Updated April 26, 2006

Hello my little fleshies, Dante is back with his final update before the 2006 Draft.  Just a few more turd sites to flush -- and after the Draft I will have the 2nd Annual "You're Site Sucks And This Award Will Confirm It Again For You" awards.

I'll make it easy for you if you are a first time visitor to Dante's Draft Links -- if a site gets 4 stars its like Reggie Bush's parents hitting the Tepee housing lottery -- if 1 star is pasted on its sorry link the phrase "smells like ass" is appropriate. The new Sites for this week (more can be seen if  you scroll down below Mr. Lewis) are as follows:

PigskinHeaven.com. It's green -- real green. Mock Draft and cryptic positional rankings. Per Site "About Us" section: "Pigskin Heaven started as a dream, amongst like minded people."  Dante's tip to these 'like minded people': run very very fast to the nearest insane asylum and get the treatment you desperately need.    

Scout's Notebook. Mock, Message Board and some other stuff that prompts the question "Where's my pillow?" Got to give it 2 stars for the request of the Site guy who when e-mailing Dante to review the Site stated "it would be sort of like the local health inspector who even has to check out the hot dog stand run by the homeless guy."

MockDraftMuncher. The Butt Muncher uses some sort of Eintein-like computer to give you the summaries of a bunch of Mock Drafts, player rankings and other poo-poo from a bunch of other sites. It even has a graph of how a player and his ranking has done over the last couple of months -- Holy graph paper Batman!

EastCoastSportsNews. Mock and not bad NFL news. Uses some guy whose name sounds like Granpa Munster to do a Mock.

FantasyTailgate.com. Here's my fantasy -- the Site guys get drunk and drive off a cliff.

FootballMinds.com. Keep your sanity -- don't look at this Site.

SportsOutlaw.com. For all you fantasy tools out there this site tries to give you some fantasy poop on guys who haven't even played a down. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ . . . . . .

Yahoo.com. Typical big-media Draft site -- alligator mouth and hummingbird ass.

DraftSeason.com. Some guy named Moose writes for the Site . . . need I say more?

DraftKing. Site has a lot of notes . . . and that's about it. Yea -- he 's king -- King of the Porcelain Throne. 

NFL Draft Class. Over/Undervalued, interviews, some lame ass articles . . . plus Site guy uses his name in the title. How about Dickhead to make it more relevant?

Have a site you want added? A site you want nominated for my end of the year poopfest?  Are you saying to yourself "You know, TesticleBill probably does have a small ball sack." Drop me a line -- and I'll try not to joke your ass on the next podcast.

Updated April 17, 2006

FantasyFootballJungle.com. Not a bad site. Good Draft News section and easy to navigate. Allows any slapola to submit a Mock Draft. Next up: Florio and Mr. Bubbles submit their Players With the Biggest Bulge Mock Draft.

Saturdays2Sundays.com.  3 Round Mock and something about "Going Deep" (I'm not touching that one -- TesticleBill will tho). Kind of brief and after 5 minutes you're done with it. Does have one of the worst site names.

Malconium.com. Guy e-mailed me to look at site-- has a 1 Round Mock is all I can see. Has some other stuff-- team pages are ok. Since he has a Pftalk link up I'll throw him a bone and will say it kinda but does not totally suck. 

Marty & Matt's Pro Scouting Report. Father-son site that deals primarily in sleeper players in D2 and D3. Per Site: "For those of you who are here for the first time, let me tell you that this report isn't like all the others!" Uh ...  you're right -- it's actually worse than most of the others.

Fantasy Football Toolbox. Site lists 152 Mock Drafts from other sites. Need to scroll at top of Site's page for Draft Sleepers, Draft Prospects and Mock Drafts for 2007, 2008 and 2009. Bottom Line: the word "toolbox" kind of says it all.

Draft Daddy.com. Site is good for info on below the radar guys -- for everything else it basically blows. If this guy is my Draft Daddy then I'm hoping he puts me up for adoption. 

DraftAce.com. Site guy Ryan (errrrh!!! -- bad name) has a 3 round Mock, position rankings and the most simplistic graphics this side of any 2 year old you know. Come to think of it, most 2 year olds would have a better site. The words "Please take it down" come to mind.

AsktheCommish.com. Computer generated Mock Draft (couldn't see it-- it takes 4 hours to load), player rankings, message board and the same tired crap he had last year when I blasted this Site. Hey Site Guy: I see you're asking for donations -- can Dante donate a land mine to the Site? 

OntheClockDraft.com. Green motif makes it Shrek's favorite Site. Good organization of prospects by school. Mock Draft and some player interviews. If you have the ability to bring the laptop into the poop room go for it. 

NFLDraftScout.com. Fat Boy Rob "Please Buy A Subscription To My Site So I Can Buy Another 6 Pizzas For Dinner Tonight" Rang is back at it. Some free stuff but most is pay -- how in the fu-- is this slob in USA Today? 

110percentFootball. 110% crap -- its either this or putting a gun to your head and pulling the trigger. At least the gun is faster. 

Updated April 11, 2006

Yea -- I'm back at it again. Back at looking at Draft sites -- and wondering how the clowns that operate these things actually waste their time doing so. Then again, I assume you do get days off working at Walmart . . . 

Unlike previous years, I'm not re-ranking sites -- once a turd, always a turd. If you believe for some you ridiculous reason that I need to look at your pathetic site again, then e-mail me . . . otherwise leave me the fu-- alone (now that Florio is big-time with Sprint I'm not allowed to swear anymore -- wtf).

For those of you that appear on Jerry Lewis's telethon, I once again will explain how I rank Draft sites:   

- this means I actually think the Draft site is good -- this and my being alone with Florio and his pet chimp Mr. Bubbles in the same room has about the same chance of happening.

- Site has some stuff that I can tolerate  . . . kind of like how I can tolerate maybe 1 of the seemingly endlessly not funny/always pathetically lame pics of TesticleBill. 

- Site has good points and but they are outweighed by the site's many crappy points.  (Good Point: that chick soft porn-looking ad appears when you open the PFT site . . . Bad Point: after seeing it about 60 times in the next 3 minutes you realize its your sister).

- It is either looking at this site or asking yourself that eternal question that is always spinning in Dante's mind: should I beat Florio with my shoe before or after the sleep-inducing podcast?

Here's the new shit. . . uh, sites for the week:

DraftBoardInsider.com. 7 Round Mock Draft, Top 100 Players, not bad graphics. I'll bump it to 2 stars because its the only Draft site that I've seen that has porn site ads on it (Florio gives it only a 1 star because of this by the way). 

BigCProfootball.com. Site loads slow and underwhelms you with cryptic rankings and Site guy's ugly mug shot. Yea its big -- like a big pile of steaming crap.

About.com. Site has a Mock Draft, positional rankings (Reggie Bush is good -- no shit) and some other stuff.  From the look of the Site guy's pic, must be a distant relative of Fred Flinstone (please move your dome, the flowers need sun, Guy).

SportzNutz.com. Mock Draft, positional stuff -- pretty good Team Needs section. Like a swift kick in the fleshies, however, the Site eventually gives you pain.

NFL SmackDown.com Player profiles, rankings -- the same shit over and over and over again (and nice pretty pics). Keeping with the new vogue thing for 2006 Draft sites, Site has a pic of one of its Draft analysts (even though it spells his name two different ways):

Hey Mom, Dad -- look, I'm on some dorky Draft site 

(I took time off from McDonalds).

Walter's Football Site. Has a 2006 and 2007 Mock Draft. Anyone who names the Site after himself is gay. 

Joey's NFL Mock Draft. See Walter's Football Site.

Consensus Draft Services. Mock Draft, Player database, interviews and something called Guru Accountability Projects. Site Guy sent me some 18 paragraph e-mail touting his site that induced sleep within 4 seconds of my starting to read it. Nice job, though,  on breaking players down by schools in evaluations -- done by that school's "Scout" (Site: "You have a pencil?" Scout Wannabe: "Yea." Site: "You're hired.") 

Draft Gurus. Some lame ass Mock -- looks like Florio's crappy one.

TheFootballExpert.com. Has its own Mock Draft and combines 456,489.92 other Mocks for a consensus. Site Guy tries to play Little GM and answers fan questions -- appears to be his 4 year old nephew writing in. The term "it blows" comes to mind when I look at this Site.

NFL Draft Almanac. Has NFL Draft news (updated regularly), Message Board, Rankings, Mock Draft -- not a bad site. Easy to navigate. Even high school poop. Value Board would be good if you could see it (presently in .0976 font -- wake the fu-- up Site Boy).

Have a site you want added? A site you want deleted?  Are you saying to yourself "You know Dante is right -- Florio does probably have man-boobs." Drop me a line -- your pathetic life can't get any more worse.

Posted April 1, 2006

I really did not want to do this.

Really -- I hate doing this.

But after getting all the e-mails telling me that people have been crying -- and bitchin' -- and sulking -- and physically getting ill -- all because they missed "I Never Want To Be Your Friend" Dante -- here it is -- a new edition of Dante's Draft Links. Yea.

Need to get a couple of things off my chest before I go on. First of all -- I really do not like doing the podcasts. It is not fun. Florio is driving me crazy with his monotonous voice -- and even longer explanations that are only rivaled in boredom by his inability to admit that his toupee looks bad. Hey Mike -- lose the rug -- bald heads are nice (well they do look like crap but wtf -- maybe you'll get more trim). 

Second thing. I am not your friend. If you have a site and you want me to take a look at it, e-mail me your link. Most likely I will slap your fleshies but it is what it is. I don't care about your tears.

Third thing -- the PFT Message Board. I see where some yuk-yuks are trying to make fun of Dante. Even our photo guy -- Testicle . . . uh . . . TacoBill -- is getting into the Let's Go Jerry Lewis On Dante act.  Here's a message board message for all of you who want to post about Dante -- post your lips on my ass. 

On with the bashing of NFL Draft Sites.  I use stars to rate the sites (I'd use piles of crap but so far I can't find a graphic for that) -- 4 stars the best, 1 star the worst. If you yell at me about your ranking I'll most likely embarrass the crap out of you the next update -- and then beat you with my shoe.

Now for a further explanation of my ranking system -- and if you don't understand then you are really stupid and you should be playing with your crayons right now anyway . . . :

- best Draft site out there - gives you all the Draft info you need -- never been awarded. But wait . . . Breaking News . . . Mel Kiper's site will get 4 stars -- as soon as Mel quits and starts the job he really is qualified for -- a friggin' Mannequin with bad hair..

- Site has a lot of good stuff . . . but has some characteristic that makes it annoying (your country is ruled by some psychopath, short squatty fat guy and then you are liberated by the armed forces of democratic countries -- and then you start bitching because your country does not look like Miami Beach after 3 weeks -- here's an alternative -- go back to eating sand and wearing your pajamas all the time).

- Site has good points and bad points (Good Point: you missed reading Dante's Draft Links and the new edition is finally here . . . Bad Point: by clicking on this page you were just registered for the pen pal list of all Death Row inmates throughout the world).

- It is either looking at this site or asking yourself that eternal question that is always spinning in Florio's mind: should I spend $19 for a Profootballtalk t-shirt or my renewal for the Michael Jackson Small Boys Glee club?

Here we go:

Draft Studio. Mock and some player profiles -- seems to be intrigued with posing pics of college-aged men. Motto of Site: "Where knowledge makes a difference" -- nice . . . here's some knowledge that will make a difference: shut the site down and kill yourself.

HailRedskins.com.  Site has links to over 100 Mock Drafts -- that's it.  Boasts that it has 4 million hits -- yea -- it does -- for people going to someone else's Mock Draft (nice try Brainiac).  Hey Site Guy: do something original before you take all the credit for pimpin' everyone else's  site.

Draft Exchange. News, Notes and Team Needs.  Seems obsessed with quoting Fat Ass Len from the Snoreleader. Also tries to use every color and font in the world. Links to a lot of  shitty sites but not the best - Profootballtalk.com. Fu-- them.

TFG's NFL Draft.  A site that has mathematical formulas in analyzing the Draft. Draft value board.  Hey Site Guy: per Site, you have a "unique set of game film observations" -- since when does watching SpongeBob mean the same as watching game film?

Football.com. One of Dante's favorite whipping boys. Draft Value Bored, Top 100, Rankings -- now on their 79th Mock Draft. Team Needs. Hey Site Guy BJ: clicking onto Site is kind of like the feeling you get when you look over the side of a bridge -- you kind of want to jump (i.e., click for more) but decide you already have enough misery in your life.

NFLDraftScout.com. Pay-oriented. For free stuff -- scroll around and they give you a few pops for free (kind of like TacoBill).   Hey Site Guy: I really do admire you -- it must be tough working that cash register at 7-11 all day and then coming home and working on this crappy "you should the reader" site.

NFL Draft Showcase. Mock Draft and the same tired crap. Prospects. Player reviews, Top 200 and a bunch of zzzz-stuff. Hey Bongo Nuts: nice video -- but I missed the one of you and the boys after the Draft Site Toga party -- doing the elephant walk.

NFL Report. Pay-oriented. If you can figure out something that is actually interesting on this site let me know. Hey Site Guy: why not throw in some ephedra when we click on?

NFL Draft Countdown. Mock Draft, positional rankings and Top 3,234.45 players -- with bios -- that's it.  Hey Site Guy: you say that the Site is "the most popular draft site in the World" -- unfortunately, the World as known in 12 B.C. does not count.

Rob's Scouting. Positional rankings, Mock Draft, Player scouting reports, rankings, blah, blah, blah. Site used to be good-- now the phrase "smells like ass" comes to mind.

Draft Notebook. Pay-oriented.  Mock Draft. Rankings and bios. See bottom of front page of Site for updates. Hard to Believe: if you look really really close at the Site for 5 seconds you will actually vomit.

The Huddle Report. Used to be free -- now they want you to pay to be tortured. Player profiles, Mock Drafts. Value Board. Think "huddling" with your grandmother.

NFL Draft Blitz.  Positional rankings, Top 300, 7 Round Value Board, player profiles and some Team Reports.  Not a bad site -- have to pay for extra poop tho. Hey Site Guy Chris: with the 12 bucks you make on that site a month do you  guys get 1 or 2 bottles of Mad Dog?

The Great Blue North Draft Report.  "Notes" section updated every day -- guy does a great job of reporting everyone else's stories. Hey Site Guy Colin "O Canada": get the snowball out of your ears and write something you can think of -- besides deer meat.

  Mel Kiper. Pay-oriented. As Mel gets more and more irrelevant ESPSnooze is now posting more and more of his rehashed crap for free (is this really a good thing?). Crappy mock and even crappier looking sweater in mug shot.   Hey Melon Head Mel: can you break down doors with that thing?

N2FL. 1 Round Mock and rankings. Mr. Site Boy: what's the deal with the Site name -- are you really R2D2 in disguise?  ("I am your father, Mr. Dork Boy").

Football's Future. Bunch of good stuff -- player info, rankings, Pro day stuff, archived Draft stuff. Has a Live Mock Draft! Wow! -- when you are done with that you can organize your towels and shit.

The Football Expert. Some Draft stuff -- looks like all the other crap out there. Guy answers reader questions (from all 3 guys who read the site).  BFD.

Have a site you want added? A site you want deleted?  Are you saying to yourself "You know Dante is right -- Florio does look better dressed like a woman." Drop me a line -- maybe you can be the next sad sack that the rest of world can laugh at when I make fun of you.