MONDAY NIGHT LIVE BLOG

49ERS AT SEAHAWKS

Whoever scheduled Niners-Seahawks for a Monday night game is a freakin' idiot.

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CONTINUOUSLY UPDATED, November 12, 2007

Okay, here we are.  We're back for another Live Blog. 

The wind is so brisk in Seattle that the Emmitt and company might get blowed out.

Mort on ESPN is saying that Peyton Manning's performance on Sunday night was "heroic."  Sorry, Mort, but "heroic" would have been taking sacks instead of forcing passes into coverage.  Continuously.

And then Steve Young ripped Mort for his report.  "Only a heroic Mort can make Peyton Manning heroic throwing six interceptions.  That was beautiful.  Nice little spot there by Mort."

Says Mort, "I just wonder if Steve watched the game last night."

Then came an awkward moment when they both started talking at the same time and stopped and started again, like a couple of klutzes trying not to plow into each other on the subway platform.

Another Emmitt gem, in discussing Adrian Peterson's knee injury:  "He was coming through the line to make a move and got blindsided by Al . . . Wil- . . . Al . . . Jackson over there on the tackle."

Nice show prep, E. Smith!

Reader:  "Emmitt is sorry that he blowed the show prep."

Rachel Nichols says that the Seahawks will pass to set up the run tonight.  (And she's wearing a quite fetching hat.  As in, it makes her look like she should be fetching the newspaper.)

Says a reader:  "If throwing six picks is heroic, Rex Grossman should receive a medal of honor."

Suzi is sporting the Christmas tree look tonight.

Greg Garber, narrating the Mike Nolan piece, used a pronunciation of "conspicuously" that we've never before heard.  It rhymed with "suspiciously."

Either the wind has died down a lot, or Michelle Tafoya has been using Jimmy Johnson's hair spray.

Emmitt:  "Shaun Alexander have not shown up."  (Hey, at least he didn't say "have not showed up.")

Reader:  "Do you think that the UFO Dennis Kucinich saw is the same one that put crop circles on Steve Young's head?"

From a media member:  "According to TJ, Alex Smith is 'digressing' as a quarterback.  Which sucks because he also seems to be 'regressing.'  But I digress."

Oops.  Mort said that Travis Henry's hair samples tested positive for drugs.

Emmitt continues to be an unabashed homer when it comes to the Cowboys.

Several readers think that Emmitt is adding extra letters and syllables to the word "penalties."

It seems like ESPN does the fish throw thing every year when they play in Seattle.

Reader:  "I'd like to see Eyeball try to catch a fish shot out of a JUGS gun."

Emmitt screws up the comparison to Top Gun -- Goose wasn't Tom Cruise's wingman.

Nice report from Rachel Nichols about how Matt Hasselbeck prepares for having wet balls.

Everyone except Keyshawn took the Seahawks.

Fortunately, there was no in-stadium talking from the ESPN crew during the National Anthem.

Whoa -- a dude is dressed like Seahawks Santa on November 12.

Did Tirico say it's a "tough ass" for the 49ers.

Reader points out that Boeing moved out of Seattle.  (He's right -- they moved in 2001.)

It was easier for Drew Carey to raise the 12 flag, since he'd eaten half of it.

Great . . . Drew Carey is coming to the booth.

Reader:  "Did Susie steal John Travolta's wig from Hairspray?"

Niners have the ball.

Alex Smith goes deep for Darrell Jackson, and true to form he drops it.

Frank Gore powers ahead for a handful.

Browns fans are pissed that Carey is supporting the team that Cleveland beat last week.

'Hawks start at their 16.

First down Engram.

'Hawks face a third down.

Close call on the incomplete.  Not enough to reverse it, we think.

Looks like it hits the ground on side angle.

Reader:  "I just borrowed $2 million dollars from a loan shark named 'Jimmy Waffles' and bet the under because you said it would be windy.  I don't see any wind.  But Hasselback still sucks so I have that going for me."

Wow.  That sure doesn't look like indisputable visual evidence.

A reader has reminded us of the Big Show's explanation of what it should take to overturn a call -- something about drunks in a bar all agreeing.  (I can't remember the details because I was drunk in a bar when I heard it.)

Seahawks on the move.

I hate any of these players who mention themselves when they do the player intros.  (I also hate anyone who ever had a pony.)

Mo Morris got blowed up.

There should have been an ejection on that helmet-to-helmet hit.

Jaws needs to get a new prescription in his ladies frames if he thinks Hasselbeck was acting.

Touchdown throw to a tight end who doesn't drop the ball.

This is going to be a long night for the Niners.  Fumble and the 'Hawks get it.

Suggested drinking game -- "Take a swig whenever the Niners suck."

Hackett got mugged from behind.  The ref must have thought for a moment that he was calling a Patriots game.

10-0.

This one will be 24-0 soon.

Yeah -- the McRib is back.  Just in time for Thanksgiving.  Who in the hell needs turkey when McRib is back?

When Mike Tirico pairs off two by two, he has different plans that Noah did.

Alex Smith was celebrating the potential interference call -- until it was called on the offense.

Man, some of those guys in Seattle are ingesting a lot more than coffee.

Joe Dirt is attending the game.

That home-field advantage sure comes in handy at a neutral site.

Gore almost converts on a long third down. 

Kornheiser's cheat sheet looks like the menu at Denny's.

Clements went for the pick and whiffed.

Nice gain by Engram.  17-0 coming soon.

Seahawks have 11 first downs, Niners have none.

The lime green on some of the Seahawks' shoes is burning a hole in my retina.

A reader wants to know when Mark Mangino became the coach of the Seahawks. 

Penalty on Clements.  Good thing they only gave him $80 million.  (Okay, it's actually $64 million, but $80 million sounds better.)

How was that not intentional grounding?

Ugliest 46-yard field goal in league history, and it comes off of the board.

Apparently, when ESPN showed the head shots of the Niners' defense, the Michael Lewis they showed wasn't Michael Lewis the safety on the Saints but Michael Lewis the return man . . . who does play for the 49ers but not safety.

Is Jim Kelly the guy that Peyton Manning is talking to in that "just wear bigger shirts" commercial?

Anybody out there?

Wasn't it nice how no one in the booth bothered to mention that Alex Smith split out to the left and Arnaz Battle was in position to take a direct snap?

How do you think ESPN feels about the $64 million it's paying for he right to broadcast tonight's "game"?

Hackett down to the four on the first play of the drive.

17-0.  Game over.

49ers won't score 17 points over the rest of the month.

Reader:  "Nice of Jaws to give Gil Haskell credit for the play call.  Since Holmgren is holding the freaking play sheet."

Reader:  "Tony should do his Cosell impression all game.  The broadcast would be much better."

Tony wants to know what happened to tearaway jerseys.  Um, Mr. Winkle?  How were the last 30 years of slumber?

Another punt.

Jaws wants to be a G.M., apparently.

Niners are at the 31.

Jaws says you can't get any better field position than this.  (Um, how about the 30?  Or the 29?  28?  27?  You get the idea.)

"There is no foul on the play.  I threw my flag instead of my bean bag."

This is one of the worst offensive performances we've seen on a Monday night since . . . last Monday night from the Ravens.

A reader thinks that Jaws was ripping Matt Millen when he said that there are defensive linemen evaluating quarterbacks.

Reader:  "So much for parity.  Five good teams and 27 piles of suck."

Seven seconds left in the half.  Why would the Niners even bother to try?

That's no catch.

Review that call -- some fantasy outcomes might rely on that.

Reader:  "These are the fastest three minutes in football.  Is Berman on crystal meth?"

No halftime PTI.  Woo-hoo!

Unfortunately, the interview with the NASCAR ninnies was worse.

Reader:  "I wonder if NASCAR wastes time during their broadcasts to interview guys like Tom Brady and Randy Moss."

Third quarter.

Niners try an onside kick.  Worst-case scenario is that the Seahawks will score faster and kick off to them.

Jaws' coffee was kicking in when he threw it to the break.

Pick by the 49ers. 

We're slowing down a bit.

Emmitt is probably making fun of Jaws for saying "blown up" and not "blowed up."

Mort phoned in to say that interception thrown by Hasselbeck was quite heroic.

Niners have a big decision to make. 

Reader:  "The Niners are terrible.  At least they'll be able to rebuild next year with a high draft pick.  Oh, wait.  Never mind."

A reader thinks Jaws took at halftime some of whatever Berman uses to do the fastest three minutes in football.

Frank Gore is getting a little chunky.

Gore got it?  Tirico apparently is watching the big plays with his eyes closed.  Again.

Niners hold again.  They'll get another chance to not score.

Great.  Here comes Drew Carey, the new host of The Price is Right.  Unfortunately, his parents didn't get spayed or neutered.

A reader wants to know what ESPN is paying us to do these Live Blogs, since we're apparently the only reason why a lot of people watch the Monday night games that stink.  (Or, in other words, almost all of them.)

Drew Carey takes a shot at Matt Millen.

Maybe Drew will make a crack about Joey Sunshine and get banned for life.

Reader:  "Cleveland somehow pawned off Carey on an unsuspecting city.  Us Chicagoans are hoping to do the same with Jim Belushi."

Niners eschew (thanks, Tiki) the three-pointer again, and fail to convert on fourth down.

Can Drew Carey ever show his face in Cleveland again after becoming part owner of a soccer team?  In Seattle?

The folks at ABC/Disney are surely thrilled that the folks at ESPN/Disney are pimping a show on CBS/Not Disney.

Reader:  "Carey taking a shot at Cleveland Browns Stadium is what pisses me off.  'I like Browns Stadium, but this is nice and loud.'  Well then stay out there Fatty McTurncoat."

Can the membership program to fire the G.M. of Carey's team also include the owner?

Why don't they play a little Whose Line is it Anyway?

Reader:  "Drew Carey is so ugly that his eyebrows are trying to run away."

Jaws apparently said that Browns quarterback Derek Andersin is stroking it right now.  Mmmmmkay.

Reader:  "Whose Line Is It Anyway:  The show where everything is made up and the points don't matter.  Much like the 49ers game plan."

Drew gets the boot.

Meanwhile, they're still playing the game.

Reader:  "The last few games have been so boring, I’ve gone green and just turn off the TV and read your blog."

Another touchdown.  24-0.  Over.  Been over.

Steve Young is in the booth, showing off the crop circles.

Why not Emmitt?

Jaws reverts to shop talk, telling Young that they've "missed hots."

Steve Young says that Matt Hasselbeck needs to be Superman.  Too bad he looks like Lex Luthor.

When Steve Young says that his head grows and the veins comes out, what exactly is he talking about?

Whoa . . . the dude in the front row at Lambeau was giving a crotch wedgie to Ruvell Martin.

This game has devolved into another all-male episode of The View.

Jaws is really hoping to become a G.M.  Maybe he wants to be the G.M. of the Eagles.

Steve Young wants to stay in the booth and not get relegated to Emmitt and Eyeball duty.

Reader:  "Len P. thinks that Patrick Kerney had a heck of a game against Jammal Brown."

Michele asks, "What was going through your mind when your mind was being knocked out of your skull?"

He's at all the home games -- as in, "There's no extra seat on the plane for a guy who can't play."

The game is a complete afterthought at this point.

Mack Strong wants to get to the broadcast booth -- he's already more poised and capable than Emmitt.

Two minute warning.  The only real question is whether Seattle will continue with its starting offense.

That's it.  See you next week.

Maybe not.  Postgame.

Steve says he feels like he should be wearing a bag because of his connection to the 49ers organization.

"The NFC West is probably one of the weakest . . . conferences in the whole . . . NFC."  (Do we really need to say who said that?)

Emmitt stumbles again when referring to the numbers of Maurice Morris.

Emmitt says that Alex Smith is learning "three different offenses every year."

For some reason, waiting for Emmitt to screw up in the post game is more fun than the game itself.