Updated July 30, 2006

Update No. 2 is here -- and not a moment too soon as I know all you guys and gals better get that free info before the feds start to make you pay for it (ha ... I love it).

If you're new to the Fantasy Football Links ... get the hell out of here. If you must stay, here's how we rank the sites:

Site is worth looking at ... if you can say that for any site that talks about this stupid fantasy stuff.

Nice site but something about it is annoying ... think the fact that my wife is much better looking than any chick that you've ever been with. 

If suicide is not on the agenda tonite then go ahead and take a peek at the site.

Like Joe Collegio, site is about as enjoyable as shaving your nut sack with a butter knife.

Here's ten new sites for you to waste your time on (scroll down for the rest of this crap I already reviewed):

Fantasy Football FootballDocs. Name seems redundant ... redundant. Some pay stuff, some free stuff. Has a NFL rumors page -- it blows. Best thing about the site is the picture it has of a football with a pen. Dig this testimonial on the Site: "Whether I win or lose this week, I would just like to say thanks.  Most likely I would not be here if it were not for your help.” Whoever wrote this ... please kill yourself ... now.

411 Fantasy Football. Some basic info like rankings, a questions section and a blurb from Site guy that his message board is overrun with porn. He gets a bump up to one turd for the porn fact -- rest of the Site sucks.

Huddlegeeks.com. Some free -- mostly pay. Site has some moving transaction ticker on it. Way too small of font which made Dante nauseated -- kind of like the rest of the Site did.

[With Gas]FantasySportsCentral.com. Lots of free info -- player rankings, mock draft and message board. Simplistic but for some reason I like it a little. Has a section "Advice for Beginners." We have the answer for that one -- don't play.

Grogan's Fantasy Football. Easy to navigate and allows you to compare the stats of up to 3 players at the same position.  Good player directory. Kind of lean on articles. Hey Site Guys: nobody gives a fu-- how you got started (ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz).

Junkyard Jake's Fantasy Football Network. Part pay/part free. Basic stuff: strength of schedule, Top 200 players and some lame attempt at humor. More I look at it the more I feel cutting off my head is needed. Amazing Mike Florio look-a-like pic though.

FantasyFootballer.com. Has team reports and some other info -- but Site is sparse and a bit outdated. Hey Site Guy: we really don't care about the personal lives of some of the ball sacks who write for your rag. Like this: "Jeff is married and he and his wife, Suzy, have an infant son, Darren.  The family also includes Uncle Louie (a pug), Cujo (a cat), and Taco (a fish).  Jeff enjoys playing in volleyball leagues, and is always up for a pick up game of football or basketball.  He also plays for his company's softball team in the Princeton (NJ) Business League.  Jeff is also interested in real-estate investment and development.  He also enjoys a movie or a good book when he can find time." 

I think I speak for all of us when I say "fu-- Jeff."

MoSneaky Fantasy Football. Guy who runs the Site swears a lot so that's good.  Basic stuff -- easy to navigate. Have to register (but it looks free to do so). The more I look at it the more I hate it.

NFL.com. They have a pay site and a free one. Have to register for the free site. It looks boring but on the free site you get video, email alerts, rankings, blah, blah and friggin' blah.

Fantasy Football - USATODAY.com. Player notes, stats, drafts, team reports --all in that "Have a Nice Day" USA Today motif.  Some articles. All is free.

Have a site you want added? A site you want deleted?  Balls itch? Drop me a line -- and I'll send the info about your nuts to Florio.

Updated July 21, 2006

It's update No. 1 for the Fantasy Snoozeball Links brought to you by your good buddy Dante.

Once again, I rank the fantasy football sites that you losers frequent. For those of you that Jerry Lewis has a telethon for, here (once again) is how I rank: 

Site is pretty friggin' good -- but so is that chick that looks good from the back until she turns around and bears a strikingly similar resemblance to ass.

Site is good but something just ain't right -- like your new girlfriend with the large Adam's Apple and big hands. 

It's either reading this or joining Florio and his pals for their annual George Michael look-alike party.

Pathetic, sad and nausea-inducing . . .  in other words Taco a/k/a Testicle Bill. 

Time to stop yakking and get to the ripping:

FFToday.com. Easy to navigate. Daily news, depth charts, June Mock draft and is free. Not a bad message board.  Per Site: "Just remember to play nice and respect the opinion of others!" OK ... but if I tell you to  fu-- off while I'm helping a blind man fill out his lineup is that alright?

Fantasy Football Cafe. Creepy looking grey-thingee looking site with some basic stuff. Seems that the only thing served at this Cafe is turd sandwiches.

ProFantasySports.com . Pretty good news section -- gives fantasy comment with news tidbits (done per team). Has a Fact or Fiction section in terms of analyzing players ...  ("Sean the Tech Guy : Proof that man can function with just one nut?"). Fan Forum well populated. Per Site: "2-14 Texans Get Fresh Start." No shit.

FFBookmarks. Has links to a bunch of fantasy sites for such things as drafts, draft tools, prize leagues, free leagues and  ... logos??? (wtf).

Now that's a logo that is right on.

Fanball.com. Big site for all kinds of sports. Lots of poop here -- but some is pay. Team reports, columnists and new/comments section. Fantasy Football 101 section is a good primer for the uneducated (think Florio).

FFToolbox.com. Another site that is not bad (why can't these clowns do some Draft sites?). Free. Like most of the sites it has leagues for tool ... uh ... people to join. Mock Draft. Seems it is lacking in depth stuff since it also covers about 246 other fantasy sports.

NFLFreaks. Free site. Player info, Freak of the Week, Hall of Shame and other stuff. I like the Start-Bench Support List section: Sure Thing, Strong Starter, Gut Check and Forget About It. Has a Link to ESPN - that's a strike.

[Gas Only] AllSortsSports. With writers like 'Heineken Hog', 'Big Bird' and 'Who Dats' can this site actually be any more ass-clownish?

[Watery]. Fantasy Football Realm. (Who in the fu-- picked that name?). Pay-oriented. Per Site:  "we just don't have the resources to keep up with the ESPNs and CBSs of the world, so we decided to scale back our offerings and focus on what we do best ...". Yea ... bad graphics, minimal writing and pathetic self-pity.

RotoWorld. Player news, fantasy football games (Heidi Klum is my center) and some other stuff. Pop-up city ( did they get all of the ones we got rid of?).

Have a site you want added? A site you want deleted?  Do you just want to take your clothes off and run around naked? Drop me a line -- and I'll send the pic to Florio.

Posted July 17, 2006

Yes, your good friend Dante is back. No, not to humor you with a new Draft Links -- that will be coming up in August (if I feel like it). Grand Poo-bah Florio has asked me to do a Fantasy Football links. Sure, I don't play fantasy football. And yea, I do think that people who do are losers. Then why Dante, oh why are you doing it? Because right now I am willing to do anything instead of being bored to death by Florio in another Podcast. Plus it lets me develop new material in joking the ass clowns who do the Draft sites.

Here is the first link to my favorite Fantasy Football Site. Is there really any other reason to go on? 

OK morons, just like Dante's Draft Links, I'll make it easy for you to see what fantasy sites are worth your time (trust me -- if "time" to you means numbing your brain with statistics about guys who would beat  you with their shoe if they could then you probably have lots of time since no one wants anything to do with you). You know the drill: a site that gets a 4 star ranking is better than one with Uno. But to make this gig a little more fun forget the stars -- introducing Dante's Fantasy Football Links' signature icon: 

The Turd (or The Florio to some of us). 

Site is one of the the best in the fantasy football world. Which is like saying having your leg cut off is better than having your arm cut off.

Site is good but lacks in something. Think Suzy Kolber and the prospect of her getting married in a ceremony that the Republicans would recognize. 

Site is good to look at if you have already finished watching people read in the library for the day.

Hideous, awful, sucks -- and that is the site's good points. 

On with the ratings (man am I excited): 

FootballDiehards. Some free stuff, some pay stuff. Lots of player information and good links section (where's PFT, guy?). Site owner has his mug shot up on site -- I thought the '60s were dead.

Maybe if I grow my hair real long 

and greasy no one will notice I'm bald.

The Huddle. Not a bad site. Been around for 10 years. Articles, stats and editorial content. Team Links. Another site, another tool-like picture of the Site owner:

We got jelly donuts today ... jelly donuts!

Fantasy Football Champs. Mostly pay site. For some friggin' stupid reason they have technical medical stuff on the site. Tip to Site owner: look up lobotomy and see if you can trade a Site subscription for one.

FF Mastermind.  Another mostly pay site. Some free poop but the phrase "smells like ass" comes to mind when I click on the Site.

Footballguys.com. The site if you love numbers -- and based on that fact that is probably the only thing that you'll ever have the chance to love (self man-love doesn't count). Site talks about stuff like cheatsheets and VBD Excel Application 2006F1 (huh?). Here's a sample from the Site:

What the fu-- is this? It makes my friggin' brain hurt just looking at it.

FantasySharks.com. Sparse site that seems to be slow in updating (and its loads like ass). And this guy writes for it: . Make sure the kids are in bed before you click on it.

Football.com. I banged these guys in the Draft Links. They suck here too.

FantasyOwner.com. Good team analysis. Seems to be mostly free stuff -- Sleeper and Busts section. Simple to navigate. Also has Fantasy Draft Day Tips section ("When reaching for the Cheetos remember that the orange stuff can stain your SpongeBob t-shirt"). 

Draft Sharks. Another crappy site. Pay-oriented. Let's hope Jaws comes back and eats them.

Gridiron Grumblings. Some pay and some free. Needs to be more updated. These things are starting to make me nauseous.

[Gas Only]. Fantasy Football Experts. If you can find anything interesting or useful on this waste of internet space let me know -- it blows.

FantasyGuru.com. Strictly pay. Has a Ron Jaworski testimonial on it. Great reason to never go to it -- unless you want to spit when you talk too. 

Fantasy Football Jungle. Good team analysis here too. Sortable Stats, nerd message board and player analysis. During season they seem to have a Q & A section. [Dante: You guys ever get laid? Site: We lay down every night we go to sleep.].

Have a site you want added? A site you want deleted?  Are you pissed that I ripped your site? Too fu--in' bad. But if you really are that lonely and/or miserable, drop me a line -- maybe you can be the next sad sack that the rest of world can laugh at when I make fun of you.