WEEK ELEVEN

Giants at Jaguars

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Happy Monday night before the day that the carcasses of hundreds of thousands of turkeys are dismantled and consumed as we give thanks for our lives of good fortune and excess by spending some of our good fortunes on the ability to consume excessive amounts of dismantled turkey carcasses and various other foodstuffs.

We're here for the Week Eleven Monday night blog.  Giants at Jaguars.  Homecoming for the Soup Nazi.  Jambalaya for everyone!

Sporadic updates will be posted until kickoff, when we'll embark on a 300-minute sprint.

Chris Mortensen says that D-Mac was in Birmingham on Monday to be seen by Dr. James Andrews, who'll operate on the Eagles' quarterback's ACL in 2-3 weeks, after the swelling goes down.

Sal Paolantonio says that Bob Whitfield will start at left tackle tonight.  Suzy Kolber is glad that he's got something to occupy himself tonight, other than the thickness in her britches.

Jaws has on his ladies' glasses, which look surprisingly masculine as he stands next to Eyeball and his ensemble.

We think Steve Young is about to pull a Kramer on Michael Irvin.

Chris Berman's tie was designed by Stevie Wonder.

We're getting reports that Kornholio was wearing a cowboy hat on the air earlier.

Ed Werder says that Fat Albert could be back in three weeks.

Says a reader:  "I didn't realize that Michael Irvin played for the Cowboys.  You think he would talk about it more."

Check out Jack Del Rio -- who died?

Eli Manning recently ditched his Revolution helmet.  It's just something we've noticed.  It makes him look a little less like brother Peyton.  (Of course, Eli's performance on the field does a good job of distinguishing the two.)

Is Kornholio's combover hair or ink from a ball-point pen?

Hey Kornholio -- Del Rio didn't "draft" Leftwich; Shack Harris did.

Suzy has a turtleneck to cover up her waddle.  Hey, it's a dangerous time to look like a turkey.

Why do so many of the sock puppets saw "Jag-wire"?

Is Tiki a Hall of Famer?  We don't care.

Several readers are bristling regarding Tiki's involvement in advising the coaching staff on personnel.

Jackson says that the Jags are "mentally inconsistent."  As opposed to "mentally retarded."  (Think back to Week One.)

A reader says that video of athletes struggling at Sawgrass No. 17 is as fresh as a Foghat concert.

Michael Irvin isn't "down" with the ballin' thing.

When Mike Strahan says he's ballin', Dr. Ian Smith perks up.

This just in -- Kramer will be on David Letterman tonight to talk about his ridiculous racist rant from the weekend.  (Supposedly, Jerry Seinfeld brokered the thing -- good idea with Season 7 of Seinfeld coming out tomorrow.)

The Jags claim that the Giants stole the ballin' thing from them.

Reader:  "Dear Michael Strahan, get your teeth fixed.  Signed, Condi Rice."

Ronde Barber is at the game.  Nice hat.

Damn.  Berman and Jackson are 10-1 picking Monday night games.

Berman said something to Irvin about not getting too high.

Spike Lee?  You've already had your free moment in the MNF supernova this year.

Hey, Mike Tirico.  Have you lost weight?  "No."  Didn't think so.

What an idiot Sunshine is.  He thinks that David Garrard's 50 percent completion percentage means that if he throws six deep balls, three will be caught.

Kornholio's opening spot . . . is . . . just . . . worthless.  Nice angle, Tony -- the connection between the Giants and broadcasters.  (Maybe Kornholio should give up his seat to Lawrence Taylor.)

A reader says that Tiki just told Tom Coughlin which end zone to defend if they lose the toss.

Del Rio looks like a kid on the way to his first formal dance.

Oh crap -- now they're using graphics to pimp who'll be in the booth.  (Folks, the powers-that-be in Bristol are basically telling all of the folks who are complaining about the ruination of MNF to blow it out our asses.)

Reader:  "Dear Suzy, I want my hair back.  Signed, Shirley Partridge."

Michelle Tafoya is "under the weather."

Jones-Drew got thrown around on that return like an Iranian with a laptop in a Denny's.

The middle of the Jags' field looks like crap.

Drinking game -- whenever someone mentions Del Rio's suit.

R.W. McQuarters is the best of all time?

What's with the limp white cylindrical things that the fans have?

Tiki introducing the offense.  What a shock.  "Consummate. . . . Elijah."

Jags punted and Giants have good field position, by the way.

John Henderson is happy.  And ugly.

He calls Donovin Darius "the headhunter."  Yet another proud moment for the league office.  (As several readers reminded us, Darius nearly killed Robert Ferguson a couple of years ago.)

Reader:  "I see that Michael Strahan and John Henderson go to the same dentist."

From a reader:  "This is my first game in HD.  Has Kornholio been bobbing for French fries?"

Giants up, 3-0.

The discerning eye would have noticed John "Mini Me" Bonamego next to the Soup Nazi in one of those still images as they came out of break.

Jags gain a couple on a first down pass.

How many times will they mentioned that Garrard was drafted by Tom Coughlin?

Hey, David Garrard wasn't nearly as stunned as Mark Brunell when Fat Albert was drafted.

Large people should not wear white football jerseys.

Jags on the move . . . receivers actually catching the ball.

Dude with a scary mask in the stands.  (Or was it Hank Williams, Jr., bitch?)

Now, that's more like it.  Wrightster can't reel it in.

Fragile Fred takes it to the 21.

Joey Sunshine talking tough about dropped passes.

Scobee nails the three-pointer.  Game tied.

Suzy says that the Meathead put the Jags receivers through "harassment" drills; a reader suggests that Pacman Jones was brought in to spit at them while they tried to catch the ball.

A reader suggests that Tice should have merely thrown Super Bowl tickets into the air to work on the receivers' catching skills.

Kornholio riding Sunshine about the fact that quarterbacks expect receivers to catch every pass.

A reader thinks that Suzy Kolber looks like Scut Farkas.

Donovin Darius has an injury.  Another round of commercials. 

The headhunter needs a new leg.

Clarence Thomas makes the mistake of asking Sunshine about an ugly leg injury in a Monday night game.

Gee, another Giants breaks a guy's leg in a Monday night game.

Brandon Jacobs goes nowhere.  Tiki should have called a better play.

Kornholio won't let go of the lame semi-joke that Del Rio's Reebok-made suit has snaps not buttons.

Kornholio makes reference to the possibility of Del Rio ending up naked.  (Tony must have been thinking about James Denton.)

Jags have the ball again.

Fragile Fred gains some yardage.  Sunshine points out that Fragile Fred isn't happy.

Jones-Drew gets the first down on third and two.

Suzy says that Jones-Drew's favorite running back "as a kid" was Fred Taylor.  How old is Jones-Drew now?  18?

Another first down for the Jags.

Sunshine says Garrard is "thick through the hips."

Sunshine says that the Vikings "didn't get a pick" when they let the clock run out in the 2003 draft.  Wrong, Joe.  They just picked a few spots later.

Two more drops, both by Reggie Williams.

Good point from a reader -- Moonshine Jones hasn't been in the game yet.

Jags punt, and the Giants have it on the 20.

More of Tiki's smugness.  (Says a reader, "I can't wait for Tiki's next 'coming out' party.")

Burress makes the catch and get jacked up.  Then he points to his crotch.  No, wait.  He's pointing to the ground.

Sunshine:  "This should either be an incompletion or a catch."

Sunshine actually has a good point -- if it's a catch, the ball came out as he hit the ground.

From a reader:  "Why does Tiki always have that 'I just farted and no one knows it was me' grin on his face every time he does an interview?"

This would be a good time to interview a celebrity.

Sunshine can't even be right without sound like an idiot.  He suggests that the decision that the pass was incomplete is somehow different from the reason that the play was initially challenged.

Burress drops another one.  (He could play for the Jags.)

First quarter is over. 

Another punt for the Giants.  Jags have it at their own 43.

Kornholio says the Giants spent the No. 1 overall pick on Eli.  Wrong.  Chargers drafted him and then Giants swung a trade.

A reader says that Boomer Esiason on radio is actually worse that Sunshine on television.

Nice 17-yard gain.  Ernest Wilford is definitely Garrard's favorite.

Clarence Thomas called Garrard "Leftwich."  ("We all look alike to you, don't we Constanza?")

Nice effort by Ernest to get the first down. 

Ernest catches another pass.

Fragile Fred scores.  Jags up, 10-3.

The sock puppets talking about free golf.

Hello, Ronde.  Now leave.

Stupid exchange regarding the Barbers being named "sexiest twins."

How about we talk about and/or show . . . the . . . f--king . . . game?

Giants took a timeout, so Ronde can continue to talk about himself and Tiki.

It's nice to know Tiki is making the most of his short week before his Thursday game.

Another punt coming for the Giants.

Holy sh-t.  There is ZERO effort to pause the interview during a play.  ZERO.

Garrard runs for a first down.  How dare he execute a play while Ronde is trying to talk?

Was that Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel on the sidelines?

More stupid-ass questions from Kornholio.

Matt Jones couldn't catch herpes during an orgy at Mike Vick's house.

Let's see how many guys in the booth can talk . . . at the same f--king time.

Says a reader:  "I am one more celebrity interview away from setting myself on fire."  (Hey, buddy -- send us your address, because it'll be time for us to break out the marshmallows when Jay-Z shows up.)

A reader points out that Mike Tice has done a crappy job of getting the Jags receivers to catch the ball.

Bobby McCray claims the ballin' thing is his move, not Strahan's.  (But McCray finishes with a swirl, not a pinch.)

Wowie wow.  The Giants make a first down.

Eli throws a pick.  Lame move by Plaxico to touch the defender down -- once he was off of the ground.

A reader reminds us that, as a rookie, Plaxico made another stupid move in Jacksonville when he made a catch, got up, and spiked the ball -- before he was tackled.

Jags on the move. 

Guys, please get Ronde out of the booth.

The official made the touchdown signal after that ball hit the ground.

No flag for interference?  We hate to agree with Sunshine, but my gosh that was a bad call.

(Great point from a reader:  The ball was ruled uncatchable because it was thrown to Moonshine Jones.)

Ah, how sweet.  The Barber family photo album. 

Several readers saw Tiki mouth the "F" word after that last turnover.  (He feels bad because he knows he should have called a better play.)

Taylor fumbles on his way to the end zone.  Giants recover in the end zone.

A reader predicts that Ronde will have a bigger future in broadcasting than Tiki.

Giants drive peters out.  Burress is a freaking cancer.

My God will this interview with Ronde Barber ever end?

How about some real journalism, guys?  Ask Ronde about the reports that Gruden is putting out feelers.

A reader says that the Jags have had twelve defenders on the field all night -- their 11 regulars and Plaxico.

Says a reader:  "I've now filled three vomit bags and may start dry heaving.  Someone call security and get his ass out of there."

Ronde is gone.  Just in time for the end of the half.

Halftime.  Thanks, ESPN, for showing highlights from Sunday's games.  No one has seen them yet.

Most significant portion of halftime?  Eyeball's glasses were crooked, making his bad eye even more noticeable.  Especially in HD.

Seriously, Bristol.  The halftime show is terrible.

Kornholio keeps mentioning hot breath on necks.

The only problem with coaches in suits is that headset.  They look like air traffic controllers in the early 1970s.

Giants deep in their own end.

Bears fan says, "I suddenly don't feel so good about last weekend's win."

Plax had a little case of the alligator arms on that one.

Ernest catches another pass.

Sunshine says that Garrard's receivers are helping him out.  Which ones, Joe?  The ones who are dropping all of the passes?

Jags down to the New York 24.

Kornholio says that Garrard found out he would be the starter from his wife, who was reading a web site.  Hello, Mrs. Garrard!

Sunshine talks about 'scoping a joint.

Jags get a three-pointer, 13-3. 

Brandon Jacobs returns the ball past the 30.

Kornholio making injury excuses for the Giants.

Shockey wide open but Eli holds the ball way too long.

Oh, man.  Eli Manning is a bust.  Maybe Daddy should demand a trade to San Diego.

Touchdown wiped off of the board by a penalty, and Eli sails another one on first down.

Folks, Eli is horrible.

Burress catches one.  Finally.

This game needs to end. 

Actually, Giants are now into Jacksonville territory.  An interception can't be far away.

Burress makes another catch.

Giants suddenly inside the 30.

Tiki gets a first down.  No huddle is working well.

Possible touchdown pass to Shockey broken up with a nice play.

Wow.  Burress makes two guys leave their jocks on the field.

13-10.  Maybe this game doesn't need to end.

Oh man, just as the game was getting good, it's Jay-Z in the booth.

Jay-Z talks about his travel schedule.  Why didn't he leave out Jacksonville?

A reader asks if Jay-Z is related to Dr. Z.

Jags on the move.  Almost a pick.

Hey Tony, ask Jay-Z what shooting a Budweiser commercial and appearing on MNF will do to his street cred.

Garrard makes a Randall Cunningham play.

At least Jay-Z is smart enough to shut up during the plays.

Jags get a first down inside the 10. 

Farewell, Jay-Z.  Get the hell out.

Third and goal for the Jags coming up.

Jones-Drew slips -- Sunshine says that the FieldTurf is too new.

(We had some minor technical problems; we're back.)

Jags up 16-10.

Burress makes a long catch, but clearly bobbles it as he hits the ground.  Del Rio gets the red flag out just in time.

This one clearly should be overturned.

Burress flops onto the ground when the completion is overturned.  As if he didn't know he bobbled the ball.

Tiki is doing nothing tonight.  Nothing.

When will the third quarter end?

Jags will start on their own 45 when the fourth quarter begins.

Jones-Drew takes a swing pass across the 50.

Clarence Thomas loves saying "fabulous."

Kornholio says Del Rio is under fire -- maybe he reads our site, too.

Clarence Thomas says that the owner told him before the game that there's no truth to rumors that Del Rio is in trouble.  (Yeah, Mike, that means he's in the clear.)

Moonshine almost moonwalks into the end zone.

Why in the hell did the moron move the ball from his left arm to his right as he approached the left sideline?

Jones-Drew, right up the middle for a score.  22-10.

Holy crap -- Jones-Drew was doing the Macarena with the mascot.

23-10.

A reader wonders whether Donovan McNabb has gotten any text messages from T.O. expressing condolences for his misfortune.

Bobby McCray sacks Eli then points to his name.  (Sorry, we didn't recognize it without "State versus" in front of it.)

Shockey makes a nice catch on third and long.  Didn't know he was still on the team.

"Kornholio's crazy for a sharp dressed man."  (Apologies to ZZ Top.)

Good thing Bob Whitfield wears an eye shield.  It'd be a shame if someone hit him in the face and messed up his eyes.  Oh.  Never mind.

The Soup Nazi is about to blow out a neck artery.

Eli throws to a wide open Jaguar on third down.  This one's over, folks.

We've said it before, and we'll say it again.  Eli has the demeanor when playing football of a guy who's doing something not because he wants to, but because he's expected to.

A reader reminds us that Letterman starts momentarily on the East Coast.  We're keping our eyes open for the Kramer appearance.

Shockey and Plax are plotting their move to the Dolphins.

Hey, Dan Patrick also will be on Letterman.

Wow.  Dave has put some weight on.  He's no longer a bony-ass scarecrow.

Six minutes left.  Please let it end.

Hey, it's the Meathead. 

The chick waving the Giants sign might want to check the scoreboard.

A Giants player tries to move the ball while the officials aren't looking.

Jags to try a field goal.  Good.  26-10.  Over.

If this score holds, the Bears are 9-1 and FIVE teams are 6-4.

A reader asks what the big deal is with Kramer's comments.  "It's not like he burned the Puerto Rican flag."

Giants move the ball toward the end zone but Tim Carter fumbles.  Over.

Jeremy Shockey is such a freaking big mouth.

Okay, we're switching to the Letterman show.  As soon as Kramer makes his appearance.

This stupid game still have more than four minutes to go.

We just discovered like a million Seinfeld clips on YouTube.  Here's a good one.

Kathy Bates is at the game.

We're still watching the Giants try to turn the ball over again as we wait for Kramer on Letterman.

Kornholio making some weird body movements.

Giants inside the 20.

Tiki drops another one, that almost gets picked off.

It's Kramer.  He looks awful.

People are laughing.  Jerry tells them to shut up.

Seinfeld obviously is trying to do something/anything to get people to buy the DVD of Season 7.

Jerry, why did you think this would be a good idea?

Kramer should quit while he's in dead last.

Why would he come on Letterman to apologize?  Why not a real news program, like The Daily Show?  (Or in the MNF booth.)

Giants still trying to turn it over.

Kramer trying to suggest for a second that he was going into character.

"I'm not a racist."  Okay, Mike.  We believe you.  (Yeah.)

Giants fail to score.  Game over.

Letterman tries to help feed him an excuse. 

He's said "Afro-American" like five times.  Kramer, welcome to 1973.

"Jerry, is there anything you'd like to say to Michael?"  (Yeah, you ain't getting your cut of the Season 7 sales.)

Wow.  What a train wreck.

Speaking of train wrecks, the game is over now, too.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.