by Profootballtalk editor Mike Florio

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POSTED 6:41 a.m. EDT; UPDATED 7:33 a.m. EDT, April 15, 2005

FINS, BUCS TALKING TRADE?

The Miami Herald reports that the Dolphins and the Tampa Bay Bucs could be flip-flopping their picks in round one, where the Fins have the No. 2 selection and the Bucs choose at No. 5.

Apparently, the Nicktator has persuaded Jon-Boy Gruden that, if the Fins use the pick, they'll take Utah quarterback Alex Smith.  We've previously heard that the Dolphins were merely blowing smoke regarding their interest in a quarterback with the No. 2 pick, in the hopes that they could finagle a trade down.

The potential move was triggered, apparently, by reports that the 49ers laid a positive foundation on a potential contract with the agent for Cal quarterback Aaron Rodgers, which would leave only one marquee quarterback on the board.

The rumor also indicates that the Bucs might have written off Chris Simms, a third-round choice in 2003 who whiffed in his chance to start last season.

Last month, Saban seemed to be leery of drafting a quarterback in round one.  ''The history of drafting [successful] quarterbacks in the first round is a 30-percent hit,'' Saban said.  "I don't know what the odds are on a craps table in Vegas, but I know about that one.''

If the Fins stand firm and draft Smith, it could be bad news for A.J. Feeley.  Our guess is that offensive coordinator Scott Linehan will want Gus Frerotte to show Smith the ropes in Linehan's offense, which by the way features a lot of those shotgun formations that Smith utilized as a Ute.

FRIDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

Some 'Zona fans learned to their chagrin that the costs of their tickets have been hiked by a whopping 54 percent.  

Jets coach Herman Edwards says that WR Laveranues Coles will not require surgery on his injured big toe.

Edwards also didn't rule out signing CB Ty Law.

Lions CEO Matt Millen says that the team wasn't lying about its visit with Utah QB Alex Smith last week.

Former Jags LB Tommy Hendricks says that he was "wrongfully fired" by the team.

A background check on Louisville RB Eric Shelton generated two incorrect reports of criminal activity.

Texas RB Cedric Benson is trying to distance himself from former Texas RB Ricky Williams.

Pats WR David Givens and DE Jarvis Green plan to sign their $1.43 million one-year restricted free agent tenders.

The Nicktator answers questions on the record for The Palm Beach Post, addressing among other things reports from LSU players who have expressed approval of new coach Les Miles' non-screaming style.

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reviews the Rams' schedule game-by-game and predicts a 10-6 finish (we didn't realize Hornheads had home-and-home series with the Roughriders, Alouettes, and Argos).

Miami DE Jason Taylor recognizes that his freedom to rush from the edges will be curtailed under the Nicktator's new defensive schemes. 

The Colts have re-signed CB Nick Harper.

Reggie Fowler hopes to close on the purchase of the Vikings by May 24 (of the year two-thousand-and-hell-hath-frozen-over).

The Lions think that WR Charles Rogers' two consecutive right collar bone fractures are the result of bad luck, not bad bones.

The South Carolina State Board of Medical Examiners has suspended Dr. James Shortt due in part to his distribution of steroid scripts to Panthers players.

The Bears have signed former Cardinals LB LeVar Woods.

Vikings season ticket holders renewed at a low rate of 90 percent.

POSTED 8:37 p.m. EDT, April 14, 2005

"MEXICO" IS A DIRTY WORD

Perhaps George Carlin needs to revise his classic list of seven filthy words to include the latest soap-in-the-mouth catalyst . . . . Mexico.

According to The Associated Press, the NFL has pulled the plug on sales of Michael Vick's No. 7 jersey personalized with the "M" word on the back -- as in Vick's Valtrex-ingesting alter ego named Ron Mexico.

Although we'd heard that several folks successfully placed orders for a "Mexico" jersey in the two days after word of the lawsuit against Vick and his herpetic twin broke on TheSmokingGun.com but before the story was picked up by the "real" media, new requests are met with this message: "The personalization entered cannot be accepted."

So there you have it, George -- sh-t, piss, f--k, c--t, c--ksucker, mutherf--ker, and t-ts . . . and Mexico.

The report also contains quotes from a real guy named Ron Mexico, who is an auto parts supplier in Brighton, Michigan.  "How do you pull a name like that out of the air?" said the real Ron Mexico.  "Use Bob Smith or Jim Johnson; there's 50 million of them.  Out of all the names in the whole world, I wanna know how he picked this name out."  

(By the way, a Google search reveals a "Ron Mexico" in Brighton, Michigan who plays college hockey at Utica.  If it ain't the same dude, it's one hell of a coincidence.)

And we're shocked, frankly, that The AP gave the story such prominent treatment, since the first wave of reports regarding the suit alleging that Vick gave a Georgia woman a case of Victor Maitland's Herpes Simplex Number 10 made no mention of the Mexico angle.

Still, not everyone has the stones to give this thing the attention it deserves.  ESPN.com, whose television affiliate is in the running to secure the rights to the Monday night broadcast package on which Ron Mexico will make three appearances this year, has buried both AP reports regarding Herpesgate on the "Wire" portion of its site, even as far less significant stories garner spots in the "Headlines" area of the page.

DID CURRIE GET CUT?

Attention scouts and war room residents:  If any of you are thinking about taking a flier on Clemson wideout Airese Currie, whose speed could put him into day one despite a glut of pass-catchers, you need to aks his agents, the Postons, a question or two about that stress fracture in his foot, which as we hear was detected at the Scouting Combine.

Word is that Currie has had surgery to correct the problem, but that Currie and his agents haven't been disclosing that fact to teams who've been aksing about him.

Before we get ourselves back in a position (again) where we're accused of mongering baseless rumors, all we're saying for now is that anyone interested in drafting Currie needs to find out if Currie had surgery and, more importantly, who performed it; when it was done; what the outcome was; and the expected duration of the rehab.

POSTED 10:15 a.m. EDT; UPDATED 1:32 p.m. EDT, April 14, 2005

LEAGUE URGING EAGLES TO STAND FIRM?

Word around the league is that the Commish plans to flex some muscle behind the scenes in order to get teams to stand firm in the face of demands by star players for new contracts.

The concern isn't just that paying T.O. (or trading him to a team that will) would set a bad precedent for the Eagles, but for the league.

Already, folks around the league -- and within, we hear, the league office -- are growing increasingly concerned by the fact that several players over the past few years have forced trades or new contracts (or trades to get new contracts) merely by holding out, threatening to hold out, and/or generally becoming pains in the ass to deal with.

The system of free agency, you see, was intended to provide players with a broad set of options after their contracts expire, not before.  Some players and agents (or, as some league insiders would say, agent) have been using the realities cap-driven system as a way to force teams to pay them or to move them to a team who will.

From the players' perspective, the argument is that the teams have the right to break contracts at any time if a player underperforms on his deal, but the player has no way to get fair treatment if he outperforms his terms.

We've thought this through carefully, and here's our official position:  Both sides are free to negotiate whatever contract the open market will bear.  If the player wants protection that he'll actually be paid his wages on the back end, he can aks for guaranteed salaries.  If he wants protection against outperforming the deal, he can aks for incentives based on his performance. 

And if he doesn't like what's on the table, he can try to find better terms elsewhere.

See, the gripes of many agents and players on this point relate not necessarily to the system, but to the market.  Even with a salary cap in place, each player's worth is determined by the forces of the market -- and the manner in which his agent capitalizes (or not) on any leverage the player might have.

One league insider's comments to us regarding the Owens situation illustrates the point that each contract is, in the end, the product of arm's-length negotiations, in which both sides should try to get the best deal they could.

Said Owens:  "Everyone knows my former agent [David Joseph] settled for a low-ball number because of my situation last season when Baltimore traded for me." 

Said our source:  "No T.O., your agent didn't 'settle.'  You signed the f--king contract.  You 'settled.'  If you sucked, were you going to give money back?"

Added the source, "The entire situation with Baltimore and Philadelphia and the circus surrounding his loss of leverage had everything to do with [Owens].  He created the circus, [and] he acted like a petulant asshole."     

Bottom line -- the Eagles likely won't budge on this one, and the league likely won't let them.

SCHEDULE FAVORS PACK, FALCONS?

Rightly or wrongly, some league insiders are griping about the 2005 schedule because they believe that it favors the Packers and the Falcons.

The Pack and Falcons each play three games on Monday night football, with all three of Atlanta's MNF affairs on their home field.  The teams also have one Sunday night game each, and they square off in a nationally televised late afternoon game in November.

Also, the Packers get a Christmas day game at home against the Bears, and the Falcons play the Lions on Thanksgiving.

Frankly, we're not sure whether the disruption to the schedule that results from Monday night and holiday games is outweighed by the exposure.  The league, obviously, is trying to help the networks generate the highest ratings possible -- especially with the Monday night and Sunday night packages still not placed beyond this season.

From our standpoint, we'd rather be able to watch the "good" games in prime time, when we're not otherwise doing the picture-in-picture thing and/or juggling the remote for six hours on Sunday afternoons. 

Now, whether the Packers and Falcons and/or games involving them can be regarded as "good" this year remains to be seen.  Green Bay seems to have taken a step back this offseason, and some league insiders think that Ron Mexico and the Herpettes might also see a correction to their strong 2004 campaign.

THURSDAY AFTERNOON ONE-LINERS

Word is that the Packers will match the one-year offer sheet signed by DE Aaron "Mein" Kamp"f"man with the Vikings on Wednesday, which the more we think about it was likely nothing more than a ploy to force the Pack to chew up cap room; the offer reportedly is worth more than $1 million.

Cal QB Aaron Rodgers told the 49ers on Wednesday that he should be the No. 1 pick because a quarterback touches the ball on every play (unlike receiver Braylon Edwards) and Rodgers is used to getting the ball while his hands are buried into the center's bunghole (unlike Alex Smith).

Vikings owner Red McCombs calls "preposterous" speculation that he'll use his coming windfall from the sale of the team (if/when the sale ever happens) to buy the Saints from his buddy Tom Benson and move them to San Antonio. 

The Jets saved their bid for a new stadium on the West Side of Manhattan by ponying up another $40 million at the latest minute.

The Cards won't pull the trigger on a trade for Bills RB Travis Henry until draft day, since they might take a different running back at No. 8.

The Vikings reportedly persuaded LB Sam Cowart to reduce the final three years of his contract to a one-year, $1 million deal when trading with the Jets for him last month.

POSTED 6:34 a.m. EDT, April 14, 2005

TEAMS TO TAKE A PASS IN ROUND ONE?

Earlier this week, reader Dave Golub of Round Lake Beach, Illinois raised an intriguing possibility with us.

What if, Dave said, the 49ers choose to let their 15 minutes on the clock expire on draft day -- and they then wait to pick their guy until after several other teams have selected players?

Really, in a draft where there are plenty of teams who'd like to trade down and none who (at this point) want to trade up, we could envision several teams being tempted to slide down a spot or two, especially if they know that the team or two behind them won't be taking the guy that they want.

The benefit of such a move is that the team can get the guy they want at a lower slot, arguably enabling them to sign him for less money.

But a league source tells us that, even though the Vikings got away with passing on its No. 7 pick in 2003 and allowing two other guys to be taken before drafting defensive tackle Kevin Williams at No. 9, the NFL likely would not tolerate teams intentionally sliding back on the board.

In Minnesota's case, there was enough evidence of inadvertence to keep the team out of trouble.  They'd apparently been trying to trade the spot to Jacksonville (who had the No. 8 pick) or Baltimore (who had the No. 10 spot), both of whom were hoping to nail down quarterback Byron Leftwich.

Word is that the topic has been discussed by the Competition Committee, and that there's an unwritten expectation that teams won't intentionally let others pick in front of them, in order to preserve the overall integrity of the process.

Also, as to the question of whether anyone wants to trade up, we've heard multiple times that the teams interested in making a move won't start making calls until next week.  So even though there's no present indication that anyone wants to get into, for example, the top five, that all could change within the next several days.

T.O. RAISES THE STAKES

Eagles receiver Terrell Owens continues to talk about his unhappiness with his contract status, and his desire for a new one.

And he's dangerously close to pulling an "all in" move on this one, pushing his full pile into the middle of the table in the hopes of winning the pot -- with the Eagles or with someone else.

In an interview with Stephen A. Smith of The Philadelphia Inquirer (who happens to be one of the few Philly denizens who is more obnoxious than T.O.), Owens claims that the organization is "leaking stuff to make me look bad," and he takes issue with the notion that he's being selfish in his effort to get more money.

"This is not about me being greedy or selfish," Owens said. "People should know.  I was called selfish for trying to come back and play in the Super Bowl.  I just want people to think about what they're hearing from all these reports about me being greedy.  Just take a moment and look at my stature in the game.

"I know I'm a top player in the game, and my current contract doesn't justify that.  The fact that I signed this contract, that I'm under contract, doesn't factor into anything when it comes to the National Football League.  [The Eagles] can cut me anytime they want to -- even if I'm performing well, I'm healthy and I'm putting up numbers, just because they don't want to pay a player that money.

"If they can do what's best for their financial future, then why can't I?

"Everyone knows my former agent [David Joseph] settled for a low-ball number because of my situation last season when Baltimore traded for me.  He told me he couldn't get a cent more, knowing I deserved more than they gave me.  They used their leverage to strong-arm us because they knew I wanted to leave Baltimore for Philadelphia, and they capitalized on it.  I can't go for that now.  It's not in me to do that."

Actually, T.O. has a point here.  Joseph screwed up Owens' shot at unrestricted free agency by not submitting paperwork voiding his San Fran deal, which triggered a clusterfudge that included a failed trade to Baltimore and an arbitration that could have ended in a finding that T.O.'s San Fran contract was valid.

Perhaps, in hindsight, Owens and Joseph should have held firm for a final arbitration ruling and then either hit the open market (and gotten the best money possible) or played out the final year of his prior deal and become an unrestricted free agent in 2005.  

The biggest problem here, as Owens seems to recognize, is that T.O. made it too clear that he wanted to be in Philly, and the team took full advantage of that fact when the time came to work out terms, paying him only (only?) $8.5 million in signing and roster boni a year ago, and pushing the remaining $7.5 million of lump-sum payments into 2006.

A year later, Owens' consternation primarily flows from the reality that the Eagles can pay him $3.25 million in salary this year, and then walk away without consequence if they choose not to pay him that $7.5 million, due next March.

So Owens continues to increase the chatter regarding his displeasure, sounding more and more like Freddie Mitchell every day.

For instance, T.O.'s latest barrage includes reference to a "discussion" he recently had with coach/G.M. Andy Reid.

"Coach Reid -- who I greatly respect, regardless of what people may think -- even tried to come at me, saying, 'Terrell, you signed a contract . . . promising us you wouldn't cause problems.'  I had to let him know that this isn't a problem.  That's a misunderstanding, because this is all about business."

And Owens also tried to 'splain away his recent diss of quarterback Donovan McNabb with this:  "I said what I said because, obviously, somebody in the organization is leaking stuff to make me look bad, to turn the city against me.  Now, why do that now?  Think about that.  Think about where it's coming from."

This one won't end any time soon, unless of course the Eagles blink.  Instead, our guess is that the team will stand firm, and that Owens will boycott all offseason activities and stay away from training camp.  Even if (as we've heard) the team will try to seize his signing bonus, they'll only be entitled to 5/6ths of $2.3 million, since $6.3 million of his up-front coin came in the form of a roster bonus.

So, worst-case scenario, even if he sits out the whole year, is that Owens has to pay back $1.92 million -- and loses $3.25 million in 2005 salary.  But we have a feeling that he'll take that risk in order to get a shot at the unrestricted open market for the first time in his career.

BRADY BROACHES CONTRACT STATUS

Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is the closest thing to a superstar on a championship team that de-emphasizes individuality.

Still, each individual on the team has a contract, and Brady's expires in two years.  Despite efforts to extend his deal, nothing has been finalized, reportedly due to his unwillingness to accept $24 million in bonus money via up to four installments, with some of the money not guaranteed.

"I'd love to be here for the rest of my career, but it's not entirely my decision," Brady said Wednesday, according to The Boston Globe.  

"I have two years on my contract and I plan to honor that," he said.

Brady surely realizes by now that, unless the NFL and the union reach agreement on a new collective bargaining agreement before his own contract expires, he'll become an unrestricted free agent in an uncapped year.  Even if the team slaps the franchise tag on him in order to restrict his movement, he'll still receive on a one-year basis the equivalent of the top five salaries at the position -- which includes Peyton Manning and Ron Mexico.

Until then, Brady counts $10 million against the cap this year, and a long-term extension surely would reduce that number.  But, for now, there's nothing happening.

"If anything changes, we have to come to an agreement, and we're not there," Brady said.

As we've said in the past, Brady likely is smart enough to know that he needs to make a sacrifice on the magnitude of his contract, given that many of the other guys who have helped fuel his success did the same -- directly helping Brady gain the stature that he now enjoys.

But even so, a $24 million bonus is peanuts in comparison to Peyton Manning's $34 million bonus from a year ago, and we think that, if the hang up is whether the full $24 million will be guaranteed, the team should relent, given that all of Manning's money will be paid.

POSTED 9:10 p.m. EDT, April 13, 2005

CASTILLO FESSES UP TO 'ROID USAGE

Apparently hoping to take the sting out of a looming report of a positive test for steroids at the Scouting Combine, Northwestern defensive tackle Luis Castillo sent letters to all 32 NFL teams explaining his basis for taking the substance.

Castillo reportedly tested positive for andro, which the league considers to be part of the "steroid family" (which conjures images of Jimmy No Nuts breaking bread with Uncle Pumpkin Head), and Castillo admits that he took the substance in order to expedite his recovery from an elbow injury.

Castillo's college coach, Randy Walker, also sent letters to each team 'splaining that Castillo never had tested positive for 'roids during his time with the Wildcats.

And as on-again, off-again Profootballtalk.com contributor and sports attorney/agent Ron Del Duca said Wednesday evening on Sporting News Radio with Arnie Spanier, Castillo had no choice but to come clean.  Del Duca said that, unlike current pro athletes who can clam up when there's a report of a positive test, Castillo is trying to get into the club, and he needs to persuade teams that he isn't a turd.

So Castillo's agent, Rick Smith, played it right, in our view.  With less than ten days to the draft, Smith needs to persuade as many teams as possible that Castillo's name shouldn't be erased from their draft boards.  Though Smith might be putting his own reputation on a limb with this one, his willingness to vouch for the kid might keep Castillo from pulling a Clarett. 

PACMAN PICKS OFF DIRTY PEE RUMORS

When we wrote a short segment a couple of weeks back regarding the existence of rumors that West Virginia defensive back Pacman Jones might have tested positive for a banned substance at the Scouting Combine, we took great pains to make it clear that we weren't reporting that Jones tested positive, and that we weren't trying to punk Pacman by sharing in this space a rumor that was spreading through the league faster than whooping cough in a whore house.

But, alas, not everyone actually took the time to read the full text of our various stories on the subject, which made clear (we thought) that the whole rumor would be either debunked or confirmed when the teams received their letter from the league listing the guys who had tested positive.  Ultimately, we learned that the rumor was indeed bogus even before the letters were issued.

Still, way too many people came away from the report with the misimpression that Pacman tested positive and/or has some type of an issue in this regard.  He doesn't.  

We also hear that Pacman has spent plenty of time in his visits to various NFL franchises dealing with questions about this non-issue, which has to be frustrating for a kid who should otherwise be enjoying the fruits of his talent as he tours the country.

So we're sorry, Pacman, that the whole thing got misconstrued, taken out of context, and/or blown way out of proportion.  Jones was and is clean, and anyone who says otherwise very well might be trying to help get Antrel Rolle or Carlos Rogers drafted before him.

POSTED 3:47 p.m. EDT, April 13, 2005

VIKINGS INK KAMPMAN TO OFFER SHEET

Don Seeholzer of The St. Paul Pioneer Press reports that the Vikings have signed Packers restricted free agent defensive end Aaron Kampman to an offer sheet.

The Packers have a week to decide whether to match the offer.  If they choose not to do so, they'll receive a fifth-round draft pick as compensation.

Kampman started all 16 games for the Pack at left defensive end in 2004, and notched 4.5 sacks.  If he lands in Minny, he likely would end up at the top of the depth chart, in front of 2004 third-rounder Darrion Scott.  Also, Kampman's arrival could take the Vikings out of the mix for a defensive end in round one of the April 23 draft, since the right side will be manned by 2004 first-rounder Kenechi Udeze.

Still, it's way too early to buy a purple jersey with "KAMPMAN" stitched on the back.  As the Jets learned after signing Broncos tight end Jeb Putzier to an offer sheet, the Vikings might have merely done the Packers' contract negotiations for them.

Then again, maybe the Vikes are merely trying to force the Packers to use up as much of their 2005 cap space as possible, thereby limiting Green Bay's ability to sign post-June 1 cap cuts.  The fact that it's only a one-year deal seems to indicate that Minny's motivation is, indeed, to simply force the Pack to pay.

So why would Kampman allow himself to be used as a pawn in this charade?  Because one year at whatever money the Vikes offered is likely a lot more than the $656,000 restricted free agent tender that Kampman would otherwise receive from Green Bay.  

From his perspective, Kampman gets more coin now, and he still ends up as an unrestricted free agent in 2006.

POSTED 1:02 p.m. EDT; UPDATED 1:30 p.m. EDT, April 13, 2005

BRONCOS RELEASE SCHEDULE EARLY

The Denver Broncos have upstaged the NFL, releasing their schedule more than an hour prior to the "official" unveiling of the NFL's schedule of games on the NFL Network.

Ditto for the Eagles, whose schedule was up as of 1:25 p.m. EDT, and possibly earlier.

The Packers also have given fans a peek at their schedule, announcing that they have back-to-back home games on Christmas Day (Bears) and New Year's Day (Seahawks), and that they play three Monday night games, against the Vikings, Ravens, and Panthers.

The other 30 teams, as far as we can tell, have complied with the league's edict to make like Sgt. Schulz until the NFL-owned television channel can break the news.

POSTED 11:29 a.m. EDT; UPDATED 12:30 p.m. EDT, April 13, 2005

SAINTS BLOW THEIR OWN HORN

A league source tells us that the New Orleans Saints and receiver Joe Horn have reached agreement on a new contract, which replaces the current deal that would have paid him $3.8 million in base salary in 2005, the final year of his deal.

Horn at one point had threatened to stay away from the team's involuntary voluntary workouts until a new deal was done, but he relented due to the fact that negotiations resumed last month.

The Saints reportedly paid Horn a $1 million roster bonus on March 18, after Horn refused to delay the due date.

The news on the contract front hasn't been as favorable for another Saint, cornerback Mike McKenzie.  We're told that the team has informed McKenzie that there will be no contract extension at this time.

McKenzie was traded to the Saints in 2004 after his efforts to get a new contract in Green Bay failed.  McKenzie currently is the only member of the team who is not participating in the involuntary voluntary workouts.

BROWNS SAY KELLEN IS FINE

Last season, we reported that Jags quarterback Byron Leftwich had an undisclosed knee injury.  The team denied it.  The truth, however, was that Leftwich indeed had been dinged.

Then, we reported that Jets quarterback Chad Pennington's shoulder injury was a rotator cuff tear.  The team denied it.  The truth, as the team later admitted, was that there was a tear.

So why do we wonder whether the Browns are speaking with forked dog bone when denying our report regarding rumors that tight end Kellen Winslow still hasn't fully recovered from his 2004 busted leg, that he might not fully recover before the 2005 season, and that he might never become the player he was expected to be when drafted last April?

According to Tony Grossi of The Cleveland Plain-Dealer, G.M. Phil Savage and coach Romeo Crennel disputed the rumors on Tuesday.

"I can tell you he's been working every day in the off-season program, and he's been leading the pack a lot of times," Crennel said.  "I don't believe there's anything we should be concerned about.  I think he's on course with his rehab.  We anticipate a full recovery."

If we're gonna get technical here, Crennel's statement doesn't really constitute a contradiction of our report.  The phrase "we anticipate a full recovery" means that he hasn't fully recovered yet, more than six months after the fact, and it's hardly a guarantee that he will be fully recovered on some date certain in the future.

Our report is what it be.  There's a concern that Winslow might never make it to where he was expected to be, regardless of whether the party line is (as it should be) that they "anticipate a full recovery."  What else is Crennel or Savage gonna say?  That it's true?

"You know, we really are worried that Kellen might never be the guy he's gonna be, so look for us to draft a receiver or a tight end at the top of round two."

So even though plenty of folks are quick to take our reports with a grain of salt, everyone needs to keep this in mind.  We have zero incentive to bear false witness -- the teams about which the rumors relate usually do.

FOUR POTENTIAL PICKS FAIL PEE TESTS

According to ProFootballWeekly, four potential draft picks produced positive urine sample at the Scouting Combine in February.

Wisconsin defensive tackle Antajj "The Second 'J' Stands For Joint" Hawthorne, Wisconsin guard Jonathan Clinkscale, Clemson defensive tackle Eric Coleman, and Bowie State safety Atcheson Conway each tested positive for marijuana.

As we recently reported, no one of any significant consequence to the draft tested positive.  Although Hawthorne was regarded as a potential first-rounder prior to the season, he generally was not seen as a day one selection, even before the positive test.

POSTED 6:58 a.m. EDT, April 13, 2005

POSTONS PUFFING ABOUT TY

With their client list shrinking and our interest in talking about them waning, agents Carl and Kevin Poston had disappeared, for a while, from our radar screen.

But they're not gone yet, and we hear that they're still doing the same things that made them the most despised agent tandem in NFL circles a year ago.

As to their highest profile free agent in 2005, cornerback Ty Law, word is that the Postons are telling teams that they can get a deal averaging $7.5 million a season for the aging defensive back with a broken foot.

"Then go do the deal," we're told at least one team has said in response.

The truth is that the market for Law currently is in the range of $3 million to $3.5 million a year, and that if/when the Postons reduce their demands to that range, they'll get a deal done.

One of those teams might very well be the Steelers.  On Tuesday, director of football operations Kevin Colbert acknowledged that there still is "mutual interest" between the team and Ty, who visited the facility twice in March.

MCNABB TAKES THE HIGH ROAD

In the wake of an implicit dissing from receiver Terrell Owens, who told ESPN.com's Len Pastabelli on Monday that he "wasn't the guy who got tired in the Super Bowl," Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb has shown restraint.

According to The Philadelphia Daily News, McNabb told his agent, Fletcher Smith, that he "doesn't know the context" and "would rather talk to T.O. about it" before commenting on the subject.  Smith also said he doesn't think McNabb plans to call Owens, but Smith expects they'll discuss it "when they see each other, when it comes up."

"Donovan's had worse things said about him than that," Smith said.  "This isn't going to affect him adversely one way or the other.  At the end of the day, Donovan wants to win."

Meanwhile, Owens' agent, Drew Rosenhaus, bristled at the suggestion that T.O. was referring to McNabb.  "You're making an inference," Rosenhaus told The Philadelphia Daily News.  "Terrell didn't mention any names.  Terrell made his comments [Monday].  There's no need for me to explain or clarify anything."

Yeah, it's an inference, Drew.  It's the same kind of inference that would be made if, let's see, Owens had said "that dude on the team who pimps soup was almost blowing his clam chowder in the huddle with the Super Bowl on the line," or "the guy who wears number 5 is a homo."

Meanwhile, Eagles president Joe Banner is trying desperately to put a happy face on the gradual implosion of his roster.  "To the extent that people want to view these situations as problems, they're problems created by people who want to be here so badly," Banner said.  "That's what you'd call a good problem."

We can't even begin to make a smart-ass reply to that one because we don't freaking understand it.  

Look, Joe, here's what's happening.  You've got a handful of guys who could give a pile of eagle poop about whether they wear green and white -- they just want to get paid.  And Owens, for instance, is going to gradually, slowly, continuously throw darts at you, McNabb, and anyone else he can in an effort to get the organization to either shut him up by paying him -- or shut him up by getting rid of him.

WEDNESDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

When the NFL releases the regular-season schedule at 2:00 p.m. EDT on Wednesday, The New York Post predicts that the Giants and Chargers will meet in a Monday night affair, since Giants quarterback Eli Manning spurned San Diego a year ago.

The Rocky Mountain News predicts that the Broncos will be slated to visit the Cowboys on Thanksgiving.

Eagles DT Corey Simon wouldn't confirm or deny a report by ESPN's Sal Paolantonio that he has asked the team to remove the franchise tag from him.

Redskins LB LaVar Arrington didn't have anything to say regarding his meeting with coach Joe Gibbs, which came a day after LaVar unLoaDed about the team's handling of his knee injury; Arrington instead opted to take a shot at the media, saying "I'm happy about trying to get my knee together, and that's my main focus.  Y'all got y'all's stories that y'all want to write.  Y'all want to depict me as a bad guy.  I'm hurt.  It is what it is.  Y'all do what you want to do."

In the same article, The Washington Times took a shot at the team that has been giving it most-favored-paper status of late, writing that Redskins Park "has devolved into a theater of the absurd."

Redskins S Sean Taylor, who wants to renegotiate the rookie contract he signed less than a year ago, hasn't been returning coach Joe Gibbs' phone calls; Gibbs also implied that, if he knew that Taylor wouldn't be participating in the team's involuntary voluntary workouts, the Redskins wouldn't have drafted him.

Lions QB Joey Harrington isn't fazed by the fact that the team signed QB Jeff Garcia and brought in QB Alex Smith of Utah for a pre-draft visit.

The NFLPA has approved a tougher form of steroid testing (maybe the next time a punter is blatantly juicing, they'll catch him).

Broncos QB Jake Plummer says that the team will go back to the playoffs -- again -- in 2005 (and we say that they'll get their butts kicked -- again -- in round one).

We hear that the agent for Ohio State K Mike Nugent has placed a friendly wager that his guy will be selected in the first round -- hey, dude, if you're taking more action on that one, we're in, because the only way your guy is off the board in round one is if about 40 or 50 guys go Len Bias in the next ten days.

Eagles RB Brian Westbrook hasn't signed his $1.43 million restricted free agent tender offer.

The Packers are bracing for DE Aaron Kampman to sign an offer sheet with an undisclosed team -- the deadline for making offers to restricted free agents is Friday.

Texas LB Derrick Johnson and Maryland DE Shawne Merriman visited the Lions on Tuesday.

Jags owner Wayne Weaver says that "[w]hat we're trying to do is get people more excited about being at Alltel Stadium on game day" (dude -- isn't the real issue the fact that you dropped your team in a town without enough people to support a mediocre team?).

Pats K Adam Vinatieri has signed his one-year franchise tender, which will pay him $2.51 million guaranteed for 2005.

The Patriots have released TE Jed Weaver and CB Hank Poteat.

Lions WR Charles Rogers has put on 15 pounds of muscle (and he's got big pillows sewn over each collar bone).

The Rams have made a one-year offer to QB Jamie Martin, but there's no deal yet.

Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger hopes that the team will open up the offense a bit more in 2005.

Big Ben also opened up a little on Tuesday, acknowledging that he's dating pro golfer Natalie Gulbis (hey . . . we thought they all were Les Bohemes . . . not that there's anything wrong with it.).

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Think the Redskins get it?  Think again.  From coach Joe Gibbs:  "I'd be willing to say if you stacked us up with all of the other teams in the league, that we're on the low side for having problems."  

POSTED 7:45 p.m. EDT, April 12, 2005

KEYSHAWN STORY WAS "A JOKE"

A league source tells us that the recent flap between Cowboys receiver Keyshawn Johnson and ESPN occurred because someone in the organization overheard Johnson joking with trainers that he is unhappy with his contract.

We're told that the person who leaked the information to ESPN heard the exchange, and assumed incorrectly that Johnson is unhappy with his current contract.

In refuting the story last week, Johnson said that he plans to attend faithfully the team's offseason workouts, and we've heard that he indeed is heavily involved in the involuntary voluntary sessions.

But Johnson didn't address the fact that the report originated from the fact that someone overheard his tongue-in-cheek exchange with trainers, either because Johnson didn't realize the connection at the time or because Johnson doesn't want to lend credence to the notion that perhaps there is a plausible explanation for the ESPN report at which Johnson "laughed."

SHARPER SIGNS WITH SEAHAWKS

John Clayton of ESPN.com reports that the Seahawks have signed linebacker Jamie Sharper to a five-year, $17.5 million contract.

The move ends Sharper's flirtation with the Bengals, and pulls the plug on eleventh-hour speculation that Sharper could end up reunited with his brother, Darren, in Minnesota.

Sharper, 30, won a Super Bowl with the Ravens and was added to the Texans in the 2002 expansion draft.  He became expendable after Houston signed Morlon Greenwood in March.  When a trade couldn't be finagled, Sharper was released.

POSTED 11:30 a.m. EDT, April 12, 2005

SHARPER FAMILY REUNION IN MINNY?

Agent Tony Agnone tells us that rumors of linebacker Jamie Sharper heading to the Vikings are premature, and that Sharper presently is negotiating primarily with the Seahawks and Bengals.

But when we asked Agnone whether the Vikings might be on the horizon for Sharper, Agnone said that they "very well could be."

Sharper's brother, Darren, signed a four-year deal last month with the Vikings after being released by the Packers.  Earlier on Tuesday, we reported that an unidentified ESPN.com message board poster with a track record of having inside information regarding the Vikings had dropped hints about a family reunion in the Twin Cities.

If something happens in this regard, it would be the third time in the past seven years that the Vikings have had brothers on the roster.  In 1998, the Vikes signed Eric Moss not long after drafting brother Randy.  And in 2001, defensive back Dale Carter joined half-brother Jake Reed for a cup of coffee in Minny.

As always, stay tuned.

POSTED 8:37 a.m. EDT, April 12, 2005

NEWS FLASH:  ARRINGTON STILL A TURD

Reaction around the league to linebacker LaVar Arrington's tongue-lashing of the Redskins has been positive for the team, negative for the player.

On Monday, Arrington went off on the franchise that drafted him in 2000 for allegedly trying to rush him back from a knee injury suffered last year.

"I'm taking as much time as I need," Arrington said after undergoing arthroscopic surgery due to a setback in his ongoing rehab.  "And if that means they're upset and want to get rid of me, then so be it.  But I'm not coming back before my knee is ready.  I tried it their way, and it got me on crutches again. . . .  They can get upset, be uncomfortable with it, but I'm going to take as much time as I need.

Arrington also was upset that the team didn't bother to publicize the fact that he recently had surgery.  "In terms of the support from them, it's like nothing," Arrington said.  "It's like, just let me disappear and die. To me, it just kind of [stinks].  It's not like I have a relationship with them anyway -- because they're new. ... Does that mean it's right the way things are handled?  I had a teammate that didn't even know I had surgery."
  

Said one league insider in response to Arrington's comments:  "He has been overrated since college, and also a turd . . . who only cares for himself.  [He] will never be as good as he thinks he is . . . [M]ost in the league know this guy is full of sh-t."

For their part, the Redskins hope to defuse the situation, and coach Joe Gibbs believes that Arrington will retreat from his comments after coach and player have a chance to talk the issues through on Tuesday.

Gibbs also disagrees with the notion that the team pressured Arrington to return early from his bum knee.  "Every single part of LaVar's injury has been treated with utmost caution," Gibbs said.  "And I would say that, from a Redskins standpoint, even LaVar has been mad at me because we've been so cautious."

The root of this one could be the fact that Arrington realizes his days in D.C. will indeed be numbered if he can't get back onto the field in 2005 and justify his salary -- and his 2006 roster bonus in the amount of $6.5 million.  

At this point, Arrington's lingering grievance based on the notion that the team promised him a second $6.5 million roster bonus next year is moot, since it's obvious that the team wouldn't have paid it -- and that he wouldn't pocket that kind of money on the open market.

If anything, Arrington should be happy that the team extended his deal and paid him a bunch of new money in late 2003 before his knee went the way of his attitude.  His overall value to the Redskins -- or any team -- has taken a major drop since then, and every time he opens his mouth he hurts his chances of ever getting paid by his current squad or any other organization the kind of money he thinks he deserves.

WINSLOW WASHED UP?

There are rumors floating around the league that Browns tight end Kellen Winslow might never completely become the player he was expected to be due that broken leg he suffered playing special teams early in the 2004 regular season.

Even if he eventually reaches his potential, word is that the injury might last longer than originally feared, jeopardizing his ability to contribute in 2005.

Winslow's season-ending injury caused shock waves through the agent community, because it prevented him from cashing in on an otherwise no-brainer incentive payment based on the achievement of minimum playing time in his rookie season.  His agents (the Postons) erred by dropping the 30 percent threshold in 2005 only; many rookie deals call for the payment to be made if the number is achieved in any one of multiple seasons.

JAMIE SHARPER HEADING TO MINNY?

We rarely pay attention to the hundreds of NFL message boards that are out there, for two big reasons.  First, there are only 24 hours in the day, and we've yet to find a way to function without sleeping for at least six of them.  Second, finding anything useful on a message board is like searching for the proverbial (or, as they say in Pittsburgh, "perverbial") needle in a haystack -- without knowing for sure that a needle is even in there.

But with all that said, we've received several e-mails over the past few weeks alerting us to the fact that a guy with apparent inside information regarding the Vikings has been posting clues on an ESPN.com message board that have come to fruition.  For example, we got a head's up from a reader regarding a comment by "ShReDdErguy" that safety Brian Russell is "gone" -- a day before Russell signed an offer sheet with the Browns that the Vikings ultimately did not match.

So now this "ShReDdErguy" dude is dropping hints that free-agent linebacker Jamie Sharper could end up joining his brother, Darren, as a member of the Vikings.

Darren Sharper, a former Pro Bowl safety, signed with Minnesota within days after being cut by the Packers in March.

Jamie Sharper initially was on the trading block in Houston after the team signed Morlon Greenwood from Miami.  But Sharper and teammate Jay Foreman eventually were released by the Texans.  Sharper has visited the Seahawks and Bengals, and was expected to possibly announce his destination on Monday. 

Jamie Sharper would help the Vikings further shore up the weakest area of their defense, which has been plagued by injury, youth, and underachievement over the past few seasons.  He also would be the sixth new acquisition on the previous red-haired stepchild side of the ball, joining Darren Sharper, linebacker Sam Cowart, linebacker Napoleon Harris, cornerback Fred Smoot, and defensive tackle Pat Williams.

OWENS SAYS HE WANTS TO STAY IN PHILLY

Speaking for the first time since switching agents and, as a consequence, making waves throughout the City of Brotherly Hate, receiver Terrell Owens told The Philadelphia Inquirer on Monday night that we wants to remain a member of the Eagles.

"As of right now, I'm a Philadelphia Eagle, and that's where I want to remain," Owens said.  "I had one of my best years there, so why would I want to leave?  I just want the fans to know this is nothing personal.  It's business."

Still, Owens wouldn't commit to attending the team's minicamp the weekend after the upcoming draft.  "At this point, I don't have a clue about anything like that," he said.

Owens and his new agent, Drew Rosenhaus, also took issue with a television report that T.O. missed and/or slept through many team meetings in 2004, including meetings during Super Bowl week.

"My whole preparation at the Super Bowl was just trying to help the team win," Owens said.  "I don't know why anybody would try to bash me on that."

"Everything Terrell did at the Super Bowl let you know that he was the consummate professional," Rosenhaus said.  "It's unbelievable that anybody would question what he did.  That's just a joke."

Still, Owens didn't deny that he was late and/or unconscious at meetings during the regular season.

POSTED 9:34 p.m. EDT, April 11, 2005

MONDAY NIGHT ONE-LINERS

The State of Louisiana wants the Saints to cough up $40 million toward renovations of the Not-So-Superdome.

Redskins LB LaVar Arrington suffered a setback last week in the ongoing rehab of his injured knee; after feeling a "tweak," he ended up having arthroscopic surgery (it looks like that extra $6.5 million roster bonus that allegedly should have been included in his December 2003 contract extension will be irrelevant, since the team very well might cut Arrington in lieu of paying the $6.5 million roster bonus that's already in the deal). 

The Ravens have signed Rams LB Tommy Polley to a one-year deal; he'll replace Edgerton Hartwell, who signed with the Falcons.

The Ravens have launched a special web site to announce their tenth season in Baltimore (we're going to set up our own special web site for this one -- it's called whoopdefreakindoo.com).

Jags WR Reggie Williams is trying to forget about his dismal rookie season (so are we).

From the "If You Can't Sell 'Em, Cover 'Em In Burlap" file -- Jags owner Wayne Weaver tries to put a happy face on the fact that the team will obscure 9,713 seats at AllTel Stadium in the hopes that the team will be able to actually televise a home game once in a while (we suggest doubling that number and playing the Colts, Pats, or Steelers every week). 

Broncos CB Champ Bailey is looking forward to getting burned twice per year by Randy Moss.

The Giants are getting overtly political in their effort to get a new stadium in New Jersey.

The Cards have signed CB Robert Tate and G Jeremy Bridges to one-year deals, and dumped LB Raynoch Thomson and LB LeVar Woods.

WR Braylon Edwards visited with the 49ers on Monday.

Some members of the "real" media continue to be under the alcohol-induced misimpression that the Niners would take CB Antrel Rolle with the No. 1 pick.

RB Corey Dillon signed a contract extension with the Pats that will pay him $10 million over two years and up to $25 million over five.

The Titans have signed DE Kyle Vanden Bosch to a one-year deal.

Electronic Arts now owns the exclusive rights for NFL, Arena League, and NCAA football video games.

POSTED 12:12 p.m. EDT; UPDATED 1:36 p.m. EDT, April 11, 2005

T.O.'S CONTRACT MAKES TRADE VERY EASY

We've confirmed that Eagles receiver Terrell Owens has a contract that would make it very easy, from a cap standpoint, for the team to trade or release Owens between now and the fifth day of the 2006 league year.

Owens, we're told, received a roster bonus of $6.5 million and a signing bonus of $2.3 million in 2004.

He also is set to receive a $5 million roster bonus on the fifth day of the 2006 league year, and an option bonus of $2.5 million later in the month of March 2006.

So with the entire $6.5 million roster bonus counting against the Eagles' 2004 salary cap, the only complication is the remaining five-sixths of Owens' $2.3 million signing bonus, which equates to $1.92 million.

Balanced against Owens' 2005 salary of $3.25 million, the net hit would be a gain of $1.33 million.  And the team also would avoid a $7.5 million investment in 2006.

The purpose of this here post isn't to say whether the team will or won't keep T.O. in 2005.  We'll have more on that later.  For now, the reality is that the Eagles will realize a very low cap consequence if they later choose to make a move.

FORD FEARED MAN-ON-CAT LOVE

While concocting inane speculations (as some of you surely believe) regarding the Iggles and T.O., we somehow missed a story from The Associated Press regarding former NFL kicker Cole Ford and his shotgun attack on the home of Vegas illusionists Siegfried and Roy.

Based on a psychiatric evaluation, Ford apparently viewed the duo as a threat.  Not to himself, but to the world.

Specifically, Ford thought that they were getting jiggy with their tiggies, and that such conduct was responsible for the development of viruses such as AIDS.

"While watching Siegfied and Roy, [Ford] had a sudden realization that what was wrong with the world was linked to the illusionists' treatment, dominance and unhealthy intimacy he saw them having with their animals," said the psychiatrist in the report, which apparently triggered a finding that Ford is not mentally fit to stand trial for opening fire on the entertainers' home with a 12 gauge.

Given that a newspaper was sued last week for incorrectly linking former NFL running back and baseball star Bo Jackson to steroids, we need to be clear here.  We're not saying that S&R were engaged in any S&M with their overgrown house cats.  

Frankly, we'd assumed that Mr. Siegrfried and Mr. Roy merely were engaged in more natural conduct (relatively speaking) with each other.  (Again, we don't know whether they're gay, or whether they're gay with each other.  The last thing we need is to be sued by two dudes who act like they're gay.  But we really don't know whether they really are gay.  Or not.)

If anything, Ford's fears could help shed some light on the 2003 mauling of Roy (or was it Siegfried?) by one of their cats.

Perhaps the whole thing, under Cole Ford's view of reality, was the result of an extremely twisted love triangle.

POSTED 8:39 a.m. EDT, April 11, 2005

BRONCOS "DESPERATE" TO EXIT ROUND ONE

A league source tells us that the Denver Broncos are "desperate" to trade their first round pick in the draft, the 25th overall selection.

The reason for their desire to trade down is that they simply don't want to spend the money required via the slotting system on a first-round pick.  Instead, they'd prefer to pick up multiple lower-round selections.

The Broncos have a history of mining gold in the later rounds, and mixed experiences at the top of the draft.  They did well last year with linebacker D.J. Williams, but they also have picked guys like Willie Middlebrooks, Deltha O'Neal, and Marcus Nash during the reign of Head Coach/Grand Poobah Mike Teflonahan.

NINERS TO START NEGOTIATING THIS WEEK

Word is that the San Francisco 49ers will commence negotiations this week with Cal quarterback Aaron Rodgers, Utah quarterback Alex Smith, and Michigan receiver Braylon Edwards.

As one league insider explained, the Niners have some extra leverage over the two quarterbacking candidates, since one or both of them could tumble out of the top five if not selected by San Fran.  So the issue for both is whether to accept the bottom-line deal offered by the 49ers -- or to risk getting far less as, perhaps, the No. 6 (Tennessee), 8 (Arizona), or 10 (Detroit) selection.

Edwards, in contrast, is likely to be selected in the top five, which means that even if he doesn't get the bonanza typically given to the No. 1 overall pick, he'll still get paid extremely well as a top-fiver.

EAGLES SAY NO TRADE FOR T.O. 

We're hearing that the Eagles responded to our report/speculation regarding a possible trade of receiver Terrell Owens by saying that it'll never happen.

But we're not ready to rule it out.  After all, if the Eagles come off as anxious to move Owens, they risk getting a lot less in exchange (see Vikings, Minnesota).  

The right approach for the team will be to see if anyone contacts them about a possible swap.  Indeed, one team already has asked us if we know what the Eagles would take for T.O. (we don't).  If/when those contacts get directed to Philly, the organization can play coy, in an effort to get maximum value.

And even though some say that coach/G.M. Andy Reid would trade his own wife before trading the guy whose name he couldn't properly pronounce at an introductory news conference a year ago, our guess is that every player has a price -- especially where his contract apparently was constructed to permit the team to walk away within the first two years of the deal, at a relatively minimal expense.

You see, that widely publicized $10 million signing bonus might have been a lot lower than reported, with possibly only $2.5 million in signing bonus money paid in '04, with the bulk of the "up front" money coming in the form of roster boni and an option bonus due in 2006.  So if the signing bonus in year one was only $2.5 million, the net cap result from trading T.O. would be a gain of  $1.167 million, given his $3.25 million salary.  

We're trying to confirm these figures.  For now, though, we think that it's way too early to write off the possibility that the Eagles would make a move.  Owens was a borderline problem in 2004 when he didn't have any reason to be pissed off; if he's got a stick up his butt this time around, it'll only hurt the overall chemistry of a team that did quite well in two postseason games without him.

The real question is whether the team will opt to take a hard line with Owens in order to prevent other guys from trying to get new deals and/or traded by bitching loudly enough about their financial situations.  Even though moving him now might be the right thing to do in the abstract, the team has to consider whether a trade will set a bad precedent for the nucleus of players who are locked up over the long haul.

The issue ultimately could be careening toward a training camp showdown, with T.O. holding out and the team eventually attempting to recover from him the bulk of his signing bonus.  

MONDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

Former Panthers lineman Al Lucas, 26, died from an apparent spinal cord injury while making a tackle in an Arena League game.

West Virginia defensive back Adam Jones clarifies the proper spelling of his nickname -- it's "Pacman" . . . one word, no hyphen (hey, just like "mutherf----r").

It looks like The Detroit News is in cahoots with the Lions' efforts to downplay their interest in Utah QB Alex Smith; the publication said nothing at all about the team's recent effort to conceal a visit by Smith the quarterback, and the paper now has a big-splash feature regarding Smith the tight end. 

LB Jamie Sharper could announce his new team on Monday.

Even though a California newspaper has apologized for inaccurately linking Bo Jackson to the juice, Bo's lawyer says the defamation lawsuit will continue (no sh-t -- the paper just handed Jackson a finding of liability on a silver syringe).

The Rams no longer will be holding training camp in Macomb (Ill.), but instead will get ready for the season in St. Louis.

The Panthers are losing their corporate sponsorship with Lowe's, which is opting to partner with the NBA Bobcats instead.

POSTED 5:12 a.m. EDT; UPDATED 6:15 a.m. EDT, April 10, 2005

EAGLES TOYING WITH TRADING OWENS?

It's been widely reported that the Philadelphia Eagles will not be reworking the long-term contract that receiver Terrell Owens signed a year ago, after being traded from the 49ers to Philly following a clustermess of a botched trade to Baltimore and the failure of Owens' former agent, David Joseph, to submit paperwork on a timely basis that would have made Owens an unrestricted free agent.

There are rumblings throughout the league that the Eagles likewise have no desire to tolerate a disgruntled Owens, who proved to be a major pain in the rear end for San Fran in 2003, his final season with the 49ers.  (And he was hardly a choir boy before that.)

So the only logical move would be a trade.  

And this report meshes with some preliminary noise we're hearing about the Eagles potentially being interested in moving into the top end of the draft, which if they were to move T.O. would suggest that they would be trying to get in position to acquire Braylon Edwards or Mike Williams.

Based on these very premature rumors, our guess is that the Eagles would make two trades.  First, they'd send Owens to one team in exchange for a package of picks, including a first-rounder.  Then, the Eagles would package their No. 31 pick in round one with the first-rounder that they snare via an Owens deal to make their move to the top of the board.  (They also hold the No. 35 pick due to the A.J. Feeley trade, the No. 63 pick, the No. 77 pick from the John Wellbourn trade, and the No. 94 pick.)

It would be an extremely shrewd move for the Eagles, especially in a year when no one is looking to trade into the top five -- and multiple teams would love to get out.

Under this scenario, then, the core question is who gets Owens, and for how much?

The Vikings' fire sale of Randy Moss arguably sets the market at something other than two first-round picks.  Our guess would be that, in light of the Moss deal, Owens could draw a one and a two, or a one and a three.

But who gives up the picks and then pays Owens?

San Diego needs a big-play receiver (they pick at 12 and 28), but they had a very bad experience two years ago with David Boston.

Cowboys coach Bill Parcells (who holds No. 11 and No. 20) surely would swap one of those picks for a player who can make an impact in Tuna's final season in Dallas, but it's hard to fathom the Eagles sending T.O. to a team they place twice a year.

Ditto for the Redskins, who never met a flawed superstar whom they didn't like.  They hold the No. 9 pick, and Dan Snyder likely couldn't resist the opportunity to load up his offense with Owens.

Or how about the Panthers at No. 14, who need a complement to Steve Smith?

And it's hard not to at least consider the potential impact of T.O. in Minnesota, which has two first-round picks and the cap room to keep Terrell happy -- but which just ran a me-first receiver out of town and is in the process of cultivating a team-centric attitude in the locker room.  

Of course, the Eagles could forego the double move and try to send Owens to Tampa for the No. 5 overall pick.  There's a chance, however, that neither Edwards nor Williams will be on the board when the Eagles would be on the clock.

If anything's going to happen, then, look for a two-tiered trade that ultimately puts the Eagles at No. 4 or higher.

What about the cap hit, you ask?  In 2004, Owens signed a seven-year, $42 million contract with a $10 million signing bonus (the real number might be a lot lower -- we're looking into it).

Since bonus money can be spread only three years beyond the last capped season under the Collective Bargaining Agreement (which is 2006), Owens' $10 million payment (assuming it was not two-tiered) results in a yearly charge of $1.67 million.

Trading him would trigger a cap charge of $8.33 million, which would be offset by his $3.25 million salary in 2005, for a net hit of $5.08 million.  As a result, the Eagles could easily manage the consequences, since they had as of March 29 more than $8.5 million in cap room for 2005.   

Sure, a lot of thing have to fall into place for Owens to end up in a new town with a new team.  Heck, we haven't even considered the question of whether Owens would approve of the whole thing.

We have a feeling, however, that if the new team in that new town is willing to give T.O. a truck load of new money, he won't have a problem with it.

NO MAJOR PEE-PEE CASUALTIES AT COMBINE

The 32 NFL franchises finally have received letters from the league office regarding the players who gave dirty pee samples at the Scouting Combine, and we're told that no one of consequence was on the list.

Only a few guys, we hear, were identified, with perhaps only one or two players who would be selected on day two of the draft (i.e., in rounds four through seven). 

The substance for which the players tested positive was marijuana.

This news confirms conclusively that someone had manufactured those rumors from a couple of weeks ago that West Virginia defensive back Adam "Pac-Man" Jones had produced a positive sample at the Combine.  The fact that anyone would concoct such a rumor makes no sense, since in the end the proof is in the pee -- and if a test is positive, the teams find out about it directly from the league.

Two years ago, reports that Michigan State receiver Charles Rogers generated a positive test via a dilute sample had no effect on his draft status.  He was the second overall selection behind Bengals quarterback Carson Palmer.

Unfortunately for the Lions, however, urinalysis is unable to reveal whether a guy has brittle collar bones.

NINERS WOULDN'T TAKE ROLLE AT NO. 1

At some point in the past week, a report that the 49ers will entertain Cal quarterback Aaron Rodgers, Utah quarterback Alex Smith, Michigan receiver Braylon Edwards, and Miami cornerback Antrell Rolle merged with Jay Glazer's report that the Niners plan to commence contract negotiations with Rodgers, Smith, and Edwards, and somehow created the false impression that Rolle is one of the four guys whom the Niners might select with the first overall pick.

Clifton Brown of The New York Times, for example, includes Rolle within the quartet of potential No. 1 picks in a Sunday article regarding the team's options.

However, the truth is that the Niners are looking at Rolle as an option only if they trade out of the No. 1 spot.  The first overall spot is far too high for any defensive back -- especially in a year when there's still a question as to whether the Rolle is even the top corner available.  The Miami product has been lagging behind West Virginia's Pac-Man Jones.  Although the gap has narrowed between them, Rolle hardly is in position to climb all the way to the top of the board.    

SUNDAY ONE-LINERS

Steelers RB Jerome Bettis' decision to participate in involuntary voluntary workouts is not a conclusive statement that the future Hall of Famer will play in 2005.

The Redskins' pre-draft visits are focused on receiver (Mike Williams, Mark Clayton, Troy Williamson) and defensive back (Pac-Man Jones, Antrell Rolle, Carlos Rogers).

Packers C Mike Flanagan will be ready for the team's upcoming minicamp, six months after surgery to repair a patella tendon.

Former Miami S Arturo Freeman visited the Packers on Friday.

Lions defensive coordinator Dick Jauron, who was the head coach in Chicago when WR David Terrell was a first-round draft pick, thinks the Pats will be happy with the guy who simply didn't work out for the Bears.

As Rams DE Leonard Little speaks out on his 2004 DUI arrest and the 1998 drunk-driving incident that killed a 47-year-old wife and mother, he almost comes off as a human being.  Almost.

CB Aeneas Williams, 37, is still on the free-agent market, and he's reportedly unsure whether he wants to continue playing.

Former Chiefs P Jerrel Wilson (one of those names we remember from the days of buying packs of Topps football cards with tooth-shattering bubble gum) has died at the age of 63; he kicked for K.C. from 1963 to 1977.

Former Cowboys and Cardinals RB Emmitt Smith plans to pursue a broadcasting career (if he'd retired a year ago, he could have played an Oompa Loompa in the Willie Wonka remake).

CB Mike McKenzie is the only Saints player not attending the team's involuntary voluntary workouts.

The Saints are interested in former Falcons LB Chris Draft.

POSTED 9:10 a.m. EDT; UPDATED 11:04 a.m. EDT, April 9, 2005

LIONS LYIN' ABOUT INTEREST IN SMITH

It appears that the Detroit Lions have been speaking with forked tongue regarding their interest (or lack thereof) in Utah quarterback Alex Smith.

Earlier in the week, The Salt Lake Tribune reported that Smith would be visiting the Motor City on Friday, April 8.

But the Lions, who have Joey Harrington and Jeff Garcia on the roster at the quarterback position, scrambled to clarify the situation.  They weren't, they claimed, meeting with Alex Smith the quarterback from Utah, but with Alex Smith the tight end from Stanford.

But now, multiple news outlets in Detroit are reporting that the media was snookered by the Lions, and that it was Alex Smith the quarterback who showed up on Friday for a meeting with the team.  The Lions, after initially attempting to deny reports that Smith the quarterback had indeed visited, 'fess up on Friday.

So why are the Lions lyin'?  

On one level, the report gives credence to the notion that the team is thinking about dumping quarterback Joey Harrington.  So if word gets out pre-draft that Detroit wants a rookie quarterback who can be mentored by veteran Jeff Garcia, the Lions risk getting leap-frogged in later rounds for other quarterbacks in whom they might be interested.

On another level, the Lions could be contemplating a move up in the draft in order to snag Smith.  Though we don't think they'll try to move into the top five prior to the commencement of the draft, our guess is that they are exploring possibilities for a trade if Smith slips past the first five picks.

The Titans, for example, might be happy to slide back to ten and get an extra pick or two if receiver Mike Williams (whom we hear they covet) is gone when they select at No. 6.

And such a move would be necessary, since the Cardinals most likely would pounce on Smith if he's available at No. 8. 

Regardless of whether the Lions are able to snare Smith or another quarterback in the draft, Harrington might want to think about his next destination, since it's looking like those rumors from earlier in the offseason that the team plans to release him might be on the mark.

JONES GOING IN THE TOP 25?

In response to our story from Friday that the Bears plan to take Arkansas freakazoid Matt Jones with the 39th overall pick in the draft -- and our belief that he won't be there at the time -- a well-connected industry source tells us that, in his view, Jones likely will go in the 20-to-25 range of round one.

We've projected Jones going to the Eagles at 31.  "Too many people have gushed about him to me for him to last that long," said the source.

"He might be a risky pick, but his upside is a lot higher than almost anyone in this draft," the source added. 

In our view, if the buzz continues to grow regarding Jones, and if the Vikings don't grab a receiver at No. 7, they might take a chance on Jones at No. 18 -- since Jones could give them their best shot at making the locals forget all about a guy named Randy Moss.

BEARS WANT BENSON IN ROUND ONE?

We're hearing that the Chicago Bears have decided to take Texas running back Cedric Benson in the first round of the April 23 draft.

And because Benson's workout resulted in some lukewarm reviews, it's possible that the Bears will be able to slide back a couple of spots to get him.

Currently, the Bears are at No. 4.  The Titans, we've heard, want to get their mitts on Mike Williams.  Since they are at No. 6, they'd likely have to jump over the Bucs, who sit at No. 5, to ensure that Williams will be available.

Of course, if the Bears move behind the Bucs, they'll be taking a chance that the Bucs will take Benson, especially with Williams gone.  So, in the end, the Bears might be wise to flirt with both the Bucs and Titans, and in the end strike a deal with Tampa.

And what of the fact that the Bears are heading to Alabama for a private workout with Cadillac Williams?  It's a smokescreen, in our view, especially since the story hyping the team's interest in Cadillac appears in The Chicago Sun-Times, which coincidentally buys ad space on the team's official web site.

The Bears also are, in our view, pulling a reverse smokescreen with Williams.  They haven't met with him privately, and apparently don't plan to do so.  The move likely is intended to dupe the Bucs and/or the Titans into concluding that Williams really is the guy whom the Bears covet.   

MITCHELL TALKING HIS WAY OUT OF PHILLY

Though the irreparable damage likely was done in the days leading up to the Super Bowl, Eagles receiver Freddie Mitchell isn't leaving anything to chance in his desire to get out of Philly.

Entering the final year of his rookie deal with a manageable cap number, it's possible that the Eagles will be willing to overlook Mitchell's "look at me" tendencies that riled up the Pats.  So, in order to get out of Philly, Mitchell likely realizes he needs to do a little more.

In an interview with The Philadelphia Inquirer, Mitchell let it flow on a variety of topics, and none of his comments will resonate favorably with the organization.

The primary target appeared to be quarterback Donovan McNabb.  "You need that rapport," Mitchell said.  "And it just wasn't there.

"You have to have certain relationships with certain people to succeed," he said.  "Me and Don need that relationship, but I don't feel like it's there.  I can't throw myself the ball.  There were times I got more tired doing jumping jacks on the field than actually playing in the game itself."

And when discussing his relationship with McNabb, Mitchell inevitably recalled the biggest connection that the two of them ever made, in the 2003 divisional playoffs against the Packers, with the game on the line.

"The argument would be Don doesn't have confidence in me.  The [expletive] had confidence in me on fourth and 26 to get his ass out of a jam.  I can name all my catches on third downs.  No matter how much confidence he says he didn't have in me, when it came to those situations, the ball was coming my way."

Beyond McNabb, Mitchell took shots at the entire team for not backing him up after he called out Pats safety Rodney Harrison before the biggest game of their lives.

"Maybe in another program," Mitchell said, "I would have had players say, 'Fred's right.'  'I'm going at them.'  'I back him up 100 percent, because I'm on the battlefield with him.'  But I didn't have that.  The program they have here and the kind of people they recruit with the Eagles are laid back. . . .  I sensed people were scared of the Patriots.  And me?  I fear no team.  I fear nobody.  I'll catch balls over the middle."

Iin the event that dissing McNabb and his teammates wasn't enough to ensure that Mitchell will be cut loose, he also added his two cents on the current hot topic in Philly -- receiver Terrell Owens' desire for a new contract, and the team's unwillingness to give it to him.

"He's worth $25 million up front," Mitchell said.  "He should renegotiate.  I hope he gets his due.  I wouldn't say he's underpaid, because if you sign a contract, you signed a contract. Whatever T.O. does, it's great for him.  He's worth all of $25 million up front."

So it looks like it's just a matter of time before Mitchell gets his wish.  Of course, we're not sure whether anyone else will want him, but the fact that he was a first round pick in 2001 automatically qualifies him for consideration by the Redskins, Bucs, and Broncos (whose recent addition of Courtney Brown, Gerard Warren, and Ron Dayne has qualified them for membership in the "Turd Collectors" club).

Mitchell arguably is as big of a bust as Brown or Warren or Dayne or any other failed first-round pick of the past decade.  He never developed into a consistent contributor, and he's now far more trouble than he's worth.

Ironically, if Mitchell had fulfilled his potential, the team never would have needed to acquire Owens.  

And that $25 million that Mitchell thinks Owens should get might have ended up in Mitchell's pockets.

SATURDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

Titans QB Steve McNair had a Rocky II moment with his six-year-old son recently, who told McNair to "play!" (ding!) . .. 
"play!" (ding! . . . and then Mickey says, "What are we waiting' for?).

To enable himself to continue playing football on a year-to-year basis, surgeons put a piece of McNair's hip into a hole in his sternum that never closed when he was a child; McNair also might wear a protective vest that, when he tried it on felt like a "big armor suit." 

RB Jerome Bettis also is coming back for a another season with the Steelers.

The NFL has sent to Congress paperwork regarding its steroid testing policy and program.

The Steelers have re-signed TE Matt Cushing and WR Lee Mays.

USC DT Manuel Wright might apply for the NFL's supplemental draft

The Packers are in the process of setting up a visit with Michigan CB Marlin Jackson.

Vikings director of pro scouting Paul Wiggin, 70, wants to return after his contract expires on June 1.

The Redskins have visited with West Virginia CB Adam "Pac-Man" Jones and will next entertain Miami CB Antrell Rolle; the 'Skins also have hosted Oklahoma WR Mark Clayton.

The Pats have reached a two-year deal with LB Monty Beisel.

LB Jamie Sharper visited the Seahawks on Friday; he also has met with the Bengals.

The Chiefs have signed OT Thomas Barnett to a two-year contract.

DE Kyle Vanden Bosch visited the Titans on Friday.

There's very, very preliminary talk of a new stadium in downtown Buffalo for the Bills.

The Vikings are lining up their pre-draft visits.

The Browns opted not to announce the acquisition of Vikings S Brian Russell until the time expired on Minny's ability to match the offer sheet that Russell signed last week.

The Nicktator is significantly restricting access to Miami's preseason workouts.

POSTED 7:27 a.m. EDT, April 8, 2005

BEARS JONESING FOR MATT

If Arkansas receiver/tight end/H-back/physical freak Matt Jones isn't taken in any of the first 38 picks in the draft, word out of Chicago is that the Bears will take him with the 39th overall selection.

The Bears believe that Jones will still be available when they exercise the seventh overall pick in round two, and the organization (we hear) has fallen in love with the 78-inch former quarterback who ran a 4.39 at the Combine.  

But we think Jones will be long gone by then.

In our newest version of the mock draft, we've got Jones going to the Eagles at No. 31.  Our guess is that, even though we don't think Reid has gotten the whole hurry-up offense thing figured out, we think that he'll quickly be able to come up with a way to take full advantage of Jones' unique abilities -- and Jones could be the last piece necessary to enable the Philly offense to become as good as its defense.

HOUSTON HOUSE CLEANING COMING?

As reluctant as we are to post this rumor, since Texans G.M. Charley Casserly is one of the rare league insiders who ever went "on the record" with us, there are some rumblings around the league that Casserly and Houston coach Dom Capers could be facing problems with owner Bob McNair if the team doesn't show more improvement in 2005.

And by "problems," we mean "poop-canning."

Though rumors of this nature usually are tied to whether the team makes the playoffs, we're not hearing that the postseason is a prerequisite to continued employment.  But given that the team had seven wins and nine losses in 2004, any improvement necessarily will put the team in playoff contention.

If the rumor is true, it's not really surprising.  The five-year plan in the NFL has gone the way of the straight-on kicker.  Parity and the salary cap have caused owners to become more impatient than ever, and with McNair's $800 million investment team entering its fourth season, it makes sense to think he's becoming a little antsy about seeing some results.

Though we typically keep our positive (but not our negative) feelings about teams and players under wraps, we hope that the Texans turn it around enough to keep Casserly and Capers in town.  They've done well in a very tough AFC field, and they don't seem to be far away from making it into the playoffs.  

Hell, in the NFC, they'd already be one of the top three teams.

RON MEXICO WILL FIGHT HERPES SUIT

Falcons quarterback Mike Vick a/k/a Ron Mexico issued through his lawyers a statement on Thursday regarding the civil suit claiming that he gave a former girlfriend herpes.

"With respect to the lawsuit recently filed against him, Michael Vick wants all his fans, teammates and coaches to know that he intends to defend himself in the legal process but will not let this matter distract him from his primary goal of bringing a championship to the fans of Atlanta," said Lawrence Woodward, Vick's Virginia Beach-based attorney.

It's basically a non-statement, in our view.  No one ever admits to any wrongdoing, especially when the allegations are fresh.  Even if the allegations against Mr. Mexico are 100 percent true, the statement from his lawyer is standard stuff, and it says nothing one way or the other about the merits of the claim.

Vick's initial response to the complaint is due in court on May 6, and we likewise expect that that document will contain precious few details, either.

SABAN SAYS THERE'S NO PEPPERS 

Dolphins coach Nick Saban is doing everything he can to defuse any expectations that he'll parlay the second overall pick in his first NFL draft into a perennial Pro Bowler.

Asked at a Thursday press conference to explain how important it is to "capitalize" on having the No. 2 pick, Saban said:

“What’s capitalize?  We can only take the best player that's available. . . .  How sure-fire you think it is?  You know who's out there.  You pick 'em.  You knew who was out there last year.  Who was out there the year before?  Is there a Julius Peppers out there?  You see one?  I mean, I gotta talk about that?  You know that.  Why you askin' me?  Just because you have the second pick in the draft doesn’t mean it’s sure-fire. . . . Everything's time and circumstance, you know?  Dan Marino got drafted at what?  20?  22?  27?  Didn’t need a top ten pick that year.  But there were five other quarterbacks who turned out to be pretty good in that draft . . . .  These hypothetical situations that you try to put me in, really is not good for anybody, really.”

(Editor's note:  The quotes set forth above come not from the written transcript provided by the team, but from our own review of the audio of the conference, so there are some minor differences between our text and the transcript.)

Saban's comments do little to defuse rumors that the team would like to trade out of the No. 2 spot, which they won't be able to do absent a willing trade partner.

Likewise, we think that Saban's statements also could make it a little awkward for the guy whose name gets called out by the Commish, if the team keeps the pick.  Because even if Saban doesn't think there's another Julius Peppers on the draft board, our guess is that the kids who'll be coming off of it in the first few picks feel differently, even though we think Saban's assessment is pretty much on the money.

Where we'll depart with Saban, however, is on the subject of his overall approach.  He might not like the media, but where Bill Parcells can express his derision with humor, Saban comes off as arrogant and/or condescending when addressing topics such as the status of cornerback Patrick Surtain, or when sharing an anecdote regarding his dinner with Oklahoma safety Brodney Pool, a one-time LSU recruit with whom Saban verbally sparred regarding whether it was fair for the Tigers to play the Sooners for the national title in Louisiana..

With all that said, Saban cracked a pretty funny line when asked whether he'll be more inclined select players from LSU:  

"There's no brother-in-laws in this draft to me."

FRIDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

The Minnesota Legislature might end up slapping a tax on the gross windfall realized by owner Red McCombs in selling the Vikings.

Bengals QB Carson Palmer hopes to be more elusive, given that he's 20 pounds lighter now than he was at the end of the season (hey, Carson, maybe you should talk to Brett Favre about how he got his skinny ass pounded to a pulp when he tried the same thing a few years back).

The 49ers have signed Ravens DE Marques Douglas, who played for San Fran coach Mike Nolan in Baltimore (too bad Nolan couldn't carry a few more of the Ravens defenders).

The Vikings won't match the offer sheet signed by S Brian Russell with the Browns.

Giants QB Eli Manning wants TE Jeremy Shockey to get his rear end to New York for the team's involuntary voluntary workouts.

POSTED 6:30 a.m. EDT, April 7, 2005

FINS DENY BUG SWEEP RUMORS

There's a rumor making the rounds that the rampant paranoia of new Dolphins coach Nick Saban recently resulted in a request that the FBI conduct a sweep of the team's Davie, Florida facility for bugs.

Neil Guilkis, the Dolphins' director of media relations, told us on Wednesday, "There is absolutely no truth to the rumors whatsoever."

We accept the denial, but we can't help but wonder whether this is the kind of thing anyone would admit to.  Even if no bugs were found, the fact that a sweep was even conducted (if one indeed were conducted) suggests that perhaps the team believes that there is or may be some type of vulnerability in the building.  So it would make sense to deny, deny, deny.

Or, as mentioned above, the whole thing simply might be a byproduct of the Nicktator's paranoia -- and the same paranoia that would have prompted him to request a bug sweep is the same paranoia that would prompt him to order the staff to issue a strong denial of that such paranoia-induced behavior occurred.

ATLANTA PAPER RUNS VICK STORY

After a multitude of radio shows and Jim Rome's ESPN program broached the subject of the life and times of Ron Mexico, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution is the first major print media outlet to acknowledge the lawsuit filed against the hometown quarterback for allegedly infecting a female acquaintance with a virus for which there is no cure.

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports on the lawsuit in its Thursday edition, without of course acknowledging the fact that the existence of the claim was first disclosed on Tuesday by TheSmokingGun.com -- and without mentioning that many already knew about the action via the Internet, talk radio, and Rome's ESPN show.

And we have a newfound respect for Rome for being willing to talk openly about the matter, even as other "real" journalists might have feared potential repercussions for calling out the guy whom many expect to be the NFL's version of Michael Jordan over the next decade.

Our guess is that, with the story now officially in print, The Associated Press will pick it up -- and it will show up on all of the major sports web sites.

THURSDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

Redskins coach Joe Gibbs expressed frustration on Wednesday over the fact that S Sean Taylor and WR Santana Moss have been absent from involuntary voluntary workouts; some teammates privately expressed concern that Gibbs ain't "Got Moss."

It's official -- Eagles WR Terell Owens wants a new contract only a year after signing a long-term deal; Owens has been absent from the team's involuntary voluntary workouts.

From the Eagles' perspective, president Joe Banner officially has been tight-lipped, but The Philadelphia Daily News reports that the team has no plans to rework T.O.'s deal. 

CB Samari Rolle received 11 months and 29 days of probation for one night of bad behavior last year.

Rehabilitation of a 2004 triceps injury has keep Bucs DT Booger McFarland on the sidelines during the team's involuntary voluntary workouts.

Jags DT Marcus Stroud, possibly miffed about the lack of a long-term deal, has not participated in the team's involuntary voluntary workouts.

It turns out that the "Alex Smith" who'll be visiting the Lions isn't the quarterback from Utah, but the tight end from Stanford.

The Rams have signed former Packers CB Michael Hawthorne.

Utah QB Alex Smith will meet with the Fins for two days next week.

The Titans are considering a contract proposal from Gary Wichard, who represents free-agent CB Andre Dyson.

The Titans have been hosting a slew of draft picks.

Pats WR David Terrell will be paid $700,000 in salary, a $200,000 bonus, and performance incentives as part of his one-year deal.

The Colts have re-signed QB Travis Brown and LB Nick Rogers.

The new contract signed by DE Trevor Pryce has freed up $2.2 million in cap room for the Broncos.

There's a chance that one of Reggie Fowler's partners could step up and become the general partner in the ongoing effort to buy the Vikings, which would nudge Fowler into the background.

LB Tedy Bruschi is one of a dozen players who'll skip next week's trip to the White House.

The Seahawks are hosting Memphis FB Robert Douglas.

POSTED 8:05 p.m. EDT, April 6, 2005

TICE TO GET SLAP ON THE MEAT HEAD

NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue acknowledged on Wednesday that an investigation revealed that Vikings coach Mike Tice scalped Super Bowl tickets, but that Tice's penalty likely will consist only of "a fine or multiple fines."

Moreover, the league's investigation concluded, per the Commish, that "no other teams were found in violation" of the league's policy against the re-selling of tickets at a profit.

The investigation also found that the sun actually doesn't rise in the East, that the moon actually is made of well-aged green cheese, that a fat guy in a red suit actually can haul his big ass around the world in one night, that Peyton Manning actually doesn't look like Herman Munster, and that the Tampa Bay Bucs actually have a chance to make it to the playoffs this year.

So the league did exactly what we thought it would -- Tice gets a ceremonial slap on the wrist for conduct that ordinarily would have warranted termination, but for the fact that . . . everybody does it.

The scalping of tickets today is no less prevalent than the taking of steroid was in the early 1980s.  Sure, guys will be more careful moving forward, but plenty of them are loosening their sphincters right about now.

So is Tice's penalty unfair?  On the surface, it isn't.  At a deeper level, however, Meathead's biggest offense was being sufficiently stoopid to get caught.

The open question in all this remains to be whether and to what extent the IRS gets involved.  And our guess is that the NFL didn't bother to coerce confessions out of other surely guilty parties in part because the league doesn't want to make it any easier for the feds to show that guys got extra cash, and didn't pay taxes on the income.   

POSTED 7:41 p.m. EDT, April 6, 2005

WEDNESDAY EVENING ONE-LINERS

From the "Maybe This Whole Mike Vick Thing Made Him Change His Mind" file, a headline on ESPN.com reads that 49ers coach Mike "Nolan Won't Blow 49ers No. 1 Pick." 

FB Jon Ritchie has re-signed with the Eagles, for a one-year deal; he missed most of 2004 with a torn knee ligament.

The Redskins have signed Panthers LB Brian Allen.

The Nicktator will address the masses at 4:30 p.m. EDT on Thursday.

From the "This League Is Making Way Too Much Money" file, 15 team mascots got together in Phoenix this past week to compare notes on special techniques for waving their arms and patting little kids on their heads.

The Ravens have re-signed WR Patrick Johnson.

LB Jamie Sharper will visit the Bengals on Thursday.

The Jags have signed DT Tony Williams; Williams previously wasn't interested because he was told he wouldn't be a starter.

The Titans got a fifth-round draft pick from the Chiefs for DE Carlos Hall.

Saints.com has this bizarre quote regarding the ongoing efforts to resolve the stadium mess:  "Based on the recent press statements from the governor's office in the last two days, we are confused by the conflicting information that has appeared in the newspapers in New Orleans and Baton Rouge.  Mr. Benson is out of town and we will have no comment until he returns."  (Apparently, Mr. Benson's skin-flintedness extends to luxuries such as phones.)

POSTED 2:37 p.m. EDT, April 6, 2005

STILL NO MENTION OF "MEXICO"

As of this posting, the "real" media continues to turn a blind eye to the lawsuit filed by a Georgia woman -- and revealed on Tuesday via TheSmokingGun.com -- against Falcons quarterback Michael Vick for giving her, well, a gift that keeps on giving.

To add a slight twist to one of Vince Lombardi's all-time great quotes:  What the f--k is going on here?

The reason can't be that the "real" media doesn't report on mere allegations contained in a civil lawsuit on the basis that pretty much anyone can find a lawyer, pay the filing fee, and throw the poopie.  After all, it wasn't all that long ago that the "real" media made a big splash with the story that Colts receiver Marvin Harrison and two of his friends were sued for allegedly attacking three boys with an assault that included "a potentially deadly choke hold" (we prefer the figure-four leg-lock, but that's an entirely different issue).

So why?  Why?  Why is the rest of the free world ignoring this one?

Is it because Vick is regarded as the future of the NFL? A poster boy for some of the very corporations that buy lots of advertising via the "real" media?

Or is it because the topic is unsavory?  As we explained in an earlier post, there's a lot of stomach-churning stuff to which we're all exposed in the media, and we don't think that a story about a high-profile athlete giving a woman Herpes Simplex 7 (we know that the right number is "2," but "7" seems more appropriate at this point) is beyond the boundaries that already have been established over the past quarter-century.

The silence, frankly, is becoming shameful, and we wonder who'll be the first "real" journalist with sufficient sack to acknowledge the 700-pound lesion-infested elephant sitting in the middle of the living room.

For now, though, there's only two places where you'll find any print reference to this story -- here and at TheSmokingGun.com.

We've checked elsewhere, and we'll keep checking.  And we'll keep aksing the questions that need to be aksed until someone convinces us that the NFL and the media hasn't erected (pun intended) a different set of rules for Ron Mexico.

On a somewhat lighter note, we discovered while searching for web pages containing "Vick" and "herpes" (a typo when entering those terms can unlock an entirely different universe of sites) an eerily prescient quote in a sports blog that's known as "TheMightyMJD.com."  In its 2004 Week Six "Sunday Afternoon Smorgasbord," the author laments the Chargers' loss to the Falcons as follows:

"I can admit that Michael Vick was pretty brilliant down the stretch.  Don't get me wrong, I don't feel like the best team won that game, but . . .  Vick was the man.  May he get genital herpes."

Hey MightyMJD dude -- remind us never to piss you off.

POSTED 6:43 a.m. EDT, April 6, 2005

VICK STORY GETS NO PLAY

Amazingly, the fact that Falcons quarterback Michael Vick a/k/a Ron Mexico a/k/a Ron Herpico has been sued for giving a Georgia woman a version of "The Michael Vick Experience" that left her with Herpes Simplex 2 has gotten zero play in the print and/or Internet media.

ESPN.com?  Silent.

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution?  Nothing.

The New York Times?  Zip.

The Washington Post?  Nada.

USA Today?  Bubkis.

FOXSports.com?  Nope.

SI.com?  Huh-uh.

CBSSportsline.com?  Air.

So what the hell gives?  Has the NFL twisted some arms to keep the image of the future of the league from taking a hit?

Or is the subject matter simply not palatable to the powers-that-be at the various media outlets?

It's hard to imagine a report on a lawsuit involving Vick's di . . . di . . . dilemma being beyond the bounds of propriety, given that we've been bombarded over the past few months about Jacko's allegedly wacko-ing.  And then there was the whole Lewinsky thing from seven years ago, which at times made The Podunk News read like The Penthouse Forum.

The Vick story clearly is newsworthy, especially in an era where some NFL players are spending almost as much time in the court room as in the weight room.  The notion that Vick allegedly knew he had an incurable STD that apparently can create serious conception and child birth problems for women, but nevertheless had unprotected contact with a female acquaintance is shocking to us.  

It's no different, in our opinion, than a guy driving drunk or roughing up his wife.  In any case, it's selfish, reckless behavior, in which guys who get paid to run, throw, catch, and/or hit for a living typically seem to be inclined to engage.

So we hope that this one doesn't get swept under the rug.  If nothing else, shining a light on the Vick lawsuit might persuade other pro athletes who have similar conditions to ignore their short-term desires -- and to respect the long-term interests of their partners.     

FOWLER'S BID FAILING?

Red McCombs might be stuck paying the bulk of those free-agent signing bonuses, after all.

According to The Minneapolis Star Tribune, prospective owner Reggie Fowler's effort to buy the team hinges on his ability to sell one of his companies, a flight training and simulator firm known as "SATCO."  NFL V.P. of media relations Greg Aiello told the Star Trib that the league has requested "full documentation on these matters, and some of that information has yet to be furnished."

That's corporate speak for "we're getting dissed."

There also are questions about the Georgia-based company named UGB, which apparently will be buying SATCO for $300 million or so.

And the Star Trib sets forth all sorts of details, and raises all sorts of questions, about whether UGB is legit and about whether SATCO is even worth $300 million.

In our view, frankly, it looks like Fowler should prepare himself for the seemingly inevitable outcome of his effort to reel in the Vikings by hopping into one of SATCO's flight simulators and turning the dial to "crash and burn."

POSTED 7:04 p.m. EDT; UPDATED 9:06 p.m. EDT, April 5, 2005

"V" IS FOR "VALTREX"?

A Georgia woman has sued Falcons quarterback Mike Vick for allegedly giving her, in an April 2003 ron-days-voose, herpes.

Herpes.

Herpes Simplex 2, to be precise.

TheSmokingGun.com has a copy of the complaint, filed on March 14, 2005 in Gwinnett County, Georgia.

Vick is sued both in his given name and as his supposed alias, Ron Mexico.  The action alleges that Vick uses the "Ron Mexico" moniker "for the purpose of herpes testing and/or treatment."

NINERS BLOWING SMOKE ON SMITH?

San Fran coach Mike Nolan and a team of coaches, staff, and receivers Arnaz Battle and Brandon Lloyd were in Utah on Tuesday for another workout of quarterback Alex Smith.  And there are real questions in some league circles as to whether the Niners' fixation on Smith is intended to coax another team (specifically, the Browns) into a flip-flop of the No. 1 and No. 3 overall picks -- with some extra consideration flowing from Cleveland to San Francisco.

Possibly in an effort to bolster the appearance that the Niners want Smith, 49ers.com has some home-cooked Q&A of coach Nolan, in which he 'splains his reasons for the follow-up visit with Smith:

Nolan said that he wanted to see Smith in more of a "pro-style" workout, like the workout conducted by Cal's Aaron Rodgers last month.  For example, Nolan wanted to see Smith throw outside and while operating under center.

Although Nolan initially that Battle and Lloyd attended the workout because the Niners couldn't get any of Smith's former senior teammates to run patterns, Nolan later suggested that part of the plan was to "create[] a lot of adversity" for Smith.

We've previously reported that there were concerns by some observers that the former Utah receivers to whom Smith threw at the last go-'round were running at less-than-full-speed, making it easier for Smith to hit his targets.

Anyway, there's a strong feeling around the league that the Niners' seeming obsession with Smith is phony, and that they'd prefer to slide back to No. 3 and select the guy whom, if push comes to shove, they might take at No. 1 anyway -- receiver Braylon Edwards.

Meanwhile, Nolan confirmed that there will be negotiations with Smith, Rodgers, and Edwards, but the coach indicated that any talks will come closer to the April 24 draft.

TUESDAY NIGHT ONE-LINERS

The Chiefs have sent an undisclosed draft choice to the Titans for DE Carlos Hall.

The Jets have signed a slew of players, including DT Josh "Smokey, Smokey" Evans and TE Chris Baker.

The Bengals have re-signed DL Carl Powell.

The Dolphins have waived FB James Lynch (he apparently prefers "Star Crunches" to "Fudge Rounds").

The Steelers have re-signed S Tyrone Carter to a two-year deal.

The Cowboys have signed WR Ahmad Merritt.

The Giants have filed some sort of lawsuit involving their stadium, but our ADD prevents us from comprehending precisely what the hell it's all about.

The Bucs have added a couple of John Does for their OTAs.

POSTED 8:30 a.m. EDT; UPDATED 9:54 a.m. EDT, April 5, 2005

PRYCE IS RIGHT IN DENVER

As we recently reported, it looks like the possibility of an AFC West rival pouncing on defensive end Trevor Pryce has prompted the Broncos to keep the former Pro Bowler in the fold.

"I think they changed their tune a little bit because there was some talk about me landing in Kansas City and some other places that they wouldn't want me to land at," Pryce said Monday, according to The Rocky Mountain News.

Last week, there was talk that the Broncos, who have been trying to trade Pryce, might release him.  But then we heard that the team won't pull the trigger, given the chances of Pryce signing with the Raiders, Chiefs, or Chargers.

So now Pryce is working out with the team, and he pegs his chances of returning as 50 percent at "the very least."

But there's still that issue about the $9.167 million cap number for 2005, which surely needs to be reduced.

Or maybe it doesn't.  Maybe Pryce has more leverage than he ever realized, given the Broncos' fear that he'll fall to a team they place twice a year.

Still, it sure sounds like Pryce wants to stay put.  "I don't want to be one of those guys that bounces around," he said.  "I don't want to be Eddie Kennison, with every team he's played for tattooed on his arm.  That is so disgusting.  You've been passed around like trash."

HAS VERMEIL LOST HIS JUICE?

With G.M. Carl Peterson signing a long-term extension, there's a strong feeling around the league that lame-duck, final-year, short-time head coach Dick Vermeil has little or no influence regarding the manner in which the roster will be shaped for 2005.

On one hand, it makes sense for Peterson to put Vermeil's wishes in their proper context, since the head coach surely has a greater desire to load up the cannon for the coming run, and less of an incentive to build the team for the future.  

But Vermeil should at least have, in our view, a voice in efforts to put the team in position to be successful in his final season.  He came to Peterson's aid at a time when King Carl needed a high-profile field general, and Peterson has rewarded Vermeil's loyalty by doing hardly anything a year ago to improve the Chiefs' horrendous defense.

This time around, Peterson has done more (of course, doing anything is doing more) to capitalize some of the X's.  But we're hearing that Vermeil is basically a bystander in the process as Peterson prepares the team for Vermeil's last run. 

And, frankly, the fact that Vermeil has only one more year left might be why the Dolphins are standing firm in their demands for a second-round draft pick for cornerback Patrick Surtain.  From Vermeil's perspective, Surtain will contribute a helluvalot more than the second-rounder ever could, since Dick will be done before that second-rounder would become a contributor.  

So maybe it's a good thing that Peterson isn't yielding to Vermeil's obvious desire to put the best team possible on the field in 2005, even if it means compromising the franchise's ability to do so in 2006 and beyond.  Long after Vermeil is gone, Peterson will be the one who's on the hook to keep the team competitive, and there's no reason to mortgage the future just because the head coach doesn't plan to be a part of it.

DOOKIE'S DEAL SUGGESTS THAT HE'S BROKE

When word (or is it wind?) broke that the Packers re-signed running back Najeh "Dookie" Davenport, but no terms were disclosed, we assumed that eventually there would be a report that Dookie scored a multi-year deal with a handsome signing bonus that would keep Davenport in Green Bay for the foreseeable future.

As it turns out, however, Dookie signed only a one-year deal, worth $641,000.

A restricted free agent, Davenport previously had been tendered a single-season contract worth $656,000.

So why is the contract signed by Davenport lighter than the tender by roughly the same percentage of body mass that Dookie left in a dorm room hamper nearly three years ago?

Davenport, as it turns out, took $15,000 less in order to get a $100,000 advance, with the rest of the money being paid during the season.

So what the hell is this guy thinking?

Instead of giving up $15,000 later this year in order to get $100,000 now, why not get a loan from a bank, which surely could have been obtained at an annual interest rate of less than 15 percent?

That's what it works out to, folks.  Dookie essentially gave up 15 percent of that $100,000 in order to get it now.

As one league insider told us on Tuesday morning, the reality here probably is that Dookie is tapped out.  It's more likely not that he didn't think to get a loan, but that he can't get a loan.

And typically, the source explained, the player gives up some salary in exchange for an advance where the player has tried every other option to get cash first.

The root of the problem, the source believes, is that Davenport is a mid-round guy who has been "living like a first rounder."

So of all the money Davenport has made in three years in the NFL, the fact that we wants salary up front suggests that he's spent it everything he's already earned (and then some, perhaps).

"But," the source added, "he probably has nice rims." 

Frankly, we don't expect anything more than that out of a player who'd deem it prudent to lay cable in a room without a toilet (or a television), but it's a very common phenomenon, the source told us (not the pooping-in-a-closet thing, but the spend-all-the-money thing).  It happened not that long go with defensive end Joe Johnson, who got some money up front from the Packers and took a big cut on the back end due to his deep debts.

And even though Davenport has cash on hand now, the money most likely is subject to surrender if Davenport is cut.  Of course, the chances of the Packers ever seeing that money again would be slim, unless Davenport signs elsewhere.

From Davenport's perspective, our guess is that he's merely trying to hold his finances together until he becomes an unrestricted free agent in 2006, when he'll probably get a big fat signing bonus.

And spend it all in a week.

NINERS TO START NEGOTIATING

Jay Glazer of FOXSports.com reports that the San Francisco 49ers soon will begin negotiations with the agents for Cal quarterback Aaron Rodgers, Utah quarterback Alex Smith, and Michigan receiver Braylon Edwards.

Because the Niners hold the first pick in the draft, the team is free to talk turkey with any/some/all of the eligible players, and we like the fact that Niners are using their leverage to try to get the best deal possible in exchange for making one of these guys the first overall pick in the draft.

Sure, to a certain extent the value of the contract that the No. 1 guy gets is set by the deals received by his predecessors.  But every guy who is the next No. 1 wants to blow out the curve even more, if for no reason other than that the agent knows it will help him in recruiting.  By making it an open question as to whether Rodgers, Smith, or Edwards will be the guy, the team could end up persuading one of them to take roughly the same deal paid out to the No. 1 pick a year ago.

We still think that the team's primary target at No. 1 is Edwards, primarily since the risks of taking a quarterback at that level are too high for a brand new power structure.  With the Niners hiring head coach Mike Nolan before hiring personnel director Scot McCloughan, this isn't (in our opinion) the traditional situation where only the coach will accountable for the team's performance in the first few years.

It's widely thought that, in organizations with a stand-alone General Manager, the G.M. has a different level of accountability than does the head coach.  In Buffalo, for example, owner Ralph Wilson hired Tom Donahoe in 2001 to be the team's G.M.  Donahoe hired Gregg Williams to be the team's head coach.

Three pathetic years later, Williams got the boot . . . and Donahoe got to hire another guy.

The better model, in our view, is for the coach and the chief personnel executive to be equally accountable, because it tends to ensure that they're on the same page (as they are in New England).  And this dynamic also makes us even more convinced that Nolan and McCloughan will, in the end, shy away from staking their careers in San Fran on one of two signal-callers who, as some believe, would be taken in the low first round in any other year.

FINS LOOKING TO TRADE DOWN

Armando Salguero of The Miami Herald reports that the Dolphins are willing to trade out of the No. 2 overall spot in the draft, assuming they can find a willing trade partner.

Salguero cites two unnamed NFC personnel directors, who say that the Fins have made it clear that they would welcome trade overtures.

Saban addressed the issue last week, reports Salguero.  ''There is a level of compensation that may make it more attractive not to pick there,'' Saban said.  "But we don't control that.  It's not like we can just dial it up and do what we want to do.  Somebody has got to want to do that as well.  So when you ask me what we're going to do, we're going to do what's best from a long-term value orientation for this organization.''

This meshes with our own report that Saban is blowing smoke when suggesting that the team might take a quarterback at No. 2.  If Saban stays put, he'll take a running back -- and in a year when there are three of them who could be taken in the top ten, the Fins would be stupid not to at least try to slide back and still fill their needs while at the same time snagging some extra picks and having to pay their first-rounder less money.

TUESDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

The Philadelphia Daily News reports that, by the time that reports broke of a possible Eagles-Ravens trade for franchised DT Corey Simon, the possible deal was dead

The Packers might be falling in love with Akron QB Charlie Frye.

S Donovin Darius and DT Marcus Stroud were no-shows for the opening of the Jaguars' offseason conditioning program.

S Arturo Freeman will visit the Packers later in the week.

The Vikings say that they'll use most of the seven days available to determine whether to match the two-year, $1.5 million offer sheet signed by S Brian Russell with the Browns.

The U.S. Supreme Court refused to consider the appeal of RB Maurice Clarett's failed 2004 lawsuit to get into the NFL draft.

The Vikings are no longer interested in acquiring Redskins WR Rod Gardner.

One of the teams that QB Alex Smith will visit is the Lions (we got your vote of confidence right here, Joey).

The agent for Vikings CB Brian Williams doesn't expect that Williams will be signed to an offer sheet, given that he's been tendered at first-round compensation.

The Vikings are bringing in RB Cadillac Williams for a visit.

Florida CB Reynaldo Hill, an unvitee to the Combine who reportedly ran a 4.3 on grass, will visit the Packers on Wednesday.

No visit has been scheduled yet for LB Jamie Sharper in Seattle.

The Jaguars are also considering LB Jamie Sharper, but no visit has been scheduled there, either.

Jaguars linebackers coach Brian VanGorder has "no idea" how reports linking him to the Marshall job originated.

The Jaguars have dumped DE Lionel Barnes, and re-signed KR/RB David Allen.

The Bucs have signed CB Rod Babers, formerly of the Lions.

Seahawks C Chris Gray is expected to sign a two-year, $1.785 million contract.

The Tennessean has a list of the team-by-team decision makers on draft day.

Ravens DE Marques Douglas will visit the 49ers this week.

POSTED 7:46 a.m. EDT, April 4, 2005

BRADY'S AGENT RENEGING ON DEAL?

As the long-rumored long-term deal between the Pats and quarterback Tom Brady continues to languish, we're hearing that Brady's agent, Don Yee, might have violated a "gentleman's agreement" with the team that Brady would accept a deferred signing bonus.

Then again, it's very likely that Yee initially agreed to the standard two-tiered signing bonus, which consists of a significant chunk in year one and an option payment in year two.  The Patriots reportedly want to chop Brady's bonus into four different payments, with the future installments not being guaranteed.

In the two-tiered approach, the option bonus often is not guaranteed, but as a practical matter it gets picked up due to the cap hit that would result from cutting the guy after year one.  In many situations, however, the contract contains guaranteed salaries in future years that equate to the amount of the option bonus, in the event the option bonus is not paid.

There's apparently an agreement that the amount of Brady's bonus will be $24 million, which hardly represents market value for the guy who has won three Super Bowls in four seasons.  Peyton Manning's contract contained a $34.5 million signing bonus, and Michael Vick will receive $37 million in guaranteed money over the first three years of his contract.  With Brady willing to take so much less than two guys who've never even been to a Super Bowl without a ticket, the Pats need to reduce the number of payments or guarantee all of them, in our opinion.

The alternative, of course, is for Brady to play out the final two years of his contract and hit the market in 2007, which will be an uncapped year.  Of course, the Pats will be able to slap the franchise tag on Brady at that time, significantly restricting his ability to leave New England.

Our guess is that Brady's deal eventually will get done.  He surely realizes, as we've explained before, that his success has been the direct result of the fact that other guys have not insisted on market value when the time came to get paid.  

Still, it's one thing for Brady to take significantly less money than Manning or Vick.  It's quite another for him to agree to a payment schedule that entails a greater possibility that he might not get all of the bonus money. 

CHIEFS, RAIDERS WOULD POUNCE ON PRYCE

In response to our Saturday story regarding the Broncos' unwillingness to put defensive end Trevor Pryce on the open market because another AFC West team might snatch him up, we've heard that two of Denver's rivals -- the Raiders and Chiefs -- would indeed pounce on Pryce if he were to be released.

The Raiders would need to move cornerback Charles Woodson, we're told, before Oakland could make a run at Pryce.  With less than $500,000 in cap room and more than $10 million tied up in Woodson's franchise tender, the Raiders' hands are tied, for now.

The Chiefs, we hear, are holding a spot for Pryce across from Jared Allen.  Plus, with eight picks on day two of the draft, we're told that the Chiefs could be hoping to work out a back-door deal, with another team initially acquiring Pryce and then shipping him to the Chiefs.

We've yet to research the specific rules in this regard, but we're not aware of any provision that would prevent the Broncos from placing a term in the initial trade that would require the team who acquires Pryce to pony up extra value if the team were then to ship Pryce to another team within a specific time period.  Trades often contain conditions that result in further compensation based on the player's performance; it seems, then, that a team like the Broncos could also insert a poison pill that would, as a practical matter, prevent a straw party from turning around and sending Pryce to the Chiefs, Raiders, or Chargers.

PATS TAKE A CHANCE ON TERRELL

A year ago, the New England Patriots took a chance on running back Corey Dillon, who on the surface didn't quite fit the team's profile of high-character players.

But some saw Dillon's track record of negativity as a byproduct of genuine competitive frustration during his years with the Bengals, a notoriously parsimonious organization that seems far more interested in making money for Mike Brown, than in making memories for the fan base.

And the Pats' gamble paid off, with Dillon becoming a model citizen and the team winning another Super Bowl.

This year, the Patriots are raising the stakes by signing former Chicago receiver David Terrell, a confirmed turd who never has lived up to his potential in four seasons with the Bears.

But with Terrell signing only a one-year deal, the team is taking a low-risk approach.  Though we don't know the details, our guess is that the contract is light on guarantees and heavy on incentives, enabling the team to cut him loose at the first sign of boorish behavior or bad driving.

The fact that Terrell was a teammate of Tom Brady's at Michigan surely helped the former first-rounder land in Foxboro, since the team surely wouldn't have taken a flier if Brady hadn't given him the thumb's up.

The real question, in our view, is whether coach Bill Belichick will end up giving Terrell a thumb's down in the short term.  To avoid it, Terrell will need to shut his mouth and perform to his potential.  Quickly.

MONDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

Paul Kuharsky of The Tennessean takes a look at the rising profile of former hoopsters in the NFL draft.

LB Jamie Sharper is expected to visit Seattle this week; the 'Hawks definitely have a need at the position, with Anthony Simmons and Orlando Huff no longer on the roster.

This quote demonstrates why the NFL might need to change its top-secret drug testing procedures:  "This system has no transparency," said Penn State professor Charles Yesalis, who according to The New York Post has studied steroids in sports for more than two decades.  "You can find out what's going on in communist China easier than what's going on in the NFL.  You don't know how many positive tests have been flushed."

The 49ers plan to take a closer look at QB Alex Smith, QB Aaron Rodgers, WR Braylon Edwards, and CB Antrell Rolle before the draft; their interest in Rolle might be a hint that they'd like to trade down, if they can find a trade partner/pigeon/sucker.

Florida CB Reynaldo Hill didn't get to go to Indy in February because he wasn't invited to the Scouting Combine; but he's now in town visiting the Colts, due to an impressive Pro Day workout that has put him on the draft day radar screen.

Chris Gray apparently is re-signing with the Seahawks after spurning a shot at a starting gig in San Fran.

New Niners coach is taking a page from Bill Parcells, withholding helmet logos until the players earn them in training camp (actually, given the way the team has played over the past few years, the ultimate reward should be that the players don't get their "SF" decals).

POSTED 8:22 p.m. EDT, April 3, 2005

SOUR GRAPES FROM ST. LOUIS PROSECUTOR

The guy who tried to make Rams defensive end Leonard Little the Prom Queen of Cell Block D is blaming the former Pro Bowler's (and admitted manslaughterer's) acquittal on a Missouri law that makes preliminary breath tests inadmissible at trial.

It's a common phenomenon, in yours truly's experience, when someone loses in a court of law.  There's always someone to blame other than the lawyer and/or the lawyer's witnesses for the fact that the case went to sh-t in a shrimp boat.

The preliminary test showed that Little's blood alcohol content was 0.13 percent, well in excess of the Mizzou max of 0.08.

"I can't help think that if the jury had all the information, that he was approaching twice the legal limit, there would have been a different outcome," said St. Louis County Prosecuting Attorney Robert McCulloch, according to The Associated Press.

McCulloch also suggested that Rams coach Mike Martz and G.M. Charley Armey attended the proceedings to influence the jury's decision.

Sorry, Bob, but based on the info we received from Howard Balzer, who attended much of the trial, sufficient reasonable doubt to acquit Little came from the fact that the arresting officer came off as the stereotypical "I do whatever the hell I want" donut-eater, who slanted the administration of the field sobriety tests (and his resulting testimony) toward a finding that Little was drunk.  (Scroll down for more.)

And, as Balzer told us, the numbers suggest that Officer Gregory Storck might have established a pattern of making unwarranted arrests.  Although there are 28 officers in the department, Storck is responsible for delivering 30 to 35 percent of the DUI arrests.

We don't fault McCulloch for trying to blame someone other than himself or Storck for the fact that the State got bikini waxed by Little's lawyer, Scott Rosenblum.  Don't get us wrong on this -- we believe in tough DUI laws, and we're not so sure that Little has learned his lesson.  We believe that the preliminary breath tests should be admissible, and that DUI suspects should be required to submit breath or blood samples after probable cause to arrest is established.

Still, that's not the law in Missouri, and McCulloch hardly can claim that he didn't know where and how his hands would be tied before deciding to force Little spend $50,000 or so in legal fees, and more than a few sleepless nights, as he faced a four-year loss of his liberty.

But McCulloch needs some basis to deflect the blame for the defeat.  We've heard them all:

"The jury was stupid."

"The judge was on the take."

"The case was frivolous."

"I really had to pee during closing arguments." 

In this case, McCulloch's excuse ain't half bad.  He didn't get his conviction, and now he can smear Little by declaring publicly that the numbers suggested the big fella was drunk.  Maybe Little deserves to get treated that way.  But that's not the point.

The point is that McCulloch's effort to deflect the blame is shamefully transparent, and we hope the voters of St. Louis County will keep in mind his misguided decision to waste taxpayer money chasing after a guy who, in hindsight, probably should never have been prosecuted.

And if the voters of Missouri don't like the fact that preliminary breath tests are inadmissible and that submission to a follow-up test isn't mandatory, maybe they should get the Anheuser-Busch lobbyists out of the anal cleft of the Legislature. 

NEW DEAL FOR DOOKIE

On Friday, restricted free agent running back Najeh "Dookie" Davenport signed a new contract with the Packers on Friday.  Terms of the deal (including its length) have yet to be released.

Davenport was a fourth-round pick of the Pack in 2002.  He subsequently was prosecuted for dropping trou and taking a dump in the closet of a dorm room as the female resident was asleep in her bed.  

She was awakened by strange noises, and found Dookie doing his business in her hamper.

POSTED 12:52 a.m. EDT; UPDATED 1:23 p.m. EDT, April 3, 2005

FINS DON'T PLAN TO TAKE QB AT NO. 2

Word out of Miami is that the Dolphins have no plans to select a quarterback with the second choice in the 2005 draft, despite efforts by coach Nick Saban to suggest otherwise.

We've previously surmised that Saban's flirtations with Ricky Williams were an effort to dupe the Browns into thinking that the Fins would go for a signal-caller and not a chain-mover at No. 2, thereby possibly enabling Saban and company to squeeze an extra pick or two out of the Browns for the right to move up one spot and ensure a shot at a quarterback.

In 1998, the Cardinals squeezed a first-round pick, a second-round pick, and RB/KR Eric Metcalf out of the Chargers in exchange for a flip-flop of the No. 2 and No. 3 overall picks, which enabled San Diego to select (gulp) Ryan Leaf.

So the message to the Browns is this -- sit tight and stick to your guns.  A quarterback will be there if you want one at No. 3, unless the Dolphins trade down with a team that would take one of them.  As to that possibility, the major downside for the Fins is that, even if they swap spots with one of the teams in the top ten that could use a new quarterback (the Titans at No. 6 or the Cards at No. 8), Miami suddenly risks not getting a sniff at any of the three elite running backs.

CHIEFS, FINS NEED A FACE-SAVER

With the Chiefs and cornerback Patrick Surtain in agreement on a long-term deal, the only obstacle to consummation is the fact that Surtain is still the property of the Dolphins.

And the two teams have their heels dug in tighter than a six-year-old who's been asked to kiss Auntie Moustache.  

The Fins want a second-round pick and won't budge.  The Chiefs will give up a four.  And won't budge.

A reasonable person might look at this situation and conclude that a third-rounder will get it done.  But reasonableness goes out the window when marble-headed guys like the Nicktator and King Carl are at the bargaining table, even if the Chiefs had a third-rounder which they could trade (which they don't, due to the John Wellbourn trade).

So, as one league insider 'splained to us, the two sides will need a way to create the impression that they got that they wanted (or more) without giving up anything of consequence.  A superficial meeting in the middle, in order words, likely won't be enough.

Instead, it will require some creativity, possibly introduced through an intermediary.  Perhaps the deal happens with a fourth-round pick now and a conditional second-rounder in 2005, based on Surtain's playing time or picks.  Then, it's a win-win -- if the Chiefs end up giving up more down the road, it's only because Surtain has exceeded expectations in K.C.

Either way, stubbornness simply won't git 'er done.  A second-round pick is too much for a guy whom the team has written out of its plans for the future.  A fourth-round pick, however, is too low, given that the Pats gave up a third-round pick a month ago for Duane Starks.  

Even though the stakes are slightly different, the psychological realities at play here are no different than the stare-down in which Kennedy and Kruschev engaged when the Soviets started shipping certain oversized cigars into Cuba.  Whether the issue is the location of a 28-year-old cornerback or the destruction of a multimillion-year-old planet, hard-headed men would rather do stupid than be perceived weak.  

So a resolution to this one is hardly a no-brainer, and it will require a solution that enables both Saban and Peterson to persuade themselves (and, more importantly, others) that they got the better end of the bargain.  

LOOMING ACQUITTAL FOR LITTLE WAS OBVIOUS

On Friday, we reported that the Rams were confident defensive end Leonard Little would be acquitted on DUI charges that could have put him away for four years, based on his history of making like Kyle Busch after he'd made like Foster Brooks.

And on Friday morning, we heard from our good friend Howard Balzer (a prominent St. Louis sports journalist, formerly of USA Today SportsWeekly) regarding the testimony he witnessed in the courtroom on Thursday.  Balzer 'splained to us that, in his view, a conviction was very unlikely, given "stunn[ing]" inconsistencies between the established procedures for conducting field sobriety tests and the manner in which arresting officer Gregory Stork administered them.

As Balzer wrote, "Frankly, from what I heard Thursday, it's difficult for me to imagine 12 jurors unanimously finding Little guilty."

On Friday, Balzer's prediction came to fruition.  Here are some excerpts of the info that Balzer shared with us following the developments on the day that culminated in Little's aquittal:

"[A] backup officer at the scene said he didn't observe the things Officer Stork did" regarding Little's alleged intoxication.  "Also of interest, it was brought out that the backup officer, Kenneth Andreski, carries a [DUI procedures] manual with him at all times, while Stork doesn't even own one," Balzer said.

"The prosecutor was reaching so desperately that in his closing arguments he said Little was drunk because it was 3:44 a.m. and the only people out at that time of night were drunks, people who work the night shift, and criminals.  Amazing.  While acknowledging that Stork didn't administer the tests properly, he then said, 'Who cares?  It doesn't have anything to do with this' and added that the defense was 'nitpicking.'"

Meanwhile, Little's lawyer, Scott Rosenblum, singlehandedly secured the acquittal, via compelling cross-examination and a photographic recollection as to the key facts and nuggets of information.

Balzer listed for us some of the gems from Rosenblum's closing argument to the jury:

1.  Referring to the flaws in the sobriety testing procedure that were caught on camera, Rosenblum said that "Stork got caught by the very tape he usually used to protect himself.  He got punked."

2.  "He gave instructions on the tests that were designed to make [Little] fail."

3.  "Do you find it alarming that I knew the [DUI procedures] manual better than Gregory Stork?"

4.  "You must consider the audacity, the arrogance of an individual that has not trained for a minute since 1997.  He didn't even own a manual.  His whole arrest process is a means to an end."

5.  Referring to more than 300 DUI arrests made by Storck, Rosenblum said, "He has always gone unchallenged.  Hopefully, that will change.  What he did that night was the only crime committed." 

Of course, it appears that the prosecution's fate was sealed even before Rosenblum's closing.  In the type of "Perry Mason" moment of which every lawyer dreams, Storck's trial copy of the sobriety testing procedures was missing a page.  And the missing page, which Rosenblum had enlarged onto a poster board, explained that any inaccuracy in the administration of the test or in the instruction of the subject "compromises the validity and accuracy of the test."

So, as many of you might be aksing yourselves, why did this mess even go to trial, especially when the case had more reasonable doubt than Michael Jackson's gynecologist?  Scroll up to the Chiefs-Dolphins story for some clues in this regard as to the mindset that surely prevented the prosecutor from letting go of this one after he'd gotten it in his head that he was going to put away Leonard Little, who hardly is a sympathetic figure based on the 1999 death of Susan Gutweiler, which occurred in an accident involving an admittedly drunken Little.

For the prosecutor, there was no way out of the box without looking like a nincompoop -- and without exposing Officer Storck to a civil charge of malicious prosecution.  Then again, we don't rule out the fact that Little and his lawyers will seek justice against Storck for the unnecessary worry and expense that Little incurred based on a deeply flawed arrest procedure, which very well might have been motivated by malice.

SUNDAY ONE-LINERS

The sticking point in the Tom Brady negotiations isn't just that the team wants the $24 million signing bonus to be paid in multiple installments; it's apparently that the future installments wouldn't be guaranteed (and would be in pennies).

Eight teams have called agent Tony Agnone about LB Jamie Sharper, and Sharper isn't ruling out a return to Baltimore.

The Vikings aren't expected to match the two-year offer sheet signed by S Brian Russell with the Browns; since Russell was undrafted, the Vikings will receive no compensation if they choose not to match.

Congrats to Pat McManamon, who's leaving the web site ClevelandBrowns.com and returning to The Akron Beacon-Journal.

The Bucs are bracing for CB Ronde Barber to be a no-show when OTA's open on Tuesday.

The Broncos are expected to finalize an agreement with DE Marco Coleman.

It might be time for the A-Train to catch a Greyhound for Ontario, given that the Broncos chose Ron Dayne over the former Bears back.

We send out our best wishes to Chargers quarterbacks coach Brian Schottenheimer, 31, who has been diagnosed with thyroid cancer.

Browns G.M. Phil Savage had this to say about the departure of four of the team's defensive linemen for Denver:  "Those four linemen were on a defense that was ranked 32nd in the National Football League [in run defense].  Somebody tell me what the big to-do is.  If we added four linemen from a team that was ranked 32nd in run defense, I think you guys would have asked me about that right off the bat."

Absent a restructuring, Panthers DE Julius Peppers will have a 2006 cap number of $14.8 million.

Pats LB Tedy Bruschi has been at Gillette Stadium on a regular basis to perform rehab activities relating to his February stroke.

The Jets plan to throw the ball down the field more in 2005.

The Dolphins might move LT Wade Smith to center.

49ers coach Mike Nolan thinks his team can win the NFC West (and of any of the eight NFL divisions, that's the one to try to topple).

QUOTE OF THE CENTURY

Gary Baxter claims that he prayed before reneging on a deal with the Ravens and heading to Cleveland; one day later, Baltimore G.M. Ozzie Newsome heard this gem from Jags personnel guru Shack Harris:  "Baxter prayed to the same [g]od Reggie White did when he decided to go to Green Bay.  'In God We Trust.'"  

POSTED 9:22 a.m. EST; UPDATED 10:34 a.m. EST, April 2, 2005

BRONCOS DON'T WANT TO RELEASE PRYCE

Although The Denver Post reported on Friday that the Broncos will release defensive lineman Trevor Pryce if they cannot find a trade partner, a league source tells us that the team is reluctant to cut the former Pro Bowler, because they fear that he will land in Oakland, Kansas City, or San Diego if he hits the open market.

So look for the team to ultimately take a low-round pick from a team not in the AFC West (and perhaps not in the AFC at all) in exchange for Pryce.

It's becoming increasingly ironic, in our view, that as the Broncos are so insistent on getting rid of Pryce, the team has spent much of the past week collecting guys who collectively have far accomplished less in the NFL than Pryce, who once was one of the premier defensive tackles in the league -- and likely still has the potential to return to that level of performance.

So instead of working out an acceptable contract with Pryce, the Broncos instead are taking a flier on a quartet of d-line turds from the team that's named for the color of such objects.  And to add insult to indignity, the Broncos also have signed another guy who couldn't carry Pryce's jock with a crane -- former Giants running back and colossal first-round bust Ron Dayne.

As we've said before (and as we'll surely say again) if any other coach were performing in this way in any other city, he would have had the adjective "former" attached to the front end of his title long ago.  But Mike Shanahan can do no wrong in the eyes of Denver owner Pat Bowlen, for reasons that we will never, ever understand.

SAUERBRUN SOON TO GET THE BOOT

Accoding to The Rock Hill (S.C.) Herald, the Carolina Panthers have been trying to trade punter Todd Sauerbrun for a month, and likely will release the veteran ball-booter if a deal cannot be accomplished.

The team's intention to part ways with its punter couldn't come at a worse time for Sauerbrun, who has been fingered as a steroid user in a recent CBS News report.  With Jose Canseco's autobiography and the ongoing BALCO mess creating an unprecedented stigma for any current or past users (even as to those who juiced in days before it was either illegal or a violation of the rules to do so), our guess is that no NFL will be willing to touch Todd with a ten-foot syringe.

So even though the NFL apparently can't officially sanction Sauerbrun or any of the other players who have been tied to Dr. James Shortt's candy store because none of the players ever tested positive for any banned substances, we predict that no NFL team will want the negative press that necessarily will go with having Sauerbrun or any of the other guys on their rosters when the game start.

J-VILLE STATION PULLS BUSH LEAGUE MOVE

As many of our loyal readers know, we annually put a phony post on the site every April 1.  And, every April 1, we get a slew of e-mails from readers who initially believed the stories, until they started reading our intentionally ridiculous "One-Liners" (which at any other time represent snapshots of news items from newspapers and other Internet resources).

This year, for example, our first "One-Liner" said that the Bills have hired O.J. Simpson as a regional scout.  If that one wasn't enough to remind readers to check their calendars, the rest of them clearly should have (such as, for example, the one that said Maurice Clarett is suing the NFL to get out of the 2005 draft).

And even if someone believed everything in the "One-Liners" section, we were sure to include at the bottom of the fake news a quote from Mark Twain regarding April Fool's Day and a note 'splaining to the readers that the stories were all phony.

But even with those precautions, we inevitably get e-mails from folks who haven't figured out that the stories are April Fool's Day jokes.

This year, one of those e-mails came from a (supposedly) trained journalist with WJXT television in Jacksonville, who wanted to know whether our story that the Jaguars might put that God-forsaken river town in the rear-view mirror and load up the truck and move to Bev-er-leeeee was an April Fool's gag.   

Asked Frank Powers, in a message sent at 10:58 a.m. on April 1:

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Our response, from 1:53 p.m.:

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yes.  (i was very tempted to tell you otherwise.)

mike f.

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Problem solved, right?  I mean, to the extent that Powers might have believed the story and decided to use our report as the basis for an actual news item, the fact that we 'fessed up that it was an April Fool's joke should have been enough to kill the story, or at a minimum compel the station to actually mention that we acknowledged it was an April Fool's joke.

Instead, the end result was quite different.  The story posted by the station on its web site at 4:12 p.m. says nothing about our admission that our report was an April Fool's Day prank, clearly indicating that we deemed the story to be real.

WJXT even carried the issue one step farther, giving the team a chance to take a pot shot at us:

POSTED 6:47 a.m. EST, April 1, 2005

(Editor's Note:  The following stories and One-Liners represent our annual April Fool's Day offerings.)

THE NICKTATOR CALLS IT QUITS

Miami Dolphins coach Nick Saban apparently has had enough, even before presiding over his first NFL mini-camp.

According to a league source, the Nicktator has resigned his position as the head coach and grand poobah of the Fins, barely three months after taking the job.

Saban, we're told, had grown weary of the demands placed on him for access to his assistant coaches, and he feared that media scrutiny of the franchise would only intensify.

Word is that owner Wayne Huizenga will pay to Saban a severance package equivalent to 50 percent of his 2005 salary.  With all college jobs filled, Saban apparently will sit the year out, and then try to get back into the NCAA game next year.  

Immediate speculation on a replacement has centered on former Browns coach Butch Davis, who previously spent time with the University of Miami as the head coach, before heading to the NFL as the boss of the Browns.

"There's simply no one else," said one league insider.

For the Dolphins, Saban's exit is the latest embarrassment in a string of indignities dating back to Dan Marino's three-week stint as the team president, and continuing through an ill-advised trade for quarterback A.J. Feeley, the abrupt retirement of running back Ricky Williams, the pathetic acquisition of receiver David Boston, and the coerced resignation of coach Dave Wannstedt.

DREW BREEZES TO THE BAY

Earlier this week, the Chargers and 49ers denied that they were talking turkey on a trade of quarterback Philip Rivers to San Fran in exchange for the No. 1 overall pick.

But no one ever said a thing about Drew Brees.

Word is that the Chargers and the Fins have reached an agreement in principle that will send Brees and the Chargers No. 12 overall pick to the 49ers for the first overall pick in the draft.  The teams also will swap second-round picks as part of the deal.

Brees also has agreed to a six-year, $35 million contract with the 49ers.  He previously had been operating under a one-year, $8.08 million tender offer that he signed in March, after getting slapped with the franchise tag.

JAGS OFF TO THE WEST COAST?

As the NFL faces increased pressure to maximize revenue, there are rumblings that the league will fill the void in Southern California by abandoning the Jacksonville market, only weeks after playing the Super Bowl in AllTel Stadium.

The other 31 owners, we hear, will refund Wayne Weaver his expansion fee, with interest, and he will retain a minority interest in the team, after it is sold to a Los Angeles-area owner.

In Jacksonville, the Jaguars have been plagued by an inability to sell out AllTel Stadium, even in "big" games.

It remains to be seen whether the team will still be named "Jaguars" after such a move, if it indeed occurs. 

APRIL 1 ONE-LINERS

The Bills have hired O.J. Simpson as a part-time regional scout (and part-time knife sharpener).

The NFLPA plans to retain the NHLPA's Bob Goodenow as a special consultant to the union's ongoing efforts to work out a new CBA with NFL owners; "We're going to play hardball," said executive director Gene Upshaw.  "Besides, Goodenow doesn't really have anything else going on right now."

Hall of Famer Fran Tarkenton and 1984 Heisman Winner Doug Flutie are launching a "Short Man's Syndrome Fantasy Camp," complete with shoe lifts, sports cars, and loud talking.

The Giants are considering hiring Archie Manning to assist with the grooming of Eli in minicamps and offseason workouts.

Pats owner Bob Kraft has decided that players from the 2004 team who also were on the 2003 championship squad won't get new Super Bowl rings; instead, Kraft will merely spring for another cubic zirconium to be added to the 2003 blingage. 

Arkansas QB Matt Jones might have torn an ACL during a pickup basketball game on Thursday.

The Steelers have re-signed CB Dewayne Washington and CB Chad Scott.

Last year, Giants QB Jesse Palmer auditioned for the new Superman movie; this year, Colts QB Peyton Manning will read for the role of Herman in the screen version of The Munsters (if nothing else, he'll help keep the makeup expenses within budget).

Cowboys QB Drew Bledsoe's mobility is improving; he recently ran the 40 in 6.4 seconds.

Former Ohio State RB Maurice Clarett has filed suit against the NFL to get out of the 2005 draft.

Bengals president Mike Brown is taking the whole "local revenue streams" thing literally -- he's installing pay toilets at Paul Brown Stadium.

Panther P Todd Sauerbrun has challenged Jose Canseco to a nut-shrinking contest.

If Reggie Fowler's bid to fall the Vikings falls through, Red McCombs plans to assign the job of selling the team at the highest possible profit to Super-scalper Mike Tice.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

From Samuel Clemens a/k/a Mark Twain:  "The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year."

(Editor's note:  For those of you who haven't figured it out yet, all of the above stories are phony.  The "real" news, info, and analysis starts below.)

POSTED 8:17 a.m. EST, April 1, 2005

SABAN LOSING HIS GRIP?

Okay, the story about Dolphins coach Nick Saban abruptly quitting was an April Fool's joke.  But like one of our phony April 1 stories of a year ago, which said that the Vikings had traded Randy Moss, the Saban story might eventually come to fruition.

Why do we say this?  Well, we're hearing about even more bizarre behavior by the Nicktator, which will make it (in our view) difficult if not impossible for Saban to duplicate the team-first, team-only atmosphere that has propelled his mentor Bill Belichick to three Super Bowl wins in four years.

First, we hear that Saban was holding court with some reporters in a roundtable-type setting on Thursday, and that Saban was growing increasingly agitated with questions regarding the burgeoning Feeley-Frerotte quarterback controversy, supposedly referring to it as "bullshit" on more than one occasions.

Hey, Nick -- you f--king created the controversy, by allowing the de facto head coach of your offense, Scott Linehan, to reel in the guy he wants at quarterback, and then by suggesting to the media that the job is open for competition.

Second, the supposed football genius apparently has not figured out that there just might be a cause-and-effect relationship between how he treats the media and how the media treats him.  In addition to Saban slapping muzzles on everyone in the organization except himself, we hear that Saban has revoked reserved parking spaces at the team's Davie, Florida facility, covering the names of the news organizations with bright yellow paint.

Third, and in a twist on the whole "Little Debbie" thing from earlier this week, word is that a team secretary has been directed never to speak to the Nicktator -- after complimenting him on his haircut (that bitch!). 

In our view, Saban needs to make some serious changes to his approach to others before that organization ever will begin to look anything like the Patriots.  Even if he proves to be the best tactician who ever walked the face of the earth, his attitude and demeanor will not coax the best possible performance and commitment out of those on whom he necessarily is relying, including players, assistants, staff, and the media.

RAMS THINK LITTLE WILL BE ACQUITTED

We're hearing that the St. Louis Rams are confident that defensive end Leonard Little will be exonerated of the current chronic DUI charges that he is facing.

On Thursday, Little's lawyer told the jury in opening statements that the police officer who arrested the former Pro Bowler didn't use proper procedures in administering field sobriety tests to Little last April 24.

The case rests on the testimony of the arresting officer, who says that Little failed three sobriety tests.  Because Missouri law permits a driver to refuse a breathalzyer test (thank you for enabling drunk driving, Anheuser-Busch lobbyists!), there's no hard, objective evidence that Little was over the legal limit.

But just the fact that Little would be behind the wheel after drinking anything is deeply troubling to us, given that he pleaded guilty to involuntary manslaughter in 1999 for the death of 47-year-old Susan Gutweiler, admitting that he was drunk at the time of the crash.

One league source told us that, even now, Little "doesn't get it."  He still goes out to clubs, we hear, and goofs around and generally fails to behave like a guy who has killed a woman because he chose to drive his vehicle after getting drunk, and who faces up to four years in prison for his more recent alleged offense.

FRIDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

The Chiefs and CB Patrick Surtain have reached an agreement in principle on a long-term deal with an eight-figure bonus, but the Nicktator refuses to take a fourth-round pick, even though the guy is under contract in Miami for only one year, isn't in the team's future plans, and likely doesn't want to be there, anyway.

RB Maurice Clarett and his advisers had to be persuaded to move his 40-yard dash from a muddy, dilapidated field at Warren G. Harding high school indoors, where he ran a bit faster than he did at the combine.

DE Trevor Pryce could be released soon if the Broncos don't find a trade partner, according to The Denver Post.

Giants S Shaun Williams has agreed to a restructured contract, which helped him to avoid his release.

The Jets got their first victory of the season, winning the rights to the West Side railyard by a 14-0 score/vote.

But Jets coach Herm Edwards understands that a new stadium is nice to have, but that "[t]he stadium is not going to score points for you."

Browns G.M. Phil Savage would like to add one more free agent before the draft.

The Packers are looking into the possibility of signing LB Monty Beisel.

The Steelers are trying to recover memorabilia that the team says was loaned to the Allegheny Club, a swanky, exclusive area in Three Rivers Stadium that went under after the old venue went down.

The Redskins plan no further additions before the draft.

Jags DT Marcus Stroud will make $3.6 million this year, even without a long-expected contract extension.

The Jags have signed CB Kenny Wright.

Jacksonville coach Jack Del Rio wants to be sure that S Donovin Darius is committed to the team before he joins the offseason program.

The Texans are hosting Texas LB Derrick Johnson this weekend, who likely will be long gone when the team uses the 13th overall pick.

The Browns, Bengals, and Cowboys each offered C Robbie Tobeck more money than he got to stay in Seattle.

The Commish has been summoned to Congress to talk about the NFL's efforts to keep steroids out of the rear ends of punters.

Giants WR Plaxico Burress says that his potential was unfulfilled in the 'Burgh because the team only threw the ball "15 times a game" -- actually, our research indicates that the team averaged 22 attempts per game in 2004, 33 in 2003, 34 in 2002, 28 in 2001, and 27 in 2000, for a total average over Burress' five years of 28.8 passes per game.

Giants TE Jeremy Shockey is working out on his own for now.

Ravens G Bennie Anderson signed a three-year, $5.1 million deal with the Bills.

The Lions signed RB Jamel White, and waived RB Ken Simonton.

Hurricanes CB Antrell Rolle will make a pre-draft visit to the Fins.

Looking for more?  Check out every other word we've written since May 2002.