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POSTED 10:16 p.m. EDT, November 8, 2005

 

PFT TEN-PACK:  WEEK NINE

 

We interrupt the ongoing coverage of T.O. to talk about this past weekend's action . . . including more on T.O.

 

First, our five game-related takes:

 

1.  "Addition By Subtraction."

 

We've made our feelings known regarding T.O. the person, but when we heard 75 percent of the Monday Night Countdown crew talking about "addition by subtraction" in Philly, we could've sworn that we had stepped into a modified DeLorean set for a trip to March 2005, just after the Vikings traded Randy Moss to the Raiders.

 

Addition by subtraction my ass.

 

From a X-and-O standpoint, the Eagles will have to replace a guy who drew double coverage on a constant basis.  Only a handful of guys attract that kind of attention right now -- Owens, Moss, Marvin Harrison, Chad Johnson, and Steve Smith.

 

It makes a huge difference to the overall performance of the offense, as the Vikings have learned following seven years of facing seven defenders in the box.

 

And the absence of the distractions shouldn't make the team any better, if we are to believe the things that guys like Donovan McNabb said earlier in the year.  Football is business.  Whether or not a guy is an idiot in the locker room shouldn't matter once they all get between the lines. 

 

Indeed, there's been no suggestion that Owens was allowing his discontent to affect his performance.  Through seven games, he averaged nearly seven receptions, more than 100 yards, and roughly one touchdown. 

 

Surely, Owens' play did not contribute to the team's 4-3 start.

 

So there definitely was a "subtraction."  But until they find another wideout who'll force teams to roll coverage in his direction, there will be no "addition."

 

2.  Vikes' Season Comes Down To Next Two Games.

 

With the broadcast media generally inclined to look at the results of last week's games and assume that the scores reflect a trend that will continue indefinitely into the future, there have been plenty of accolades heaped upon old-new Vikings quarterback Brad Johnson, who led Minnesota to a win with 136 (not 316) passing yards.  Some folks actually think that the Vikes are back in the NFC North hunt.

 

But there are serious flaws, to say the least, in the notion that Johnson's performance automatically spins the clock back to 1997.

 

First, they beat the Lions -- not the Colts.

 

Second, the Vikings played at home where they are 3-1, not on the road were they are 0-4.

 

Sure, the 3-5 Vikings aren't in horrible shape at the turn.  They're only two games behind the Bears, and the Lions and Pack are fading out of contention. 

 

But Minnesota has been worse than dreadful on the road, losing by an average of nearly 25 points.  If (as we expect) they lose big at the Meadowlands on Sunday and get smacked at Lambeau the following Monday night in one of the few remaining winnable games on Green Bay's slate, it'll be time to stick a fork-shaped pencil into the Meathead's ear hole.

 

3.   Ron Mexico Gets Testy.

 

After leading the Falcons' offense to 17 (not 71) points against the Dolphins on Sunday, quarterback Michael Vick lit into folks who have dared to acknowledge the obvious regarding his skills as a pocket passer.

 

Or, more accurately, the lack thereof.

 

"They say I can't throw the ball from the pocket and my passing efficiency isn't that good, so I had to show everybody," Vick said. "From here on out, I don't want to hear that question again, if I can throw the ball from the pocket and if I can make plays from the pocket. I feel like I answered them, so I don't ever want to hear it again."

 

Okay, Mike.  You're the boss.  We'll never again mention the fact that you're an elusive runner who isn't tall enough to see over the offensive line and who bails out of the pocket at the first sign of pressure and who then decides on a seat-of-the-pants basis whether to run or pass and who throws it if at all to the one pass-catcher who can actually be seen and who periodically delivers the ball with precision to someone other than the tight end from a location other than at or near the sidelines.

 

But we can still talk about the herp, right?

 

Frankly, we didn't put much stock in Vick's drawbacks as a quarterback until his team began to try to conceal his limitations by blaming the lack of a passing game on the wideouts.  We merely thought that the issue was the organization's stubborn insistence on cramming Vick's round-pegged talent into the square hole of the West Coast Offense (which, it was explained at one point, isn't really the West Coast Offense because Atlanta isn't, you know, on the West Coast).  But when the Falcons started pointing fingers at guys like Dez White and Peerless Price instead of merely acknowledging that Vick was and is a work in progress, we joined the chorus of folks who don't react well to being force-fed a fistful of fried bullsh-t.

 

If we were coaching this guy up, we'd devise an offense aimed at maximizing his skills and concealing his weaknesses.  We wouldn't try to make him something he isn't; we'd merely try to win with what he is.

 

Maybe Jim Mora will figure that out, not that he's kicked his ammonia habit.

 

Given that the team is doing pretty darn well with Vick in a system that doesn't suit him, we can only imagine how good he and the team would be if he were in an offense tailor-made for his incredible gifts.

 

4.  Dilemma Looming For Dungy.

 

Let's fast forward a few weeks.  And let's assume that the Colts win at home against the Chargers to get to 14-0.  Let's also assume that Indy has, at that point, nailed down home-field advantage throughout the playoffs.

 

With the franchise 120 minutes away from completing the first perfect season since 1972 and the only 16-win regular-season ever, would coach Tony Dungy rest his starters?

 

Or would he go for a shot at football immortality?

 

The risks, to be sure, would be great.  A serious injury to a key player on either side of the ball would be potentially devastating. 

 

But the chances of nailing down a perfect season via a game at Seattle and a home game against Dungy's mentor, Denny Green, would be diminished with a guy like Jim Sorgi taking the snaps.

 

Our guess is that Dungy and the Colts would, if that close to perfection, continue to reach for the elusive brass ring -- even if it means yanking the starters on offense after getting a lead, say, of 10 or more points.

 

And even if it means that the last lunge for 16-0 causes the team to land on its face in the postseason.

 

Still, such talk is premature.  Over the next 33 days, Indy has games against the Bengals, Steelers, and Jaguars.  A tall order, to say the least.

 

If, however, the Colts are still unblemished come December 11, Dungy will be dealing with a dilemma that every coach would love to have, in theory.

 

5.  Replay Officials Protecting Refs From Themselves?

 

We were surprised, as was ABC's Al Michaels, when that second quarter touchdown toss from Colts quarterback Peyton Manning to receiver Reggie Wayne wasn't subjected to a replay review.

 

The ball was juggled by Wayne as he tumbled out of bounds, and  it was hard to tell whether Wayne had control before his body hit the white stripe wrapping around the end zone, even in slow motion.

 

In other games, it's the kind of play that would have been reviewed, without question.

 

But with less than two minutes in the half, no review can occur absent a phone call from the replay official in the booth.  And given the recent propensity of some of the referees to use the replay system as a tool for making the call from scratch instead of merely determining whether there is indisputable visual evidence to overturn it, it's hard not to think that some of the replay officials are holding back in order to protect the refs from the temptation to overturn based on something less than truly indisputable proof.   

 

Now for five non-game takes:

 

1.  ABC Tightens It Up . . . A Little.

 

We were pleased to see more action highlights and less canned bar scenes during the weekly Tim McGraw segment on Monday night, only one week after we openly called for the folks at Disney to ditch the cheesy reaction shots filmed long before the games were played.

 

Jimmy Kimmel's spot -- a 60-second look at Bill Cowher's facial facade of chronic constipation -- was better than usual, but still bad.  We liked the concept, but the lines weren't funny and the studio audience still doesn't seem to know precisely when to laugh.  But, hey, we're suckers for doctored photos, so Kimmel at least gets a few points for that series of shots with Cowher's pissed-off puss pasted into things like family Christmas cards and a handshake with W.

 

The Dennis Quaid ranting monologue at the opening of the show would have sounded a lot better coming from a guy like Dennis Leary or Lewis Black, and we're starting to get plenty of complaints from readers who think that Hank's musical intro has jumped the shark -- with a pickup truck.

 

So keep working ABC.  Maybe you'll iron out all of the kinks just in time to turn the MNF franchise over to ESPN.

 

2.  ESPN, Rosenhaus Created The Monster.

 

On Tuesday, we heard Dan Patrick of ESPN bristling a bit during his radio show regarding some of the criticism that has been heaped on the Boys from Bristol for their role in giving T.O. an outlet for his gripes and grievances -- and then for crushing him when he took advantage of the air time. 

 

The point, Dano, isn't that folks are blaming ESPN for T.O.'s current predicament, but that ESPN happily jumped into the sack with Owens and his agent, Drew Rosenhaus, when Drew was trying to use the media as a tool for placing pressure on the Eagles to give T.O. a raise.

 

So ESPN enables turdish behavior only until the turd takes it too far, at which time the army of "analysts" (with the exception of Michael Irvin) points out with righteous indignation that there's a pile of crap on the floor.  

 

The real Dr. Frankenstein in this morass, however, is Rosenhaus.  He concocted the arguments to support Owens' quest for more coin, and Terrell apparently found the case so compelling that he bought it.

 

Unfortunately, no one else did.

 

And as the Eagles refused to accept the agent's B.S., T.O. dug in, getting more and more upset at every actual or perceived indignity until, eventually, Rosenhaus no longer control could his client.

 

All Owens had to do was keep his mouth shut and play hard.  He would have earned his full salary in 2005, and the team would have paid him more than $8 million in 2006.  He also would have cashed in on local and national endorsements.

 

Still, no one forced Owens to hire Rosenhaus -- which in hindsight was Owens' biggest mistake.  Indeed, the only smile on T.O.'s face during Tuesday's press conference appeared after Rosenhaus was asked what he has done for his client in five months, other than get him fired.

 

3.  Aikman's Future Ain't That Bright.

 

While giving a report from his game site during the Sunday pregame show on FOX, Troy Aikman sported a set of sunglasses so dark that we wondered aloud whether he suddenly was, you know, legally blind.

 

While none of the sock puppets in the studio had the stones to chide the greatest . . . quarterback . . . ever for looking downright goofy in his shades, low-level color man JC "I Changed It From 'Jayice' Because I Realized It Looked Kinda Gay" Pearson whipped out some sunglasses of his own (while inside the Metrodome) when the studio foofs threw it to him for some info on the Vikings-Lions game.

 

And Aikman apparently is regarded as so sacred within the FOX organization that the studio guys initially poked fun at Pearson for wearing shades indoors, completely ignoring the fact that Pearson actually was dissing Aikman.

  

4.  The Contradiction That Is Fox.

 

We still can't figure out how Rupert Murdoch pulls it off.  His "fair and balanced" 24-hour news channel isn't, unless your politics fall somewhere right of Giuliani and left of Mussolini.  At the same time, Murdoch's  entertainment network routinely provides examples of all the depraved caa-caa about which social conservatives routinely carp.

 

We delved into this issue earlier in the year, after Joe Buck cried foul regarding the Randy Moss faux moon routine on an afternoon of the week that usually features real nudity of the animated kind that same night.

 

This past week, however, the folks at FOX Sports broke from Buck's efforts to Hannitize the football-viewing crowd.  In a big way.

 

First, Frank Caliendo's pre-game show appearance entailed an unflattering impersonation of the President, complete with the specific mispronunciations and the general stupidity.

 

Next, skanky weather chick Jillian Barberie and a scantily-clad Pam Anderson fawned over candidates for the NFL's sexiest man contest like a couple of drunken hookers, as they preened and pranced and pawed at each other like a pair of Panthers cheerleaders.

 

It was a shameful display, even for Murdoch's oft-bawdy entertainment division.  And we wonder whether someone at FOX got a call from the Commish -- after the Commish got a call from someone with real red-state juice who didn't take kindly to Caliendo's commentary or to Jill and Pam's not-so-excellent adventure.

 

5.  Irvin Must Go.

 

His contract with ESPN expires after the season.  And like his favorite semi-active player, Michael Irvin is doing his damnedest, consciously or not, to ensure that there won't be another year with his current team.

 

Irvin, whose comments regarding T.O. are consistently prefaced by a lame-ass explanation that Irvin is an "analyst" (which apparently makes it okay to indulge his biases), is the only "analyst" who has had anything remotely positive to say about Owens' treatment of his team and his quarterback.

 

Peter King offered some friendly advice to Irvin in King's MMQB column:  "I know he's your friend -- now -- and I know you're loyal," King wrote, "but be careful.  You're in the quasi-journalism business now, and you're looking pretty silly blindly sticking up for a guy who would have thrown you out of the Cowboys locker room in a heartbeat 15 years ago."

 

Amen, Pete.  But we think that Irvin has a broader plan in mind.  Just as agents Carl and Kevin Poston cater to a specific demographic (i.e., intellectually challenged street toughs), Irvin is trying to become the one guy in the national media to whom the bad boys will open up.

 

Was it a coincidence that Irvin scored an "exclusive" with Jamal Lewis of the Ravens?

 

Irvin's shtick is to constantly and relentlessly take up for the players, whether the issue is discipline or criticism or lack of compensation . . . except for the guys whom Mike doesn't like, such as Keyshawn Johnson.

 

Irvin's approach, in our opinion (and it's okay to express this opinion because, after all, we're "analysts"), constitutes an abuse of the position he now holds.  His goal should be to provide candid, frank commentary based on his knowledge of the game and his genuine beliefs, with no biases or prejudices or agendas or aspirations influencing his words or actions.

 

Put simply, he's not doing what he was hired to do.  Instead, he's trying to parlay his visibility into greater power and influence, and he'll use his network of potential "gets" as leverage for his next deal, either with ESPN or with someone else.

 

Unfortunately, Irvin's routine isn't the kind of thing that will raise the ire of the casual fan.  But folks in the industry surely have taken note.  And the one thing that Mike might not be thinking about here is that entry into the Hall of Fame is determined not by casual fans -- but by journalists.

 

And some journalists are, you know, "analysts."  As "analysts," they might just conclude in February 2006 that Irvin shouldn't get into Canton before a guy with better career stats and the same number of rings is standing next to a bronze bust with the name "Art Monk" etched into its base. 

 

POSTED 3:37 p.m. EST, November 8, 2005

 

T.O. TRIES TO MAKE CHICKEN SALAD

 

Money talks.

 

And nearly $10 million in lost salary, past bonus money, and future bonus payments screams like a cat with its tail caught in a blender.

 

Thus, Eagles receiver-in-exile Terrell Owens stood in front of his New Jersey house on Tuesday and essentially begged the team for another chance.

 

"It really hurts me not to be a part of this team anymore," Owens said.  He apologized to the team and quarterback Donovan McNabb from a prepared statement -- a statement likely prepared by someone other than T.O.

 

"We hope he plays again for the Philadelphia Eagles," agent Drew Rosenhaus said, adding that Owens gets to return to the team "ASAP."

 

Sorry, T.O., but it ain't gonna happen.  No way.  Too late.  Too convenient.  Too contrived.

 

Too bad.  

 

Toodle-oo.

 

POSTED 10:30 a.m. EST; UPDATED 1:22 p.m. EST, November 8, 2005

 

TOPCATS GET CANNED

 

It was, alas, inevitable.  The two Panthers cheerleaders who landed in the hoosegow after acting like they already were incarcerated while in a bathroom stall at "Banana Joe's" in Tampa have been kicked off of the TopCats squad.

 

It's the least of their problems, in light of the criminal charges they now face and the storm of media coverage that has resulted from the bizarre account of Renee Thomas and Angela Keathley getting it on with each other in the immediate vicinity of a public crapper while a queue of females who needed to perch on the porcelain formed outside.  

 

And the word "storm" doesn't do this thing justice.  But for the T.O. saga, Hurricane Thelma and Louise would be the most dominant NFL-related story among mainstream fans.  Monday traffic to the Panthers' official Web site crippled the thing.  (We doubt that a similar phenomenon occurred when Carolina made it to the Super Bowl two seasons ago.)

 

For those of you who were deprived of an opportunity to learn that Ms. Keathley's favorite thing about being on the squad is the "[f]riendships" and that one of Ms. Thomas' favorite foods is shrimp, the good folks at TheSmokingGun.com have posted a screen capture of their former online bios.

 

So why all the interest?  For reasons still not divined by modern science, a significant segment of the heterosexual male (and, presumably, homosexual female) population finds the notion of girls smooching other girls to be strangely compelling.  Jerry Seinfeld once explained that cat fights are intriguing "[b]ecause men think if women are grabbing and clawing at each other there's a chance they might somehow kiss." 

 

Here, we've got much more going on in the john than kissing, and it was followed up by a full-blown cat fight between one of them and yet another woman, with a dash of disorderly conduct and a twist of attempted identity theft.

 

So, yeah, folks are interested.  Still don't believe us?  Check out the line at "Banana Joe's" from Monday night.

 

["Screw the Colts and Patriots, we're here for the show."]

 

TUESDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

Titans coach Jeff Fisher continues to protect Pacman.

 

Jets WR Wayne Chrebet is expected to announce his retirement at least one concussion too late.

 

The Jets have an interesting decision to make as to when to make Chrebet's retirement official; filing the paperwork now permits them to spread the cap hit over two seasons, but if they wait they might get stuck taking it all in 2006, if the CBA isn't extended by then.

 

Chargers QB Drew Brees apparently won't get a new deal before 2006.

 

Lions WR Roy Williams angrily denies that he engaged in any cowardly behavior on Sunday (but he admits that once ran away from a little dog that barked at him).

 

Rams interim coach Joe Vitt is pissed at rookie OT Alex Barron, who missed most of Monday's practice after getting back to town late from his bye week break.

 

Given the popularity of TopCats mug shots, the Tampa police asked a touch-up artist from a national fashion magazine to help conceal one of the girl's flaws.

 

 

Tom Silverstein of The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel incorrectly assumes that T.O.'s grievance against the Eagles could result in his release; the only issues as to the grievance are whether he gets paid for the four weeks of his suspension, and whether he then will have to repay $1.725 million in bonus money.

 

Eagles LB Jeremiah Trotter thinks that T.O.'s downfall was the result of his inability to conceal his true feelings:  "I just think he gets trapped in these media interviews, and he's such an honest guy," Trotter said.  "He just feels like he has to say what he feels.  But sometimes you can't do that."

 

Eagles self-styled "bad-ass-ador" Hugh Douglas is the first guy to acknowledge publicly what many league insiders have been saying privately about T.O.:  "He has a problem and it's clear he needs help."

 

And why is it that Owens is the only guy who gets to be referred to merely by his initials?  From this point forward, yours truly only wants to be known as "M.F."  (Ummmm . . . maybe I need to think that through some more.)  

 

The situation with Chiefs RB Priest Holmes is puzzling, given that coach Dick Vermeil says that "I don't know if there's an injury per se"; RotoWorld.com reports that Holmes won't play this week and that he's unlikely to play again in 2005. 

 

Jags coach Jack Del Rio acknowledges that he cussed out the team at halftime of Sunday's eventual win over Houston.

 

Statement game.  

 

Phil Sheridan of The Philadelphia Inquirer nails it better than we could ever hope to regarding the manner in which ESPN created a platform for T.O., and then hit beat him over the head with the boards after the thing collapsed.

 

Falcons rookie WR Roddy White could make his second start in place of Michael Jenkins (ankle). 

 

Niners coach Mike Nolan won't decide on whether to go with Cody Pickett or Ken Dorsey at quarterback until later in the week.

 

From the "What Would The League Office Do If Someone From The Raiders Said This?" file, Tom Curran of The ProJo heard Colts G.M. Bill Polian mutter "[b]reak his leg" as Pats quarterback Doug Flutie ran one last garbage-time play at the tail end of Monday night's game. 

 

Jags RB Fred Taylor aggravated an ankle injury on Sunday, and his availability for Week Ten is unclear.

 

It looks like QB Charlie Batch will start again for the Steelers on Sunday night against the Browns.

 

Steelers G Alan Faneca says that Batch did a "great job" against the Packers (we also assume that Faneca is doubtful for Sunday night's game with a severe concussion).

 

Vikings RB Mewelde Moore has a sprained wrist; the team is still waiting for results from a Monday MRI.

 

Jags DT Marcus Stroud will continue to play through a sprained ankle.

 

As Ernest goes to the starting lineup, 2004 first-round WR Reggie Williams has slipped to No. 4 on the depth chart; he was on the field for less than 10 snaps against the Texans.

 

POSTED 8:53 p.m. EST, November 7, 2005

 

SABAN THROWING SCOTT UNDER THE BUS?

 

He's sorely missed in Minnesota.  Now there's a chance they'll be able to bring him back after the season.

 

Word out of South Florida is that Dolphins coach Nick Saban could fire offensive coordinator Scott Linehan after only one season with the Dolphins.

 

The Fins are 22nd in the league in average yards per game, but the bigger problem might be Linehan's offseason endorsement of former Vikings backup Gus Frerotte.  Frerotte has been so-so at best as the starter.

 

We're not saying that a termination is coming or that a decision has been made.  All we're saying is that there are rumblings that Saban will make Linehan the scapegoat for the team's performance in 2005.

 

CAP ROOM UPDATE

 

We've managed to get our eyeballs on the team-by-team cap numbers for all NFL franchises.  The numbers are through Saturday, and they don't reflect any deals done in the last few days (e.g., the Brian Westbrook and David Akers contracts in Philly).

 

The Eagles led the pack with a whopping $9.427 million.

 

Next, the Texans with $5.858 million.

 

Here are the rest, in descending order:

 

Jaguars:  $4.14 million.

 

Chiefs:  $4.017 million.

 

Browns:  $3.952 million.

 

Cowboys:  $3.779 million.

 

Cardinals:  $3.54 million.

 

Bears:  $3.420 million.

 

Rams:  $3.239 million.

 

Bengals:  $3.086 million.

 

Giants:  $3.02 million.

 

Vikings:  $2.356 million.

 

Saints:  $1.89 million.

 

Packers:  $1.724 million.

 

Redskins:  $1.523 million.

 

Dolphins:  $1.512 million.

 

Chargers:  $1.384 million.

 

Panthers:  $1.337 million.

 

Colts:  $1.303 million.

 

Jets:  $1.156 million.

 

Ravens:  $1.145 million.

 

Seahawks:  $1.097 million.

 

Raiders:  $996,000.

 

Steelers:  $811,000.

 

Buccaneers:  $743,000.

 

Bills:  $686,000.

 

49ers:  $651,000.

 

Falcons:  $646,000.

 

Broncos:  $641,000.

 

Titans:  $622,000.

 

Lions:  $554,000.

 

Patriots:  $495,000.

 

November 7 is the deadline for increasing base salary in 2005 as a tool for using up remaining cap room.  Teams still can continue to use their remaining cap room through December 31, either through signing boni or so-called "Likely to be Earned Incentives" that, as a practical matter, won't be earned, essentially permitting the team to carry extra cap room over to 2006.

 

POSTED 6:10 p.m. EST, November 7, 2005

 

"T." COULD "O." BONUS MONEY

 

In addition to the $7.5 million in option and roster bonus money that the Eagles won't pay to T.O. in March 2006, we've determined based on the text of his contract that the team also may be able to pursue more than $1.7 million in bonus money paid to him when he signed his contract on March 16, 2004.

 

Per the contract, the original $2.3 million signing bonus expressly requires repayment of $1.725 million for a "default" occurring between January 31, 2005 and January 31, 2006.  A "default" occurs if, among other things, Owens is suspended for more than one game for conduct detrimental to the team.

 

Owens also received a $6.2 million roster bonus in 2004, none of which is subject to repayment for conduct occurring after the 2004 league year.

 

Thus, T.O.'s looming grievance regarding his four-game suspension is worth much more than 4/17ths of his 2005 base salary (which actually is $3.25 million, not $3.5 million as reported elsewhere).  In addition to four game checks worth a total of  $764,705, Owens could be forced to pay back to the team, if the grievance is upheld, all but $575,000 of his original signing bonus.

 

And since the grievance likely won't be resolved before the end of the regular season, our guess is that the Eagles will withhold his final five game checks (worth $955,882) as a down payment against his $1.725 million debt.  Indeed, the contract signed by T.O. grants the team full discretion to deduct and set off sums owed by the player from sums owed to the player.

 

The bottom line for Owens is that his conduct could end up costing him $2,489,705 in past bonus money and 2005 salary.  In order to merely break even as to where he would have been if the team had exercised its March 2006 option, Owens needs to pocket $9,989,705 on his next contract.

 

And we'll bet $9,989,705 that it won't happen.

 

POSTED 4:12 p.m. EST, November 7, 2005

 

OWENS DONE, BUT STILL AN EAGLE

 

They didn't release him, but he'll never play for them again.

 

On Monday, the Philadelphia Eagles announced that Owens will be suspended for a total of four games and that, after the suspension, he will not return to the team.

 

Technically, it's not a release, since Owens will be on the roster and deactivated (but paid) for the final five games of the season.  As to his four-game suspension, the NFLPA has advised the team that a grievance challenging the action will be pursued.  Hanging in the balance is more than $823,000.    

 

Implicit in the team's statement is that the Eagles will terminate Owens prior to March 1, 2006, in order to avoid $7.5 million in roster and option boni.  He then will become an unrestricted free agent.

 

Current speculation in league circles is that the Broncos will offer him a one-year, short-fuse, incentive-laden deal once he's on the market.  We continue to believe that Redskins owner Dan Snyder won't be able to resist pursuing Owens, and that coach Joe Gibbs ultimately will conclude that he can control T.O.  Still, the team privately is getting the word out that they aren't and won't be interested -- perhaps to deflect any suspicion of tampering if they make a deal with him minutes after he becomes a free agent.

 

Another team to consider is the Dolphins.  T.O. has a soft spot for South Florida, home of his agent, Drew Rosenhaus.  Also, Owens has been a regular on talk radio in Miami, with a weekly appearance this season on 790 AM.  The Nicktator hasn't exactly amassed a crew of choir boys in Miami, and if Saban can manage the personalities that already are in the building, he arguably can handle Owens, too.

 

For now, the team's announcement brings to a close a sad chapter in NFL history.  In the wake of his near-miraculous performance in Super Bowl XLIV less than two months after breaking two bones in his leg, T.O. was in position to become a major marketing figure -- and he had engendered more goodwill in the City of Philadelphia than any athlete since Dr. J.  

 

With one stroke of the pen, however, Owens pissed it all away.  That fateful moment came when he hired Rosenhaus and commissioned Drew to get a new contract to replace the deal T.O. had signed against the advice of the union.

 

Rosenhaus then embarked on a media campaign aimed at pressuring the team into paying Owens more money.  The team didn't flinch.

 

Owens ultimately reported for training camp in order to avoid a requirement to pay bonus money back to the team.  But by then it was too late to salvage the relationship.  Even after T.O. returned to camp with his tail tucked in his tookis after a one-week suspension, it was obvious that, at some point in the season, he would come unglued.

 

The catalysts, in the end, likely were the team's persistent struggles on offense, the organization's failure to publicly nuzzle his crotch when he scored his 100th career touchdown, and the locker-room throwdown with former teammate Hugh Douglas (who, as we've heard, had a big hand in hooking T.O. up with Rosenhaus).

 

For the Eagles, the circus has ended and they can focus on improving their 4-4 record, which currently puts them in no better than ninth place on the NFC's postseason pecking order.  Our guess is that it's gonna take a 6-2 finish to get back to the playoffs -- which will be a tall order given that Philly's final eight features five games against teams that already have five or more wins.    

 

POSTED 1:11 p.m. EST, November 7, 2005

 

T.O. NOT TO G.O. TODAY

 

There's a rumor making that rounds that the Eagles plan to announce at a 3:00 p.m. press conference on Monday they will release receiver Terrell Owens.

 

We're told that it's not going to happen.

 

On the surface, it doesn't make sense to cut him.  As a vested veteran, Owens would still get the remainder of his $3.5 million salary.

 

With eight of 17 weeks remaining, that's $1.64 million in free money for Owens.  Even if his contract is claimed by another team through the waiver system (unlikely), he's still eligible for the remainder of his salary from the Eagles as termination pay, pursuant to Article XXIII of the CBA.

 

A player can forfeit his right to termination pay only if the team has provided him with a written warning that he is failing to exhibit the level of good faith effort required from the club.  Even then, the matter would be subject to a grievance.

 

The far better course, as several league insiders believe, is to impose the four-week suspension on Owens, fight over whether he gets his pay for those games, and then deactivate him for the rest of the season and send him home on paid leave, like the Bucs did with Keyshawn Johnson in 2003.  

 

PACMAN THE NEW T.O.?

 

With receiver Terrell Owens done for, by all appearances, the remainder of the season, the ESPN crew needs a new bad boy to whom they can supply the rope -- and then mock him when he unwittingly fashions a noose out of it.

 

How about Pacman Jones?

 

The guy has been a lightning rod on a crappy team, drawing plenty of attention for missed tackles and muffed kicks, wrapped around more than a rookie's share of coverage penalties.

 

On Sunday, Jones made another push for top spot on the turd list, as T.O. assumed the role of King Turd in exile.  According to The Nashville City Paper, Jones got into a scrap after Tennessee's loss at Cleveland.

 

According to The City Paper, the Titans had an altercation apparently with an unidentified Browns assistant coach or personnel member on the field after the game.  

 

"Security personnel had to step in to break up the matter," writes Terry McCormick, "and Jones was heard giving a profanity-filled rant about 'no coach touching me' as he made his way through the tunnel and into the Titans' locker room."

 

Jones denied that the incident involved Browns safety Sean Jones, who was a high school teammate of Pacman's.

 

"That wasn't Sean," Pacman said.  "Sean is like a brother to me.  Me and Sean grew up together, went to high school together.  He was my quarterback, and I stayed with his family when I was going through trouble.  It wasn't Sean.  It was not.  You didn't see me pushing no player, man. It wasn't Sean."

A reporter told Pacman he had seen the incident, and Pacman said, "You seen the wrong thing."

But Jones refused to identify the true target of his tirade.  "You tell me," he said in response to questions on the matter.  "Y'all might could have found out if you wouldn't have jumped to conclusions.  I'm not mad at Sean.  I'm going to leave it at that."

 

(Okay, Pac.  We let you slide on "you seen the wrong thing," since plenty of people have trouble conjugating the verb "see."  But what the f--k is "Y'all might could have found out"?  Is it even English?)

 

Jones have been involved in several off-field incidents since being selected by the Titans as the sixth overall pick in the draft.  On the field, he generally has been a disappointment, despite periodic flashes of ability.

 

And that's the biggest difference between Jones and Owens.  Sure, they're both turds.  But at least T.O. can bring it.

 

POSTED 9:07 a.m. EST; UPDATED  10:06 a.m. EST, November 7, 2005

 

WESTBROOK EXTENSION NO BIG DEAL

 

Based on initial reports regarding the contract signed by Eagles running back Brian Westbrook on Sunday, it appears that his five-year deal with the team does not compare favorably to similar contracts signed over the past year.

 

Westbrook gets $24 million on a five-year extension, with a $9 million signing bonus.  If, as reported by The Philadelphia Inquirer, the $9 million in bonus money comes in the form of a traditional signing bonus, $2.2 million of it counts against this year's cap.  But if the team instead pumped up his 2005 base salary and called the increase a "bonus," then the amount of the increase will be counted against this year's cap.

 

And our guess is that's precisely what the team did, since November 7 is the 2005 deadline for using up cap room in the current year by increasing the player's base salary.  If the agreement has no increase in Westbrook's 2005 salary and a traditional signing bonus, the same deal could have been done as late as December 31.

 

Regardless of the cap maneuverings, Westbrook is now tied to the team through 2010.  Assuming that the $24 million is all "new" money, Westbrook's total package is worth $25.43 million over six seasons.

 

In contrast, Rudi Johnson of the Bengals is working under a five-year, $26 million contract, which included $12 million in guaranteed money.  LaMont Jordan received a five-year, $27.5 million deal from the Raiders.  

 

And Westbrook's deal doesn't come close to mega-deals signed over the past year or so by LaDainian Tomlinson of the Chargers, Clinton Portis of the Redskins, and/or Deuce McAllister of the Saints.  (However, each of those contracts have high-end salaries in the out years, and their practical length and value is closer in line with the Johnson-Jordan market.)

 

This latest development doesn't bode well for 2006 free agents like Shaun Alexander, Jamal Lewis, and Edgerrin James, since teams will point to the Westbrook deal when dealing with them.  

 

From Westbrook's perspective, the deal is good but not great.  But with a torn ligament trifecta always one play away for a guy who is banging into a scrum of 300-pounders, Westbrook took the safe route.  Sure, he could have started earning franchise salaries as of 2006 in the range of $7 million and climbing at a rate of 120 percent per year.  All it takes, though, is one serious injury for a tailback to be tossed onto the scrap heap, especially since there always seems to be a glut of new ball carriers coming from the college ranks.

 

To their credit, the Eagles knew the market well, and played their leverage to perfection with Westbrook.  How could a former third-round draft pick who never got a big bonus turn his nose up at the opportunity to cash in, when each and every week presents another chance for him to fall down and never get up again?  

 

We wonder whether, at some point, college and high school kids who otherwise might be inclined to tote the big will start looking to other positions that have less glory -- but longer careers and more cash.  Then again, if more and more capable corners start churning out of the draft pool, the market will adjust based on tried-and-true notions of supply and demand.

 

LEAGUE WILL SOCK IT TO PORTIS, TAYLOR

 

Redskins running back Clinton Portis and safety Sean Taylor can expect to receive a letter this week from the league office requesting that they each make a generous contribution to a little charity known officially as the big pot of money into which player fines are deposited.  (Or maybe it's the Human Fund.)

 

Both departed from the official team uniform by sporting non-uniform socks in Sunday night's game against the Eagles.  Portis had a solid burgundy wrap over one calf that ended above a bare ankle, and a similar concoction on the other leg with gold and white horizontal stripes in the middle.  Taylor's white socks had four sets of burgundy-and-gold stripes; everyone else (except Portis) had one.

 

[Ugly and expensive.]

 

Last year, Portis and Taylor pulled similar stunts in back-to-back games.  Said Portis at the time, "That is a stupid fine for the simple fact that they want everybody to be the same.  This is an individual game, you know.  That is the thing that has the league being the No. 1 sport, because different personalities come together as one and people enjoyed that."  

 

Both are subject to fines of $10,000, at a minimum.  Given that they both previously have been fined twice and still apparently haven't gotten the message as to what is/isn't acceptable, the league has the ability to impose higher fines based on their specific circumstances.

 

The league also may impose a fine on the "team management and coaching staff" if it is determined that they have condoned or permitted the violation.  Given that someone inside the locker room surely knew that Taylor and Portis were in non-conforming socks -- and that they'd done twice it before -- we wouldn't be surprised if someone gets their knuckles smacked for not smacking down Taylor and Portis, especially since the violations occurred in a nationally-televised game. 

 

And we're not here to pass judgment on whether it makes sense to require complete and total uniformity.  However, the rules are the rules.  If guys like Portis and Taylor don't like it, they can try to find a professional football league that will not only pay them millions to play a game but also allow them to dress themselves in any manner that they see fit.

 

One last point.  Our guess is that the NFL won't remind the media when issuing the fines to Portis and Taylor that Broncos quarterback Jake Plummer got a pass when committing his own uniform violation several weeks back by not wearing the "Futbol Americano" decal?  Though the rules require in such cases a minimum fine of $5,000, the NFL (in our estimation) decided that what the Spanish-speaking world doesn't know won't hurt the league's effort to remove la leche from a cash cow named Juanita.

 

MONDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

At 1-7 and sinking, Packers QB Brett Favre seems to be acknowledging the reality that . . . it's . . . over.

 

Jets WR Wayne Chrebet suffered yet another concussion on Sunday (and we think it's time for this Wayne to sing "Danke Schoen" and bid farewell to football).

 

Jom Souhan of The Minneapolis Star Tribune calls Vikings QB Brad Johnson "the best quarterback in the worst division in football history."

 

Steelers RB Willie Parker has an ankle injury and LB James Farrior has a sprained MCL.

 

The Lions are down for the count.

 

[It's "one . . . two . . . three" for the boys in Motown.]

 

Before the Panthers' official web site went offline on Monday morning (imagine that), we saw that one of the two Tampa Tomcats was the featured TopCat of the week.

 

[Have at it, Gregg Easterbook.]

 

A reader advises us that Howard Stern said on the air that he plans to offer Thelma and Louise positions as the official cheerleaders of his forthcoming satellite radio show.

 

Texans QB David Carr and DE Gary Walker got into an argument on the way to the locker room after Sunday's loss to the Jacksonville (said Carr to Walker, "I've been hit by bigger men than you . . . lots of them . . . lots of times . . . what's my name again?")

 

Why did Chiefs coach Dick Vermeil go for the win instead of the tie?  "I just figured I'm too old to wait," Vermeil said.

 

Brooks and done and back again?

 

After Lions WR Charles Nelson Rogers was left in Detroit for Sunday's game at Minnesota, it's time to declare him a complete and total bust:  "He's not the same Charles that I knew," CEO Matt Millen said. 

 

Roughly two of ever three seats were empty in Baton Rouge.

 

One guy who skipped the Saints game was owner Tom Benson, who claims that he life was in danger during the team's prior visit to Tiger Stadium; "Benson sucks," said one fan.  "He's old and senile."

 

POSTED 9:39 p.m. EST, November 6, 2005

 

SWOOPES, THERE IT IS

 

We didn't have much to say a couple of weeks ago when WNBA star Cheryl Swoopes announced that she's gay because, well, she's a WNBA star.  (Besides, it's not like she has to worry about taking grief at road games from all of the raging heterosexuals in attendance.)

 

Leave it to the NFL to outdo yet another of the lower-tier sports.

 

According to WTSP in Tampa, two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders were arrested after an altercation sparked when (we advise that you sit down) they were caught "engaged in some type of sexual activity inside a bathroom stall."

 

A woman waiting to use the facilities got into an argument with the unambiguously gay duo -- which likely included statements like, "Could you please take your sexual activity elsewhere so I can poop?" -- and was punched in the face by one of them, a cheerleader named Renee Thomas.

 

When Thomas was arrested for battery, she gave the name of another Panthers cheerleader.  She could face chares of lying to police.

 

Her, um, partner, Angela Keathley, was charged with disorderly conduct and obstructing or opposing an officer.

 

[Thelma and Louise pose for their mug shots.]

 

There's no word yet on whether Thomas and Keathley were fired by the Panthers.  If they are, perhaps the Vikings will be interested in hiring them.

 

POSTED 12:26 p.m. EST, November 6, 2005

 

OWENS, DOUGLAS HAVE THURSDAY THROWDOWN

 

Mark Eckel of The Trenton Times reports and ESPN's Chris Mortensen and Jay Glazer of FOXSports.com confirm that Eagles receiver Terrell Owens and team "ambassador" Hugh Douglas got into a fistfight/wrestling match in the team's weight room on Thursday, hours before Owens teed off on the team and quarterback Donovan McNabb in an ESPN interview.

 

Mortensen said on ESPN's Sunday NFL Countdown that the incident occurred after Douglas entered the weight room and declared that he knows that some guys are faking injuries.  At the time, there were questions as to whether Owens' ankle injury was legitimate, since the team initially said that it didn't know when Owens had been hurt. 

 

Glazer reported on the FOX pregame show that Owens was in the pool at the training facility when the argument broke out between him and Douglas.  Owens then went to put on his shoes -- so he'd have traction -- and then engaged Douglas in a fight.

 

Eckel reports that the ensuing scrum "was like WWE Smackdown," and that both men threw at least two punches.

 

All three report that, after the fight was over, Owens challenged his teammates to a second round.  "You want some," Owens said first to Donovan McNabb and then to the other players present. "Anyone else want some."

 

Let's take all of this a step further.  With Owens now suspended for conduct detrimental to the team and given that he has the ability to pursue a grievance regarding the team's decision not to pay him for Sunday night's game against the 'Skins, won't Owens argue that the team intentionally baited T.O. into a blowup by sending Douglas, a non-player, into the locker room with hostile intentions? 

 

Even if there's no evidence that management gave Douglas the nod, the fact that he's on the payroll could support an argument the team automatically is responsible for the conduct of its non-player employees, and that the team therefore provoked Owens into the very behavior for which he was suspended.

 

Still, even if Owens has a leg to stand on before an arbitrator, the reality is (as we see it) that T.O. will never wear the green helmet again.  The only issue is whether Owens gets paid not to play in any of the next nine games.

 

POSTED 11:49 a.m. EST, November 6, 2005

 

NO MORA HUFFING FOR JIM

 

ESPN's Chris Mortensen reports that Falcons coach Jim Mora has decided to abandon his ammonia capsule habit due to criticism he received that the behavior sends a very bad message to kids who might, by watching him, conclude that it's okay to sniff stuff.

 

Mort didn't mention the source of the criticism, but we can only assume that Mora was referring to our item from October 25 calling him out for this conduct, especially since:  (1) Mora is a self-confessed reader of this here site; (2) we've seen no other criticism of this practice in print.

 

"Though ammonia isn't a threshold drug," we wrote the day after the Falcons-Jets Monday nighter featuring shots of Mora using and sharing shots of ammonia, "the act of inhaling anything for fun is a threshold behavior that can lead to more dangerous and addictive sniffing activities.

 

"Kids, after all, aren't in a position to understand the things that will hurt them and the things that won't.  Ammonia capsules, from what yours truly recalls as Florio Jr. was making his now-I-know-why-I-didn't-got-to-medical-school entrance into the world, surely smell like they can cause harm -- and kids who think it's okay to stick them under their noses because Coach Mora did it could then decide to sample the bouquet of other substances, once they get bored with the aroma of ammonia. 

 

"So knock off the ammonia sniffing, Jim.  You really need to think about the impact it can have on the youngsters who see you doing it."

 

Regardless of whether Coach Mora was heeding our advice or he listened to someone else, we're glad that he won't require an intervention to keep himself from huffing the next time Mike Vick throws an interception.

 

POSTED 11:25 a.m. EST, November 6, 2005

 

G-MEN FALLING INTO SAN FRAN TRAP?

 

Word out of New York via San Fran is that some folks within the Giants organization are questioning the wisdom of the team's decision to make the loooooong trek to the West Coast on Saturday. 

 

NFL rules require travel to the game site at least a day before the game, but many teams typically make a coast-to-coast flight two days prior to kickoff, in order to get properly acclimated to the time difference and to recover from a flight that can be five hours or longer in duration.

 

The Giants played a Sunday night game in California earlier this year.  They traveled on Saturday.

 

And promptly got waxed by the Chargers.

 

This time around, the G-men probably think that they're good enough to roll the Niners even if they roll in as late as Sunday morning.  But we're not so sure that they merely show up and win against a team that surprised the Bucs a week ago.

 

Especially since they just got to town a day ago.

 

WHO WANTS T.O.?

 

The Eagles don't, but someone surely will.  This is, after all, a league in which putting asses in seats is almost as important in some cities as putting check marks in the "W" column.

 

So who'll want Owens when, as we reported earlier on Sunday, the Eagles choose not to pay $7.5 million in option and roster bonus money come March 2006 to The Mouth That Bored?

 

Let's start with the traditional turd collectors -- the Redskins, Bucs, and Broncos.  Any of them, in our view, could be willing to take a flier on Terrell, especially if his signing bonus is paid out in increments over time and tied directly to good behavior.

 

If the Tuna comes back for another go with the 'Boys, Dallas could be in the running.  Some readers have speculated that T.O.'s mutual verbal grope-fest with former Cowboy Michael Irvin is proof that Owens would like to wear the star that he once desecrated.

 

[Owens could be hoping that folks in Big D have forgotten about this minor little incident from five years ago.]

 

The Vikings have been inclined of late to lure turds into the toilet bowl (e.g., Koren Robinson, Toniu Fonoti), but there's no way that owner Zygi Wilf will welcome a man filled with so much hate to the land of the Love Boat.

 

Owens surely is interested in joining the Falcons, but adding a truly elite receiver would only expose the flaws of quarterback Michael Vick as a passer.  And it would introduce into the locker room a very loud voice that won't go along with the "It's Not Mike, It's The Receivers" propaganda.

 

Other teams could be interested in Owens, but we doubt that they'd be willing to pay the kind of money that a franchise like the Redskins will plop onto the table, especially if it looks like the Cowboys might be interested.  Though the 'Skins will take a big cap hit when they scalp LaVar Arrington, they'll also avoid more than $7 million in 2006 payments to him -- and that's money that could go right into T.O.'s pockets.

 

Coach Joe Gibbs might hesitate given Terrell's track record, and the team might deny for now having any interest in Owens, in order to deflect any allegations of tampering (see Milloy, Lawyer).  In the end, our guess is that owner Dan Snyder will persuade Gibbs that Owens, if motivated and happy, can be the difference between another close-but-no-cigar season and a possible Super Bowl victory.

 

And don't rule out the Rosenhaus factor.  He has a very good relationship with the Redskins, three of his clients have key roles with the team -- running back Clinton Portis, receiver Santana Moss, and safety Sean Taylor.  Assuming that Rosenhaus can control T.O., a marriage between Owens and the 'Skins could work, for at least one full season.

 

Remember this:  Rosenhaus doesn't make a dime off of T.O. until Owens signs a new deal, since it was someone else who negotiated his contract in Philly.  Although it's a violation of NFL rules for teams to talk to or about players under contract with other organizations, it happens in the NFL.  All the time.  And our guess is that, before Owens blew up the bridge in Philly, he got a pretty strong wink-nod indication from Drew that there's someone else who'll pay him handsomely in 2006, after his ugly breakup with the Eagles becomes a memory. 

 

POSTED 7:41 a.m. EST, November 6, 2005

 

T.O. WILL GET HIS WISH

 

Though Eagles receiver Terrell Owens likely didn't want to be tossed by the team for Sunday night's game against the Redskins and lose 1/17th of his $3.5 million salary, the words that provoked in an indefinite suspension for conduct detrimental to the team guarantee that the Eagles will not exercise a $7.5 million option to retain his services in March 2006.

 

Then again, Owens didn't have to keep flapping his yap to get his ticket out of Philly.  A league source tells us that the team decided approximately two weeks ago not to bring Owens back in 2006.

 

It was (and still will be) painful for the team to grant Owens his long-coveted release.  He wanted to be traded or released prior to the 2005 season, and there's a sense that the team is giving him want he wants by letting him go, and thus "losing" the high-stakes stare down with the guy they never should have signed, in hindsight.  Still, we'd heard that Owens planned to continue to be a pain in the ass if the Eagles pay him the $7.5 million and keep him beyond this season, and the team has had enough.

 

So even as the players have gotten to the point where they are numb to Turd-ell's antics, the organization has had enough.  Bob Brookover of The Philadelphia Inquirer reports that the organization's decision to suspend was fueled by Owens' failure to include in his "apology" a second paragraph regarding his implied criticism of quarterback Donovan McNabb, resulting from his verbal embrace of Packers quarterback Brett Favre.

 

(Hey, since T.O. isn't doing anything else this Sunday and possibly for the next three, maybe ESPN can add him to the booth with Joe Theismann and company.  Owens, after all, is qualified to do color commentary for the network:  (1) he has played in the NFL; and (2) he is willing to publicly smooch Favre on the fudge can.)

 

Officially, the "indefinite" suspension is for this week only.  As we explained on Friday, the team may suspend him for up to four games without pay for conduct detrimental to the team, and Owens may file a non-injury grievance to challenge the decision.  If, for example, Owens can show that other Eagles have engaged in similar behavior and have not been punished, Owens might be able to get his money.

 

And it remains possible that the team will attempt to stack one four-week suspension on top of another, arguing multiple "counts" of detrimental conduct -- especially if T.O. continues to run his mouth while on suspension.

 

Meanwhile, the bigger question becomes whether anyone will pay Owens $7.5 million or more in bonus money on the open market in order to secure his services for 2006.  We'll break down that question later in the day.

 

BIG BEN GONE FOUR WEEKS?

 

There are quiet concerns in the 'Burgh that quarterback Ben Roethlisberger could miss up to four games after undergoing arthroscopic surgery to remove a piece of torn meniscus.

 

Published reports state that Roethlisberger will miss Sunday's game at the Packers and possibly next week's game against the Browns.

 

If so, the Steelers would have to rely upon (gulp) Charlie Batch or (involuntary bowel release) Tommy Maddox also for games against Baltimore and Indy -- both of which will be on the road.

 

Roethlisberger hurt his knee early in Monday night's victory over the Ravens.  The irony here is that it was an injury suffered against the Ravens by then-starter Maddox that put Roethlisberger on the field as a rookie -- and that enabled him to secure the job.

 

We seriously doubt, however, that Batch or Maddox will now pull a Roethlisberger on Ben.  If he's gone for four weeks, the Steelers won't be the same, and they will be hard pressed to hold on in their fight with the Bengals for first place.  Pittsburgh could win without Ben at Green Bay and at home against the Browns, but it will be a tall order to win back-to-back road games against Baltimore and the team that used to be in Baltimore.

 

POSTED 7:59 a.m. EST, November 5, 2005

 

CHIEFS FED UP WITH VERMEIL

 

A league source tells us that the players in Kansas City are teetering toward mutiny due to what they perceive to be excessive intensity on the part of Chiefs coach Dick Vermeil.

 

Vermeil simply has been pushing them too hard, with in-season practices of 2 hours and 45 minutes in full pads. 

 

We're also told that Vermeil never eases off of the sense of urgency, and that it's mentally and physically wearing the players down.

 

It's an old-school approach to a game that has changed much over the past decade or so.  In-season practices and even training camp generally are less strenuous, for a variety of reasons.  The proliferation of offseason workouts give coaches many more opportunities to teach their systems, lightening the agendas for July and August.  Also, with true free agency in the NFL, teams realize that factors such as grueling practices could keep a guy from coming to town.

 

As we see it, Vermeil's decision to push the team hard this year indicates that he doesn't plan to be back in 2006 -- since it suggests that he isn't worried about his ability to attract or retain available players.  But he still needs to make it through 2005, and the concern in the locker room is that a team with Super Bowl potential is being kept from fulfilling that promise by a head coach who is simply squeezing them too tightly. 

 

BENSON HAS LOST HIS MIND

 

When we read the text of Tom Benson's now-infamous e-mail message to Paul Tagliabue regarding Benson's alleged near-death experience in Baton Rouge, we concluded that perhaps Benson is pretending to be Looney Tunes in order to render a return by the Saints to Louisiana impractical.

 

We're now told that folks within the organization have concluded that it's not an act.  Benson, they believe, has misplaced his marbles.

 

Still, Benson had the presence of mind to arrange for the leak of his e-mail message.  We're told that the inflammatory document did indeed make its way to the media from someone in the organization, and the strong suspicious is that the leak occurred at Benson's direct behest.

 

We're not suggesting that there has been any clinical diagnosis of conditions that technically would suggest that one or more screws are loose; instead, this report is based on the opinions of folks who have observed his conduct and demeanor.  He is behaving, we're told, in a manner that rational folks would consider irrational.  

 

Of course, any rational folks who saw the "When NFL Owners Attack" video would agree with that assessment.  The key here is that people inside the building agree based on their own experiences, and it's enough to cause us to conclude that Benson hasn't cooked up this routine in an effort to get out of New Orleans.

 

Bottom line -- the folks in San Antonio might want to be careful as to what they are wishing for.

 

EAGLES NUMB TO T.O.'S ANTICS

 

If the standard for suspending Terrell Owens is that he engaged in "conduct detrimental to the team," it's possible that his latest escapades don't merit a suspension.

 

Why?  Because the team has grown numb to his shenanigans.

 

We're told that the players in the Eagles locker room generally did not react to Owens' recent criticism of the organization and quarterback Donovan McNabb.  It seems that they have become accustomed to the stream of stupidity flowing from T.O.'s mouth.

 

According to The Philadelphia Inquirer, the organization has not yet decided whether to suspend Owens.

 

"Hey, if I am [suspended], I am," Owens said.  "That would be a discredit to the team and obviously it would hurt the team. It would be a sad situation.  Those guys are going to try to do their best to win the game, and I'll be behind those guys 100 percent."

 

The 4-3 Eagles face the 4-3 Redskins on Sunday night.  The loser will claim last place in the NFC East.

 

SATURDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

The Pats have dumped S Arturo Freeman and signed RB Mike Cloud.

 

T.O.'s miraculous recovery from an ankle injury that, as of Wednesday, was going to cause him to miss two games; instead, he's now practiced two days in a row.

 

From the "No One Really Gives A Sh-t Anymore" file, Packers QB Brett Favre says that his decision on whether to retire after the season could hinge on whether coach Mike Sherman returns.

 

From the "Sometimes It's Extremely Expensive To Get Your Freak On" file, Texans LB Antwan Peek owes the mothers of his four kids roughly $200,000 for child support.

 

The NFL Europe training camp might move even farther away from Europe.

 

Redskins DT Cornelius Griffin likely will not play on Sunday night against the Eagles.

 

Got meniscus?

 

The Chargers have broken the bank for P Greg Scifres.

 

The Vikings eyeballed QB Rohan Davey, QB Doug Johnsons, and QB Preston Parsons on Friday.  (Editor's Note:  We provided a link to Parsons' player page on SI.com in the event that you, like us, had no f--king idea who the guy is.)

 

Romo says he's trying to find "peace" (and he'll get there if enough of you buy . . . his . . . book).

 

The Seahawks are 0-6 in games following bye weeks under coach Mike Holmgren.

 

The Vikings are changing up their approach to defense; "It looks good right now but so did the other weeks," said CB Antoine Winfield.

 

POSTED 4:41 p.m. EST, November 4, 2005

 

VIKINGS DUMPED LOVE BOAT EVIDENCE?

 

KTSP-TV in Minneapolis reports that two Vikings players were seen throwing trash in a dumpster at a construction site, one week after the alleged Love Boat cruise on Lake Minnetonka.

 

Tackle Bryant McKinnie and running back Mewelde Moore, per the report, pitched eight bags of trash into the dumpster.

 

According to the KTSP web site, "The eight bags contained what appeared to be remnants of a party, including aluminum tins of food, beer and champagne bottles, fireworks, disposable camera boxes, hallowed [sic] out cigars, something that looks like a marijuana bud, sexual and feminine hygiene products and Victoria's Secret underwear." 

 

More significantly, the trash also contains airline boarding passes bearing McKinnie's name, along with a list of women's names.

 

"'Incoming Flights (pickups)' and was written on a piece of Minnesota Vikings paper," says the report.  "It contained women's names, airlines and flight times.  The names 'Iris and Liris' are at the top, followed by 'Nivie + 5', 'Ayana and Dionne and Aisha', 'Sandra' and 'Tanika plus 3'. The total is 16."

 

For the full story, including an admission by McKinnie of dumping the trash and comments from one of the women on the list, click here.

 

In our view, it's more than enough evidence to support, at a minimum, an investigation into whether McKinnie or anyone else violated the federal law prohibiting the transportation of persons across state lines for engaging in prostitution.

 

POSTED 4:06 p.m. EDT, November 4, 2005

 

APOLOGY T.O. LITTLE, T.O. LATE?

 

We're picking up some initial rumblings out of Philly that Terrell Owens' effort to apologize for his latest round of harsh comments against the Eagles and quarterback Donovan McNabb might not be enough to avert a suspension of the Pro Bowl receiver.

 

The Eagles, we hear, currently are pondering their options.  Article VIII of the CBA permits a suspension for conduct detrimental to the team of up to four weeks in duration, without pay.  In theory, it's possible that the team could attempt to suspend Owens for two "counts" of detrimental conduct, thereby enabling them to put him out of action for most of the remainder of the regular season.

 

Any dispute regarding the imposition of such discipline would be subject to a Non-Injury Grievance under Article IX of the CBA.

 

POSTED 3:49 p.m. EST, November 4, 2005

 

T.O. APOLOGIZES TO EAGLES

 

A day after criticizing the team for not making a big deal out of his 100th touchdown catch and stating that the team would be better off with Packers quarterback Brett Favre at the helm in place of Donovan McNabb, Eagles receiver Terrell Owens has apologized.

 

"I've had an opportunity to talk with the Eagles organization and I have learned that the team does not recognize individual achievements," Owens said.  "It has been brought to my attention that I have offended the organization and my teammates.  Therefore, I would like to apologize for any derogatory comments toward them."

 

One day ago, Owens lambasted the team for not uncorking the champagne when he entered the end zone for the 100th time.

 

"That right there just shows you the type of class and integrity that they claim not to be," said Owens.  "They claim to be first class and the best organization.  It's an embarrassment.  It just shows a lack of class they have.  My publicist talked to the head PR guy, and they made an excuse they didn't recognize that was coming up.  But that was a blatant lie.  Had it been somebody else, they probably would have popped fireworks around the stadium."

 

As to the quarterback position, Owens said:  "A number of commentators will say [Favre is] a warrior, he's played with injuries.  I feel like him being knowledgeable about the quarterback position, I feel like we'd probably be in a better situation."

 

Owens reportedly apologized in order to avoid a suspension.  Apology notwithstanding, our guess is that T.O.'s words were intended to ensure that the team opts not to pick up $7.5 million in option and roster boni due in March 2006, which would then make him a free agent.

 

It remains to be seen, of course, whether anyone will pay him $7.5 million or more in bonus money on the open market.  Owens, it seems, is betting that someone will.

 

POSTED 12:01 a.m. EST, November 4, 2005

 

NFLPA CLARIFIES NOVEMBER 7 DEADLINE

 

If you think you're confused about all of the various dates and deadlines that pop up throughout the NFL regular season, you're not alone.

 

Even the NFL agents don't quite understand how it all fits together.

 

Want proof?  On Thursday, the NFL Players Association sent a memo to all agents explaining that the looming November 7 deadline is not the final date in 2005 on which any contract extensions must be concluded.  Instead, it is the date after which any increases in base salary for the current year are treated as signing bonuses, with the money being prorated for cap purposes in multiple years.

 

Renegotiations that partially count against the 2005 cap are still permitted through Saturday of the last regular season weekend.  This year, the deadline is December 31.

 

So the November 7 deadline is relevant only to teams looking to churn up excess 2005 cap room by giving the player a salary increase in the current year in lieu of or in addition to a traditional signing bonus.

 

BEAT THE POINT SPREAD THIS WEEKEND

 

Per our friends at Pick2Pick.com, if you're looking to beat the spread and make some cash, check out this week's locks provided by Pick2Pick.com

 

FRIDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

A day after being listed a doubtful, T.O. returned to practice; his quarterback missed practice with a bruised rib.

 

Pittsburgh is in a Batch of trouble -- Big Ben will miss Sunday's game and possibly another after having loose cartilage removed from his knee.

 

Raiders WR Randy Moss missed practice for a second straight day and is listed as questionable with a bruised taint.

 

The Dolphins-Falcons game is a sellout, and will be televised locally.

 

A total of 13 Pats are questionable for Monday night against the Colts.

 

Colts DE Dwight Freeney (foot) missed practice Thursday but is expected to play Monday.

 

Jags owner Wayne Weaver says "thanks" to fans for taking his recent threats to leave Jacksonville seriously.

 

Chiefs coach Dick Vermeil won't say whether QB Trent Green's absence this week for his father's funeral could result in Todd Collins starting.

 

The Raiders are dumping the PSL's.

 

Three former Hurricanes will help the Redskins raise money for this year's three hurricanes.

 

Lions QB Joey Harrington isn't concerned about making mistakes in his return to the starting lineup due to injuries to Jeff Garcia; "I mean, what are they going to do bench me?" Harrington said.

 

Chris Simms and George Jefferson play the Pyramid on Buccaneers.com.

 

The Tuna expects RB Julius Jones to return to practice soon.

 

Pats QB Tom Brady has settled his lawsuit against General Motors.

 

Seahawks RB Shaun Alexander continues to piss away his leverage.

 

Redskins LB LaVar Arrington is trying to gather charred pieces of bridge.

 

POSTED 9:05 a.m. EST, November 3, 2005

 

'HAWKS NERVOUS ABOUT HANDING CASH TO SHAUN

 

Seattle running back Shaun Alexander continues to perform like one of the best running backs in the NFL.  He's operating under a one-year deal.  The team has agreed not to slap the franchise or transition tag on him after the season.  And he has said that he wants to stay with the Seahawks.

 

So why hasn't a long-term deal been consummated?

 

A league source tells us that the organization is concerned that Alexander's consistently strong play over the past two seasons might be the direct result of the fact that he has been in a continuous "contract year."  In 2004, he was working under the final year of his rookie deal.  Now, after signing the one-year franchise tender with a promise not to be tendered again, Alexander is playing for a more certain payday.

 

But the team is worried that, if/when the payday comes, his performance will decline.

 

Perhaps that's why the team is waiting it out.  With the 'Hawks in position to win the NFC West and possibly earn a first-round bye in the playoffs, there's no cause to give Shaun a reason to relax.  Also, with the possibility of a torn ligament trifecta always one play away, why not ride it out under the one-year deal and then work out a contract with him if he's healthy in February?

 

Sure, Alexander might decide to test the market by then.  But with the demand for aging free-agent running backs still on the soft side and the teams that normally can't resist a big name (Tampa, Denver, Washington) set at the position, the smart move for Seattle might just be to let Alexander see what's out there.  

 

The fact that he has declared his intention and desire to stay in Seattle isn't helping him to score big at the bank vault, because it tells the team that he likely won't get to a point where he's pissed off at the organization and will accept equal or less money elsewhere.

 

If Alexander becomes a free agent, he could draw interest from teams like the Packers, the 49ers, the Cardinals, the Eagles (if they don't sign Brian Westbrook), the Colts (if they don't sign Edgerrin James), the Jaguars, the Browns, and the Titans.

 

The Packers and Niners likely would be significant players in the Alexander sweepstakes, given the presence in those organizations of former Seahawks front-office employees Ted Thompson and Scot McCloughan.

 

But with the market currently in the neighborhood of five years, $25 million, and given that Alexander is closing in on 30, the smart move for the 'Hawks would be to defer any serious discussions until the season ends.

 

Especially if they fear that he'll ease off the gas once the cash is in the trunk.

 

BENSON BLASTS BATON ROUGE

 

And so it continues.

 

Because the league essentially has prevented Saints owner Tom Benson from making public or private statements reflecting his intentions for his franchise and has (by all appearances) forced him to affirm his commitment to Louisiana, Benson seems to be trying a different tack in his effort to uproot his team.

 

This time around, someone has leaked the text of an e-mail message that Benson sent to NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue and other league office personnel (presumably General Counsel Jeff Pash and COO Roger Goodell) regarding Benson's experiences in Baton Rouge.

 

The message, dictated to and published by WWL-TV in New Orleans, reads as follows:

 

_{-----------------------------------------------------------------------}

 

Paul, Roger, Jeff,

My trip to Baton Rouge was a total disaster.  As my wife and the rest of my party left the suite, well before the end of the game, we were attacked by a number of hecklers who shouted obscentities [sic] at me and my party and put my wife and family in danger.  Security was inadequate and nonexistent and we were led out through a hostile crowd on a very long route.  If it had not been for my grandson and his friend, we could have all been severely injured or killed.  In addition, the media was forcing cameras in our faces and slowing down our escape from a very dangerous situation and experience.  We finally escaped without serious injury, but only due to luck and the intervention of my grandson and his friend.  Secruity [sic] had completely abandoned us.

After this traumatic experience, I will not return to Baton Rouge for any reason, including any games scheduled for the end of this season or a contemplated next season.  No person, much less the owner of an NFL team, should have either he, his family, or his friends subjected to this form of danger, intimidation, and abuse.  We will not be back in Baton Rouge for any reason.  I was advised not to go, but wanted to support the league.  It was my mistake.  I wanted each of you to know of this miserable experience and disappointment to me after i [sic] had tried to cooperate in every way.

Sincerely,

Tom Benson

_{-----------------------------------------------------------------------}

A copy of the message also was obtained by The New Orleans Times-Picayune.

And there is evidence that Benson is, well, lying.

"His life was definitely not in danger," said WWL-TV reporter Lee Zurick. "No one went after him.  He went after people."

Also, The Times-Picayune reports that security efforts at the Dolphins-Saints game in Baton Rouge were praised.

Though, on the surface, it might appear that Benson has finally gone Cocoa Puffs, there's a chance that he's willing to feign mental instability in order to ensure that he gets his way when it comes to where the Saints will play.  Like a mob boss sitting at counsel table sporting slippers and an oxygen moustache, Benson could be playing the "I'm old and confused and sympathetic" card in order to get what he wants.

Out of Louisiana.

Indeed, with the NFL slamming the brakes on any efforts by Benson to move to San Antonio, and with guys like Cowboys owner Jerry Jones publicly stating that the team needs to stay in New Orleans (i.e., it needs to stay out of Texas), Benson likely has figured out that he can force a move by forcing the issue.  

If the NFL had wanted to play the Saints games next season in Baton Rouge, Benson has essentially torpedoed that strategy.  And with no other suitable facility in Louisiana and with the Superdome not likely to be in a position to host NFL games in 2006, Benson probably will get to play his home games in San Antonio.  

With Benson's bridges to the Bayou being blown to smithereens by the text of his own e-mail message, a return in 2007 or beyond is looking remote.

As to the e-mail, does it take a rocket surgeon to figure out that Benson or someone close to leaked its contents?  There's no way that Tagliabue or Pash or Goodell blabbed, and it's rare if not unprecedented for the support staff at the league office to spill beans.  Also, we'd be very interested to know when the message was sent -- because if it went through the wires on Wednesday, three days after the alleged incident, it looks far more like the product of careful calculation.

So, in our opinion, Benson knew exactly what he was doing here, and we'd bet that his fit of madness is masking an exercise in evil genius. 

POSTED 7:42 p.m. EST, November 2, 2005

 

TITANS LOSING FAITH IN FISHER?

 

As Titans coach Jeff Fisher continues to make excuses for first-round rookie corner Pacman Jones, we're hearing that some players within the locker room are starting to lose confidence in their boss.

 

In response to the reality that Jones, the sixth overal pick in the draft and first defensive player selected, is failing to make tackles, getting burned, and committing plenty of penalties, Fisher is perceived as making excuses.

 

The end result is that players believe Fisher isn't interested in winning this year, since the team essentially is giving up the side of the field where Jones is covering.

 

WEDNESDAY NIGHT ONE-LINERS

 

The ESPN.com version of Mort's report on the T.O. injury has been tweaked to remove any suggestion that the team isn't aware of how or when he twisted his ankle.

 

The Falcons have added DB Antuan Edwards and LB Artie Ulmer, a former first-rounder of the Packers who has played for a bunch of teams.

 

We suggest that the FBI and NFL officials refrain from playing legal footsie with folks engaged in potentially suspicious activities at football stadiums.

 

QB Kurt Warner returns to the starting lineup for the Cardinals.

 

Pats LB Tedy Bruschi is the AFC defensive player of the week.

 

RB Amos Zereoue is back on the open market, cut by the Pats.

 

The Jets have entered into a three-year deal with Sportsnet New York to provide television content.

 

Ravens LB Ray Lewis and S Ed Reed likely will miss Sunday's game against he Bengals.

 

Browns RB Reuben Droughns is sorry for his DUI arrest (he'll be even more sorry when he's trying to get paid as an unrestricted free agent come March).

 

Steelers TE Heath Miller is the NFL Rookie of the Month.

 

The Colts returned to practice on Wednesday following a bye week break.

 

Chiefs RB Priest Holmes remains questionable with a head injury.

 

The Cowboys have signed OT Marc Colombo.

 

Eagles K David Akers (torn hamstring) has returned to the practice.

 

Lions WR Charles Nelson Rogers is back after a four-game sit.

 

The Pack have poop-canned CB Joey Thomas, the last third-round pick of the Mike Sherman General Manager regime.

 

POSTED 1:27 p.m. EST, November 2, 2005

 

T.O. OUT?

 

ESPN's Chris Mortensen reports that Eagles receiver Terrell Owens could miss the team's next two games due to a sprained ankle.

 

The injury is in the same leg he broke last December, against the Cowboys.

 

Per Mortensen, Owens told the team on Monday that his ankle was hurting so badly that he doubts he can play against the Redskins and feels uncertain about his status a November 14 Monday nighter against Dallas.

 

The team, per Mortensen, doesn't when Owens was hurt.

 

Hmmm.  We're not doctors, but ankle injuries don't usually pop up after a night in the sack.  Instead, it's something that you know you've done when it happens, and it's typically evidenced by factors such as, you know, limping.

 

There were rumors immediately preceding Owens' one-week banishment from training camp that he was deliberately milking a groin injury in further protest of his contract.  Stay tuned for more innuendo and speculation that Owens is faking an ankle injury, possibly in order to avoid a real injury that would affect his ability to get paid in March 2006.

 

WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON ONE-LINERS

 

Broncos rookie CB Dominique Foxworth will return to Maryland during the bye week to help with the Terps' recruiting efforts (hopefully he won't tell the preps about the night that Ralph Friedgen tried to eat him).

 

["I didn't want to actually eat him.  I just wanted to gnaw a little."]

 

Poor, sad, delusional Mike Sherman.

 

Browns RB Reuben Droughns apparently drowns his Reuben with a few too many beers.

 

Cards WR Anquan Boldin will miss 2-4 weeks with a deep bone bruise in his knee.

 

The 'Skins apparently could afford to keep LB LaVar Arrington in the doghouse when they were winning -- at 4-3 and sinking, he's suddenly poised to return to the starting lineup.

 

The Vikings will stick with two quarterbacks.

 

The Seahawks have placed S Ken Hamlin on the reserve/non-football injury list due to injuries suffered in a street fight; the team hasn't decided whether to continue to pay his salary.

 

From the "Things That Make My 9-Year-Old Son Laugh Until He Pees Himself" file, a headline in The Tennessean reads as follows:  "McNair's sack pain lingers."

 

Chiiefs RB Priest Holmes has a "mild head trauma" after getting cold-cocked by Shawne Merriman on Sunday.

 

The Broncos will release CB Lenny Walls once he recovers from a groin pull; if he clears waivers, he'll be free to sign with any team (hello, Oakland).

 

Cowboys CB Anthony Henry has a slight tear in his groin, but he still could play on November 14.

 

Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger has no knee ligament damage, but could miss Sunday's game at Lambeau.

 

Rams coach Joe Vitt got his team fired up for the Jags by showing them clips of the movie Gladiator.   (Does this mean that the Rams are ready for the playoffs?  Not yet.)

 

The wideout-starved Packers have cut sixth-round WR Craig Bragg.

 

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones wants the Saints to stay in New Orleans.

 

But still the Turdburglar is trying to lure the Saints to San Antone.

 

The book on beating the Vikings is to blitz them.

 

Dallas has derailed the A-Train.

 

Sheryl Crow will screech at halftime of the Cowboys-Broncos game on Thanksgiving.

 

Security pat-downs will resume in Tampa while litigation regarding the legality of the activity continues.

 

POSTED 1:15 a.m. EST, November 2, 2005

 

PFT TEN-PACK:  WEEK EIGHT

 

It's hard to believe that the regular-season ride is halfway over.  It's enough to make a guy get drunk, run onto the field, and take the ball out of an overrated, washed-up quarterback's hands.

 

So without further adieu (or insults to overrated, washed-up quarterbacks), our five-and-five for the week that was.

 

1.  Playoff Teams Coming Into Focus.  Sort Of.

 

While plenty can happen with eight or nine games to play, the six teams from each conference likely to make the postseason are declaring themselves. 

 

Kind Of.

 

In the AFC, the sure things are the Colts, the Broncos, and the Bengals.

 

Teams with good chances to make it are the Pats and Steelers, if both can win the games they're supposed to win. 

 

And that leaves one spot for a cluster of six teams -- the Chiefs, Chargers, Jags, Bills, Dolphins, and Raiders.  The Chargers are the best of the bunch, but their 4-4 mark is a major disappointment.

 

In the NFC, it's a bit harder to divine the squads with a shot at destiny.  Six teams have five wins -- but only five of them can ultimately make it to the postseason, given that the NFC North is getting the Big East treatment.

 

The Giants are looking like the cream of the crop for now, with the Panthers not far behind.  The Bears will win the NFC North, barring a collapse that only a team like the Bears could author.  And the Seahawks are running away with the West -- although the Rams could make it interesting.

 

Our predictions for now are New York, Carolina, Chicago, and Seattle, with Atlanta and Dallas earning the wild-card spots.  That'd be very bad news for Tampa, Washington, and Philly, but all three of these teams are crumbling after early successes.

 

Our Super Bowl picks?  We started off with Oakland and Carolina, and we're not yet ready to abandon the Raiders, officially. 

 

Unofficially, the Colts are looking like the best team in the league, and we must have been loopy on ammonia capsules to think that Oakland had a chance.

 

2.  Indy Braces For Monkey Game.

 

Speaking of the Colts, the 7-0 squad gets a chance to lance that 600-pound primate from its back on Monday night at New England.

 

Indy is 1-7 against the Pats during the Belichick era, 0-4 since Tony Dungy made the move from Tampa.  In 2003 and 2004, the Colts lost at New England in the postseason.

 

On paper, the 4-3 Patriots need this one worse than the Colts.  But from the standpoint of raw intangibles, Indy has to have this one in order to muster the confidence necessary to win in January. 

 

Besides, teams that lose one after getting off to a big start can soon find themselves in a full-blown free-fall.  Just ask the 2003 (and 2004) Vikings, who started losing games at about this point and couldn't break the funk.

 

Though we don't expect the Colts to follow a loss at New England by getting beaten at home by the Texans, the schedule features upcoming games against the Bengals, Steelers, Jaguars, Chargers, and Seahawks.  The best way to win most if not all of those games is to prove to all of those teams that the Colts have finally figured out how to beat the Pats.

 

We're not saying they can't.  But we won't believe that they can until they do.

 

3.  Hot Seat Update.

 

At the same time that we're able to get a good feel for the postseason posse, it's also becoming easier to eyeball the teams that will be posting "Help Wanted" signs come January 2.

 

The game already is over for Mike Martz of the Rams, Brian Billick of the Ravens, Dom Capers of the Texans, and Norv Turner of the Raiders (unless his team can make us look not like idiots by making it deep into the postseason).

 

Others who are in serious, serious trouble include Homer Simpson and his next-door neighbor, Ned Flanders.  (For those of you who just found this here site recently, we're referring to the Meathead and the Cheesehead.)  Herm Edwards of the Jets also could go, as could Steve Mariucci of the Lions and Mike Mularkey of the Bills.

 

And although these might not result in official "terminations," look for Dick Vermeil of the Chiefs and Jim Haslett of the Saints to be somewhere other than in their current jobs come 2006.  The Big Show in Seattle also could walk away with one year left on his deal, possibly to return to Green Bay for a nothing-to-lose shot at turning the Pack around post-Favre. 

 

Finally, there's still a chance that Jack Del Donut will get dunked by the Jags, if (as it appears) the team doesn't get back to the playoffs.

 

If our counting skills are any good, that's up to 13 empty seats for 2006.  Though we doubt that a baker's dozen will eventually be available, we think that eight or nine could happen.

 

The problem will be finding enough guys to take the spots.  Later this week, we'll look at all of the potential candidates.

 

4.  Karma for Culpepper?

 

NFL insiders are a superstitious bunch, and many of them are quick to point to the concept known as karma.

 

And the "K"-word has been mentioned by more than a few league insiders over the past few day in the wake of Vikings quarterback Daunte Culpepper getting McGaheed in Charlotte.

 

Culpepper, many believe, quietly lobbied for the trade of Randy Moss out of Minnesota.  After Randy's salary was off of the books, Daunte discreetly but decisively punked the team for more money.  There were rumors that he was planning to walk out of training camp just as reports of a raise hit the wire.

 

His agent, Mason Ashe, suggested that further adjustments to a contract that runs through 2013 would be discussed in the offseason. 

 

Actually, we agree.  With Culpepper grossly regressing before suffering a ligament trifecta from which he'll likely never fully recover, the Vikings should get ready to ask for a rebate.

 

5.  Okay, Go Ahead And Write Off The Eagles And The Packers.

 

A few weeks back, we argued against dismissing the chances of the Green Bay Packers and the Philadelphia Eagles. 

 

That was then.  This is, well, Wednesday.  And they both are cooked like crackers in a crock pot.  (We have no idea what that means; we just like the sound of it.)

 

The Packers are bad, and getting worse.  The Eagles are mediocre, and getting mediocre-er.

 

The solution for the Packers is easy -- blow it up.  For the Eagles, the answers will be more difficult, starting with whether to pay Terrell Owens $7.5 million in bonus money in order to keep him under contract for 2006 and beyond. 

 

Even though the team will be reluctant to let T.O. walk if they think he'll get more than $7.5 million up front on the open market, the smart move is to move on.  Sure, the team's problems likely don't trace to Terrell's offseason of discontent.  But the appearance to an objective outsider is that Owens' pissing-and-moaning has affected the team's performance.

 

So why keep him around under a contract that he thinks doesn't pay him fairly, if he'll only continue to whine and complain?   

 

They're far better off signing and/or drafting some new pass-catchers in the offseason.  Sure, to do so would be to concede that the Owens experiment was a failure. 

 

But why shouldn't the Eagles finally acknowledge what everyone else already knows?

 

Now for five non-game takes.

 

1.  We Get It, Steve.  You're Smart.

 

The key to communication of any kind is to know the audience.  We'll acknowledge that, from time-to-time, we inject a ten-dollar term into this here two-bit site.  But with Google just a click away, anyone can take 30 seconds and figure out what in the hell we're talking about.

 

But for guys who talk about football on the radio or television, using big words represents a significant departure from the obligation to inform quickly and concisely.  In such contexts, such fancy talk is merely an exercise in proving to others that the speaker is smart.

 

So we get it, Steve Young.  You went to college.  You graduated, too.  Got your law degree.  We understand.  You are smart.  Hooray for Steve.

 

So you can stop using words like "malaise" and "vortex."  Rely upon old standards like "crappy" and "storm."  You'll connect better with the masses.

 

And Michael Irvin won't look so confused.

 

2.  Where's Mike Curtis When You Need Him?

 

As we see it, the most disturbing thing about the Sunday afternoon intrusion of Bengals fan Greg Gall onto the turf at Paul Brown Stadium was that none of the 90-some guys in football uniforms saw fit to intervene.

 

Once upon a time, former Colts linebacker Mike Curtis encountered a similar situation.  And Curtis promptly put the guy on his ass.

 

[Gall would have been a special guest on "Jacked Up!" if a guy

like Curtis had been in the building.]

 

Sure, Gall was smart enough not to try to run right through the area in which the players were standing.  But the guys in pads just stood around watching as this yay-hoo invaded their space and acted like an idiot.

 

Our guess is that situations like this will continue to play out, until either the authorities beef up the criminal sanctions or until the players regard such incidents as a chance to take a free shot at guy who already had a few too many.

 

3.  Mayne Event Must Go.

 

At some long-forgotten point in time, we actually enjoyed Kenny Mayne's fluff segments.  But something happened along the way.  Possibly neutered by editor types afraid to piss off anyone living or dead, Kenny's pieces lost their irreverent charm.

 

And after two turds in consecutive weeks, it's time for Kenny to ask to be re-assigned to duties that will actually showcase his wit.

 

Last week, Mayne mailed in a spot on the Burger King dude.  This time around, Mayne pasted together a segment featuring someone in a Randy Moss mask and jersey engaging in various Halloween hijinks, and getting away with it until the real Randy Moss popped up from behind a tree to stop the perp.

 

When the mask is removed, Randy instantly recognizes the culprit as soccer chick Brandi Chastain.  (As if Moss actually would be able to pick her out of a lineup of nondescript white girls who look like guys.)

 

The acting in the bit was as compelling as a grammar school Christmas pageant, and the thing evoked not a single laugh from us.

 

So it's over Kenny.  Get out while some folks still remember that you once were funny. 

 

4.  Trick Or Treat.

 

The only thing more awkwardly uncomfortable this weekend than the Mayne Event's misfire was the appearance of a dude made up like the grim reaper with a "Scream" mask in the tackily-decorated MNF booth. 

 

It was a bush-league moment, with Al Michaels and John Madden not completely sure that the incident was even being broadcast.

 

The only thing we liked about it was that the folks at ABC didn't use it as a way to pimp one of their other crappy shows, by having someone like Freddy Prinze or Kelly Ripa or John Stossel pull of the mask in time for a blatant plug.

 

5.  The Tim McGraw Thing Needs To Go.

 

We'd love to know how much Tim McGraw is getting paid to re-bastardize the lyrics to I Like It, I Love It each and every week as the vehicle for the MNF halftime highlights package.  Because whatever the amount, it's not enough to compensate for the damage that the thing is doing to McGraw's career.

 

At a minimum, ABC needs to drop the same shots that they've been using to create the illusion that McGraw and his buddies were actually watching the games at the local bar.  There's more than enough highlights from the prior day to fill the two minutes or so of air time; we don't need to see phony shots of McGraw reacting to a play that occurred more than two months later.

 

We know that ABC has been struggling to recapture the magic that Howard Cosell brought to Monday nights when he reviewed the Sunday games in only the manner that Howie could.  And we're hoping that, when the games switch to ESPN next year, the Boys in Bristol will come up with something more compelling to fill the twelve minutes of down time between halves.

 

The sad reality is that they can't do any worse.

 

POSTED 1:34 p.m. EST, November 1, 2005

 

NINERS ADD PALMER

 

With starter Alex Smith injured and backup Ken Dorsey out as well, the Niners have signed former Giants quarterback Jesse Palmer.

 

Palmer, a former Florida quarterback, was taken by the Giants in the fourth round of the 2001 draft.  He played in 2004 under the mid-level one-year restricted free agent tender, and the team signed him to another one-year deal prior to the season.

 

But newcomer Tim Hasselbeck nudged him out for the No. 2 spot, and the Giants opted for giant-sized Jared Lorzensen at No. 3.  By all appearances, Palmer's decision to star in ABC's The Bachelor last year got him off on the wrong foot with coach Tom Coughlin, who was hired not long before Palmer took an offseason break to participate in the reality show. 

 

Palmer most recently was linked to the Bucs, who were planning to sign him if they hadn't acquired Tim Rattay from the Niners near the trading deadline.

 

Palmer gets a crack at his former squad on Sunday, when the Giants face the 49ers.  Although Cody Pickett will get the start for San Fran, Palmer will be in position to feed the coaching staff plenty of information regarding his old team.

 

POSTED 9:00 a.m. EST; UPDATED 10:30 a.m. EST, November 1, 2005

CARDS UNDECIDED ON QUARTERBACKS

We're hearing that the Arizona Cardinals have yet to determine whether they will attempt to bring back either quarterback Josh McCown or quarterback Kurt Warner -- or both -- in 2006.

McCown's rookie contract expires after the 2005 season, and Warner is working under a one-year deal.

McCown leapfrogged Warner earlier this year due in part to McCown's performance while Warner was nursing a groin injury.  Part of the reasoning, we were told, was that McCown is in a better position to provide continuity, since he's younger and more likely to be with the team in 2006.

But there's still a good chance that the Cardinals will start from scratch -- or possibly try to groom John Navarre for the job.

A wholesale change wouldn't be surprising.  Coach Denny Green made a living in Minny changing out quarterbacks, moving from Rich Gannon to Sean Salisbury to Jim McMahon to Warren Moon to Brad Johnson to Randall Cunningham to Jeff George to Daunte Culpepper from 1992 through 2000.

And before making Culpepper "the guy" prior to the 2000 season, Green tried to lure former Dolphin Dan Marino to Minnesota for one more season.

Green, then, could go in plenty of different directions next year.  He could make a play for Culpepper, who might be done with the Vikings.  Green could draft a guy.  Or Green could try to swing a trade for a youngster on another roster, such as Atlanta's Matt Schaub or San Diego's Philip Rivers or Washington's Patrick Ramsey or Chicago's Rex Grossman.

Or he could go with a retread, like A.J. Feeley or Jay Fiedler or Gus Frerotte.

Our guess is that Green will look for an established starter in free agency, with a trade as a fallback.  He's unlikely, in our view, to go with a guy who has flamed out elsewhere.

Regardless, Green made it obvious during his ten years in Minnesota that he regards quarterbacks as fungible commodities, with the overall system on offense having far more importance.  And he won with that approach -- something he has yet to do consistently in Arizona.

HALEY GETS HEAT FOR GETTING HIT

Word out of Big D is that receivers coach Todd Haley has taken plenty of heat among the players after getting walloped by the Tuna during the October 23 game against the Seahawks.  Haley chimed in during an effort by coach Bill Parcells to argue a call with the officials, and Parcells quickly spun and shoved and punched Haley.

At first, Haley sort of reveled in the incident, we're told.  But when the players started to relentlessly dog him for it, Haley backed off.

The kicker, we hear, is that the players teased Haley that he'd been "JACKED UP," a reference to the ESPN Monday Night Countdown spot that features a review of wicked hits from the day before, with the studio crew all yelling the catch phrase after each highlight is shown.

WILFORD THE FUTURE FOR THE JAGS?

Plenty of folks around the league are beginning to believe that Jaguars receiver Ernest Wilford is and will continue to be a better player than first-rounders Reggie Williams and Matt Jones.

The beliefs in this regard intensified after Wilford caught six passes for 145 yards and a touchdown against the Rams on Sunday.  It was the best performance of the season for a Jacksonville receiver.

And some of the people who are frank about Ernest include his head coach, Jack Del Rio.  On Monday, Del Rio said that Wilford has earned more playing time, and that a spot in the starting lineup is a possibility.

The Jags selected Wilford in the fourth round of the 2004 draft, three rounds after selecting Williams.  This year, Jones was taken as the 21st overall selection.

To get more playing time, Wilford will be eating into the reps of Williams and/or Jones.  As to the latter, Del Rio acknowledged that the rookie from Arkansas, who loves to try to grab the ball with one hand, is still a work in progress.

"Matt is continuing to grow as a wide receiver," Del Rio said.  "I think he'll continue to blossom.  As a coach, you want to see two hands on the ball.  He's so confident with his one hand he doesn't fight with his other hand.  We'll work with him on that."

For the season, Wilford has 15 receptions for 262 yards and three touchdowns.  Williams has snared 21 for 246 yards and no scores.  Jones caught 16 for 147 yards and two touchdowns.

If Williams and Jones can pick it up, the Jags will have an impressive trio of receivers for the future, after 36-year-old go-to guy Jimmy Smith finishes out his career.

WINFIELD LOOKING FOR A WAY OUT?

Sean Jensen of The St. Paul Pioneer Press reports that Vikings cornerback Antoine Winfield openly has criticized the team's defensive schemes.

And based on the unusual structure of Winfield's contract with the team, our guess is that he's angling for a ticket out of the Twin Cities.

"Some plays, guys are out of position.  But it's the scheme too," Winfield said. "The coaches are handcuffing us.  We played a lot of three-deep coverage, so we're going to give up a lot.  We mix in some man [coverage]. But we're putting eight in the box.  We need to be more aggressive."

"We need to go back to the drawing board," Winfield said, "work on the basics.  We had communication problems out there."

Winfield also questioned the game-day approach to covering Panthers receiver Steve Smith, who inflicted fifth-degree burns on the backside of Fred Smoot with a 200-yard receiving performance. 

"We were supposed to double [Smith]," Winfield said.  "That's all we practiced last week.  Then when the calls came in Sunday, we didn't do that, except for two out of 70 plays.  That's why he had 11 catches for 200-plus yards."

Defensive coordinator Ted Cottrell downplayed Winfield's words, but we think there's far more to it.  When Winfield signed with the team in 2004, his cash came via an eight-figure roster bonus --and no signing bonus.  As a result, the Vikes would take no acceleration by trading or releasing Winfield.

Though we doubt that Winfield is trying to get cut now (especially since he'd be required to clear waivers, given that the trade deadline has passed), our guess is that Winfield will be blowing the horn for a trade in the offseason.

Winfield is scheduled to earn $4.7 million in 2006, $4.9 million in 2007, $5.6 million in 2008, and $6 million in 2009.

So if he wants out, why would the team force him to stay?  Besides, the money that he received up front was paid not by current owner Zygi Wilf, but by former owner Red McCombs.  So if Minny could pick up a first-rounder for Winfield, it'd be hard not to let him walk.  If he wants to walk.

And we think he does.

TUESDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

Bears rookie WR Mark Bradley is out for the year with a torn ACL.

Rumors are flying regarding a possible contract extension between the Eagles and RB Brian Westbrook.

Seahawks RB Shaun Alexander might be pissing on his leverage by making repeated statements that he'll be with the team in 2006.

Coach Teflon and crew took a game ball to OL Dwayne Carswell, still hospitalized after a car accident from last week.

Bob Glauber of Newsday says that the NFL's best-kept secret isn't a secret anymore.

Big Ben might be hobbling again.

Rams interim coach Joe Vitt didn't need an angioplasty, after all.

The NFL is washing its hands of security arrangements (or the lack thereof) at Paul Brown Stadium.

Packers coach Mike Sherman shakes off his rock-bottom approval rating on ESPN.com (but he can't ignore the team's dreadful 1-6 record).

Dropped by Reebok a week ago for wearing Nike shoes in a game, Falcons CB DeAngelo Hall is still wearing Reebok shoes at practice.

The Niners could be making a play for QB J.T. O'Sullivan, who currently is on the Bears' practice squad.

Cards WR Anquan Boldin has a bone bruise (he also has an injured knee).

It'll be interesting to see what the league does with Titans coach Jeff Fisher, who gingerly questioned the penalty call that wiped out a punt return for a touchdown by Pacman Jones (criticism, as we see it, is criticism, regardless of whether the guy says "chicken sh-t" or "aw, shucks").

With Joey Harrington no longer in a position to be blamed, Mooch is now laying it on the wideouts.

The kook who ran onto the field at Paul Brown Stadium was picked up from the hoosegow by his fiance', Jennifer Wilbanks.

["Maybe we can add our mug shots to the wedding album."]

Browns coach Romeo Crennel isn't saying whether the Charlie Frye era will be beginning in Cleveland.