PFT POWER RANKINGS

WEEK FIVE

1.  New England Patriots (5-0):  Wow, the Pats are slipping.  They only won by 17.         

2.  Indianapolis Colts (5-0):  If former CFL guy Kenton Keith continues to perform well as the backup to Joseph Addai, maybe they'll sign Akili Smith to serve as the understudy to Peyton Manning.   

3.  Dallas Cowboys (5-0):  T.O. is freezing out the media prior to Sunday's showdown with the Pats, and we have a feeling that he won't have much to say after it, either.   

4.  Pittsburgh Steelers (4-1):  No Hampton, no Ward, no Polamalu, no Whisenhunt, no Grimm, no Hartings.  No problemo. 

5.  Tennessee Titans (3-1):  Albert Haynesworth will make it to the Hall of Fame if he signs one-year contracts for the rest of his career. 

6.  Green Bay Packers (4-1):  We didn't think that the lack of a running game would hurt this team until December.  We were two months off.   

7.  Jacksonville Jaguars (3-1):  The Jags are so good this year that they might actually be able to beat the Texans.

8.  New York Giants (3-2):  They really miss Tiki Barber. 

9.  Washington Redskins (3-1):  Could this be the best team no one is talking about? 

10.  Seattle Seahawks (3-2):  In a "What have you done for me lately?" league, Shaun Alexander is getting paid handsomely for what he did two years ago. 

11.  Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-2):  Maybe they can get Jake Plummer to come out of retirement . . . to play tailback.

12.  Arizona Cardinals (3-2):  The good news?  Kurt Warner is the starting quarterback.  The bad news?  The name "Brenda Warner" is about to re-enter the American sports lexicon.

13.  Carolina Panthers (3-2):  The Panthers signed Vinny Testaverde only because Sid Luckman wouldn't return their calls.  

14.  Baltimore Ravens (3-2):  It was fitting that the Ravens treated their reunion with Trent Dilfer like a game from the 2000 season -- score no touchdowns, win.

15.  Detroit Lions (3-2):  Offensive coordinator Mike Martz could be leaving the team after the season, but not because he's getting a head coaching job somewhere else.        

16.  Chicago Bears (2-3):  Quarterback Brian Griese's new strategy for minimizing interceptions is to aim his throws at the defensive players.  

17. San Diego Chargers (2-3):  Does beating a crappy team that's on the verge of a complete implosion really qualify as proof that the Chargers are back? 

18.  Houston Texans (3-2):  Travis Johnson visited a cemetery this week to yell at some of the dead people. 

19.  Oakland Raiders (2-2):  Coach Lane Kiffin, on his old team's stunning upset loss:  "Man, what an embarrassment.  Even we could beat Stanford.  I think."   

20.  Cleveland Browns (2-3):  Eric Steinbach's definition of "class" is owning a yacht.  And operating it while drunk on Keystone Light.   

21.  Denver Broncos (2-3):  Given his history of personnel decisions, Coach Kevlar's long-term replacement for Travis Henry could be Mike Vick. 

22.  San Francisco 49ers (2-3):  Mike Nolan might want to quit wearing those suits; he needs to keep them clean for his upcoming job interviews. 

23.  Cincinnati Bengals (1-3):  In an effort to prove that he's not selfish, Mucho Stinko's touchdown celebration this week will be only 40 seconds in length.        

24.  Philadelphia Eagles (1-3):  The only thing we think Andy Reid definitely won't quit is eating donuts.  

25.  Kansas City Chiefs (2-3):  The best cure for a struggling running back is to play a team with no linebackers. 

26.  Buffalo Bills (1-4):  G.M. Marv Levy peed his pants after the Cowboys came back to win the game.  (Then again, he also did it in the first quarter.  And in the second.)

27.  New York Jets (1-4):  Coach Eric Mangini might want to try to build on that Sopranos cameo.     

28.  Atlanta Falcons (1-4):  If Mike Vick hadn't been suspended, this team could be as good as 2-3.     

29.  New Orleans Saints (0-4):  The Saints might want to re-bury that coffin.  With Sean Payton in it.         

30.  Minnesota Vikings (1-3):  The Vikings offense is so bad that they couldn't score on a bye week sex cruise.   

31.  Miami Dolphins (0-5):  Could the Fins pull off the bizarro version of their 1972 season?  

32.  St. Louis Rams (0-5):  Finally, rookie tailback Brian Leonard gets a chance to experience the true Rutgers football tradition.