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POSTED 8:26 p.m. EDT, June 23, 2005

 

SAINTS SITTING ON AZ DEAL?

 

A league source tells us that, as of Thursday morning, the New Orleans Saints had not submitted receiver Az-Zahir Hakim's new contract to the league office for approval.

 

In theory, Hakim could bolt from the Bayou -- as he did in K.C. -- if another bidder comes up with more money.

 

Given that Hakim reneged on his Chiefs' deal, it's odd to us that the Saints haven't moved more quickly to ensure that Az is locked up.

 

Then again, there isn't much the Saints do these days that we understand.

 

MORTON'S SAN FRAN DEAL SIMILAR TO K.C. OFFER?

 

We're told that receiver Johnnie Morton's new contract in San Fran includes a $150,000 signing bonus, salaries at or slightly above the veteran minimum, and incentives.

 

A league source tell us that, despite our report that the Chiefs were offering Morton only the league minimum, the last offer made in Kansas City was comparable to the offer he accepted in San Fran.

 

But the folks in K.C., we hear, aren't surprised by Morton's decision to leave and have no hard feelings.  Morton had told some members of the organization that he wanted to end his career in California, and none are shocked that he landed with the Niners.

 

THE FINS AND THE FURIOUS

 

Looking to kill some time in the handful of weeks between the close of OTA's and the opening of training camp?  

 

How 'bout a little drinking and drag racing?

 

Dolphins safety Quintin Williams opted for that combination on Thursday.  He was arrested after being clocked at 111 miles per hour, and he subsequently blew 0.087 on the breathalzyer -- 0.007 on the wrong side of the Florida legal limit.

 

Riding in Williams' car was Miami teammate Travares Tillman, another safety.

 

"This is not the kind of behavior we expect from our players relative to the choices and decisions they make," Dolphins coach Nick Saban said.  "They not only need to respect the law, but also to respect others in terms of their safety and how it reflects on the members of this team, the organization and our fans."

 

But the Nicktator shouldn't be surprised by this one.  As one league source told us, "When you sign turds, they act like turds."

 

THURSDAY NIGHT ONE-LINERS

 

Titans P Craig Hentrich underwent emergency surgery to remove a ruptured appendix.

 

Jacksonville signed P Eddie Johnson and released P David Brader (given Johnson's inability to catch and hold the football during his rookie season in Minnesota, we recommend against any of his new teammates inviting him over for fondue).

 

The 'Skins have added CB Artrell Hawkins.

 

Midway's new offering "Blitz:  The League" is making up for EA Sports' hammerlock on the NFL license by, among other things, naming one of its quarterbacks "Mexico."

 

[Press "L" for turbo, "B" to jump, and "R" for another dose of Valtrex.]

 

The Fins open training camp on July 25 -- one year to the day after word broke of Ricky Williams' retirement (which permits Williams to return a not face a one-year suspension for retiring to avoid further drug testing).

 

With 1,023 new seats, the seats at Baltimore's M&T Bank Stadium now can hold 70,107 asses. 

 

Raiders QB Kerry Collins has an afro pick in his pocket for WR Randy Moss.

 

The Bengals are close to signing seventh-round DL Jonathan Fanene.

 

POSTED 7:47 a.m. EDT, June 23, 2005

 

SOME GIANTS RALLYING 'ROUND COUGHLIN

 

Though participation by several of the team's higher-profile players in offseason workouts was sporadic at best, word out of New York is that many of the guys who busted their butts through the involuntary voluntary stages of Camp Coughlin are now firm believers in the head coach's famously hard-nosed approach to the game of football.

 

"He wants to f--king win, man.  What's wrong with that?" said one source.

 

And as more and more members of the team buy in to Coughlin's approach, there very well could be a shift in the leadership roles within the locker room, since some of the guys who weren't regularly involved in the program are now being perceived as me-first guys.

 

The feeling, we're told, is that players like Michael Strahan and Jeremy Shockey and others need to worry less about their own stats and their own selves, and more about the team.  

 

Another guy who might have trouble blending is receiver Plaxico Burress.  The free-agent pickup from Pittsburgh was at a mandatory minicamp, but was rarely around for so-called OTA's and, we hear, had trouble remembering the plays when he was in attendance.

 

"How in the f--k can you know the offense when you're never around?" queried the source.

 

As we see it, the job in the early stages of training camp will be for Coughlin to get the guys with the Kool-Aid I.V. to influence the rest of the roster to fall in line -- regardless of they're Pro Bowls or street free agents.  

 

If it can happen, these Giants could jell sooner than most people think.

 

BUCS QUIETLY TOLERATING RICE'S MOUTH, MONEY

 

Last season, Tampa defensive end Simeon Rice sounded off about a lack of discipline under coach Jon Gruden, attributing the 2002 Super Bowl win in large part to the lingering influence of former head coach Tony Dungy.

 

Gruden responded at the time with a mealy-mouthed, "He said what he said, but Simeon doesn't speak for the whole team, OK?"

 

Less than a year later, Rice is still running his yap publicly, at a time when his $10.7 million cap number likely is making the team regret the big-money extension he received following the team's championship season.

 

But the team continues to put up with both the money, and the mouth.

 

In reference to his eight-figure cap value, Rice says, "It's supposed to be -- don't get twisted, it's supposed to be high.  I came here and I took a big pay cut.  I came here on nothing.  I came here just out of respect, and I still haven't gotten the respect I truly deserve, but I got the respect of money and I can walk away and say that's cool."

 

Meanwhile, the Bucs have been trying repeatedly to reduce Rice's cap hit through negotiations, to no avail.

 

"We have a few contracts that have been signed that we had to live with and hope we get some outstanding performances out of the players," G.M. Bruce Allen said.

 

By the way, Rice is hoping to churn out an outstanding performance this year.  Just like former teammate Warren Sapp several years back, Rice wants to break the all-time sack record, which currently stands at 21.5 plus 1.0 prison shower room love scenes between Mike Strahan and Brett Favre.

 

Still, Rice recognizes that, given his contract, this could be his last year in Tampa.  "It's a revolving door is what it is.  The beauty of it is that my greatness doesn't depend on what helmet I wear.

 

"I'm going to be great wherever I can be great, whether it's here, back in Arizona or in San Diego."

 

In our opinion, the Bucs have allowed themselves to get caught up in the Randy Moss trap when it comes to their handling of Rice.  Like the pre-February 2005 Vikings and their former game-breaking receiver, Tampa Bay seems to be committed to the notion that Rice is indispensable to the team, and that as a result they need to put up with his words and attitudes.

 

The problem is that, as the Vikings eventually realized, Rice's recklessly disruptive, self-centered approach is keeping the rest of the roster from being as good as it can be.  Though, for example, we agree with Rice's message from last season regarding the absence of discipline in Tampa, those words should have been articulated behind closed doors, not in the media.

 

Roughly six months later, Rice remains unrepentant.  "It wasn't a mistake, my ad- libbing was still thought out.  If I can't speak the truth, I might as well not speak.  In the role that I'm cast in the NFL, I'm not a great good guy.  I'm a better bad guy, and I can live with that."

 

Unfortunately for the true fans of the Bucs, the organization has opted to live with it, too. 

 

THURSDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

Jags receivers coach Steve Walters hints that 2004 first-rounder Reggie Williams is still struggling:  "What I'd like for him is to be more consistent catching the ball,'' Walters said. 

 

As to this year's first-round pick in Jacksonville, WR Matt Jones, the man with the chronically sprained vulva has had no problems over the past month.

 

Tom Curran of The Providence Journal points out that the addition of RB/KR Chad Morton by the Pats could create some intense competition in the return game, given the presence of Bethel Johnson and Tim Dwight.

 

April and May were good months for the folks who make theWhizzinator, bad months for two of the guys who have (allegedly) used one.

 

Bucs coach Jon Gruden, in the hopes of correcting the team's 7-9 home record over the past two seasons, moved Wednesday's morning practice into Raymond James Stadium:  "[I]t's just more realistic that way,'' said Gruden.  (If Gruden wants realism, maybe he should scrimmage the Panthers at RJS, too, so that the Bucs can realistically get their asses kicked.) 

 

It's even money as to whether Jags QB Fat Albert spends the bulk of his time off before training camp with a female, or with a pile of cheeseburgers.

 

On Wednesday afternoon, Bucs coach Jon Gruden took the team bowling in order to improve team chemistry; "Last year we had some guys who didn't like the positions they were playing or whatever it may be.  But I think we have a collective vibe right now that's a strong one."

 

Bears coach Lovie Smith thinks that players shouldn't carry guns (thanks, Lovie, for the civics lesson).

 

The Jags want to see if CB Ty Law is ready to chop some wood; "If he's healthy, we're interested,'' coach Jack Del Rio said.

 

CB R.W. McQuarters officially has signed his Lions contract, which is believed to be worth $1.6 million for one season.

 

Former Titans S Lance Schulters will visit the Dolphins on Thursday.

 

Titans coach Jeff Fisher in 90 percent deaf in one ear (and on Sundays this fall, he'll wish he was 100 percent blind in both eyes).

 

From the "Not Even We Could Make Up Something This Freakin' Bizarre" file, the Wisconsin Legislature has fast-tracked an obscure bill regarding the correction of errors on a marriage license, at the apparent behest Packers DE Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila.

 

The Rams, in an effort to put asses in the seats without requiring the purchase of a full-blown season ticket, will allow fans to buy tickets to four games (one of which, of course, is an exhibition contest).

 

The Eagles sold out all available single-game tickets in less than 15 minutes on Thursday.

 

POSTED 7:39 p.m. EDT; UPDATED 9:57 p.m. EDT, June 22, 2005

 

JAGS ENTER FRAY FOR WRIGHT

 

Add one more team to the list of franchises interested in USC defensive tackle Manuel Wright, who'll be eligible for selection in the NFL supplemental draft on July 14.

 

Wright, we're told, will visit the Jags on Wednesday and Thursday before heading to Miami for a Friday visit.  Wright also has visited the Eagles and the Bengals.

 

As we've previously reported, the Dolphins plan to select Wright in the supplemental draft.  

 

And of the teams interested in Wright, the Fins will have dibs -- if they pull the trigger in the same round as the Eagles, Jags, and/or Bengals.  Although the process is based on a weighted lottery (with the worst team from a year ago getting 32 balls in the hopper, the next worst team getting 31, and so on), the draft order is split between teams with six or fewer wins from the prior season -- and all other teams.

 

So the Fins will be lumped together with the Browns, the Titans, the Raiders, the Giants, the Redskins, the Cowboys, the Lions, the Bears, the Bucs, the Cardinals, and the 49ers.  In any given round, then, there's no way that Miami will fall below Philly, Cincy, or Jacksonville.

 

Still, there's definitely a poker-table aspect to this venture.  Each round lasts ten total minutes, and the franchises exercise their picks -- if any -- via e-mail during the same ten-minute period.  After the e-mails are submitted, the league office determines whether two or more teams have selected the same guy, and the league office then awards the player to the highest team in the lottery rankings.  

 

Thus, teams who claim to be interested in Wright could be bluffing in order to prompt another team to burn a high-round 2006 draft pick.  And teams who haven't expressed an interest might be keeping quiet in the hopes of pouncing at the right time.

 

Because many believe Wright to be a third-rounder or a fourth-rounder, our guess is that someone will put in a claim for him in round two.  It would be a shock, frankly, if a team burns a 2006 first-round pick on Wright.  However, we don't rule out a first-round move by a team projected to be picking low in round one next year. 

 

The team that picks Wright will get extra money added to their 2005 rookie pool for the purposes of signing him.  Nevertheless, the team will be required to fit all 2005 draft picks -- and all other players -- under the current cap year.

 

(Editor's note:  Thanks to Steve Alic of the NFL league office for sharing with us the details regarding the supplemental draft procedures.)

 

WEDNESDAY NIGHT ONE-LINERS

 

We're starting to like this Mike Nugent kid, even if he is just a punk-ass kicker.

 

CB Ty Law works out for the Jags on Thursday.

 

Ravens QB Kyle Boller's mug will be on the cover of The Sporting News.

 

           MainImage

 

But we'd still prefer to see this one on the magazine rack. . . .

 

 

In Jacksonville, 63 of 88 guys on the roster had perfect attendance in the team's offseason conditioning program.

 

RB Tiki Barber and former Israeli Prime Minister Shimon Peres are homies.

 

The Cards have signed NFL Europe LB Greg Carothers.

 

Our guess is that Ricky Williams Jr. will be unsigned when the Bears report for training camp:   "I haven't gone through it before so it's hard to say how important it is to be [in camp] on time."  

 

The Chargers have signed sixth-round OL Wes Sims.

 

POSTED 8:26 a.m. EDT, June 22, 2005

 

GANDY, SAINTS AT ODDS

 

Saints left tackle Wayne Gandy claims that the team has asked him to take a pay cut.

 

The Saints say that they haven't asked Gandy to take a pay cut.

 

It's just another day, it seems, in the life of one of the most dysfunctional franchises in the NFL.

 

Gandy's agent, Neil Schwartz, claims that the team wants Gandy to reduce his $5.25 million salary for 2005, due to alleged "non-productivity."

 

"I don't know where this came from," Schwartz said, according to The New Orleans Times-Picayune.  "Wayne graded out at 90 to 95 percent in every game but one this year, and he graded at 89 percent in the other.  I've got the grade cards to prove it.  You tell me where the guy lacked productivity.  This non-productivity claim is fiction.  I think it's from the Wizard of Oz."

 

G.M. Mickey Loomis denies that anyone has asked Gandy to reduce his pay.  "I haven't done that.  I don't know where that story came from."

 

Bottom line -- someone is either lying or stupid.  Or both.

 

Objectively speaking, the Saints have a clear reason to be looking for ways to reduce the cap numbers of players with multiple years left on their contracts.  The team is only $1.5 million under the 2005 salary cap with a rookie pool of $3.6 million.  Also, running back Deuce McCallister wants a big-money long-term deal, and cornerbacks Mike McKenzie and Fahkir Brown are looking for new contracts.  

 

Besides, why would Gandy's camp be claiming that the Saints are trying to squeeze him to take a haircut if it isn't true?  The only possible explanation would be that Gandy is attempting to provoke a release so that he could sign somewhere else.  But who else is gonna pay $5.25 million for a 34-year-old left tackle at this stage of the offseason -- especially when Ross Verba is still looking for that $35 million contract he demanded in Cleveland?

 

Our guess is that the Saints aren't being truthful about this one, in the hopes of avoiding the perception locally that the notoriously cheap Tom Benson is looking to keep money in his pocket at a time when Looziana officials are scrambling to come up with a $15 million subsidy payment due to the team in roughly three weeks.

 

EAGLES DENY CONVERSATION WITH ROSENHAUS

 

In response to a recent claim by agent Drew Rosenhaus, who represents receiver Terrell Owens, that Rosenhaus recently spoke to Eagles coach Andy Reid by phone, the team insists that there is no "dialogue" between Reid and Rosenhaus.

 

Said Rosenhaus:  "I called Andy and talked to him.  I mention this because I think people have the sense that I don't have a professional dialogue with him. It's not like he and I don't have a dialogue."

 

According to The Philadelphia Inquirer, the Eagles were "deeply irritated" by the characterization of a phone call that Rosenhaus recently made to Reid.  

 

"Drew called Andy on his cell," a team official said.  "Andy didn't realize it was Drew and he answered the phone.

 

"There's no discussion, there's no change, there's no dialogue," the official said.

 

The Eagles have refused to engage in any discussions aimed at restructuring the seven-year contract of T.O., which was signed in March 2004.

 

WEDNESDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

Redskins S Sean Taylor gave a voluntary statement to prosecutors on Tuesday in the hopes that charges against him will be dropped; he claimed that he didn't have a gun at the time he allegedly pointed one at two men (but couldn't anyone charged with a gun crime merely claim he didn't have a gun, especially where there's no allegation that the gun was fired?).

 

The judge has dismissed one of two felony charges against Ravens LB Terrell Suggs; the dismissed charge carried a mandatory prison sentence.

 

Tampa has excused OT Todd Steussie from an ongoing mandatory minicamp; Steussie is expected to be released soon.

 

Bob Smizik of The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette takes a great look at the decision of Myron Cope to call it quits as color commentator for Steelers' radio broadcasts.

 

Ricky is back in South Florida.

 

The Chiefs are bringing in a four-pack of potential toaster pastries.

 

Bucs OT Kenyatta Walker is still with the team, despite persistent rumors that he's getting the boot.

 

Titans LT Brad Hopkins has slimmed down to 279 pounds, which for an offensive linemen is downright Flockhartish (whatever happened to that underfed platypus, anyway?).

 

Tampa CB Ronde Barber isn't happy with his contract, but doesn't plan to engage in a holdout.

 

The Eagles have dumped CB Domonique Dunbar, signed last month as a rookie free agent.

 

Jags coach Jack Del Rio is looking for a few good homers in the Jacksonville media.

 

["Oh, no!  I gotta root for a team with a coach who's dumber than me?"]

 

The Pats signed RB/KR Chad Morton to a one-year, $600,000 contract, with up to $600,000 more available in incentives.

 

Tampa coach Jon Gruden is getting even more paranoid as he tries to rebuild the roster for the second time in his tenure.

 

The Titans have moved QB Marcus Randall to defensive back, leaving them with five quarterbacks on the roster.

 

The Seahawks have signed seventh-round OL Doug Nienhuis.

 

The Chiefs have a tomahawk in their pockets for P Dusty Colquitt.

 

Newly-signed WR Johnnie Morton thinks that the Niners are ready to get back to winning more than a handful of football games per year:  "They're going to turn it around," Morton said.  "Just walking around that building today, and talking to people, you can feel the positive energy.  It's in the air.  They feel that it's time to do things the right way.''

 

The Bucs have no idea who their kicker will be.

 

Before QB Craig Krenzel takes any more shots at the Bears, he should consider the fact that his quarterback rating in 2004 was 52.5, which is 1.2 points lower than the quarterback rating of the Medicine Woman.

 

The doctor of a Nebraka man who dropped 573 pounds following gastric bypass surgery says that the patient has "lost two NFL offensive linemen" (and they both have a shot at starting at tackle for the Texans). 

 

POSTED 7:02 p.m. EDT; UPDATED 7:58 p.m. EDT, June 21, 2005

 

MORGAN FEELING "SENSE OF URGENCY"

 

Panthers linebacker Dan Morgan, whose contract expires after this season,  feels a "sense of urgency" to get an extension completed.

"Obviously we've talked several times and exchanged some proposals, but we're not close to getting a deal done at this point," said agent Drew Rosenhaus, according to The Charlotte Observer.

"There is a sense of urgency at this point; anytime a player is entering the last year of his contract, there is a sense of urgency," Rosenhaus added.  "You try to get a deal done before training camp, because once that starts, the player's tendency is to focus more on football.  So this is definitely a very important time because you don't want to miss that window of opportunity."

Possible transation -- if Morgan doesn't get paid soon, he might shut down talks until after the 2005 season.  And, at that point, Morgan might look to move on.

"Dan very much wants to stay with the Panthers; that's one of the goals," Rosenhaus said. "But I've seen a lot of great players decide to move on once they get into free agency; I've represented a number of them, players like Jevon Kearse and Warren Sapp."

The Observer reports that Rosenhaus is looking for a contract worth an average of $3 million to $4 million a year.  Morgan will make a total of $919,000 in salary and a workout bonus this year.

 

Though Rosenhaus has been lambasted in many circles for his involvement in high-profile holdouts, no one has mentioned the "H" word in connection with Morgan.  

 

And we doubt that any of the media outlets who have ripped Rosenhaus will acknowledge that, in this case, his high-profile client isn't staying away from the team in order to leverage a new deal.

 

One intriguing twist in this regard is that Morgan recently switched to Rosenhaus from Tom Condon of IMG.  Like many of the agents whose players have made the move to Rosenhaus, we hear that Condon is pissed at the development.  Unlike those other agents, Condon has the juice with the NFLPA to prompt the union to take action, by virtue of his representation of Executive Director Gene Upshaw.

 

In Drew's defense (and Rosenhaus hardly needs us -- or anyone -- to be his advocate), he's smart enough to know that Condon has the connections to make charges of tortious interference stick.  Thus, our guess is that Rosenhaus said or did nothing that would give credence to any argument that he improperly recruited Morgan while he was under contract with Condon. 

 

MORTON LANDS IN NOCAL

 

As recently suggested in this here space, receiver Johnnie Morton has joined the San Francisco 49ers.

 

Morton, a former first-round pick from USC who still resides in Southern California, signed a two-year deal with San Fran.  Terms are not yet available.

 

Morton spent eight seasons with the Lions and three with the Chiefs.  He was released earlier this month after declining the team's offer of a one-year deal for the veteran minimum.  

 

Morton likely will press Arnaz Battle and Brandon Lloyd for a spot in the starting lineup.  Morton already has been added to the team's depth chart in the spot behind Lloyd.

 

TUESDAY NIGHT ONE-LINERS

 

The Bears have inked second-round WR Mark Bradley to a five-year deal; he's the first 2005 draft pick selected in the first three rounds to come to terms.

 

Yoi, and bon voyage -- legendary Steelers broadcaster is retiring after 35 years on the team's radio broadcasts.

 

Chiefs S Eric Crouch was fired (before he could quit . . . again).

 

The Browns have told QB Doug Johnson that he'll be the primary backup to starter Trent Dilfer.

 

The Browns dropped a half-dozen turds on Monday.

 

WR Az Hakim has officially joined the Saints (we think).

 

The Bengals have dumped LB Khalid Abdullah and DT Terrance Martin.

 

Bob DiCesare of The Buffalo News questions whether LT Mike Gandy will get it done for the Bills.

 

Redskins S Andre Lott has a hairline fracture below his knee, but he's expected to be ready for training camp.

 

The Dolphins have signed DT Reggie Rhodes, possibly in an effort to get other teams to think they won't select Manuel Wright in the supplemental draft.

 

The Pack have agreed to terms with sixth-round DE Michael Montgomery.

 

Bengals QB Craig Krenzel takes a shot or two at the Bears, who released him last week after burning a fifth-round choice on the former Buckeye in 2004.

 

Just how patriotic is it for the Patriots to offer a web site translation into the language of choice for the last significant bastion of communism?

 

The Jags open training camp on July 29 (and WR Moonshine Jones will be injured by July 30).

 

POSTED 6:10 a.m. EDT, June 21, 2005

 

TAYLOR CHARGES MIGHT BE DROPPED

 

David Elfin of The Washington Times reports that prosecutors in Florida might drop felony weapons and battery charges against Redskins safety Sean Taylor.

 

Taylor allegedly pulled a gun on two guys he suspected of stealing his all-terrain vehicles, and Taylor allegedly punched one of the men after leaving and returning to the scene.  A man with Taylor allegedly went after the suspected ATV thieves with a baseball bat.

 

"I don't think that the state will continue with the charges against Sean," said defense lawyer Edward Carhart said.  "The state's attorney told me that his mind was open.  I hope to present some evidence to him before Friday that will demonstrate that Sean is the victim in this case.  I'm convinced that Sean's story is true.  I've talked to witnesses.  I'm pretty convinced that there was no gun or baseball bat in Sean's car."

 

Okay, so we don't expect the mouthpiece getting paid big coin per hour to publicly declare that he thinks Taylor did it.  But if Carhart can persuade prosecutors that he'll be able to inject plenty of reasonable doubt into the case, the prosecutors might decide to walk away from a high-profile case that very well could end up in an acquittal.

 

So, in the end, whether Taylor did it is irrelevant.  Whether the prosecution thinks that they can prove it beyond a reasonable doubt is the real issue, and it's possible that the persons on whom Taylor allegedly pulled a gun are even bigger thugs and/or turds that Taylor, which will make it very hard for the prosecution to persuade the jury to accept their versions of the events.

 

Nunyo Demasio of The Washington Post reports that prosecutor Mike Grieco won't make a final decision on whether to proceed until after the standard pre-filing conference with Carhart and Taylor.

 

Taylor is scheduled to be arraigned on Friday.

 

TUESDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

Drew Rosenhaus departed temporarily from his no-comment policy regarding T.O. by stating that the agent recently has spoken with Eagles coach Andy Reid:  "I mention this because I think people have the sense that I don't have a professional dialogue with him.  It's not like he and I don't have a dialogue."

 

Titans CB Pacman Jones shrugs at the NFL's renewed enforcement of the no-touchy rule.

 

The Bucs could have five new starters on the offensive line in 2005 (and with five more new starters on offense, the team just might have a chance to improve).

 

Are you a former high-profile player who's feeling more forgotten and/or unwanted than James J. Braddock?  Be patient -- the Redskins eventually will be calling.  

 

The Bucs have poop-canned senior director of business administration Mike Newquist, who had been with the organization since 1997.

 

Titans S Donnie Nickey hardly sounded apologetic for a helmet-to-helmet hit that left rookie WR Courtney Robey feeling a little woozy:  "I am just trying to make a play.  I am tired of some people saying, 'Just let them catch the ball if they are in the air.'  Well, if you do that so many times . . . ."

 

From the "Guess The Gruden Expletive" file, the Tampa coach had this to say about the mindset of the 23,000 who attended the team's Fan Fest earlier this month:  "They're mad as [bleep] about last year."  (Did they bleep "hell"?  Surely they didn't bleep "hell" . . . . )

 

Sprint reportedly is on the verge of signing a long-term sponsorship deal with the NFL.

 

Vikes owner Triple Word Score Wilf now wants to bring a Major League Soccer team to the Twin Cities (and any of the guys on the squad would be instant candidates to take over kicking duties for the local NFL team).

 

Looziana officials are scrambling to make a promised $15 million subsidy payment to Saints owner Tom Benson by July 15 (and we'd give it all to him in pennies, like Kramer buying calzones at Paesano's).

 

Sean Taylor's agent, Drew Rosenhaus, suggests that the 'Skins were willing to prop up the rookie contract that got Taylor's former agents fired:  "I had discussions with the Redskins immediately before the offseason about augmenting Sean's deal, and the Redskins were willing to make some concessions.  So we have an issue with the contract.  Sean's deal is very substandard."  


Deposed Niners media guy Kirk Reynolds is a finalist for the "Rozelle Award," which is distributed each year by the Pro Footbal Writers of America to the top P.R. staff in the league.

 

Jody Foldesy of The Washington Times takes a compelling look Redskins strength and conditioning coach John Hastings, 40, who suffered from liver disease for 30 years before getting a new liver in May 2004.

 

POSTED 7:45 p.m. EDT, June 20, 2005

 

THE REAL DEAL ON HAKIM

 

We've heard from multiple league sources more details regarding the events that resulted in Az Hakim's short-term stay in K.C., and we think that we've finally pieced together the relevant events.

 

First, we're told that Hakim did in fact sign a contract, which was submitted to the NFL Management Council for approval.  The deal was intended to take advantage of the salary cap exception that allows veterans to be paid a set minimum with a reduced cap charge, but there were one or more problematic terms.

 

So when the deal was rejected by the Management Council, Hakim hit the road for New Orleans.

 

Second, a source close to the action tells us that, although Hakim was at Chiefs practice last Wednesday, he didn't actually participate.  Thus, the team apparently will be subject to no league scrutiny for this incident.

 

With all that said, the Chiefs still come out of this with a little pemmican on their faces.  They never should announced that Hakim had verbally agreed to a contract, and they shouldn't have had him at practice -- standing around or otherwise -- until Az's package was approved.

 

MONDAY NIGHT ONE-LINERS

 

The Bengals have claimed QB Craig Krenzel off of waivers from the Bears.

 

The Chargers will try to place their efforts to finagle a new stadium on the ballot in 2006.

 

Rookies David Pollack and Odell Thurman have nailed down two of the three starting linebacker positions in Cincy.

 

From the "Reason Du Jour Why This Team Pretty Much Sucks Every Year" file, Bengals coach Marvin Lewis places way too much of a burden on rookies to ensure that they get signed in time for training camp:  "Their job is to get signed, because they can't participate in training camp until they get signed.  It's their job to push forward our people and their representation to get their contracts finished."

 

The NFL Network will air 55 preseason games in 25 days.

 

There's a feeling in the Bengals' locker room of "playoffs or bust" (or, in the case of the Bungles, "playoffs or . . . the same result that we've all grown accustomed to for the past 15 years").

 

The Browns have added QB Doug Johnson.

 

Bengals RB Chris Perry, a first-rounder in 2004, says he hasn't heard the whispers that he's a bust (in that case, he's both a bust and legally deaf).

 

The Bills have a chicken wing in their pockets for WR Roscoe Parrish.

 

From the "No Sh-t, Norm Chow" file, the Titans won't carry six quarterbacks into camp.

 

On Broncos.com, you can "Ask Cindy Galloway A Question!"  (Question No. 1:  Who the hell is Cindy Galloway?)

 

The Packers have signed seventh-round G William Whitticker.

 

The Ravens have signed OT Dante Ellington, who tips the scales at 354 pounds.

 

POSTED 6:05 a.m. EDT, June 20, 2005

 

KING CARL CRITICIZED FOR HAKIM MOVE


Though we're still waiting for more information as to whether the Chiefs' decision to allow receiver Az Hakim to practice last Wednesday when he had not yet signed a contract will draw scrutiny from the NFL, several league insiders are sounding off about the situation.

 

And they're pointing a finger directly at G.M. Carl Peterson.

 

"How in the f--k do u let a guy practice who doesn't have a contract?" said one league source.  "And why announce a verbal thing?  Get it done.  Have the thing signed."  

 

Another league source offered this opinion:  "Carl Peterson does not give a sh-t about league rules.  He is the biggest cry baby in the world when another team does something wrong but he is always screwing [up] something."

 

Apparently, however, the Chiefs and King Carl have learned their lesson.  Receiver Freddie Mitchell's one-year deal won't be delivered to the league until Monday.  As a result, he was present at Sunday's final session of the offseason merely as a spectator.

 

As to Hakim, the decision to allow him to practice without having a contract signed is a violation of league rules -- unless the activities occurred on a tryout basis with prior league approval.

 

MONDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

Chiefs CB Julian Battle is out for the year with a torn Achilles' tendon, and the team is now scrambling for a cornerback who can get burned on a weekly basis by the opponents' No. 2 receiver.

 

The Washington Post takes a look at the efforts of Redskins coach Joe Gibbs to bring his outdated offensive attack in tune with the times.

 

The Washington Times takes a look at the team's options for replacing middle linebacker Antonio Pierce.

 

Redskins LB LaVar Arrington recently began a running program, and has yet to experience any swelling in his chronically injured right knee.

 

Speedy Redskins KR Antonio Brown could be in line for some snaps on offense.

 

Redskins defensive coordinator Gregg Williams is still a supporter of embattled S Sean Taylor:  "He is the best athlete I've ever coached at any level and it's not even close.  Ability alone doesn't make you a great player. He's a good teammate, too -- when he's here.  He just needs to be here."  (Without any guns or other weapons, that is.)

 

Steelers long snapper Mike Schneck protects his football-spinning meat hooks in the offseason; "My wife put something down the garbage disposal a couple months ago and she wanted me to go down there and get it. I said, I'm not putting my hands down the garbage disposal."  (Does he also wear oven mitts in public, a la hand model George Costanza?)

 

The Bengals are hoping that the development of QB Carson Palmer will finally lead the team to its first postseason appearance in the era of supposed parity.

 

Dolphins DT Tim Bowens isn't ruling out a possible return to the NFL in 2006. 

 

Redskins CB Shawn Springs describes the medallion purchased by CB Fred Smoot after he received his signing bonus from the Vikings:  "The state of Mississippi, in gold," Springs said.  "I told him he looks like Austin Powers."

 

The Packers had gross revenues of $200 million in 2004, and net revenues of $25.4 million.

 

POSTED 1:07 p.m. EDT, June 19, 2005

 

CHIEFS IN HOT WATER OVER HAKIM?

 

Stranger than the fact that receiver Az Hakim spurned the Chiefs in favor of the Saints is the fact that Hakim actually practiced with Kansas City on Wednesday.

 

Although the quotes and quips flowing from Hakim's presence for the Chiefs' final involuntary voluntary session of the offseason clearly indicated that Hakim was now a member of the team, he hadn't actually signed a contract yet.

 

So what was he doing on the practice field?

 

Per a league source, a player who is not under contract cannot practice with the team.  The only exception applies where the player participates on a tryout basis, with league approval.

 

We're presently trying to find out whether the Chiefs intended Hakim's presence on Wednesday to be only a "tryout," and whether they had indeed secured advance approval from the league.  If not, the folks in the league office might be interested in having a little powwow with Dickie V. and company.

 

Meanwhile, the Chiefs have replaced Hakim with former Eagles receiver Freddie Mitchell.

 

Freddie Mitchell?  Please.

 

"I think anytime you get a fresh start, it’s good and he’ll start fresh,” Vermeil said.  

 

Okay, coach.  Under that logic, why not sign Koren Robinson?   

 

Vermeil then suggested that Mitchell's problems in Philly traced only to his relationship with one person, presumably quarterback Donovan McNabb.

"He really only had problems in Philadelphia with one guy, not the team," Vermeil said.  "That happens from time to time.  [Eagles coach] Andy Reid assured me he’s a good guy, and we thought he was a good guy when he came out and he'll fit in nicely."

We don't see Mitchell fitting in anywhere.  His pre-Super Bowl comments made it obvious to everyone that he possesses a dangerous mixture of arrogance, ignorance, and self-absorption.

 

Everyone, that is, except the Chiefs.

 

HEAP NOT WORTH THE COIN?

 

In the handful of days since the Ravens announced the signing of tight end Todd Heap to a lucrative long-term deal, several league sources have opined that although Heap is a solid player, his history of injuries and his lack of high-end performance on a consistent basis don't justify that kind of investment.

 

"He seems to have a low pain threshold," said one league source.  "He's always nicked."

 

The bigger problem, as we see it, is that the Ravens might have invested too much in a position that hasn't been a focal point for the offense.  Even if new offensive coordinator Jim Fassel plans to make Heap the go-to guy, there are too many players on the roster who want to get paid, and who arguably deserve far bigger pieces of cap pie than Heap.

 

And with Jamal Lewis and Ed Reed and Ray Lewis all angling for new big-money deals, the Ravens could be setting themselves up for another tour of cap purgatory.

 

DEMASIO SAYS HE'S NOT TRYING TO HELP THE 'SKINS

 

On Friday, we questioned whether Nunyo Demasio of The Washington Post was throwing a bone to the 'Skins by writing that former scout Trent Baalke was responsible for the background check performed on confirmed turd Sean Taylor -- and by kinda-sorta implying that Baalke was dumped by the team for his role in the selection of Taylor.

 

As we reported, Baalke conducted the background check . . . and he had recommended that the team refrain from taking Taylor with the fifth overall pick in the draft.

 

We heard from Demasio Friday night.  He said in an e-mail that his reference to Baalke's role in the Taylor background check was indeed a "throwaway line," which was not intended to suggest or imply that the team was blaming Baalke for the Taylor mess.

 

Demasio told us that he initially thought that Baalke's departure might have been related to Taylor.  But Demasio later learned that Baalke wanted out, and that Baalke had a connection with the 49ers, for whom he now works.

 

In fact, Demasio says that a couple of officials within the Redskins organization were unhappy with his reference to Baalke's role in the Taylor investigation, which in Demasio's opinion proves that he wasn't trying to get in the team's good graces.

 

We'll accept Demasio's version of the events.  Thus, it looks like the 'Skins weren't trying to pin the Taylor fiasco on Baalke -- and that The Post isn't trying to repair its relationship with the team by carrying its water.

 

POSTED 9:44 a.m. EDT; UPDATED 10:58 a.m. EDT, June 18, 2005

 

FINS HAVE FOUND THEIR MR. WRIGHT

 

A league source tells us that the Miami Dolphins fully intend to select USC defensive tackle Manuel Wright in the July 14 supplemental draft.

 

Wright, who played sparingly during his time in SoCal, has drawn interest from Miami, Philly, and Cincinnati.  

 

Wright is six-foot-five and weighs 320 pounds.  He has scored a 17 on the Wonderlic test, and he works out for scouts on July 8.  

 

The Dolphins arguably have the greatest need at Wright's position, especially for the future.  Tim Bowens is done, Larry Chester is a half-step behind him, and Keith Traylor are Jeff Zgonina are 35.  Other defensive tackles on the roster are Dario Romero, rookie seventh-rounder Kevin Vickerson, Josh Shaw, and rookie free agent Orrin Thompson.

 

Free-agent acquisition Kevin Carter arguably could move inside, since he played the position in Tennessee.  But the plan for now is for Carter to stay at defensive end.

 

The real question here is how high the Fins are willing to go in order to ensure that Manuel will labor in South Florida.  Most view him as a third-round or fourth-round prospect.  The supplemental draft, however, uses a goofy lottery-based procedure, which has certain elements of a smoke-filled poker game in the back room at Fat Tony's.

 

Like Georgia Tech running back Tony Hollings a year ago, for whom the Texans burned a No. 2 in order to beat out the Cowboys, our guess is that the Fins might have to use a second-round pick in order to trump interested teams.  Still, we'd be shocked to see Miami -- or anyone -- take Wright in round one, since the use of a supplemental pick forfeits that pick, from that same round, in next April's draft.  

 

JAGS WANT FAT ALBERT TO START FASTING

 

Word out of the 'Ville is that the Jaguars want quarterback Byron "Fat Albert" Leftwich to quit devouring so many vittles.

 

Listed a six-foot-five and 245 pounds, we think that the accurate number is at least 260, perhaps more.  

 

We've continuously reported that some in the organization would prefer to give the ball to backup David Garrard, who coincidentally signed a three-year extension shortly before the draft.  

 

With the team now installing a vertical-based passing game under the tutelage for former USC quarterbacks coach Carl Smith, Leftwich will need periodically to buy a little time for himself to enable his receivers to get free, even when operating out of the shotgun.  To make that happen, he needs to be a little more mobile.  To be a little more mobile, there needs to be a little less of him.

 

And there is, was, and always will be a big difference between Leftwich and Daunte Culpepper, Minnesota's oversized signal-caller.  Culpepper is big all over with more muscle than fat, and he can run like a bull and move like a ballerina when necessary.  Leftwich is a rocket arm wrapped in baby fat, and he moves like he's got a load of last night's dinner in his pants.  

 

Besides, any time a brand-new offense is getting installed, there's a chance (however small) that the No. 2 guy will figure it out quicker and execute it better than the previous starter.

 

We're not predicting -- yet -- that Garrard will unseat Leftwich.  But if Byron doesn't back off from the biscuits between now and the opening of training camp, he could be setting the tone for an eventual benching, especially if the Jags can't parlay recent upgrades into more wins and less losses.

 

MORE ON MORTON

 

We questioned on Friday afternoon whether former Chiefs receiver Johnnie Morton properly gauged the market before rejecting the team's $1.1 million offer for 2005, with up to $500,000 in incentives.

 

A league source has told us, however, that the team's actual offer was for the one-year minimum salary.

 

So unlike former Ravens linebacker Peter Boulware (who walked away from a $2 million salary without finding out what other teams would pay) or former Browns offensive tackle Ross Verba (who forced his way out from under a $3 million-plus deal and has drawn little interest since), Morton really didn't need to look around, since the Chiefs weren't putting any more on the table than what Morton would get if/when another team signs him.

 

And we're hearing that Morton's eventual destination likely will be San Francisco.  The Niners gradually are rebuilding the roster, and Morton would help shore up a receiving depth chart that is missing Derrick Hamilton, the projected No. 3 receiver who tore and ACL several weeks back.

 

JONES POISED FOR A MONSTER YEAR

 

Word out of Big D is that the Cowboys expect second-year tailback Julius Jones to have a monster season.

 

Jones, we're told, is "way ahead" of where he was a year ago, and he's looking poised to pick up where he left off at the end of his rookie season. After missing much of the 2004 campaign with a shoulder injury, the younger brother of Bears tailback Thomas Jones rushed for 803 yards in seven games -- which projects to more than 1,800 yards over a full season.

 

The only catch is that those 803 yards came on 192 carries.  That's more than 27 carries per game, and 438 for the year.

 

The current record for rushing attempts in a season is 410, set by Jamal Anderson in 1998. 

 

The impediment to putting up that many touches is durability.  Can Jones, or anyone, take the pounding associated with 27 or more carries a game?

 

More importantly (from Jones' perspective) is whether getting hit that many times over 17 games in four months will limit the number of years that he can play pro football.  

 

The simple reality, however, is that whether Jones plays five years, eight years, or 13 years has no relevance to Cowboys coach Bill Parcells, who surely wants to ride out of Dallas with another Lombardi.

 

And the Tuna's chances of bagging one would be improved significantly if Jones can run for 1800-plus yards on 400-plus carries.

 

HAMBRICK CONSIDERED A CANCER

 

Shifting the focus from the most recent successor to Emmitt Smith to the guy who initially followed him in Dallas, we're hearing that there's a growing consensus in the Cardinals locker room that tailback Troy Hambrick should get the heave-ho.

 

Hambrick has skipped the team's offseason workouts, which standing alone should be enough to secure his release -- especially in light of coach Denny Green's no-nonsense, you're-with-us-or-my-foot's-in-your-ass approach.

 

But if/when Green makes the move, the players won't be upset.  The feeling among some of Hambrick's teammates is that "all he does is bitch and whine and he thinks he's better than he is."

 

Even if Hambrick had been part of the program over the past few months, he'd likely have trouble landing higher than No. 3 on the depth chart.  Holdover Marcel Shipp and rookie J.J. Arrington are battling it out for the top spot, and the guy who isn't the starter still figures to be a big part of the rotation.

 

So even if Hambrick doesn't get dumped, we've got a strong feeling that he'll be spending most of his time watching the action from the sidelines.

 

KRENZEL STILL WANTS TO PLAY

 

Earlier this week, we took a look at the decision of the Bears to release quarterback Craig Krenzel, which followed a decision by Krenzel not to accept the team's invitation to spend the offseason playing in Europe.

 

After making a throwaway crack that Krenzel would now be relegated to washing cars, we were reminded via a flood of e-mails that Krenzel had rendered the phrase student-athlete nonoxymoronic -- and that he'll land of his feet if his NFL career is indeed over.

 

More recently, we've heard from Krenzel's agent, Neil Cornrich, regarding the matter.  Cornrich contends that Krenzel, who finished the year on injured reserve, had not sufficiently recovered from a high ankle sprain to compete in Europe.

 

A league source with knowledge of Krenzel's situation, however, tells us that Krenzel was indeed ready and able to play when the NFL Europe players convened for their annual Florida training camps.

 

Cornrich also told us that Krenzel does not plan to abandon the game of football.  After reminding us that Krenzel was 3-0 in his first three starts, Cornrich said, "Craig loves the game and is looking forward to playing in the National Football League for as long as possible."

 

As to whether Krenzel's career will continue in a city other than Chicago, Cornrich says that "[t]here appears to be some interest."

 

There would be more interest, in our view, if Krenzel had gone to Europe.  For a quarterback, the key to long-term success is to get as many game reps as possible.  If, for example, Kurt Warner hadn't spent so much time playing in the AFL or NFL Europe, he might never have become the guy that he was for a couple of years at the turn of the millennium.  

 

So if Krenzel plans to milk his pro football career for all it's worth before using his brains (or whatever is left of them at that point) to earn his living, he needs to pounce on opportunities to improve.   

 

SATURDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

WR Az-Zahir Hakim-ed a loogey on the Chiefs Friday, bolting from a verbal deal and heading (apparently) to the Saints, who made an offer on Friday.

 

RB Ricky Williams will be asking the league for reinstatement, and he might be permitted to come back in time for the opening of training camp.

 

Redskins coach Joe Gibbs 'splains that he excused S Sean Taylor from this weekend's mandatory minicamp in order to minimize distractions (such as someone getting shot).

 

The potential for distractions ain't going nowhere, however, since Florida officials have decided to prosecute Taylor on felony charges.

 

Chiefs CB Eric Warfield unexpectedly has been pulled from his starting job, and Warfield was replaced by Julian Battle.

 

Ravens coach Brian Billick suggested that the players treat the next six weeks as a working vacation, in order to stay in shape (if he's lucky, maybe some of them will end up in jail or a halfway house).

 

Bengals DE Duane Clemons showed up for a mandatory minicamp after skipping all of the involuntary voluntary sessions; he says that he worked out on his own and pursued other business interests (which, if he's smart, included the other business interests that he plans to pursue as early as, say, September 2005).

 

Redskins OT Jon Jansen expressed gratitude to video director Larry Michael for the team's three-day break from practice, since it was Michael's footage, posted on the team's web site, that resulted in the loss of a trio of practice sessions.

 

The 'Skins have made some front-office hires (and until one of those hires is a strong G.M. with a lifetime contract, nothing will change).

 

The Packers now have six tight ends on the roster, none of whom is named "Franks" . . . or "Chmura."

 

The 'Skins are trying to boost QB Patrick Ramsey's psyche (not drafting Jason Campbell in round one might have been a good place to start).

 

From the "If It Ain't Broke, Don't Rest It" file, the Chiefs have instructed QB Trent Green to not throw during a weekend minicamp, even though he has no injury (supposedly).

 

POSTED 3:00 p.m. EDT, June 17, 2005

 

MORTON DIDN'T GAUGE THE MARKET?

 

As former Chiefs receiver Johnnie Morton continues to troll for a new contract with a new team, we're hearing that before being cut he turned down a proposal in Kansas City that would have paid him $1.1 million this year, with up to $500,000 in incentives.

 

The problem now is that no one is interested in giving him anything close to that.

 

So why didn't Morton stay put?  Like former Ravens linebacker and, apparently, former Browns offensive tackle Ross Verba, Morton's agent didn't engage in a wink-nod effort to figure out what the market would bear for a guy who once was a first-round pick . . . in 1994.

 

Our guess is that it's hard for a guy to project gratitude when he's faced with a $1.9 million hair cut off of his $3 million salary.  But players in such situations shouldn't focus on what their teams don't want to pay, but what they do.

 

The simple reality in Morton's case seems to be that no one wants to cough up the kind of coin that he could have gotten by staying put.

 

VERBA'S $35 MILLION PAY DAY COMING?

 

Speaking of Ross Verba, he had said that he wanted a five-year, $35 million deal, either from the Browns or another organization.

 

We've heard that there's at least one team willing to give him a $35 million contract.

 

The deal would break down as follows:

 

1.  Minimum salary in year one;

 

2.  Minimum salary in year two;

 

3.  the rest of it in years three, four, and five.

 

Of course, Verba would be cut before year three.

 

RUSKELL TO GET HIS KNUCKLES KNOCKED?

 

We posted a one-liner earlier on Friday regarding the fact that the Seahawks have given camcorders to each of the four players who had perfect attendance in the team's offseason program.

 

The Seattle Post-Intelligencer reports that the reward was the idea of team president Tim Ruskell.

 

There's a problem with that, however.

 

It's a salary cap infraction.

 

As a league source told us on Friday afternoon, a team "can't reward players with anything of monetary value that's not in a contract."

The source predicts that Ruskell and the Seahawks will hear from the league.

POSTED 12:00 p.m. EDT, June 17, 2005

 

POST THROWING A BONE TO THE 'SKINS?

 

It's a throwaway comment at the bottom of the "notes" portion of Nunyo Demasio's Friday report, but it suggests that The Washington Post might be carrying a little fire water for the Redskins in the hopes of getting back in the team's good graces.

 

Specifically, Demasio says that former 'Skins scout Trent Baalke, who has taken a similar gig in San Fran, "oversaw" the background check performed on safety Sean Taylor, the fifth overall pick in the 2004 draft.

 

Though Demasio adds an obligatory "sources don't believe the change was related to Taylor," the implicit message to the average fan is that Baalke got booted for screwing up the research on a guy who has been a continuous screw-up since joining the organization.

 

As it turns out, Baalke did indeed oversee the background check.  

 

And he advised the team NOT to draft Taylor.

 

We're hardly surprised to learn that there was a split of opinion in the organization regarding Taylor.  We heard last year that V.P. of player personnel (or whatever in the hell his title is) Vinny Cerrato was telling people that he wanted to draft Kellen Winslow instead.

 

But it's odd, in our view, to see that the newspaper currently on the outs with the 'Skins is willing to permit the team to take a few liberties with, you know, the truth.

 

The truth, of course, is that someone(s) in the organization ignored Baalke's advice, and that that someone(s) is/are now looking for a little cover as Taylor's career potentially disintegrates.

 

POSTED 9:26 a.m. EDT, June 17, 2005

 

COWHER PLANNING TO KNOCK BEN DOWN A PEG

 

Word around the league is that Steelers coach Bill Cowher plans to get "into the ass" of Ben Roethlisberger during training camp in an effort to knock the quarterback down by a peg or two.

 

As one league source said, the overriding hope is that "some of that air will be let out of [Roethlisberger's] f--king zeppelin head."

 

We recently reported that Roethlisberger is causing some concern in the 'Burgh with his propensity to engage in sound bite battles with Coach Chin.  They've debated whether he had broken toes during the AFC title game loss to the Pats, and they've more recently sparred regarding Ben's decision to ride a motorcycle sans helmet.

 

(Borrowing from an old Seinfeld bit, does it make sense to force a head to protect itself where that head is too stupid to figure out on its own that it needs to protect itself?)

 

Anyway, look for Roethlisberger to get a rude awakening from the guy who has been coaching the Steelers since Ben was ten years old.  With seven months to break down tape from his stellar rookie season, opposing defenses will be prepared to confuse and frustrate Roethlisberger all season long, so it makes sense for Cowher to confuse and frustrate him as much as possible, as soon as possible.

 

JACOBS TURNING HEADS IN MINICAMP

 

A league source tells us that Giants rookie running back Brandon Jacobs has been very impressive in offseason workouts.

 

Jacobs, a fourth-rounder from Southern Illinois, is a "beast . . . a hell of an athlete," said the source.

 

The only problem, for now, is that Jacobs runs too high.  He'll likely lose that habit once the hitting starts.

 

"He's going get whacked like a f-king bowling pin when he tries that sh-t with the pads on," said the source.

 

STEUSSIE SOON TO BE CUT LOOSE?

 

Although June 1 came and went without the Bucs releasing offensive tackle Todd Steussie, it appears that the move is inevitable.

 

According to PewterReport.com, Steussie has skipped the final two weeks of the team's OTAs.

 

Earlier this year, Steussie's name surfaced in connection with a South Carolina doctor who reportedly was dispensing banned substances to multiple members of the Carolina Panthers.  Steussie was a first-round draft pick of the Vikings in 1994.

 

FRIDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

The guys accusing Ravens LB Terrell Suggs of aggravated assault testified on Thursday, and we already can smell the acquittal (no, wait . . . that was just a fart).

 

It looks like all of those teams that passed on QB Aaron Rodgers knew what they were doing; "Something is causing him to have his ball sail," Packers offensive coordinator Tom Rossley said.  "He's high on all of his throws.  He's not really cutting loose, and he's not following through and finishing on the ball."

 

Bucs RB Mike Pittman is trying to re-learn how to keep his hands on the ball (which won't matter, of course, once Cadillac Williams is getting all the touches).

 

The Jets, who lied about the extent of QB Chad Pennington's shoulder injury last season and then admitted it, now admit that they lied last week regarding the extent to which Pennington was throwing again.

 

Giants WR Plaxico Burress has ten days to turn himself in to Virginia Beach authorities before officials begin "searching" for him (they make it sound like the dude is Bigfoot . . . but he ain't nearly that smart).

 

The future of Redskins LB Mike Barrow is still up in the air.

 

Vikes owner Zygi Wilf has no immediate plans to extend the Meathead's contract.

 

The Bucs have signed C/G Chris Watton of the AFL champion Colorado Crush.

 

The Jags have signed seventh-round CB Chris Roberson.

 

Vikes owner Triple Word Score says that he still wants an outdoor stadium, but won't rule out a venue with a roof (or, as in the case of the Metrodome, a double-ply of Glad wrap).

 

The Texans have signed seventh-round LB Kenneth Pettway.

 

Unlike last season, all Giants players will have to take a conditioning test upon the opening of training camp in six weeks (which suggests to us that Jared Lorenzen will go missing again).

 

Every Seahawks player who had perfect attendance for the team's offseason conditioning program received a free camcorder . . . all four of them.

 

In contrast, a whopping 17 Seahawks didn't participate -- for some reason or another -- in the team's final minicamp practice of the offseason.

 

The Fins are close to figuring out their starting offensive line.

 

QB Matt Hasselbeck and his wife will welcome their third child into the world on Friday (Matt, we think you should name the kid Koren).

 

Former Cardinals offensive coordinator Alex Wood calls OT L.J. Shelton a "middle-of-the-pack guy" (hey, Alex, last time we checked, Shelton has an NFL gig . . . and you don't).

 

Agent Vann McElroy plans to call the Titans regarding the possible placement of S Reggie Tongue in Tennessee.

 

USC DT Manuel Wright visits the Eagles on Friday.

 

Vikings RB Michael Bennett ran a 9.91 in the 100 meters during the offseason, which would have been good for a fifth-place finish at the Olympics (where we think that the hierarchy of awards is gold, silver, bronze, copper, and Whizzinator).

 

Giants coach Tom Coughlin scoffs at suggestions that he has lightened up a bit in 2005 (maybe the players are just getting used to him, kind of like the process of lowering the ballsack into a hot bath).

 

The Bengals hope to get off to something better than a 1-4 start this year, which was the team's opening record in both of coach Marvin Lewis' seasons.

 

Unlike a year ago, Cards coach Dennis Green didn't name a starting lineup at the conclusion of offseason workouts.

 

Miami defensive coordinator Richard Smith says he wasn't even a candidate for the gig that no one else wanted until he expressed interest to the Nicktator (maybe it really isn't a good idea that the Fins' assistant coaches be allowed to talk to the media).

 

POSTED 10:18 p.m. EDT, June 16, 2005

 

THURSDAY NIGHT ONE-LINERS


Jets QB Chad Pennington will throw the ball 80 times every other day through the start of training camp, four months after surgery to repair a tear in his rotator cuff that the team initially lied about during the 2004 season.

 

The Titans finally have sh-tcanned S Lance Schulters.

 

The Cards have inked a pair of seventh-round draft picks -- Oklahoma LB Lance Mitchell and IUP WR LeRon McCoy.

 

Chargers LB Carlos Polk has said "adios" to his Achilles'.

 

For the Buffalo Bills, there will be no "training camp" in 2005; instead, it'll be the "Buffalo Bills Bausch & Lomb Training Camp" (future possibilities include the "Indianapolis Colts Smith & Wesson Training Camp," the "San Francisco 49ers Wice-A-Woni Twaining Camp," and/or the "Miami Dolphins Northern Lights & Nutty Bars Training Camp").

 

The Nicktator has temporarily removed the muzzles from several of his assistant coaches.

 

The Fins have signed AFL S Billy Parker and waived G Bobby Meeks.

 

Ravens G.M. Ozzie Newsome is expected to serve as a character witness in the criminal trial of LB Terrell Suggs (yeah, and Newsome's testimony will be completely unbiased and neutral, since there's no downside whatsoever for Newsome if Suggs becomes the newest addition to the Mean Machine).

 

CB Joseph Jefferson most likely will take Mike Doss' place for the first two games of the 2005 season.

 

Chiefs coach Dick Vermeil says he's more concerned about keeping the offense at its recent high levels of performance than getting the defense to a high level of play.

 

Rich Cimini of The New York Daily News tells us that, contrary to a report in The New York Post, the Jets did not cut S Reggie Tongue earlier in the offseason; thus, the cap hit will be $275,000 this year and $550,000 next year, as reported Thursday morning by The Daily News.

 

Miami offensive coordinator Scott Linehan says that there is no front runner in the battle for the No. 1 spot on the quarterback depth chart.

 

Zygmunt Wilf hopes to establish a Rooney dynasty in Minneapolis.

 

Tom Gamble is the 49ers' new director of pro personnel.

 

Nunyo Demasio of The Washington Post takes an in-depth look at the mystery wrapped in a handgun known as Sean Taylor.

 

POSTED 5:14 p.m. EDT, June 16, 2005

 

MICHAELS' 20-YEAR MNF RUN TO END

 

Given the announcement that the Maddensnoozer will be rolling to NBC for Sunday night football beginning in 2006, the lingering question is whether Al Michaels will make the switch from ABC to ESPN with MNF, or whether Michaels will stick with Madden and head to NBC.

 

An industry source tells us that there's no way Michaels will work for ESPN, even if it means the end to his 20-year tenure as the play-by-play man on Monday nights.  Michaels hates ESPN, we're told, and ESPN hates Michaels.  Per the source, Michaels instead will join Madden at NBC.

 

Another source tells us that Michaels specifically has said, "I won't work for a four-letter network."

 

But if Michaels makes the move to NBC for the football package, will he still work other sports at ABC?  Although other guys might not be able to pull it off, Michaels has been with ABC for 28 years.  It's hard to imagine the network turning their back on the "Do you believe in miracles?" guy simply because ABC opted not to keep MNF.

 

POSTED 10:49 a.m. EDT; UPDATED 9:14 p.m. EDT, June 16, 2005

 

DEJA VU FOR PLAXICO BU

 

For most, news that a warrant has been issued for the arrest of Giants receiver Plaxico Burress likely will be met with an "oh yeah, that stupid tax thing" reaction.

 

Unfortunately for Burress, there's a fresh warrant for his arrest.  This one has been issued in Virginia, and it's the direct result of the failure of Burress to appear in Court on Wednesday, June 15 in connection with a reckless driving charge.

 

According to The Norfolk (Va.) Virginian-Pilot, Burress was ticketed on May 29 in Virginia Beach, and he signed a summons promising to appear at 9:00 a.m. on June 15 in connection with the charge.

 

Though, like most of these NFL types who can't or won't stay on the right side of the law, Burress likely will get, at worst, a mild slap on the ballsack for his behavior, both the recent Pennsylvania warrant and the current Virginia warrant seem to be the direct result of a failure on Plax's part to pay any attention whatsoever to important official matters.

 

The tax fiasco, we're told, could have been avoided merely if Plax had been forwarding mail he was receiving regarding the situation to the appropriate persons who were in position to take care of the situation.  Although we initially though this more recent mess could have been resolved if Burress had passed it along to his lawyer, who then could have gotten the whole thing taken care of without Burress having to even show up, Virginia Beach attorney Mark Del Duca (brother of sports agent/lawyer Ron Del Duca -- our condolences, Mark) says that Burress himself was required to appear.

 

Why he didn't is, at this point, anybody's guess.

 

POSTED 8:13 a.m. EDT, June 16, 2005

 

BREAKING DOWN HEAP'S "NEW MONEY"  

 

Okay, we'll admit it.  In our haste to get the details on tight end Todd Heap's contract posted at a time when no one else had them, we overlooked one of the key points that we've raised regarding past contract extensions.

 

Specifically, in a deal with one or more years remaining, the signing bonus needs to be considered in light of any reduction to the pre-existing salary.

 

In this case, we're told that Heap gets an initial signing bonus of $4 million and a 2006 roster bonus in the amount of $7 million, for total bonus money of $11 million.

 

But Heap previously was owed $2.52 million in 2005 salary, which was reduced to the minimum of $540,000 as part of the extension.

 

So the total bonus money, as a practical matter, is $9.02 million, with $2.02 million now and $7 million later.  The other thing to keep in mind here is that, if Heap should suffer a career-ending injury in 2005 or resort to some of the behaviors that some of his teammates have manifested (allegedly or otherwise) in the past, the team could walk away next year, but with a $3.2 million cap hit. 

 

Factoring in the 2005 salary that Heap was already set to earn, the new money is $28.02 million over six years.  

 

It appears that Heap's deal still exceeds the value of the contract given to Chiefs tight end Tony Gonzalez in 2002, since Gonzalez already was on the books for his $3.05 million franchise tender.  And although it's possible that Heap's $9.02 million in combined bonus money knocks him out of the top 15 pass-catchers all-time in combined bonus coin, the simple fact is that many of the other receivers who have bagged big boni likely accepted a steeply reduced salaries in the final seasons of their pre-existing deals as well. 

 

We feel stoopid for not recognizing this angle when we first reported Heap's numbers.  But the light bulb often never comes on at all -- we'll take it when it flickers a day or two late.

 

NINERS SAY "ENOUGH" ON THE P.C. THING

 

Players in San Francisco, we're told, are getting very weary of the rash of political correctness that has broken out in the wake of the infamous Kirk Reynolds training video.

 

The players think that the issue is being blown way out of proportion.  

 

Said one source, "You see that kind of sh-t all the time on TV.  F--k 'em if they cant take a joke.  It wasn't meant to be for public viewing.  A lot of stuff goes on in the locker room and complex not meant for the public, just like [in] your own house."

 

Though we've yet to conduct any lesbian weddings in the world headquarters of PFT, we understand the point -- and we agree.  Behind closed doors, people say and do all sorts of things that, if put into the public eye, would create all sorts of consternation.

 

In the Niners' case, a private matter became very public.  Under the circumstances, the fallout over the content of the tape is a no-brainer.

 

But we'll agree with the notion that the media and the P.C. crowd generally haven't considered the tape in context.  And we have a feeling that the controversy will continue to provide an unwanted distraction for the organization, the coaching staff, and the players through training camp and into the regular season -- unless and until the team can change the topic by making the media more interested in video tapes of their on-field performances.    

 

CHESTER ANGLING FOR INJURY SETTLEMENT?


Word out of South Florida is that the Dolphins are convinced that defensive tackle Larry Chester won't be able to make it back from chronic knee problems.

 

The issue, we're told, is that some in the building think that Chester is trying to create the appearance that he can and will make it back, in order to pocket an injury settlement if/when the team decides to cut him loose.

 

Last week, defensive tackle Tim Bowens left the team after accepting the reality that his back won't let him to continue to play.  To address the loss of Bowens and apparent eventual departure of Chester, the team could select USC defensive tackle Manuel Wright in the July 14 supplemental draft.  Wright is visiting Philly on June 16, Cincy on June 17, and he is scheduled to visit the Fins on June 23 and 24.   

 

NEW LAWYER HINTS AT TAYLOR DEFENSE

 

Here's a shocker -- the guy who fired Drew Rosenhaus and then hired Eugene Mato and Jeff Moorad and then fired them and then re-hired Rosenhaus has fired his initial lawyer and hired a new one to defend him against felony charges that could result in a minimum sentence of three years.

 

And Taylor's new lawyer, Edward Carhart, already has hinted that the primary assault on the charges could be that Taylor was acting in self-defense.  

 

"Keep this in mind," Carhart said.  "It may very well be that Sean Taylor is a victim and not actually a defendant.  I don't know if you've ever been shot at but that's not something I'd like to go through."

 

The suggestion that Taylor pulled his gun only after being shot at conflicts with prior reports indicating that the two-phased incident involved shots being fired at Taylor after he had pulled a gun at guys who were suspected of stealing his ATV's. 

 

Carhart's first impression of Taylor?  "He's a nice young man."

 

Taylor's likely first impression of Carhart?  "Hey, you ain't that Mesereau dude."

 

["Michael says he'll agree with my advice that he no longer invite boys to sleep in his bed, but he says he wants us to go to Ikea and buy a really big futon."]

 

THURSDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS  

 

WR Az Hakim was referring to himself in the third person during his first interview as a member of the Chiefs (what he should have been saying, then, is "Az is washed up" or "handle Az with care" or "Az really had trouble finding another job").

 

Zygmunt Wilf's brother Mark will oversee the day-to-day operations of the Vikings (let's get this straight -- Mr. and Mrs. Wilf gave one of their male children a normal name . . . and then they gave the other one a moniker that conjures images of a candy bar).

 

Three will compete to replace S Reggie Tongue in the Jets' starting lineup:  three-year veteran Jon McGraw and rookies Kerry Rhodes and Andre Maddox.

 

Packers coach Mike Sherman, who was stripped of his G.M. gig in January, will retain the play-calling duties he inherited from coordinator Tom Rossley when Rossley missed time with an angioplasty last season.

 

The Lions don't plan to reduce the $1.43 million tender offer to KR Eddie Drummond, even though per league rules they could drop the number to $455,000.

 

The Daily News says that, for dumping S Reggie Tongue, the Jets will swallow a cap hit of $275,000 in 2005 and $550,000 in 2006; this calculation seems to overlook the fact that the team previously cut Tongue to avoid paying him a roster bonus, and then re-signed him.

 

The 'Skins have signed sixth-round LB Jared Newberry.

 

Lions QB Joey Harrington was recently paid a $3 million roster bonus as part of his 2002 roster bonus (and he's earned every penny of it . . . if "sucking" were a desirable statistic).

 

Ravens QB Kyle Boller on the coming season:  "This is my offense.  It's going to be my job this year to rally the guys.  Our passing game has struggled in the past, but that's the past.  We have the future to look forward to.  If I'm not a leader, then we have a problem."  (No, Kyle, you'd have a problem -- the Ravens would still have Anthony Wright, who we think is a lot closer to you on the depth chart than you realize.)

 

Texans sixth-round CB C.C. Brown was excused from Wednesday's minicamp practice so that he could report for National Guard duty; his Mississippi unit potentially could be deployed to Afghanistan.  (Though we respect the guy for serving his country, why does a team toss a draft pick on a guy who might not be available to play?)

 

The Seahawks used a quarterback drill on Wednesday that sounds like a mini-game from Madden 2006 -- they threw an oversized dodge ball at a guy who was moving around in the pocket.

 

Happy belated birthday to the Big Show (and our guess is that, in the same year that he'll blow air on 57 candles, the lights finally will be turned out on his tenure in Seattle).

 

With the proliferation of offseason workouts, it's time for the NFL to take another look at the rule that keeps rookies away until their college class officially graduates.

 

Opening statements were given on Wednesday in the felony assault trial of Ravens LB Terrell Suggs.

 

While carrying water for the Eagles on the T.O. mess, Bob Brookover of The Philadelphia Inquirer says that Owens' only options are to play under the terms of his 2005 contract or sit out the 2005 season and be subject to the 2005 terms again in 2006; this analysis overlooks what we believe to be the most likely scenario -- Owens holds out until in week ten in order to get credit for the 2005 season, forcing the Eagles either to pick up his $7.5 million roster and option boni in March 2006 or to release him.

 

A day after teammate Todd Heap got bonus money roughly 15 times greater than the salary that last year's NFL defensive player of the year will earn in 2005, Ravens S Ed Reed wasn't bitching about his contract situation (at least, not to the media).

 

Ravens CB Deion Sanders, who picked No. 37 last year because it was his age, doesn't plan to switch to No. 38 this time around.

 

On Wednesday, The Denver Post reported that the Titans were the favorites to sign K Clay Rush of the AFL champion Colorado Crush; responded Tennessee G.M. Floyd Reese, "I don't even know who the guy is."

 

POSTED 8:18 p.m. EDT; UPDATED 9:17 p.m. EDT, June 15, 2005

 

MADDEN COMPLETES NETWORK CYCLE

 

The good news?  We won't have to put up with the grossly overrated John Madden on Monday Night Football when the show moves to ESPN in 2006.

 

The bad news?  We'll have to put up with him on Sunday nights on NBC.

 

The worse news?  There's still a chance that the trio of doofi who currently handle Sunday night duties on ESPN will get the MNF gig.

 

For Madden, the news that he'll work for NBC beginning in 2006 completes the four-network cycle in 20-plus years.  He started with CBS, moved to FOX after CBS lost the NFL package in 1994, moved to ABC after FOX decided to start cutting costs, and now leaves ABC after the network shifted the rights to Monday night to its sister company.

 

"The whole thing [is] an opportunity to go somewhere where we're starting something new, something different," Madden said.  "I just think that, doggone it, this is pretty good."

 

And we just think that, doggone it, Madden has little or no appeal or relevance to the modern football fan.  

 

Frankly, we don't understand it.  He's basic.  He's boring.  He's bland.  It's the same thing, over and over.  Like all of the other puppets who are more concerned about preserving relationships than speaking truth, Madden's voice now induces sleep when it should instead be provoking thought.  

 

But for the video game franchise that bears his name, Madden might have zero meaning to today's younger generation.  And even the kids don't think of him as a guy who once coached the Raiders, but as the guy whose voice they generally ignore while playing, admittedly, the best football game ever created.

 

We don't intend to insult Madden.  Our only goal is to do that which Madden and Nance and Gumbel and Simms and Michaels and Theismann and Buck and Aikman won't do -- what only one guy in the history of television sports ever did on a consistent basis.

 

Tell it like it is.    

 

Sleep well, Howie.  You don't have to worry about ever being replaced.

 

NFL NAILS DOSS FOR A DEUCE


Colts safety Mike Doss will miss the first two games of the 2005 regular season, thanks to a suspension imposed by the NFL in the wake of his recent arrest and no-contest plea on weapons charges.

 

Though the team had been talking tough about imposing its own discipline on Doss, the NFL moved first.

 

Doss will forfeit two game checks in connection with the suspension.

 

"We hope this swift sure action by the commissioner sends a signal to all concerned, players and fans alike," said team president Bill Polian, "that actions such as those engaged in by Mike Doss will not be tolerated in the NFL or with the Colts."

 

Doss got in trouble in Akron after firing a gun into the air 300 feet or so from a crowd of 500 people.

 

The Colts will be without Doss against the Ravens on September 11 and the Jags on September 18.

 

ATTACK OF THE KRENZIES

 

Usually, we know when we've posted a story or a one-liner that will ruffle feathers.  In such cases, we prepare ourselves to hit the "delete" button over and over again as the e-mails inviting us to perform an act on ourselves that is physically impossible for 99.9 percent of the population flow through the DSL line.

 

But when we took a jab on Wednesday morning at the decision of former Bears quarterback Craig Krenzel not to accept the team's invitation to get some reps in NFL Europe, we didn't expect to hear from anyone.

 

Instead, our e-mail box was flooded.

 

Readers rightfully took issue with our suggestion that Krenzel's failure to recognize what was good for his football career would lead to a lifetime of waxing cars.  As it turns out, Krenzel is a rare football-playing brainiac, who finished his education at Ohio State with a 3.7-plus GPA and a degree in molecular genetics.

 

We still think Craig was stoopid for not recognizing that it would have behooved him to take a trip across the pond in an effort to improve his game.  And before any of you tell us that maybe Craig opted not to go to Europe with the specific realization that his football career would end, that argument would hold more water if Krenzel had retired.  Instead, he was released.

 

It's a shame, in our view.  Word on the street was that the Bears liked his poise in the pocket -- in sharp contrast a certain dork in the headlights otherwise known as Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.  But with Kurt Kittner leading his NFL Europe team (we can't remember and don't care which one it was) to the league championship, he gets the crack at bouncing Chad Hutchinson from the roster in the preseason.

 

WEDNESDAY NIGHT ONE-LINERS


The Bills open camp on July 30 with a morning practice and a night session.

 

[Looks like the model for this thing

was in the middle of getting a prostate exam.]

 

The Pats parted ways with a couple of street urchins.

 

The Jets have given the slip to S Reggie Tongue.

 

From the "Let's Start Talking Him Up So We Can Eventually Trade His Ass" file, Bengals coach Marvin Lewis calls RB Chris Perry "one of the most talented guys we have in this building."

 

Now that the Texans have ended their offseason program, QB David Carr has some big plans:  "I have to go base jumping and sky diving, surfing and riding some motorcycles and then I’ll be ready for training camp,” Carr said.  (We suddenly like this guy.)

 

WR Az Hakim has signed a one-year deal with the Chiefs, likely for the veteran minimum.

 

The Chargers have inked seventh-round OL Scott Mruczkowski.

 

The Eagles have signed fifth-round OL Scott Young.

 

The Bears have dumped OL Bryan Anderson.

 

POSTED 8:25 a.m. EDT, June 15, 2005

 

PRICE NOT THE PROBLEM IN ATLANTA?

 

One of our Atlanta readers who fires off some entertaining e-mails to us from time to time has raised an interesting point in response to recent reports that the Falcons have toyed with the notion of dumping receiver Peerless Price, who was acquired by the team only two seasons ago.

 

Price, as the reader explained, likely isn't the problem.  The problem, as a quietly growing throng of fans in Atlanta are apparently beginning to discern, is quarterback Mike Vick.

 

The speculation in some circles is that the Falcons' fear that their golden boy quarterback might amount to nothing more than a very good running back.

 

Vick threw for 2,313 yards in 15 starts last season, for a 78.1 passer rating.  In his four-year career, his passer rating has never been higher than 81.6.

 

Of course, the Falcons have no choice but to look for ways to prop Vick up, especially after giving him a huge contract extension last season.  He's a phenomenal athlete, to be sure.  But the passing game simply isn't there -- and the team isn't going to fool all of the locals by blaming the pass-catchers instead of the pass-thrower.

 

Then again, maybe the Falcons realize that they never will be able to get maximum return on the millions paid to a big-money wideout like Price, so why not go instead with a bunch of journeymen and/or youngsters who'll cost far less money?  The savings can be used to pump up the defense, and Vick can continue to make like Tarkenton and/or Flutie until the huge target otherwise known as Alge Crumpler muscles his way open.  

 

ARRINGTON HEARING ON FOR JULY 18

 

The Washington Post reports that the long-awaited grievance hearing between the Redskins and linebacker LaVar Arrington will proceed on July 18.

 

Arrington claims that the team left out of the final draft of his December 2003 contract extension a $6.5 million roster bonus payable in 2006.  The contract already contains one $6.5 million roster bonus due in 2006; Arrington says that a second one should be in there.

 

Arrington's agent, Carl Poston, has admitted that he failed to read the final draft of the contract because due to a looming deadline for getting the deal done.  

 

Still, Arrington signed the contract.  Over the past 18 months or so, we've also learned that the team will be prepared to introduce all prior versions of the contract, none of which contained the phantom $6.5 million roster bonus.

 

In our view, the whole thing at this point is academic.  Barring an L.T.-type return from chronic knee problems, we believe that the team will pay neither of the $6.5 million roster boni in 2006 (real or alleged), and that Arrington will be ushered out of D.C.  

 

But for the crippling cap hit, our guess is that the team already would have given him the boot.

 

Still, perhaps the NFLPA wants to proceed with this one to obtain sworn testimony from Carl Poston regarding the failure to read the final draft, so that formal discipline can be imposed.  Regardless, the problem here is that, even if Arrington wins, he'll never see the money that his agent didn't see in the contract.

 

WEDNESDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS


Due to a large turnout during involuntary voluntary offseason practices, the Texans have implemented their entire offensive plan (first down, throw to Andre Johnson; second down, throw to Andre Johnson; third down, throw to Andre Johnson).

 

Why do we have a feeling that these words regarding TE Todd Heap's new contract will haunt Ravens coach Brian Billick in every negotiation for the rest of his tenure with the team?  "You put your money where your mouth is," Billick said. "You can talk the rhetoric, but when it comes time for a player's situation to be addressed, you step up and make him the highest-paid tight end in the league.  He's deserving of that."

 

Doctors say that the Big Show's ticker is just fine.

 

Though the Titans have yet to cut S Lance Schulters, LB Keith Bulluck has posted one of Schulters' football cards in Bulluck's locker in honor of his soon-to-be-released teammate; "This is the wall for my lost homies," Bulluck said.  "Lance is cool.  I talked to him the other day.  He understands this is a business.  He is just waiting on them to let him know something so he can do something with his career."

 

Titans TE Ben Troupe will wear a boot for six weeks after having a screw inserted into his broken foot.

 

Chiefs coach Dick Vermeil says that WR Az Hakim, who has a verbal one-year agreement with the team that should be signed soon, is not guaranteed a roster spot; "He’s going to have to compete, and he knows that," Vermeil said.  "I didn’t really actively recruit hard to get this guy.  I wanted him to come on his own."

 

New Vikings owner Zygi Wilf is expected to hire longtime NFL exec Kevin Warren into "a prominent front office role."

 

Charges won't be filed against Saints S Dwight Smith and one of his friends for assault and battery on two guys who approached Smith's car at the drive-thru of a Florida McDonald's.

 

RB/KR Chad Morton visited the Vikings on Tuesday, but left without a contract.

 

The Jags admit that they've had "conversations" about CB Ty Law and RB Travis Henry, but the teams doesn't seem to be serious about either guy at this point.

 

The Meathead says that S Corey Chavous and CB Brian Williams will both be in training camp "with their heads on straight."  (Coming from a guy with two bolts in his own neck, we figure he knows what he's talking about.)

 

["It's alive. . . .  It's alive!"]  

 

The Big Show practiced his team on Monday and Tuesday without the offensive and defensive linemen because things were getting to "a little too physical" last week (sounds to us like the NFLPA has finally gotten the word out that it's ready to bust some balls).

 

Chiefs coach Dick Vermeil realizes that S Jerome Woods isn't happy with his demotion to the No. 2 defense -- "You know his feelings were hurt, and I understand that.  I hurt my wife’s feelings from time to time.  It’s just impossible to make everybody happy."

 

The Colts have re-signed LB Rob Morris, their first pick in the 2000 draft, to a one-year, $540,000 deal; he'll enter training camp as the backup to Gary Brackett in the middle.

 

With Koren permanently flushed, WR Bobby Engram is the starting split end, for now, in Seattle.

 

The Bengals have extended their training camp contract with Georgetown College by one year, through 2006.

 

The Jets still aren't giving up on their plans for a Manhattan stadium.

 

The Bears' decision to release QB Craig Krenzel apparently had its roots in Krenzel's refusal to play in Europe this year (nice decision, Craig -- have fun waxing cars for a living).

 

Cards RB J.J. Arrington is making the most of the absence of RB Troy Hambrick from involuntary voluntary drills.

 

After 49ers owner John York publicly apologized for the team's training video that contained material offensive to Chinese-Americans, Rev. Norman Fong said, "You get an A-plus for confession.  Confession is the first step, but you know the next step is harder:  repentance."  (To which York replied, "What the hell is 'wepentance'?")

 

POSTED 8:42 p.m. EDT, June 14, 2005

 

TODD GETS A HEAP OF MONEY


Although the terms of tight end Todd Heap's six-year extension with the Ravens are not generally available, a league source has funneled to us some of the key numbers.

 

Under the deal, which will stretch over seven total years, Heap will earn $30 million.  In contrast, Chiefs tight end Tony Gonzalez is working under a five-year, $20.953 million contract.

 

Heap's deal, on average, is the richest contract for a tight end in league history.  He'll get $4.286 million per year.  Gonzalez gets $4.191 million.

 

One of the other big-money tight ends, Atlanta's Alge Crumpler, has a seven-year deal worth up to $27.833 million if all incentives are reached.  Heap's $30 million over seven years represents merely the base pay he'll receive.

 

Heap gets $14.8 million over the first three years of the deal, more than the $14.053 earned by Gonzalez under the previous record deal for a tight end.

 

Heap also has the highest combined signing bonus for a tight end, at $11.0 million.  Gonzalez got $10 million, Crumpler got $9 million, and Kellnievel got (in theory) $10.4125 million.

 

The combined bonus money places Heap among the top 15 receiver contracts of all time, putting him in the same high-rent district as Marvin Harrison, Randy Moss, Terrell Owens, Torry Holt, Isaac Bruce, Eric Moulds, Laveranues Coles, Charles Rodgers, Andre Johnson, Larry Fitzgerald, Roy Williams, Keyshawn Johnson, Joey Galloway, and Rod Smith.

 

Not bad for a guy with a gimpy ankle in 2004, which limited him to 27 catches for 303 yards and three touchdowns.  His best season was 2002, when he hauled in 68 receptions for 836 yards and six scores. 

 

POSTED 8:39 a.m. EDT, June 14, 2005

 

KELLNIEVEL KNEW ABOUT MOTORCYCLE BAN

 

Browns tight end Kellen Winslow has spoken to the media for the first time since his May 1 motorcycle accident.

 

Winslow admitted to Patrick McManamon of The Akron Beacon Journal that Kellneivel was "aware" that his contract listed motorcycling as an activity that could cause him to be in default on his contract, if injured.

 

"I'm grown.  I still have to live my life.  I did know the circumstances behind it, but I'm still learning. I'm young," he said.  "You think you're invincible.  You think nothing's going to happen to you.  It was a mistake."

 

But Winslow still doesn't sound sufficiently contrite, in our view.

 

"You know, I am sorry for what I've done.  A lot of people have motorcycles, but since I got hurt, I'm sorry."

 

Oh, to be so stupid that you don't know how stupid you are.

 

The issue, Kell, isn't that you rode a motorcycle and got hurt.  It's that you rode a motorcycle, period, because riding a motorcycle is inherently dangerous.

 

No one who hops on a crotch rocket believes they're going to get hurt, unless they're suicidal or insane.  The language in Winslow's contract wasn't intended to keep him from riding a motorcycle and getting hurt, but from riding a motorcycle at all because he could get hurt.

 

If, for example, Kellnievel's contract expressly prohibited him from playing Russian roulette, he shouldn't be sorry for pulling the trigger on the loaded chamber (although we wouldn't be) -- he should be sorry for pulling the trigger at all.  

 

Winslow also said a bunch of other things that we don't give a crap about.  Yeah, he's getting surgery on his ACL on Tuesday.  Yeah, he plans to work hard in rehab.  Yeah, he still intends to be one of the best ever.  Blah, blah, frickin' blah.  

 

All that matters to us is that the kid won't be playing in 2005 because he engaged in behavior that he now admits he knew was forbidden under the terms of his contract.  As a result, we're more convinced than ever that the Browns should go after every last penny that they can recover.

 

PEERLESS HEADING DOWN THE DRAIN?

 

The Atlanta Falcons have decided not to release or trade receiver Peerless Price, according to The Atlanta Journal-Constitution.  For now.

 

"I'm excited to give him a chance to compete to make the team and to improve along with the rest of the players," coach Jim Mora said.  "I know there's been speculation about Peerless and about his future here but, as an organization, we've decided that we want to see him compete and help this team be a better football team.  That is the truth."

 

The Falcons have made a big investment in Price.  The team sent a first-round pick to the Bills for the rights to the then-franchised receiver who had flourished as the guy across from Eric Moulds in Buffalo.  Price also got a six-year, $42 million contract.

 

Despite the cap hit that would result from cutting Price with four years left on his contract, The Journal-Constitution reports that Price could still be released if he doesn't perform well in training camp or the preseason.

 

The Falcons have devoted first-round picks in the past two drafts to the receiver position, taking Michael Jenkins in 2004 and Roddy White in 2005.  Jenkins, who was virtually forgotten last season, reportedly has made enough strides to press Price for a spot in the starting lineup.

 

Price had only 45 catches for 575 yards and three touchdowns in 2004. 

 

TUESDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS


A jury was picked in the felony assault trial of Ravens LB Terrell Suggs (but, unfortunately, the judge won't be able to honor Suggs' selection of "the Michael Jackson jury" or "the O.J. Simpson jury").

 

The Bucs have dumped QB Akili Smith, who plummeted from No. 1 to No. 3 on the depth chart on his NFL Europe team.

 

Ravens LB Ray Lewis continues to offer implicit excuses for the fact that he routinely has been blown up by offensive linemen over the past couple of seasons:  "I don't try to bash people and try to get to the football.  I get to the running back.  No running back wants to face me in this league, and they know that."

 

The Jags are moving RB Greg Jones to fullback, and he's not too thrilled about it.

 

Pot salesmen along I-10 and I-95 will be manning the exit ramps as Ricky Williams makes the long drive from NoCal to Miami.

 

Titans offensive coordinator Norm Chow plans to use a lot of pre-snap motion and shifting in order to induce opposing defenses to make mistakes (and we think that this would really be effective if the team had good running backs and receivers and/or a quarterback who could take a dump without breaking a bone).

 

NFL owners will meet in Detroit on Tuesday to continue to try to resolve their impasse on revenue-sharing.

 

Less than a week after signing his much-hyped one-year, $1.5 million contract so that he'd be available for a mandatory minicamp that opened on Monday, Ravens CB Deion Sanders was excused from practice for personal reasons.

 

Pats QB Doug Flutie is getting frustrated as he tries to learns the Pats offense (and he's still searching the playbook for "run around until you can actually see a receiver and then run around some more and then eventually throw it to someone").

 

Seahawks QB Seneca Wallace is making at run at the backup gig in Seattle.

 

Former Titans scout Ellis Rainsberger accepted a similar position with the Dolphins (the local 7-11, as it turns out, wasn't hiring).

 

Jack Glowik also has taken a scouting job in Miami after spending 25 years as a college assistant.

 

Despite recent reports that Jets QB Chad Pennington hasn't thrown the ball following shoulder surgery, Newsday reports that he has been throwing softly after practice.

 

Given that the Jets won't be getting new digs in Manhattan, C Kewin Mawae wants the team to move its headquarters from Long Island to New Jersey.

 

Ravens coach Brian Billick pulled a Tyson during post-practice wind sprints.

 

"Triple Word Score" Wilf formally takes over the Vikings on Tuesday.

 

The Titans are expected to dump S Lance Schulters very soon if he refuses to take a significant pay cut.

 

The Texans are thinking about moving C Steve McKinney to left guard.

 

The Giants and Jets will be getting together for a workout on August 6.

 

The Eagles have signed fourth-round OT Todd Herremans to a four-year deal, with a $403,000 signing bonus.

 

The Browns are happy to have OT L.J. Shelton -- and not to have OT Ross Verba.

 

Seahawks WR Darrell Jackson is still missing from involuntary voluntary workouts.

 

Mike Martz has good things to say about new Rams special teams coach Bob Ligashesky -- which just might be the kiss of death.

 

The Bills will have four night practices during training camp (if J.P. Losman can find his way to the field in the dark).

 

Pats DE Richard Seymour still won't talk about his apparent contract dispute.

 

Bengals OL Alex Sulfsted has retired from football because, unlike most NFL players, he has an opportunity to make a good living without busting his melon every day.

 

Browns RB William Green is a changed man, for now.

 

QUOTE OF THE DAY

 

From Browns coach Romeo Crennel, regarding the relevance of minicamp practices:  "It's hard to tell in shorts,'' he said.  "A lot of people look good in shorts.  I used to look good in shorts."

 

POSTED 7:52 a.m. EDT, June 13, 2005

 

TANK BUSTED ON GUN CHARGE

 

Bears defensive lineman Terry "Tank" Johnson was arrested early Saturday in Cook County, Illinois for unlawful possession of a handgun, according to The Chicago Tribune.

 

A valet reported that he saw Johnson moving a gun from his lap (insert cringe here) to the center console of his GMC Yukon.  Police discovered a fully-loaded 9 mm Ruger in the parked vehicle.  Johnson then was found at a Chicago nightclub.

 

Johnson's lawyer, Elliot Zinger (great name), says that his client made a mistake (no sh-t).  

 

"He's from another state and not familiar with what's going on here," Zinger said.

 

Johnson's home state is Arizona and he played college football in Washington.  Though we don't know whether either of those jurisdictions permit a guy to drive up and down the street with a loaded gun in his ride, ignorance of the law is no excuse.  Anywhere.

 

Still, we figure Johnson will pick up some sort of a slap on the wrist, like most NFL players who violate the laws with which the rest of us routinely comply.  And after he spends 40 hours or so scooping up dog sh-t from a city park, he can go back to cruising the Chicago streets with a loaded weapon.

 

I mean, you never know when you're gonna need to put a cap in someone's ass, right?  

 

PATS POCKET THIRD PIECE OF LOMBARDI BLING 

 

The New England Patriots received on Sunday night their newest Super Bowl rings -- and it looks like owner Bob Kraft spared no expense this time around.

 

The things sport 124 diamonds and weigh more than a quarter of a pound, making them the largest Super Bowl rings ever.  

 

A total of 21 diamonds surround the team's logo, representing the 21-game winning streak that ended last year.

 

"This one is my new favorite," said linebacker Tedy Bruschi.  "You look at the second one, and it is so enormous, but this one is bigger and done right, and it's probably the one I'll wear."

 

Running back Corey Dillon, who toiled in mediocrity with the Bengals before heading to New England last year, was humbled.  "There have been a lot of things in my life that haven't been bright," he said, "but tonight, this is a bright spot in my life.  I want to thank the Kraft family and my teammates just for taking me in and making me one of the guys.  I put this up there with the birth of my child and my wedding to my wonderful wife."

 

Defensive end Richard Seymour, who stayed away from a mandatory minicamp that ended on Sunday due apparently to displeasure with his contract, focused only on the warm and fuzzies.  "I wanted to be here with my teammates and my teammates wanted me to be here, and that's the only thing that matters," Seymour said.  "I'm not discussing my current situation.  I want to remain a professional and I always did that, and I want you guys to respect that.

 

"I love my teammates, I love this organization and ultimately, hopefully, we can get another ring.  This is a first-class organization and we have some top-flight players and this ring symbolizes what we stand for."

 

Former players Ty Law, David Patten, and Roman Phifer, former offensive coordinator Charlie Weis, and former defensive coordinator Romeo Crennel also showed up for the event, which Kraft hosted at his house.  

 

MONDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

Texans offensive linemen Seth Wand and Chester Pitts realize that their jobs on the left side aren't set in see-ment (especially with the team sniffing around Ross Verba's rear end).

 

Pats LB Tedy Bruschi says he's under no pressure to declare his intentions for the 2005 season before training camp opens on July 24.

 

Dolphins S Travares Tillman has a torn meniscus in his left knee; coach Nick Saban says that Tillman will miss 2-4 weeks, but Tillman's agent, Ben Dogra, thinks it'll be more like 4-6 weeks before Tillman is ready.

 

The Ravens open a mandatory minicamp on the same day that LB Terrell Suggs begins the process of finding out whether he'll be spending time in a prison camp.

 

Fins coach Nick Saban is happy with the improvement of new LT Vernon Carey, the team's 2004 first-round pick who was deemed a disappointment last year.

 

Miami LB Channing Crowder plans to avoid the kind of conduct that led to two arrests during his college days (and the lobotomy is scheduled for next week).

 

Fins OT Stockar McDougle is miffed that Lions O-line coach Pat Morris put out bad info regarding the veteran lineman during free agency.

 

Miami's most important offseason acquisition could turn out to be DT Keith Traylor, a 340-pound poop machine who'll clog up the line and allow the 'backers to run free on first down.

 

From the "Please Shut Up Once And For All And Go Away Or Die, Your Choice" file, Lawrence Taylor recently has said that "[p]layers today are pussies," and he's "a little less reckless now" than he was during the heyday of LT.

 

POSTED 9:47 p.m. EDT, June 12, 2005

 

BROADER CAP THE REAL REVENUE SOLUTION?

 

The recent article on the Jacksonville-Pittsburgh revenue sharing plan has been removed from the Jaguars.com web site, and word is that the thing was taken off of the front page at the direction of the team.  (Editor's note:  As of this posting, the article is still available right here; however, all references to the story have been removed from the team's web site -- and we have a feeling that the link to it soon will self-destruct.)

 

While the reason for the removal of the story remains unclear, we've been told that the real root of the revenue problem isn't the fact that some teams are earning a lot more coin than others, but that the ongoing disparity in revenues eventually will make it harder for the low-money teams to remain competitive.

 

And the solution, we're told, could be a limit on spending extending beyond the current salary cap to all operating expenses.  

 

By putting a hard ceiling on the money that can be devoted to coaches, front office staff, transportation expenses, etc., the low-revenue teams would be insulated against a team like the Redskins making a ton of money -- and spending more and more of it on things that would make D.C. a more attractive destination for players.

 

But this doesn't address the problem arising from the NFLPA's desire to include all revenues -- shared and unshared -- within the calculation of each franchise's salary cap.  As we've previously explained, teams like the Cardinals and Bengals would be faced with an artificially high salary cap if the total revenues of teams like the 'Skins and Cowboys were factored into the overall formula.

 

So we're back to square one in our assessment of ideas for breaking the impasse among the owners and, in turn, between the league and the players. 

 

We believe that the NFL should impose a comprehensive spending cap, but the salary cap should still be based on so-called Designated Gross Revenues.  Then, the unshared revenues will be subject to a tax, and the money collected from each team will be distributed to all players based on objective factors such as performance, seniority, and/or cap number.  This will get more of the total revenues into the players' hands, preserve the incentive to earn as much money as possible, and ensure competitive balance.

 

The only glitch is that agents won't support the plan because they won't be eligible to earn a fee on the unshared revenue distributed on a league-wide basis.  There's a way, however, to make this pill go down -- the union should abandon the notion of dropping the maximum fee from three percent to two.

 

Of course, we don't expect the NFL to follow the advice of a smart-ass with a web site.  But there ain't exactly an overflow of good ideas coming from the powers-that-be, and the only decent ones to make it into public view have been inexplicably deep-sixed.

 

SUNDAY NIGHT ONE-LINERS

 

Chargers coach Marty Schottenheimer says that Shawne Merriman likely will play linebacker if/when he shows up, and Marty seems to have a spark plug in his pocket for RB/KR Darren Sproles.

 

Agent David Ware says he recently got out of the business due in part to losing several clients to Drew Rosenhaus.

 

Sid Hartman of The Minneapolis Star Tribune says that NFL officials had to step in to keep the sale of the Vikings from Red McCombs to Zygi Wilf from falling through.

 

POSTED 11:26 a.m. EDT, June 12, 2005

 

MORE SUNDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS


Fins owner Wayne Huizenga is ready to throw his arms around Ricky Williams -- if Ricky can prove that he's more serious about toting the rock than toking the roach.

 

Supposedly, one of Miami G.M. Randy Mueller's strengths is anticipating cuts to be made by other teams (so did he then know that his own release was coming in New Orleans before it actually came?).

 

Michael Felger of The Boston Herald predicts that the Pats won't bow to DE Richard Seymour's desire for a new contract.

 

To save its bid for the 2012 Olympics, New York City could be rolling out a stadium in Queens -- but the Jets are interested in moving to it. 

 

Another day, another "Plax Burress isn't really an asshole" story.

 

In contrast, the Nicktator wants rookie RB Ronnie Brown to be more of an asshole.

 

Nine days after carrying Bob Kraft's toilet water regarding the so-called "Pioli Rule," Tom Curran of The Providence Journal is pimping for new contracts for S Rodney Harrison and DE Richard Seymour.

 

More praise from the Pats for WR David Terrell (would someone please check this guy's ID or do a DNA test or something?).

 

LB Chad Brown is starting from scratch with the defensive terminology in New England.

 

Nick Cafardo of The Boston Globe breaks down the details of QB Tom Brady's new contract (among other things, Brady is required weekly to submit a sample of his sh-t so that scientists can confirm that it indeed doesn't stink).

 

POSTED 8:05 a.m. EDT, June 12, 2005

 

BRAYLON GUARANTEES AT LEAST FIVE WINS

 

Okay, it's not like he said the Browns are going to win the Super Bowl, or even the AFC North.  But rookie receiver Braylon Edwards did make a guarantee during a Saturday appearance at the Hall of Fame in Canton, and it'll be interesting to see whether his guarantee comes to fruition.

 

Asked for his response to a media prediction that the team will be 2-14 in 2005, Edwards told Steve Doerschuck of The Canton Repository:  "We have too much pride as a team, and the key word is team ... 2-14 is not gonna happen.  We got rid of all the players that were not team-oriented, so I hear.  We got rid of all the people in administration who were losing focus.  Now we have Coach [Romeo] Crennel and a new regime.  We have [General Manager] Phil Savage. . . .  He’s about business, about winning games, about putting the right people in place to win games.  I’m not making predictions, but I guarantee we will win more than four games.  I guarantee that." 

 

Edwards also said that he plans to be a "big producer" out of the gates as a rookie, and that he wants to get a contract signed before training camp opens.  "If we ask for this, and they come with a number that’s somewhat remotely close, I’m not gonna sit there and complain about a couple of dollars.  It’ll be, 'I like the organization.  Yes, that’s doable.'  I predict me being in camp on time."  

 

SUNDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

Chiefs owner-in-waiting Clark Hunt says that "[t]here's definitely a chance" that he'll look into buying an English soccer club at some point, and he thinks that more NFL owners will follow the lead of Tampa's Malcolm Glazer, who recently acquired control of the Manchester United.

 

OT Rob Pettiti was a lifelong Giants fan before being drafted in the sixth round by the Cowboys, and he showed off his Pitt education with this sound bite regarding the transformation:  "I don't like the Giants no more.  When I got drafted, 50 of my friends and family all became Cowboys fans instantly."

 

Tim Sullivan of The San Diego Union-Tribune takes a close look at the 348-pounder who clogs the middle of the line for the Chargers defense (and plenty of toilets at the team facility).

 

Chargers WR Reche Caldwell has practiced four times in two days, eight months after tearing up a knee.

 

Niners OT Kwame Harris is getting reacquainted with the right side after spending his first two NFL seasons on the left.

 

The Fins are looking into the possibility of building an indoor practice facility.

 

San Fran LB Julian Peterson is only 75 percent recovered from a ruptured Achilles' tendon, less than two months from the start of training camp.

 

POSTED 10:13 p.m. EDT, June 11, 2005

 

ANTTAJ AXES AGENT

 

A league source tells us that sixth-round defensive tackle Anttaj Hawthorne has parted ways with agent Tom Condon of IMG.

 

At the outset of the 2004 college football season, Hawthorne was considered to be one of the highest-rated prospects for the 2005 draft.  The Wisconsin product slipped down the board based on his performance last year, and he went into a full-blown free fall after testing positive for a marijuana at the NFL Scouting Combine in February.

 

Given that Hawthorne himself is responsible for his failed fortunes, it's hard to pin his plummet primarily on Condon.  As we've heard from multiple league insiders on multiple occasions in the past, a guy who tests positive at the Combine is either stupid or has a problem, since every player knows, or should know, that he is going to be tested in Indy.

 

Regardless of who's to blame, Hawthorne parted ways with IMG on June 6.  At this point, there's no indication of who his new agent will be.

 

TUTTI FONUTI SHOWS UP

 

Chargers offensive lineman Toniu Fonuti showed up for the second day of a mandatory minicamp on Saturday.  Though his wife told the media on Friday that Fonuti missed the opening day of camp due to travel problems, Fonuti attributed the absence on Saturday to a different cause.

 

"He indicated he had some personal matters to take care of," said head coach Marty Schottenheimer.  "He asked for a moment in the team meeting this morning, which I gave him.  He apologized to his teammates for his tardiness."

 

Fonuti has an ankle injury that will prevent him from taking part in the on-field sessions.

 

SATURDAY NIGHT ONE-LINERS

 

Miami coach Nick Saban says that he plans to end each practice with specific game-day situations; on Saturday, the Fins practiced their two-minute offense at the end of the first half.

 

The fictional Mean Machine in the original version of The Longest Yard stole the guards' uniforms; the NFL's version of the Mean Machine has bought uniforms for 18 Baltimore high school teams.

 

Bengals DT John Thornton is devoting his time and effort to raise funds for the Autism Society of Greater Cincinnati (we'd love to make a Rain Man crack right here, but we won't -- not because it would be in poor taste but because these Hanes 32s are cutting of the circulation to our legs).

 

Several members of the Texans took batting practice with the Astros on Friday (and the 'Stros might be better off in the standings if a few of the Texans switched sports).

 

The Colts have concluded four weeks of summer school (and Peyton Manning is still trying to figure out that damn new math). 

 

The Nicktator seems to be trying to soften his image, poking fun at his perception as an "Attila the Hun" while pointing out that he excused a player from Saturday's mandatory minicamp practice so that he could serve as best man at a wedding in Virginia.

 

The front offices of the Eagles, Ravens, Steelers, and Redskins got together for a double elimination softball tournament in Baltimore -- and Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie actually played for the Philly team (but where was the dude with the ultimate softball body?).

 

The Redskins defense is using a drill that looks a lot like a game of 6-year-old soccer.

 

Kurt Kittner has defeated Dave Ragone in the battle of backup quarterbacks who'll never amount to anything in the NFL.

 

Kurt Kittner picked up the World Bowl MVP award and the Admirals won their first title.

"Yo, Angelo.  I did it. . . .  Now can I have a job?  Please?"

 

Mooch's bocce ball tourney raised 200 large for charity.

 

Says Mooch to a portly Lions fan, "Help me out again, buddy.  How many 'i''s are there in 'Mariucci'?"  

 

The Meathead had his players take off their helmets on Friday because practice was getting too intense (makes sense, Mike -- whenever my kid is riding his bike a little too recklessly, I always make him lose the helmet).

 

The Panthers have signed S Mike Minter to a four-year extension.

 

The Whizzinator, as it turns out, was cited in May 1, 2004 for urinating in the corner of an elevator (perhaps he claimed that, if he didn't relieve himself then and there, he could get uromysitisis poisoning and die).

 

POSTED 7:56 a.m. EDT, June 11, 2005

 

FONOTI MISSES DAY ONE OF MINICAMP

 

Chargers offensive lineman Toniu "Tutti" Fonuti missed the first day of a mandatory minicamp on Friday, according to Kevin Acee of The San Diego Union Tribune.

 

The team had "no idea" as to Fonuti's whereabouts, and his agent was in the process of "trying to track him down."  Fonuti's wife says that he'll be in San Diego on Saturday, and that his flight from Houston was delayed.

 

"It's a pattern," said G.M. A.J. Smith.  The team will fine Fonuti $9,300 for his absence, and it could affect negotiations on a long-term extension of his contract that expires after the 2005 season.

 

"I can't address that right now," commented Smith, "except to say that I make notes."  (Editor's note:  Ooooooooo.)

 

Teammate Romen Oben expressed his frustration with the player who squats next to him on every offensive snap.  "I love the guy, but we can't make excuses for him anymore," Oben said.  "This is the only mandatory [camp]. He's supposed to be here."

 

Also absent, to no surprise, was first-rounder Shawne Merriman.  Merriman has boycotted all offseason workouts due to concerns regarding the team's injury protection waiver.  Because he is not under contract, Merriman is not subject to a fine or any other discipline for non-attendance.

 

Merriman offered several weeks back to attend meetings at offseason workouts, but the Chargers declined.

 

SATURDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

Lions CEO Matt Millen says that, even though CB R.W. McQuarters is now on the team, he still will consider signing CB Ty Law.

 

The Packers have waived QB Scott McBrien, who was re-signed on January 11 when Brett Favre future with the team was roughly as certain as, say, Mike Sherman's currently is.

 

Before Saints RB Deuce McAllister thumps his chest too hard about cutting off negotiations on a long-term deal until after the regular season, perhaps he should have a chat with guys like Edgerrin James and Shaun Alexander.

 

The Vikings are bringing in RB/KR Chad Morton for a look-see on Monday.

 

The Giants also are interested in Morton, who was cut recently by the 'Skins.

 

Pats S Rodney Harrison believes that he is underpaid, but he plans to honor the six-year contract he signed two years ago, when teams like the Broncos and Raiders were offering him more money.

 

Vikings CB Fred Smoot wants to finagle No. 21 from Corey Chavous, and Smoot is willing to pay $10,000 for it (be patient, Fred, because there's a good chance that the disgruntled Chavous eventually will be Ohalated by Coach Frankentice).

 

New England WR David Terrell is making a good impression on the coaching staff (maybe, then, someone should confirm that it's really him).

 

Pats DE Richard Seymour was a no-show for day two of a mandatory minicamp, and the jury's out on whether he shows up Sunday night for a dinner at which the 2004 Super Bowl rings will be distributed (we hope that he does, and that he gives owner Bob Kraft a really firm handshake).

 

Fins owner Wayne Huizenga needs to spend some of that money he's been throwing at coaches on a place where those guys can earn their keep when the weather won't permit outdoor practices.

 

New England defender Dan Klecko switched from nose tackle to linebacker a year ago; he's now getting most of his reps on the D-line again.

 

WR Az Hakim has a verbal agreement to join the Chiefs (and in the NFL verbal agreements are about as valuable as, well, an Az Hakim rookie card).

 

Pats CB Hank Poteat is practicing with the first and second unit while higher profile guys like Duane Starks and Tyrone Poole are running exclusively with the twos. 

 

Miami OL Vernon Carey lined up at left tackle and Stocker McDougle played right tackle in practice on Friday.

 

Fins DE Jason Taylor was back on the field Friday afternoon after missing the morning practice with an "undisclosed illness" (we never imagined that something like the liquid sh-ts could be made to sound so ominous).

 

Saints CB Fahkir Brown showed up for a mandatory minicamp after staying away from 14 involuntary voluntary sessions as he angles for a new deal.

 

RB Ricky Williams is in the process of moving back to South Florida from California.

 

The Dolphins are limiting the amount of video that news crews can shoot at minicamp practice in light of the Redskins' recent misadventures with images posted on the team's web site.

 

QB Gus Frerotte opened minicamp practice as the starting quarterback on Friday; the Nicktator says not to read anything into it (which, of course, is an engraved invitation to do so).

 

Paul Kuharsy of The Nashville Tennessean is the first member of the "real" media to acknowledge the so-called "Jacksonville-Pittsburgh" revenue sharing plan, only four freaking days after Jags owner Wayne Weaver went public with it (we also like how Kuharsky parlayed our very rough example of the manner in which the numbers might be crunched into an "estimate," attributed vaguely to a guy named "some," that the plan would cost high-revenue teams $17 million a year).

 

Seahawks QB Gibran Hamdan's house was once stolen by Saddam Hussein (and his car was once hot-wired by Kim Jong-il).

 

["What can I say?  I have a thing for Chevys."]

 

From the "Jim Irsay Isn't Nearly As Stupid As He Looks And Sounds" file, city and state officials are funding the $48 million payment that the Colts will be making to break their current lease at the RCA Dome.

 

And from the "Hey, It Was Just Laying Around -- Let's Spend It" file, city and state officials got the $48 million by reducing a contingency fund for the construction of the Colts' new stadium from $90 million to $50 million (um, guys, now what are you gonna do if you run into more than $50 million in those unforseen-but-inevitable overruns?). 

 

Chargers QB Philip Rivers seems to be accepting the fact that his looming spot on the bench in 2005 traces to his protracted holdout in 2004.

 

POSTED 11:32 p.m. EDT, June 10, 2005

 

HILL LOST POWER STRUGGLE WITH ANDERSON?

 

We're hearing different rumors from our league sources regarding the basis for the Falcons' seemingly abrupt decision to fire V.P. of football operations Ron Hill.

 

One league source has told us that Hill essentially got the short stick in a power struggle with Executive Vice President/Chief Administrative Officer Ray Anderson, and that either Hill or Anderson was going to go.  Indeed, we hear that the folks at Anderson's prior place of employment, the Octagon sports agency, had been murmuring about Anderson's potential return in recent days.

 

The other reality in Hill's case is that he was tied closely to former coach Dan Reeves.  If anything, the most surprising aspect of Hill's departure is that he lasted for so many months after Reeves left the organization.

 

But the strangest thing about Hill's termination is, in our view, the specific timing.  With another year on his contract, for which team owner Arthur Blank is responsible unless Hill gets another gig, why not dump the guy in January when other jobs are coming open?  That way, the Falcons might have avoided paying Hill his full salary for a full season on the sidelines.

 

Still, with Tim Ruskell bolting from the Falcons for Seattle earlier in the offseason, it probably made sense for G.M. Rich McKay to keep Hill around through the draft, since the team otherwise would have been shorthanded.  But even under the theory that Atlanta kept Hill to help out with the selection of new rookies, why didn't they cut him loose in late April or early May?  That way, McKay could have made a run at Ruston Webster of the Bucs before he accepted a promotion to the position of director of player personnel in Tampa.

 

As it now stands, Hill is unlikely to land another NFL gig until after the 2005 season -- unless lifelong Giants fan Zygi "Triple Word Score" Wilf believes that Hill's connection to Reeves, who coached the G-men in the early 1990s, makes Hill a top candidate for the director of pro scouting gig currently held by Paul Wiggin, whose contract expired on June 1.

 

FINS ESCAPE LEAGUE SCRUTINY

 

We're told that the NFL won't stick a golf ball in the Dolphins' blow hole regarding their failure to interview minority candidates for the General Manager position recently handed to former Saints G.M. Randy Mueller.

 

Per a league source, the league office is throwing owner Wayne Huizenga a bone due in part to the team's failed effort to land the 2009 Super Bowl.  Last month, the 2009 game was awarded to Tampa, with Miami, Atlanta, and Houston the other finalists.

 

Technically, the so-called "Rooney Rule" (which requires teams to interview at least one minority candidate for head-coaching jobs) has not formally been extended to front office positions.  However, teams generally have been encouraged to follow the guidelines in connection with high-profile personnel gigs. 

 

The Fins have claimed that minority candidates were indeed interviewed for the General Manager job since the team relied upon the results of interviews conducted in 2004, before the job was given to Rick Spielman.  But several factors render this argument, in our opinion, more than a tad spurious.  First, new guys (Ruston Webster and Chris Polian) were interviewed for a front office gig in 2005.  Second, coach Nick Saban (to whom the G.M. reports) wasn't an employee of the team in 2004, so we doubt that he had any role in evaluating the candidates who interviewed last year.  Third, Mueller undoubtedly was "interviewed' by Saban, either in person or by phone, before a job offer was made; thus, the minority candidates interviewed in 2004 should have been contacted again before a final decision was made.

 

McQUARTERS LANDS IN McMOTOWN

 

Former Bears cornerback R.W. McQuarters has signed a one-year, $1.6 million contract with the Detroit Lions.

 

The Lions beat out the Vikings and Giants for McQuarters' services.  The 'Skins and Fins also were in the hunt, but only for deals at or near the NFL minimum.

 

Frankly, we wonder whether the Vikings were genuinely interested in McQuarters.  Initially, they weren't.  After the Lions hosted the former first-rounder, the Vikes got involved.  Could it be, then, that Minny tried to drive up the price that the Lions ultimately would have to pay by feigning a desire to add him to a secondary that already includes Antoine Winfield, Fred Smoot, Darren Sharper, and Corey Chavous?

 

The team's ulterior motive might have been to send a message to Chavous and/or cornerback Brian Williams that, if they're gonna to piss and moan about their contracts, they can and will be replaced.

 

In Detroit, McQuarters will be reunited with two of his former head coaches -- Steve Mariucci (who drafted him in San Fran in 1998) and Dick Jauron (who acquired him in a trade with the Niners in 2000).  The kicker here is that it was Mooch who gave up on McQuarters five years ago.  

 

Also, the team really doesn't have a need for McQuarters' skills as a kick returner, since Eddie Drummond is on the roster (if/when he signs his restricted free agent tender).

 

All told, it's a somewhat odd move that might have had more to do with necessity than luxury for a team with a defensive backfield that hasn't been able to slow down opposing offenses for much of the past several seasons.

 

POSTED 5:31 p.m. EDT, June 10, 2005

 

VERBA SHOPPING FOR NEW TEAM

 

As some league insiders believe that former Browns tackle Ross Verba and his agent, Tom Condon, already had a wink-nod-fart deal set up in a new team before Verba pissed and moaned his way out of Cleveland, Verba and Condon have commenced the formal search for a new team.

 

Condon sent a fax to all teams on Thursday indicating that Verba is available to talk terms.

 

The Texans and Bears are believed to be interested.  Both of those franchises and the Chiefs had been in the running for former Cards lineman L.J. Shelton, who signed last week with the Browns.

 

FRIDAY AFTERNOON ONE-LINERS

 

Dolphins DE Jason Taylor missed practice on Friday due to an undisclosed illness.

 

Bills coach Mike Mularkey seems to be okay with RB Willis McGahee's sporadic attendance at involuntary voluntary practices; "There's no question he's been working out," Mularkey said.  "You can tell, physically, he's a specimen."  (Impressive use of the King's English, Mike, given that most football types think a "specimen" is an Italian astronaut.)

 

The Windsor Journal gets up close and personal with The Human Valium.

 

The Pats have signed seventh-round TE Andy Stokes, the last player taken in the draft (we refuse to the dude as "Mr. Irrelevant," since getting selected by one of 32 NFL teams in a seven-round draft makes him anything but).

 

The Browns have found a worthy destination for two-thirds of the money that Ross Verba paid for his freedom; the team has coughed up 300 large to help save nine Cleveland-area high school football programs.

 

The Falcons have nothing to say regarding the factors that led to the termination of V.P. of player personnel Ron Hill.

 

Crazy Joe Davola is hoping to get a gig as a defensive end (you'd better hurry, Kyle, since the Arena League season ends on Sunday).

 

POSTED 9:25 a.m. EDT, June 10, 2005

 

MOSS DISSES DAUNTE

 

Vikings quarterback Daunte Culpepper now has even more motivation to build on the fact that he's led the NFC in passer rating for two straight seasons.

 

Former teammate Randy Moss, traded to the Raiders in March, says that the new guy who'll be throwing passes to him, Kerry Collins, is better than Daunte.

 

"When it comes to athleticism, Daunte has Kerry beat by a large margin," Moss recently said.  "But Kerry has pocket presence and knows how to read defenses.  So Kerry has a slight step over Daunte."

 

Ouch.  We know that Moss' words likely are fueled by his desire to suck up to his new quarterback and by the fact that he thinks Culpepper turned his back on Moss prior to the deal that sent the more-trouble-than-he's-worth superstar to the Bay Area.  But Culpepper will, in our view, look to that quote every week during the 2005 season, and he'll do everything in his power to take the team to heights they never were able to achieve with Moss on the roster.

 

SEYMOUR STIFFS PATS

 

It was inevitable, in our view.  Sooner or later, someone was gonna upset the golden apple cart in New England, putting his own personal fortunes in front of the carefully crafted (or, as some say, manipulated) notion that the road to long-term happiness is paved not with financial security but with the personal satisfaction that flows from being on a high-end football team.

 

And who better (or worse) to do it than a guy who has spent his first four season in the league winning three Lombardis and, relatively speaking, earning far less Benjamins?

 

So defensive end Richard Seymour is making a stand.  He's staying away from the team's current mandatory minicamp, apparently due to displeasure with his contract.

 

''I don't have any comment on the contract situation; I don't have any comment on the discipline situation," coach Bill Belichick said. ''He's under contract and he's not here.  That's really all I have to say about it."

 

The Boston Globe says that Seymour can be fined up to $1,000 a day for his absence from the camp.  The Boston Herald reports that the fine can be up to $9,310 a day. 

 

Regardless of the total amount of the penalty he faces, Seymour is angling for a far bigger prize.  Tedy Bruschi's stroke likely was a splash of cold water in Seymour's face, and the Pro Bowler surely has figured out that he needs to get that big payday while he still has the tools to command one.

 

It's the flip side, frankly, of the dynamic that attracted guys like Rodney Harrison, Corey Dillon, and Chad Brown to New England.  They made their money -- so they were willing to take less to get their rings.

 

Seymour has his rings.  So now he wants the money.

 

Though the new Pats have faced problems like this with guys who were scheduled to make more money than the team wanted to pay, they've yet to have a high-end player demand more money with multiple years left on his contract.  

 

Will they take a hard line like the Eagles?  Or will they let him walk away like the Browns?

 

Our guess is that it'll be something in between, and that in the end they'll find a way to win games with him or without him. 

 

FRIDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS


Eagles coach Andy Reid says that the Eagles can get to where they want to go without T.O.

 

There's nothing like a felony arrest, a potential mandatory minimum sentence of three years, and the possible forfeiture of more than $9 million in bonus money to get a guy to return the phone calls of a Hall of Fame coach.

 

Former Dolphins and Bengals OT Richmond Webb has retired (yeah, and so has Ron Yary).

 

Vikings RB Michael Bennett had some 'splain' to do after he left a handgun between the seats of a car rented by QB Daunte Culpepper.

 

Packers coach Mike Sherman hopes that WR Javon Walker will show up for minicamp (and I hope I find $50,000 in an old pair of pants this weekend).

 

Recent reports regarding individual and team jersey sales might not be completely accurate (and if the NFL weren't so damn uptight, the top seller wouldn't be Randy Moss, but Ron Mexico).

 

Chuck Finder of The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette tiptoes around the notion that former Steelers OL Terry Long might have committed suicide (dude, dead men can't sue for defamation).

 

Steelers DT Chris Hoke was rewarded for his stand-in performance in 2004 with a three-year, $2.7 million contract extension (and that could be money well spent if the team can't get starter Casey Hampton signed to a long-term deal).

 

Vikings coach Mike Tice is convinced that he needs to add another running back, even as he professes his love and devotion for the Whizzinator.

 

The 'Skins have been scalped; they'll lose three days of workouts for violating the rules regarding offseason practices.

 

CB R.W. McQuarters apparently won't be signing with the Redskins; he'll likely land with the Giants or the Vikings.

 

Ravens first-round WR Mark Clayton was held out of practice after tweaking a hamstring that he injured during the team's rookie minicamp.

 

There's a flap in the 'Burgh regarding the aesthetic qualities of so-called "ticket resale zones."

 

POSTED 12:09 a.m. EDT, June 10, 2005

 

NO TALKIE TO THE NICKTATOR

 

Word in both NFL and college circles is that the Miami Dolphins have advised team employees that they should not be making small talk with new coach Nick Saban.  We're told that a memo to this effect has been circulated, reminding the help that the Nicktator generally should not be bothered by the "Hi, how ya doin'?" trivialities of life in an office setting.

 

The memo, we hear, also explains to employees that, even though the Nicktator's office door might be open, it's not an invitation to plop ass in a chair and chat.

 

This info meshes with rumors we'd heard several months back regarding the dressing down by Saban of an employee who stocked his office with the wrong kind of Little Debbie snack cakes, and regarding a secretarial-type who was told not to speak to Saban after she complimented him on a haircut.

 

Saban also isn't likely to be making friends outside the building.  When new General Manager Randy Mueller was hired on June 6, he was not made available to the media.  Likewise, the team's media policy says that any requests for information from Mueller must expressly be approved in advance by Saban.

 

In our view, none of this crap really matters, if the Fins win under Saban.  But if they don't, no one in the organization or the media will be ready to cut Saban any slack -- and the calls for his head will be intense.

 

VERBA ALREADY HAD A SUITOR?

 

In the wake of offensive tackle Ross Verba's release from the Browns, a league source has opined to us that Verba and agent Tom Condon likely had a new team quietly lined up for the veteran lineman before Verba went public last month with his refusal to play for the team under his current contract, and his desire to move on if a new deal isn't given to him.

 

"Not only does [Condon] have another suitor for Verba's services," the source said, "he had them some time ago or there would not have been this whole charade from the beginning.  This guy was forcing himself out, because [Condon] already has something.  If [Condon] didn't, that asshole Verba wouldn't be kicking and screaming.

 

"If they don't have anything, Verba is even dumber than he appears and it was a very poor job of Condon managing the situation."

 

The source's money is on Verba already having something lined up.  "[Condon] doesn't have to worry about the long-arm of the law because they reside in his back pocket.  Do you think the league wants to go after a guy that represents the NFLPA [executive direcor Gene Upshaw] and piss him off ?"

 

The other side of the coin here is that the Browns have allowed themselves to be backed into creating a bad precedent.

 

"They have now let it be known," said the source, "if you want out of Browns-Town, make enough noise, act like a jackass and you'll get your way.  [I'm] not sure it's a good idea to show that you will reward that type of behavior."

 

Amen, source.  The Browns should have taken a page from the Eagles' "Negotiating with Players Who Are Not Inclined To Honor Their Current Contracts" handbook and told Verba that he has a contract, and that he can either play according to its terms . . . or not play at all.

 

POSTED 7:42 a.m. EDT, June 9, 2005

 

WEAVER-ROONEY PROPOSAL MAKES SENSE

 

The more we think about it, the more we like the revenue-sharing proposal offered up by Jacksonville owner Wayne Weaver and Steelers chairman Dan Rooney.

 

The plan, which inexplicably has been ignored by the media since it was posted on the Jags' official web site on June 7, calls for teams to contribute 34 percent of their local revenues into a pool that would be distributed equally among the 32 teams.

 

Though it's expected that big-money guys like Jerry Jones and Dan Snyder will balk at the proposal, the move would not take much of a dent out of their bottom lines.

 

If, for example, the Cowboys make $100 million in local revenue and the league average is $50 million, the 'Boys would kick $34 million into the pot and get $17 million back.

 

So the total cost to the 'Boys would be only 17 percent of their currently unshared revenues -- not much of a sacrifice, in our view, in order to help preserve competitive balance.

 

In fact, we think that Weaver and Rooney should have come out of the gates with a higher percentage, since the Jones/Snyder crowd is hard-wired to negotiate everything.  If, for example, the Jacksonville-Pittsburgh plan had initially called for half of the local revenues to be paid, pooled, and parsed out, negotiations then could have eased it back to 34.  

 

By leading off at 34, there definitely will be an effort to knock it down to 25.

 

And that dynamic in and of itself highlights the current disparity between the members of the Billionaire Boys Club.  Weaver and Rooney likely believe that owners shouldn't have to negotiate with other owners, if they truly are partners.  But for Jones and Snyder, everything is business -- and every item of business is negotiable. 

 

VERBA TAKES BIG GAMBLE

 

How badly did Browns tackle Ross Verba want out of Cleveland?  Enough to return a $465,000 roster bonus in order to gain his freedom.

 

So Verba agreed to repay the money on Wednesday, and the team will release him.

 

The question now becomes whether Verba will find a team that is willing to pay him more than the total compensation of $3.39 million that he was set to earn in 2005 with the Browns.

 

Some league insiders believe that Verba will have a hard time finding a team that is willing to pay him anything more than the league minimum on a one-year deal.  Verba has said that he wants a long-term contract worth more than $30 million.

 

The deeper question here is whether Verba's agent, Tom Condon, gauged the market for Verba's services elsewhere before Verba agreed to cough up nearly a half million bucks.  Sure, teams aren't allowed to negotiate with players under contract elsewhere, but the Browns essentially gave Verba and Condon a blank check to talk terms with other teams when Cleveland recently authorized Verba to shop his services via a trade.

 

The Texans, Bears, and Chiefs were in the market for the services of L.J. Shelton, who signed last week with Verba's Browns.  It makes sense, then, that Condon would have contacted each of those three teams once given permission to shop Verba.

 

"We're certainly cognizant of teams that look to have a need at the position and we hit them off the bat," said Condon.  "We also go through the remainder of the other 31 teams."

 

And unless Condon got a strong indication that one of those three teams will pay Verba more than the $3.39 million he left behind in Cleveland, it was stoopid -- to say the least -- for Verba to write a check for 465 large . . . and to pass on weekly pay of $172,000.

 

THURSDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

 

Agent Drew Rosenhaus strongly hinted that T.O. won't show for training camp without a new contract -- and the Eagles have made it clear that he ain't getting one.

 

Packers RB Najeh "Dookie" Davenport showed off that "U" education in 'splaining that, even though he's hired agent Drew Rosenhaus, the prospect of holding out has not crossed the tailback's mind:  "No.  Why?  What have I did? . . . . Everyone wants a new contract.  Who don't?"

 

Ditto for Bengals WR Chad Johnson, another Rosenhaus client who wants a new contract; says Johnson, "85 ain't going nowhere."

 

The Rams have put DE Jay Williams back on the open market after giving him a $300,000 signing bonus earlier in the offseason.

 

CB Deion Sanders officially has rejoined the Ravens for a second season, and he's already in Prime Time form:  "I gave everyone a commercial last year.  I want to give them a movie."  (Yeah, and we'll call it Close Encounters of the Turd Kind.)

 

The Packers supposedly are interested in USC DT Manuel Wright, who'll be available in the July 14 supplemental draft; Green Bay director of college scouting John Dorsey predicts that Wright will go in the third or fourth round.

 

The Jets have signed sixth-round RB Cedric Houston to a four-year deal with a bonus of just under $100,000.

 

The Pack capped off practice on Wednesday with a game of dodge ball.

 

As doctors continue to search for the cause of Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren chest pain, which affected him three times in ten days, the Big Show was back on the job Wednesday; "I figured if I stayed away two days, my parking place would be gone and someone would grab my chair in my office."

 

With the pickings slimmer than the breakfast buffet at a fat farm,  the Packers generally do not plan to sign any more free agents.

 

In an effort to help QB Chris Simms not fumble the snap, the Bucs have changed the way that Simms presses his meat hooks into the centers meat chute.

 

Michael Felger of The Boston Herald looks at the position battles that will unfold for the Pats.

 

Green Bay OT Kevin Barry weigh 336 pounds, down from 350; "That's like throwing a lawn chair off the Titanic," said teammate Mark Tauscher (Mark, we need you to write some copy for us).

 

Lions WR Charles Nelson Rogers tells the media that he's getting back in the "flow" (which must mean that another broken bone can't be too far away).

 

As expected, Dolphins DT Tim Bowens has retired due to back problems.

 

OL Brian Waters made an appearance at Chiefs camp, and he insists that he's not holding out for more money.

 

Seahawks WR Alex Bannister, a candidate to replace Koren Robinson, suffered a shoulder injury that could cause him to miss most of training camp.

 

Colts CB Joseph Jefferson will move to safety in order to help fill the void when Mike "Deadwood" Doss is suspended for at least one game.

 

Pack S Mark Roman says that his performance only became an issue when the former defensive coaching staff was trying to save their jobs.

 

Jets QB Chad Pennington still hasn't thrown a football following surgery to repair a rotator cuff that the team initially claimed wasn't torn.

 

The California Supreme Court will take up the Raiders' claim that the 2001 verdict in the NFL's favor regarding ownership of the L.A. market was tainted by juror misconduct.

 

The Green Bay linebacker formerly known as Raynoch hopes to bitch-knock Hannibal Navies out of the starting lineup.

 

Is that a kicking tee in your pocket or do you just want more of the best pro football scoop anywhere?  If so, click here for every other word we've written since May 2002.

 




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