WEEK EIGHT

Patriots at Vikings

SEND YOUR COMMENTS

(HIT F5 TO GET THE LATEST CRAPOLA!)

Oh . . . yeah . . . our second Live Blog this week, and the return of the MNF folks, who'll surely provide us with a constant flow of stuff about which to comment and of which to make fun.

Tonight, the 5-1 Pats visit the 4-2 Vikings.  The constant stream of commentary will begin as soon as the Poobah returns from Florio Jr.'s last soccer game of the year.

Meanwhile, Happy Anniversary to Daunte Culpepper's knee, which was blown apart a year ago to the day in Carolina.

For now, we'll hit the pause button on the Blog after we perform a little research, just because we care.  The Pats lead the all-time series between these two teams, 5-4.  It's the only the fourth time they've met in Minnesota.  They have twice gone to overtime, with the Pats winning both, in 1991 and 1994.

(A reader points out that the Vikes blew a 20-0 lead in the '94 game, and we now recall that Drew Bledsoe set a few records not involving sacks or interceptions.)

Tonight?  We smell another visit to overtime. 

And, by the way, Kornholio really needs to ditch the Mr. Rogers jacket he wears on PTI.

Okay, we're back.  Getting some grub and then hitting the blog full time.

Richard Seymour is playing tonight.

Suzy Kolber's waddle is fully concealed.  Indoors.

Wow -- a Monday night without Rachel Nichols.  Maybe she asked for the week of Halloween off.  For religious reasons.

Gotta love Jaws without the ladies' frames.  We're still amazed they lasted longer than Jan Brady's wig.

Berman forgot his head paint in Bristol.

Man, Berman's tie is uglier than usual tonight.

Irvin's "Playmakers": Larry Johnson; LaDainian Tomlinson; Damon Huard/Eddie Kennison; Peyton Manning/Reggie Wayne; and Tony Romo/T.O.

Irvin loves the phrase "my buddy and me."

Steve Hutchinson is a mean looking guy.  Good to know he huffs ammonia like Jim Mora Jr. and Lord Favre.

Mort says that Chad Johnson will get fined $5,000 for wearing "Ocho Cinco" over his last name.

Tonight's drinking game:  whenever the sock puppets refer to Brad Johnson as a "manager" of the game, take a swig.

Tom Jackson just said "stature."

Mort finally has corrected himself on Brad Johnson not being the lowest-paid starter in the league, by including Charlie Frye.  (Now Mort needs to include Tony Romo and Andrew Walter.  And Bruce Gradkowski.)

Bill Belichick's son apparently prefers real grass to artificial.

A reader points out that while Brad Johnson is the oldest quarterback in the league he sat for four full years before playing, thus resulting in less wear and tear on his body.

Says a reader:  "So coaches can't wear suits, but they can dress like bums?"

Reader:  "My girlfriend who never watches football just walked in the room and caught her first glimpse of Kornholio, and said, 'He looks like they just pulled him out of dumpster.'"

Reader:  "Hey, we're having a Friday Night Lights party over here.  How's the football game thing going?"

More pimping of ABC shows that no one watches, but the makeover of Bill Belichick is kind of funny.

Mascots racing later -- where's the dude from the Pirates and his baseball bat?

Alternative drinking game:  reference to "buy in" when referring to the new system of Vikings coach Brad Childress.

A reader wants to know if Tom Jackson has an earring -- or whether Mike Irvin blew a coke boogie on his lobe.

Reader:  "Next week for pre-game padding, we run a sap piece on the cows that mourn their sisters who were killed to make tonight's football.  Signed, ESPN."

"ESPN is ruining my buzz," says a reader.

Reader:  "Hey I love the way Bill Belichick dresses.  Signed, The Unabomber."

They're handing out paper masks of Kornholio and the other sock puppets at the Metrodome, we're told.

ESPN showed a glimpse of Brad Johnson's "Yeah mutherf--ker yeah!" shout after throwing a touchdown pass against the Redskins.

Reader:  "Doesn't Tedy Bruschi know only black guys can play LB?  Signed, Sterling Sharpe."

Paris Hilton is always ready for some football.  Because she always has her kneepads on.

Gosh we hate that wench.

Here we go, folks.  Kornholio makes his Emmy pitch.  (He should have mentioned Theismann as one of the quarterbacks who can't hold Brady's jock.)

A reader says that Boomer Esiason campaigned on WEEI for the ouster of Kornholio.

Suzy's shirt looks like a tool shed.

ESPN finally shows Brad Johnson with his "yeah mutherf--ker yeah!" celebration.  ("What did he say, Dad?")

Halloween version of Hank Williams thing = same old tired video with some Commodore 64 computer effects.

Brad Childress looks like the guy you call when your computer won't turn on.

Kornholio busting on Belichick's sweatshirt.  Tony -- you cannot comment on fashion as long as you are sporting the nursing home hairdo.

Reader:  "Joe Theismann says that Brad Johnson has become exactly the guy that Brad Childress thought he would be when he drafted him."

Matt Light's beard looks fake.  ("I always wondered what happened to Grizzly Adams," says a reader.  Says another:  "Why was the Vikings' mascot introducing the New England offense?")

Brady slides up in the pocket and torches the Vikes for a long gain.

A reader claims he could see a Vikings player's wang through his pants.  (We're not checking the TiVo for that one.)

Says a reader:  "When did Kornholio start e-mailing the Live Blog?"

Touchdown already for the Pats.  7-0.  Ouch.

Kornholio is thinking about asking whether the game is over.

Maybe we'll get to watch Friday Night Lights, after all.

Vikings defense is still No. 1 against the run.

Reader:  "Rachel Nichols just robbed my house, but only took my black cat."

Dork with horns.

Big Mac is in the building -- but you don't want any of what he's been eating.

A reader advises us that Harold Reynolds is going to sue ESPN.

Vikes already at the New England 40.  As a reader predicts, they're destined to get a field goal on the first drive.  And then they won't score again until the second half.

Tully Banta-Cain "got a piece of Johnson," says Clarence Thomas.

Vikings punt.

Another holding penalty moves the Pats back to start a drive.  So there will be 90 more passing yards coming from Tom Brady.

Pats are constantly using five receivers.

Another puff report from Sammy Kolber.  (Gee, who'da thunk that the goal is to put the ball in a spot where the receiver doesn't have to break stride?)

Wow -- Tom Brady threw an interception.  The Pope says, "Hmm, maybe he isn't infallible." 

Theismann mentions that Lester Hayes intercepted a few of his passes.  Yeah, and Paris Hilton has slept with a few men.

Brad Childress is ordering his dinner.

Wow -- Troy Williamson catches a pass.

Brad Johnson throws a nice punt.

Great play by Tony Richardson.

Vince Wilfork nearly picks Brad Johnson's nose.

Another reference to Charlie Frye as the only starter making less money than Johnson.  IDIOTS.

"Managing games" -- drink, my children, drink.

Rodney Harrison was putting the sleeper hold on Chester Taylor.

Tafoya reporting on something that was going through someone's mind.

Holy crap who was Brad Johnson throwing that ball to?

He really earned his new extension, notes a reader.

Looks like the Vikes put Bethel Johnson in motion way behind the line to draw Rodney Harrison over to him.  Didn't work.

Hey, folks -- we're getting like 1,000 visits every five minutes.  Come on in and have a Purple Drank.

TacoBill wants a Bachelor update from Dante.

Watson with a long gain; flag on Vikes.

Nice gain by Maroney on a screen pass.

A reader says that Boomer Esiason said on radio, "He threw that throw."

Pats about to cash in on a 98-yard drive.

We think we saw PFT on one of those media laptops.

Getting plenty of e-mails from readers who can't believe that the sock puppets think Brady isn't as famous as other quarterbacks; he has hosted SNL for crying out loud.

Brady is pretty good when moving subtly in the pocket.

Great spot for a fake field goal.  Or a drop kick.

Kornholio makes a reference to the French Open.  That's kinda gay.

Says a reader:  "That wasn't PFT on a media laptop -- Pasquarelli had tomato sauce smeared on his screen."

By the way, Pats up 10-0.  The Vikings might not score a point at all tonight.

Did the sock puppets refer to Drew Bledsoe as a key depature?

Reader:  "Kornholio makes a Dylan reference, and now Irvin is listening to Everybody Must Get Stoned."

Troy Williamson catches another pass, without dropping it.

Reader:  "The local curling team had it's brooms stolen.  Rachel Nichols is the prime suspect."

West Coast offense doesn't vertically attack defenses, Sunshine says just before Brad Johnson throws a deep ball.  That gets picked off.

Whenever the Vikings start to think they're good, they play like sh-t.  Every year.

Reader:  "Those are two of the worst decisions a QB's made since Theismann was playing."

Brad Johnson apparently is dressing up as Big Ben for Halloween.

Dwight Smith just got his helmet knocked off on a perfectly-timed blitz.

Vikings force a punt -- so Brad Johnson can throw another interception.

Bill Belichick making out with the microphone on his headset.

Hey -- Tirico's mask is taller than the real Tirico.

The Kornholio mask looks like Taggart from Beverly Hills Cop.

Sunshine pretends to choke Kornholio after Tony suggests he has a big head.

Troy Williamson catches another pass without dropping it.

Reader:  "Instead of a sausage race it's just a d--khead race."

Readers want to know why Suzy and Tafoya are excluded from the sausage race.  Don't they like sausage or something?

The NBA is coming back -- whoop-de-f--king-do.

Brady gets sacked.

Tafoya says that the Pats "want you to beat yourselves."  (They're talking about the game, right?)

Nice play by the Pats to convert on third down.  Fred Smoot tackles the guy without the aid of a double-headed sex toy.

Reader:  "Caldwell immediately heads to the bench for a disinfectant after being tackled by Smoot."

Doug Gabriel showing off some of the stuff he learned from Randy Moss.

If Caldwell was going full speed he might have had a chance to get that one.

Pats close to putting the Vikes away.

A reader points out that the Badgers won the game in which Maroney ran for 250-plus yards.

Is Borat related to Jeff Fisher?

Theismann talking about his eventual Hall of Fame bust.  When did they open up a "Loudmouth Dumbsh-t Former Player Who Had His Leg Broken On National TV" Hall of Fame?

Clarence Thomas says "snatch."

Brady on a quarterback sneak . . . on second and goal from the eight.

Someone is wearing a Chad Greenway jersey.  Nice investment.

Tony still wears his gay bracelet.

Touchdown, Pats.  Vikings are done.  17-0.

Tom Brady wants to fight someone in the stands.

More on Brady not being as commercialized as other quarterbacks.  Suzy is worthless.

Note you won't get on ESPN -- on a Monday night game seven years ago the Vikes fell behind the Cowboys 17-0, and then came back and won it.

Why won't ESPN mention it?  Because it would take away from the crotch nuzzling of Tom Brady.

Joe, no first rounders have won a Super Bowl.  Just ask Ben Roethlisberger.  And Trent Dilfer.  And John Elway.  And Troy Aikman.  And Terry Bradshaw.  And Jim Plunkett.  (Should we continue?)

Clarence Thomas says something stupid about the better teams drafting in the later rounds.

Hey, Friday Night Lights starts in two minutes.

One of the sausages is getting booed in the background.

Man, this game is boring.  Should we pack it in or keep going?

Boos for Irvin in the sausage race.  Boos for Kornholio.  Boos for Sunshine.  The Steve Young mask has John Elway mouth.

Oh man that was the most pathetic thing we have ever seen.

Sunshine lost because the turf is too new.

Berman's mask looks like Charles Grodin.  Or Al Michaels.  Or my ass.

A reader wants to know why the Jackson sausage has the Scott Player face mask.

"Irvin's and Jackson's masks look like the California Raisins.  Signed, Steve Lyons."

Holy crap -- there was no useless celebrity visitor to the booth. 

Tafoya says that the Vikings were not making a noise as they went to the locker room . . . but what was going through their heads?

Why do the sock puppets have their jackets back on after halftime?

Williamson doesn't drop another one.

Ed Begley Jr. has his face painted tonight.

A reader suggests that the sausage race was proof that MNF has jumped the shark.

Clarence Thomas looking for some "old  guy on old guy" action.

There's the Troy Williamson we know.

Williamson loses the ball in the lights -- yeah, there's plenty of light on the ceiling.

Vikes might not score a point tonight.

Sammy Kolber finally talks about something that happened in the game.

Mewelde Moore returns a punt for a touchdown.

Kornholio is pissed that he can't go back to sleep.  But he's happy that his fantasy guy scored.  (We didn't know James Denton had snuck into the booth.)

Reader makes a good point -- in most fantasy leagues your guy doesn't get points when he scores on special teams.

So much for the Vikings getting back into the game.

Touchdown.  Just like that.  Game over.  23-7.

Reader:  "Hey, was Warren Moon wearing a wife beater T-shirt under his suit?"

24-7.  Game over.

Kornholio says that hit on Bethel Johnson moved his teeth.  (Doesn't he mean his dentures?)

Play-action pass -- yeah, real effective when down by 17 in the third quarter.

Sunshine says Chester Taylor is running well . . . nine carries for 20 yards. 

Williamson doesn't drop another one.

Tafoya asks Moon:  "What goes through your head when you're punching your spouse?"

Does Jermaine Wiggins look like Jack Black?

Okay, the Playstation 3 commercial is very disturbing.

Bad, bad, bad call by the referee on the review.

Lots of readers are pissed that Coach Hobo convinced the refs to go his way on that one.

Sunshine says that Raiders and Seahawks will be a good game "because key players are out."

Pats inside the 20.  This one is over.

Pittsburgh wasn't No. 1 against the run when the Pats diced them with five wide in 2002; it was the first freaking game of the year.

Hey -- Matt Millen is at the game.

Belichick is going to try to get another tuck rule call from the refs.

Clarence Thomas is looking for a body part to be down.

Wow, Belichick doesn't get his way.

Does Brad Johnson ever throw to the sticks on third down?

Sunshine says that Brad Johnson only had four touchdown passes coming into this game -- and they were pimping him for a raise.

Kornholio pitching for an Emmy when waxing about Red Auerbach.

Pats driving again.

Chad Jackson fights his way into the end zone.  30-7.  Over.

Reader points out that Sunshine's statement that the officials "work together now" is stupid -- they've worked together on the same crew for years.

I want to puke whenever I hear Suzy Kolber's voice.

We're really thinking about packing this one in.

HOLY SH-T -- Vince Wilfork just picked his nose through his facemask.  (Seriously.)

Another interception for the Vikings.  Where's Tarvaris Jackson?

Readers are wondering whether Coach Hobo gives out some kisses tonight.

Pats still throw the ball up 24 in the fourth.

Good news -- Vikes get a new quarterback.  Bad news -- it ain't Tarvaris Jackson.

What's the Breeder's Cup?  Is it the plastic doohickey into which Barbaro makes his, um, deposits?

Two snap . . . two sacks.  This is ridiculous.

Three plays.  Three sacks.  Unbelievable.

Oh man there are ten minutes left in the game.

And the Pats still throw.  Where's Albert Haynesworth when you need him?

Reader:  "64,000 Viking fans now feel just like Charlie Brown when he got a bag full of rocks for Halloween except they got sh-t instead of the rocks."

A reader points out that Laurence Maroney has more all-purpose yards than Reggie Bush.  And one less interception.

Kornholio has a snot rag in his left hand.

Sunshine suggests he didn't think the Fins would unseat the Pats.  We have a feeling he is lying.

Oh well -- Sunshine picked the Pats -- Clayton and Scouts, Stinc. picked the Fins.

More fluff from Tafoya.

Zygi Wilf:  "I'm on TV?  Who says I'm on TV?  I'm not on TV.  Oh, look -- I'm on TV."

Five minutes left.

Vikings turn it over on downs.

Pats put Matt Cassel into the game.

So much for Mike Tomlin being on the list of hot head coaching candidates.

Kornholio says that if the Cards had beaten the Bears it would have been the greatest win in the history of the franchise; so winning an NFL championship in 1947 wasn't bigger than a regular season game?

Mewelde Moore gains a bunch of garbage yards; Kornholio has wood.

Jack Black makes another catch.

How fitting.  Another interception.  Done.  31-7.

That's all folks.  We're done.  See you Sunday for the Colts at the Pats.