WEEK TWELVE

Packers at Seahawks

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Well, well, well.  MNF returns to Seattle, the scene of one of the worst prime time games in NFL history, when the Raiders and the Seahawks squared off in a driving rainstorm earlier this month.

The good news?  Seattle running back Shaun Alexander and quarterback Matt Hasselbeck are both in the lineup.

The bad news?  The Packers aren't exactly in an "up" cycle, and on paper it looks like the 'Hawks will get back on the right track with another home win.

The worse news?  Three-and-a-half hours of Kornholio and Joey Sunshine are on the way.

Sporadic updates will be made until kickoff, and then we'll get going non-stop.

The pregame show begins.  Tafoya is complaining about the cold, so why can't we see her breath in HD?  Is she a vampire?  (Maybe she missed last week's game because Rachel Nichols bit her neck.)

Mort says that the Falcons are pleased with Mike Vick's response to his dirty bird from Monday.  Mort also says that everyone in the organization will be under review if the team doesn't make it into the playoffs.

Jaws is wearing men's glasses tonight.

A reader suggests that Chris Berman's great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandma had a fling with Fred Flintsone.

Chris Mortensen reports that the Bucs have made a contract offer to QB Chris Simms.

Berman makes a Flintstones reference.

Jimmy Kimmel drops by the set.  The Playmaker will be on his show on Tuesday night.  (We challenge Kimmel's writers to find a way to poke funs at Irvin's beliefs regarding genetics.)

A reader suggests that Drew Bledsoe's great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandma mated with a tree.  (We sense a theme emerging tonight.)

It's freaking hailing in Seattle.

Very lame segment with Hasselbeck in a coffee place.

She should have asked "what will be going through your head?"  (You know, the big bald thing on your shoulders.)

The net effect of the coffee thing with Hasselbeck?  Multiple readers now suspect that Matt is on the down low.

A reader suggests that Hasselbeck's interview from a coffee house eventually will be followed up with an interview of Michael Irvin from a crack house.

A reader suggests that Brett Favre's great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandma mated with her brother.

Comparing Favre's streak to a Mariah Carey song?  What the f--k?

Mort has a real dandruff problem.

A reader suggests that A.J. Hawk is the Geico caveman.

We're surprised Rachel Nichols' hand didn't burst into flames while she was holding a bottle of Holy Oil.

Okay, it's not hail.  It's sleet.  Sheesh.

A reader suggests that Joey Sunshine's great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandma hooked up with some annoying know-it-all who wouldn't shut up.

One problem with HD?  As a reader pointed out, you can see the saliva collecting in the corner of Ed Werder's mouth.

A reader suggests that the ESPN crew believes that Lord Favre's great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandma mated with God.

A reader believes that once the pregame show ends Irvin will try to snort the field.

A reader suggests that Joey Sunshine's great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandma hooked up with somebody who also had a dominant gene for osteoporosis.

Hey, didn't you used to be Tyra Banks?

"How cool is this?" asks Clarence Thomas.  We think his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandma mated with Potsie Webber.

More graphics for Kornholio's monologue, including a shot of the guy with whom Rachel Nichols' great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandma mated.

Lord Favre huffs some ammonia.

A reader suggests that Kornholio's great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandma mated with Uncle Leo.  Or James Denton.

Hank Williams Jr.'s great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandma got roughed up by some has-been singer while working at as a waitress.

Man, it's really coming down.  Maybe the ball will be easier to grip.

Shaun Alexander's great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandma mated with Tiki Barber's great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandpa.

Uh oh.  Hasselbeck throws an interception after a batted ball.

Ahman Green slips and falls.  The FieldTurf must be new.

Nice underthrow by Lord Favre -- horrible coverage by Marcus Trufant.

Touchdown Packers.  Just like that.  From Ahman Green.

Extra point is good.  7-0 Packers.

Tonight's drinking game -- bend an arm whenever one of the sock puppets talks about how great it is that it's snowing.

The ground crew is cleaning off the lines.  Snow is coming down harder.  The Big Show has a nice ice toupee going.

A reader points out that, tonight, Lord Favre is walking on frozen water.

Suzy shows that the field isn't slippery.  (Does she also count by stamping out the numbers?)

Brilliant observation from Sunshine -- penalties aren't good for an offense.

On a cold night like this, will the sock puppets' lips get stuck to Lord Favre's ass?

Another pick for Hasselbeck.

Lord Favre fumbles the snap.  Ahman Green recovers it.

A reader says it was no fumble -- it was a forward pass.

Fourth down for the Packers.  Three and out.

The rest of the lines are cleared off.

First down for the 'Hawks -- on two straight catches by Nate Burleson.

MVP fumbles but he gets the ball back.

Another first down on a nice swing pass to Mack Strong.

There's nothing like the yellow line on a snowy field.

A reader suggests that MVP got his nutsack twisted during that scrum for the ball.

Another first down for the 'Hawks.

A reader says that the Big Show accepted the "triple dog dare"; he licked his play card and not it's stuck to his face.

Josh Brown drops one in for three.

Snow keeps on falling.

Packers start from their 19.

Ahman gains six.

Green's suit and scraggly beard don't mix.

Vernand Morency has a nice run until he slips and falls on the field that, per Suzy Kolber, isn't slick.

Nice tackling, Seahawks.

Kelly Herndon picks one off in the end zone.

Sunshine said Lord Favre's elbow was fine, moments before he launched that quail.

Holy crap -- Hasselbeck throws another interception.  He's one pace for 11.  In this game.

Ahman Green breaks free to the Seattle nine.

Third and goal for the Pack.  Time out Green bay.

We missed the Big Show mouthing an expletive.

Man, is it just us or are the guys with the snow shovels better dressed than Bill Belichick?

Nice play call.  A non-draw running play on third and goal from the 11.

Sunshine sticks up for the decision minutes after saying that the Packers need to score a touchdown on this drive.

And the field goal is blocked.  Great decision.

Nice catch by Deion Branch.  First down Seahawks.

MVP finally plays like one.  For one play.

David Putty is at the game.

Kornholio disses Sunshine for saying that MVP "kept his feet under him."

Itula Mili got . . . hit pretty hard.

D.J. Hackett is now qualified to play for the Falcons.

Josh Brown bangs one in from 41.  7-6 Packers.

Several readers say that Branch's catch on that drive was incomplete.

Oh, great.  Jimmy Kimmel coming up.

Packers start inside their own 20.

Kimmel's nose should be growing.

At least he tries not to interrupt.

"JOE, HOW'S YOUR LEG?" Kimmel says.  WE LOVE THIS GUY!

Deep pass to Donald Driver, but falls incomplete.

A reader thinks that Kornholio has a man crush on Kimmel.

Where's that punter from?  Vagina, Saskatchewan?

Oh, sh-t!  Kimmel rips on Kornholio.  "The only thing you should be fantasizing about it hair."

Kimmel recognizes the need to shut up during a play.  Clarence Thomas declares his love for him.

Kimmel says he has a big smoker.  We're impressed.

The readers agree -- Fire Kornholio and hire Kimmel.

Kimmel should now take a crack at Tirico.  We vote for a sexual harassment reference.  "Hey, Mike -- grab any asses in the office lately?"

Meanwhile, the Seahawks are moving the ball.

A reader thinks that Kimmel's coat is Gore-Tex.

Here's a suggestion, for Kimmel to Tirico:  "Sorry, Mike, they wouldn't let me bring the Juggies tonight."

The booth guys give Kimmel a pair of receiver gloves.  Now Tony wants him to put one of them on and massage his prostate.

Josh Brown nails another field goal.  9-7.

Sunshine is pissed about the leg reference.

Kimmel is gone.  What a shame.  He's the best guest they've had.

Another graphics package comparing Lord Favre's career to other long runs.

We apparently missed Sunshine's comment that a ball is slicker in a dome than it is in sleet and snow.

Favre gets smacked by Julian Peterson and almost throws a pick.

We also missed Sunshine suggesting that Hasselbeck wants to be hit in the head in order to snap him out of his interception problem.

Okay, the most spoken word in the booth tonight is "Favre."

Are those two guys in that Lexus commercial on the down low?  (Holy sh-t -- they apparently are.  Actually, there's nothing "down low" about it.)

Wow.  Another pick by Hasselbeck, returned by Abdul Hodge for touchdown.  (Might officially be scored as a fumble.)

Clarence Thomas says the throwing of the bean bag means it's a fumble.  (WRONG -- bean bag is thrown on any change of possession, including the catch of a punt or kick.)

KGB jumped on Hasselbeck like polonium on a plate of sushi.

Tirico is talking about a live ball after the catch, but it's OBVIOUS that Branch was down by contact.

Jerramy Stevens' great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandma mated with Jackie Smith.

Sunshine is ripping Stevens, but it looks to us like Stevens simply didn't see the ball coming as he made his cut.

'Hawks inside the 20 with 70 seconds in the half.

MVP running hard.

MVP drops one.

Hasselbeck throws one into traffic -- and another drop.  (Good thing the ball is so tacky.)

Burleson drops one.

Three points for Seahawks.  14-12.

A reader says that the "Cardinal sin" of throwing against the grain is something Sunshine called "Classic Favre" minutes beforehand.

How are the Seahawks only losing by two points?

Kornholio says "everyone" was watching the Monday night game after Favre's dad died and that "everyone in America" was rooting for Favre.  Including Raiders fans?  Vikings fans?  Bears fans?  Fans of the 1996 Patriots?

Tom Jackson's Pacman sounds effects sound more like a constipated duck.

Halftime of MNF is absolutely worthless.

Tiki!  Hello!

Tafoya provides some relevant information. For a change.

Nice run by Green after a catch.  Seattle's defense is terrible when it comes to tackling.

The guys in the broadcast booth and on the pregame need to get their sh-t together -- Jaws says that Favre's first two fingers are messed up due to the elbow injury, and Sunshine and company say its his ring finger and pinky.

Uh oh.  Catch and run for 48 yards and the Packers already have scored.

Favre is only 10 touchdown passes away from Dan Marino's record.

Nice return by Nate Burleson, but there's a flag on the play.

MVP goes nowhere.  Suzy looks like Babs Streisand with her hair tucked in a yarn hat.

Stevens drops another one.

Seahawks punt.

Should Mel Gibson's face or name be mentioned at all in connection with the ad campaign for his new movie?  Who's his target demographic?  Ricky Manning and Borat?

Great point from a reader -- Sunshine bravely used the word "compound" when discussing Jerramy Stevens' drops problem.

Three and out for Packers.  Rookies on O-line are doing a nice job of keeping Favre from getting hit.

Another freaking drop.  When did Koren Robinson re-sign with the team?

Hackett is the only guy catching passes tonight for Hasselbeck.  (And the Packers defense, as one reader points out.)

MVP for the first down.

Another first down for the MVP.

Seahawks still on the march.

Hackett catches a touchdown pass.  Why is Hasselbeck throwing to anyone else?

Packers lead, 21-19.

Man, Warren Moon's forehead has grown.

Catch and run for Green.  12 yards.

Why is Steve Young in the booth?  We think he'll be Sunshine's replacement.

Sunshine mocks the ref.

"Man, the Cheesehead prop is so 1994.  Signed, Billy Ray Cyrus."

How does Favre have dirt on his helmet when it's a fake playing field?  Is it poo?

More graphics aimed at fellating Lord Favre.

Almost another interception.

Nice catch and shimmy by Darrell Jackson.

MVP has another nice run.  And another.

What Madden jinx?  (Never mind the broken bone in the foot.)

Michelle -- it's not "chomping" at the bit.  It's "champing".  (Now go back to eating hay.)

'Hawks go for it on fourth and one.  And get it.  First down at the Green Bay 19.

Kornholio offers Steve Young his bone.

Third quarter over.

A reader suggests that MNF should point out the "Ugly Fan of the Week."  (But would they ever make it past Kornholio?)

Touchdown pass to Darrell Jackson.  Nice throw.  Nice catch.  'Hawks lead for the first time tonight.  (Oops.  They led 9-7 earlier.)

Two-pointer to Jerramy Stevens.  He must have painted glue on his hands and wrists.

Several readers point out that the EA Sports animation of Colts TE Dallas Clark getting blown up by the Eagles actually happened on Sunday night.

Packers near midfield.

Driver makes nice catch when Herndon jumps too early.  (Herndon lost the ball in the night sky.)

This is actually a good game.

Morency slips on the non-slippery surface.

Packers get a field goal.  27-24 'Hawks.

Good point from a reader -- Hasselbeck is playing better because it quit snowing.

Hasselbeck's pass almost picked off.

Pass is incomplete, but Packers flagged for roughing the passer.  Blow to the head.  Sunshine says it was a terrible call but the rule book supports it -- especially with a statement that says "[i]f in doubt about a roughness call or a potentially dangerous tactic on the quarterback, the Referee should always call roughing the passer."

Stevens drops another.  But is hit hard. 

MVP gets a first down on fourth and short.

Another first down for MVP.

Steven was open and Hasselbeck wouldn't throw it to him.

MVP to the three.

Hasselbeck finds Stevens at the back of the end zone, and he makes a nice catch.  Game over.

Six minutes left.  Packers have the ball on their own 30.

Favre gets picked off on first play.  Game over.

MVP at nearly 200 yards rushing. 

Three and out.

Kornholio chronicles his favorite bald guys.  (We didn't know James Denton wore a piece.)

Another pick from Favre.  George Blanda is getting nervous.

'Hawks milking the clock.

How about Bill Belichick on the list for making the Hall of Fame.  Three Super Bowl wins?  Hello?

The cold weather takes a little of the perkiness out of Suzy.  She should do all games from inside a refrigerator.  (With the door closed.)

Lord Favre gets a chance for another pick.

Three straight completions.  All to Packers.

Two minute warning.

Another completion for Favre.

And another.

Six in a row.

Almost another pick.

Another first down.

Uh-oh. Ten second run-off.

Deep heave.  Almost picked off.

MVP has only the fourth 200-yard plus rushing performance on MNF.

Weird play at the end.  Flags.  Fumbles.  Whistles. 

Game over.  We're outta here.  Poobah's been up since 3:00 a.m.