PFT POWER RANKINGS
WEEK THREE
1. New England Patriots (3-0): Apparently, it's going to take more than 38 points to beat this team.
2. Indianapolis Colts (3-0): Their star running back essentially told the Texans to eat sh-t and Addai.
3. Pittsburgh Steelers (3-0): Fast start could be the product of an early slate of creampuffs.
4. Dallas Cowboys (3-0): Love 'em or hate 'em, football ain't football unless the Cowboys are good.
5. Green Bay Packers (3-0): Not having a running game isn't the ideal offensive strategy for January football.
6. Seattle Seahawks (2-1): Apparently, God was too busy fixing Jon Kitna's noggin to heal Shaun Alexander's hand.
7. Chicago Bears (1-2): So will the next chant be "Kyle" . . . or will it be "Orton"?
8. Denver Broncos (2-1): Only a guy with unlimited job security can make a fourth-down gamble so deep in his own end with so much time left on the clock. Or draft Maurice Clarett in round three. Or Marcus Thomas in round four.
9. Cincinnati Bengals (1-2): When they leave Cincy after Monday night's game, the Patriots might want to check the plane for any stowaways who have gold teeth and an affinity for Spanish numbers.
10. Tennessee Titans (2-1): Vince Young plans to spend part of the bye week throwing steaks at his nephew.
11. San Diego Chargers (1-2): When updating his resume, A.J. Smith might want to leave out the "hired two-time loser to be head coach" thing.
12. Houston Texans (2-1): Everything really is bigger in Texas. Including the injuries.
13. Baltimore Ravens (2-1): Hey, Ray Lewis -- Jamal Lewis says you're a pussy.
14. Washington Redskins (2-1): Hey, it's hard for a team that hasn't had a big lead in a while to figure out how to hold onto it.
15. Detroit Lions (2-1): Apparently, God wanted to keep Jon Kitna healthy long enough for Reggie White's old team to beat the crap out of him.
16. San Francisco 49ers (2-1): Niners fans wish Norv Turner was back in San Fran almost as much as Chargers fans do.
17. Carolina Panthers (2-1): David Carr could finally get a second chance to prove that he's . . . not a very good quarterback.
18. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-1): When assistant head coach Mike Tice saw "Bye" on this week's schedule, he said, "Okay, see you later."
19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-1): Jake Plummer is having second thoughts. (Not about retiring -- about driving a Honda Element.)
20. Arizona Cardinals (1-2): Coach Ken Whisenhunt is close to convincing Matt Leinart that, even if he only takes the first snap of the game, he's still the "starting quarterback."
21. New York Jets (1-2): Should a three-point win over the Dolphins really count as a win?
22. Philadelphia Eagles (1-2): Never before has a victory over the Lions provoked so much euphoria.
23. Oakland Raiders (1-2): Lane Kiffin celebrated his first NFL win with a cold beer. Right after he showed the waitress his driver's license.
24. Cleveland Browns (1-2): Hey, Jamal Lewis -- Ray Lewis says you're a pussy.
25. Kansas City Chiefs (1-2): Maybe they should move Jared Allen to tailback.
26. New York Giants (1-2): Thirteen more of those, and Tom Coughlin might have a job next year.
27. Minnesota Vikings (1-2): Apparently, Brad Childress has gotten the scoring rules of football confused with the scoring rules of golf.
28. Miami Dolphins (0-3): Faced with the possibility of getting reinstated to this team, Ricky Williams is lighting up one of those big-ass Cheech and Chong joints.
29. St. Louis Rams (0-3): Marc Bulger will need a brain, a heart, the nerve, and pretty much every other body part by the time this season is over.
30. New Orleans Saints (0-3): Reggie Bush might average more than 3.0 yards per carry against the relatively soft defense of the "Open Date."
31. Buffalo Bills (0-3): When Marv Levy now asks the players, "If there anyplace you'd rather be than right here, right now?," they each submit a 200-page list.
32. Atlanta Falcons (0-3): Now we know why Mike Vick was so calm when he apologized publicly for dog fighting.
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