We're
getting a big kick out of recent suggestions by some NFL agents
that they're willing to include in the contracts of players with
black marks on their records a provision that would enable bonus
money to be recovered if, for example, the kid tests positive
for a banned substances.
Most
recently, David "Troy
Williamson's Biatch" Canter has said that, if the
Broncos give punter Todd Sauerbrun a new deal in connection with
a trade for his services, the contract will include a bonus
"buyback" if Sauerbrun breaks any league rules or gets
in any trouble.
Defensive
tackle Luis Castillo, who tested positive for steroids at the
Scouting Combine, has made a similar commitment to the Chargers,
asking for a clause that would require him to refund his entire
signing bonus if he tests positive again for any juice other
than orange, grape, or Jesus.
What
these guys conveniently overlook is that teams already are
putting such clauses in most, if not all, player
contracts. So the offer to do so is little more than a
hollow P.R. gesture, intended to make a turdish talent seem
sympathetic to the media and/or the fans.
The
biggest problem, as some league insiders see it, for guys like
Sauerbrun and Castillo isn't that they'll get caught using
steroids but that their bodies will not hold up without chemical
assistance, assuming that the reports of Sauerbrun's usage are
true, and assuming that Castillo is embellishing just a tad when
he 'splains that he raged on 'roids only in connection with his
recovery from an injury while preparing for pre-draft
workouts.
And
that's why teams should be leery of Sauerbrun, and should have
stayed away from Castillo.
GROSSMAN
SHEDDING THE PIZZA FAT
Word
out of Chicago is that Bears quarterback Rex Grossman put on
nearly 30 pounds while recovering from a torn ACL suffered last
September.
Per
our BEars official mole (who among other things told us that the
Bears had a bong in their pocket for Ricky Williams Jr. more
than two months before the draft), Grossman has shed all but
five of those extra L.B.'s by dumping the "pizza and
beer" from his diet.
The
team's starting quarterback began his reduction process after
coach Lovie Smith expressed concern in January that Rex's girth
was getting a little gross, man.
Although
Grossman generally is considered to be the Bears' quarterback of
the present and future, there's no room for regression in the
NFL. If draft pick Kyle Orton develops quickly and the
2003 first-rounder can't fulfill his potential soon, Grossman
surely won't get five years to become the next Luckman.
TY
WON'T GET BIG COIN
In
response to reports that cornerback Ty Law expects to maintain
the same sky-high salary he was receiving in New England before
his wheel cracked like an ice cube in a bowl of bisque, league
insiders are questioning (again) the sanity of Law's agents,
Carl and Kevin Poston.
"No
f--king way [Law] gets big coin up front," opined one
league source.
"Unless,"
the source added, "[Redskins owner Dan Snyder] goes apesh-t
again."
But
there are three obstacles to Law getting an above-market
contract from the 'Skins. First, the team put itself in a
major cap mess by trading Laveranues Coles, making it difficult
to pay an eight-figure bonus to Law. Second, the 'Skins
drafted Carlos Rogers (or "Carlos Joseph" if you get
your NFL news from the yay-hoos
at Yahoo). Third, the 'Skins are still leery about
working with the Postons, who claimed that the team fraudulently
failed to include a second $6.5 million roster bonus for 2006 in
LaVar Arrington's December 2003 contract extension.
Teams
interested in Law include the Steelers, Lions, and
Dolphins. But we can't imagine any of them breaking the
pig for a guy who might not be the same in 2005 after breaking
his piggies in October of last season.
SUNDAY
ONE-LINERS
Sid
Hartman of The Minneapolis Star Tribune thinks that the
Vikings will miss WR Randy Moss (you're right, Sid --
without Randy, who'll be there to disrupt locker room chemistry
and to undermine the grossly underrated leadership skills of
Daunte Culpepper?).
Tony
Grossi of The Cleveland Plain Dealer is $4
million too low in his estimate of TE Kellen Winslow's total
potential liability to the Browns. (Conspiracy
Theory Alert: Wethinks the team is trying to get the
media to understate Evel Kellnievel's total potential liability,
so that when he forfeits the remaining $2 million due to be paid
on July 15 as a full settlement of the issue it'll look like the
Browns recovered a bigger percentage of their best-case
scenario.)
The
Saints are interested in WR
Az Hakim (gesundheit).
Jets
CB Jamie Henderson hopes
to make it back from a near-fatal motorcycle accident.
Packers
WR Robert
Ferguson has had Lasik surgery, which cured headaches that
were thought to have been related to the vicious hit he took
from S Donovin Darius last year.
POSTED
11:35 a.m. EDT, May 14, 2005
CHAVOUS
WANTS NEW CONTRACT?
Vikings
safety Corey Chavous reportedly wants
a new contract, according to the St. Paul Pioneer
Press. Chavous might, as a result, stay away from the
team's upcoming involuntary voluntary minicamp, which opens on
Monday.
Chavous
is scheduled to make $1.9 million this year.
As
one league insider opined, Chavous should be happy to be getting
that much from the Vikings.
Indeed,
word is that the Vikings could be inclined to part ways with
Chavous after June 1. So perhaps he's merely trying to
create some cover for his looming release.
If/when
Chavous goes, the team likely will turn to Willie Offord, a
third-round pick in 2002 who has yet to crack the starting
lineup. Offord would be teamed with Darren Sharper in a
revamped defensive backfield that would feature three new
starters in 2005, with Antoine Winfield the only holdover.
Per
the report, the ownership group received notice from the IRS
last month that they owe taxes on money received from Oakland
and Alameda County when the team returned to the Bay Area in
1995.
The
deal provided the team with $63.9 million in "loans,"
but had no schedule of repayment. If, therefore, the money
was not and has not been paid back, the money is income -- and
taxes should have been paid on it.
The
Raiders plan to challenge the matter, which shouldn't surprise
anyone. Count Chocula, after all, thrives not by feasting
on human blood but by paying money to the legal minions who do
his bidding on a continuous basis.
WALKER
'SPLAINS HOLDOUT
Packers
receiver Javon Walker addressed on Friday his contract status.
His
agent, Drew Rosenhaus, has made proposals, and the team hasn't
responded to any of them.
Walker
also said that the primary reason for skipping involuntary
voluntary workouts and a recent mandatory minicamp was to guard
against an injury that could damage his ultimate value.
But
as we've heard from various league insiders, there are ways to
work out participation in offseason sessions in a manner that
protects a guy against injury.
One
strategy, for example, is to participate in everything except
joint drills, during which the possibility of injury
significantly increases.
But
Walker and Rosenhaus aren't interested in cooperation, unless it
involves getting paid. That's why the Packers will
continue to get nothing but word play (e.g., "a
holdout isn't a holdout until it's a holdout") from their
Pro Bowl receiver and his
agent,
unless and until they realize that the team won't
budge.
SAUERBRUN
STILL DOESN'T GET IT
Carolina
Panthers punter Todd Sauerbrun has a long history of words and
deeds suggesting that his ability to send a cow-covered
elliptical spheroid through the air courtesy of his foot are not
matched by his cognitive skills.
Earlier
this year, Sauerbrun became the butt of jokes throughout the
league after being implicated as a steroid user via a CBS
News report.
The
incident greased the skids for Sauerbrun's exit from Carolina,
and the Panthers began to explore opportunities for trading the
ten-year veteran.
Enter
the Broncos, who have been collecting more turds of late than a
water treatment plant. After meeting with Sauerbrun, Mike
Shanahan and company decided to send a seventh-round pick to
Charlotte, and to commit to a contract that requires paying
Sauerbrun $1.2 million in 2005, $1.295 million in 2006, and $1.4
million in 2007.
If
a deal can't be worked out, Sauerbrun likely will be released
after June 1, and he will become a free agent.
Maybe
he thinks that he'll get a better deal on the open market, which
undoubtedly would include some money up front. But it's
one thing, in our view, for the Broncos to take on a contract
that, as a practical matter, commits them to nothing until
Sauerbrun (a vested veteran) plays in the regular-season
opener. It's quite another for Denver -- or anyone else --
to plunk down a bunch of coin for a guy whose track record calls
to mind terms like arrogant, self-centered, 'roid rage, jerk,
and closet homosexual, among others. (Editor's Note:
We're not suggesting that Sauerbrun is gay. Not that
there's anything wrong with that.)
There
have been reports that the Bucs (no surprise) and the Vikings
(less of a surprise, given the activities of Coach Meathead and
Phony Pee-Pee Boy) might be interested. But only the
Broncos brought Sauerbrun in for an interview in advance of a
trade, and we've got a feeling that, in the end, he'll end up
with a deal not nearly as good as the one that's going to get
flushed down the crapper by Carolina next month.
SATURDAY
MORNING ONE-LINERS
The
potential return of the NFL is a
non-issue in the L.A. mayoral race (but one of the
candidates has a revenue plan that includes televising all car
chases and shootouts on a pay-per-view basis).
The
Giants have reached
an injury settlement with QB Jim Miller (who somehow manages
to continue his NFL career without, you know, actually being on
a team during the regular season).
The
Packers won't
rule out pursuing LB Peter Boulware as a situational pass
rusher (even if hurt, he can't be any worse than Joe Johnson or
Jamal Reynolds or post-payday KGB or any other stiff that the
team has tried at the position since Reggie White retired).
With
C Rich Braham signed, the Bengals
are returning all 11 starters on offense in 2005 (does that
fall into the "good news" or "bad news"
category?).
The
Chiefs
are pissing and moaning about a political decision that
apparently will require them to pay for their own improvements
to Arrowhead Stadium.
The
Saints have implemented
a new technology for the convenience of season ticket
holders (they're using fishing line instead of shoe string to
tie the tin cans together).
The
Cardinals are hosting
free kicking camps every Saturday through July 30 (this
week's emphasis is how not to tear an ACL celebrating a
converted extra point).
"I
know the team has told me they just wanted competition,'' said
agent Ken Harris. "But I don't particularly believe
Doug Brien opted for Chicago over other possibilities for a
competition.''
"Look
at a class organization like the New York Jets,'' Harris
added. "They did not even hesitate to let Brien go
make a living somewhere else [after drafting Mike Nugent in
round two]. That's something Brien, his family and his
representation, I am sure, appreciate.
"When
you're on the other side of the coin there, you appreciate what
they did for Doug. [The Bears] have their competition, so
when they tell you [Edinger is there] for competition, they're
crazy. I do not think they would be adversely affected by
giving him a chance to make a living somewhere else than waiting
until September when it might shut him out.''
Bears
G.M. Jerry Angelo isn't ready to comply with the request.
"We're
going out to create as much competition as we can,'' Angelo
said. "Paul's making a lot of money, and in the interim,
they asked about seeking a trade. We told them to go ahead
and look. We paid Paul a lot of money. It's a
process, and we have to let it run its course. We can't
let him walk out.''
We
wonder whether Angelo would be taking the same position if the
Vikings coach Mike Tice didn't have a tee in his pocket for
Edinger. After all, the Vikings signed Edinger to an offer
sheet when he was a restricted free agent, forcing the Bears to
match the terms in order to retain his services.
Now,
the Bears have four kickers on the roster -- Brien, Edinger,
Nick Novak, and Tyler Jones. Our guess is that the Bears
will hold Edinger as long as possible, in the hopes that the
Vikings will go in a different direction, and that Angelo and
company won't have to face twice in 2005 the guy whom they
eventually will release.
Or
maybe Angelo and company are merely hoping that Minnesota will
blink and offer a low-round pick for Edinger.
Either
way, it's unlikely that Edinger and his agent will get their
wish.
Did
Boulware's agents know what the market would bear before
telling Ozzie to shove it up his Newsome?
We've
preached about tampering in this space on multiple times.
It's wrong. It's against the rules. It's improper.
It
happens.
Here's
how it goes down. Agents reach out to teams to discuss the
hypothetical terms that a hypothetical player could realize on
the hypothetical open market if he were available,
hypothetically. Since the tampering technically is
performed by the team and not the agent, we think it's stoopid
for any agent who knows that there's a sum certain behind Door
No. 1 to not try to get a peek behind Door No. 2, before it
flies open to reveal a goat humping a fence post.
So
if, in this case, Boulware's agent didn't place an afternoon's
worth of calls to every NFL team in the hopes of striking up
such a conversation before telling the Ravens "no,"
then Boulware should consider firing him.
Hell,
it's not as if the agent had to even take the initiative.
Media reports were swirling about Boulware's potential release
several days before it happened. If a team had a strong
interest in acquiring his services, a call discreetly could have
been made, and a "conversation that never happened"
could have occurred.
Sure,
the teams shouldn't be doing this. But they do it, whether
by talking about impending free agents at the Scouting Combine
or talking about cap casualties who face a "take a cut or
take a hike" ultimatum. And, in reality, the agents
aren't doing the best job they possibly can do for their clients
if they're not willing to listen to things that, in theory,
never should be said while the guy is still under
contract.
San
Antonio is an unlikely
candidate to host the Saints -- for starters, the city would
need a new stadium, or a $200 million upgrade to the Alamodome.
The
Texans have added
veteran OT Victor Riley, with a one-year deal worth $655,000
and a $50,000 bonus; he gets a $100,000 bonus is he makes the
season-opening roster and plays in at least one game.
Jim
Wyatt of The Tennessean seems
to be carrying the water for the Titans and CB Adam "Pacman"
Jones by presuming that Jones was "not involved" in a
bar fight merely because criminal charges won't be pursued . . .
Wyatt's backhanded "despite media reports to the
contrary" slap at The Nashville City Paper for its
prior report on the story is, in our view, cover for the fact
that Wyatt was playing with his Whizzinator while Terry
McCormick of The City Paper was tracking down the
details.
Chiefs
defensive coordinator Gunther Cunningham will be moving
from the press box to the side line (making his return to
the team that poop-canned him as head coach seem even more
surreal on Sundays).
Kudos
to a reader named Flange who raised with us some compelling
questions on Thursday afternoon regarding the incident that
resulted in public disclosure that Onterrio Smith was in
possession of a prosthetic pee-pee last month.
Said
Flange:
"Does
anyone have privacy concerns over a citizen's private property
being discussed in the newspapers after a police search?
How did any of this come to light and doesn't it make you wonder
what about you may be made known following a search of this
kind? Do the security officials routinely blab to the
press what so-and-so carries in his/her baggage?"
We
hadn't thought of that specific angle -- and, in hindsight, we
probably should have.
Armed
with someone else's idea, we opted to try to get to the bottom
of the issue. So we contacted Kevin Seifert of The
Minneapolis Star Tribune, who broke the story regarding
Smith and his fake Johnson.
Seifert,
as it turns out, wasn't the beneficiary of an off-the-record
tip. Instead, the information was publicly available.
"Although
there were no charges," Seifert told us, "the airport
police wrote up an incident report. This report is public
record, just like any other police report."
Seifert
'splained that a copy of any such report is available, unless it
has been sealed for some reason. "In this case,"
he said, "it wasn't sealed."
And as Seifert also observed: "Perhaps a bigger
question is why the police wrote up an incident report if
nothing illegal happened. I don't really have an answer to
that."
Neither
do we. But it's nevertheless troubling for anyone who
worries about the balance between the preservation of personal
liberties and the protection of the public. In this case,
it looks like the line has been crossed, since there really was
no reason why anything should have reduced to writing for public
consumption the personal contents of Smith's baggage.
The
lesson to everyone is clear -- when flying, assume that anything
you put in your bag can and will be seen by others, and that a
piece of paper reflecting your possession of that item can and
will be generated and preserved in a public file.
THURSDAY
NIGHT ONE-LINERS
Bucs
owners Malcolm Glazer has
acquired control of the Manchester United soccer club (but
he is still a gigantic wiener).
The
Bears
have signed K Doug Brien, making the release of K Paul
"Nancy Stance" Edinger inevitable (and the good news
for Brien is that he won't have to worry about missing any
field goals in the playoffs with the Bears).
The
Colts have announced that they will replace their green cement with
FieldTurf; the team said in
February that it would install synthetic grass at the RCA
Dome.
Ravens
DE Terrell Suggs will
go on trial Monday for two counts of aggravated assault
stemming from a March 2003 fight.
The
Wisconsin lottery
blew $200,000 in 2003 on Super Bowl tickets that, for
reasons that aren't completely clear to us, were unable to be
used.
Here's
an update
on Tim Couch, and our guess is that yours truly has a better
chance of suiting up on Sundays than the No. 1 overall pick in
the 1999 draft.
Terry
McCormick of The Nashville City Paper reports that
officials in Georgia will
not pursue an arrest warrant for Titans cornerback Adam
"Pacman" Jones resulting from an April 27 incident at
a DeKalb County strip club.
Andrea
Akins accused Jones of hitting her with a bottle, and Jones
contends that the person responsible for the alleged assault was
Shaguana (great name) Jackson.
Although
the powers-that-be have concluded that the conflicting evidence
likely would not overcome the high burden of proof beyond a
reasonable doubt, Akins may still pursue a civil claim against
Jones, who soon will be coming into a pretty significant amount
of money.
POSTED
8:19 a.m. EDT, May 12, 2005
LEAGUE
FACES DILEMMA ON SMITH
The
NFL has spoken regarding the recent discovery that Vikings
running back Onterrio Smith had a phony pee-pee in his
pocketbook at the Minneapolis-St. Paul Airport, and in our
estimation the league now faces a real dilemma.
Said
NFL V.P. of media relations Greg Aiello: "Under the
terms of our policy, a deliberate attempt to substitute or
alter a specimen during collection is a violation. But
the possession of paraphernalia outside of a testing situation
will be investigated and action taken if appropriate.
Our program requires that players be visually observed from
the front giving the sample with their shirts off and pants
down to their knees, making
the effectiveness of such an effort remote."
In
other words, if the league is properly applying its
drug-testing policies, Smith's "Whizzinator"
wouldn't have worked -- unless he were able to convince the
testing monitor that he had some sort of a "buy one get
one free" birth defect.
So
if, as the logic goes, the NFL's testing methods in this
regard are foolproof, the "Whizzinator" would be no
more effective than eight ounces of room-temperature urine
from Aunt Esther that gets handed to the piss man in a
goldfish bag when he knocks on the door.
Unless
Smith's story that he was taking the device to his cousin is
true (and as one league source said Smith's explanation would
have been more plausible if he would have claimed that the
thing was a sex toy), then Smith must have had reason to
believe that using the thing is effective -- which in turn
calls into question whether the guys responsible for
collecting human waste products on a regular basis are
properly positioning themselves to confirm that no foreign
objects are being used to supply the sample.
Our
prediction, then, is that the league will move gingerly on
this one, since suspending Smith would be an implicit
admission that the testing protocol is flawed. Look
instead for the league to apply some subtle pressure to the
Vikings to get rid of Smith, and for other teams to be
pressured not to give him a safe harbor.
And
given the current glut of running backs in the Twin Cities,
our guess is that other teams wouldn't be inclined to pounce
on Smith -- who is one slip away for a one-year suspension.
Moreover,
Smith's history is fairly well documented. He previously
enrolled in college at Tennessee, where he was arrested in
2000 for striking the mother of his child. He later was
suspended for half of spring practice in 2000, and
subsequently kicked off of the team in May of that year for
failing drug tests.
As
one league source told us, his team's pre-draft investigation
of Smith revealed that the guy was a "repeat
offender" at Tennessee.
Later,
Smith landed at Oregon, where he was suspended in the spring
of 2001 for a violation of team rules. In August 2001,
Smith was arrested for DUI and driving with a suspended
license.
So
even though Smith was, as the source said, "the most
talented running back in the draft class," his "unending
off field problems" caused him to drop to the fourth
round.
Speaking
of round four, the fact that the Vikings added to their
three-headed tailback monster by drafting another running back
in that specific stanza (Florida's Ciatrick Fason) suggests
that the team might have had an inkling about Smith's fake
winkling before April 24, since they now have Smith, Fason,
Michael Bennett, and Mewelde Moore on the roster.
MORE
ON PACMAN'S NEW PROBLEMS
Picking
up the ball that we tossed into the fray earlier this week and
running strong with it, Terry McCormick of The Nashville
City Paper has put a lot more meat on the bone regarding
new allegations against Titans first-round draft pick Adam
"Pacman" Jones.
Per
McCormick, Jones
is scheduled to appear before a DeKalb County, Georgia
magistrate on Friday for a hearing on whether an arrest
warrant should be issued in connection with allegations that
Jones hit a woman over the head with a bottle at a local strip
club in the early morning hours of April 27 -- less than 72
hours after his name was called as the sixth overall pick in
the draft.
Jones'
agent, Michael Huyghue, told McCormick that the allegations
are "completely false."
"Apparently
an allegation was made and later withdrawn. I don’t believe
this has much validity. This is a non-incident," Huyghue
said. "And if there is a court proceeding on
Friday, I think you’ll see that there’s really nothing to
this."
Jones'
camp claims that Shaguana Jackson (who was with Pacman at the
club) is the person who cold-cocked Andrea Akins. Akins
claims it was Jones.
Regardless
of whether Jones is innocent or guilty, he needs to show
better judgment. He dodged a major bullet in round one;
if the Titans hadn't taken a chance on him, Jones likely would
have fallen out of the top ten, since neither the Cardinals
(who selected Antrel Rolle) nor the Redskins (who picked
Carlos Rogers) had Jones at the top of their boards at the
corner position. Now, he needs to make the team that
drafted him not regret the move, especially in light a recent
string of Playmakers-style incidents that have plagued
the franchise.
As
we've said before (and surely will say again), NFL players
need to figure out where the "line" is -- and then
stay the hell away from it.
Maybe
Jones is starting to get smart about the manner in which he
should spend his free time. After we posted our story on
Monday night, we received an e-mail from Jones, who asked
yours truly to give him a call. In a response, yours
truly pointed out to Pacman that he hadn't supplied a phone
number, and to date Pacman has not replied.
Hopefully,
we'll hear from him again. We think he's a phenomenal
talent, and that he has a great chance to make a lot of money
through marketing opportunities.
Allegations
like this, however, won't help him get there.
Drew
Rosenhaus has added
two more new clients -- Titans QB Billy Volek and Titans C
Justin Hartwig (in an unrelated story, neither will be
participating in any offseason workouts until further notice,
or until they realize that it won't help them get new
contracts).
The
Packers are getting a little hot under the Cheesehead
regarding the advances
made by the rival Vikings in the offseason:
"OK, yeah, they picked up some people," offensive
lineman Grey Ruegamer said. "But you don't know how
these people are going to pan out. Look, when was
Minnesota so strong? When? You don't know what
you've got until you get out on the field."
By
releasing LB Peter Boulware now instead of after June 1, the
Ravens will
take the full acceleration of the remainder of his $13
million signing bonus in 2005, with no dead money in 2006; the
net
hit will be $1.6 million, since the team won't have to pay
his $6 million salary.
Nick
Cafardo of The Boston Globe says that the Pats can do
some post-June 1 shopping, since they've got just under $3
million in cap space available (but Cafardo apparently is
overlooking the fact that the team's rookie
pool number is $2,962,900).
As
the Miami Dolphins move on to "Plan B" (or is it
"Plan C"?) in their search for a new front office
guy, there's a question that some league insiders are aksing
about the situation.
Why?
Said
one source, "The guys that they are bringing in for
interviews are no better than the guys they already have in
Rick Spielman and George Paton. They work their asses
off and did everything Saban wanted them to do in free agency
and the draft."
Added
the source: "Change shouldn't be made for the sake
of change."
The
problem, however, is that Saban might have permanently damaged
his relationship with Spielman by bringing in Ruston Webster
and Chris Polian for interviews, especially since Saban seems
to be an obsessive-compulsive paranoid control freak who will
be looking over his shoulder more than ever, now that he's
given Spielman a reason to dislike him.
Still,
Saban should reconsider his apparent desire to replace
Spielman. After all, Spielman is a solid personnel guy
who had a key role in building a team that consistently was
among the best in the conference.
We're
not knocking the guys who have been mentioned as possible
replacements -- we're just wondering why a replacement is
necessary so soon.
BEN
SHOULD PARK HIS BIKE
The
league insiders with whom we have spoken regarding the wisdom
of Ben Roethlisberger's decision to ride a motorcycle sans
helmet are unanimous in their opinion.
Ben
should park the bike.
One
source told us that Roethlisberger's agent, Leigh Steinberg,
should push the issue. Steinberg's fear, however, might
be that he could risk alienating -- and losing -- his client
by forcing the issue.
SAINTS
IN "SHAMBLES"
A
league source tells us that the New Orleans Saints
organization is in "shambles" in the wake of the
departure of all scouts, who apparently have left for other
teams.
A
cloud of uncertainty has been hovering over the franchise for
several years now, as the team has been the subject of
lingering rumors that it will move out of Louisiana. The
lack of stability likely influenced most of the scouts to look
elsewhere.
