POSTED 4:55 p.m. EST, November 15, 2005

 

PFT TEN-PACK:  WEEK TEN

 

Wow.  It seems to go faster every year.  Here we are, ten weeks in, all byes taken, seven games to go.

 

Wanna know why the NFL is so much more compelling than baseball?  The next seven weeks of pro football are the equivalent of the final seven days of the entire MLB season.

 

For now, our five-and-five regarding the one week that just was.

 

First, as always, the five game-related takes:

 

1.  Mewelde Tempts Fate.

 

That record-setting day of touchdown returns by the Vikings nearly was derailed by the guy who was running in the last of the three scores.

 

There have been several examples over the years of a player prematurely pulling up and/or hotdogging as the end zone comes into focus.  Most notably, former Cowboys defensive end offered up some low-hanging fruit to Bills wideout Don Beebe during garbage time in Super Bowl XXVII.

 

On Sunday, Vikings running back Mewelde Moore nearly added his name to the list as he eased in for six during a 71-yard punt return.  Moore slowed down and stretched out his arms as a defender closed in quickly.

 

The ball was perched on the top of his left forearm, just begging to be knocked through the end zone for a Giants touchback. 

 

If the field was five yards longer, Moore probably would have seen the pig go flying away -- and the Vikes likely would be standing at 3-6 right now.

 

So Moore got lucky, in more ways that one.  He didn't get hit from behind and, by all appearances, he has been subject to no public scrutiny for not finishing the run hard.

 

Well, until now:

 

                              Dear Mewelde,

 

                             Wake the f--k up. 

 

                             Sincerely,

 

                             Your Friends at PFT

 

2.  What the Hell?  Use Randle El.

 

Their starter is still hobbling on a surgically repaired meniscus.  His backup has a busted hand.  The third-stringer has less confidence than George Costanza after he burned up the picture of "Man Hands" with the hair dryer. 

 

There's a road game coming up against a down-but-dangerous division foe, and the Steelers face a tough decision.  Do they push Ben Roethlisberger back into the starting lineup prematurely?  Or do they go with Tommy Maddox, who has looked flat-out awful in two relief performances this year?

 

We'll toss out a third option for consideration -- Antwaan Randle El. 

 

Sure, he's also a starting receiver, but Quincy Morgan has done surprisingly well in the offense.  With Mr. El, the Steelers can run the ball repeatedly, throw in a few option plays, and let 'Twaan and the rest of the guys have some fun with a few passes.  The way wee see it, such a move would energize the team . . . and we don't think that they'll have any worse chance of winning than if Maddox takes the snaps.

 

The best bet, obviously, is to put Big Ben back in.  Undoubtedly, he wants to play.  But with some key games coming up in late November and early December, the smart thing to do is to give Roethlisberger another week to heal his knee.

 

Randle El proved on Sunday night that he's got the rocket to throw it deep, hitting Hines Ward with a 51-yard touchdown pass off of an end around.  And the former Indiana quarterback surely has the legs to make things happen on the ground.

 

Remember that this is a franchise that structured winning game plans for Kordell Stewart, whose progression of reads consisted of, while rolling out, looking at one guy short and one guy deep and then taking off with the ball if both were covered. 

 

Why not dust one of the old playbooks off now and let Randle El give it a shot?  Hell, dress him out in No. 10, just for grins.  If nothing else, it would make a potentially unwatchable game a lot more intriguing.

 

3.  Madden Effect Fuels Bucs?

 

We found it somewhat ironic to hear John Madden explaining on ESPN's Monday Night Countdown that head coaches, when down by one after scoring a touchdown late, should go for the tie.

 

After all, it's Madden's fault (in our view) that Gruden went for two.

 

Bear with us on this.  Gruden has three young sons.  Surely, the boys have an Xbox or a PS2.  Surely, they play a little Madden, the only NFL-licensed video game currently available on any gaming platform.  And, surely, Papa Jon plays a little Madden with Greg, Peter, and/or Bobby from time to time.

 

Anyone who has played a little Madden (or, in our case, more than a little Madden) knows that a human opponent inevitably jumps a guy offsides during a PAT try, which inevitably forces consideration of the question of whether to go for two from the one.

 

The speed with which Gruden decided to go for the deuce after the 'Skins jumped across early (according to the zebras) and blocked the kick that would have made the score 35-35 makes us think that Gruden had given plenty of advance thought to that specific scenario -- and we'd bet that Gruden got his idea not from studying game film, but from spending quality time with his kids.

 

Even if Gruden got his motivation elsewhere, he might want to use the Madden effect as his justification when guys like Derrick, Ronde', and Booger want to know why the head coach didn't trust their ability to stop the 'Skins in overtime.

 

Then again, those 35 points that Washington scored in regulation might be all the explanation that the Tampa defense needs for Gruden's decision to lay it all on the line.

 

4.  An Asterisk For Vasher.

 

Before Sunday, the longest play in NFL history -- a 107-yard return of a missed field goal by Ravens corner Chris McAlister -- was sprung by a devastating block by Ray Lewis.

 

The record-breaker from Sunday's Bears-49ers game, which extended the mark by one yard, also was aided by a key block.

 

An illegal block.

 

At least three of them.

 

That's right, three.  The replays of the return show three occasions during which a 49ers player gets hit in the back by a Bear, all in the final few seconds of the run.

 

Of course, none of the national sock puppets have bothered to point this out, since recognizing flagrant violations of the rules takes away from their ability to pant breathlessly about the greatest . . . play . . . ever.

 

Part of the problem was that, on field goal attempts, two of the seven zebras (the field judge and back judge) are parked under the goal posts in order to assess whether the try is good.  That leaves five officials to cover the rest of the field, with none of them loitering on the other side of the 50 in the event that the play ends up going the other way.

 

In this case, replays show one of the officials (the head linesman or the line judge) running down the sideline.  But let's face it -- these guys are typically, well, old and (with the exception of Ed Hercules) in less-than-NFL-player game shape.  The guy who ended up lagging behind this specific play most likely wasn't able to discern the details of the series of efforts to tackle Nathan Vasher -- or the various efforts to thwart the same.  Instead, our guess is that the dude was primarily thinking, "Oh sh-t, oh sh-t, oh sh-t, oh sh-t!" as he tried desperately to get in position to determine whether Vasher might step out of bounds.

 

Here's our suggestion.  On field goal attempts, the side judge acts as a second umpire.  Why not park him instead, say, 40 yards from the spot of the kick and give him the specific duties of watching for any improprieties if/when the action comes his way?  Based on the failure of the Men in Black and White to spot multiple illegal blocks on Sunday, a change of some sort clearly is needed.

 

5.  Vikes To Host Bears In January 1 Playoff Game.

 

Kudos to the reader who has opened our eyes to the reality that, given the current NFC North standings and the remaining the schedule, the New Year's Day showdown in the Metrodome between the Vikings and the Bears most likely will determine the champion of the NFC North. 

 

The Bears are 6-3, and the Vikings are 4-5.  The Bears are 1-0 against the Vikings, 3-0 in the division; Minny is 2-1.  If Chicago loses one of their upcoming home-and-home matches against the Packers and the Vikes win at Lambeau on Monday night and at Detroit on December 4, Minnesota will own the second-level tiebreaker. 

 

The schedule down the stretch generally favors the Vikings, who play at Green Bay, Cleveland, at Detroit, St. Louis, Pittsburgh, and at Baltimore.  Meanwhile, Chicago hosts Carolina and Atlanta, travels to Pittsburgh and Tampa, and faces Brett Favre for likely the final two times in his career.

 

So if, as we predict, there's only one game or less separating the Vikes and Bears come New Year's Day, the winner moves on -- and the loser goes home.

 

Of course, the victory may be a hollow one.  Even if the NFC North champ can hold serve at home in round one, an ass-whupping awaits in Carolina or Seattle the following weekend.

 

Now for five non-game takes:

 

1.  Just Call Dennis Leary Already.

 

For two weeks in a row now, ABC has launched the Monday night broadcast with a high-energy, hard-edged monologue.  On November 7, Dennis Quaid talked frenetically about the "hump" that Peyton Manning was trying to get over.  We mentioned in last week's Ten Pack that the material would have been perfect for a guy like Dennis Leary or Lewis Black.

 

Last night, there was a rare James Woods sighting during the MNF intro.  But as he rambled on about the looming battle between the 'Boys and the Birds, it seemed like Woods was playing the part of Dennis Leary.

 

Well, an older, puffier Dennis Leary with a slightly worse complexion, but Leary nonetheless.

 

Guys -- we like the idea of warming up the audience with an actor who delivers a powerful message, but don't use someone other than Dennis Leary for a job that is tailor made for him.  Give Leary the job every week.  He'll bring the unfiltered Camels, and you can play the tune from The Asshole Song in the background. 

 

Trust us, it'll go a lot farther toward getting folks ready for some football than that incredibly worn out Hank Williams, Jr. routine.

 

2.  George Halas Rolls In His Grave.

 

We know that teams are looking for ways to sell more jerseys.  One way to accomplish the goal is to give the fans a greater selection.

 

As a result, many teams now have their home shirt, their road shirt, and a "special" third jersey.

 

But, folks, when the team's color scheme isn't conducive to a third jersey that, you know, doesn't look like crap, the temptation to design a new item for the Christmas catalog should be resisted.

 

Exhibit A?  The horrendous orange shirts worn by the Chicago Bears on Sunday.  The looked more like bear hunters that Bears players, and we can only image what Papa Bear would have to say about all of this.

 

 

The Bears' official colors are blue, white, and orange.  Still, orange shouldn't be the primary color of the third jersey simply because blue and white already were taken.

 

Generally speaking, orange shirts aren't advisable for NFL teams.  Wearing orange likely has the same psychological effect as staring at a pink locker room.

 

So, please, we urge every NFL team inclined to wear shirts that are primarily orange or yellow or lavender or any other color that would fall into the category we'll call "fruity" to think twice.

 

And then burn the damn shirts. 

 

3.  Jimmy Is A Week Late.

 

On the bright side, Jimmy Kimmel's Monday night bit from a kindergarten classroom was refreshing because it didn't take place from his normal studio before an audience composed of semi-conscious street people. 

 

But the decision to tape the 60-second segment in a kindergarten classroom while Jimmy explained to the kids the T.O. saga felt like yet another third-rate production from the local middle school.

 

And the kid in the suit and tie saying "next question" again and again was more than a tad stale, given that it had been six days of news cycles since Drew Rosenhaus first chirped America's newest catch phrase.

 

The bigger problem is that the whole exercise felt stale, and one of the pitfalls of the collaborative creative process is that someone needs to be willing to stand up and say, "Will this still feel timely come Monday night?"

 

It didn't, and it only reinforces our view that the Kimmel segment is an extremely unfunny train wreck that has virtually destroyed our memory of the great work he did on FOX's pregame show before taking a late-night job that far exceeded the limits of his talent.

 

4.  Our Weekly Michael Irvin Complaint.

 

It seems like Michael Irvin's latest pet project is to finagle a new contract for Seahawks running back Shaun Alexander.

 

But isn't Irvin the same guy who said that Brett Favre should keep his nose out of another guy's money? 

 

Alexander is happy in Seattle, and wants to return in 2006.  His play this year is as strong as it ever has been, and he's quietly becoming one of the best tailbacks of this era.  So what is the Playmaker trying to prove by stirring up discontent?

 

Cynical folks might think that Irvin is trying to throw another Cowboy competitor off of its game, just as he arguably did by stoking the T.O. fire.

 

Even if Irvin's motives aren't malicious, he needs to take a broader view of the business of football.  The market for 28-year-old running backs has gotten soft of late, and teams generally are reluctant to break the bank on a guy who is at any given moment one hit away from having no further value to the franchise. 

 

Alexander is under contract for 2005 and the team has promised not to restrict him in any way come March 2006.  The market, then, will help to determine his pay. 

 

Sure, the Seahawks are taking a risk that Alexander might pull a Jamal Lewis if he doesn't get a new deal.  The difference, though, is that (unlike Lewis) Alexander doesn't believe that the team ever promised him a long-term contract.

 

Indeed, the Seahawks' bigger fear is that Alexander could go soft after he gets paid.  Big Show and company like the fact that Shaun is playing hard this year, and the team is willing to accept the fact that, if he continues to excel, it might cost more to bring him back.

 

The other reality here is that a guy actually is only worth what someone will pay him.  If no other team makes a jaw-dropping offer, then Alexander simply isn't worth that kind of money.

 

Remember this -- NFL contracts aren't lifetime achievement awards.  The bonus and salary and other terms are based on perceived potential for the future, not on what a guy has already done.

 

So butt out, Mike.  Alexander is happy, and the 'Hawks are happy.  They're all grown-ups and they know what they're doing.  The last thing they need is some dude in a flashy suit trying to mess things up from his bully pulpit.         

 

5.  Our Weekly Irvin Complaint, Part II.

 

Okay, it didn't happen on television so it arguably exceeds the scope of our Ten Pack.  But whenever the Playmaker is involved, we're interested.

 

In a Monday appearance with Dan Patrick on ESPN Radio, Irvin said that the Jon Grudens and Dick Vermeils of the world can afford to take late-game risks because they've already won Super Bowl rings, and that a guy like Minnesota coach Mike Tice could never get away with such a move.

 

Though no one would ever describe us as Meathead apologists, we've got to give the guy credit on those few occasions when he has earned it.

 

In December 2002, the Vikings were the first team to punch in a two-point conversion from one-point down with less than two minutes to play since the two-pointer graduated from the college game in 1994. 

 

The coach at the time was none other than Michael J. Tice.

 

The Bears had tried it in 1997 against the Packers and the Jags tried it in 1995 against the Bucs.  Both were unsuccessful.     

 

So nice work, Playmaker.  If you're going to be an NFL "analyst" you need to do some homework before you start popping off. 

 

POSTED 8:13 a.m. EST, November 15, 2005

 

GIANTS GROW WEARY OF SOUP NAZI

 

Word out of New York is that more than a few members of the Giants are getting fed up with coach Tom Coughlin's Chicken Little routine regarding every play that doesn't go the G-men's way.

 

They also think that his post-game, locker-room rant following Sunday's loss to the Vikings went on for far too long.

 

"Every play is life and death," said one source.  "Players are getting too tight with all that bullsh-t."

 

Some point to guys like Pats coach Bill Belichick, who never engages in wild gesticulations on the sidelines when things don't go his way.

 

Then there's a Soup Nazi, who was stomping and storming and waving his arms and generally acting like an idiot throughout Sunday's game.

 

On Monday, Coughlin tried to put everything in perspective, reminding the media (and possibly himself) that the Giants would at worst be in a tie for first place after Monday night's game. 

 

"We do have an opportunity in the next seven games to determine our own fate," Coughlin said.  "And I don't know that you can ask for anything more in this business."

 

The problem is that Coughlin routinely asks for too much, by expecting constant perfection.  Over the course of a long season, it's the kind of thing that mentally wears on young guys who have enough to worry about without fearing that one false move will trigger yet another eruption from the sidelines.

 

PIOLI RULE EXPECTED TO PASS

 

Based on our discussions with multiple industry sources, and given the absence of any coordinated opposition from the folks who'll be impacted by the measure, it appears that the so-called Pioli Rule will pass when voted on at a meeting this week of league owners.

 

Some don't even expect the vote to be close, despite the fact that the rule died when it was presented for consideration earlier this year.  "Owners believe they have been paying too much [money] to some of these guys and assistants and this is a way of protecting their own clubs," said one industry source.

 

The rule would permit each team to designate one member of the personnel department as off limits, unless and until his contract expires.  As we see it, the measure won't completely eliminate the bidding war for qualified guys.  Instead, it will merely shrink the pool of candidates for jobs entailing so-called "final say" authority.

 

Moreover, the rule likely will prompt the Scott Piolis and Tom Heckerts of the world to negotiate shorter-term contracts.

 

Moving forward, key front-office jobs will be filled in the same manner that coaching vacancies are filled.  The candidates will be guys whose contracts have expired -- or who have been fired.

 

The difference, however, is that there's no pool of potential G.M.'s at the NCAA level, which could make it harder for teams to find suitable candidates.

 

As a result, even though the rule restricts the mobility of up-and-comers, it could end up providing an extra layer of security for those already in place.  When it's time, for example, for Bills owner Ralph Wilson to consider whether to poop-can G.M. Tom Donahoe, Wilson necessarily must consider his alternatives for the job.  If most or all of Wilson's potential targets are designated as off limits, it could be a factor in Wilson's decision-making process.

 

So just as the free agency rules spawned all sorts of unintended consequences, such as the premature release of a player who wants to stay in a given city, owners should consider all of the potential permutations of the Pioli rule before blindly voting on it.  For now, we have a feeling that this seemingly short-sighted move aimed at protecting the owners of the two most recent Super Bowl teams could causes more problems than it solves, over the long haul.

 

TUESDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

Former Ravens TE Shannon Sharpe says that QB Kyle Boller "plays just good enough to get him cut and [the coach] fired."

 

Jets coach Herm Edwards says he's not interested in replacing Dick Vermeil in Kansas City (but does anyone expect Edwards to say anything else publicly, especially when Vermeil has yet to walk?).

 

The Jets are sticking with Brooks Bollinger at quarterback.

 

Redskins coach Joe Gibbs thinks there was indisputable visual evidence that Bucs FB Mike Alstott was down before the ball crossed the plane on the game-winning two-pointer.

 

Mooch says that Jeff Garcia is the No. 1 quarterback in Detroit, and that Joey Harrington will start only until Garcia is healthy enough to play.

 

The Meathead has a torn MCL, which won't require surgery.

 

The Steelers might nudge Big Ben back into the lineup on Sunday, even though he's still limping after surgery to repair a torn meniscus.

 

Needing to gain four games over seven weeks against the Seahawks, the Rams realize that their best chance at the postseason comes courtesy of a wild-card berth.

 

Jets WR Wayne Chrebet is expected to announce his retirement soon.

 

Jags coach Jack Del Rio has been forced to do some butt-smooching of WR Jimmy Smith, given the emergence of Ernest Wilford and Moonshine Jones.

 

Fins TE Randy McMichael is waiting for the NFL to issue punishment as a result of his guilty plea after his latest altercation with his wife.  (How about the league gets him pregnant and then beats the sh-t out of him?)

 

Giants QB Eli Manning forced himself to watch video of Sunday's four-pick performance against the Vikings.  (It could have been worse, Eli -- you could have been watching home movies featuring big brother Peyton's squared-off cranium.)

 

Pats C Dan Koppen could be headed to IR.

 

We know that the Pittsburgh media tends to shake the pom-poms for the home team, but we can't imagine anyone saying with a straight face that the current backup plan at quarterback is "reliable."

 

Redskins DE Phillip Daniels fears that his teammates might have become too complacent against the Bucs after the scoreboard showed the Giants had lost.

 

Browns WR Antonio Bryant is yapping about the Steelers' secondary (we can only imagine what he'd be saying if Cleveland had actually won the game -- and if Bryant hadn't been lit up by one of them).

 

POSTED 9:29 p.m. EST, November 14, 2005

 

BEARS 'FESS UP TO FISTICUFFS

 

A week after Bears offensive tackle Fred Miller claimed that he broke his jaw in a fall at his home, the team has admitted that the injury actually was the result of a fight with center Olin Kreutz.

 

Miller missed Sunday's game against the 49ers due to the injury, and is expected to miss this week's contest against the Panthers.

 

"Things got out of hand," Kreutz said.  "Something happened and it just got out of hand."

 

Man, we'd love to know what it is that happened.  Did Miller merely ask the Pro Bowl center whether "Olin Kreutz" is the name of a person or Hitler's favorite dessert?  Or was someone try to grab a little wiener schnitzel in the shower room?  (Editor's note:  We're not suggesting that either of these guys would be partial to a little wiener schnitzel.  We just wanted to make a cheap joke -- and to use the term "wiener schnitzel.")

 

Regardless of the origin of the fight, the fact that these two teammates scrapped and then lied about it is troubling, and it makes us even more convinced that any NFL player is lying if he tries to blame a mysterious injury on tripping over the dog or slipping on the asphalt or falling off of the commode (unless it's a nose tackle).

 

Coach Lovie Smith says that neither player will be suspended, but fines are anticipated. 

 

REEBOK "CONSULTANT" CONSULTING WITH BUSH

 

As the line between sports and big business blurs to the point that the whole thing looks like a snot smear on a kid's shirt sleeve, Liz Mullen of the Sports Business Journal reports that Reebok consultant Mike Ornstein is working with USC tailback Reggie Bush on his choice of an NFL agent.

 

Bush was a paid intern last summer for Ornstein's company, which represents guys like Marcus Allen and Tony Gonzalez in marketing and broadcasting matters.  Bush's cousin, FOX analyst JC Pearson, also is giving his two cents regarding the search for an agent.

 

Ornstein is Reebok's primary contact with its NFL endorsers.  So we've got a funny feeling that the guy who ultimately advises Bush on his first NFL contract also will nudge Reggie gently toward Reebok and away from Nike.

 

And Ornstein has made no bones about the fact that he'd like to handle Bush's marketing opportunities, which means that agents who are willing to give up that piece of the action will have a better chance at getting Ornstein's seal of approval as to the football contract.

 

The sad part here is that the kid doesn't realize that Ornstein has a direct financial interest in ensuring that the kid signs with an agent who'll respect Ornstein's self-interests -- or that the kid doesn't care.

 

Based on what we've been hearing, the front-runners to be Bush's agents are Mitch Frankel and Gary Wichard.  Regardless of whether it's Frankel or Bush or Sammy Slapdick, our guess is that Ornstein will be handling the marketing . . . and that Reggie will be Reebok's answer to Nike's Mike Vick.  

 

MONDAY NIGHT ONE-LINERS

 

Web traffic tracking tool Alexa.com says that the Panthers web site saw the biggest increase in visits last week with an 880 percent jump (and it had nothing at all to do with the team's six-game winning streak).

 

Panthers coach John Fox apologized to Jets coach Herm Edwards for 20 minutes regarding comments by Carolina CB Ken Lucas suggesting that the New Yorkers "quit" during Sunday's 30-3 loss (sheesh, Foxy -- it ain't like Lucas questioned anyone's manhood or anything).

 

Ricky Williams Jr. will miss about a month after getting his knee bent the wrong way on Sunday.

 

Giants DT William Joseph will miss four weeks with a dislocated elbow.

 

POSTED 4:25 p.m. EST, November 14, 2004

 

JOHNSON HIRES KEELS

 

Chiefs running back Larry Johnson has hired agent Alvin Keels to assume his representation, a league source tells us.

 

Johnson recently parted ways with Marvin Demoff, who negotiated the rookie deal signed by the 2003 first-rounder from Penn State.

 

Since Johnson's deal doesn't expire for several more years, and since Demoff will continue to earn the fee on the original contract, it fairly can be assumed that Keels' marching orders are to get Johnson a new agreement.  There already are rumblings of a 2006 training camp holdout by Johnson, if he doesn't get a new contract. 

 

With the market for free agent running backs getting soft of late, in comparison to the salaries paid to players at other positions, young tailbacks are starting to realize that they need to cash in while they're on the south side of 25 -- and before they suffer any serious injuries as a result of the game-in, game-out pounding that goes along with being an every-down tailback in the NFL.

 

Johnson received only (only?) $3.762 million in guaranteed money on his rookie deal, and the contract pays him a total of $5 million over the first three seasons.  He surely is angling for a contract in the neighborhood of $25 million over five years, which would be similar to the package Keels negotiated earlier this year for another one of his other clients, LaMont Jordan of the Raiders.

 

The bigger question is whether the Chiefs will agree to re-do Johnson's contract prematurely.  Some teams take a hard line in such matters, others don't.  The looming arbitration of T.O.'s grievance against the Eagles could give players and teams plenty of guidance as to the potential consequences of a contract impasse, and our guess is that the outcome of the November 18 hearing will have an impact, in one form or another, on the manner in which players with years left on their deals handle moving forward the delicate process of asking for more money.

 

POSTED 11:57 a.m. EST, November 14, 2005

 

BOULWARE DIDN'T SIGN A ONE-YEAR DEAL

 

As part of our ten-plus hours of Sunday research that resulted in the formulation of a comprehensive list of all restricted and unrestricted free agents for 2006, we noticed that Ravens linebacker Peter Boulware is under contract with the team through 2009.

 

The information made no sense to us, since his arrangement with the Ravens widely was reported as a one-year, $2 million deal.  Boulware accepted the contract in Baltimore after turning down a $4 million offer from the team before it released him -- and after trolling the open market for weeks before realizing that no one else was going to pay him serious money.

 

In reality, Boulware signed with the Ravens a five-year, $10.4 million contract, which paid him a $1.3 million signing bonus and provides for salaries of $700,000 in 2005, $2.1 million in 2006, $2.2 million in 2007, $2.3 million in 2008, and $2.5 million in 2009.

 

At a time when plenty of injury-riddled players sign hyped-up long-term contracts that are, in reality, one-year deals (see Ian Gold in 2004 and Ty Law in 2005), Boulware and his agents curiously opted to tout this long-term contract as only a one-year thing.

 

It's possible that Boulware wanted other teams to realize that he will be available in 2006.  It's also possible that Boulware's agents didn't want to further magnify their failure to gauge the market before turning down $4 million for only one season by trumpeting that the best they could do for him, even with a phony, trumped-up deal, was $10 million over five.

 

In theory, then, the Ravens could throw a wrench into Boulware's plans to hit the open market by deciding to keep him in 2006 at a $2.1 million base salary.  Don't count on that happening. however.  A league source has told us that the Ravens undoubtedly won't want to bring Boulware back for another season.

 

"He hasn't done anything," the source said.  "His career is over.  He's not tough.  He's a poor worker.  The fire is out." 

 

And the lesson to be learned here, once again, is that the media reports regarding the terms and duration of a player contract often are off the mark, especially when the information regarding the deal is coming straight from folks who often have an interest in making the agreement look like something other than it really is.

 

POSTED 9:09 a.m. EST, November 14, 2005

 

VERMEIL GETTING READY TO VAMOOSE?

 

With a humbling 14-3 loss at Buffalo capping a bad week for Chiefs coach Dick Vermeil, there is mounting speculation among observers of the franchise that Vermeil could resign before the end of the 2005 season.

 

The notion that he'll pack it in, at the latest, following the current campaign is almost a foregone conclusion.

 

We're hearing that Vermeil is furious regarding the fact that he was out of the loop as to the medical condition of running back Priest Holmes.  Also, word is that the team's decision to place Holmes on IR came without Vermeil's knowledge or approval. 

 

We continue to hear that Holmes won't return in 2006 if Vermeil if the head coach.  Indeed, Holmes and Vermeil haven't even spoken, we're told, since Holmes left the team.  Even if Holmes comes back, his understudy, Larry Johnson, might not show up for training camp absent a new contract.

 

The key factor in Vermeil's decision-making regarding the timing of his decision is whether the players continue to mentally and emotionally detach from him.  Vermeil's decision to go for the win late against the Raiders last Sunday was, in our estimation, a last-ditch effort to keep the team from giving up on him.  An ugly loss in Buffalo suggests that any positive feelings flowing from that win were short-lived.

 

If the Chiefs blow it on Sunday night against the 1-8 Texans, Vermeil could be boo-hooing at a press conference later that week, and handing the team over to offensive coordinator Al Saunders.

 

BILLICK DONE

 

The same league source who told us last week that the future of Ravens coach Brian Billick is tied directly to the performance of quarterback Kyle Boller now tells us that, barring a miracle, Billick is history in Baltimore.

 

The team, by all appearances, quit on Billick in the second half of Sunday's embarrassing 30-3 loss at Jacksonville, which isn't a good sign for a guy who is still riding on the long-since-dispersed fumes of a Lombardi won with a roster that someone else built.

 

And although we're impressed with some of the things we're learning about Billick via John Feinstein's new book, which is the result of a year of full access to the team, Billick is likely far too controversial and, Super Bowl win notwithstanding, far too unaccomplished to get another head coaching job as soon as 2006, if ever.

 

Hell, we think he'll have trouble landing somewhere as an offensive coordinator next year, given the poor performance of the Ravens offense in his seven seasons as a head coach.  In the end, he might have to take a head job at the NCAA level or a position coach gig with another NFL team, if he wants to stay in the game in 2006.

 

We've heard Tony Kornheiser speculate that Billick hopes to be the next John Madden, and our guess is that, with no jobs available that Billick will deem worthy of him, he'll give broadcasting a shot as he pockets Steve Bisciotti's buyout.

 

In this regard, let's hope that Brian the Brain has forgotten everything he learned from his mentor, Bill Walsh, who was beyond dreadful as a color analyst in the 1990s.

 

SOME PLAYERS GETTING BIG MARKETING GUARANTEES

 

At a time when we continue to hear that at least one high-profile agent continues to funnel money to certain players at Georgia and Tennessee, we're also learning that some agents are blowing out the curve regarding so-called "marketing guarantees."

 

Although NFLPA regulations prohibit agents from "[p]roviding or offering money or any other thing of value to any player or prospective player to induce or encourage that player to utilize his/her services," some agents routinely promise players that a minimum amount of endorsement money will be earned -- and that if the agents fall short of the minimum amount the rest of the money will come out of the agents' pockets.

 

We're told that the three players who are generating the biggest marketing guarantees this year are USC quarterback Matt Leinart, USC running back Reggie Bush, and Memphis running back DeAngelo Williams.

 

Even if these marketing guarantees don't violate the letter of the NFLPA regulations, they can in some circumstances violate the spirit of the notion that agents should not be permitted to induce players to make selections based on the money that will change hands.  For some guys, like Leinart, a million-dollar marketing guarantee might not be unrealistic.  For some slappy out of Tuskegee, however, a $150,000 marketing guarantee smells like a cash-based inducement to sign.

 

Then again, Mr. Slapola who figures to be a practice squad tackling dummy shouldn't generate that kind of a guarantee, right?  Wrong.  In the past, we've heard of of guys getting six-figure marketing guarantees when, in the end, they're not even drafted.

 

From the agents' perspective, the problem is that the players are recruited at a time when the draft is months away.  The national and/or local media might be hyping a guy now as a potential first-day pick, but a guy's status won't be known until after the postseason all-star games, the Scouting Combine, the Pro Day workouts, and all the other stuff that gets done before the 32 teams put their draft boards together.

 

Regardless of whether a player who receives a marketing guarantee will earn the money or whether the promise creates a windfall, the mere act of promising the player a certain amount of income that, if not met, will come out of the agent's pocket is a practice that the NFLPA should banish.  As a practical matter, it's no different than giving a guy a bag full of cash. 

 

Either device is an inducement to sign based on the desire of the player to get paid, and allowing this kind of stuff to go on will do nothing to clean up the poor perception of NFL agents among the general public.

 

MONDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

There was a pretty good pocket passer in the Georgia Dome on Sunday, after all.

 

Pats RB Corey Dillon injured a calf on the first play of Sunday's game at Miami.

 

Pats WR Troy Brown played some defense on Sunday for the first time this year.

 

At 1-8, the Texans are all alone in the race for the second franchise quarterback in franchise history.

 

So much for Eli's upside.

 

Who in the hell is Samkon Gado?

 

The Broncos keep winning, despite trying to give games away in the fourth quarter.

 

With Charlie Batch suffering a broken finger on Sunday night and Big Ben still rehabbing a bum knee, QB Tommy Maddox might be the starter for the Steelers in Baltimore next week.

 

Jets RB Curtis Martin fumbled for the first time in more than two seasons.

 

The Jags get back to 30 points after a 59-game hiatus.

 

Mooch won't commit on a starting quarterback for next week at Dallas.

 

Zygi gets jiggy.

 

Vikings RB Mewelde Moore (wrist) didn't take a single offensive snap, even though he returned a punt for a touchdown.

 

Jets RT Jason Fabini is done for the year with a torn pectoral muscle.

 

The Packers are discussing bringing back RB Dorsey Levens (next on the list are John Brockington and Paul Hornung).

 

The Ravens haven't scored a touchdown in nearly three full games.

 

Broncos WR Rod Smith has set the franchise career touchdown record with 66.

 

WR Hines Ward is the all-time leading pass-catcher in Steelers history.

 

Deion gives Moonshine a thumb's up.

 

Colts owner Jim Irsay thinks that RB Edgerrin James will still be in Indy come 2006.

 

We're not the only ones who think that the Playmaker's media career is tarnishing his on-field legacy.

 

POSTED 11:34 a.m. EST; UPDATED 12:46 p.m. EST, November 13, 2005

 

KRAFT, LURIE HAVE SOMETHING UP THEIR SLEEVES?

 

At a time when there are plenty of issues among NFL owners that can be used as fodder for deal-making, we've got a funny feeling that Pats owner Bob Kraft and Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie have done some arm-twisting and/or promise-making in order to get enough votes to push the so-called "Pioli Rule" (a/k/a "Heckert Rule") into law.

 

John Czarnecki of FOXSports.com reports that owners will vote on the matter at a meeting this week.  It was, at one point, the only item on the agenda apart from the ongoing discussions regarding revenue sharing.

 

Kraft has tried in the past to get this thing passed, to no avail.  But given that Pats V.P. of Player Personnel Scott Pioli and Eagles V.P. of Player Personnel Tom Heckert will be hot commodities for G.M. jobs after the 2005 season, Kraft and Lurie need to get the rule enacted now, or it becomes potentially irrelevant to them. 

 

Both Pioli and Heckert have signed new contracts within the past year, but since neither have "final say" authority over personnel, both can leave for a job that gives them ultimate control over the composition of the roster.  Heckert already has been mentioned as a candidate for the G.M. job in Minnesota.

 

The question that the other owners need to ask themselves is whether they're willing to give up the ability to hire another guy's top personnel exec without "final say" in order to lock up their own top personnel execs without "final say."  The only owners who might oppose this, then, are the guys who hope to hire a Pioli or a Heckert this year.  In other cities where there are no immediate plans to make a change at the top, there's no reason not to vote for a rule that essentially gives them all greater control over their employees.