by Profootballtalk Miserable Guy Dante Aligheri

Sunday April 11, 2004

I really did not want to do this.

Really -- I hate doing this.

But after getting all the emails telling me that people have been crying -- and bitchin' -- and sulking -- and physically getting ill -- all because they missed "I Never Want To Be Your Friend" Dante -- here it is -- a new edition of Dante's Draft Links. Yea.

Need to get a couple of things off my chest before I go on. One:  Dan O'Breakaballnuts -- or whatever the fu-- his name is -- who is this guy? He comes in as a guest columnist for Dante, looks at 3 sites and thinks he is funny. Hey Dan -- I got funny for you -- straight from your wife -- slap some Playdoh on that thing and make it look bigger, OK Pee-Wee?

Second thing -- the Profootballtalk Message Board. I see where some yukyuks are trying to make fun of Dante. One sap even tried to say he was me. Here's a message board message for all of you who want to post -- post your lips on my ass. 

For the last time -- really -- the following Pulitzer-style writing will be my review of the stench of the earth otherwise known as Draft Sites.  I use stars to rate the sites -- 4 stars the best, 1 star the worst. Most sites get a 2 star rating -- hell I would give everyone one star but Florio is afraid that some of the gay Draft site operators won't hug and kiss him anymore.

Now for a further explanation of my ranking system (if you don't understand then ask the Easter Bunny that you waited for last night to explain it to you):
 

- best Draft site out there - gives you all the Draft info you need -- never been awarded -- THIS JUST IN: Mel Kiper's site will get 4 stars -- as soon as Mel quits and starts the job he really is qualified for -- a Mannequin.

- Site has a lot of good stuff . . . but has some characteristic that makes it annoying (your country is ruled by some psychopath, short squatty fat guy and then you are liberated by the armed forces of democratic countries -- and then you start bitching because your country does not look like Miami Beach after 3 weeks -- here's an alternative - go back to eating sand and wearing your pajamas all the time).

- Site has good points and bad points (Good Point: Your missed reading Dante's Draft Links and the new edition is finally here . . . Bad Point: by clicking on this page you were just registered for the pen pal list of all Death Row inmates throughout the world.

- It is either looking at this site or asking yourself that eternal question that is always spinning in Mike Florio's mind: should I spend $50 for a Profootballtalk t-shirt or my renewal for the Michael Jackson Small Boys Glee club?

 

Also in this edition that I have added some other graphics for some of the sites -- very few positive, very many obscene. If you are a site operator and don't like the graphic (or ranking) that I slap on you then email me -- I need some new idiotic monologue to post on the site.

 

Comedy time is now over -- get out your chocolate bunnies -- and let the torture begin:

 

THE FOLLOWING SITES HAVE BEEN PERMANENTLY SHITCANNED:

 

NFL Draft Scouting. The only draft hits guy is following is the one in the backside of his pants when Florio is around.

Draft Master. The last time it posted new poop was the last time Florio changed his bikini underwear.  

Mid-Atlantic Football -- The Titanic of Draft sites . . . please sink and go away. 

NFLDraft.WS --New Look. New Year. Still Shitty. 

Searle's NFL Draft Arena -- dude posts a pic of his slu- . . . uh girlfriend on the Site . . . is there anymore to say?

Mr. Hyde's NFL Draft Central. Mr Hyde has shut down -- he and Mel eloped to a melon patch. 

 

ADDED THE FOLLOWING SITES:

 

About Football [Added 4/10] Big headed guy presents outdated stuff about NFL Draft -- haven't we seen this before?

Gridiron Grumblings [Added 4/10] Like a bad taco, your stomach will grumble after reading this food poisoned site. 1 Round Mock -- it sucks.

 KAC NFL Draft Profiles [Added 4/10] 2 Round mock and rest makes you YAC. Where in the hell do these people who post this crap come from? Pass.

 

NOTE THE FOLLOWING SITES:

HailRedskins.com. [Updated 4/10 - 1 Star Bump Up]. Site has links to over 100 Mock Drafts -- that's it.  Boasts that it has 4 million hits -- yea -- it does -- for people going to someone else's Mock Draft (nice try Brainiac).  Hey Site Guy: do something original before you blow yourself.

FalkonOnLine. [Updated 4/10 - 1 Star Bump Up]. A little better this year -- 4 Round Mock and some player stuff. Some guy named Lupus Asparagus writes for it now. Still begs the eternal question: What the Falk?

 Draft King. [Updated 4/8]. Guy has outdated news and acts real serious on site. Also some feature called "Send mail to my Sack Bag." What? Sucks.

Draft Studio. [Updated 4/3 - 1 Star Bump Up]. Mock and some player profiles -- seems to be intrigued with posing pics of college-aged men. Motto of Site: "Where knowledge makes a difference" -- too bad it doesn't apply to this abortion.

Draft Exchange.[Updated 4/11 - 1 Star Bump Down]. News, Notes and Team Needs.  Seems obsessed with quoting Fat Ass Len from the Snoreleader. In its links has every shitty site in the world but not the best - Profootbaltalk.com. Fu-- them.

TFG's NFL Draft. [Updated 3/30]. A site that has mathematical formulas in analyzing the Draft. Draft value board.  Hey Site Guy: per Site, you have a "unique set of game film observations" -- since when does watching Tom and Jerry cartoons mean the same as watching game film?.

N2FL. [Updated 3/15]. 1 Click Round Mock and rankings. Mr. Site Boy: per Site "You will find that this mock draft is different from most others" -- you're right -- most are shitty -- this is really really shitty.

Football.com. [Updated 4/9 - 1 Star Bump Up].  Draft Value Bored, Top 100, Rankings -- now on their 10th Mock Draft. Team Needs. Hey Site Guy BJ: clicking onto Site is kind of like the feeling you get when you look over the side of a bridge -- you kind of want to jump (i.e., click for more) but decide you already have enough misery in your life.

NFLFuture.com. [Updated 3/11]. Top 200 players, 2 Round Mock and Prospect Database - this is the same shit the guy had up when I got tortured looking at this Site 3 months ago.   Hey Site Guy: yea . . . we are really sorry you were away for a while too -- in fact so is Mike Florio

DraftCrazy. [Updated ?]. TOOK THE FU--ING STAR AWAY. Turd site has some kind of radio gig going -- unbelievably, it is even worse that Profootballtalk Radio -- even includes some guy with a lisp. Hey Site Guy: please go away -- forever.

TFYDraftPreview.com [Updated 4/9]. Pay-oriented. For free stuff -- scroll down and see 2004 Draft database.  Lists 2004 Draft order -- all 7 rounds. Hey Site Guy: I really do admire you -- it must be tough working that cash register at 7-11 all day and then coming home and working on this crappy "you should pay us" site.

NFL Draft World [Updated 4/3 - 1 Star Bump Down]. New position rankings, Top Small School players, Top 215 Players and Team needs. Mock Draft. Boring. Hey Site Guy: Per Site "Things to look forward to": your site internet host shutting this snoozefest down.

NFL Draft Showcase [Updated 4/9 - 1 Star Bump Up]. The Draft site of Dante's Punk Boy of NFL Draft Blitz fame. Added 4 Round Mock and some video highlights. Prospects. Player reviews, Top 200 and a bunch of zzzz-stuff. Hey Bongo Nuts: nice video -- but I missed the one of you and the boys after the Draft Site Toga party -- something about Mr. WeeWee becomes a grown man or something.

NFL Report [Updated 3/15 - 1 Star Bump Down]. Pay-oriented. If you can figure out what is new on this Site let me know. Hey Site Guy: why not throw in some ephedra when we click on?

NFL Draft Countdown [Updated 4/9].  3 round mock is now up and updated. Positional rankings and Top 32 -- with bios -- that's it.  Hey Site Guy: you say that the Site is "the #1 free NFL Draft site in the world" -- unfortunately, the World as known in 12 B.C. does not count.

Rob's Scouting [Updated 4/5 - 1 Star Bump Up].  New positional rankings -- excellent (includes Draft round projected). 3 Round Mock. Player scouting reports, rankings, sleepers, Top 80 Small School Players, Daily News. Hey Mr. Rob Slob: the grey background makes me feel like I am on a battleship -- Florio says "how about hot pink?

Couch Scout [Updated ? -- still have no fu-- idea - 1 Star Bump Down]. Mr. Cheeto ranks gazillions of players--and some bios--some good, most too cryptic.  Hey Mr. Cheeto: nice hat for sale on the Site -- who wears these -- lobotomy patients?

All-Pro Scouting Services [Updated 4/10 - 1 Star Bump Down]. Pay-oriented. Only thing to get free is some ramblings on the Site message board. Self-proclaimed Scout Matt "I Keep Pulling It But Its Still Small" Gerbil continues to give us a site that begs the question -- "If this is the future of the human race how long will it be before tree stumps are running our country?"  Hey Matt a/k/a Cry Baby: pay you "$29.95 for premium content thru June 1?" -- how about if I give you a $50 and you shut down until then?

 West Coast Draft Services (formerly Boomer's Draft) [Updated?- we still don't care - 1 Star Bump Down.] Pay-oriented. Top 75 list, Diamonds in the Rough and Ugly Aliens He Has Whacked It To -- It all sucks. Hey Mr. Breaking Himself Down At Night: you too want us to pay coin for your crap -- OK -- here's some Iraq money -- wipe your ass -- and Site content -- with it.

Draft Notebook [Updated 4/10]. Pay-oriented.  New 3 Round Mock. Rankings and bios. See bottom of front page of Site for updates. Hard to Believe: if you look really really close at the Site you can see the Batman sticker the Site guy has pasted on it.

The Huddle Report [Updated 4/8]. New Player profiles and Top 300. Bunch of Mock Drafts. Value Board. Hey Site Guy Robbie: So you guys contribute to the Tony Bruno Experience -- does anyone else besides you listen to this obnoxious blowhard?

NFL Draft Blitz [Updated 4/9]. Good poop -- Inside the War Room. Positional rankings, Top 100, 7 Round Value Board, player profiles and some Team Reports.  Hey Site Guy Chris: see where you guys are copying Collegefootballtalk.com and want to have a college teams pages -- hey I think we are going to have a Sites That Copy All Of Our Shit page too -- what do you think?

[Updated 12/22].  New Top 75 Prospect list is up.  Hey Hyde: Nice new color and format -- but still same boring content and info. You need some new humor on the Site -- Draft content does not count.

Draft 2004.com [Updated 2/24 - 1 Star Bump Down]. Pay-oriented. Mr. "I'm On A Diet So Give Me 22 Hamburgers - Hold The Pickles" hasn't done dick-doo since I last fell asleep at his Site.  Hey Site Guy John: I don't even want to imagine you around a Easter candy basket.  

The Great Blue North Draft Report [Updated 4/11].  Notes section updated every day -- guy does a great job of reporting everyone else's stories. Hey Site Guy Colin "O Canada": get the snowball out of your ears and write something you can think of -- besides deer meat.

  Mel Kiper [Updated 4/9]. Pay-oriented. As Mel gets more and more irrelevant ESPSnooze is now posting more and more of his rehashed crap for free (is this really a good thing?). Posted a 3 Round Mock and updated his Top 25 players.       Hey Melon Head Mel: can you break down doors with that thing?

 

Have a site you want added? A site you want deleted?  Are you saying to yourself "You know . . . I'm glad Dante is back . . . that OBreakmynuts guy seemed like he was going to cry or something." Drop me a line -- we can laugh about your sorry-ass life together.

 

GUEST EDITION by Profootballtalk Dirty Dozen

Writer Dan "The Green Tomato" O'Brocta

 

Thursday, January 29, 2004

 

Conjuring up the hate and anger required to deliver an edition of Dante's Draft Links can certainly take its toll. In fact, Dante spiraled into such a fit of rage while preparing his last installment that the usual tranquilizer dart authorities use to subdue him barely slowed him down. After being ruled a danger to society (again), he was last seen chained up in the back of a van wearing a mouth guard so he couldn’t gnaw his way through the restraints. While he’s currently in a place where the sharpest object in the room is a pillowcase, officials concede it’s only a matter of time before he escapes. Many people, myself included, have already filed for the appropriate restraining orders. [Dante here: Hey Irish Spring Pasta Boy . . . I don't why in the fu-- (if Florio has any balls he'll won't edit that) you're writing this piece . . . its torturous enough having to read the other piece of shit you write for this lame ass site . . . I'll be back . . . kind of like that inflatable Florio blow up doll you "hug" to death every night]. 

In the mean time, in an effort to provide original content beyond the relentless money-grubbing pleas to click our ads, Profootballtalk has uncovered three draft sites Dante may have missed or ignored. It wasn’t easy, since his Tourette’s-like behavior not only redefines the limits of profanity, but also the rules of inclusion – he left few stones unturned. If he’s commented on any of these in articles other than his last, I apologize – you can only read so much of Dante’s archive without feeling like you’re violating some sort of obscenity law.

About Football

Link: [http://football.about.com/cs/nfldraft] 

Site author James Alder displays his credentials immediately by featuring his monstrous, Kiper-esque skull at the top of the homepage. After all, as Mel has proven, a true draftnik is ugly enough to operate a stopwatch just by looking at it. Then, in his virginity-cementing biography, Adler describes himself as “a football nut with an insatiable appetite for everything from the NFL and College Football to the Arena Football League and the local youth leagues.” If publicizing your unhealthy obsession with the NFL draft and helmet hair aren’t enough to keep you from getting laid, acknowledging an “insatiable appetite for local youth” should do it.    

Mocking the Mock: In his first round mock draft dated January 18th, Adler has Arizona trading its first, second and third round picks to San Diego, moving up two spots to take Mississippi quarterback Eli Manning. He might argue that Mike Ditka once dealt his entire set of draft picks for the right to select Ricky Williams, but knowing what we know now about “Pharmaceutically Reinforced Iron” Mike, he was undoubtedly a bit distracted at the time.   

Grade – Two and ½ Stars – Britney Spears before she went slutty – saccharine, not bad to look at, mildly entertaining, but in need of a little cleavage (that’s figurative, site guy – spare us the vacation pictures of you in a tank top.) 

Gridiron Grumblings

Link: http://www.gridirongrumblings.com/nfl/nfl_draft_preview.php  

Among the number of links from various contributors, “The Way I See It” is hailed as “biting commentary” from someone cryptically known as the “Head Honcho,” and features an enthusiastic picture of him with his mouth wide open. While the number of hits from actual football fans has been low, men seeking men reportedly continue to crash the server.  

Mocking the Mock: In an undated mock sponged from NFL Draft Blitz dated January 16th, they have Minnesota selecting USC defensive lineman Kenechi Udeze with the 19^th overall pick. Ironically, U-D-E-Z-E is how the average Viking defensive lineman recites the alphabet backwards in a field sobriety test. 

Grade – One Star – This general football site was lucky enough to come up in the first page of a Google search, making them the beef jerky of draft links – not much good for you, but staring you in the face as you stroll through the checkout line.   

KAC NFL Draft Profiles

Link: http://www.geocities.com/kac1999/draftprofiles04.html 

Like a nude team picture of Mike Florio’s polar bear club, the font on this alphabetical prospect page redefines the term “painfully small.” As far as I can tell, the first profile on the “A” page is Virginia Tech defensive end Nathaniel Adibi… or is it Yasir Arafat?  

Mocking the Mock (rewind):  Another site that pulls its mocks from other sources, there is speculation within the original content regarding players’ potential destinations. In their respective capsules, Virginia Tech center Jake Grove is likened to Barrett Robbins, Auburn receiver Jeris McIntyre is called “David Boston Jr.,” and Arkansas running back Cedric Cobbs is compared to O.J. Simpson. Combine workouts measuring their ability to guzzle Mexican tequila, pack a tight bowl, and commit multiple homicides and get away with it should go a long way in determining where they’re selected in April.   

Grade – Two and ½ Stars - The site pulls a Saddam by coming on strong with player profiles that are actually fairly decent, only to duck into a spider hole and post links to unrelated sites for other draft-related material. Site guy needs to pull an Uday and Qusay and go all out – even if it means ending up on a slab with people pointing and laughing.  

Glad Danny Boy wrote this piece? Think Danny Boy is a piece (of shit)? Then email him -- and maybe he'll learn how to read by then and actually write you back.

DANTE'S DRAFT LINKS

by Dante Aligheri

UPDATED MONDAY, JANUARY 12, 2004 @  9:40 PM

(but if you really think about it . . . who really gives a fu--?) and TUESDAY, JANUARY 13, 2004 @ 11:46 AM

 

Another edition of Dante's Draft Links is up --- more for you losers to read on the internet -- assuming most of you can read that is.  So, the 2004 Draft is approaching . . . more immature, drunken idiots spending money they don't have while at the same time living the dream -- you think the team owners would realize by now what the hell their scouts are doing during this whole evaluation process thing.

 

While I've been gone a lot of shit has happened -- Thanksgiving, Christmas . . . Florio dyed his pubic hair.  Oh . . . and the constant stream of annoying, boring, incorrectly spelled and downright childlike emails (try to write a little better Mike) -- plus some of the messages I get from you idiots:

 

Dante,

When is the next update? I am a lonely man, have no friends and look forward to your posting new stuff. Loser Boy in Baltimore.

Me: Loser Boy -- I do not want you to read my page anymore -- you are a loser -- and a boy -- so why don't you go get hit by a bus or something . . . or visit Mike Florio? Your winning friend Dante.

 

Dante,

Who do you think you are? You're an asshole -- always abusing people, yelling at them and making fun of their looks. Angry in Atlanta.

Me: I have good news and bad news for you. The bad news is that I got a lot of that stuff from your wife. The good news is that I earned a lot of frequent flyer points going to see her the past 2 years. Your hung pal, Dante (p.s. you didn't find an extra black sock around there, did you?).

 

Dante -- I am anxious to start up my own Draft site -- any tips? Paul in Pittsburgh

Me: Paul - here's a tip you can gnaw on (if you know what I mean) . . . go away. Dante

 

Dear Dante -- I am a young angry gay man and do not see the humor in your making fun of Mike Florio all the time in your column -- please stop -- the Mike Florio you make fun of doesn't match the guy I know.  Butt Boy Bob in Butte

Me: Hey Butt Boy . . . here's a match . . . your face and my ass. Or your ass and Florio's thingy . . . take your pick. Your heterosexual pal, Dante.

 

Anyway, back to the crap at hand.  I rate NFL Draft sites. In reality, I hate all Draft sites.  If you have a problem with that I really don't give a shit -- if you want your balls coddled then put some honey on your nuts the next time your dog is around or something.

 

I use stars to rate the sites- 4 stars the best, 1 star the worst. Still waiting for that graphic of dancing assholes that I am looking for -- if you have one then email me your asshole -- then again I don't download files from the idiot masses so go ahead and email it to Florio so he can get the miserable virus you send -- plus he would like to see your asshole.

 

Now for a further explanation of my ranking system (if you don't understand it then maybe at the next Jerry Lewis telethon they will explain it to you):
 

- best Draft site out there - gives you all the Draft info you need -- to date no site has been awarded this rating -- NEWS FLASH: man has a better chance of walking on the sun than this happening.

- Site has a lot of good stuff . . . but has some characteristic that makes it annoying (Everyone tells you at the Christmas party that you are the best looking person there -- unfortunately everyone else there is blind.)

- Site has good points and bad points (Good Point: Your mystery date's name is Christine . . . Bad Point: She's that man-like looking chick who writes for USA Today sports.
- It is either looking at this site or asking yourself that eternal question: what happened to Profootballtalk Radio? -- since it doesn't come on anymore I now have to remind myself when it's time to take a dump.

 

Chuckle time is over -- let the hell begin . . .

 

THE FOLLOWING SITES HAVE BEEN PERMANENTLY SHITCANNED:

 

Mid-Atlantic Football -- The Titanic of Draft sites . . . please sink and go away.

 

NFLDraft.WS --New Look. New Year. Still Shitty.

 

 Searle's NFL Draft Arena -- dude posts a pic of his slu- . . . uh girlfriend on the Site . . . is there anymore to say?

 

ADDED THE FOLLOWING SITES:

 

HailRedskins.com. Site has links to over 100 Mock Drafts -- that's it.  Hey Site Guy: where's Little Danny's site link? -- you know -- Who Said A Guy Called Dick Can't Wear A Suit?

 

FALK IT FalkonOnLine. Site is just like last year -- incomplete Mock, incomplete rankings and just plain shitty.  It begs the eternal question: What the Falk?

 

IT BLOWS Draft King. Some news we all saw 3 weeks ago and some prospect stuff. Tip for Site Guy: go back to being a Queen.

 

IT BLOWS TOO Draft Studio. 1 Round Mock and rankings. Best Thing About Site: its font is so big you'll instantly know it sucks so you can delete it.

Draft Exchange. News, Notes and Team Needs.  Hey Site Guy: nice graphics . . . the sprinkles remind me of the 212 Christmas cookies I ate this year.

 

IT SUCKS Draft Master. 2 Round Mock and something about being a Bator. Tell The Site Guy: he will go blind if he keeps this Site up.

TFG's NFL Draft. A site that has mathematical formulas in analyzing the Draft. Translation: it sucks. Hey Site Guy: What is this? Who are you? Are you gay?

N2FL. 1 Round Mock and rankings. Mr. Site Boy: what's the deal with the name -- are you really R2D2 in disguise?  ("I am your father, Mr. Dork Boy").

 

NOTE THE FOLLOWING SITES:

Football.com. [Updated 1/11]. Updated Draft Value Bored (as in causes sleep), Top 100, Rankings, etc. B.J. and his new punk boy Mikee Colon put out some real crap on this site. Hey Site Guy BJ: like the new lightning thru the guy graphic effect on the Site -- any way you can demonstrate that live for us -- using yourself?NFLFuture.com. [Updated 1/8]. New rankings are up. Top 200 players, 2 Round Mock and Prospect Database - yawn. Hey Site Guy: can you possible make the font any bigger on this slapdick site? -- the rover thing on Mars can barely pick it up.

DraftCrazy. [Updated 1/10]. BUMPED UP TO 1 STAR. Updated Player profiles and 3 round Mock. Suggested New Site color: Dark brown with corn in it.

 

IT STILLSUCKS NFL Draft Scouting. [Updated ? -- THE SITE BLOWS -- WHO CARES?]. 2 round Mock, cryptic list of prospects. Little Known Fact: written by an NFL Insider -- he lives in Paul McGuire's ass.

TFYDraftPreview.com [Updated 1/10]. Pay-oriented. For free stuff -- scroll down and see 2004 Draft database.  Hey Site Guy a/k/a Darth Vadar Graphic Boy: face it -- you're devoting your life to sucking up to a bunch of guys who would rather pummel your dork ass with Escalade rims than ever read your crap -- turn off your computer and go lie down.

NFL Draft World [Updated 1/9]. New All-Star game reviews. Position rankings, Top Small School players, Top 215 Players and Team needs. Mock Draft. Hey Site Guy: I saw the "Things to look forward to " part on the Site -- Florio wants to know when the nudie pics of Lou Holtz will be posted.

NFL Draft Showcase [Updated 12/29].  BUMPED DOWN TO 1 STAR. The Draft site of True Tool Boy of NFL Draft Blitz fame. Top Prospects. Player reviews, Top 200 and a bunch of other stuff no one reads. Hey Bongo Nuts: I saw about 26 typos on the Site -- maybe a little less kissing the ass of the other Site operators and more on the spellcheck (but Florio says if you kiss his ass he'll do the spellcheck for you).

NFL Report [Updated 12/25]. Pay-oriented. Updated position rankings (name only) but if you want detail analysis you have to pay.  1 round Mock. Hey Site Guy: the more I look at this Site the more I think it is run by aliens ("We are here to take over your NFL Draft -- show me young men with sweaty balls").

NFL Draft Countdown [Updated 1/11].  Positional rankings and Top 32 -- with bios -- that's it.  Hey Site Guy: you say that the Site "can not be reprinted without your express written consent" -- how in the hell do you expect Dante not to take a crap in the morning?

Rob's Scouting [Updated 1/9].  New 2 Round Mock. Player scouting reports, rankings, sleepers, Top 80 Small School Players, Daily News -- even a Player of the Day profile. Hey Mr. Rob Slob: glad to see the disclaimer that you posted that says the Site is not affiliated with the NFL -- but you need to add "or any person with an IQ over 50."

Couch Scout [Updated 1/10 -- where? -- only his hairdresser knows]. Mr. Cheeto ranks 9,126,234.89 players--and gives bios on his position rankings.  Hey Mr. Cheeto: nice promo of the other guy's draft book -- did you wipe the orange dust off his ass?

All-Pro Scouting Services [Updated 1/6]. Pay-oriented. Self-proclaimed Scout Matt "If I Was A Tree Dogs Would Pee On Me" Gerbil continues to give us a site that begs the question -- "I though dicks hid behind pants?" Free Draft Buzz (news) section. Hey Matt a/k/a Cry Baby: the fact that you take yourself so seriously on the Site is still very very sad -- but then again, the fact that you exist is too.

 West Coast Draft Services (formerly Boomer's Draft) [Updated?- we still don't care.] Pay-oriented. Top 75 list, Diamonds in the Rough and Ugly Aliens He Has Whacked It To. Hey Mr. Breaking Himself Down At Night: so you have been featured in USA Today -- big deal -- so has Michael Jackson, Pee Wee Herman and the new Ken Doll.

Draft Notebook [Updated 12/30]. Pay-oriented.  New 2 Round Mock. Rankings and bios. See bottom of front page of Site for updates. Hey Stevie-Boy a/k/a Mr. Slappy: the first 4 words of your supposed testimonials describes it all -- "Wow! You guys blow . . . "

The Huddle Report [Updated 1/7]. BUMPED UP TO 2 STARS. New 7 Round Mock and Value Board. Top 200 players, article concerning the Draft grades for each NFL team over the last 3 years.  Hey Site Guy Robbie: No more Dub as a columnist? What happened? Did Granny call him for vittles or something?

NFL Draft Blitz [Updated 1/9]. New 3 Round Mock. Positional Rankings, Top 100, 7 round Value Board, player profiles and some Team Reports.  Hey Site Guy Chris: so now you guys are taking requests for radio appearances . . . has Radio Disney called yet?

Mr. Hyde's NFL Draft Central [Updated 12/22].  New Top 75 Prospect list is up.  Hey Hyde: Nice new color and format -- but still same boring content and info. You need some new humor on the Site -- Draft content does not count.

Draft 2004.com [Updated 12/25]. Pay-oriented. Mr. 5 Pizzas Per Man has added some player interviews and other sleep-inducing crap.  Hey Site Guy John: I would rather watch you  devour a hoagie in your big lard ass than read your boring site.  

The Great Blue North Draft Report [Updated 1/11].  Notes section updated every day. 1 round Mock. In the News section there are links to the All-Star games and other poop.   For those of you that follow players from Canada (all 2 of you), hit the Canuck Report link.  Hey Site Guy Colin "O Canada": its 24 below and your freezing your nuts off -- still like Canada?

  Mel Kiper [Updated 1922]. Pay-oriented.  BUMPED UP TO 1 STAR. Since most people have forgotten who Mel is he is now allowing us to actually look at some of his crap without paying for it -- he has updated his Top 25 and also posted the Top 5 players at each position. Hey Mel: the same big melon and ugly duds -- why don't you call those 5 Queer Guys on the tube or something?  Or John Clayton? (it's about the same).

 

Have a site you want added? A site you want deleted?  Are you saying to yourself "You know Dante is right -- Florio does look better dressed like a woman." Drop me a line -- maybe you can be the next sad sack that the rest of world can laugh at when I make fun of you.