We usually keep plenty of notes regarding possible topics for the Ten-Pack, by typing the ideas into a blank e-mail message that the Poobah then sends to the Poobah after the Sunday games.

This week, however, someone must have spilled nandrolone on the official PFT laptop, because the e-mail didn't get sent.

So we had to start from scratch.  Oddly, these re-created ten takes might be better than anything we had in our notes.

1.  Brad Johnson Is Not The Second Lowest Paid Starter (But Perhaps Should Be).

Earlier this year, the sock puppets (primarily of the ESPN variety) were proclaiming that Vikings quarterback Brad Johnson was the lowest paid starting quarterback in the NFL.

We reminded them that, actually, Charlie Frye of the Browns will make a lower salary this season than Johnson's paltry $1 million.

So on Monday night the sock puppets were finally 'splaining that, other than Charlie Frye, Johnson makes the least money of any starting quarterback.

And, of course, they've neglected to consider that Bruce Gradkowski and his $275,000 salary is now the starter in Tampa.  They've also overlooked Andrew Walter of the Raiders, who like Frye is making $350,000 this year.

Even Dallas starter Tony Romo, at $900,000, trails Johnson.  (However, Romo got a signing bonus as part of his recent renegotiation.)  Ditto for Joey Harrington of the Fins, whose base salary is only $800,000, but who got some more money up front.

Injury replacements Damon Huard of the Chiefs ($710,000) and Seneca Wallace of the Seahawks ($700,000) also are behind Brad.

Of course, all of the boo-hooing about Brad's contract ended on Monday night, once he started throwing all of those passes to wide open Patriots.

So should he get a raise?  Hell no.  But then we got a glimpse of Brooks "And Done" Bollinger, and we realize that he's not ready to do the job, either.

Our suggestion?  See if Johnson can "manage" the team into a wild-card berth and early exit from the playoffs.  If he can't, it's time for Tarvaris Jackson to get his chance to shine.

2.  America's Pastime Gets Passed Over In St. Louis.

We received several e-mails on Sunday from irate readers in St. Louis, where the local CBS affiliate pre-empted an NFL double-header in order to televise the (yawn) parade celebrating the Cardinals' World Series win.  (The FOX station carried the Rams at the Chargers, which had a late afternoon kickoff.)

There was no chance for the locals to take in either the stirring Colts-Broncos shootout or any of the early CBS games, which included the Jags at the Eagles and the Ravens at the Saints.

To make matters worse, subscribers to the DirecTV Sunday Ticket package were doubly screwed, since the Colts-Broncos game was blacked out on the deesh . . . because it was supposed to be shown locally.  (We mentioned several weeks back that DirecTV apparently had abandoned that policy.  Though none of the games on the PFT official deesh have been blocked this year, it appears that the rule still applies elsewhere.)

Look, we realize that it's a big deal in St. Louis that the Cardinals won the World Series.  But football is football, and how can a CBS affiliate not show one of the best NFL games of the year? 

3.  FOX Has Fun With Halloween.

We're not real big on the pagan ritual otherwise known as Halloween.  Actually, we're not into any holiday that doesn't involve people buying stuff for us.

But we at least like to see an effort by the networks to weave some of the Halloween atmosphere into its broadcasts.

This year, the clear winner was FOX.  The stupid-ass robot that preens and runs in place after commercial breaks had a jack-o-lantern head for Sunday's offerings.  The set for the pre-game show was decorated appropriately.  Jillian Barbaro was dressed as a skanky middle-aged broad.  (Oh, wait . . . never mind.)  They were poking fun at Curt Menefee's resemblance to Rerun from What's Happening!!  Jay Glazer was wearing a Little Richard-type wig for his report from the site of the game he was working -- and he said before taking it off that the Rogaine finally kicked in.

Meanwhile, CBS and NBC barely acknowledged that it was Halloween weekend.  ESPN gave it a half-assed try, with Chris Berman launching Sunday NFL Countdown by doing a Bela Lugosi that sounded a lot like an impression of John Facenda doing an impression of Lugosi.  But then the holiday was pretty much ignored by ESPN, until some crappy graphics were superimposed over the "I'm Hank Williams, Jr. bitch!" segment at the start of the Monday night game.  And there weren't nearly enough shots of fans at the game who were dressed up for the occasion, unlike past Monday night games from late October.

The worst part of the evening, of course, was the homage to the Milwaukee sausage races, which featured fans wearing large masks and costumes intended to resemble Chris Berman, Joe Theismann a/k/a Joey Sunshine, Tony Kornheiser a/k/a Kornholio, Mike Tirico a/k/a Clarence Thomas, Tom Jackson, Steve Young, and Michael Irvin.  It was embarrassingly bad, and we still can't understand how anyone concluded that it was a good idea. 

4.  Jets Get Jobbed.

Trailing 20-13 late in Sunday's game at Cleveland, Jets quarterback Chad Pennington found tight end Chris Baker in the end zone.  He jumped, caught the ball, and landed out of bounds.

The question was whether, but for the push that he received from a couple of Browns defenders, Baker would have landed with both feet in bounds.

Here's the video.

Per published reports, one official concluded that it was a so-called "force out" play, which would have pushed the game to 20-19, and put the Jets in position to tie the game with the extra point or take the lead with a two-pointer.  But another official thought Baker was out of bounds.

The officials huddled to discuss the situation, with the benefit of only their mind's-eye recollection to assist in the process.  And they decided that Baker would not have landed in bounds but for the push.

The post-game explanation was that the play was not reviewable.  Thus, the replay official could not buzz down to the referee, who then would have applied his own judgment to the available video images of the play.

Generally, we understand the reason for exempting judgment calls from replay review.  If the standard to overturn the call on the field is whether there is indisputable visual evidence that the "live" decision was wrong, judgment calls by definition are not susceptible to a finding that the decision made was indisputably wrong.

Could Baker have gotten down in bounds?  Could he not have?  It's inherently speculative, and to review the call via replay would be to substitute the judgment of the referee for the judgment of the guys who called it based on what they saw (and, in this case, based on what they remembered as to what they saw).

In theory, we're fine with that approach.  But when Mike Pereira 'splains this one on Wednesday's Total Access, we want Rich Eisen to ask him why there was a replay review of an identical call that went the other way in December 2003.

The Vikings were visiting the Cardinals, in what turned out to be the final game for Arizona head coach Dave McGinnis.  On a fourth-and-25 play following two consecutive sacks and with the last seconds ticking off of the clock, quarterback Josh McCown heaved a desperation pass to Nate Poole, who caught it at the back of the end zone and was pushed out before he could get his feet down.

The call on the field?  Touchdown.  Cardinals win. 

And the play was reviewed.

Though the call on the field stood, the reasons for not reviewing the Baker play on Sunday should have applied with equal force to the decision to review the Poole play. 

So if, as it appears, the rule is that the call is reviewable when the decision on the field is that the guy was forced out but the call is not reviewable when the decision on the field is that he wasn't, why didn't the officials in this case rule that he was forced out, if for no reason other than to give the referee an opportunity to make a determination based on video of the event -- and not on the imperfect (and contradictory) memories of the guys who were trying to piece it all together after the fact?

5.  Irvin To Tiki:  "Look at My Rings, Bitch."

Last Monday night, Michael Irvin of ESPN opined that Giants running back Tiki Barber is "quitting" on his team by making it known that he'll retire after the 2006 season.  "To me, in my head, that's quitting," Irvin said before the Giants and the Cowboys met in an ESPN-televised game.  "That's not retiring."

That same night, Tom Jackson of ESPN called the issue a distraction for the Giants. 

The next day, Barber responded on his weekly Sirius NFL Radio show by calling Jackson and Irvin "idiots" for their comments.

On Sunday, Irvin offered up a reply (or, as Professor Tiki might say, a rejoinder):  "My comments were to Tiki's ability to be an effective leader from this point forward.  And I always say that a man's opinion is only as good as his knowledge on that subject.  I was a primary leader on a team that won three Super Bowls in four years.  That's not me talking, those are the words of the players I led, and these words are well documented, and the Hall of Famers that led along side me.  I was hired to share those experiences and give my opinions on this desk.  And that's what I was doing last Monday night."

Translation:  "Look at my rings, bitch.  I won three Super Bowls, you ain't won sh-t.  So if I say you're quitting on your team, I'm right."

Frankly, we'd respect Irvin more if he had merely put his sentiments in those terms.  Instead, he delivered the thoughts in a clumsy monologue, which seemed even more awkward in light of the fact that the other "idiot" on the set, Tom Jackson, had nothing to say on the subject.

Our guess?  Irvin specifically asked for a chance to address the topic, and he did his best to come up with some high-road words in an effort to spruce up a low-road message.

6.  Rocks, Scissors, Patriots.

A reader pointed out to us after the Colts' win over the Broncos that a strange sort of rock, scissors, paper is breaking out in the AFC.

The Broncos own the Patriots.  The Colts own the Broncos.  The Patriots own the Colts.

(And, of course, the Steelers own the Broncos and the Colts, and the Patriots own the Steelers, but that won't matter much this year since the Steelers have gotten owned five times already.)

Whether the formula holds form depends on Sunday night, when this month's Game of the Century unfolds on the green beach of Gillette Stadium, between the Colts and the Patriots.

So when it comes time for these three teams to play in the postseason, the ultimate outcome could very well depend on who plays whom, and when.

7.  Ravens Ain't Sun Devils.

A year ago, as then-Trojans tailback Reggie Bush was torching squads like Arizona State and Fresno State, we wondered how he would hold up against a top-end NFL defense.

Reggie got a taste of one on Sunday.  And we're not sure that he wants another bite.

Ravens linebacker Bart Scott openly bragged that Bush is "just a guy," and Mike Preston of the Baltimore Sun concluded that Bush took a dive when facing a second quarter smack-down from Ray Lewis.

Meanwhile, Reggie's numbers are looking less impressive in comparison to his peers.  Through seven games, Bush has 212 yards rushing (3.0 average), 290 yards receiving (6.9 average), and 161 yards returning punts.

His total all-purpose yards of 663 trail Patriots rookie running back Laurence Maroney, who has 931 all-purpose yards.

We're not suggesting that Bush is a bust, but he's not Gale Sayers.  Or Walter Payton.  Or Barry Sanders.

Or Laurence Maroney.

8.  T.O.'s Revenge?

Three weeks ago, the Eagles were soaring at 4-1.  After a disastrous 2005 season, ruined by a pain in Donovan's groin (hernia) and a pain in the organization's ass (T.O.), the Eagles had bounced back convincingly, capped by a stirring win over Owens' new team.

Since then, however, something has happened to the Eagles.  Something very bad.  First, there was a narrow loss to the Saints.  Second, there was an improbable defeat at Tampa, where the Bucs stole the game from the Eagles on a 62-yard field goal. 

Then, the Jaguars came to town following a 27-7 thrashing by the Texans (the Texans?!?) and stifled the Eagles.

Throw in the fact that the Cowboys are now at 4-3, and suddenly looking like the team they were supposed to be all along, and the euphoria of that victory for the ages over the Cowboys and T.O. seems almost as misplaced as a container of steamed broccoli on Andy Reid's lazy Susan.

It's almost as if the football gods teased the Eagles and their fans into thinking that Owens and his new suitors would pay for T.O.'s antics, before turning the tables around making the Eagles the also-ran . . . and the Cowboys the real contenders in the NFC.

With that said, everything can change in an instant in the suddenly up-and-down NFL.  But 4-4 isn't where Philly expected to be at the turn, especially after winning four of the first five games.

9.  Steelers Are Definitely Done.

We've reserved this spot in the Ten-Pack over the past few weeks to chronicle the travails of the 2006 Steelers.  Three weeks ago, we declared them dead.  A week later, we put them back on life support.  Seven days ago, we pulled the plug.

Now, it's time to insert the embalming fluids.

The Steelers, at 2-5 and reeling from a loss at Oakland, are cooked.  They must win every remaining game on a schedule that includes the Broncos, Saints, Browns, Ravens, Bucs, Browns, Panthers, Ravens, and Bengals.

One more loss means that the team's best possible record will be 10-6.  (We is gooding at count.)  Maybe, just maybe, an 8-1 mark over the final nine contests will still get a spot in the playoff field.  But a loss to the Broncos coupled with prior losses to the Jags and the Chargers and the Bengals puts the Steelers in a tough spot when it comes to applying the tiebreakers. 

With that said, we think the Steelers will win this weekend at home against Denver.  But we don't think that Pittsburgh will go 8-1 or better down the stretch -- and we're starting to believe that the 8-8 record we predicted for this team might have been too charitable.

Finally, could anyone have envisioned that the combined mark of the participants in the season-opening playoff-atmosphere contest between the Steelers and Dolphins would be, excluding that game, 2-11 through eight weeks?

10.  What Was Tuna Waiting For?

How happy was old-school Cowboys coach Bill Parcells on Sunday after his team came from 14 down to beat the Panthers in their own park by 21?  Well, the guy was kissing more dudes than Paris Hilton in a penitentiary.

And we can understand why.  His decision to bench Drew "Limber as Timber" Bledsoe for Tony Romo was vindicated in the victory, especially after owner/G.M. Jerry Jones suggested last week that the move was a "step back."

But Romo's performance was so strong that we can't help but wonder why in the hell the Tuna didn't make the move sooner.  Romo was the talk of the league after his performance in the Cowboys' preseason game at Seattle, in which the youngster took every snap.  In turn, Bledsoe opened the season with three picks at Jacksonville, and was battered and ineffective in a loss to the Eagles.

Maybe Parcells knew that, if he'd benched Bledsoe before the trade deadline, Bledsoe would have demanded to be shipped out of town.  In the end, is it a coincidence that the former No. 1 overall draft pick was asked to take a seat in the first game after the annual expiration date for deals with other teams came and went?

Now, Parcells has an effective starter in place and a capable (arguably) veteran in the wings in the event of injury.  If the team had gone with Romo from the start of the season, Bledsoe might be playing in Tampa or Cleveland or Kansas City or Oakland by now, and Drew Henson would be a broken pinky away from being the guy to run the season into the ground.