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1.  "Gonna Lose, Now!"

You know, we're starting to wonder whether the New York Football Giants who play football on a football field are in danger of joining the ranks of the Lions and Cardinals as the rankiest of NFL organizations.

We've written in the past that retiring G.M. Ernie Accorsi deserves a heap of blame for his decision to assemble a collection of loudmouths, egomaniacs, and malcontents -- and to put them under the leadership of a spit-and-polish coach and a quarterback with the charisma of a toadstool.  

We're now starting to think that the ineptitude goes beyond the football operation.  

Why, you aks?  When the G-men hosted the Eagles on Sunday, the folks who run the video display thought it would be a hoot to display portions of the Rocky movies in which Mr. Balboa is getting the butt juice pounded out of him.

The reasoning was pretty simple.  Rocky is a Philly icon, as are the Eagles.  So the Giants were encouraged to do to the Eagles what various opponents have done to Rocky.

Apparently, none of the folks in the video booth had ever stuck around for the end of those movies.  You know, the part where Rocky starts lifting the other guy off of the ground with rib-shattering body blows until he falls down and can't get up.

We're also told that the video board displayed the portion of the movie Invincible in which the girlfriend of Marky Mark in the Giants T-shirt cheers for her team amid hostile Eagles fans at Veterans Stadium.  

We guess they didn't watch the rest of that movie, either.

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2.  Blocked Punt Call Was Correct.

We've gotten a flood of e-mails from readers who can't figure out why the Chargers retained possession of a blocked punt that was touched post-block by the Chiefs and then recovered by the Chargers.

Though San Diego gained possession short of the line to gain, and though no Chiefs player actually had possession of the ball before the Chargers got it back, the Chargers ended up with a first down and ten from their own 15.

It was a significant point in the game, to say the least.  Instead of putting the Chiefs in position to take a 10-7 lead, the new L.T. shot through the line and raced 85 yards to paydirt on the very next play.

So was the call on the blocked punt accurate?  Absolutely.

The rules are clear.  A scrimmage kick (i.e., a punt, placekick, or drop kick) from behind the line of scrimmage that is touched beyond the line of scrimmage by a member of the receiving team becomes a live ball, which can be recovered (but not advanced) by the kicking team.  The result?  First down for the kicking team from the spot of the recovery.

This rule applies even if the kick is first touched by the receiving team behind the line of scrimmage (i.e., a block).  It also applies if the member of the receiving team didn't intend to touch the ball.  The sole exception?  If the member of the receiving team is blocked into the ball by a member of the kicking team.

So in this case the punt was partially blocked by the Chiefs, and after the ball was past the line of scrimmage rookie Derrick Ross of the Chiefs swung an arm at the ball, and struck it.  The ball then was recovered by the Chargers.

The San Diego punter instantly made the first down motion for the Chargers, but then the umpire signaled first down, Chiefs. 

The umpire was wrong, and the error was quickly corrected.

Perhaps the best-known example of this phenomenon occurred on Thanksgiving Day, 1993.  That's when Leon Lett tried to recover a potential game-winning field goal that had been blocked by the Cowboys on the snow-covered Texas Stadium green cement.  His teammates, aware of the rule, were trying to get him to stay away.  But Lett touched the ball beyond the line of scrimmage, the Dolphins recovered it, and then attempted the field goal again.  And made it.  (The Cowboys would later win the Super Bowl that season, so it all worked out in the end for them.  Sort of.)

Video of the Lett incident used to be available on YouTube, but thanks to the NFL's legal department all that's now left is an image of the Algonquin round table that somehow resulted in the right call:

The message to every special teams coach and/or coordinator?  Coach your guys up to treat that ball like it's a d--k in a box once it crosses the line of scrimmage.

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3.  Vick Is A Punk.

We freely admit that we're not big fans of Michael Vick, the player or the person.  It's not all his fault; the media, the Falcons fans, and his owner have helped to create the monster.  He was shoved down our collective throats as the player who would revolutionize the quarterback position, and perhaps the game itself.  Nearly six season into his career, we're still waiting for him to show that he's something more than a really good running back with a strong but marginally accurate arm.

One of the key aspects of the quarterback position is the ability to lead his team.  Some have it (Tom Brady, Peyton Manning).  Some don't (Eli Manning).

In our opinion, Mike Vick doesn't.

The latest, and perhaps best, example?  After Saturday night's loss to the Cowboys, Vick was gushing about the fact that he had broken the single-season quarterback rushing record.

"It means a lot," Vick told Kara Henderson of NFLN, whose demeanor suggested that she might have been tempted to try a reverse Namath-and-Suzy on Ron Mexico.  "It's everything I worked for in my career.  I never thought I would reach it at this point in my career.  It's definitely a milestone that I'll be able to remember honor and cherish for a long time."

Are you f--king kidding me?  The single-season quarterback rushing record?  Honored and cherished?  Yeah, that one is right up there with the DiMaggio hitting streak and Kobayashi's wiener devouring record (and the most number of hot dogs he ever ate at one time).

Can anyone imagine Brady or Peyton Manning crowing about throwing for seven touchdown passes, if his team lost a key game?  A game that might keep his team out of the postseason?

Hey, Arthur Blank.  While you're processing the paperwork to terminate Jim Mora's employment, you'd be wise to fill out a pink slip for Mike Vick, too. 

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4.  An Argument Against Home Schooling.

During Sunday night's NBC game between the Chiefs and the Chargers, Kansas City defensive end Jared Allen announced during his intro that he was home schooled.

If Allen is the typical product of home schooling, we recommend that Congress pass a law against it.  Right now.

Allen, a good player, is a turd to top all turds.  As one league source opined to us earlier this year, Allen should be in jail.

Disagree?  Check out our item from September 30 of this year.

Of course, it's possible that Allen was home schooled simply because he was kicked out of every real school that he ever attended. 

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5.  Like Brother . . . Not Like Brother.

As the football viewing public is learning, there's a big difference between Bryant Gumbel and Greg Gumbel.  And it's not simply that opossum that crawled into jet-black paint before climbing onto Greg's head and dying.  Greg Gumbel is an extraordinary play-by-play man.  And Bryant, well, isn't.

Last week, he referred to Niners back Frank Gore as "Al Gore."  He has alerted us to the "three minute warning," and he made reference to the "shot clock."  In the debut game on NFLN, he referred to an injured player's potential return as "debatable."

He refused to name the long snapper after a bad snap, because (as he said) that's the only time his name ever gets mentioned.  (On Sunday, Greg didn't hesitate to finger James Dearth of the Jets after he rolled one back to the holder.)

Fortunately for the ever-proud Bryant, not many people have actually witnesses his performances.

And while we're on the subject of the NFLN's football coverage, why in the world did we have to be subjected to Dick Vermeil's Patty-and-Selma impression for an hour and a half on Saturday night?  Vermeil was sick (it happens from time to time to old guys), and his voice was shot.  But they left him in the booth, where the substance of his thoughts was lost in the nails-on-chalkboard sound that carried the message.

Eventually, Marshall Faulk joined Gumbel and Vermeil.  For the second half, Vermeil skedaddled, and Deion Sanders helped call the game.  

We hate to say this, but Deion actually wasn't all that bad.  The Winter Olympics it wasn't (dig at Gumbel), but the three-man booth of Gumbel, Faulk, and Sanders worked pretty well.

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6.  Pulling A Costanza?

Regarding Bryant Gumbel, we were somewhat surprised by his comments from last Thursday night regarding the question of whether it's a good idea for the NFL to play games on Thursday nights.  Though he acknowledged that he might be "biting the hand that feeds" himself and partner Cris Collinsworth, Gumbel raised the issue, and he and the smarmy buzzard deliberated it.

Collinsworth actually made a good point -- the Thursday night games should be played earlier in the year, when the team's are fresher (and better able to get ready to play on a short week), and when the NFLN is less likely to get a stinker of a game between teams with bad records.

Though we doubt that Gumbel wants to get fired (a la Mr. Costanza), our guess is that, subconsciously or otherwise, Gumbel has made a few intentionally controversial remarks this year so that, if/when the NFLN decides to "go in a different direction," people will think it happened because his teeth are embedded in Steve Borstein's palm -- and not because Gumbel flat-out stinks as a play-by-play guy.

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7.  The Dangers Of One-Year Deals For Veteran Quarterbacks.

With backup quarterback Jeff Garcia leading the Eagles on an unlikely late-season playoff run, the powers-that-be in Philly have a tough choice ahead of them.

We're not suggesting that the Eagles should displace the annually injured Donovan McNabb with Garcia, although it's our understanding that there has been talk of teammates relating better to the former 49ers, Browns, and Lions starter.  But with Garcia only under contract through the end of the 2006 and a couple of teams who run the West Coast offense possibly in the market for a starter in 2007 (Minnesota and Tampa), the Eagles might have to pay a little more (to say the least) than the veteran minimum in order to get Garcia back for 2007, so that the team will have a capable backup ready if/when the next thing on McNabb breaks, tears, or herniates.

If Garcia takes the Eagles to the playoffs, his price will go up.  If the Eagles win a playoff game or two, the price will nudge higher.  If they somehow make it to the Super Bowl, we think it'll take something like a five-year, $25 million deal to keep him around.

It's always good to have a veteran backup quarterback who can play.  But there's a valuable lesson to be learned regarding the Garcia experience.

The veteran backup should never be signed to a one-year deal, in the event that he plays -- and plays well -- during that one year.

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8.  "Our Country" Oddity.

When the season started and NBC began to air the GMC commercial with variety of football-related images and a soundtrack of John Mellencamp's "Our Country," we were awestruck.  Best commercial we'd ever seen.  It gave us goose bumps, and a tear or two in the corner of the eye.

Then we (and we suspect thousands of others) grew numb to the spot, primarily because a flood of non-football GMC commercials with the "Our Country" tune invaded the airwaves.

But we still will stop and watch the Sunday night long version from time to time, and we recently noticed something strange about one of the video images.  At one point, a member of the Chiefs jumps into the arms of a teammate.  In the background there are players from the team that the Chiefs were playing, but the helmet logo can't be discerned.

Then we saw part of the NFLN show about the 1969 Chiefs, part of the one-a-week review of the best teams to win a Super Bowl.  There we saw the same shot, and it was obvious that the players in the background were members of the Minnesota Vikings.

So the next time we saw the GMC commercial, we fired up the TiVo.  And, lo and behold, GMC covered up the Vikings helmet logo and otherwise made the footage so neutral that there was no way to conclude that the opposing team was the Vikings.

But why?  GMC is the official automobile sponsor of the NFL, so it has access to the team logos.  The decision to conceal the Vikings logo makes no sense at all.

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9.  AFC Playoff Scenarios.

The postseason field is as big of a mess as it's ever been.  So let's take a look at where things stand in the AFC, with two games to play

The Chargers, at 12-2, have clinched the AFC West.  They'll lock up home field throughout the playoffs this weekend if they beat the Seahawks and if the Ravens lose to the Steelers.

The Ravens, at 11-3, need to win out and have the Chargers lose once.  If the Colts also win out, all three will be tied as to record and win-loss percentage in the conference.  So the No. 1 seed will be determined by looking first at the win-loss percentage in common games, then by strength of victory, then by strength of schedule, and so on for five more steps until a coin toss.

The Colts, at 11-3, have clinched the division.  They can clinch the second seed with one win and a Ravens loss.

The Patriots, at 10-4, will clinch the AFC East with one win or one loss by the Jets.

The Jets, conversely, can win the division by winning their last two games, and if the Pats lose their last two.

For the Wild Card, it's a full-out clusterfudge.  Four teams are tied at 8-6:  the Jags, the Bengals, the Jets, and the Broncos.  None of them can clinch a wild card spot with a win this weekend.

Still alive are the Bills, Steelers, Titans, and Chiefs, each at 7-7.

That's eight teams for two spots.  And in each division there is an 8-6 second-place team and a 7-7 third-place team still eligible for the playoffs.

Our updated AFC seeding projection:  1. Chargers; 2. Ravens; 3. Colts; 4. Patriots; 5. Broncos; 6. Steelers.

Wild Card round:  Steelers over Colts; Pats over Broncos.

Divisional round:  Chargers over Steelers; Ravens over Pats.

AFC Championship:  Ravens over Chargers.

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10.  NFC Playoff Scenarios.

In the other conference, it's nearly as big of a mess.

Dallas, at 9-5, will win the NFC East by beating the Eagles on Christmas Day.  But if they lose to the Eagles and Philly beats Atlanta on New Year's Eve, the Eagles are the champs of the division.

Amazingly, Dallas has clinched a playoff spot even though the Cowboys could still finish third in the division.  If the 'Boys lose the next two, and if the Giants win the next two, they both would be 9-7.  But since the Giants have a better record in the division, the Cowboys would be the six seed.

Though some readers think that the NFL is, you know, wrong about its proclamation that the Cowboys have clinched a playoff berth, we're certain that Dallas is in.  The key is that both the 'Boys and the Giants beat the Falcons this season.  So if the Cowboys lose out and the Giants and Falcons win out, the Eagles would emerge from the three-way NFC East tie due to the best division record, and the Falcons would drop out of the three-way tie for the two wild card spots.

In the NFC North, the Bears have locked up the No. 1 seed.

The Saints, at 9-5, can clinch the No. 2 seed with a win and a Dallas loss.

The Seahawks, at 8-6, will win the West with one victory or one 49ers loss.  Conversely, the 49ers can swipe the division is the 'Hawks lose to the Chargers and the Bucs, and if the 49ers beat the Cardinals and the Broncos.

The other teams still in the hunt for a wild card berth are the Packers, Vikings, and Rams, at 6-8.  The Panthers have been mathematically eliminated, even though they also are 6-8.

Our updated projections:  1.  Bears; 2. Saints; 3. Cowboys; 4. Seahawks; 5. Eagles; 6. Giants.

In the Wild Card round, we like the Cowboys over the Giants and the Eagles over the Seahawks.  

In the divisional round, we'll go with the Eagles over the Bears and the Cowboys over the Saints.  

And then we like the Cowboys over the Eagles in the T.O. Bowl, Part 3.

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