

 

Meanwhile, the NFL has formed a New Orleans Advisory Committee that includes owners Pat Bowlen (Denver), Lamar Hunt (Kansas City), Robert Kraft (New England), Jeff Lurie (Philadelphia), Mike McCaskey (Chicago), Jerry Richardson (Carolina), Dan Rooney (Pittsburgh), and Wayne Weaver (Jacksonville) . . . it's odd to us that none of the California owners and none of the Texas owners are on the committee.

 

Seahawks S Ken Hamlin (head injury) is improving.

 

Saints C LeCharles Bentley missed part of practice on Thursday with a knee injury.

 

LSU is welcoming the Saints with the same open-armed, "So just how long are you staying?" hospitality typically reserved for in-laws and third cousins who married sex offenders. 

 

The next hire for Zygi Wilf will be a personnel director who won't necessarily have "final say" authority (if that's accurate, it's time to scratch Tom Heckert's name off of the list).

 

There must be a lunar eclipse or something, because Jason Whitlock of The Kansas City Star is in one of his rare sense-making modes regarding the decision to move the Chiefs-Fins games to Friday night in Miami.

 

Vikings CB Fred Smoot, fingered by media reports as a ringleader of the S.S. Love Sponge fiasco, is done talking to the media:  "Build me up, tear me down," he said.  "How long is my contract here?  [Six] years?  It will probably be that long before I talk to the media again."

 

From the "Hey, When Did The Sky Turn Blue?" file, Pittsburgh fans are harassing QB Tommy Maddox and his family in the wake of Maddox's Paul Crewe performance against the Jags.  (Editor's note:  We're not suggesting that Maddox was paid to throw the game or that he engaged in any type of wrongdoing.  It was really, really, really windy that day.  And Maddox had eaten popcorn just before fumbling the ball deep in Jacksonville territory on the opening drive of overtime.)

 

Redskins QB Mark Brunell strained his left calf in practice on Thursday, but he is expected to play against the 49ers.

 

The maximum penalty the Vikings can impose for the S.S. Love Sponge affair is a four-week suspension for conduct detrimental to the team -- but you can bet four weeks of your own pay that the NFLPA would fight any discipline vigorously, since the conduct occurred beyond the confines of any team obligation or event.

 

Bucs WR Edell Shepherd faces felony charges for hitting a cop.

 

Jim Trotter of The San Diego Union-Tribune believes that QB A.J. Feeley was acquired to be the primary backup in the postseason.

 

Tom Powers of The St. Paul Pioneer Press has a great take on the Vikings' P.R.-driven code of conduct; here's a quick excerpt:  "Rule 216—B:  'When on a boat and approached by a naked woman, retreat to the poop deck and attempt to contact the Coast Guard.'"

 

POSTED 8:39 p.m. EDT, October 20, 2005

 

BIG SHOW ASKING FOR TROUBLE

 

Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren could end up with a grievance or two on his hands in light of his proclamation that his players are prohibited from entering the Pioneer Square, a restaurant and bar district in Seattle.

 

Safety Ken Hamlin suffered a serious head injury during a Sunday night altercation in the area.

 

But, as we explained last week when Vikes owner Zygi Wilf said that he planned to implement a higher standard of conduct than the league itself has proscribed, the Big Show can't impose his own rules without the consent of the NFL Players Association.

 

Holmgren likewise can't discipline players for violating the rule without inviting a grievance.

 

Besides, these players are grown men, and the last time we checked it is a free country.  Unless and until the collectively bargained rules authorize such measures or the player's individual contract contains concessions by the player that, in exchange for his salary, he will restrict his mobility and association, Holmgren has no authority to tell these guys where they can and can't go when they aren't "working."

 

Whether anyone actually takes him on is a different story.  If no one does, however, how far will this stretch?  Will players be given a list of cities and towns they can't visit in the offseason?  It's a very slippery slope -- and we're convinced that if more coaches try to do this, players or the union eventually will stand up to it. 

 

THURSDAY NIGHT ONE-LINERS

 

The Bengals will begin to pat-down fans entering Paul Brown Stadium on Sunday.

 

It took a nine-inch incision closed by fifteen stitches to clean the infection out of Braylon Edwards' arm.

 

By complaining about the condition of the franchise at the time he purchased it, Zagnut is making himself look like an idiot for giving Red McCombs $600 million for the team.

 

Ron Dayne returns to Giants Stadium in the same shape he was in when he left -- buried at the bottom of the depth chart.

 

Would someone please tell Sterling Sharpe that he doesn't have to yell all the time?

 

This whole Ken Hamlin thing is starting to smell funny to us.

 

Suzi Kolber's boyfriend thinks the Jets need to find a new quarterback.

 

The Raiders' home game on Sunday against the Bills will be blacked out.

 

With the oddsmakers concerned that Vikings players will be suspended for Sunday's game against the Packers as a result of the S.S. Love Sponge, there's no betting line.

 

POSTED 7:30 p.m. EDT, October 20, 2005

 

FINS FANS SCREWED AGAIN

 

The NFL is sticking it to the displaced fans of the Miami Dolphins once again.  Like last year, when a hurricane forced the regular-season opener between the Fins and Titans to be moved from Sunday to Saturday, fans not residing within the local television broadcast area won't get to see the game live on DirecTV.  Or on CBS.  Or on the NFL Network.  Or on ESPN.  Or on any other channel.

 

The carefully-worded statement on the Dolphins' official web site never comes out and says, "Sorry, folks -- we've bent you over and crammed it up your bungholes sideways." 

 

But that's the end result:  The game will be available live on television in the local markets only.  

 

On the radio, the game will be available on Sirius Satellite Radio and through the Field Pass subscription service.

 

Although some believe that the decision not to broadcast the game nationally is the result of a potential violation of "federal law," the reality is that there is no federal law prohibiting this.  Instead, and as we explained in detail in September 2004, Title 15, Section 1293 of the United States Code states that telecasting a pro football game from a television station within 75 miles of any Friday night or Saturday from mid-September through early December jeopardizes the league's antitrust exemption.

 

As we interpret the law, the antitrust exemption arises regardless of whether the game is shown nationally or locally.  If, as there surely will be, high school games are played within 75 miles of any of the Florida or Kansas City-area CBS affiliates broadcasting the game, the critical language of Title 15, Section 1293 is implicated.

 

In fact, because the law speaks in terms of games broadcast from any "telecasting station" within 75 miles of a high school or college game, the prohibition arguably doesn't apply to television images broadcast from, you know, a satellite orbiting the planet.

 

Adding insult to insult is the failure of the NFL to offer any explanation for the decision.  Rich Eisen mentioned the non-availability of the broadcast briefly on Thursday night's Total Access, but then shifted quickly back to a discussion of the hardships that the teams involved will experience as a result of the unexpected acceleration of the game.

 

C'mon, league office.  Plenty of the fans are smart enough to see through this, and everyone deserves an explanation as to why the game won't be seen on live television -- especially those folks who purchased the Sunday Ticket package with the expectation that the Dolphins and Chiefs games would be available.

 

And since the disruption of Miami games due to hurricanes now appears to be an annual phenomenon, shouldn't the NFL be taking steps to protect its fans against being prevented from watching their favorite teams play?  Those billions in broadcast rights packages flows from the fact that people want to watch the games.  So whether it's by lobbying Congress for an amendment to 15 U.S.C 1293 or whether it's through putting the appropriate language in the contracts with the networks, the NFL needs to show a little more sensitivity (okay, a lot more sensitivity) to its paying customers. 

 

POSTED 3:52 p.m. EDT, October 20, 2005

 

AGENTS STILL PLANNING LEGAL ACTION

 

It's been a quiet couple of weeks for the group of agents who plan to undertake legal action in response to several implemented and pending actions of the NFLPA, including the union's decision to de-certify agents who have not negotiated a player contract in three years, the union's mandate that all agents purchase liability insurance, and the move to reduce maximum fees from three percent to two percent.

 

The agents leading the charge are Charles Streich and Alexis Jarrett.  Through a series of passionate yet overly general e-mail messages sent to a broad range of NFL agents (and forwarded to us), Streich and Jarrett have been trying to generate support -- and cash -- for their effort.

 

While most agents with whom we have spoken commend Streich and Jarrett for taking the lead, some have expressed to us concern as to whether either of them has enough juice to make it happen.  Neither appear in the NFLPA's on-line agent directory, so we assume that both were dropped as of October 1, when the three-year rule claimed its first wave of victims.

 

But they aren't giving up.  Jarrett told us on October 12 that the suit is still being planned, with no specific target date for filing.  On Thursday, Streich and Jarrett circulated a new e-mail aimed at generated support -- and cash -- by disclosing the publicly-available salaries of the NFLPA employees and officers.

 

"Did you ever wonder what the dues we pay to 'belong to' the NFLPA are used for?" Jarrett wrote.  "Or what the employees of the NFLPA make?  We researched the Department of Labor's website and found some 'interesting' figures."

 

Attached to the e-mail was the NFLPA's Form LM-2 Labor Organization Annual Report, filed on May 31, 2005.  And the information set forth therein is indeed interesting, to say the least.  

 

We just don't know whether it has any relevance to the issues that presently are in dispute.

 

For starters, the NFLPA knows how to generate cash.  With roughly 1,800 members and $170 million in net assets, the union has is worth more than $94,000 per member.  And the union generated more than $167 million in revenue in the one-year period covered by the report, resulting in a net profit of more than $15 million.

 

For that performance, the key employees of the union are handsomely compensated.  Executive Director Gene Upshaw earned more than $2.3 million in salary, and Assistant Executive Director Doug Allen made more than $420,000 in salary.  General counsel Richard Berthelsen knocked down more than $540,000 in salary.  

 

By our count, 20 other employees also earned six-figure salaries.

 

The report also discloses $9.3 million in deferred compensation, but does not identify who gets it, how much they get, and when they get it.

 

Other interesting tidbits from the report include a disclosure the NFLPA has more than $28,000 in outstanding loans to the NFL Coaches Association, and has guaranteed a $200,000 line of credit held by the NFLCA.  Also, the NFLPA sold off more than $53 million in investments at a total loss of more than $1.3 million, and the report lists an ongoing "examination" by the IRS regarding the "Players Inc." licensing arm of the union.

 

Again, we're not sure whether this info has any connection to the impending lawsuit.  But it could be enough of an eye-opener to prompt some of the agents to develop the appropriate resolve to support the effort by coughing up some of their own money to finance the litigation.

 

POSTED 1:38 p.m. EDT, October 20, 2005

 

DISPLACED FINS FANS TO BE SCREWED AGAIN?

 

Upon learning that Sunday's game between the Dolphins and Chiefs will be moved to Friday night due to Hurricane Wilma, the first thought on the minds of fans who don't like in Florida or Missouri and who plunked down a couple of Franklins for the Sunday Ticket package was whether they'd get the same treatment that fans of the Fins and Titans experienced when a storm forced the 2004 season opener from Sunday to Saturday.

 

For now, there has been no commitment from the league or from DirecTV that the game will be available on satellite or anywhere else, for that matter.

 

"This and other items are being discussed," AFC information manager Steve Alic told us on Thursday afternoon.  "Information will be released."

 

Here's an idea -- in the markets that won't receive the broadcast via the local CBS affiliate, why not show the game on the NFL Network?  Folks who buy the Sunday Ticket package likewise get the NFL's in-house channel, and it would be a nice reward for the cable systems out there who have added the best spot on the dial to its lineup.

 

At a bare minimum, the game needs to be on DirecTV.  As we argued last year, for fans who buy the Sunday Ticket package primarily to watch the Fins or the Chiefs, the failure to include the game robs them of at least 1/16th of the value of the product they purchased.

 

POSTED 9:11 a.m. EDT, October 20, 2005

 

COUGHLIN, LEWIS AT ODDS

 

A league source tells us that there's growing friction and acrimony between Giants coach Tom Coughlin and defensive coordinator Tim Lewis.

 

Lewis, we hear, isn't pleased with Coughlin's efforts to make the defense a scapegoat for the team's struggles.  And there's belief within the organization that Coughlin became a bit jaded with Lewis when he lobbied for head coaching jobs at the pro and college level after one season with the Giants.

 

As a result, some within the building believe that Lewis won't be back in 2006.

 

Given the absence of sufficient candidates for the rash of vacancies that might come open after the season, however, Lewis could be in line to take the next step.  Due to the league's form-over-substance requirement that at least one African-American candidate be interviewed for every head coaching vacancy, Lewis has gotten plenty of play over the past two hiring cycles.

 

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HECKERT, CHILDRESS TRADING WINGS FOR HORNS?

 

There's a rumor making the rounds in league circles that, once the dust settles in Minnesota, Tom Heckert will be the G.M. and Brad Childress will be the head coach.

 

Both Heckert and Childress currently are with the Eagles.  Childress is the offensive coordinator, and Heckert is the V.P. of player personnel. 

 

Since Heckert is under contract through 2009, the Vikings would be able to retain his services only if Heckert is offered "final say" authority over personnel.

 

Vikings owner Zygi Wilf has vowed to clean up the franchise for which he paid $600 million earlier this year.  It's clear to us that, in order to do so, Wilf needs to clean out the coaching staff and front office, and start all over again. 

 

PLAYERS EXPECT McCOWN TO PLAY

 

Although the Arizona Cardinals are keeping quiet about the identity of the guy who'll start at quarterback this weekend against Tennessee, we hear that the players anticipate that the starter will be Josh McCown.

 

Kurt Warner signed a one-year, $4 million contract in the offseason, and he promptly was installed as the starter.  He suffered a groin injury and has missed the last two games.  After former starter McCown led the Cards to their only win of the season in Mexico, some players privately expressed a preference that McCown keep the job, since he's more likely to be with the team in 2006.

 

The Cards would have been 2-0 under McCown if they had been able to run the ball at all against the Panthers on October 9, and given the pathetic nature of the NFC, Arizona could still climb into the race for a wild card berth despite the team's 1-4 record.

 

THURSDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

The Saints are trying to terminate the lease on their Metairie (La.) training facility.

 

Eagles QB Donovan McNabb (sports hernia) says he's not planning to head to Germany for a revolutionary surgery that could allow him to get back on the field within two weeks.

 

["One quick twist, and no more herninia."]

 

Packers RB Ahman Green practiced on Wednesday and appears to be ready to play.

 

Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger defended Tommy Maddox against criticism regarding his horrific performance against the Jaguars (yeah -- now that Maddox is buried deeper than Jimmy Hoffa on the depth chart, Big Ben can make nice with the former starter).

 

The lawyer for Redskins S Sean Taylor plans to seek another continuance of his criminal trial, currently set to commence in four days (gee, maybe they should wait a couple more days to make the request).

 

Lions QB Jeff Garcia took half of the snaps in practice on Wednesday, and coach Steve Mariucci isn't saying whether starter Joey Harrington will be benched on Sunday.

 

Pats LB Monty Beisel might have incurred the wrath of Belichick by blaming the defensive secondary for the team's woes in a radio appearance.

 

The Pats have placed S Guss Scott on IR, and have re-signed CB Hank Poteat and WR Andre' Davis.

 

Despite the apparent efforts of Saints owner Tom Benson to sabotage the process, ticket sales are improving for the team's October 30 game at Baton Rouge.

 

The Dolphins-Chiefs game could be moved to Kansas City due to the looming hurricane.

 

Eagles RB Brian Westbrook wants the team to run the ball more.

 

Broncos LB D.J. Williams calls his DUI arrest a "mistake" (hey, D.J., a "mistake" is when you buy two-percent milk instead of skim -- getting behind the wheel of a car after you've been drinking booze in any amount is a potential crime).

 

The Soup Nazi doesn't like questions about the Giants' lack of a running game.

 

If the Chargers choose Philip Rivers, the Jets could be interested in Drew Brees.

 

POSTED 8:04 p.m. EDT, October 19, 2005

 

TAGS SMACKS BENSON, AGAIN

 

A league source tells us that NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue ripped into Saints owner Tom Benson on Wednesday for his ongoing dalliance with San Antonio.

 

In a call from Tags to Benson, the Commish again accused Benson of attempting to abandon a community in its time of need.

 

Last month, Tagliabue had a similar conversation with Benson, after word broke of his interest in bolting from the Bayou in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.  More recently, the comments of Benson's wooden dummy, San Antonio mayor Phil Turdburglar, and Benson's abrupt termination of team exec Arnold Fielkow, a strong proponent of staying put, apparently forced Tagliabue to intervene again.

 

This time, though, it might have come too late to avoid the point of, literally, no return.

 

On Wednesday, New Orleans mayor Ray "I'm Really Not the Mayor, But No One Has Asked To See My I.D. Yet" Nagin ripped Benson's thinly-veiled efforts to leave the city hanging.  "We want our Saints," Nagin said, "we may not want the owner back."

 

"I'm ready to go to the NFL and toTagliabue and say, 'Give us the Cleveland plan,'" Nagin said.  "Whatever the Saints want to do, you let them leave, but they can't take our logo, they can't take our name, and you give us a promise to give us a franchise when this city's back."

 

In 1995, the Browns moved to Baltimore, leaving the team name, logo and ugly-ass uniforms behind.  The Browns returned in 1999 as an expansion team -- and have played like one ever since.

 

But the NFL might not be ready to add a 33rd franchise.  The current eight-division, four-team structure is working well, guaranteeing fans of each franchise an opportunity to see every other team play at least once in an eight-year cycle.  And with the city's future decidedly undecided at this point, promising a franchise to New Orleans in the future might not be the wisest move.

 

From the league's perspective, the goal surely was to keep this thing from exploding before a prudent analysis of the entire situation can be conducted.  Thanks to Benson and Nagin, the league finds itself dealing with a problem before it's ready to identify a solution.

 

TURNER, CAPERS DEAD MEN WALKING

 

We previously reported that Ravens coach Brian Billick is regarded in league circles as a dead man walking.

 

He now has company.

 

Based on discussions with multiple league sources over the past two days, we've concluded that Texans coach Dom Capers and Raiders coach Norv Turner will get the ax at the end of the season, if not sooner.

 

In Houston, Capers won't be joined in the government cheese line by Texans G.M. Charley Casserly.  Casserly, we hear, has been working hard to keep his gig.  Owner Bob McNair likes Casserly and will give him a chance to hire a new coach.

 

Although the Texans already have embarked on a discreet-but-extensive search for Capers' replacement, word is that the two early favorites are Broncos offensive coordinator Gary Kubiak and Saints head coach Jim Haslett.  Titans coach Jeff Fisher is also in the mix, but the current thinking in league circles is that Fisher will be safe despite a second straight down year in Tennessee.

 

Kubiak has passed on multiple opportunities to step from behind the shadow of Coach Teflon, and there's no indication that Kubiak is ready to take the plunge now.  Still, his ties to Texas -- he was born in Houston and played for A&M -- make him an obvious focal point of the process.

 

Haslett quietly is garnering respect in league circles for his ability to retain his passion in the midst of a hopelessly lost season.  Although his criticism of the decisive yellow flag in the Saints' October 16 loss to the Falcons as a "chicken shit" call will draw a $20,000 fine, Haslett's intensity and drive is admirable -- and folks are taking note.

 

In Oakland, Turner is taking the fall for the team's inability to parlay the addition of Randy Moss into more than one win in six weeks.  Owner Al Davis doesn't drag his feet when the time comes to make a change -- he just pulls the trigger and moves on.

 

There's no word on potential replacements for Turner.  Brian Billick spent a year in Minnesota with Randy Moss, who spoke fondly of Billick after he was gone.  Even though Billick's star has collapsed into a black hole over the past couple of years, he seems to fit the profile for the Black Hole.

 

Another problem, as we'll deal with in more detail as the season continues to unfold, is that there simply aren't enough quality candidates to fill the up to 12 vacancies that could arise.  Of the guys who likely won't be with their current teams in 2005, only Haslett is likely to be an NFL head coach in 2006.  And with only one currently "hot" coordinator (Brad Childress of the Eagles) and with few college coaches qualified or inclined (see Pete Carroll) to make the jump, it could be a strange few weeks as January 2006 unfolds.

 

POSTED 10:54 a.m. EDT, October 19, 2005

 

BUCS WERE LOOKING BEFORE GRIESE GOT INJURED

 

A league source tells us that the Tampa Bay Buccaneers actually commenced their search for another quarterback before Brian Griese blew out an ACL and an MCL on Sunday against Miami.

 

The team, we hear, regarded Griese as "terrible," and the goal was to bring in someone to compete with him for the job as the season continues to unfold.

 

After Griese was injured, the process accelerated, culminating in Tuesday's trade with the 49ers for Tim Rattay.

 

As trade talks were occurring on Tuesday, the Bucs brought in former Tampa starter Shaun King and former Giants backup Jesse Palmer for workouts.  We're told that the Bucs kept Palmer around after his session as a backup plan in the event that the trade for Rattay didn't go through.  In the end, Tampa opted for Rattay over Palmer before of Rattay's experience as a starter.

 

MOSS BETTER OFF IN OAKLAND

 

Some of our sources have told us that one of the main reasons that Raiders receiver Randy Moss is a better citizen in Oakland is due to the fact that he no longer is running with a few of his Viking knucklehead (i.e., The Love Boat) friends that he was chillin' with in the Twin Cities. 

 

Our boys at FootballForecasters.com shed more light on the transformation of good citizen Randy.

 

FINS FOUND THEIR QUARTERBACK OF THE FUTURE?

 

The media initially was confused by reports regarding the trade of quarterback A.J. Feeley to the Chargers for third-stringer Cleo Lemon.

 

Surely, as some members of the media concluded, the Dolphins weren't sending Feeley and a sixth-round pick to San Diego for a guy who was an undrafted free agent.  Surely, it was the other way around.

 

Wrong.

 

Word is that the Dolphins regard Lemon as the guy who can take over the starting job in 2006 -- and hold it indefinitely into the future.  The Fins, we hear, had been scouting Lemon for months.  They regard the deal as a steal. 

 

And they should.  They gave up a six and a guy whom they would have dumped after the 2005 season anyway, especially since his salary is poised to make a significant jump upward in 2006.  

 

In San Diego, the decision to squeeze Lemon out didn't go over well.  A league source tells us that multiple members of the organization were "livid" about the trade.

 

Then again, Lemon was unlikely to take the field in San Diego any time soon, since the Chargers have Drew Brees and Philip Rivers.  Given that Feeley's salary will spike in 2006, our guess is that the team is still toying with the possibility of keeping both Brees and Rivers beyond this season -- and that they regard Feeley's cup of coffee as a chance to determine whether he can be the backup to the one who stays, if the other one goes.  

 

POSTED 10:12 a.m. EDT, October 19, 2005

 

PLAYER PAID FOR PLANE FARE?

 

We've received a tip from a reader in Minnesota that airline reservation records indicate a person with the same name as a Vikings player purchased at least one of the tickets apparently used to transport the entertainment from other states to the Twin Cities for the escapades on the S.S. Love Sponge.

 

If plane fare was purchased for the purposes of transporting a person across state lines for prostitution or illegal sexual activity, a violation of Title 18, Section 2421 has occurred.  The penalty is 1-to-10 years in the hoosegow.

 

There is no indication that federal officials are taking a serious look at a situation in which the letter of the law potentially was violated in blatant and brazen fashion.  Though we're no fans of Martha Stewart, if she was forced to undergo prosecution and incarceration because she told a lie to investigators regarding her stock portfolio, justice ain't just if there isn't, at a minimum, a full investigation into whether and to what extent the law was broken here.

 

And if some hack with a computer in West Virginia can pick up leads on this matter without even trying to do so, we'd like to think that the folks who are, you know, paid to enforce the laws of the land are doing something to determine whether or not a crime was committed.

 

MACKEL TEES OFF ON BENSON

 

In the wake of Hurricane Katrina, Fletcher Mackel of WDSU-TV in New Orleans reported that now-former Saints exec Arnold Fielkow had said that owner Tom Benson plans to use the disaster as the catalyst for moving the franchise out of state.  Benson, at the time, was considering the possibility of refusing to provide refunds to Superdome season-ticket holders.

 

In an e-mail message sent Tuesday to Profootballtalk.com, Mackel speaks out for Fielkow -- and calls Benson a "coward" for firing him.

 

"Fielkow fought to keep this team in New Orleans," Mackel wrote, explaining that, while Fielkow is not a Louisiana native, he quickly understood the importance of the Saints to the city.

 

"Fielkow wanted to work out a master plan with city and state leaders," Mackel said.  "He wanted the franchise to be at the forefront in the rebuilding of New Orleans.  Fielkow was willing to have the team sacrifice in the short term for the greater good of New Orleans, because he realized that if our city is rebuilt properly than the team could reap the rewards in years to come."

 

Mackel is convinced that, with Fielkow now out of the way, Benson will try to move the team to San Antonio.

 

As Mackel recognizes, however, it's not as if Benson can just pull up the stakes and never return.  He needs approval from 24 of 32 owners, and based on what we've heard over the past couple of months it would be an uphill climb.

 

One possible compromise would be to allow Benson to move and backfill the spot with an expansion franchise, as the league did a decade ago when Art Modell moved the Browns to Baltimore.  Frankly, however, we can't envision the league disrupting its current 32-team, eight-division balance by adding a new team.  

 

Instead, we believe that the NFL will force Benson to stay in New Orleans and, in so doing, the league will hope that Benson eventually will sell the team to local interests.  As a worst-case scenario, the league would lean on Benson to sell to Los Angeles interests.

 

"If I was terminated because of my beliefs that the Saints should be back in New Orleans and be part of the city's rebuilding effort, then I can live with that," Fielkow said on Tuesday.  "If others don't agree with that position down the road, then someone else will judge who's right. . . .

 

"I don't have a crystal ball to project into the future, but the greatest wish I have would be for the Saints to come back as soon as possible and play in a first-class building in the 'new' New Orleans and reward the greatest fans in sports with its first Super Bowl trophy."

 

Amen, Arnold.

 

NFL COY ABOUT PLANS FOR SAINTS

 

Despite events that surely will continue to transpire behind the scenes, the NFL is taking a noncommittal stance regarding the Saints' fate, hinting neither that the team will move nor that it will stay.

 

On Tuesday, league spokesman Greg Aiello tried to downplay recent comments by San Antonio mayor Phil Turdburglar (hey, Phil -- it's just a play on words . . . we're not suggesting that you actually burgle turds) regarding Tom Benson's desire to move to San Antonio.

 

"I would be careful about calling that news since it wasn't said by Mr. Benson or anyone representing him," Aiello said. "It was said by the mayor, so I don't know that that's a fact."

 

Aiello is smart enough to know otherwise, but he's also smart enough not to say so.  Benson clearly wants out of New Orleans, as evidenced by the Monday termination of the guy who was working the hardest to come up with a solution.  But the league gains nothing by expressing a preference one way or the other.  If the Saints leave, it'll be far better for the league to cast Benson as the villain.

 

It's one thing for the locals to hate the Saints.  It's quite another for them to hate the NFL.  Because if they despise Benson's team but nevertheless remain interested in the sport, they'll still watch other teams on television, order up the Sunday Ticket package, travel to Atlanta or elsewhere from time to time for games,  and/or buy jerseys, hats, and other paraphernalia of teams other than the Saints. 

 

But while the NFL successfully has muzzled Benson, the old fart is crafty and daring enough to make his intentions known without saying anything.  Why talk when Turdburglar can do it for him -- or when actions (the firing of Fielkow) speak louder than any words that could be funneled through the mayor's mouth?

 

Benson's immediate goal, as we see it, is to ensure that ticket sales for the October 30 game at Baton Rouge remain pathetic, which later will be used by Benson to persuade 23 other owners to allow him to vacate for a town in which all of the seats had asses in them on Sunday.

 

And the other owners are, if nothing else, pragmatic.  Even though the San Antonio demographics suggest that the long-term financial performance of the club might be no better than it was in New Orleans, the real question is when and if it will ever be what is was again in New Orleans.

 

So if, in the end, the powers-that-be decide that it's in the league's best interests to get out of New Orleans, spinmasters like Aiello will be charged with making it look like it was all Benson's doing.

 

POSTED 8:14 p.m. EDT, October 18, 2005

 

VIKES NOT CONCEDING SEASON YET

 

Even as the Minnesota Vikings are reeling from a grossly underachieving season on the field and a hideously embarrassing sex scandal on a lake, it appears that the organization isn't thinking about a looming rebuilding project, but about trying to win the division.

 

Why else would the Vikes send to San Diego a 2006 seventh-round pick that potentially upgrades to a six for a guy who'll be an unrestricted free agent after the season?

 

Coming to Minny is guard Toniu Fonoti, who has missed four straight games with a hand injury that has required two surgeries.

 

Fonoti, a second-round draft pick in 2002 from Nebraska, is making $455,000 in the final year of his rookie deal.  He missed all of the 2003 season due to injury, and he raised eyebrows by missing portions of mandatory minicamps in 2004 and 2005. 

 

Sounds to us like Toniu is a turdiu, and that he'll be right at home with the rest of the flying purple fecal matter in Minnesota.

 

TAMPA BAY GETS RATTAY

 

Two days after starting quarterback Brian Griese tore an ACL and an MCL against the Dolphins, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers have acquired former 49ers starter Tim Rattay in exchange for a conditional draft pick.

 

Rattay leapfrogged No. 1 overall pick Alex Smith in training camp, but was benched after four regular season games.

 

Selected by the Niners in the seventh round of the 2000 draft, the former Louisiana Tech star is making $1.19 million in 2005.  He is under contract through 2006, when he'll earn a base salary of $1.25 million.

 

FINS GIVE UP ON FEELEY

 

Owner Wayne Huizenga declared a year ago that A.J. Feeley might be "another Dan Marino."

 

In hindsight, the only thing that these former Dolphins quarterbacks have in common is that neither owns a Super Bowl ring.  After blowing a second-round pick on Feeley in a 2004 trade with the Eagles, the Fins sent Feeley and a sixth-round pick to San Diego for quarterback Cleo Lemon.

 

The addition of Feeley could be an effort by the Chargers to determine whether he'll be able to serve as a capable backup to the survivor of the Drew Brees-Philip Rivers elimination match.  But even if San Diego keeps Feeley beyond 2005, the Chargers will need to renegotiate a contract that spikes from $540,000 in salary this season to $3.5 million in 2006, $4.55 million in 2007, and $5.6 million in 2008.

 

Lemon, an undrafted free agent from Arkansas State acquired by the Chargers in 2003, is making $305,000 this season and $385,000 in 2006.

 

POSTED 4:25 p.m. EDT, October 18, 2005

 

SINGLETARY A RISING STAR

 

There's a growing buzz in league circles that 49ers linebackers coach Mike Singletary is garnering more and more respect, and that he's on track to be a head coach within the next few years, if not sooner.

 

Players respond well to Singletary, who is getting rave reviews for his work with the Niners.  Even though he has yet to serve as a defensive coordinator, a move straight from position coach to head coach is not unprecedented.  Several years back, Jets coach Herm Edwards made the direct leap from secondary coach with Tampa to top job.  

 

Already a member of the Hall of Fame for his years as a wide-eyed middle linebacker with the Bears, Singletary's genuine Christian values and outlook coupled with fiery intensity could make him a perfect candidate to keep the modern player on track -- and out of embarrassing situations.

 

Are you paying attention, Zagnut?

 

WILF WILL DO HIS OWN THING

 

Speaking of the Vikings owner, word is that Mr. Triple Word Score will not be allowing the league to horn in on his efforts to rebuild the organization.

 

In past years, the NFL has subtly shaped the hiring of key positions through, for example, Joe Bailey's executive search firm.  

 

Wilf, we hear, politely will decline any efforts by the league to hook him up with such league-endorsed services, and Wilf instead will use his own judgment and experience to fill out the front office and the coaching staff. 

 

BEARS TORN ON ANGELO?

 

Speaking of Joe Bailey, who is now a bigwig with the Fins, there are new rumblings regarding one of the guys Bailey helped hire in 2001.

 

When Mark Hatley left the Bears after the 2001 draft, Bailey put together a protracted search effort that included finalists such as Tom Modrak and Phil Savage.  Savage removed his name from consideration when it became clear he wouldn't get the job, and Modrak (who'd recently been dumped by the Eagles) pulled his name out because the process was taking too long.

 

Enter Jerry Angelo, the Bucs director of player personnel.

 

More than four years later, we hear that upper management in Chicago is presently torn regarding the question of whether Angelo should stay or go after the 2005 season.  On one hand, coach Lovie Smith is well-liked by the folks who sign the checks, and Angelo is credited with hiring him.

 

On the other hand, Angelo is deemed to be responsible for two straight seasons with no effective backup plan at quarterback.  On top of that, his first-round picks generally have been flops, with 2002 pick Marc Colombo gone, 2003 selections Michael Haynes and Rex Grossman busts, and 2005 pick Cedric Benson struggling to get going while the tailback taken one spot after him, Cadillac Williams, is a budding star.

 

The Bears' dilemma confirms, in our view, the importance of holding both the head coach and the General Manager to equal degrees of accountability.  Both positions should be filled in the same hiring cycle, and if a change is to be made with one, the change should be made for both.

 

In Angelo's case, he spent the first three years on the job trying to fire coach Dick Jauron and hire his own guy.  If Angelo is replaced, the new guy will want his own guy, too -- which merely encourages friction between him and holdover head coach Lovie Smith.

 

So we'd stick with Angelo until we're done with Smith.  Not because we think Angelo deserves to stay, but because Smith doesn't deserve to have a bull's-eye on his back when the new G.M. arrives. 

 

POSTED 9:07 a.m. EDT, October 18, 2005

 

FIELKOW PLANNING TO SUE BENSON?

 

In Monday night a telephone interview with The Associated Press, former Saints exec Arnold Fielkow expressed disappointment with the sudden termination of his employment.

 

"My family and I are upset and greatly disturbed by today's events," Fielkow said.

 

Fielkow also said that owner Tom Benson's "actions were both unwarranted and unfair."

 

On Monday, Fielkow was summoned to Benson's office and given five minutes to resign.  Benson offered to pay Fielkow the remainder of his contract if, within that same five minutes, he would sign an agreement keeping his dealings with the team confidential.

 

Fielkow refused, and he was fired.

 

Our guess is that Fielkow, a lawyer, is planning to take legal action against Benson.  We sent word through intermediaries on Monday night regarding the possibility of interviewing Fielkow, and we were told that his lawyer has advised him against any further comment.

 

There would be no need to avoid further comment if Fielkow wasn't concerned that "further comment" might be used against him later.  And there wouldn't be a "later" to worry about if Fielkow wasn't planning to take action.

 

At a minimum, Fielkow likely plans to claim that Benson breached Fielkow's contract.  Beyond that, Fielkow might be able to argue that his statements (both internal and external) in opposition to Benson's intention to move the team permanently in the wake of Hurricane Katrina protect him against retaliation under Louisiana law.

 

The move surely will fuel speculation that Benson is working covertly will San Antonio mayor Phil Hardberger to finagle a move of the franchise to Texas, since the possible catalyst of Fielkow's firing were his likely efforts to turn a hose on the emerging Hardberger-Benson alliance. 

 

But we can't see the NFL ever allowing a move to happen.  Before the Saints would leave, the powers-that-be would do their best to find local ownership to buy out Benson. 

 

And even if the end result were a move, it wouldn't be to a second-rate market caught betwixt and between Dallas and Houston.  Instead, the team likely would end up in Los Angeles -- owned by someone other than Benson.

 

HAZ TRIES TO MAKE CHICKEN SALAD

 

Saints coach Jim Haslett has backed off of strong criticism of the officials assigned to Sunday's game against the Falcons.  Previously, Haslett twice referred to the penalty that gave Atlanta a do-over on the game-winning field goal as a "chicken shit call."

 

"I said some things in the heat of battle that I probably shouldn't have said," Haslett said, according to The Associated Press.

"I don't want to get into calls.  For the most part, NFL officials do a great job.  I think [referee] Bill Carollo and his staff have done a good job for the most part.  I just didn't agree with the timing of the last call."

 

Possible translation:  "I know I'm gonna get fined but please, please don't stick it to me because you guys don't like Tom Benson."

 

Expressing regret after realizing that he's surely in the league office's cross-hairs likely won't be enough to avoid a stiff fine.  On Monday, the league hit Redskins coach Joe Gibbs with a $10,000 penalty for referring to "mystery calls" after the team's October 9 loss to the Broncos.

 

If "mystery" merits 10 large, "chicken shit" should get the max -- which per league rules is $100,000.

 

And that would buy a lot of chicken salad.

 

TUESDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

Has Ron Borges of The Boston Globe undergone an organic personality change?

 

With Jay Fiedler's shoulder healing, Jets QB Vinny Flintaverde could be running out of time.

 

Reason No. 134 in support of the firing of the entire coaching staff in Minnesota -- Meathead and company think that quarterback Daunte Culpepper played well in a game that generated a 50.4 passer rating and a measly three points.

 

QB Ben Roethlisberger will start for the Steelers on Sunday at Cincinnati.

 

Jags CB Rashean Mathis is ready for his close up (as soon as he clears that last booger out of his left nostril).

 

Local officials in Minnesota are talking to their counterparts in Atlanta regarding the women who were reportedly flown in for the lust-fest on the lake (Chief Wiggum and company are primarily interested in finding out when the ladies plan to make a return appearance in the Twin Cities).

 

Titans QB Steve McNair was in an automobile accident the night before his team got run over by the Bengals.

 

Eagles DE Jerome McDougle has surgery to repair a hernia caused by scar tissue from his July gunshot wound.

 

From the "Things Vince Lombardi Likely Never Said" file, the Meathead on his current station in life:  "Sometimes you wake up and you say, 'Man, I didn't have anything to drink last night.  I didn't have anything fattening.  So why do I want to puke?'  Then you realize, 'Oh, that's right.' You start remembering what's going on in your life."

 

Marquand Manuel will replace S Ken Hamlin in the Seahawks' starting lineup.

 

Ravens S Ed Reed could miss a month with a high ankle sprain.

 

The Bus needs to make up his mind about whether he wants to be "the guy," or whether he wants to stay in one piece.

 

Ravens coach Brian Billick says that Jamal Lewis is still the team's No. 1 tailback -- even though the stats and the film suggest otherwise.

 

From The Tampa Tribune:  "Bucs running back Michael Pittman and his wife Melissa will be hosting a ladies night out Saturday from 7-9 p.m. at the Ten Pins Lane in St. Petersburg.  The women-only event will feature bowling, food, and a chance to talk football with the Pittmans" (and Michael will be providing valet parking for the event . . . by ramming the vehicles into their spaces with his Hummer).

 

The Vikings are encouraging fans to donate household goods and "gently used clothing" to the United Way (insert your own Love Boat joke here).

 

We've got an exclusive photo of the hit that ended the season for Bucs QB Brian Griese:

 

[thx sean]

 

Brian the Brain disputes a report that he recently told players that he'll walk away with $20 million if he is fired at the end of the season; Billick says that tapes of his meetings with players "would verify [I] never said [that] in the context that that was presented."  (Sounds to us like he said it.)

 

Jets C Kevin Mawae is done for the year with a torn triceps.

 

Broncos LB D.J. Williams was arrested on September 23 for DUI.

 

The playing status of Raiders WR Randy Moss (groin, ribs) is uncertain.

 

'Skins coach Joe Gibbs is miffed that his team is an 11.5-point favorite against the 49ers.

 

Another day, another first-round bust for the Bears.

 

POSTED 7:40 a.m. EDT, October 18, 2005

 

PFT TEN-PACK:  WEEK SIX

 

In a week in which several pro football teams worked overtime in pursuit of excellence . . . well, we'll stick with our same old five-and-five routine.

 

First, five game-related takes.

 

1.  Wilf Should Shed The Meathead, Now.

 

Several weeks back, Vikings owner Zygi Wilf made it clear that head coach Mike Tice would finish the season.  The reasoning was that, in the watered-down NFC North, the Vikings still had a chance to turn things around, even after a dismally disappointing start to a season in which they were supposed to make it back to the Super Bowl after a 29-year hiatus.

 

And now, for those very same reasons, it's time to make a change.

 

The problem is that the Vikes simply are not responding to Tice.  Scoring only three points against the Bears after a bye week is inexcusable, especially with the firepower that the Vikings supposedly possess.  Allowing 28 to those same Bears is even worse, especially in light of the cash infusion aimed at beefing up a traditionally porous purple D.

 

And why aren't they responding?  Even though Wilf says that the Meathead will finish the year, he has no contract beyond 2005, and no one expects him to continue to be employed by the team after January 1, 2006.

 

So even though there is no suitable in-house candidate to take the thing over, we think that Zygi should still get rid of Tice bring someone else in with the express understanding that he'll have the job only for the balance of the season.  The new coach would be promised a big bonus if he can guide the team to a playoff berth, with additional boni available for postseason wins (okay, stop laughing).

 

Whom would we call?  First, Jim Mora, Sr.  Second, Marv Levy.  Third, Chuck Noll.  Fourth, Dan Reeves.

 

Mora would bring instant credibility to the locker room because of his son's success with the Falcons.  Levy would be able to press some buttons and get some results, and he's been itching for years to get another shot.  Plus, he knows a thing or two about comebacks. 

 

We mention Noll simply because we're amazed that no one ever gave him another sniff after his career in Pittsburgh ended at the age of 60.  And we put Reeves on the list since he was the coach of the winning team in the most significant game played in Minnesota since the 1976 NFC title game.

 

After the 2005 season, Wilf then should blow up the whole thing and start over.  As Peter King suggested in his most recent Monday Morning Quarterback column, Wilf should offer "final say" authority (and a truck full of $20s) to Scott Pioli of the Pats.  In our view, Pioli should then make a move to get Kirk Ferentz of Iowa to coach the team up.

 

We know that Zygi already has said that he won't fire Tice, and that Wilf likely isn't inclined to do an about-face.  But Tice has, by all appearances, regarded the assurance of continued employment as a scholarship -- but with the team still only a game out of first in the NFC North with five division contests left, there's still hope for turning the thing around.

 

And a turnaround could still occur, but only if Wilf gets rid of Tice.

 

2.  Moss Lollygags Before Popping Groin.

 

There's all kinds of karma springing up in the NFL of this year, and one prime example of it played out in Oakland on Sunday.

 

Never a big fan of contact, receiver Randy Moss made a half-assed effort to tackle Chargers corner Bhawoh Jue (gesundheit) after Jue made a first-quarter interception.   

 

So later in the half, Moss got rocked while trying to make a catch.  He suffered groin and rib injuries when he came down, marking only the second time he has been knocked out of a game in his career.

 

A year ago, a hamstring injury caused the Vikings' season to unravel.  In Oakland, a once-promising campaign already is lost, and things only will get worst if Moss misses any games.

 

And if he quits lollygagging.

 

3.  Bulger Gets Blown Up.

 

Attention all quarterbacks.  When you throw a pick or when someone fumbles, don't -- we repeat, don't -- go try to make the tackle.

 

The goons on defense can't come and flatten you if you stay away from the action, and for the same reason that you're supposed to run out of bounds or slide when running the ball, you should stay away when a guy with the other colored jerseys ends up with it. 

 

Marc Bulger made the mistake on Monday night of moving generally in the direction of the guy who had intercepted one of his passes in the first half.  When he did, 230-pound linebacker David Thornton went straight at him.

 

Recognizing that he was taking an unnecessary (and stupid) risk, Bulger tried to bail out and turn away from the contact with a "don't hurt me, I play quarterback" move.  But he still got leveled, and he came up grabbing at his right collar bone.

 

At that point, Bulger was done for the night.  And so were the Rams.

 

4.  Zebras Screw Rams.

 

No, we're not referring to some sort of bizarre documentary on Animal Planet.  But the events that played out on Monday night near the St. Louis goal line were nearly as unwatchable.

 

With the Colts driving for a touchdown and losing 17-0, running back Edgerrin James put the ball on the FieldTurf.  Rams corner Corey Ivy jumped on it, and umpire Roy Ellison emphatically indicated that Ivy had made the recovery.

 

And by "emphatically," we mean that Ellison signaled that the Rams had the ball with his hand not once, or twice, or seven times.  Ellison's hands (left and right) pointed in the Rams' direction a whopping eight times as a scrum for the ball ensued at his feet.

 

Referee Gerry Austin then stepped in and suggested that Ellison might be wise to ix-nay the ointing-pay.  After the pile of bodies was unraveled (and after someone undoubtedly had grabbed and twisted and gouged Ivy's Touch-Me-Nots until he let go of the ball), Austin indicated that the Colts still had the ball.

 

But Ellison wasn't done.  Defiantly, he signaled that the Rams had the ball a second or so thereafter.

 

To no surprise, the sock puppets failed to properly explain sort the thing out.  Mistakenly interpreting Peyton Manning's "miked up" insistence that it was "blue ball" as an argument that it was "dual" possession, Michaels and Madden said the zebras had ruled that James and Ivy both had the ball at the same time.

 

Wrong.  Ellison saw that Ivy had the ball on the ground, before a pile formed.  But Austin awarded possession to the team that emerged from the nut-twisting, eye-gouging pile with the ball.

 

We're amazed, frankly, that Austin didn't confer with Ellison as to why Ellison so firmly believed that the Rams had secured possession.  If, after all, one of the zebras can plainly see that a guy has the ball in his gut, why should the eleven guys from the opposing team have the ability to squish and squash him until he gives it up?

 

We're not saying that the Rams wouldn't have eventually pissed away their 17-point lead even if the Colts hadn't kept the ball and scored their first seven points of the game.  But it didn't make it any easier for the Rams to hold it together when Austin arbitrarily ignored his umpire and left the ball in the hands of the Colts.

 

5.  The Maddox Paradox.

 

An injury to Tommy Maddox last September opened the door on the Ben Roethlisberger era in Pittsburgh.

 

And an injury to Big Ben 13 months later might have been enough to end the Tommy Maddox experiment.

 

Maddox was dreadful on Sunday against the Jags.  Dreadful might not be strong enough of a word.  He was awful.  Pathetic.  A far cry from the guy who came off the bench three years ago against the Browns and knocked Kordell Stewart to the sidelines for good.

 

But even more ridiculous was the failure of Coach Chin to give Maddox the hook at some point during his bad-and-getting-worse performance.  After the game, the Chin Man didn't want to talk about the decision to stick with Maddox because, as he said, it was irrelevant.

 

Sure, Bill.  Whenever you screw something up, there's no point talking about it at all, because the damage has already been done.

 

Is it any wonder that this guy usually falls apart when it's time to win a key playoff game at home?

 

Of course, the way his team has been playing of late, Cowher won't have to worry about blowing any postseason home contests this year.

 

Now for five non-game takes:

 

1.  Mum's The Word For The Playmaker.

 

Finally, Michael Irvin was in a position to comment on Sunday regarding a topic with which he has direct, first-hand experience:

 

The S.S. Love Sponge.

 

It was a rare opportunity for the Playmaker to address the problems that behavior of this nature can cause, and the manner in which such rampant excess in Big D might have contributed to the premature decline of the Cowboys' dynasty.  Remember folks -- they still had a healthy trio of triplets in 1996, 1997, and 1998, but they got no farther than the divisional round after winning their their Super Bowl in 1995.

 

But Irvin had little to offer to the discussion, other than to say that the guys involved will have some 'splainin' to do at home.

 

And as he proved during Monday Night Countdown, it's not as if Irvin is disinclined to talk about personal matters.  Addressing Tedy Bruschi's decision to return to football less than nine months after suffering a stroke, Irvin said that he retired from the game after being diagnosed with a narrowing of the spinal column because he didn't want his family to worry about him.

 

Hey, Mike.  The next time you get a chance to talk about the potential perils of vices like, you know, a guy having casual sex with women other than his wife or significant other (or both), we hope you'll open up in the same way that you did when telling the football-viewing world that you walked away from the game because (sniff, honk) it would have been too hard on your family if you had kept playing. 

 

2.  Kyle Goes Through Puberty.

 

In an image that reminded us of another young Bears quarterback from years gone by, rookie Kyle Orton sported some peach fuzz on his lip against the Vikings on Sunday.  We think it was a moustache.  But it's possible that he merely had been drinking chocolate milk before the game.

 

Five years ago, then-Bears quarterback Cade McNown sported equally cheesy face fur during his first season as the full-time starter.  He reminded us of Cary Elwes in The Princess Bride.

 

Orton, in contrast, looked like Tom Green.

 

The one thing that the four of them have in common is that, within five more years, all will be selling flat-screen televisions at Target.

 

3.  Jimmy Returns.

 

We assumed, erroneously, that the powers-that-be at ABC decided a week ago to pull the plug on the horrendously unfunny Jimmy Kimmel segments during halftime of Monday Night Football.

 

As it turns out, Kimmel merely was bumped during the Steelers-Chargers game in order to give more face time to California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.

 

So this week Jimmy was back, and his 60-second spot was re-tooled for the 23rd time in only six weeks.

 

In its lastest version, the bit was delivered in the form of the in-studio monologue from Kimmel's nightly snooze-fest, complete with awkwardly mis-timed laughter from a group of folks who likely showed up because someone was holding a sign on the street that said "free lasagna."

 

Jimmy's take related to coaches with moustaches.  We almost laughed at one point, until we realized how contrived and forced the whole thing still feels.

 

Give it up, Jimmy.  Isn't it better to have a bad talk show that no one really knows about than to give millions a glimpse during halftime every Monday night of how bad it really is?

 

And before any of you send us e-mails defending Kimmel, please go to the bathroom, look in the mirror, and ask yourself:  "How long has that zit been there?"  Then ask yourself, "At precisely what point in history did I cease to have any semblance of a life?"

 

4.  Romano Versus Cheadle.

 

In contrast to the chronically unfunny Jimmy Kimmel bit, whoever came up with the pregame skit involving Ray Romano and Don Cheadle deserves an Emmy.  We didn't realize how much we missed Romano's show until we saw his same quirky, goofy shtick interacting with Cheadle regarding the phony MNF spot Cheadle was filming.

 

And when the discussion between Romano and Cheadle escalated to an argument and then to a knock-down, drag-out, we were laughing our asses off, especially at the dialogue, which included Romano taunting Cheadle as an "Oscar loser."

 

But it was hard not to regard the faux brawl as somewhat ironic, given that the spot was being aired the night after Bill Romanowski addressed his string of violent behavior during an interview in which he admitted to using steroids, the night before the release of a video game that celebrates off-field problems like bar fights, and on the same day that Seahawks safety Ken Hamlin suffered a fractured skill and a subdural hematoma after being beaten up outside of a Seattle night club.

 

5.  Bruce Has A Screw Loose?

 

We generally like Rams receivers Isaac Bruce and Torry Holt, primarily because they don't feel the compulsion to draw excess attention to themselves because they can run and catch footballs.

 

But we got a little freaked out by Ike on Monday night when cameras captured images of the veteran wideout muttering to himself for a good 15-to-30 seconds. 

 

There he was, standing in street clothes on the sidelines due to a toe injury, no one standing next to him, and talking.  Non-stop.  Talking. 

 

Not to anyone.  Just to himself.

 

It wasn't quite as embarrassing as those shots of George Costanza gobbling up a hot fudge sundae at the U.S. Open, but it sure made us wonder what makes Bruce tick.

 

Then again, maybe we don't wanna know.

 

POSTED 5:57 p.m. EDT; UPDATED 6:06 p.m. EDT, October 17, 2005

 

FIELKOW FIRING MEANS SAINTS LEAVING?

 

WWL-TV in New Orleans reports that the Saints have fired Vice President of Administration Arnold Fielkow on Monday.

 

The move could mean that the team has played its last game in New Orleans.

 

Last month, Fielkow spoke out regarding the plans of owner Tom Benson to leave New Orleans in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.  Benson initially planned to force the issue by refusing to provide refunds to Superdome season-ticket holders.  The NFL quickly sat on Benson, getting him to abandon the notion of bolting the Bayou in its hour of need. 

 

More recently, Benson has been, by all appearances, using San Antonio mayor Phil Hardberger as his surrogate.  Hardberger (scroll down for more) has said that he wants the Saints to move permanently to San Antone, and he described the team's efforts to sell tickets to a quartet of games in Baton Rouge a "disaster."

 

Fielkow, we can only surmise, chose to speak up again.  This time around, however, Benson apparently opted not to react kindly to the reminder that he is riding down the street buck-naked on the back end of a burro.

 

POSTED 5:40 p.m. EDT, October 17, 2005

 

HAMLIN IN SERIOUS BUT STABLE CONDITION

 

The Seattle Seahawks have announced that safety Ken Hamlin is in serious but stable condition after suffering a skull fracture due to an "assault."  He is being described as "the victim of a crime."  No further details were provided regarding the incident that resulted in Hamlin's injuries.

 

Hamlin has a blood clot on his brain and bruising, which doctors will monitor over the next 24-to-48 hours in order to determine whether the clot will grow.  For now, surgery is not expected.

 

Hamlin is doing a lot of sleeping, and when awake is confused.

 

The veteran safety also has a fracture of his right hand.

 

Radio reports from Seattle indicate that the injuries were the result of an altercation at an area night club after the Seahawks' 42-10 win over the Texans. 

 

POSTED 4:47 p.m. EDT, October 17, 2005

 

HAMLIN HOSPITALIZED

 

Jose Romero of The Seattle Times reports that Seahawks safety Ken Hamlin was admitted to an area hospital late Sunday or early Monday with injuries that apparently were not sustained in Sunday night's home win over the Texans. 

 

A reader tells us that Seattle radio stations are reporting that Hamlin was struck over the head with pipe during a fight at a night club.

 

The team, per Romer, plans to issue a statement later in the day on Monday.  The issue undoubtedly will be addressed by coach Mike Holmgren in a press conference due to commence at 5:15 p.m. EDT.

 

POSTED 4:37 p.m. EDT, October 17, 2005

 

FLOZELL FINISHED

 

Cowboys left tackle Flozell Adams has a torn ACL and will miss the remainder of the 2005 season.

 

Dallas coach Bill Parcells hasn't decided how to fill the considerable void created by Adams' absence.  "I don't know what we're going to just yet," Parcells said.  "We'll see.  Flozell was playing pretty good.  A little up and down.  But that's a tough position to play."

 

The trade deadline is Tuesday, and there aren't many game-ready left tackles sitting around on NFL rosters.

 

The Cowboys got some good news on Monday when it was learned that receiver Patrick Crayton's ankle (contrary to our report from Sunday evening) isn't broken.  Crayton's availability for the balance of the season, however, remains in question.

 

BUCS LOOKING TO MAKE A DEAL?

 

We're told that Tampa quarterback Brian Griese has a torn ACL, and that the team knows it.

 

So why is coach Jon Gruden acting like Griese might get some good news through additional testing?

 

"It is right now a twisted knee, a sprained knee. Whether it's more serious than that, we'll find out," Gruden said.

"It could be a few weeks, it could be the end of the season.  We' don't know for sure.  I'll just sit here and wait until I'm told the extent of this injury." 

 

Our guess is that the Bucs are trying to pooh-pooh the extent of the Griese injury in order to appear a bit less desperate as they explore possible moves in advance of Tuesday's trade deadline.  Leverage is important to any business transaction, and if the Bucs seem too anxious to get another arm, the price of that arm will go up.  

 

So look for Gruden to continue to play it cool on the outside, even as he tries to find someone/anyone to take over the offense.

 

With that said, it's not as if there's a glut of quarterbacks available.  And it's always hard for a new guy to come in and learn a new system, especially in October.

 

Besides, teams that go two-deep at the position usually aren't inclined to ship a guy out of town, since the backup is, as the Bucs have learned, always one play away from taking the thing over.  

 

The Steelers are one of the few teams that have three quarterbacks with starting experience, and we have a funny feeling that, given his performance on Sunday, they might be willing to entertain offers for Tommy Maddox.

 

POSTED 1:30 p.m. EDT, October 17, 2005

 

BRIAN'S SONG?  TORN ACL

 

A league source tells us that Tampa quarterback Brian Griese has been diagnosed with a torn ACL in his knee, and will miss the rest of the season.

 

So enter Chris Simms, the underachieving third-rounder who did a decent job after Griese was hurt.  Bucs coach Jon Gruden likely will bring in a veteran backup (Rich Gannon, are you out there?) to assist in the sudden grooming of Phil's boy.

 

The 2005 Bucs are relying on a running game and a still-effective defense.  So it won't take a Hall-of-Famer to continue the march to the postseason in a watered-down NFC.  But if Tampa hopes to win games in January, it'd be nice to have a guy who can whiz the pig.

 

POSTED 7:59 a.m. EDT, October 17, 2005

 

PARCELLS PISSED DESPITE WIN

 

Word out of Big D is that Cowboys coach Bill Parcells was red-hot at his team after Sunday's 16-13 overtime win against the Giants.

 

The win pushed the 'Boys to 4-2, good for first place in the NFC East.  But that's not good enough for the Tuna, who wants better overall performance out of his team, whether they score more points or less points than the other team.

 

The Cowboys had held the Giants to only six points until the last 25 seconds, when quarterback Eli Manning hit tight end Jeremy Shockey with a 24-yard touchdown pass.

 

BENSON TRIES OUT VENTRILOQUISM

 

You'd think it would be getting hard for San Antonio mayor Phil Hardberger to talk with Tom Benson's hand in his ass.

 

But Benson and Hardberger are turning out to be an effective Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy (or is it Mortimer Snerd?) combination when trying to finagle a permanent move of the Saints from New Orleans to the Alamodome.

 

Before the season, Benson raised the possibility of relocating from one undersized market unable to sell out a stadium on a regular basis in a state with no other NFL franchises to another undersized market unable to sell out a stadium on a regular basis in a state with two other NFL franchises.  Now, with the NFL effectively muzzling Benson, the message is being disseminated by his good buddy Hardberger.

 

"He [Benson] understands that we will sit down and talk," Hardberger said during Sunday's Saints-Falcons game, which he viewed from Benson's suite.  "That is his desire as well.  I'm pretty comfortable in saying he wants to be here."

 

In case anyone misunderstood that, Mayor McCarthy gave it another shot:  "I think Tom Benson would like to stay here permanently and I, as mayor of San Antonio, would like to have the team stay here permanently."

 

Benson denied comment.  Or, more accurately, he wouldn't talk with his lips moving.

 

["Hello, Commissioner?  Tom Benson here.  My friend Hardberger has a few things he'd like to say.  It's not me talking, it's Hardberger.  Okay?"]

 

The Saints could be able to bail out of their Superdome lease by invoking the force majeure clause in the contract by November 29.  Even if the Saints don't try to cancel the deal based on the damage inflicted to the venue by Hurricane Katrina, Louisiana likely will be forced to default future payments due under the sweetheart corporate welfare deal that Benson finagled in 2001.   

 

Look for this thing to get ugly as the last weeks of 2005 unfold.  The NFL firmly believes that it and the Saints need to renew their commitment to the region in the wake of one of the worst natural disasters in the nation's history.  The Commish would like to move the Saints' 2006 games to Baton Rouge as the Superdome is repaired.  Such an arrangement could extend into 2007 or longer if the Superdome needs to be replaced.

 

The problem is that the Saints aren't selling many tickets for their October 30 game at Baton Rouge, which features the return to Louisiana of former LSU coach Nick Saban and former Saints running back Ricky Williams.  So it's hard to imagine the Saints being able to sell out cavernous Tiger Stadium on a consistent basis -- or ever.

 

We still don't think that the Saints should get too excited about a permanent move to San Antonio.  Sure, they managed to sell out Sunday's game against the Falcons.  But many of those tickets were purchased before the Saints played 52 cough-up at Lambeau.  And we've got a feeling that more than a few of the tickets purchased this past week were bought by fans interested in seeing the perp with the herp, Falcons quarterback Ron Mexico.

 

Even if the NFL would allow the Saints to leave Louisiana, the last destination the owners would approve is San Antonio.  The worst-case scenario, as we see it, is that the league would arrange a buyout of the Bayou bumblers by SoCal interests, which would permit the team to be shipped to Los Angeles with new ownership.

 

MONDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

Patrick Reusse of The Minneapolis Star Tribune aptly summarizes the practical realities of Minnesota's 28-3 loss:  "Mike Tice has never coached a road victory against the Chicago Bears, and with the Vikings, he never will."

 

Another gem from Reusse:  "This was so pathetic that the Vikings were not able to continue a tradition they had established in previous road games:  the glorious consolation touchdown."

 

Bucs RB Michael Pittman thinks he shouldn't be fined for slowing down on his run to the end zone as Fins DE Jason Taylor, unbeknownst to Pittman, was closing in to stop him (and if Taylor had caught up, it might have looked like something like an H2 crashing into a Mercedes).

 

"Hey, Leinart -- pick up the phone.  It's some guy from Houston."

 

Not even the Great Gazoo could've helped Vinny Flintaverde on Sunday against the Bills.

 

Coach Chin says that he thought about changing quarterbacks during Sunday's loss to the Jaguars, which was fueled by a terrible performance from backup Tommy Maddox.

 

Pats rookie OG Logan Mankins was ejected for punching Denver DE Ebenezer in the Ekubans.

 

Bengals WR Chad Johnson had planned to do a little square dancing after he scored on Sunday, but decided against it when the time came.

 

Titans CB Pacman Jones gets a "no" on Chad Johnson's list of cornerbacks who tried to cover him (and the Titans would be far better off if Jones also had gotten a "no" when the time came to use the sixth overall pick in the draft).

 

Giants rookie RB Brandon Jacobs coughed up the ball from the Dallas 3-yard line on Sunday.

 

Megan Manfull of The Houston Chronicle thinks that the glass is 1 percent full for the Texans' defense.

 

Texans LG Steve McKinney, moved from center, continued to make the offensive line calls.

 

Dolphins rookie Channing Crowder played like one on Sunday.

 

Miami has no interest in trading RB Ricky Williams.

 

The Broncos are trying to avoid complacency regarding their impressive 5-1 record.

 

The Jets lost C Kevin Mawae and CB Ty Law to injury in Sunday's loss to the Bills.

 

A rash of injuries along the offensive line hasn't hurt the Chargers.

 

The Vikings used a 3-4 defense for much of the game on Sunday (and they'll likely stick with it, since they held that high-octane Bears offense to only 28 points).

 

POSTED 8:47 p.m. EDT, October 16, 2005

 

CHANGES COMING FOR PATS?

 

A league source tells us that Patriots coach Bill Belichick could be shaking up the roster in the wake of Sunday's 28-20 loss at Denver, the third straight game in which the Pats have given up 28 or more points.

 

Belichick, we're told, considered making changes on the defensive side of the ball following an October 2 home loss to the Chargers.  A 31-28 win at Atlanta won the defense a temporary reprieve.

 

But with another 28 points surrendered through an assortment of long plays, the expectation now is that Belichick will commission V.P. of player personnel Scott Pioli to start scouring the shelf for some guys who can help provide an upgrade on defense, especially in the secondary.  We hear that the moves could include an effort to swing a trade for a corner or a safety prior to the October 18 trade deadline.

 

One team that might want to consider a fire sale is the ice-cold Vikings.  Cornerback Antoine Winfield received $10.5 million when he joined the team in 2004, but since the money was in the form of a roster bonus, the Vikes would incur no cap charge if they ship Winfield out of town.

 

In return, the Vikes could snag some draft picks, which could then be used by the new front office for the new coaching staff in an effort to add some new guys who aren't turds.

 

Another possibility for the Vikings would be to trade safety Corey Chavous, who's in the final year of his contract with the team.

 

So don't be surprised if the Pats are looking to do some bidness before the trade deadline -- and don't be shocked to learn that the Vikings might be willing to help New England provide some of the talent for which the Pats are searching, and that they likely won't find available elsewhere.

 

CRAYTON'S ANKLE IS BROKEN

 

Although published reports say that the ankle of Cowboys receiver Patrick Crayton "likely" is broken, we're told that the ankle is indeed snapped.

 

Crayton, an undrafted free agent, had conjured memories of another undrafted pass-catcher from years past -- Drew Pearson.  For weeks, he held off Peerless Price for the No. 3 spot on the depth chart.

 

Price likely will step in for Crayton as he recovers.

 

POSTED 6:34 p.m. EDT, October 16, 2005

 

HAZ BASHES ZEBRAS

 

After the Falcons got a do-over on a game-winning field goal try when the officials flagged defensive end Tony Bryant for holding well away from the play, Saints coach Jim Haslett described the move as a "chicken shit" call. 

 

(Editor's Note:  We only use dashes for our profanity.)

 

Obviously, Haz will get a letter from the league this week, including a request that Haslett make a five-figure contribution to the Human Fund.

 

Fines for criticizing officials can range from $20,000 to $100,000.  Already this season, the league office stuck it to Coach Teflon to the tune of 20 large for complaining about a penalty called when extra players entered the field of play, well away from the action, during a punt return for a touchdown.

 

Tef said it was a "horrible" call, and that "you don't see a lot of calls like that in high school."

 

It'll be interesting to see what the league does to Haslett.  We've previously reported that the league office and many owners aren't particularly fond of Saints owner Tom Benson, and there's a school of through in league circles that the NFL might be trying to squeeze Benson into selling the team through a chronic effort to smack Benson and his organization on the knuckles through the seemingly legitimate exercise of discretion.

 

So Haslett, who used the "chicken shit" term multiple times at a postgame press conference, could end up with a big fine -- due both to the use of a curse word and due to the league's disdain for Benson. 

 

The Saints and their fans arguably can gripe about plenty of other calls that went against them in their first San Antone sellout.  With the city's mayor recently calling the team's efforts to sell tickets to a trio of games in Baton Rouge a "disaster," and with some league insiders suspecting that the comments were made at best with Benson's knowledge or at worst at his urging, we wouldn't be surprised to learn that the bad calls trace to the bad blood that has been boiling between Benson and the powers-that-be.

 

POSTED 5:33 p.m. EDT, October 16, 2005

 

BRUSCHI CLEARED TO PRACTICE

 

The Human Valium announced during Sunday afternoon's Pats-Broncos broadcast that the New England Patriots have issued a statement regarding the status of linebacker Tedy Bruschi.

 

Per the team, Bruschi has received clearance from team doctors and external specialists to return to football, notwithstanding a February stroke that, at the time, put his playing career in serious jeopardy.  Bruschi also underwent surgery in the offseason to repair a hole in his heart.

 

Because the team put him on the Physically Unable to Perform List and not on injured reserve, Bruschi is eligible to return to practice this week.  The Pats have three weeks to either activate him or to end his season by shifting him to IR.

 

POSTED 12:49 p.m. EDT, October 16, 2005

 

WILF PLANS FULL-TIME FOCUS ON VIKINGS

 

Jay Glazer of FOXSports.com reports that Vikings owner Zygi Wilf plans to focus full-time on his new football team as he attempts to get control of an out-of-control situation in Minnesota.

 

In a 90-minute meeting with Commissioner Paul Tagliabue on Sunday, Wilf said that he will set aside his other business interests for now, and he will begin to beef up the football operation.

 

Tagliabue acknowledged that Wilf "inherited a staff that lacked structure, discipline and accountability."  (So does that qualify Zagnut for a refund?)

 

Wilf already has hired a new director of security, a position which inexplicably was eliminated under former owner Red McCombs.  Our guess is that Wilf will continue to fill in any vacant positions over the next couple of months and then blow up the front office and the coaching staff after the season. 

 

And as we said on Friday, Wilf shouldn't try to buck the NFL's CBA with the union by imposing rules or penalties greater than what the league's procedures allow.  He instead should hire a G.M. and a head coach who will create the same environment that the Patriots have achieved through Bill Belichick and Scott Pioli, and which the 49ers are now striving to replicate with Mike Nolan and Scot McCloughan.

 

ARRINGTON HASN'T CHANGED

 

A league source has shed more light for us on the curious absence of linebacker LaVar Arrington from the Redskins' lineup. 

 

Per the source, Arrington hasn't changed at all.  He always has been a source of frustration for those around him, because of his style of play.  Apparently, Arrington's approach apparently has caught up with him.

 

"People were concerned about him coming out [of Penn State in 2000], for various reasons," said the source.  "He made a lot of ESPN highlight plays, but he lacked consistency . . . not because he is dumb but because he is undisciplined.

 

"Sometimes those two things are intertwined," the source added.  "Coaches tell guys to do things, they refuse to do it the way they are told, they do it their own way, and they are perceived to be dumb because they are knowingly and defiantly hurting the defense and the team.

 

"That's what [Arrington] does.  It is what he has always done.  He frustrates people."

 

So coupled with defensive coordinator Gregg Williams' implementation of a highly-structured defense, Arrington's freelancing nature has landed him on the bench.  And that protracted ugliness regarding his December 2003 contract extension, in which he basically accused the team of fraud, surely has done little to win for LaVar the benefit of the doubt.

 

POSTED 12:00 p.m. EDT; UPDATED 12:13 p.m. EDT, October 16, 2005

 

COWBOYS PLANNING TO POUND THE ROCK

 

With the Dallas Cowboys coming off of an impressive aerial show against the vaunted Philly defense and starting tailback Julius Jones reportedly out due to an injury, the 'Boys will stick with the air raid, right?

 

Wrong.

 

A league source tells us that the Cowboys will try to run the ball down the Giants' throats on Sunday -- and that the Giants anticipate that a ground attack will indeed be coming.

 

ESPN's Ed Werder reports that Anthony Thomas will start in place of Jones, but rookie Tyson Thompson likely will get plenty of touches, too.

 

If the Cowboys can't move the ball on the ground, look for them to retreat to a passing game featuring a bunch of rejuvenated thirtysomethings -- assuming that rookie right tackle Rob Petitti can keep Michael Strahan from turning quarterback Drew Bledsoe into a DOA.

 

PETERSON DOESN'T AGREE WITH TEAM ON INJURY

 

We hear that, even though published reports from the past week express optimism regarding the ability of cornerback William Peterson to return from a back injury later this season, Peterson thinks that the condition still threatens not only his season, but his career.

 

There have been published reports, including one from Jay Glazer of FOXSports.com, regarding at least one confrontation between Peterson and the Soup Nazi as to Peterson's status. 

 

So could it be that the team was hyping Peterson's health last week in the hopes of generating some eleventh-hour trade interest?  Tom Coughlin doesn't take kindly to players who disagree with him, and it could be that Peterson has signed his own ticket out of town, sooner or later, by pissing off the guy who makes the Jambalaya.

 

Stay tuned.  We doubt that the Giants will unload Peterson before Tuesday, but we think the situation is slightly more complex than Peterson taking a couple of additional weeks off to heal and then returning to action.

 

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